Springfield:       King of all Media Updated August 2013! Includes all Season 24 References Maintained by Bruce Gomes     Originally by Dave Sweatt Binders Full of Women and Nate Silver Can't Add Springfield Republican Party Headquarters NEWSPAPERS     Springfield Shopper Other Newspapers Other Newspaper References OTHER PRINTED MEDIA     Books     Comics Magazines / Journals Manuals Pamphlets/Brochures Reports RADIO    Radio Stations Radio Programs Other Radio References TELEVISION    TV News    Commercials TV Movies TV Channels TV Programs   MOVIES     Springfield Theatres     Movie Posters / Adverts Other Exhibited Movies Movies Being Filmed Other Referenced Movies   VIDEO     Video Messages Video Tapes DVD's AUDIO     Audio Messages Cassette Tapes CD's BILLBOARDS Related Pages At The Simpsons Archive Newspapers     Springfield Shopper Other Newspapers Other Newspaper References Springfield Shopper [SI01] A copy of Springfield Shopper was included with Simpsons Illustrated #1! [2F20] Dave Shutton of Springfield Shopper attempts to interview Mr. Smithers, who stands accused of murdering Mr. Burns. [AABF21] Not only do we see a school trip to the Springfield Shopper but Homer becomes their food critic. Springfield News Group, Inc. www.springfieldshopper.com ([CABF22]) [NABF06] Lisa: They didn't like it when the Springfield Shopper started printing in color. Marge: Neither did I! I didn't want to know what color the Statue of Liberty was. Springfield Shopper Headlines and References [7G03] [Free] Simpson Says Safe! [7G03] [Free] Dozens Cheer Homer Simpson [7G03] [Free] Homer Simpson Strikes Again! [7G03] [Free] Watch Out, Here Comes Homer [7G03] [Free] Enough Already Homer Simpson! [7G08] [on sign outside school] Annual Christmas Pageant - "***1/2*" Springfield Shopper [7F01] [Free] Mutation Caught at Ol' Fishin' Hole; Is Power Plant Responsible? Boy Was Using Five Pound Test And Ordinary Worms; Sister Was Just There For The Tranquility [7F01] [in scrapbook] Vandal Decapitates Town Statue; Who is El Barto; Police Puzzled [7F01] [Free] Fishin' Hole or Fission Hole?; Burns Denies Responsibility in Fish Flap; Count The Eyes, Mr. Burns! [7F01] [Free] Governor Calls for Power Plant Investigation [7F01] [Free] Burns Enters Gubernatorial Race; 3 Eyed Fish In Every Pot? [7F01] [Free] Burns Skyrockets to Seven Percent in Latest Polls [7F01] [Free] Burns Band Wagon Rolls On; Latest Poll Puts Him at 22 Percent [7F01] [Free] Burns Nukes Bailey in Latest Poll; Forty-Two Percent And Climbing [7F09] [1.00??] Art Treasure to Visit Springfield; Michelangelo's David in 1958 [7F10] [Free] Burns Fires Ungrateful Employee [photo of Burns dismissing Homer] [7F10] [Free] Another Smart Move by Burns [photo of Burns] [7F10] [Free] Hooray for Burns! [7F23] [Free] President Declares World Peace (illustrated with president at podium) [7F23] [Free] President Simpson Declares World Peace (illustrated with Homer in car in parade) [all as imagined by Homer] [7F23] [Free] President Simpson Wins Super Bowl [photo of Homer in Tux at Super Bowl] [all as imagined by Homer] [7F24] [No Price] Michael Jackson Hoax; Everyone Mad at Local Boy [Bart on cover] [Back has advertisement "Lost Our Lease"] [8F02] [Free] World Peace Declared [Smiling Lisa Simpson pictured] [8F02] [Free] Monsters Okay Slavery Plan [photo of Kodos or Kang] [8F02] [Free] [Lisa seen reading classified] [8F03] [Free] Principal Still Missing  Police Search For Body [Photo of Principal Skinner] [8F03] [Free] Psychic Joins Skinner Hunt [Photo of Psychic (woman with hat/earrings)] [8F03] [Free] Principal Murder Trial Begins Today [Photo of Bart in handcuffs being led away] [8F03] [Free] Sentencing Today For Dinky Don [Drawing of Bart as a snake ensnaring Springfield] [8F08] [Free] Wizard of Walnut Street [photo of Moe with a Flaming Moe] [8F11] [Free] Squirrel Resembling Abraham Lincoln Found [Photo of Abraham Lincoln and squirrel seen] [8F11] [Free] Prez Sez: "School is For Losers" [8F17] [Free] Lottery Drawing Today;  President, Rock Star to Swap Wives [photo of lottery wheel with sign $130,000,000] [9F02] [Free] Lisa Kicks Butt (Photo of Lisa on Laramie Cigarette float) [9F02] [Free] Queen to Mayor: You're Next (Photo of Lisa and Mayor Quimby); Nerds Pummelled [Sic] in Football Melee [9F04] [Free] [THOH III] November 19, 1936 Woman Weds Ape;  Dick Cavett Born [as it spins it changes to Woody Allen and then changes back] [9F08] [Free] Mondale to Hart: Where's the Beef? (photos of Mondale and Hart) [9F10] [Free] Burns Pays City 3 Mil! (photo of cop wheeling Burns out with Smithers carrying statue of Justice he also bought) [9F19] [No Price] Who is Gabbo? (Message on p. A23) [9F19] [No Price] Five Days til Gabbo [9F19] [No Price] Gabbo Here Today [9F19] [No Price] Quimby Re-elected by Landslide;  Two More Bodies Surface in Springfield Harbor (photo of victorious Quimby) [9F19] [Free] Gabbo Still #1 in Springfield;  Brockman Fired (photos of Gabbo and Brockman shown) [9F19] [No Price] Krusty Special Airs Today; Gabbo to Have Real Boy Operation [photo of Krusty] [9F21] Snow storm hits the Midwest [1F01] [No Price] Burns' Birthday Today; Credits Long Life to Satan [photo shows Satan giving Burns a check for one billion dollars] [1F09] [Free] Cat Burglar Strikes 15 Homes!;  Man Marries Woman in Wedding Ceremony [1F09] [Free] Burglar Strikes Again; Is Nothing Safe? [paper gets stolen] [1F09] [Free] Zirconia Ztolen!!!; Simpson Asleep at Switch [photo of Homer, lying outside asleep on the grass, surrounded by empty beer cans] [1F12] [Free] Local Gays Show Their Pride [photo of Bart at Gay Pride parade] [1F14] [Free] Big Fat Man Has Big Fat Heart; Little Thin Man Accused in Robbery [photo of Homer eating] [1F15] [Free] KBBL Cheats Straight-A Student!!!  [photo of Bart] [1F19] [Free] Quimby Nephew Charged in Beating;  Chowder said Wrong [photo of nephew being arrested by Eddite and Lou] [2F02] [Free] Bob Pardon: #1 Local Issue;  Edges Out "No Fat Chicks" Ordinance [2F02] [Free] Call For Probe in Bob Flap;  Editorial: Why Not Let Dead Pets Vote? [2F02] [Free] Toddlers Topple Mayor [photo of Bart and Lisa];  Expressway Halt Rankles Elderly [photo of Grampa] [2F11] [Free] Prez Sez: "School For Losers" [2F11] [Free] Boy Discovers Comet (photo of smiling Bart) [2F11] [Free] Rocket to Kick Comet's Tail (photo of rocket);  Mayor Visits City [2F16] [Free] Awful School is Awful Rich (photo of Springfield Elementary with an oil well coming out of the roof) [2F16] [Free] Burns Plans Sunshine Halt (photo of Burns);  SPECIAL SECTION: Your Guide to Perpetual Darkness; Town Meeting Friday Note: This newspaper can also be seen on the Season 6 DVD Extras index page. [2F17] [Free] Who Will Be Fallout Boy?  Who Will Be Fallout Boy? (shadow of head with question mark) [2F17] [Free] Milhouse Disappears!  Movie on Hold [photo of masked Milhouse seen] [2F17] [Free] Spinning Newspaper Injures Printer [2F31] [Free] (older issue) Incontinent Old Man Wins Miss Teen America [photo of Burns in dress with flowers and crown] [3F01] [Free] (older issue) America Loves Ted Kennedy (photo of Ted Kennedy on cover) [3F01] [Free] (older issue) 40 Trampled at Poco Concert [3F06] [Free] Local Man Loses Pants, Life  Beaver Rescue Falls Short (Four photos of beavers.) [3F08] [not shown] Simpson Family looking at advertisement for the Air Show [3F13] [no price] Parade to Distract Joyless Citizenry [3F15] [page 10] Troy A Little Tenderness (photo of Troy kissing Selma) Look Who's Drunk: McBain drunk [3F15] [35 cents] Troy Weds (photo of Selma and Troy) (photo of Troy) [3F16] [Free] Bum Sues Cartoon King; Got Legal Fee From Some Family [3F18] [35 cents] Helms Calls for Donut Tax;  Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead {photo of Helms] [3F20] [35 cents] Quimby's Proposition 24 on Ballot;  Quimby Propositions 24 at Ballet [photo of Quimby at mike] [3F20] [35 cents] Police Prepare for Deportations; Bear Patrol Steps Up Bombing Campaign [photo of helicopter dropping bombs] [3F23] [35 cents] Supervillian Seizes East Coast [photo of Hank Scorpio] [3F24] [not seen] Kickin' Back;  Fifty Ways to Waste Your Weekend [3G01] [35 cents] Human Blimp Sees Flying Saucer [photo of Homer] [4F03] [35 cents] Champ to Whale on Local Man [photos of champ and Homer] [4F12] [35 cents] Funny Dog to Make Life Worth While [photo of Pouchie] [4F14] [35 cents] Maniac to Live at Brother's Apartment [photo of Sideshow Bob and Cecil] [4F15] [35 cents] Alcohol Prohibited in Springfield;  Bums Threaten to Leave Town [4F15] [35 cents] City Goes Dry Today;  Bums Extend Deadline [4F15] [35 cents] Banner Bars Booze;  Booze Barred By Banner [photo of Banner] [4F15] [35 cents] Beer Baron Beats Banner;  Family Sedan Outruns Cops [4F17] [35 cents] Burns to Open Recycling Plant;  Makes Other Bums Look Bad [photo of Burns picking up trash] [5F02] [35 cents] Neutron Bomb Headed for Springfield - Hippo Promoted to Detective (photo of hippo with police hat) [5F06] [not seen] Gruesome murders at socialite's house;  Mrs. Astor Safe [5F07] [35 cents] Simpsons Scam Springfield;  Angry Mob Mulls Options [photo of OFF] [5F09] [50 cents] New Face in Trash Race - Local Nut At It Again [photo of Homer] [5F09] [50 cents] Simpson Wins In Landslide;  Says "Crazy Promises" The Key [photo of Homer giving a thumbs up] [5F10] [35? cents] Dog Kills Cat, Self [photo of dog] [5F18] [50 cents] Local couple bares all; [photo of Homer & Marge naked with appropriate parts censored]  Police dog clings to life [photo of dog] [5F23] [35 cents] Springfield Shopper Purchased by Evil Cult; Check Out Our New Cult Lifestyle Section [the Evil is crossed out and Nice is written in] [AABF09] [not seen] It's War! [photo of nuclear cloud] [AABF11] Tax Hike Approved [AABF16] [50 cents] Town Prepares for Olympics; Pickpockets Call Up Reserves [AABF21] [5 cents] [flashback] Unusually Large, Ugly Baby Born [photo of Homer as baby] [BABF03] [50 cents] Nahasapeemapetilan-tastic! [photo of Apu's octuplets] [CABF01] [50 cents] Lisa Alive!  Hemp City reduced to stems and seeds [photo of Lisa] [CABF02] [50 cents] Web Snoop Exposes Pool Hustle [picture of hooded man] [CABF13] [50 cents] Food Supply Cut Short Off - Even Pies [CABF14] [50 cents] [March 21] First Day of Spring - Ants, Picnickers, Reach Last-Minute Accord [photos of picnic-er and ant] [CABF22] [50 cents Daily 1.75 Sunday] Pair Sinks Judge's House  Quilt Ruined [photo of house boat sinking] [DABF01] [25 cents] Simpsons Arrested in Family Riot - Even Maggie [DABF04] [50 cents] Sleep Important, Say Experts - Slow News Day Grips Springfield [DABF11] [not seen] Medical Marijuana Outlawed [bong in red circle strikeout on cover] [DABF16] [50 cents] HO. J. SIMPSONS Trial Starts Today [picture of Homer] [DABF17] [50 cents] Heat Wave Continues [words then melt off front of newspaper] [DABF18] [50 cents] Crazed Mom Goes Topless  Photos Pages 3-28  TV Clown Saves Day  [Tiny photo of Krusty] [EABF02] [50 cents] Teacher Nominated for Award: Will She Leave Old Life Behind? [Mrs. Krabappel shown at podium]; Closed Pistachio Stymies Fatso [CBG shown holding a pistachio] [EABF03] [no price] Drunk Cop Fired From Force; Private Eye Wins Bake-Off [EABF08] [50 cents] Lonely Men Die Early [EABF12] [50 cents] Bumblebee Man Caught In Sting [photo of trapped Bumblebee Man] [EABF14] [no price] LIFEWAYS Weekend Edition: Ale Of The Pup [Santa's Little Helper seen drinking Duff] [EABF16] [50 cents] Cavalry Kids Lead Charge In Cleanup; President Shoots Wife [photo of calvalry kids] [EABF17] [not visible] Cover: Miss Springfield[?] Inside: Baby Saved By Local Hero, Not Father; Men's Dress Slacks At Low Prices! Costington's [EABF18] [50 cents] Mayor Unveils Erection to Cheering Crowd [shown on TV by Kent Brockman] [EABF18] [50 cents] Peace Talks Break Down [picture of tank seen] [EABF18] [50 cents] Iowa Home to World's Biggest Pizza [FABF03] [50 cents] "Families Come First" On Ballot - Second Headline Less Important, Studies Show [Photo of Marge Simpson with arms crossed] [FABF03] [50 cents] "Families Come First" Wrong For Springfield [FABF03] [50 cents] Costs Too Much, Does Too Little [FABF04] [25 cents] Can't see a headline, but observe the price! [FABF08] [50 cents] Simpsons Found Guilty, Sentenced to 10 Tears [Homer pictured being led away] Local Bully to Homer" "Haw Haw" [picture of Nelson pointing] [FABF17] [Springfield Shopper Editor to writer] I want you to over hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times! Or the New York Times look like the New York Post. I forget which one the good one is. [FABF17] [no price] U-ASS-A! [FABF18] Springfield Shopper: A Division of BurnsMedia [Sign now outside headquarters] [FABF18] [50 cents] Beloved Hero Cheats Death (referring to Burns) [FABF18] [50 cents] Lisa's a Total Wacko, Implies Father [photo of Homer talking into the lamp in Burn's office] [FABF18] [50 cents] Lisa Loves Milhouse [separate photos of Lisa and Milhouse] [FABF20] [50 cents] Father of Eight Missing [photo of Apu seen] [GABF01] [50 cents] (framed in Moe's) Triple Murder At Moe's (picture of Moe's) [GABF02] [50 cents] (Shown during "The Passion of Cain and Abel") Massachusetts Okays Gay Marriage [GABF02] [50 cents] (Shown during "The Passion of Cain and Abel") Stem Cells Cure Alzheimers [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Wiggum Sleeps Through Riot (illustrated with Wiggum sleeping and another of a riot burning a car and looting) [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Top Cop Surrenders to Backfiring Car (illustrated with Wiggum holding his hands up to a police car behind him) [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Firemen Rescue Police Chief From Tree (classic scene of firemen climbing a ladder up a tree but with Wiggum instead of a cat) [GABF03] [50 cents] (framed on Wiggum's wall) Commission: Wiggum Sucks (illustrated with Wiggum give a thumbs up) [GABF03] [50 cents] Hail Drought Continues  Tin Roofs Undented [GABF03] [50 cents] Wiggum Rescues Boy  No, Really (Illustrated with photo of Wiggum with arm around Bart) [GABF08] [50 cents] God Steals Sun - Mayor Offers Sacrifices (illustrated by picture of eclipsed sun and Quimby holding a lamb and a goat) [GABF09] [50 cents] Local Father, Son May Switch Religions [GABF13] [50 cents] L'il Starmaker Fever Sweeps Springfield! (illustrated with a picture of Krusty the Clown) [GABF13] [50 cents] 10-Year-Old Boy Disqualified - Is Actually Paul Simon (illustrated with Paul Simon in cuffs led away by the police) [GABF13] [50 cents] L'il Starmaker Down To Three Finalists (illustrated with photo of Lisa, Cameron and Clarisa Wellington) [HABF01] [50 cents] Couch Gag Thrills Nation (standard family on couch watching television scene) (Couch scene opening, reused in [JABF10]) [HABF08] [cover not seen] Homer cuts article out of Springfield Shopper: Family Circus [HABF09] [50 cents] Old Man Beats Meat (toreador Grampa Simpson photo shown) [HABF15] [50 cents] Local Man Thinks Wrestling is Real (photo of Homer cheering on a wrestling match) [HABF17] [50 cents] Bulls Hospitalized: Nerds, Dorks Cautiously Rejoice (no photo) [HABF17] [2 cents] October 31, 1938 - Broadcast Fools Nation, Springfield (photo of Orson Welles broadcasting) [JABF01] [35 cents] Today We Remember Martin Luther King - Tomorrow We Don't [JABF10] [50 cents] Couch Gag Thrills Nation (photo of Simpsons in standard couch view) [JABF14] [50 cents] Mayor's Breath Still Problem (Photo of Mayor Quimby); Corn Less Popular; Bake Sale Today (Milhouse pretending to read, holding upside down, spying) [MOVIE1] [50 cents] Springfield Cleans Up Act - Pushy Kid Nags Town (photo of Lisa) [KABF01] [50 cents] Boy Shames Region (angry Bart pictured, arms crossed) [KABF07] [35 cents] [Lisa imagines] Bart Killed Martin (picture of Bart) Lisa Helped (picture of Lisa) [KABF16] [50 cents] Christmas Occurs [KABF19] [cover not seen] The Daily Crossword [KABF21] [50 cents] [Homer imagines] Honey Famine Continues (drawing of empty honey pot and dipper) [LABF09] [50 cents] Springfield Community Playhouse Presents [LABF09] [not visible] Macbeth's Best [LABF19] [no price] Wiccan Curse Blinds Half The Town - Newspaper Sales Plunge 50 Percent [MABF02] [50 cents] Out Of The Mouth Of Abe By Marshall Goodman (photo of Grampa and photo of scene from WWI: SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU BUT WE'D LIKE TO BE RESCUED) [MABF02] [5 cents] August 1, 1933 - Curly to Shemp: You're Out! (photo of Curly and Shemp) [MABF11] (Can't see price or headline!) [MABF14] [50 cents] Couch Flees Family, Hides in Newspaper (part of couch opening!)  (Homer reaches down and turns pages) Springfield Shopper Sports - Couch Wins Big Games (we see couch on basketball court) Springfield Shopper Business - Couch Visits NYSE (we see couch in the NYSE) Springfield Shopper (on very top, not a heading) SOFA SALE (nine couches, ours on top right with $449.00 price) Springfield Shopper COMICS Top One is "COUCH GAG by Matt Groening" Springfield Shopper Classified "YELLOW FAMILY SEEKS COUCH" "ALL IS FORGIVEN" (amongst many other ads) [MABF14] [50 cents] Storm Batters Town - Meteorologists Suspect Child's Prayer (photos show damages) [MABF22] [no price] [1944 flashback] War Extra 9 A.M. Final Allied Armies Advance [NABF16] [50 cents] Sept 6 - Mayor Vows to 'Lie Less' (Photo of mayor giving a press conference) [NABF19] [50 cents] [THOH] Latest Victims (Illustrated with pictures of Montgomery Burns and Sideshow Bob) [PABF02] [50 cents] 2 1/2 Stars - For Fans Only (Illustrated with picture of Krusty) [RABF05] [50 cents] DVD Useless, Generation Ruined (Shows picture of DVD and graph showing baby's IQ dropping to near zero.) [RABF06] [no price] GODFREY!!! (Photo of Grandpa as Glamorous Godfrey) [RABF06] [no price] Glamorous Godfrey Wins Again!!! (Photo of Grandpa as Glamorous Godfrey) [RABF06] [no price] Glamorous Godfrey Unstoppable!!! (Photo of Grandpa as Glamorous Godfrey) [RABF06] [10 Cents] Glamorous Godfrey Can't Be Beat!!! (Photo of Grandpa as Glamorous Godfrey) [RABF06] [no price] Glamorous Godfrey Wins Again!!! (Photo of Grandpa as Glamorous Godfrey) [RABF06] [10 Cents] Good-Godfrey! (Photo of Grandpa as Glamorous Godfrey) [RABF10] [50 Cents] Justice With A Side Of Fruit (Fruit Batman standing over three unconscious hoodlums) [RABF10] [50 Cents] Superhero Cracks Gambling Ring, Hip (Fruit Batman lying on a gambling table, in pain, Fat Tony looking on) [RABF10] [50 Cents] Fruit Bat Man - Saves Kitten, Releases Hounds (Fruit Bat Man holding kitten with hounds in background barking up the right tree where the culprit sits) [RABF17] [no price] [Homer imagines..] Brain Killed In Fishing Accident (We see photo of gravestone RIP) Other Newspapers [SI01] A copy of Springfield Elementary School Weekly News was included with Simpsons Illustrated #3! America Today (appears within movie Left Below) [GABF14] Permissive Lifestyles on Rise - Bible Mocked Apartment Finder "We Put You in Your Place" [EABF12] Advertisement within; Roomate Wanted For Three Bedroom Apartment Spacious, river view, only $400 a month. Call KLN-5555 ask for Grady or Julio or visit between 9am- 5pm at Village Apartments, Springfield. The Barney Bugle [FABF18] Beijing Daily Worker - English Edition [MABF03] New Fortune Cookies Vaguer, More Accurate (Picture of fortune cookie) Former Minister of Cookies Executed The Boston Phoenix [PABF02] Network rep: ..and the critics are in our pocket. Krusty: Even The Boston Phoenix? Chateau d'if Times [JABF05] Prisoner's Wife Remarries (photo of Marge with Moe) The Chicago Daily Tribune [DABF18] Dewey Defeats Truman - G.O.P. Sweep Indicated in State; Boyle Leads in City [FABF18] Section B: Ralphings: I Can Go On The Bus [by Ralph Wiggum] The Chippewa Bugle [JABF04] Feds to Keep Interest Rates Steady The Couch Chronicle [NABF03] 25 [cents] Ottomon Empire Collapses; More Photos, Story, Pages 6,7,8,9; Map of couch shaped country shown [newspaper couch is reading during opening] The Daily Growl [KABF14] Man Bites Dog [KABF14] Homer: (pulling "newspaper" from dog) Give me back my paper! Marge: Homer it's not a real paper it's a rubber chew toy! The Daily Husband [PABF02] The Krusty The Clown Show: Retro Reboot! "A Painless Night Out" - The Daily Husband The Daily Mail [EABF22] Bart and Prince Harry - Out of Control? [Picture of Bart, Prince Harry, and a bouncer outside of a club and two observers) The Daily Set-Up [CABF08] Lisa reads about event at Android's Dungeon but no headline is seen Daily Variety [KABF11] Sundance Edition - Sundance Loves Little Backstabber (photo of Lisa Simpson) The Evening Standard [FABF10] [Picture of ringed planet on cover] [HABF03] (Newspaper Grampa is reading in flashback with Homer as a little boy) [Picture of Saturn on cover. Again] The Financial Times [JABF09] (Krusty reading while Cletus children are performing) The Globe [AABF21] Titanic Sinks 1500 Dead Gotham Herald [JABF05] Crimson Cockatoo Beaten Senseless (Photo of a semi-conscious Grampa wearing a strange costume) [JABF05] Muscular Child Terrorizes Underworld (Photo of Bartman) Herald [AABF21] Zep Crash Kills 31 The Homer Times [FABF08] My Daughter, The Hero [Illustrated with photo of Lisa] All my daughter ever did was to tell people to think for themselves. I may be her father, but when I grow up, I want to be just like her. Except still a dude. The Humbletonian [GABF15] [50 cents] Hair Führer (illustrated with photo of Ned Flanders) Jewish News [AABF21] State of Israel Born The Lenny Saver [FABF08] The Truth About Carl: He's Great! [Illustrated with photo of Carl] The Mirror [EABF22] Simpo to UK: "I'll Kill You All" [Angry picture of Homer Simpson] [EABF22] Wacko Jacko to Blimpo Simp: Sell Me Your Bones [Illustrated with picture of Jackson and Homer] National Informer Largest Circulation of Any Paper 79 cents [7G09] [79 cents] Bigfoot Still At Large [photo of Bigfoot Homer] [7G09] [79 cents] I Married Bigfoot; Shocking Interview Inside [photo of Bigfoot Homer] [7G09] [79 cents] Bigfoot's Wife Pleads: "Call Him Homer!"; Lurid Details Inside! [photo of Bigfoot Homer] [7G09] [79 cents] The Bigfoot Diet: "Pork Chops Aplenty"; Tasty Recipes Inside [photo of Bigfoot Homer in chefs hat] The National Whoops [EABF08] Sara Lives In Sin, Mess The New Dehli Daily [FABF20] [2 Rupees] Steve Barnes Opens Convenience Store (picture of Apu with glasses and wig disguise) The New York Post [FABF17] [Springfield Shopper Editor to writer] I want you to over hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times! Or the New York Times look like the New York Post. I forget which one the good one is. [FABF21] [Late City Edition 50 cents] Bard To Death (We see Lisa Simpson as Juliet lying dead) The New York Times [CABF16] Sign outside awards ceremony: The Good Guy Awards "Pointless" - NY Times [EABF12] Homer: Why are you reading the New York Times? You don't live in New York! [EABF18] Greenspan Won't Deny Rumor of No Rate Hike [FABF17] [Springfield Shopper Editor to writer] I want you to over hype this story so much it makes the New York Post look like the New York Times! Or the New York Times look like the New York Post. I forget which one the good one is. [KABF19] New York Times and New York Times crosswords feature promenently in this episode [KABF19] Actual Nov 16 2008 Sunday New York Times crossword has Simpsons theme in clues and answers and is used within episode [KABF19] Lisa: Grampa, everyone knows the only real test of skill is the New York Times crossword edited by Will Shortz. [KABF19] NY Times Puzzle editors Will Shortz and Merle Reagle guest star on The Simpsons. Outhouse Times Picayune [EABF02] Reporter Cletus The Post [AABF21] It's V-E Day! Queer Focus [GABF15] (Found by Bart in artsy Limited Appeal Theatre) Racing Form [2F01] Racing Form [JABF05] Racing Form The Red Dress Press [Lisa's newspaper!] [FABF18] Lisa to Burns: 'Drop Dead' [parody of "Ford to City: Drop Dead" in Daily News] Ralph Wiggum's Oscar Picks [Illustrated with picture of Ralph Wiggum picking..] [FABF18] Political cartoon of Burns tying the dog Free Speech to the tracks with train Smithers about to run him over. [FABF18] Nyah, Nyah, We're Back Lisa Rules, Burns Drools [FABF18] Final "I Give Up" Edition [PABF06] The Red Dress Press [square on Marge's quilt] The Sentinel (when Marge was 16) [JABF07] Cheerleader Flung Into Next County (photo of Cheerleader flying out of a stadium) [JABF07] Boy Brings Enough For Everyone (photo of children gathered around cupcakes) [JABF07] Typing Class Tragedy (photo of fifteen coffins) Springfield Bugle [MABF02] MCMXXXII Evening News - 5 cents - Bike Wheels Now Same Size (photo of bicycle) Springfield High News [FABF22] Sham Chowder by Chloe Talbot Photo by Marge Bouvier (photo of Moe spitting into the soup) Springfield Power Plant Employee Newsletter ['Current' Events] [7F02] Work Accidents Reach Record Low [7F02] Output up 15 Percent [7F02] Management Caves in Condiment Outrage [3F05] (Vol. 7 Employee Newsletter) Burns Survives Brush With Shut-In (Photo of Burns and partial of Homer) Springfield Times [AABF21] Man Walks on the Moon Springfield Variety (see also Variety) [8F19] HIX IN STIX LOVE CHIX LIX [9F19] GABBO FABBO! KRUSTY RUSTY! (photos of Gabbo and a dejected Krusty shown) [3F15] McClure Ankles Obscurity (wedding photo of Troy and Selma) Springfield Weekly [7G09] Science and Creatures; Big Foot Hunt; Reward Offer $5000.00 alive; Details Inside The Sun [EABF22] Yankee Doodle Randy: Topless Homer on Page 3 [EABF22] Judge Goes Medieval on Simpson's Ass [picture of Judge] The Times of London [EABF22] Yank Bangs Queen, Old Bean [Picture of Homer with caption "Homer J. Simpson"] Toon Times [BABF04] Scientist Clones Sheep [on I&S] Twin Spin [FABF08] Are You a Patty or a Selma? US of A Today [8F04] America's Favorite Pencil; #2 is #1 Variety (see also Springfield Variety) [2F17] Milhouse Meltdown: Ankles Pic - Flick Sick (Rubert Murdoch's) Wall Street Journal [JABF17] Republican Tax Cuts Let Marge Simpson Succeed (drawing or Marge on cover) [JABF18] [Opening blackboard] The Wall Street Journal Is Better Than Ever Washington Beacon [8F01] [Free] Never Too Busy....[Lisa with Congressman] [8F01] [Free] EXTRA! Congress Cleans House [Photo of Bob Arnold behind bars] The Washingtoon Post (within an Itchy & Scratchy Movie) [MOVIE1] Mouse Hero Returns - Did Everything to Save Cat (Itchy saluting in front of US Flag) A Widow Mourns (Mrs. Scratchy mourning in veil with hankerchef) Weekly World News [EABF08] Can't your buddy Moe stop by with a list of questions from the Weekly World News? The Willy World News [FABF08] [reviews the new tractors] The Flanders Press [3F01] Playtime is Fun [3F01] Extra Extra! Todd Smells [3F01] Simpson Kids Miss Mom & Dad Daily Fourth Gradian [7F19] Bart to Martin: "Eat My Shorts"  Simpson Wins Debate! [7F19] Simpson Defeats Prince [7F19] Extra!!! Prince Beats Simpson [photo of Martin holding up newspaper "Simpson Defeats Prince" mimicking incorrect Chicago Tribune headline "Dewey Defeats Truman" of November 3, 1948] [8F15] Foodfight Foiled Fishsticks Seized [photo of Skinner behind Bart] [DABF13] Photo on front shows Groundskeeper Willy and Groundskeeper Willie's enemy Seamus [DABF15] Martin Prince, Daily Fourth Gradian, asks Skinner to let him take his photo for the society page [EABF20] School Elections Today Are you a Bart or a Milhouse? Take Our Quiz [FABF17] In-De No-Pants Day! [JABF19] Lisa Simpson Awarded Student of Millenium [JABF22] Mad About Milhouse 73% - Batty For Bart 27% - Illustrated with bar graphs and Milhouse/Bart heads [LABF15] Exclusive: Tipsy Teacher Mars Assembly - Reveals Size of Principal's Wang - "I know wasted - and that's wasted." Jimbo Jones - Cover of Krabappel, inset of Jimbo and Springfield Elementary [LABF18] We see the office of the Daily Fourth Gradian, with people typing on real typewriters. [LABF18] Lost and Found Box Lost, Found  By Bobby Johnson, Staff Writer [LABF18] Nerd Stands Up To Bully  Memorial Service Wednesday  By Bobby Jones, Staff Writer [LABF18] Joe's Too Sloppy [NABF14] After Recess Edition  A Publication of Springfield Elementary School  Home of the Future LIE-ISA! By Martin Prince (Photo of dejected Lisa holding a key) [NABF15] Nedna: Will It Last? (We see three photos of Nedna eating ice cream cones, holding hands, and in a boat) [PABF05] Milhouse walks out of his house in the morning and picks up his morning paper - the Daily Fourth Gradian. [PABF14] Daily Fourth Gradian web site: D4G Online message board threads: Uncensored jump-rope chants Lisa Simpson Dodgeball-fixing scandal Houses that give out apples on Halloween Miss Hoover's see-thru blouse? Secret Crushes REVEALED! [PABF14] Top Student Hits Bottom (photo of Lisa Simpson) Other Newspaper References Scratchy reading a unidentified newspapers [9F01] Moon Launch Today! [9F13] You Need a Heart to Live Another unidentified newspaper on I&S: [3F16] Scratchy Dead! Peace After Long Illness Personal Ads in Paper [9F04] ... YOU LIKE pina colada, getting caught in the rain? Come with me and escape. Box 205. [9F04] SWF WANTED For mysterious expedition. Must like monkeys. Non-smoker preferred. [Marge answers this ad in THOH III] [9F04] SWF NEEDED to rescue me from the jaws of bachelorhood. Box 953 Headline Homer reads to avoid talking to Marge [9F05] Canada to Hold Referendum Homer Achieves a Lifelong Dream in unidentified newspaper article [9F10] IDIOT RUINS GAME Springfield Forfeits Pennant (Photo of Homer running across field with two cops chasing him) Lisa listens to Corey reading a newspaper on the Corey Hotline [9F12] Canada stalls on trade pact. Bart's Gag Headline From the Carnival [2F14] * Extra * Extra * Bart Named World's Greatest Sex Machine Homer's Food Reviews in the Springfield Shopper [AABF21] Nuts to Soup by Homer Simpson, Food Critic [AABF21] Cod is Great Scrod is Good [AABF21] Thar, She Blows! Homer's Suggestions For the Oops Patrol [EABF18] Cranford Man Missing [EABF18] Drought Threatens to Turn West Into Desert Other Printed Media Books & Plays Listed in title order, or in the absence of a title, by author. [1F06] 10 Do's and 100 Don'ts of Knife Safety [HABF19] 1876 by Gore Vidal [GABF14] 1989 The Year of the Armageddon [NABF19] 20 Great Walks in Madrid as imagined by Homer Simpson [MABF18] 2z = -64 [MABF17] 4th Grade Spelling [PABF04] The 60 FT. Baby by Burns' Lawyer [RABF05] A Child's Garden of Milli Vanilli Jokes Edited by Krusty The Clown [RABF01] A Farewell to Arm by Herman Hermann [FABF05], [NABF22] "A" is for Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [NABF17] A Man, A Plan, A Canal, Panama: The 800 Best-Loved Teddy Roosevelt Palindromes [NABF22] The Absolute Death by Neil Gaiman [NABF22] The Absolute Sandman by Neil Gaiman [EABF02] Advanced Algebra [1F07] Advanced Calculus [2F10] Advanced Marketing [MABF11] Advanced Plastic Surgery ASAPS (that's the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery) [NABF22] Adventures in Blood Drinking [NABF22] The Adventures of Huckleberry Fang [LABF11] The Adventures of Tin Tin: The Crab with The Golden Claws [PABF16] Al Roker on Poker by Al Roker [RABF05] Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Uncle [MABF18] Algorithms Compendium [EABF17], [MABF01] Alice in Wonderland [MABF18] All-Star Classics [KABF13] Almanac [NABF03] Already-Solved Crossword Puzzles Guaranteed Solved! [PABF03] America: Love It Or I'll Punch You! by Homer Simpson "36 pgs. including index" [DABF07] America's 2nd Best Short Stories [3F15] American Automobile Guide Book [NABF22] American Gods by Neil Gaiman [7F04] American Literature [NABF22] Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman [RABF12] Dune [BABF17] Animation for Dummies [LABF11] Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt [NABF22] Angelica Button and The Chalice of Consequence by T.R. Francis [NABF22] Angelica Button and the Dragon King's Trundle Bed by T.R. Francis [RABF09] Angelica Button and The Ending Where She Dies But Doesn't [NABF22] Angelica Button and The Half-Blood Pudding by T.R. Francis [NABF22] Angelica Button and the Marmalade of Destiny by T.R. Francis [NABF22] Angelica Button and the Mystery of Secrets by T.R. Francis [NABF22] Angelica Button and the Scone of Destiny by T.R. Francis [KABF08] Angelica Button and the Teacup of Terror by T.R. Francis [KABF08], [NABF22] Angelica Button and the Deadly Denouement by T.R. Francis [LABF20] Angelica Button [and the?] Infinite Armoire by T. R. Francis [RABF10] The Angry Scotman's Bible [LABF15] The Answer   "Available wherever dubious quasi-scientific self-help books are sold." [GABF14] Any Day Newt [NABF22] The Apothecary [3F01] Aramaic Septuagint [9F04] Arcana [RABF05] Are You There, Darwin? it's me, Margaret [NABF22] Are You There Glycon? It's me Alan Moore [5F23] Arithmetic the Leader's Way [GABF14] Armageddon [LABF14] Arsenio! [7F23] The Art of War by Sun Tzu [NABF22] As I Lay Undying II [NABF22] As I Lay Undying [JABF17], [PABF20] Asterix [7G02] Astrophysics [3F20] Backdoors to Citizenship [7G02] Babylonian Myths [NABF22] The Babybiters Club [9F04] Baby's First Popup Book [4F13] Babysitter Twins #20, The President's Baby is Missing [4F13] Babysitter Twins #??, The Formula Formula [7G02] Balzac [NABF22] The Barefoot Contessa's Ringworm Solution [MABF03] Barf Yorself Thin [NABF04] The Bartender's Bible "The Gospel according to Swig McJigger" [LABF20] Bartending Guide [MABF18] Baseball Hall of Fame [1F07] Basic Margeting [3F15] Bean-Bag Furniture Repair [EABF19] The Bear Went Over the Mountain [picture of bear holding a pocketbook] [1F18] Beard Book, by Sebastian Cabot [7F09] Bedtime Stories [within an I&S cartoon!] [2F10] Beginning Marketing [NABF22] Being and Nothingness and Zombies [NABF16] Being Short is no Hinderance to Greatness [Musical about Kim Jong Il that Wayne Slater was forced to write while a North Korean prisoner] [LABF01] The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath [EABF19] The Berenstain Bears [MABF18] The Berrystained Bears Stick Together [JABF14] Be Your Own Dentist [7G07], [7G08], [7F08], [7F11], [7F13], [7F20], [7F23], [7F24], [8F05], [8F12], [8F16], [8F21], [9F01], [9F03], [9F04], [9F08], [9F21], [9F22], [1F01], [1F03], [1F14], [1F17], [1F20], [1F22], [2F01], [2F02], [2F03], [2F04], [2F12], [2F14], [2F31], [3F01], [3F02], [3F09], [3F13], [4F02], [4F06], [4F07], [4F11], [4F17], [5F02], [5F09], [5F11], [AABF06], [AABF14], [AABF20], [BABF05], [BABF06], [BABF10], [CABF02], [CABF03], [CABF15], [DABF02], [DABF11], [DABF13], [DABF16], [EABF06], [EABF08], [EABF09], [EABF15], [FABF02], [GABF02], [GABF14], [GABF15], [HABF04], [HABF14], [HABF16], [MOVIE1], [JABF21], [MABF08], [MABF10], [NABF19], [RABF06], [RABF09] The Bible [GABF02] The Bible for Wise-Asses [9F15] Big Book of British Smiles [8F05] The Big Book of Chosen People [MABF18] Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract [NABF22] Bloodyfruit Jungle [NABF22] The Body Snatcher in the Rye [HABF19] The Bonfire of the Vanities [9F04] Book of Magick and Spells Vol. II [Time Life] [NABF22] Booze Cruise of the Dawn Treader [2F07] Bordello Repair Vol. I [2F07] Bork on Sex [PABF10] Bossypants by Tina Fey [9F04] Bottom 12 Math Words [NABF22] The Bourne Continuation [NABF22] The Bourne Exploitation [MABF03] The Bourne Retirement [GABF20] Brain Teasers [2F33], [KABF04] The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller [JABF17] Bronz Boarder [NABF19] The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky [NABF22] Buffy the Vampire Be-er [HABF19] Burr by Gore Vidal [7G02] Byron [HABF12] Calculus [7G02] Candide [8F17] Canine Surgery [NABF09] Carpenters and Seymour An Introduction by J.D. Salinger [EABF01] Cat in the Hat [implied] [PABF03] Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut [NABF09] Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (mentioned, not seen) [KABF06] Catholic School Punishment Guidelines [GABF10] The Cereal Is The Prize - And Other Management Secrets I Learned at Breakfast [MABF18] Chaos Theory in Baseball Analyses [KABF11] Charlotte's Web [NABF22] Chat Roulette With The Vampire [NABF22] Cheer Bleeders Sophomore Year [NABF22] Cheerbleeders: Sophomore Year [GABF14] Chicken Soup for the Damned Soul [LABF08] Chicks With Cliques [5F21] A Child's Garden of Edison [CABF03] A Child's Garden of Cons by Grampa Simpson [aka Grifty McGrift] [3F01] Childrens Bible [RABF11] Children's Illustrated Bible [BABF17] Christianity for Dummies [HABF22] Cincinnati Time Waste: Rules and Regulations [NABF15] Cinderella [GABF02] Citizen Kane [DABF16] Classic Children's Stories [DABF08] Classics for Children [NABF22] Cloud Atlas 2: Cumulus Rising [FABF19] Cloudy Day Diversions (What Marge uses for Bart's party) [BABF08] Clue in the Clock by Nancy Drew; Nancy Drew let out a low whistle. This isn't an old windmill at all. It's a new windmill. [NABF22] Cocktail Party Make-You-Thinks by Malcolm Gladwell [HABF05] Common-Slob to Brahmin Snob: A Guide to Etiquette (Spine; cover reads Genteel Ben's Guide to Etiquette) [MABF18] Complete Baseball Encyclopedia Vol. I [1F09] The Complete Handyman Bookshelf Vol I Spice Racks Vol II Knick Knack Shelves Vol III Trojan Horses [NABF22] A Condeaderacy of Dunces (Conferederate soldier stabbing a Union soldier with a confederate flag) [1F09] Coping with Loss [NABF22] Coraline by Neil Gaiman [RABF05] Corduroy vs. Paddington [FABF08], [HABF19] The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen [BABF17] Cow Tipping for Dummies [JABF05] Count of Mount Cristo [PABF19] Crazy Things Old Ladies Say - Battleaxe Books [7G02] Crime & Punishment [RABF01] Crying on the Inside by Dr. Hibbert [MABF11] Cuddly Puppies Calendar [3G02] Curious George and the Ebola Virus [HABF19] The Da Vinci Code [JABF09] Dali [FABF14] Dayton: Two Exits of Fun! [BABF22] Death Be Not Proud [PABF10] Death in Venice by Thomas Mann [NABF22] Death to Freezeframers [JABF09] Degas [7G02] Design of Computers [RABF05] Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid [8F04] Dictionary [8F04] Homer imagines looking up stupid in dictionary and finding himself listed [1F20] Webster's Dictionary; Homer: Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as, "The process of removing weeds from one's garden." [2F10] Homer looking up marketing in The New American Dictionary (to improve bowling alley business!) [2F15] Hugh (Lisa's imagined future husband) says he'll get the dictionary thinking Lisa wouldn't know the word stochastic [2F18] Marge says she's going to write the dictionary people to remove the word bitch [DABF14] Homer takes out a dictionary to look up the word eunuch [EABF18] Hippie-English Dictionary [HABF07] Flanders-English English-Flanders Dictionary [HABF07] Simpsons-English English-Simpsons Dictionary [MABF04] On Bart's desk [MABF09] Marge finds Dictionary in Bart's room with secret cutout pocket [EABF02] Doughboys [JABF17] Dr. Fun [NABF22] Dragonfriends of Plonk [NABF22] Drink It On [HABF20] Drink Your Own Blood and Save - Oprah Recommends: "Buy Three Copies" [4F15] The Drunken Irish Novelists of Springfield [a parade book float] [RABF12] Dune [RABF12] Dune Messiah [RABF12] Dune And Out In Beverly Hills [RABF12] Dune Where's My Car? [DABF04] Dying for Dummies [MABF18] ein + 1 = 0 [1F07] Early American History [PABF09] Easycook with Paula Paul [LABF16] Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert [2F15] Ecosystem of the Marsh by Thompson [MABF04] Encyclopedia [MABF18] Encyclopedia of Baseball [NABF02], [NABF21] Encyclopedia of Explosives [RABF02] The End Is Near: 50th Anniversary Edition [9F14] English [NABF22] Epic Fail [MABF18] Equations [NABF22] Evil Woman by E.L.O. Doctorow [NABF22] Exit Interview With The Vampire [MABF18] F=MA [8F17] Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury [seen burning in the fireplace] [JABF17] Fanatic Five [LABF15] Farmland [8F07], [8F17] Fatherhood by Bill Cosby [RABF08] Fifty Shades of Grey [9F04] Find Waldo Yet Again [NABF22] Finnegan's Wake and Zombies [KABF07] The Firm by John Grisham [HABF07] Flanders-English English-Flanders Dictionary [PABF16] Fold Yourself Rich [7F04] Forgotten Lore Vol. II [JABF17] The Formidable Mulk [2F19] Forty Years of Playboy by Hugh Hefner [LABF09] The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand Lisa: Isn't that the Bible of right wing losers? [8F18] The Fountainhead Diet [NABF09] Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger [LABF20] French/English Dictionary [NABF22] Friday Night Bites [5F04] Fried Green Tomatoes [Manjula's favorite book, movie and food] [PABF11] From Heck by Alan Moore [JABF17] From Hell by Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell (Alan Moore guest starred on this episode!) [NABF03] From Hell by Alan Moore [NABF06] From Loser to User by Dr. Kissingher [NABF22] The Frying of Latke 49 by Thomas Pinchon [MABF18] The Game [7F18] Gee, Your Pecs Look Terrific [JABF04] Geaneology [sic] Research [HABF05] Genteel Ben's Guide to Etiquette (Spine: Common-Slob to Brahmin Snob: A Guide to Etiquette) [NABF15] Gentle Tales For Good Boys [1F07], [MABF04] Geography [JABF17] Ghost World by Daniel Clowes (who guest starred on this episode!) [NABF22] The Girl With The "How to Train Your Dragon" Tattoo [PABF22] The Girl Who Regretted Her Tattoo [NABF22] Give Me A 'V' [LABF10], [LABF13] Go, Dog, Go! by P. D. Eastman [EABF19] Goldilocks and the Three Bears [MABF02] Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell [HABF20] Good Grief, More Peanuts by Charles M. Schultz [3F01] Good News Bible [LABF15] Good Night, Gorilla [BABF17] Goodnight Moon [NABF22] The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman [DABF15] Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon [5F21] Greatest Living Inventor, Thomas Edison [5F03] Greatest Sports Injuries [BABF21] Grimm's Fairy Tales [RABF05] The Grinch Who Celebrated Hanukkah [9F05] Guide to Infantile Distress, by Dr. Washburn's Asbestos Pills [BABF05] Guinness Book of World Records [DABF08], [LABF09] Hamlet by William Shakespeare [2F32] Happiness is a Naked Steve Allen [NABF18] The Hardy Borgs: Love Among the Asteroids [KABF08] The Hardy Boys: The Mystery of the Odd-Shaped Rock [FABF05] The Harpooned Heart by Marge Simpson [MABF03] The Harpooned Heart by Marge Simpson [FABF05] The Harpooned Heart II: The Thunder Down Under by Marge Simpson [not published] [KABF09] Harry Potter [3F01] Hebrew National Bible [MABF08] Helter Skelter [LABF09] Henry IV Part One by William Shakespeare [LABF09] Henry IV Part Two by William Shakespeare [LABF09] Henry V by William Shakespeare [BABF17] Henry Potter [MABF15] Hey Marge, What Are You Reading? By Homer Simpson [FABF05] Hickory, Dickery, Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [EABF18] Hippie-English Dictionary [8F24], [LABF17], [MABF04], [MABF17] History [JABF14] Box of 1950s History Books (Too Racist) in Springfield Elementary School ventilation ducts [JABF14] Box of 1990s History Books (Not Racist Enough) in Springfield Elementary School ventilation ducts [NABF11] The History of Cobwebs [NABF22] The Hitchhiker's Guide to the L.A. Galaxy [PABF03] Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut [RABF14] Hodor's Iceland Travel Guide [CABF14] Homer, I hardly knew me by Homer Simpson [2F19], [BABF22] Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss [Theodor Geisel Seuss] [RABF05] How Do Dinosaurs Get Divorced? [NABF22] How I Became a Famous Novelist by Steve Hely [8F07] How To (fourteen volumes on shelf in Homer's garage) [7F04] How to Cook for Forty Humans [9F16] How to Get Rich Writing Cartoons by John Swartzwelder [DABF10] How to Loot Brazil [2F32] How to Make Love to Steve Allen by Steve Allen [2F07] How to Seduce Your Lousy, Lazy Husband [FABF14] How to Talk to a Drunk Father [5F12] How to Tunnel out of Prison [4F07], [HABF20] The How, Why, and Huh? Book of Weather [CABF06] Huckleberry Finn [FABF05] To Hug a Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [MABF07] The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar [GABF19] Hymnal [MABF03] I Am Spock by Leonard Nimoy [RABF01] I, Bully Written by Nelson Muntz [1F11] I Didn't Do it: the Bart Simpson Story [FABF05], [HABF20] I, Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [EABF14] I, Suds [MABF03] I Was Right But I'm A Jerk by Jose Canseco [7G02] Iliad by Homer [7G02] Dante's Inferno [5F11] Internet for Dummies [RABF12] Introduction to Rests [music rest notation on cover] [MABF06] The Inventions of Thomas Jefferson [9F15] It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Blurst of Times [9F03] Itchy & Scratchy: the Movie The Novel [9F05], [MABF09] Ivanhoe [DABF12] Jack and Jill [RABF08] Jazz J to Z [RABF17] The Jesus and Mary Train [8F05] Jewishness Revisited [9F18], [CABF06] Johnny Tremain [in 9F18 Bart also suggests Johnny Deformed] [MABF03] The Jokes We Stolen [sic] by Krusty the Clown [3F24] Jonathan Livingston Seagull [MABF06] The Journal of Milford Van Houten [2F32] Journey to the Center of Steve Allen by Steve Allen ("of" missing from cover) [BABF17] The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan [PABF17] The Joy of 666 [2F03] [THOH V] The Joy of Cooking Milhouse [2F32] The Joy of Cooking Steve Allen by Steve Allen [KABF06] The Joy of Sax [NABF03] The Joy of the Status Quo [MABF18] Just Physics [2F07], [AABF11] Kama Sutra [HABF20] The Kansas City Royals Forever Champions [NABF22] Kevin Has Two Archmages [RABF05] Kevin James and the Giant Peach [FABF05], [LABF01] To Kill a Mockingbird [NABF22] To Kill a Mockingly [LABF09] King Lear by William Shakespeare [PABF16] King of Queens and Full House - Not the crappy TV show [FABF05] To Kiss A Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [JABF09] Kiss the Girls by James Patterson [2F07] Kosher Erotic Cakes [GABF16] The Land of the Wild Beasts by Milton Burkhart [RABF06] Last To The Party [EABF06] The Law [EABF14] Law [MABF14] Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman Lisa reads beginning of "The World Below the Brine" [RABF14] Let's Go Get Revenge... Iceland [EABF13] Let's Go Home [KABF05] Let's Not Go London [HABF22] Life Beyond Wife by Professor Stein [PABF17] Life in Hell [HABF14] Life in these 38 States [7G02] Life of Leonardo [7F22] Like Hell I Can't [LABF06], [PABF01] Little Women [GABF08] Loony Laws, Silly Statutes and Wacky War Crimes [FABF13] Lose Your Accent in Thirty Years [JABF17] Lost Girls by Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie (Alan Moore guest starred in this episode!) [8F17] The Lottery by Shirley Jackson [1F17] Love in the Time of Scurvy [DABF20] Love in the Time of Coloring Books [MABF06] Mabel's Table: A Cookbook Recipes by Mabel Simpson [LABF09] Macbeth by William Shakespeare [RABF05] The Magic School Bus - Otto's Trip [NABF22] The Magician King [2F07] Mapplethorpe [JABF06] Man and Superman by G. B. Shaw [HABF16] Married Alive! A Wife-Saving Guide [NABF22] Mars Needs Abusive Stepdads [9F12] MASH Coloring Book [GABF17] Master of the Senate by Robert A. Cairo [8F24], [9F14], [1F07], [3F14], [GABF09], [JABF12], [KABF06], [MABF01], [MABF04], [MABF17], [RABF09] Math [MABF18] MATH and the numbers of baseball [GABF05] Math Safari [JABF17] Maus by Art Spiegelman (who guest starred on this episode!) [9F10] MCAT The Monorail Conductors Aptitude Test [EABF10] Megatronics: The 48 Tips to Corporate Success by Stark Richdale [JABF05] Mein Kampf [PABF10] Merv [2F07] Michener "Today's Special: Michener $1.99/Lb." [JABF09] Miro [2F07] [Audio] Mr. and Mrs. Erotic American by Paul Harvey [7G02], [7F03] Moby Dick [BABF17] Moby Dick for Dummies [MABF18] Moneyball [NABF17] Mornings on Horseback by David McCullough [FABF07] The Mounds Builders [FABF05] Murder M... Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [JABF11] The Murderer Did It: A Lenny Leonard Mystery [JABF17] Mutant [NABF22] My Brother Sam is Dead 2: Sam's Revenge [CABF09] My Core Beliefs by Mike Farrell [NABF22] My Orthodontist is A Werewolf! [FABF05] My Side of the Mountain [NABF22] My Standup Act in Bookform by Jerry Seinfeld [DABF19] My Troubled Mind By Moe Szyslak [1F14] My Friend Flicka [7G02] Nana by Emily Zola [JABF04] Nagging Your Way To Ecstasy [RABF08] Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Declining Book Sales [RABF01] Nate Silver Can't Add [DABF01] Necronomicon [BABF17] Network Programming for Dummies [NABF22] Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman [3F11] The New Our Caddies, Ourselves  A Book By and For Golfers [NABF09] Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger [RABF05] Noisy Dinner [KABF07] Normal Childhood Behavior [NABF22] Nosferateen [NABF22] Nursing Home Gnome [NABF22] Nursing Home Gnome Goes to Nome [JABF17] Octo [7G02] Oddessy [sic] by Homer [7F03] The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway [FABF05] Olympic Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [NABF22] Once Upon a Toadstool [MABF15] One Soldier's Story: A Memoir - by Bob Dole (referenced by Homer) [NABF14] One Thousand and One Vulgar Marching Band Formations [2F02] Only Turkeys Have Left Wings [HABF14] The Origin of Species [LABF09] Othello by William Shakespeare [RABF12] Out Of Ideas [GABF16] Overcome Childhood Fears: A Ten-Week Program [1F05] Owning Your Okayness [7G02] Paradise Lost [LABF06] pat the bunny [KABF04] A People's History of the United States 1492 - Present by Howard Zinn [JABF07] Pat Summerall's Smut Yuks [NABF22] Pep Rally of the Damned [NABF22] Percy Sledge and the Olympics [PABF06] Peter Pan [GABF22] Peterson Field Guides: Birds [MABF04] Physician's Desk Reference [3F22] Pippi in the South Seas [7F04] The Pit and the Pendulum [7G02] Plato [MABF20] The Poems of Emily Dickinson [NABF22] Polyamorous Android [NABF22] Porpoise Driven [RABF01] Postcards From The Hedge by Groundkeeper Willie [MABF03] The Power of Maybe (by) Rev. Timothy Lovejoy [EABF16] The Pre-Teen Braves Handbook: Foreword by Larry Storch [PABF17] Pride and Pentagrams [3F01] Psalms [KABF06] Public School Punishment Guidelines [7F04] The Purloined Letter [NABF22] Push 'Em Back, Push 'Em Back, Waaay Dead! [7G02] Pushkin [7G02] Quantum Mechanics [NABF09] Raise High the Roof Beam by J.D. Salinger [GABF14] Rapture for Dummies [2F07] Rational Thinking. Reasonable Future by Al Gore [FABF12] Recipes to Think About in Bed [We also appear to see the back of this book duing the closing] [JABF17] Red Bow [MABF07] Red Moon [DABF02] Religionhood by Paul Reiser [3F22] Retrospecticus (Springfield Elementary Yearbook) [FABF05] Return to Scoundrel Island by Esme Delacroix [RABF07] Rhyming Dictionary Edited by June Moon, PhD [LABF09] Richard III by William Shakespeare [DABF03] Rick James' Bible [HABF19] The Right Stuff [MABF22] The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich [JABF17] Robot Tank [NABF22] Rocket Sled to Terabithia [EABF02] Romeo and Juliet [FABF06] Ron Santo: A Life At Third Base [PABF22], [RABF04] rub the rabbit [MABF18] SABRMetrics by Bill James [JABF09] Sad Libs [MABF12] Sally Circle in Rectangu-Land  A Care and Share Book [3F01] Samaritan Pentateuch [2F07] Sane Planning, Sensible Tomorrow by Al Gore [2F19] The Satanic Verses by Salmon Rushdie [NABF22] School Spirits [MABF18] Schrödinger's Bat [1F07], [MABF04], [MABF17] Science [5F23] Science for Leader Lovers [FABF05] Scoundrel Comes Calling by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] Scoundrel Goes West by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] A Scoundrel in Araby by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] Scoundrel in Scarlet by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] Scoundrel is Rich by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] Scoundrel Redo by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] Scoundrel Redux by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] El Scoundrelo by Esme Delacroix [FABF05] Scoundrel vs. Hitler by Esme Delacroix [NABF11] The History of Cobwebs [FABF05] The Secret of The Milk Can Escape Presented to Harvey Raymondo by Harry Houdini [2F09] Secret World History (Stonecutters publication) [KABF07] Sell Your Junk on eBay [FABF05] Senator Scoundrel by Esme Delacroix [3F31] Sex, by Krusty the Clown [2F19] Sexus by Henry Miller [7G02] Shakespeare I-XV [JABF17] [The?] Shooting Star [EABF06] The Shore Birds of Maryland [8F05] Shulhan Aruch [LABF01] Simply Unevictable: A Tenant's Guide [HABF07] Simpsons-English English-Simpsons Dictionary [JABF17] The Simpsons pop-up book (couch gag, repeated for episode [KABF11] [NABF16], [PABF06] Simpsons World [NABF22] Sit Stay Love by Rufus [NABF22] Slaker Girls [MABF03] The Slumdog Millionnaire Cookbook [HABF20] Smiles of Ireland [5F21] Smugglers of Pirate's Cove [Hardy Boys] [NABF22] Snow Vampire by Shaun White [RABF09] Social Studies [MABF18] Society of American Baseball Research [BABF17] Someone's in the Kitchen With Jesus by Rev. Tim Lovejoy [PABF04] Somewhat Gorey Stories [3F01] Song of Solomon [JABF17] Spacer [MABF04] Spelling [RABF05] Spot The Hidden Objects Volume 1 [JABF04] Springfield Family Heritage [9F16] Springfield High School 1974 Yearbook [2F13] Springfield Telephone Directory [PABF08] Springfield Yellow Pages "The Internet For Old People" [EABF11] Star Searcher by Ed McMahon [NABF22] Stardust by Neil Gaiman [MABF18] Stats [2F19], [3F06] Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman [2F09] Stone Cutters Secret World History [HABF04] Stuart Little [NABF03] Sudoko Number Ideas [JABF17] Super Bat [NABF05] The Super Fan's Unofficial Guide to Thicker Than Waters Foreword by J. D. Salinger [HABF19] Superhounds: The ultimate greyhound betting system [NABF22] The Sword Near the Stone [PABF10] Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin [MABF11] Tales of Sherlock Holmes Smarter Sister [LABF15] Tall Ships [8F05] Talmud [2F07] Tanks of the Third Reich [7F08] Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu [MABF03] Teach Yourself Spanish A Teach Yourself Book [LABF15] Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin [2F19] Tek War by William Shatner [LABF09] The Tempest by William Shakespeare [2F20] Ten Trite Tales by Agatha Christie [7F04] The Tell Tale Heart [FABF11] The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals by Snake [NABF17] Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris [2F19] Theory of Evolution by Charles Darwin [NABF22] There's A Rainbow in my Basement by Moe Szyslak [FABF19], [MABF04] Thesaurus [FABF21] They Promised Me Ponies by Lisa Simpson (Lisa's unfinished novel) [FABF19] Thin By Third Grade [5F21] Thomas Edison Pop-up Book [3F01] The Thump Resistant Bible [JABF17] Thung "Look Who's Doing The Super-Thung Shuffle" [NABF22] Time For Dead [HABF20] The Time Life Carpenter's Library Vol. 1  The Basics Vol. 2  Working with Wood Vol. 3  Cabinets and Cupboards Vol. 4  Tables and Chairs Vol. 5  Decking and Roofing Vol. 6  Finish Carpentry Vol. 7  Floorboards and Nightstands Vol. 8  More Projects [PABF03] Time Quake [Should be Timequake] by Kurt Vonnegut [JABF17] Tin Tin in America [JABF17] Tin Tin in the Land of the Soviets [LABF09] Titus Andronicus by William Shakespeare [3F01] Todays Family Gnostic Bible [3F22] Tome: A Novel By Gore Vidal [LABF20] Torah [JABF04] Tracing Family History [7F03] Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson [DABF19] Treehouse of Horror XIII [used in opening!] [EABF02] Trenches [BABF22] Trinity by Leon Uris [NABF22] Tru Blood (man drinking a blood cocktail on cover) [9F18] The Truth About Whacking Day by Bob Woodward [GABF14] tuesdays with Morrie In Hell [NABF22] The Twin Trolls of Underbridge Academy [FABF10] The Two Noble Kinsmen by William Shakespeare [2F07] Ueberroth (biography of Peter Uebberoth) [JABF17] UFO [RABF05] The Ugly Duckling Gets A Beak Job [JABF17] Ultra [LABF11] Ulysses by James Joyce [NABF01] Under The Dome by Stephen King [MABF05] Unicorns and Me By Lisa Simpson [2F07] Unidentified Flying Outrage! [KABF13] U.S. Coins  Homer: This is the first book I ever finished reading or pushing things into. [7F22] Unsinkable Sadruddin Mabaradad [DABF03] Up Center [Tom Clancy's Up Center] [best book Moe has ever seen] [7F22] Up from the Muck [1F12] Valley of the Dolls [NABF22] The Vamp That Rocks the Cradle [NABF22] Vampire Umpire [HABF20] Veterans' Day Parades [8F05] Views on Jews [KABF14] Visit Peru [3F01], [JABF04] The Vulgate of St. Jerome [PABF16] The Wander Years: A Guide To Finding the Walking Dad [EABF21] Watch Repair [1F20] Webster's Dictionary Homer: Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as, "The process of removing weeds from one's garden." [2F07] Weight Loss Through Laborious Sex [PABF07] What to Expect When You're Ejected [NABF22] What to Expectorate When You're Expectorating [FABF15] When Bad Things Happen to Cute Children by a rabbi that surfs [FABF08] When Daddy Does Hard Time [BABF19] Where Are My Residuals? by Lisa Simpson [FABF05] Whither My Scoundrel? by Esme Delacroix [PABF10] Whitman [GABF09] Who Made That Barrel? You Did! (about Coopers) [FABF05] Who Really Killed J.F.K. by Homer and Marge Simpson [DABF10] Who wants to be a Brazilionaire? [5F22] Who's Who among American Elementary School Students [LABF19] Wifey by Judy Blume [NABF22] Wild West Round Up [7F22] Will There Ever be a Rainbow?, by C.M. Burns [RABF05] The Wind And The William Defoe [AABF03] The Wind in the Willows [HABF20] Wisconsin From Above [NABF22] The Wisconsin Wizard Chronicles [RABF01] Women (At Republican Party Headquarters "binders full of women") [GABF08] Woodrow Wilson, Man of Peace [EABF19] World's Easiest Crossword Puzzles [NABF22] The Wrinkles of Elfinshire [NABF22] The Wrinkles of Elfinshire 2: Blood Rage [EABF02] WW I [KABF13] Yellow Pages [1F04] Yes I am a Vampire, by Monty Burns [NABF22] You Are So Not Invited To My Wiccan Naming Ceremony [NABF22] You Know You're A Redneck Vampire When... [3F02] Your Gimmicky Restaurant by Bennigan and Fuddrucker [BABF17] Your Shoes' Too Big To Kickbox God by Krusty the Klown [Ghostwritten by John Updike] [RABF05] "You're Tired" by Donald Trump [FABF06] Yu-Gi-Oh! Price Guides [DABF02] Zagat's Guide to World Religions [JABF17] Zoid Zilla Magazines, Journals and Catalogs -- I can't believe you listened to this magazine. It's a Larry Flynt publication - Lisa [JABF13] -- I got this phone for subscribing to Psychic Monthly. And then I cancelled the subscription.    They never saw it coming! - The Great Raymondo [NABF11 ] [9F11] 101 Frozen Pops - Springfield Sperm Bank - Monthly Edition [HABF18] 3D [3F08], [3F22], [RABF06], American Breast Enthusiast [3F08] $3.50 (disproportionate woman on cover) [3F22] $3.50 (disproportionate woman on cover) [HABF19] American Poetry Perspectives [HABF13] Amnesia Monthly: Tips on Finding Your Way Home [LABF01] Anxious Mother (Part of new HD Show Opening) One on shelf and one Marge is holding with Absolut Krusty ad on back [LABF05] Ape (read by Homer King Kong fades to Homer reading People.) [AABF15] Art in America [NABF14] The Atlantic [MABF05] The Atlantic - Monthly Kids' Edition (Obama on cover) [NABF02] Audubon Magazine [3F18] Auto-Gyro Enthusiast [1F17], [EABF08] Bad Boy's Life [8F05] Ballpoint Pen Digest "History of the Ballpoint Pen", "Free Pen Offer", "Evaluating Inks" [8F05] Ballooning Monthly "Balloon Races", "How to Fly Higher Without Losing Consciousness" [SIC], "Using a North-West Breeze to Your Advantage", "Baskets", "Customized Balloon Ideas!" [8F08] Bar and Stool Magazine "Through the Roof!" [Moe, arms crossed, in front of a Flaming Homer on the bar] [RABF05] Barely Beagle (title is parody of Barely Legal, i.e., teen porn) [KABF20] Barely Regal Magazine "Prince Olaf of Norway" (title is parody of Barely Legal, i.e., teen porn) [EABF22] BARTFORUM [HABF18] Baseball [2F21] Bear Baiter Magazine $4.95 (Man disguised as steak taunting a bear) [3G01] Better Homes than Yours [KABF04] Big & Tall Halloween Costumes Catalog [AABF17] Billionaire Beat [HABF18] Blowin' (Jazz magazine, Bart on cover) [DABF10] Blue Pants Weekly [7G07] the Bowl Earth Catalog [5F15] Braille Weekly [3F20] Building With Wood [FABF18] Burns Weekly "It's Too Late" [NABF18] [Future] Business Week: Cannibalism: The New Gold? (We see man tied up cooking in a large pot) [MABF11] Calm Issue 7 May [JABF14] Cars [4F16] Cartoons [3F20] Cat Fancier Magazine "Award-Winning Cinnamon" [GABF19] Cat Fancy [3F08], [RABF06] Cheek Week [3F08] $3.75 - Cover has thong babe facing away from us, of course... [FABF21] Chestwear Monthly: Public Cottons to Simpson's Shirts - Pocket-T's At A Crossroads (Bart holding up a green T-Shirt Stop World Hunger, Eat My Shorts!) [DABF01] Cigarette Aficionado [HABF18] City [RABF06] Clench - September - 35 cents [2F21] Cliff Biker #9 $4.95 "The Art of Falling" (Biker descending an almost verticle wall) [BABF19] Coin Laundry News [5F14], [KABF21] Collier's Magazine [KABF21] December 1943 issue featured Montgomery Burns [MABF11] Comfortable Magazine [HABF18] Concert Hall [GABF08] Concert Hall Weekly So Good It's Gehry [GABF08] Confirmed Bachelor Magazine (Man ironing on front) [8F05] Cooking with Coconut Magazine "Recipes for the Holidays", "10 Easy Tips for Growing Your Own Tree" [8F15], [3F10] Cracked Magazine [NABF09] Crawdaddy [NABF09] Crawdaddy! The magazine of rock [8F15] Crazy [RABF06] Currents in Modern Fractions [2F21] Danger Liker "Minefields: Playground for the '90s" (Someone on a pogo stick in a minefield) [RABF14] Deep End (inground pool on cover) [BABF02] Details [NABF21] Dog Fancy - March "Snoopy's Sad Last Days" "What Your Dog's Doo Says About You" [JABF14] Dogs [5F02] D'OH! [LABF01] Donut Fancy (Part of new HD Show Opening) [HABF18] Dream Denied Magazine "Downbeat Simpson" (featuring a dejected Lisa on the cover) [RABF03] Dump Fancy Magazine Springfield City Dump "America's Bleakest Dump" [PABF20] dwell 'Burb Refurb - Design Your Own LEED-Certified Crypt [FABF14] The Economist - Indonesia's Gambit [MABF03] The Economist - New challenges for Indonesia [MABF03] The Economist - Special Report on the Ural Mountains [2F31], [3F20] [Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman] Entertainment Weekly [EABF08], [MABF03] Envy [KABF18], [NABF09] Esquire [KABF18] Women We Love [NABF09] Woman in Love [8F22] Eternity Magazine [FABF12] Eyeballs (fan magazine in CBG's store) [8F05] Faberge Egg Owner [JABF09] Family Psychiatry [NABF21] Fancy Robot-Dog Fancy - June "Is Your Pet's Bark Worse Than His Byte?" "We're Not A Real Magazine" [FABF15] Fantastic Floor Annual Hardwood Issue 12 cents [PABF17] Fantasy Foreshadowing "The Boy Who Went Back to 1974" [FABF19] First-Born Twin Magazine [8F10] Fission Illustrated [7G02] Feeble [part of original show opening] [8F23] Forbes [JABF17] Fortunate Magazine "GYM CLA$$" Marge on cover [9F08] Fretful Mother Magazine "Inside: Why Baby Can't Read" [9F08] Fretful Mother Magazine "Inside: Is Your Baby Too Cute" [3F20] GALS [2F12] Gigantic Asses No. 74 June 1995 [4F22], [NABF09] Glamour [4F22] read by receptionist at MAD Magazine [2F21] Glass Eater #4 $4.95 US Wine Bottles Our Ten Favorite Vintages (cover has someone eating a wine bottle) [3F20] Golf Novice [4F09] Good Housekeeping [NABF20] Gourmez Summer 2011 The Magazine of Good Food (Lisa on cover eating a carrot) [GABF19], [HABF18], [PABF01] GQ [3F08], [RABF06], Granny Fanny [3F08] $3.50 "Pearly Gates" [GABF03] Gravy Aficionado "The New Browns Are In" [LABF18] Green [NABF08] Guns & Blammo (Gun and bullets on cover) [MABF11] Harmless World (old man examining a postage stamp on cover) [FABF22] Harper's Magazine [JABF09] Health Psychology [RABF06] Heave - 35 cents [LABF18] Hemp [RABF05] Highlights [NABF09] High Times Magazine [GABF19] Hip Punishments [MG36] Home Magazine [HABF13] Homemaker Magazine [JABF06] Homer [5F02] Hook [HABF18], [JABF14] House [MABF15] Hullo! Number 15 Autumn 85p Simon Cowell With Creature From 'Pan's Labyrinth' (i.e., Moe) [5F02] ICE [8F07] Idle Chatter [where inside we hear read..] "Test Your F.Q. - Fatherhood Quotient" [RABF14] inGround Weekly (inground pool on cover) [HABF16] The Inquisitor "Krusty's Sad Last Days" [NABF09] InStyle "MEG At Home" "Great Looks" [JABF09] Intuition [HABF18] Jazz [HABF18] Jazz Jam [1F03] Jet [NABF22] Jet Ski Wanter (Man imagining himself on a jet ski on the cover) [7F14] Journal of Canine Obedience [AABF11] Jugs [EABF01] Jugs & Ammo "A Larry Flintlock Publication" [3G01], [3G04] Junior Skeptic Magazine [FABF12] Krusty (fan magazine in CBG's store) [JABF19] Laffways Magazine: Krusty on cover "Worst of 2007" Worse than Scuzzo, Scummo, Oopsie, Carlos Mencia, Stinko, Blumpie,..even worse than Sergent Serious! [JABF05] Liberty [GABF01], [JABF05], [PABF04] Life [GABF01] "Bloodbath in Laos" (one soldier with knife, two with rifles) [PABF04] "Computers Are Smaller Than Ever" [5F02] Lifer [MG on cover] [3F17], [JABF05], [LABF20] Look [4F04] Lotto Picks Weekly [8F15], [1F22], [3F10], [4F22] MAD Magazine [4F22] Bart visits their office in New York [CABF12] We see the MAD magazine office tower [which does not in reality exist] blown up [EABF05] Mad-Libs [4F22] Mademoiselle [PABF12] Magazine Hater "Is Mila Kunis America's Sexiest Magazine Hater?" (shows half dressed woman discarding magazines) [RABF07] Magazine Holder's Magazine - Issue No. 12 $6.95 The iPad Threat [5F04] Mail Order Brides Magazine [7F14] Men [BABF14] Meddling Today [DABF04] Mens World Magazine [FABF22] Men's Fatness "Bad Abs in Six Weeks!" [MABF11] Mild Manners [4F03] Millionaire Boxing [9F16], [1F03] Modern Bride Magazine [JABF22] Modern Couch Gag "10 Couch Gags To Spice Up Your Marriage" (OFF on couch on cover) (in opening couch gag) [8F05] Modern Jewish Father "Win A Trip to Israel" [9F06] Modern Principal 2.50 [NABF17], [RABF03] Modern Proctor [NABF17] "30 minutes left" on blackboard [RABF03] Faber vs. Ticonderoga: Which No. 2 is No. 1? [ed.- obviously Dixon Ticonderoga] [EABF08] Modern Sandcastle [7G02] Mom Monthly [part of original show opening] [3F21] Mondo Frowno [FABF12] Monsters (fan magazine in CBG's store) [GABF08] Montgomery Warden [2F21] Mosh Pitter Magazine No. 2 $3.95 US (cover shows someone doing a flying leap into the crowd) [JABF14] Motel [7F12] Ms. Magazine [7F10], [HABF18] Music [2F16] My Weekly Reader [MABF11] Nap Fancy [7G09] National Informer [AABF12] New Ager [8F23] New Republic for Kids [5F02] News [HABF08] Newsfake (fake souvenir magazines) Man of the Year (Lenny is pictured) [7G02] Newsly [part of original show opening] [3F01], [3F22], [BABF05], [JABF05], [NABF13] Newsweek [7G12], [LABF17] Newsweekly [LABF17] "A History of Genocide" [7G13] Newsweeque [PABF20] New York Review of Aps [MABF19] New York Review of Mooks (Marlo Brando as the Godfather on the cover) [HABF05] New York Review of Mops [4F16], [MABF12] New Yorker (MABF12 with Eustace Tilley cover) [3F01] Nice [on I&S] [7F14], [8F11], [9F12], [2F33] Non-Threatening Boys Magazine [9F12] "Timmy Tim and His Grandma"  "Meet Joey Joe" [MABF11] NOT MAD Magazine [MOVIE1] Oatmeal Enthusiast [NABF09] Obsessive Bride [PABF21] Out & About New York (parody of Time Out New York) "Manhattan Clam Chowder: Is there any other kind?" (Flatiron building on cover) [BABF05] Outlaw Biker [EABF03] Overpass Monthly [4F20], [AABF18], [BABF19], [GABF15], [HABF21] Parade [GABF15] Ned: That's one of my figurines! He scampered out of Parade magazine and into my nick-nack nook.. [HABF21] What People Earn [EABF07] The Paris Review [3F08] PC World Magazine [EABF13] Peace Pipe Aficionado "What Your End Feather Says About You" [8F07] the Peephole [LABF01], [MABF08], [NABF06] Peephole [LABF01] (Part of new HD Show Opening) [MABF08] Snake reading in prison, with Rainier Wolfcastle on cover [NABF06] "Jessica Simpson's Incredible News!" "And Other Meaningless Articles" Lisa: Let's see what cousin Jessica is up to. [AABF14], [AABF23], [FABF01], [HABF18], [LABF05] People [AABF14] People magazine given to Eve in the Garden of Eden [AABF23] Marge: People magazine says he's (Mel Gibson) a devoted father, goes to church every week, and likes to fix things around the (home) [FABF01] Krusty is a clue in the crossword puzzle - Unfunny Clown [LABF05] Ape read by Homer King Kong fades to Homer reading People [DABF05] Pie Times [3F20] Plane Disasters [NABF18] [Future] Planety Fair [8F18], [9F22], [AABF12], [BABF03] [Octopia] Playbill [DABF22] Playboy [7G07], [7F02], [9F01], [9F12], [3G03], [DABF07], [DABF11], [EABF04], [FABF18], [FABF20], [GABF15], [HABF01], [HABF10], [JABF16], [PABF18], [RABF05], [RABF08], [RABF17] Playdude [9F01] July 1966 Don't Laugh - It's a car from Japan (we also see eight other issues) [9F12] July 1966 [FABF18] Moe reading Playdude hidden inside a hymnal at church [FABF20] Bart finds 8 Playdudes hidden away by Homer [and decides to imitate it's lifestyle] [JABF16] May 1966 Inside: Topless Chicks! (Girl in bikini on the beach) [RABF08] 12 issues in The Elegant Scoundrel [RABF17] Being read by cartoon loser husband video on sassymadison.com [HABF03] Playbooth [3F10] Poot [NABF21] Popular Robotics (with Bender on the cover) [KABF04] Popular Science [7F10] Popular Secretary Magazine [FABF23] Premiere Magazine [2F08] Principal's World Magazine (Principal Skinner on the cover) [CABF10] Prison Bride [JABF09] Psychiatric Quarterly Volume 1 Number 1 Published by the American Psychiatric Association [NABF11] Psychic Monthly [8F21] Psycho Magazine [3F10] Punch [2F11] Ranger Rick [Deleted Scene] [8F01] Reading Digest Can We Trust Bermuda? Quotable Notables They Call Me Dr. Soybean Seven Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage Reading Digest "Patriots of Tomorrow" Essay Contest How to Increase Your Word Power [MABF06] Reader's Digest Bicentennial Issue: CB Versus 8-Track: Our Reader's Weigh In - Page 80 Rodney Allen Rippy: The new Sidney Poitier? 25 The Dolphin That Saved Our Marriage The Plot of "The Sting" Explained by Dick Cavett Helen Reddy's Favorite Fondues Flint, Michigan: City of Tomorrow Page 55 [3F20] Really Low Rider "How Low?" [1F04], [BABF02], [KABF04] Redbook [NABF21] Robot Fancy - August - "C3PO: Single and Loving It" "A Weekend in Phoenix with Optimus Prime" [3F20] Rock Climbers [2F21] Rock Jumper Magazine #3 $2.95 US "The Magazine For People Who Like to Jump From Rock to Rock" [BABF19] Rolling Stone [RABF05] Rustler (title is parody of Hustler) [MABF18] Scientific American [LABF01] Scientific Canadian (Part of new HD Show Opening) [PABF08] Scientific Springfieldian "Black Smoke - Green Energy?" [FABF19] Second-Born Twin Magazine [BABF19] Short Hair Ideas [3F10] Sick [FABF12] Skull (fan magazine in CBG's store) [MABF10] Sky Mall 1-800-SkyMall FREE COPY [5F02] Skywriter [3F10] Sniff [JABF13] Smothering Mother Magazine Are Bees Building Hives in your Diaper Genie? The Deadly Truth about Oxygen Is Your Baby a Suckaholic? [LABF18] Smug [FABF06] Snuffbox Magazine: Fops Drop To Mozart Flop [LABF18] Solar [2F21] Sponge and Vacuum $3.95 US "Preview of the '96 sponges" [JABF05] Sport [7F14] Sports [MABF14] Springfield Geographic "At Death's Shore" (photo of beached whale) [JABF06] The Springfield Inquisitor "Friends Pray for Luigi's Death" [JABF06] The Springfield Inquisitor "Mr. Teeny's Cocaine Orgy" [PABF03] Springfield High School [Yearbook] 1974 [9F09] The Springfield Journal of Cardiology [8F16], [NABF10], [PABF13] Springfield Magazine [PABF13] SNPP and hot air balloons on cover [7G12] Springfield Review of Books [8F19], [RABF11] Springfield Variety Magazine [RABF11] Variety Sells One Copy This Week [7G09] Springfield Weekly [DABF20] Spy Magazine [RABF06] Squat - November 1955 - 35 cents [5F20] Success Magazine [JABF17] Successful Magazine "Gym Dandy" Marge on cover [HABF18] The Sugar Sheet "We ask Bart the questions "Blowin'" wouldn't or couldn't!" (Bart on cover) [FABF12] Spiderman (fan magazine in CBG's store) [4F23], [RABF06] Swank [2F13] Swimsuit Issue [KABF14] Tales of the Kwik-E-Mart "Prices That Will Gouge Your Eyes Out" [7F14] Teen Dream [DABF22] Teen Modern Maturity [7F14] [Martin Sheen's] Teen Scene [7F14] Teen Scheme [7F14] Teen Scream [7F14] Teen Spleen [7F14] Teen Steam [FABF17] Temporarily Deaf Weekly [girl in bikini with an ear horn on cover] [RABF06] Thighs - January Issue 35 cents [RABF06] Thrust - 15 cents [NABF05] Tiger Beat [7F12], [9F06], [1F13], [1F15], [3F07], [3F09], [CABF13], [DABF04], [EABF04], [JABF05] Time [CABF13] Maggie swallows a Time magazine whole [7G12], [8F08] Timely [8F08] "One Moe for the Road" [Moe in front of a Flaming Homer] [JABF16] Today [7G12] Today's Guns [4F12] Toon Beat Magazine [BABF04] Toon Times [on I&S] [JABF14] Town [DABF18] Trade Show Digest "Hausfrau Wows Dog-Chow Pow-Wow" [AABF08] Trout Fever [9F03], [9F08], [1F02], [1F15], [AABF15], [BABF19], [EABF21], [GABF07], [JABF06], [NABF05] TV Guide [9F03] Mr. T on Cover [9F08] David Hasselhoff on cover [EABF21] [THOH] We see the Homer/Marge/Bart/Maggie TV Guide covers [GABF07] "Why Alf Hates Victoria Principal" [JABF06] "Barbara Walters at 100" [NABF05] September 8th 1986 50 cents "Thicker Than Waters" UPC 002600 026968 69 [EABF04] Twilight Zone [3F20] UFO [MABF12] The UGLY Reader "Atilla the Hun" [CABF13] Unnecessaries - Inflight Catalog [9F21], [2F21], [4F17], [EABF04] US Magazine [EABF04] Matt Groening on cover [7F12], [3F09] US News and World Report [3F09] At Bush household: Public Enemy #1 (picture of President Clinton) [3F05] Utne Reader [2F17], [3F15], [FABF01] Variety [2F17] Milhouse Meltdown: Ankles Pic Flick Sick (photo of Milhouse) [FABF01] "Simpson A Smash", "Grammys, Emmys to Merge" [HABF02] Vogue [BABF05] Wasted Days [HABF18] Weekly [NABF06] Westways (AAA publication) [5F02] Wildlife [AABF20] Wired Magazine "Cybershorts: Virtually Wedgieproof" [5F22] Working Mother [MABF14] World Weekly News "Bat Boy Accurately Predicts Final Four" [GABF12] Yale Course Catalogue [FABF06] Yorker [with England's view of the world on the cover] Comics       Edna: We've had a great time together but we're too different.       CBG: I don't understand.      Edna: It's like I'm DC Comics and you're Marvel.       CBG: I understand completely.            -- "My Big Fat Geek Wedding" [FABF12] [2F17] There are 814 issues of Radioactive Man [9F21] Action Comics #1 [2F12] Action Comics #1 (Krusty burns it to light a cigarette) [PABF14] Action Comics #1 (We see CBG wipes his tears with an issue) [LABF13] Amazing Fantasy #15 12 cents (first Spiderman comic) [JABF17] Aquaman: Death of Aquaman by CC Comics [JABF06] Aquaman and Superman by D.C. Comics [PABF11] Archie [2F02] Archie Comics [MG36] BAD Comics [2F17] Batboy [2F17] Batchick [EABF21] Batman and Rhoda [CABF08] Biclops "That's For Making Me Cry!" [Biclops punches a football player] [2F17] Birdguy [CABF08] Bloodzilla [CABF08] Bongo [RABF10] Bongo (Bongo on cover) [LABF13] Captain America #260 35 cents [2F17] Captain Space [RABF10] Captain Tights [JABF17] Casper: Death of Caspar by Harry Comics [2F17] Cat Girl [3F31] Damnation #27 "Depart From Me, Ye Cursed" Matt Groening [FABF23] Daunting Deeds: Along Against the Dodo King [CABF08] The Death of Sad Sack [RABF10] Detection Comics No. 26 1938(?) Ten cents Cover is in style of 1936 Detective Comics) [2F17] DogKid [GABF09] Dr. Shapiro vs. Plaque-Ula [FABF15] Easy to Believe Tales [Jesus pictured with children] [EABF21] Evel Knievel Jumps the Jackson 5 [LABF13] Everyman No. 11 April [LABF13] Everyman No. 100 April [LABF13] Everyman No. 109 Jan "The Origin of... " [LABF13] Everyman No. 121 Dec "The Fattest Man Alive" [LABF13] Everyman No. 205 Nov. "A Legend is Born" [LABF13] Everyman No. 289 May "Dog Gone" [LABF13] Fallout Boy [2F17] The Fantastic Frog [LABF13] Flash (poster of comic on wall) [RABF10] The Formidable Mulk [RABF10] The Formidable Mulk "Is He Man...Or Is He...Mulk?! #1 June 12 cents [RABF10] The Good Shepherd "And his sidekick, The Fleecy Kid" 10 cents [FABF15] The Green Listener [2F17] The Human Bee [FABF12] I Do Comics "Oh no, sob! I married the high school principal!" [2F17] Iguana Girl [NABF03], [RABF10] Interesting Stories "Who Will Stop The Communist Block?" 27 Mar 12 cents CBG: Oh!! The first appearance of Radioactive Man! [LABF13] The Invincible Iron Man #1 Big Premiere Issue May [FABF12] Jimmy Olsen [3F31] Johnny Reb Comics - Matt Groening [2F17] Lava Lady [HABF13] Lil' Jesus 10 cents No. 146   (Lulu type character standing on bathtub water "But Mom, I'm trying to take a bath") [NABF03] Little Lola [PABF11] Little Lola [GABF09] Lives of the Saints Comics "I Forgive Thee - Now Die!" [FABF12] Lois Lane [2F17] Manboy [$5] [2F17] Mister Amazing [2F17] Mr. Hop [2F17] Mr. Smarty-pants! [2F17] Nick [with hole in chest] [HABF13] Old Testament 25 cents Oct 06 [HABF13] Pious 25 cents May 28 [LABF13] Plastic Man - DC May No. 23 10 cents "Feather for the Führer" [2F17] Power Person [2F17] Professor ... [2F17] Radiation Dude [7G02] Radioactive Man [9F16] Radioactive Man [2F08] Radioactive Man [2F17] Radioactive Man [3F18] Radioactive Man [FABF21] Radioactive Man [GABF05] Radioactive Man [JABF15] Radioactive Man [KABF02] Radioactive Man [PABF06] Radioactive Man [PABF14] Radioactive Man [PABF17] Radioactive Man [7F21] Radioactive Man #1 [1F06] Radioactive Man #8 [MABF04] Radioactive Man #8 Cover shows Radioactive Man's shock at seeing Fallout Boy drinking Duff [RABF10] Radioactive Man #8 [RABF10] Radioactive Man #86 "Meets Starland Vocal Band" 15 cents [CABF08] Radioactive Man #1000 [PABF11] Radioactive Man and Libby: The First Forest Defenders [PABF11] Radioactive Man Created a Hero [KABF13] Radioactive Man vs. Muhammed Ali [KABF13] Radioactive Man meets The Kansas City Royals [KABF13] Radioactive Man vs. Restless Leg Syndrome [PABF17] Radioactive Man with Libby No. 100 "The First Feminist Super Hero!" RM: "Is is True? Am I a.. Male Chauvanist Pig?" [PABF17] Radioactive Man with Muhammed Ali [NABF08], [RABF10], Radioactive Man Global Warming Issue (Radioactive Man tying smokestacks together on cover) [RABF10] Radioactive Man "In the Lair of Larceny Lass!" [FABF15] Richie Rich The Poor Little Rich Boy Incorporates in Delaware [JABF17] Robin: (Bart: Caveman Robin) [JABF17] Robin: (Bart: Black Robin) [JABF17] Robin: "Holy Trinity, Batman!" (Bart: Born again Robin) [2F17] Snake Kid [2F17] Star Dog [FABF15] Supergirl vs. the Glass Ceiling [Supergirl shown in boardroom] [JABF17] Superman: Death of Superman by CC Comics [EABF21] Superman vs. Patty Hearst [JABF17] Superman: World's Finest Comics (Superman with sign "Gotham or Bust") [PABF20] Tales From The Couch [RABF10] Thung "Look Who's Doing The Super-Thing Shuffle!" [2F17] Tree Man [3F31] True Murder Mysteries "Nooo!" Matt Groening [CABF08] Vampire Dinosaur [PABF10] Whitman [JABF17] Wolverine (Bart: Infamous Wolverine comics with pop-out claws)   Note: back of comic has Atari video game console advertisement [RABF10] Wombat - July #1 [2F17] Wonder Lady [LABF13] Wonder Woman "She's Back!" [PABF11] World's Best Comics "Not a Dream" [MG36] WORSE Comics [EABF21], [FABF02], [FABF12], [JABF15], [PABF14], [RABF10] Zebra Girl [JABF15] Zillionaire [EABF21], [JABF15], [RABF10] Zoidzilla Pamphlets & Brochures [7F11] So You're Going to Die [7F12] Springfield Nuclear Power Plant brochure [7F13] So You've Decided to Steal Cable [7F17] Discount Lion Safari brochure [7F20] It's Not Cool to Fry in Hell [7F20] Bible Babblers [8F10] So You've Ruined Your Life [9F11] Duff Gardens brochure [9F14] Is Your Spouse A Souse? (Drunk man holding a martini on cover) [2F13] Guide to Australia [3F05] Am I Disabled? [AABF08] Performance Tires [AABF16] "Yes on 217" Indian casinos [AABF20] Mega-Savings Vacations [AABF20] Air Japan's Safety Instructions [DABF05] So Your Life is Ruined [Smiley face with mouth wired shut] [DABF16] Screamapillar Care Tips [DABF16] Earn Big $$$ In TV Repair [EABF15] Springfield Aquarium [FABF08] What Would Jesus View? By Michael Medved [FABF10] A-1 Chimney Sweeps Formely Z-99 Chimney Sweeps Not Found in Yellow Pages [FABF17] Death Prick: A parent's guide to shots gone wrong [GABF01] Tavern and Restaurant Owners Convention [GABF09] Plop 'til You Drop (promoting having babies) [GABF18] Prof. Pigskin's Pro Ball Prognosticator [HABF04] Upward Bound: The toughest behavorial modification camp in Northwest Oregon [HABF11] Recruiting brochure for The Bounty: The British Navy: Lessy Scurvy, More Curvy (shows seafarer with two busy lasses at his sides) [JABF03] You Will Die In Sin [JABF12] Your Weird New Pet (snake on cover) [JABF13] Fire Safety [KABF02] Your Memory Bubble and You [LABF17] Smooches on the Beach [MABF05] National Curling Trials [MABF10] Israel & The Holy Land [MABF14] Alternate Energy Expo [NABF08] The Living Desert [NABF17] Springfield Forest [NABF17] Just Say 'Yes' To Saying 'No' To Saying 'Yes' To Drugs [PABF01] Rattler River Canyon "Not As Fun As The Picture" [PABF03] Springfield Colonial Village [PABF10] Springfield Municipal Voter's Guide Comprehensive Guide to all 63 Propositions "Including Non-Partisan Analyses by Lawyers for the Tobacco and Oil Industries" [PABF18] Shelbyville Fertility Clinic [RABF08] Springfield Tire Guide Manuals [LABF10] Teacher's Manual [NABF16] [SNPP] Plant Security Procedures Vol. 7 [NABF21] [SNPP] Nuclear Safety Procedures Vol. 1 [PABF10] A9000 Repair and Maintenance Manual [For robots at SNPP] [RABF10] Youth Court Manual - "Nolo Contendere" spelled out in alphabet blocks Reports [PABF10] Radiation Exposure Liability Analyses Springfield Radio    Radio Stations Radio Programs Other Radio References [9F07] As Homer is teetering off the cliff, he tunes his radio to the far right, bringing it safely back on the road. Radio Stations [8F05] KBBL AM approx. 1100 kHz Format: News-Talk Radio "K-babble, all talk 24 hours a day" [8F19] KUDD AM 570 Format: country "don't touch that knob, you got kudd on it" [8F21] KBBL FM 102.5 Format: apparently plays top 40 from the 1950's through the 1980's or 90's [HABF16] Broadcasting Isotopes baseball game [8F14] WKOMA Format: probably new age, easy listening, and adult contemporary "Coma, restful easy listening" [9F04] KZMB Format: mostly Zombie related sounds "All Zombie Radio" KZOG Radio 530 [2F32] KJAZZ AM Format: probably most forms of Jazz "152 Americans can't be wrong" 23 ft. broadcast range [3F21] KFSL FM 103 Format: Classic Rock- 70's Top 40 & AOR "Fossil 103, classic hits from Abba to Zeppelin" [DABF09] WOMB "...warm and safe radio, takes you back to the golden age of.." [DABF18] Radio Disney "You're listening to Radio Disney, the songs you love, rewritten for babies!" [FABF08] FM 95.3 Bart: ..and I'm happy to listen to FM 95.3 Home of Booner and the Ditz [GABF15] National Public Radio [HABF16] KBBL 970 AM Broadcasting Isotopes baseball game Jock Squawk [JABF21] 87.9 - Rock Radio Station Louie of Louis' Towing is listening to [KABF06] National Public Radio This is Terry Gross from NPR saying thank you. Now let's get back to our 1987 interview with Senator Alan Cranston. [MABF11] 89.4 - The Spur [MABF13] Sanskrit 93-point-seven The Dot Manjula: Why do you always change it to Sanskrit 93-point-seven the dot? Apu: I like Rajib Rubabba and big Brahmanin in the morning! No caste is safe from their merry japes. Manjula: Having a Mahathma or a Manatma contest is not a jape, it is a sexist sacrilege. I hate that channel! Apu: But you have so much in common with them. Non-stop chatter during drive time! Manjula: Take..it..back! Apu: I take it back. Radio Programs KBBL's Bill & Marty an obvious parody of the syndicated "Don and Mike Show" [7F03] "two grown men who can't get enough of each other" [same slogan as Don and Mike]; Rise and shine Springfield students. It's the Bill and Marty Show. He's Bill... he's Marty Two grown men who can't get enough of each other. And it looks like we got some snow formation for all those flake lovers out there. Mm-hmm. Springfield electric, gas and water plants are closed for the day. Oh, now don't forget the nuclear power plan, Bill. That's clooooosed too! Now for all you youngsters, you toddlers. This is what you've been waiting for. Springfield County schools are-- I can't read it I'm too excited... Uh-oh. Springfield County schools will be closed! [8F14] both do crank calls [1F11] both talk about/laugh at celebrities [5F21] both use silly sound effects [7F07] on TV hosting the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade [7F24] Michael Jackson coming to Springfield Bill: We've just been handed a bulletin from our Rock 'n' Rumor department. Marty: That's right - Michael Jackson the Thriller himself is moonwalking his way right here to our very own Springfield. Bill: And while we go check it out why don't you enjoy a seldom-heard extra-long version of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida." [8F14] "Bill and Marty Classic Crank Call" [8F21] interview Spinal Tap backstage at the Springfield Coliseum [8F21] "in other Spinal Tap news, Mayor Quimby honored the aging super group in a ceremony at City Hall" ".....he's taping into the spines of the young voters" [9F07] Snow Time Bill: Take it easy folks! It's "snow" picnic out there. Marty: I "snow" what you mean. Bill: You're deadweight, Marty. [9F13] Plays Monster Mash on Valentine's Day Marty: Doing the Monster Mash with ya on this beautiful Valentine's Day. Bill: Marty, why did you play that song today? There must be thousands of love songs. Marty: Well, its kind of a love song - all the monsters enjoying each other's company, dancing, holding their evil in check. Bill: You played the wrong record, didn't you? Marty: Why are you doing this to me? [9F13] Plays Monster Mash on President's Day Bill: Hey, hey! Bill and Marty here wrapping up as beautiful President's Day. Marty: To George and all the rest, here's a special song just for you. (Monster Mash comes on.... again.) Doggone it! [1F11] discussing whatever happened to "that I didn't do it kid"? [1F14] give away 2 tickets to the Pigskin Classic football game to Ned Flanders [1F15] jobs are threatened by the Bart controversy and the Automated DJ [1F15] "KBBL is gonna give me somethin' stupid" contest [5F21] "5 o'clock news flash" www.[whistle>][boing] [AABF12] "That was Men Without Hats, or as they're known today, Men Without Jobs!" [AABF12] live remote from PJ O'Harrigan's Pub [AABF18] live remote from the `How low can you go' contest [BABF20] Broadcasts contest to win Who tickets and picks Homer's old number [CABF22] Marty: That was the Fifth Dimension with Weddings are Nice. Bill: You know what else is nice Marty? Marty: What's that Bill? Bill: The KBBL Prize Posse. If our wampum wagon spots your KBBL Prize Penguin you'll win forty dollars! [DABF17] It's Bill and Marty on the line right now with Springfield's very own Fat Tony. Fat Tony: I wish to announce that my associates and I will gun down Homer Simpson if he has not left home by noon tomorrow. B&M: Wow, that's quite a threat! You have a song request? [FABF18] You're on the morning show with Bill & Marty, What's your Wednesday whine? [HABF17] Broadcasting "War of the Worlds" (it's a flashback to 1938) [KABF18] 4th of July Broadcast Bill and Marty here we're in the middle of another 4th of July weekend shock jock talk block. All weekend long we'll be counting down the top 500 wacky sound effects of all time! And here's number 499 where were you when you first heard this: (spring boing) I'll tell you where I was; I was out eating (chinese music) I think I had Kung Pao (cat screech) and I ended up on the (toilet flush). [LABF05] This is Bill and Marty saying Marge go down to the basement! Other Radio Programs [7G01] Dr. Marvin Monroe Show [7G07] Mamu in the Morning [7F07] "Hooray for Everything" half-time show [7F08] KBBL Proudly Sponsors The Ye Olde First Annual Miniature Golf Tournament [8F05] Gabbin' About God And in order to keep our broadcasting license we devote Sunday night dead time to public service shows of limited appeal. In that spirit we bring you Gabbin' About God sponsored by Ace Religious Supply, where they say, ``If we don't got it, it ain't holy.'' [9F21] Paul Harvey's the Rest of the Story [2F02] the Birch Barlow Talk Show [2F08] Radio Psychic [2F32] Moleman in the Morning [5F03] Sports Spew! with Roy Firestone [AABF17] Jerry Rude and the Bathroom Bunch [DABF09] Itchy and Scratchy Radio Hour [GABF15] Verbal Tea on National Public Radio Other Radio Shows and References [7G07] Homer listens to a football game [7G07] "......we interrupt Mamu in the Morning.....Jebediah Springfield's statue has been decapitated....." [8F11] Bart pulls pranks with the Celebrity Microphone and various radios prank on Homer: "......people of Earth, this is Bartron......." prank on Flanders' kids: "....Rod, Todd, this is God..." prank on Marge: "....mama....mama...." "sorry lady, show's over" eavesdrops on Lisa and a friend talking about Corey without a shirt prank on Ms. Krabappel: "obscene noise as she sits down" prank on entire town: "help, I fell down the well" "my name is Timmy O'Toole" [8F19] people listening to KUDD play Lurleen Lumpkin song Homer in the Car prisoners, the song soothes the riot to hugging Simpson family in the living room [8F24] The lottery numbers are announced [9F01] Homer listens to his "No Soap Radio" in the shower It's 11 KBBL degrees below zero. I hope you're somewhere warm. [9F01] Homer Calls in on the Johnny Calhoun clip contest (Sounds like Bill and Marty) Bill: That was Johnnie Calhoun with Gonna Find Me a Genie With a Magic Bikini. Marty: Of course, Johnny's next record was a spoken word album of his right-wing political views. It kinda killed this career. If you can tell me the name of that album, call our contest line now. Homer: I know that! [9F11] On Selma's Ham radio someone says "I have a ham radio" [9F20] Arnie Pie in the Sky "look out at the corner of 4th and Main, I'm gonna be sick" [9F22] Side Show Bob dedicates a son to Bart "I'm coming to kill you slowly and painfully" [2F02] Grampa claims to have owned the first radio in Springfield [2F02] People listening to Birch Barlow Talk Show No sports, no rock, no information, for mindless chatter, we're your station! KBBL talk radio and now Springfield's favorite conservative and author of the well selling book "Only Turkeys Have Left Wings" Ladies and Gentlemen, Birch Barlow. gang at Moe's Bar Simpson family listening in most every room of the house Bart listens with headphones at school Homer and Lisa listen on the car radio Homer listening at his work station at the plant [2F02] Bart hears his mortal enemy Dr. Demento [2F07] hillbilly getaway music on the radio causes locals to chase Homer and Grampa [2F09] Arnie Pie in the Sky reports a traffic jam [3F18] Marge in the kitchen is listening to Swing Serenade [3F18] sponsored by Gorman's Ear Guards "Guard your ears!!" [3F05] Arnie Pie in the Sky Arnie Pie in the sky with the morning commute. Traffic this morning is as bad as it gets due to a fire at the army testing lab a bunch of escaped infected monkeys are roaming the expressway. Despite the sweltering heat don't unroll your windows 'cause those monkeys seem confused and irritable. [4F16] Marge listens to her new "frying pan radio" [5F15] Groundskeeper Willie tunes in three different stations playing bagpipe music [5F18] radio commercial "Divorce specialist" [a free tote bag] [AABF07] kids of Springfield broadcast secrets of the adults [AABF12] Homer listens to a broadcast from 1939 [DABF05] KBBL Radio seen on broadcast tower at Demolition Derby in the Civic Center [MABF01] Superintendent Chalmers reads the school closings; Springfield High School. Springfield Middle School. Springfield El...exilente Spanish Language School. Springfield Elemental Center for Periodic Table Studies. Springfield Elementary School Diving Academy. ...and Of course Springfield Elementary is closed. We were just messing with Bart Simpson. [MABF21] This American Life Springfield Television    In [FABF07] our favorite family visits the Museum of Television and TV.    TV News TV Movies TV Programs Commercials TV Channels TELEVISION NEWS Kent Brockman News [7G09] Bigfoot no longer a myth [7G12] Krusty arrested for robbing a Kwik-E-Mart [7F07] Thanksgiving at the Rescue Mission Oh, we have lots of names for these people-- bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the earth. We'd like to sweep these people into the gutter or, if they're already in the gutter, to some other out-of-the-way place. Oh, we have our reasons-- they're depressing, they wear ragged clothes, they're "crazy," they smell bad-- [someone interrupts with "Hey, listen, man--] Wait, I'm going somewhere with this. So, every year, on one lone, conscious-salving day, we toss these people... a bone. A turkey bone. And that's supposed to make it all better. No, you won't find Freddie the Freeloader or Emmet Kelly or even Charlie Chaplin's beloved Little Tramp down here. Kent: How long have you been on the streets? Bart: Goin' on five years, Kent. Kent: Your family may be watching. Is there anything you'd like to say to them? [caption has "might"] Bart: Yes, there is Kent. Ha, ha! I didn't apologize. [8F02] "..and to conclude this Hallowe'en newscast on a scary note: remember, the presidential primaries are only a few months away." [8F04] Meltdown Crisis: the first couple of minutes [8F11] Lincoln Squirrel has been assassinated [8F14] Arnie Pie in the Sky [8F17] Lottery Fever, Kent wins the Lottery [8F24] Krisis at Kamp Krusty Kent: Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iran and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse then all of them put together. Kids: Burn, Krusty, burn! Burn, Krusty, burn! Kent: A group of school aged Spartacuses has taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared. What's that? I'm being told I can have an exclusive interview with the ringleader. Homer, thinking: Don't be the boy. Don't be the boy. Homer: D'oh! Bart: I just want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. Can I say crappy on TV? Kent: Yes, on this network, you can. [9F01] Fire at the Simpsons Residence Fire, man's oldest foe. Insatiable, remorseless, unquenchable. Coming up next, which work better - springy clothespins or the other kind? [9F02] Amber Dempsey Struck by Lightning Scott: Coming up next, a new fad that's sweeping the nation - wasting food. But first, let's join the new Little Miss Springfield, Amber Dempsey as she helps open the Danish super-chain "Shop" Kent: Scott, everyone is here from the mayor's illegitimate son to our own Duff blimp. (Barney drives dump blimp into tower and it explodes) Oh the humanity! Anyway, to turn on the stores "severe tire damage" spikes, here's Little Miss Springfield. (a storm arises and lightning strikes her scepter) Kent: Ladies and gentleman, Little Miss Springfield has been struck by lightning. [9F02] Lisa removed as Little Miss Springfield Lisa Simpson is no longer Little Miss Springfield. She was striped of her crown in a ceremony earlier today. (They show a goat drinking from a bottle) Well, that's obviously the wrong footage. Uh, but it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under "Do not write in this space" he wrote, Okay. [9F02] "...and now my exclusive interview with his holiness, Pope John Paul II" [switches to clip of a goat being fed] [9F05] Leaning Casa de Simpson report on Simpsons' house foundation problems ...leaving the Vice President in charge. (We see a picture of the white house) And now, Leaning Tower of Pisa, eat your heart out and move over. This is one story that is not on the level! [9F07] Widow's Peak snow storm, Arnie Pie in the sky goes down [9F07] Plow King trapped in a sudden avalanche Springfield's beloved Plow King ..is trapped! Barney Gumble, shown here donating $50,000 to the Shelbyville Dance Theatre was caught in a sudden avalanche on Widow's Peak earlier today. It was captured on film by a camera crew making the upcoming Fox special In Search of Bigfoot. Cameraman: Hold it Bob, we can see your wristwatch. Bigfoot: Oh, damn it. Cameraman: Hey, what's that? [9F10] Monorail conductor Announced After an exhaustive search Springfield has found its monorail conductor. Homer Simpson. (they show "file photo" of Homer with 50 cigarettes in his mouth) [9F10] Monorail Inaugural Ride Ladies and Gentlemen nothing brings out the stars like the maiden voyage of a monorail. Everyone's here, from recently outed leading man Dash Calhoun to Krusty the Clown. Here's one of those lovable high-schoolers from TV's Springfield Heights, 90210. He's cool, he's sexy, he's 34 years old. Let's hear it for Kyle Darren! And here's country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford Clinic! What ya been up to, Lurleen? Lurleen: I spent last night in a ditch. Kent: How about that, folks! [9F12] Fistfight at Marine World This just in. A fistfight is in progress in downtown Springfield. Early reports indicate, and these are very preliminary, that one of the fighters is a giant lizard. Do we have a source on this? Uh-huh. A bunch of drunken frat boys. All right. I could use some names. I.P. Freely. [9F18] Matlock [9F19] Gabbo Gaffe, "that oughta hold those s.o.b.'s" [9F20] Osaka Flue Hits Springfield Kent: The dreaded Osaka flu has now hit Springfield with over 300 cases now reported. Now over to Arnie Pie with Arnie in the sky! Arnie: Route 401 is going around, and around, and around, and around, and around and look out at the corner of 12th and Main because I'm going to be sick. [1F01] Searching for Bobo, Burns' teddy bear [1F03] Special Bulletin: high speed chase in the badlands in progress; culprits are Ruth Powers and Marge Simpsons [1F04] Mr. Burns' closed a deal to buy the Springfield Blood Bank [1F05] the Do What You Feel Festival [1F08] unemployment report: not just for philosophy majors anymore [1F09] Crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside [1F12] Malibu Stacey doll [1F19] Quimby's nephew in court, Waitergate [2F02] Mayoral Election And the results are in for Sideshow Bob 100%, for Joe Quimby 1% and we remind you there is a 1% margin of error. [2F05] Slow News Day Announcer: It's Channel 6 Action News Kent: Hello, I'm Kent Brockman. Our top stories tonight a tremendous explosion ...in the price of lumber, President Reagan dyes....his hair says Gary Trudeau in his new musical comedy review but first check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow. Weatherman: Well Kent as of now the death count is zero. but it is ready to shoot right up. Kent: Oh my God! Damn you snow! Weatherman: Kent I'd like to remind everybody to come down and watch me at the Springfield Laugh and Brew and Burgers and Fries. The forecast calls for a 75% chance of hilarity! [2F06] Live round the clock coverage of the Simpson home This is hour 57 of our live round the clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember by the way to turn in tonight at 8 o'clock for highlights of todays vigil, including when the garbageman came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... possibly because it was harassed, we don't know. Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat sensitive camera. So let's turn it on. Now this technology is new to be but I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven (its obviously a turkey) rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees, he's literally stewing in his own juices. Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll, 95% of the people believe Homer Simpsons is guilty. Now of course, this is just a television poll which is not legally binding unless proposition 304 passes, and we all pray it will. [2F11] Rocket destroys bridge out of town, House fails to pass the evacuate Springfield/pervert Bill Kent: And like Icarus, the rocket foolishly soared to high and lost control of its servo-guidance mechanism leaves us with some six hours to live. So let's go live now to the charred remains of the only bridge out of town with Arnie Pie and Arnie in the Sky. Arnie: With the bridge gone and the airport, unfortunately, on the other side of the bridge a number of citizens are unfortunately attempting to jump the gorge with their cars. It's a silent testament to the never-give-up and never-think-things-out spirit of our citizens. Kent: With our utter annihilation imminent, our federal government has snapped into action> We go live now via satellite to the floor of the United State Congress. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES Speaker of the House: Then it is unanimous. We are going to approve the bill to evacuate the citizens of Springfield in the great state of (interrupted, of course) Congressman: I want to tack on a rider to that bill. Thirty million dollars of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts. Speaker of the House: All in favor of the amended Springfield/pervert bill? (boos) Bill defeated. Kent: I've said it before and I'll say it again; Democracy simply doesn't work. Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another he just cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now. So the following people are gay... [2F16] Mr. Burns has been shot [2F17] "..with wealthy Hollywood people on their way, local merchants can be forgiven for raising their prices a little.." [2F18] 2 ton Rhino recaptured, 3 ton Rhino attacks the crowd in the background [2F18] Interviews of Smithers, accused of murdering Mr. Burns Dave: Dave Shutton? Springfield Shopper, Who are you, where are you going? Kent: Do your research Shutton. Kent Brockman, Channel 6 news. How does it feel to be accused of the attempted murder of your boss and mentor? Smithers: Kent I, I feel about as low as Madonna when she found out she missed Tailhook. Kent: I'm gonna say 'Ouch!' for Madonna. [2F32] Krusty news conference, Krusty metal-o and amusement park ARE safe Kent: This just in! Krusty the Clown staged a press conference today to defend himself against charges that his products are unsafe, his theme park is a deathtrap and he marketing videos of Tanya Harding's wedding night. Krusty: ..and I contend that those tourists were decapitated *before* they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question. Female Reporter: What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal? Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. See there's nothing.. Argh! Aaah! Boy! This thing is shedding my insides.. Sideshow Mel: Uhh.. Krusty that wasn't a metal one that was a regular Krusty-O. Krusty: It's poison. [3F04] Giant Advertising Mascots Attack! [THOH] Kent: Good morning everybody. Panic is gripping Springfield as giant advertising mascots rampage through the city. Perhaps its part of some daring new ad campaign but what new product could justify such carnage? A cleanser? A fat free fudge cake that doesn't let you down in the flavor department? Like so many others,.. (Kent is taken by giant Kent) [3F06] Homer's Mom Sabotage's Burns Chemical Lab  (flashback) Kent: Only one member of the Springfield 7 was identified. She's been described as a woman in her early 30's, yellow complexion and may be extremely helpful. For Channel Six news, I'm Kenny Brockelstein. [3F09] Last Broadcast Before Sideshow Bob Shut Television Down ..and as my final newscast draws to a close I'll reminded of a few of the events that brought me closer to you. The collapse of the Soviet Union; premium ice cream price wars; dogs that were mistakenly issued major credit cards; and others, who weren't so lucky. And so, farewell. And don't forget to look for my new column in PC World magazine. [3F12] Krusty in jail for tax avoision [I don't say evasion] Ladies and gentleman, Krusty the Clown was arrested today for massive tax fraud. Krusty's years of tax avoision would never have ... (hearing something in earphone)... avoision, it's a crime. Look it up. ...would never have come...I don't say evasion I say avoision. Would never have come to light if not for a crafty little boy named Bart Simpson. [3F12] the Day the Laughter Died, Krusty is dead ..and so, Herschel Krustofsy is gone, but not forgotten. Today was the unveiling of the new Krusty stamp. Postal patrons were asked to choose between two competing designs; one of Krusty's heartwarming smile and one of his fiery death. By nearly a two to one vote, the smiling Krusty was chosen. [3F16] A stowaway bear terrorizing space shuttle, Itchy & Scratchy Parade [3F20] This is Kent Brockman with a special report from the channel 6 news copter. A large "bear"-like animal, most likely a bear, has wandered down from the hills in search of food, or perhaps employment. Please remain calm. Stay in your homes. [3F20] It's a landslide! Yes on 24! The proposition passed with a record 95%. [3G01] Man in a coma for 23 years, E.T. phone Homer [3G02] Springfield Heat Wave And so Springfield's heat wave continues, with today's temperature exceeding the record for this date, set way back 4 billion years ago when the earth was just a ball of molten lava. [3G04] Could Homer Simpson be a communist? Well sir, Treason season started early this year as a nuclear sub was hijacked by local man Homer Simpson. [4F02] Campaign 96': Clinton conference and Dole comments [4F05] Mr. Burns' son has been kidnapped [4F06] An oil tanker has run aground on Baby Seal Beach [4F07] Hurricane Barbara is coming [4F07] On the scene with the Leftorium rioters [4F15] A drunken boy [Bart] on the street [4F24] Kent: Now to recap our top story in its entirety. The adaptable citizens of Springfield have opened their hearts to Principal Seymour Skinner, who.. (looking back at photo) not THAT one! Idiots. [4F24] A Wave of towel snapping in Springfield [5F01] Soccer Riot Kent: What began as a traditional soccer riot has escalated into a city-wide orgy of destruction. Reacting swiftly Mayor Quimby has declared mob rule. So for the next several years it's every family for itself! Homer: I'd like to buy your deadliest gun? Gun salesman: Aisle 6, right next to the sympathy cards. [5F02] Kent: ...and that's how a heroic hippo became a deputy. [5F02] Tension between France and Springfield over Mayor Quimby's frog legs joke Kent: This just in - Tensions continue to mount between France and Mayor Quimby's now famous frogs legs joke. The French President has threatened swift and massive retaliation if he doesn't receive an immediate apology. Homer: Stupid frogs. Kent: We now go live to city hall for Mayor Quimby's response. Quimby: I stand by my ethnic slur. Do your worst you filthy pretentious savages! [5F03] Health Fair Kent: Results from yesterday's health fair are in and the news is not good. Springfield is in terrible shape particularly our young boys. In this reporter's opinion, it's time for our lard-laden lads to shape up. Get out and try fun activities like military service, frenetic dancing or good old-fashioned peewee football. [5F13] Live Mayor Quimby press conference at the abandoned penitentiary [5F14] Live Report: Tax day at the post office. "It's the 11th hour, 10pm. Why did you wait to the last minute to..." [5F21] Phony Pope "authorities say he can be recognized by his hightop sneakers and incredibly foul mouth" [5F21] Thomas Edison still inventing, will generate millions for already wealthy heirs [5F22] Our top story: population of parasitic tree lizards has exploded. local citizens happy that they're eating all the pigeons. [5F23] Special Investigation Report--an evil sect has come to Springfield, the Movementarians. Later, "Let's welcome our new leader" [5F24] Attention all citizens, even though the leader is completely non-violent, he urges you to be violent as you like in capturing the Simpsons. [AABF01] Fluffy kitten played with a ball of string all through the night; a clerk was brutally murdered [AABF01] another of Springfield's beloved citizens murdered today [AABF02] point shaving may have occurred in as many as 3 Harlem Globetrotter games; a half-witted oaf causes production to stop at Groovy Groove Juice Corporation [AABF05] rat's milk is returned to the sewers, the circle of life is complete [AABF06] live at the Monty Burns Casino demolition [AABF07] live at Moe's with the celebration of the Isotope's win [AABF07] live at Springfield Elementary "The 3 R's stand for Rowdiness, Ransacking, and er-Responsibility" [AABF07] reports the news from his home because of the new under 70 curfew [AABF11] Valentine's Day is one day away. Local Romeo's seven day gift-a-thon delighting his wife..." [AABF11] live at the scene of a Level 3 Rhino alert [AABF16] "To honor the arrival of our foreign friends and enemies, Channel 6 is sponsoring a contest to find a Springfield Olympic Mascot. The winner will join such other memorable mascots such as The Atlanta 'Whatzit' and the Montreal 'Vampire'." [AABF17] billionaire Arthur Fortune visits Springfield [AABF17] monster fever hits Springfield [AABF18] "This is Kent Brockman at city hall where the intellectual junta known as the bright pack has been running this town for the better part of three days." [BABF20] Springfield: A Town Divided "As expected New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule..." [BABF20] "With the money made from the gold Old Springfield was able to buy the Evian water factory and fly it over here from France.." [CABF02] Mr. "X" the Internet watchdog [CABF06] "The weather service has now upgraded from winter wonderland to a class III kill storm" [CABF12] "Good afternoon and welcome to the 97th Springfield Marathon commemorating the time Jebediah Springfield ran across six states to avoid his creditors." [CABF15] "Praiseland Amusement Park had its grand opening today. We now go live to its founder, Nedwood Flanders..." [CABF18] "Local authorities are confident the killer bees are just curious and won't bother us if we don't bother them." [CABF18] On a serious note two local residents have been missing for the last 20 minutes. We take you now live to Barney's Bowl-a-rama and the last man who saw them: Montgomery Burns. [CABF22] Kent Brockman: There's a new judge in town with a hard nosed approach to juvenile crime; punish the parents! Judge Harm: Kids are running wild, Kent. And I blame Mr. & Mrs. Neverspank.... It's time to take control. Parents; if you can't cope, you'll wear the rope [DABF01] Environmental laws repealed: "In the nation the administration has declared recycling a felony and Smokey the Bear is now Choppy the Lumberjack." [DABF03] Sugar banned in Springfield: "Good evening. Our top story, Springfield's cake hole has been shut forever! Under what has been dubbed Marge's law, all forms of sugar are now illegal. So say a bittersweet farewell to such old friends as mud pies, Bite 'Ems, Éclarios [cereal], Chew 'Ems, Kellogg's All Fudge, Big Red Snack Foam, [Sugared] Milk Chuds, Eat 'Ems and all sugar pills will be changed back to highly concentrated opium." [DABF04] Artie Ziff rich: "Gentleman, start your envy! Mens World Magazine has listed the 100 richest men in the country and coming in at number five is Springfield native Artie Ziff." [DABF07] "This just in a robbery is in progress at the National Bank of Springfield.." [DABF11] "This just in The marijuana re-criminalization took another step forward..." [DABF16] "Speaking of death, octogenarian Merna Belamy was brutally murdered last night. The top suspects her disgruntled servants Homer and Marge Simpson." [DABF17] Ernie: Kent this city has exploded in a fireball of pent-up rage! Kent: I think what the viewers want to know Arnie is, is my house OK? [DABF17] Kent: With this latest arrest Springfield is free of crime, although overrun with ferrets. [DABF18] Kent: ...making it the latest Segway scooter incident to claim over one thousand lives. [DABF18] Kent: Locally two school children offended veterans and flag hags imitating a stunt they learned while watching television's Krusty the Clown.. [DABF19] Kent: ...like comedy clubs in the late 80's, these ravenous clones are everywhere! [Sign behind him has "SWARM WATCH" with hundreds of Homer heads] They've destroyed every building in town. Except Moe's tavern, which is reporting record business! [EABF01] Kent: It's Mardi Gras time in Springfield. This year's Mardi Gras King is none other than local hothead Homer Simpson. Long Live the King! In a related story, Homer Simpson may not have long to live. [EABF03] Kent: [interviewing Lisa] Young lady why are you protesting today? Lisa: Because this lab is cruelly testing consumer products on animals. [EABF03] Kent: Breaking news at the screaming monkey research labs where hundreds of test animals have been freed by unknown activists. Chief Wiggum, do you have a statement? [EABF06] Kent: Springfield is still grappling tonight with the departure of Reverend Timothy Lovejoy, local Bible nut. How is our community coping with this spiritual vacuum? Let's ask Arnie Pye, in the sky.. [EABF07] Lisa Simpson and the Spellympics; In business news, 3M and M&M have merged to form.. get this.. Ultradyne Systems. And speaking of news stories, here's another... [Lisa's picture appears with WORD NERD written below it] Springfield's spelling phenom Lisa Simpson has qualified for spelling's answer to the Olympics, the Spellympics. In a related story, the Spellympics is being sued by the Olympics for use of the suffix lympics. [Parody of suit for five rings; five rings appears on picture on screen with vowels within the rings [tosses papers aside] This has got to be the slowest news day *ever*. [handed a news bulletin] Ah, that's better. Paris is no more. The legendary city of lights has been extinguished forever as a massive [TV is cut off] [EABF09] Kent: Congressman Wilcox was laid to rest today. A special election with be held next month to fill his vacant seat. [EABF09] Kent: (Armstrong for Congress sign appears overhead) This is Kent Brockman witha special live report from the headquarters of Krusty opponent John Armstrong. How can I prove we're live? Penis! Now, here's the candidate... [EABF09] Kent: We're ready to announce a winner in Springfield's 24th congressional district. Its Republican candidate Krusty the Clown! [EABF11] Clean Up of Light Pollution; Look out Matthew Modine and Charlene Tilden. There are new stars in town! Sky stars! Now visible due to Springfield's latest cave-in, to the astronomer lobby. [Interviewing Lisa and Frink] Lisa: The best part is, next week we get to see the deadly meteor shower. Kent: Deadly meteor shower? Lisa: Named after its discoverer, Professor Artermus Deadly, who was, ironically, killed in the shower of 1853. [EABF11] [Sign behind Kent] Hoods Rob Hoods in 'Hoods; Springfield's pro-darkness policy has resulted in a spree of vandalism unmatched since the Detroit Tigers made the playoffs over two centuries ago. The government has issued an Orange alert, which, once again, means.. nothing. [EABF14] Homer the Cat Lover Kent: Mr. Simpson, how long have you been a cat person? Homer: All my life, Kent. I prefer catsup to ketchup, and to me Yusaf Islam will always be Cat Stevens. Kent: Terrific stuff. You must really love the Broadway musical Cats. Homer: God no, it sucks! Kent: Seems like you're quite the animal lover. Do you have any other pets, a dog perhaps? Homer: Kent, let me make this perfectly clear. I *have* no dog. Kent: Strong words. Strong words, from a strange man. [EABF18] Captured 60's radical Mona J. Simpson goes on trial today on decades old charges of sabotaging the Montgomery Burns germ warfare lab. For those of you too young to remember the 60's, Here's our stock montage: [as promised, scenes of Peace rally/Vietnam protest, Nixon, etc.] During her years on the lam Mona Simpson led an exemplary life working as a crossing guard; oral historian; reader for the blind; listener for the deaf; and reacher for the short. Yet local villain Montgomery Burns seen here terrorizing children in a 19th century woodcut insists that she stand trial. [EABF19] ...the angry President woke up, crawled out of his grave, and went back to work! That sound can only mean one thing. It's time for another installment of Kent's Cowards! Today's clip comes straight from the Springfield Dump. [EABF20] The Springfield student strike has entered its fourth day with no end in sight. Today professional buttinski Michael Moore arrived on the scene. [FABF02] This just in, Santa Claus is dead. Or he might as well be, because there's an even fatter man who's holding men at nicepoint. Homer Simpson, seen here in this retouched photo. [FABF03] Kids are people too! Worthless, incomplete people. That's the battle cry as single Springfieldelites are continuing to run roughshod over children and families. ...and in downtown Springfield a statue is being erected to America's most misunderstood hero, the deadbeat Dad. [Statue "I Just Don't Have It"] [FABF03] Coming up later, what your dog can tell you about your prostate. But first, Marge Simpson's "Families Come First" initiative seems to be gaining steam. [FABF08] Coming up: Can Canoodling cure cancer? Of course not. But first, where is Artie Ziff? The SEC wants to know. Seems Ziff Corp. spent stockholders money on everything from marble toothbrushes to solid gold underpants. (Marge notices that's what she's ironing) [FABF08] Artie Ziff shocked investigators today by turning over a second set of books detailing his own financial culpability and exonerating stumbling bumbling boob Homer Simpson. [FABF10] [not realizing he's live yet] Oh God I love to smoke. We're live at the opening of the latest chapter of the epic space saga Cosmic Wars. And the nerds have emerged from their basements wearing strange costumes to shield their pasty skin from the moonlight. [FABF11] I'm not chipping in for a birthday cake for that jackass Arnie Pyle. Let him eat.. [now notices camera is on] This is Kent Brockman live at Springfield Juvenile hall the scene of a daring escape by prisoners Bart Simpson and Gina Vendetti. [FABF14] ...I guess you could call him "The Little Tortoise Who Couldn't". See our web site for the recipe. This just in: a monster tornado is tearing through Dayton, Ohio. [FABF15] Pie! Popular pastry, tricky Math thing and now sword of righteousness. A masked avenger has been giving Springfield's scoundrels their just deserts. [FABF16] Following the lead of Springfield Nuclear Power other local companies are canceling their prescription drug plans, even here at channel 6. To cope with the crisis many consumers are turning to alternative forms of treatment. Of course this wouldn't be necessary if retail drug prices were reasonable. Dr. Julius Hibbert, do you agree? [FABF18] This is Kent Brockman, live at Springfield's most beloved tourist attraction, the man shaped mountain crag known as Geezer rock. Carved by centuries of wind and rain Geezer rock will soon be more than just a place for teens to have sex and commit suicide... [FABF18] ...and so, a day after the tragedy the town still mourns the loss of its veritable old man. Beloved by children, thought to be thousands of years old. We'll miss you Geezer Rock. But one old man we certainly don't miss is the late C. Montgomery Burns. As owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant he generated both electricity and contempt. Thank You Geezer rock for doing what none of us had the courage to do; smush Mr. Burns. [FABF18] Kent debates Booberella Kent: In tonight's face-off I'll be debating movie ghoulie Boobarella on the subject of our new boss C. Montgomery Burns. In my view he's a great leader and a gallant American. Elvira: He's got a heart as big as my boooobs. Kent: I guess we'll have to agree to agree on this one. Elvira: Boooobs! [FABF20] I'm here live at the annual Oven Fresh Bakeoff brought to you by the Oven Fresh Flour family of products including Li'l Fatso Cupcakes; Drizzlers Gravies; American Pride Radar-Guided Missile Systems and Quetzalcoatl's Choice Mexican Food ("Tastier than a human heart")". The favorite from Zewananeyho to popapachaettle. [FABF22] In Springfield today a sex scandal has brought in reporters from around the world. Why, here's Fox news! The cause of all this commotion is mayor and suspected illegal immigrant Joe Quimby named today in paternity suits by 27 different women. [FABF22] Rebuttle Chloe: Two things are certain; the mayor is in deep trouble, and the local newsmen in this town are idiots. Kent: (interrupting) Channel Six News rocks. A car chase every night, or the weather girl wears a tube top. And if she doesn't, you win a pizza. [GABF01] Kent Brockman: So, Mr. Boswell, what do you think of the new Moe's? Boswell: Marge Simpson, I wish you me could live forever [GABF02] Outrage Over Religious Super Bowl Show Kent: All over America today, viewers were outraged by the Super Bowl halftime show's blatant display of religion and decency. Woman on the street: You try to raise your kids as secular humanists but these showbiz types keep shoving religion down our throats! Child: Mommy, why wasn't I baptized? Woman: You see? You see? [GABF03] Bart Kidnapped Tragedy climbed a ladder last night as 10-year-old Bart Simpson was snatched from his bed. His chocolate milk dreams cut short by kidnapping fiends. Mrs. Simpson is the pain so unbearable you wish your son had never been born? [GABF08] Prison Riot We've all heard of a laugh riot, but a prison riot? Kent Brockman high above Montgomery Burns State Penitentiary where our expensive Thermocam 3000 is finally being used for something. This red glow is the heat is from a pack of inmates who are desperately looking for prison snitch Homer Simpson. This massive blob over here who's attempting to hide in the kitchen area. Good luck, blobby! [GABF14] End of the World This is Kent Brockman reporting live from downtown Springfield where overweight doomsayer Homer Simpson is predicting the world will end next Wednesday! Homer, what turned you from sad drunk to mad monk? Homer: Funny story Kent. Its the End of the World! God Loves You! He's Gonna Kill You! Here's my angle.... [GABF14] Springfield Lettuce Festival This weekend's Springfield Lettuce Festival is gonna be bigger and better than ever. We've got romaine, iceberg, radicchio, and everyone's favorite, baby Bibb. Even a few cabbages are getting in on the fun. [GABF16] Springfield Cemetery next to The Simpsons The postal service is sending a change of address card - to itself! The Springfield Stamp Museum will now be built on the site of the Springfield Cemetery. The cemetery will be moved right here - next to The Simpsons. [GABF19] Worse Accident in Springfield History This is Kent Brockman live at the scene at the worse accident in Springfield's history. But not to worry, the city's emergency services are on their way. (Fire, ambulance and Wiggum in his police car all collide on the scene right before a helicopter crashes on the wreckage) Springfield needs a hero! And it needs one now! [GABF19] Kent Brockman for Mayor (in front of sign "The Old Gray Mayor Ain't What He Use to be") Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby has survived twelve reelection campaigns, countless accusations of infidelity, bribery, extortion, and his bizarre attempt to hijack a 747. "Take this plane anywhere girls are going wild." But the mayor may have a tougher time getting past next months special recall election. Over 200 candidates have filed, including yours truly Kent Brockman. In other news, a common household fabric can kill you. Find out which one when you vote for Kent Brockman! [HABF03] Body found on Mt. Springfield Kent Brockman here atop Mt. Springfield where the melting icecap has revealed a discovery so gruesome we'll give you a moment to get the children out of the room. That's long enough. Here it is, a frozen mailman and somehow buried in ice several decades ago. For further analyses here's the one scientist whose always home when we call, Professor John Frink! Frink: Based on the ice core samples and the size of the mailman's bell bottoms we have determined that he was frozen sometime in the 1960's. [HABF03] Hurricane in Springfield Keys This is Kent Brockman in the Springfield Keys reporting to you from the middle of a hurricane. The lid from my coffee cup is looong gone. (he's then struck by a STOP sign) I'm scared people, truly scared! [HABF09] Springfield Professional Football This is Kent Brockman live from the Duff Beer Krustyburger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park. In just one hour the commissioner of football will arrive to sign the contracts necessary to make Springfield the home of pro-football's newest team; The Meltdowns. In honour of the commissioners visit the city has been repainted in the team colors and all the streets whimsically renamed. [HABF14] Lisa vs. God Trial This is Kent Brockman reporting live from the trail of God vs. Lisa Simpson. Defending Miss Simpson is ACLU appointed liberal Clarice Drummond; and prosecuting the case against Lisa is humble country lawyer Wallace Brady. I think it's fair to say if that man doesn't win, I'm resigning from the jury. [HABF16] Buck Mitchell This is Kent Brockman with an Isotope baseball update. The 'topes are in first place since the acquisition of Home Run king Buck Mitchell. Thanks to him Springfield is overrun with fair weather fans. [HABF22] High Speed Pursuit Kent: This is Kent Brockman a high speed pursuit is taking place on the streets of Springfield. We were spotted it immediately after seeing it on channels 2, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 63. The driver is getting out of his car. He's running to a helipad. He's taking off in a copter. Here he is next to us. Snake: Kent, there seems to be a traffic tie-up at the 101 405 interchange. I recommend taking surface streets. Jailbird away! Kent: Well, there you have it people. Sweet Morley Safer do I see a telegenic housewife making art out of Popsicles? Set this baby down. I smell soft news? Ma'am I'd like to feature you on my award submitted segment, Kent Brockman's kentristing people! [JABF15] Kent the Weather Man (see also Smartline segment below!) Kent: The Federal Communications Commission announced today they will launch a full inquiry into garbage tongued anchorman Kent .. Brockman? In a related story Channel 6 will demote Kent Brockman to.. Weekend Weather Man??! Dear God this can't be happening (gets up and walks over to weather map). It's a glorious day here in Springfield. Light winds, low humidity. Let's check the five day forecast. (Someone has drawn Kent Stinks on the weather map while he was talking) Arnie Pye: (on monitor) Even the map thinks you stink Kent! Arnie Pye: In breaking news the FCC has just handed down a record 10 million dollar fine against channel 6 for Kent Brockman's shameful swear-nami. Ten million dollars! Looks like news hound, the channel 6 mascot, is going to have to go without his lazy eye surgery. Sorry, boy. [JABF19] Convicted Robber Dwight David Diddlehopper Escapes We interrupt this Emmy award winning cartoon for an important bulletin. Convicted bank robber Dwight David Diddlehopper has escaped from Springfield Penitentiary. The escapee left a note saying he will turn himself in after he takes care of one unfinished piece of business. The police have issued a statement saying "that seems more than fair". [MOVIE1] Pollution in Lake Springfield Good evening this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime against the environment have been fruitless until moments ago. A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield. (Homer: That could be anybody's pig crap silo.) Just a reminder; this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results - which it will. (GET HIM flashes under picture of Homer Simpson) [MOVIE1] Life Under The Dome This is Kent Brockman reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has it's own name and theme music. (Trappuccino shown on screen) The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything.from gasoline to Botox. (face suddenly melts down) Moment, please. Now, as always, we end out news on the lighter side. It's the time of the year when the swallows returns to Springfield. (we see swallows striking dome and sliding down to cats waiting below) Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which (power fails) Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low, who knows what spark will set off this powder keg. [KABF01] Ten time attempted murderer and celebrity Jeopardy runner-up Sideshow Bob is in custody again. [KABF01] America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths. Billy the Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Jesus Christ. Joining them now is Robert Sideshow Bob Twilligger whose funeral we're presenting with live shovel to shovel coverage. [KABF03] The Presidential Primary With Springfield's primary now first in the nation our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hack flaks, russards, blitzers and even the occasional voter. Kent: Sir, do you have a preference? Moe: Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop. Kent: Nah, are you a registered voter? Moe: I'm a registered... something. [KABF03] Wiggum for President Roll over Ann Coulter and tell James Carville the news. Springfield voters have overwhelmingly rejected the major candidates of both parties in favor of a write-in eight-year-old Ralph Wiggum. Shockingly this new face is now favored by 53% of likely voters. A new front runner has been crowned. [KABF03] Both Parties seek Wiggum for President This is Kent Brockman reporting from the Wiggum compound where both parties have gathered to court the most charismatic child since Drew Barrymore in Firestarter. When she got mad, they got burned! Ralph, both parties want to offer you their nomination. Whom do you like? [KABF07] Martin Prince Killed? Breaking News Channel 6 Kent: We interrupt Captain Kiddies Comfort Carnival to report on a grizzly incident involving a small child who has apparently plunged off a guardrail here at Springfield National Park. Chief Wiggum: According to this pocket protector the victim's name is Martin Prince. Sadly, his pocket was protected but nothing else. And we know exactly who was to blame. No one. The boy clearly fell by accident. He crashed through the tree canopy there, and was presumably eaten by this cougar who is still coughing up parts of the boys clothes. Tragic, just tragic. You think this would fit little Ralphie? Lou: Chief that's evidence. Chief: I Know, but after it's evidence it's a shirt again. [KABF09] Lurleen Lumpkin Tax Problems Dozen of swindling deadbeats as well as this respected reporter who made an honest mistake have paid their back taxes leaving only one outstanding debtor, country music star Lurleen Lumpkin, seen here at the height of her fame. (We see Lurleen with Kermit the Frog). (it then continues later) ...Miss Lumpkin owed $50,000 in back taxes with penalties, interest and the celebrity resentment tax that sum has grown to 12 million dollars. ..however she has been missing for several years since her career went into a downward spiral. [KABF21] Fortune 4 Lotto numbers are 9, 7, 3, and.. [LABF03] Ned, the Evil Landlord Kent: This is Kent Brockman with a Channel 6 exclusive. The Evil Ned. 742 Evergreen Terrace, a tiny slice of suburban heaven. But, like dating an actress, what seemed like heaven soon turned to hell. Homer: We live in a house that is trying to kill us... Kent: So, who is responsible for these outrages? The man whose side of the story we didn't even bother to get; Ned Flanders. The worst.. person.. who ever lived! [LABF04] Solar Eclipse Our top story: today, Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breast feeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade camera obscura fashioned from an ordinary shoe box and paper towel tube. [LABF05] The Parson Visits Springfielders have camped out all night to get a glimpse of the most saintly person to visit our town since Mother Theresa stopped here to gas up her Vespa. [LABF19] Springfield Witch Trials Kent Brockman: Bubble bubble, toil and trouble? Today Springfield will see its first witch trials in twelve years. Ooh, I think I see the witches now! This reporter has never enountered such disfigured crones. (Patty and Selma arrive) Patty: We're not the witches. Kent: Oh! Well you must then be victims of the witches hideous curse! Selma: You didn't think I was so hideous that night we made out in the back booth at the Seafood Hut. Kent: We all did crazy things on 9/11. Ahh, here come the witches. Do you have a statement for us mortals? Wiccan: Goddess Lillith, who knows our hearts are pure... All: Oh queen of magic, show our persecuters that they are blind. Wiccan: They are blind! [LABF20] Krusty Marries Penelope Move over Angelina. Take a backseat Queen Latifa Arod, because today belongs to Krustdelope. This is the fifteenth marriage for Krusty, and the first for Princess Penelope. Who is not, in fact, a real princess. Her actual name is Penelope Mountbatten Hapsburg Polenzarren Moulan Pocahantus. [MABF12] Terrorist Attack This just in; the suspicious bag detonated at Springfield Union Station today contained deadly plutonium, which can only mean one thing; a terrorist plot. Enough radioactivity was released to create seventeen Hulks and a Spiderman. Here's an artists conception. Quite disturbing. [MABF14] Kent's weather worriers are reporting gusts up to 75 mi...(TV cuts off) [MABF19] Krusty To Norway Kent Brockman, Channel 6 and Channel6.com. Will you [Krusty] be flying to Norway to accept the [Nobel Peace] prize? Krusty: I'm looking forward to visiting the Arctic circle, or as I call it, my wife's side of the bed! [NABF01] Cat Flu [Sign: Apocalypse Meow] House cat flu is coming, people! ..the center of Disinformation for Disease predicts with some degree of probability that House Cat Flu might spread in the following theoretical outbreak pattern. So petter beware, that warm body on your lap might just might be ready to destroy your tender vittles. (we see Marge with Snowball on her lap, Homer lifts Snowball with tongs and places her into a zip lock bag.) [Sign: The Purrfect Storm] Springfielders are advised to stay tuned for more information if they experience any of the following symptons: mild thirst, occassional hunger, tiredness at night... [NABF01] Burns' Burial A philanthropist. A humanitarium. A man of peace. These are among the people who've come today to spit into Montgomery Burns open grave. [NABF09] "..the Queen will be held without bail until the sample is returned from the lab." (Queen Elizabeth II shown on screen behind Kent, sporting a black eye and a tatterred dress) And now it's time for That's Kent-ertainment! [NABF10] Whiz Kid (Sign behind Kent has picture of Bart and sign "Whiz Kid") Taking pity on the boy the operators of Springfield Stadium opened the stadiums retractable roof in an attempt to dry his pants. Unfortunately the stain was picked up by Russian spy satellites and President Dmitry Medvedev has taken the pants wetting as a sign of American weakness. Russian flotilla has just entered New York Harb..(Homer shuts off the television) [NABF16] [accosting Wayne Slater as he enters SNPP] "And here he is, this weeks noble nobody. A quiet unassuming security guard, who foiled ..." [NABF16] This just in, a Ukranian man has been kidnapped by Ukranian gangsters. We received the following video. [of Homer Simpson] [NABF17] Lockdown at Springfield Elementary Kent: Dog Day After... school? This is Kent Brockman outside Springfield Elementary with the parents of lockdown leader Bart Simpson. Marge: He's not a bad boy! He had a teacher that finally got through to him and they fired him! Homer: (whose image is blocked by an image of Bart being hung from a tree) Were you covering me up? Kent: Yes, I'm afraid we are. [NABF21] Kent: We're live at the Springfield Retirement Castle where long-time resident Alice Glick died last night because of this cuddly little killer. Our Channel 6 substitute medical expert Dr. Nick Riviera had this to say... [PABF07] Preparedness Drill Kent: Good evening. It is with great sadness I inform you that America and China have declared war. A massive nuclear attack is expected to reach our shores within the hour. That's the sort of hypothetical emergency today's disaster preparedness drill is designed to get us ready for. All Springfielders should now move off their streets and inside their homes. Please avoid the superstitious panic which marked the recent lunar eclipse. [PABF09] Kent: Tag, we're it. Springfield has been hit hard by a mysterious graphitti artist and his iconic calling card. Which we have dubbed "Mr Fatso". [PABF13] Childhood Obesity Childhood obesity. It's not funny anymore! (Sign says "Sugar Rot 'Ems" with a Sugar Crisp Bear) Breakfast cereals with a surprise inside is diabetes and.. (they show an oversized squishee cup) ....soda cups the size of hot tubs have made every state Mississippi fat. [PABF14] Lady Gaga Kent Brockman reporting live from the Springfield railyards where Lady Gaga's fabulous freighter's bumped and grinded its way into town. Suffice to say this is the most culturally significant train to stop here since the McKinley funeral cortege paused to pick up casket dice. [PABF15] Ned & Edna Nedding bells are ringing! See what happens when teachy met preachy on channel 6, your source for news based puns. [PABF18] Springfield Sinkhole Springfielders are getting that sinking feeling. Heh heh heh... (Sign says "Everything And The Kitchen Sinks") As the dangerous sinkhole continues to expand. [PABF21] Springfield Grand Prix This is Kent Brockman at the first annual Springfield Grand Prix which like all our town showcase events is not only poorly planned, it's horribly executed.... Apparently today is also the Tour De Springfield bike race. [PABF21] Homer's HOPE Tree This is newsman Kent Brockman vowing I will debunk this so called miracle. The idiotic things people believe in. Now! Stay tuned for your Lucky Lotto numbers! It's *your* turn for sure! [PABF21] Homer's HOPE Tree This is Kent Brockman at the site of the so called Springfield miracle. The question is, is the HOPE tree a miracle? Most decididly not. Flying the channel 6 helicopter without official clearance and below legal levels we obtained the following footage. As you can see here a shadowy figure emerges from the darkness walks up to the tree in The Simpsons backyard and if we freeze and zoom in on the image we clearly see the figure holding a syrup bottle with which he writes the word HOPE. (Tasting the tree) Supermarket maple syrup. It was no miraculous tree of God and there IS no HOPE on Evergreen Terrace. Just a run-of-the-mill syrup spraying mystery man. We can add this to the list of Kent's closed cases. [we see sign Kent's Fashion Faux Pas] Would you please get the segment straight? [switches to Kent's K-9 Cut-Ups, then "Inside Kent's Colon", then "My Old Kent-yucky Home" (with Real Estate Rip-offs)] [RABF03] Parking Meter Scam Kent: Meter, meter, quarter cheater? A rogue parking meter has been terrorizing the streets, experts estimate the cost to tax payers north of fifty dollars. Wiggum: That's right Kent. The entire force is on the lookout for anyone with an excessive amount of change. Ou top criminologists have a theory as to what the suspect just might look like. [RABF04] Tornado Hits Springfield Kent Brockman here at death's revolving door. Police have arrived on the scene after having fled the state at the first sign of a storm. [RABF10] Easter Kent (somberly): A plague is sweeping through Springfield. (with a smile!) A Blue Bonnet plague! Springfield's ladies are wearing colorful Easter hats to celebrate the resurrection of (checks notes) Jesus Christ! Kent Brockman Shows [3G03] Before They Were Famous a McBain childhood commercial a young Charles Bronson on Andy Griffith Show Eye on Springfield [8F08] Springfield tire fire, 1966-1991 [8F08] Springfield's oldest man meets Springfield's fattest man [8F08] Elephant that never forgets.....to brush [8F08] Toast to Moe, wizard of Walnut Street Moe: "The Flaming Moe" dates back to my forefathers who were bartenders to the czar.. [9F03] Man hiccuping for 45 years [9F18] Munchskins, where are they now? [9F18] Nudist camp for animals and Whacking Day Announcer: Tonight on Eye on Springfield, the Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz. Where are they now? (They show a cemetery of gravestones) And we'll visit a nudist camp... for animals. But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, "Whacking Day". In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. After exposing Alger Hiss Honorary Grand Marshall Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss. (he accidentally repeatedly strikes person holding a snake down for him) Nixon: Is Whacking Day over? (everyone boos) Thank you. Thank you for coming out. [1F07] Hail to the Cheat, secret presidential affairs [1F14] Kill-bot Factory [2F31] Rappin' Rabbi's, Springfield voted least popular city [4F13] Two story outhouse, a comedy nurse, move over Baltimore [EABF04] Rainier Wolfcastle bankrupt; Kent Brockman: I'm here with actor Rainier Wolfcastle who has surprisingly filed for bankruptcy. Rainier, what went wrong? Rainier: Three divorces in three months. What can I say, Kent? I'm a romantic. [2F18] Kent's Kitchen Kent: Always use fresh Macaroni. If the box rattles, throw it away! [NABF05] Kent's Korrections Kent: Tonight, on Kent's Korrections. It has been brought to our attention that the word "correction" is actually spelled with a "c". We regret any confusion this may have caused. [4F19] Kent's People Frank Grimes My 2 Cents "I'm Kent Brockman, and that was `My Two Cents'" [8F04] Eenie meenie miney moe. Is Homer a hero? The answer is, `No'. [9F07] Greenhouse Effect Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded greenhouse effect? Well if 70 degree days in the middle of winter are the price of car pollution you'll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac. [9F19] Gabbo Foul Language Gabbo's kind of language has no place on or off TV. And that's my two cents. (Kent now thinks *he's* off the air) That oughta hold those S.O.B.'s. [1F05] If it feels good, do it [1F15] Where's my Elephant? [4F12] Poochie the Dog [5F03] the health of Springfield citizens is terrible Oops Patrol [EABF18] The irrepressible 100-year-old skydiver will be buried as soon as his body is found. Now it's time for the Channel 6 "Oops Patrol". One eagle eyed viewer spotted this hilarious headline: Mayor Unveils Erection to Cheering Crowd Smartline [7F09] Cartoon Violence, with Marge, Krusty, Roger Myers, Dr. Monroe: Kent: Hello. I'm Kent Brockman and welcome to another edition of Smartline. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say, "No, of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says, "Yes." And she's here with us tonight. Mrs. Marge Simpson. Also with us for this animated discussion are Roger Myers, Chairman of the Board of Itchy & Scratchy International; Myers: Thank you. Kent: Krusty the Klown, whose delightful program brings us the antics of Itchy & Scratchy "every afternoon at four" [this line missing from captions] Krusty: Hi, Kent. Kent: ..and joining us live via satellite from Vienna, The home of [Sigmund] Freud, the world's most famous psychiatrist, to give us an insight into the human mind, Dr. Marvin Monroe. Dr. Monroe: Hiya. [7F09] Michelangelo's David in Springfield; Kent: Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down? That's our topic tonight on Smartline. Now, Mrs. Simpson. why are you against this statue? Marge: I'm not. I think everyone in Springfield should see it. Kent: Wait a minute. Aren't you Marge Simpson, the wacko? Marge: Hmmm well, yes and no. [8F22] Obese people [9F15] Power Plant union strike Kent: Tonight on Smartline the power plant strike - argle-bargle or foofaraw? With us tonight is plant owner C. M. Burns, union kingpin Homer Simpson and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers. Dr. Joyce: I brought my own mike! Kent: Yes. Well. Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur. (Homer screams) My director is telling me not to talk to you anymore. Homer: Whoo-hoo! Kent: Mr. Burns, you mentioned you wanted an opening tirade. Burns: Yes, thank you Kent. Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak a terrible vengeance on this city. No one will be spared! No one! Kent: (laughing) A chilling vision to things to come. [1F09] Interview with vigilante leader, Cueball. [5F05] Springfield Angel controversy with Lisa Simpson [GABF04] Marriage Fever: Kent: A new epidemic is raging through Springfield, and this one didn't start with Krusty burger's whatcha-McCarcus sandwich. I'm talking about an outbreak of marriage fever. Reverend Simpson,.. Homer: Please, Kent, call me your holiness. Kent: Ha, ha, I can't, I just can't. Homer, have we started down a slippery slope where marriage becomes so meaningless that anyone could marry anything? Homer: Oh, Kent, not anything! It has to exist! ...or does it? Rev. Lovejoy: Well, call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage described in the bible.. Homer: If you love the Bible so much why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife.... and you're the wife! HAHAHAHAHA.. You owe me two hundred bucks. Rev. Lovejoy: Homer, your impulsive marriages are going to lead to a lot of divorces. Homer: Which will lead to a lot more impulsive marriages, which will put more green in the blue, blue being my pants. Krusty: If I may say a word... Kent: Why, we're joined live now by Krusty the Klown! Krusty; Krusty: I want to clear up a misconception about the whatchaMcCarcus sandwich. I use NON-diseased meat from diseased animals. Everyone does it! [JABF15] Homer Ice Cream and Kent %$#@&: Kent Brockman: Tonight, on Smartline, a provocative discussion on the Middle East will not be featured, instead we'll be talking to a man who bought an ice cream cone. Homer: (waving) That's me! Kent Brockman: Of course that has nothing to do with the fact that this station and the ice cream company are owned by the same corporation, but I digress. All right, let's just get through this. Kent: Mr. Simpson, tell us how felt when you bought the fateful treat. Homer: I've never been to war, but I imagine it feels like your first kill. The happiness swept me away (swings arm knocking the scalding cup of coffee off Kent's desk and onto his lap). Kent: Oww! That hurt like a *expletive deleted*. (later...) Kent: Earlier on this broadcast, I said a word so vile it should only be uttered by Satan himself while sitting on the toilet. I apologize and will make a large donation to charities that fight teen cursing. Goodnight! [KABF08] First Lady Kent: ...and the first lady has agreed to sit on the egg until it hatches. [LABF14] Burger Squared Kent: We're here at Krustyburger for the launch of the highly anticipated Burger**2 (Burger Squared). Krusty, what can you tell us about this fantastic new sandwich. Krusty: I'm glad you asked, Kent. We start with Grade A beef, feed that to other cows, then kill them and serve the unholy results on a seven grain bun. Burgers squared! ..(cuts away to OFF talking) Kent: And now this lucky reporter will be the first human to sample this delicious crime against nature. (Takes a bite). Juicy. Flavorful. With just a hint of.. arggg.. (turns into a zombie) [5F07] Dateline Kent Brockman A creature was stirring, what he was stirring was "up trouble" [5F10] Kent Brockman the Clown "Today's top joke, it seems a local moron threw his clock out the window..." [5F15] Kent Cares emotional story on an old carousel [5F11] A.M. Springfield "Meet a real life Noah, accused of killing 2 of every animal [4F24] Editorial Reply Lisa urges everyone to read and not waste their brain [CABF11] Brockman Report The safe baby craze: It's sweeping Springfield [GABF10] Stormwatch Professor Frink, what's the scientific explanation for this unusually severe thunderstorm? Frink: Well Kent, we are exploring two theories at this point, A, either we have a supercell of high pressure fronts, or B, God is bowling!, with the balls, and the pins, and the rental shoes, and the very bad cheese pizza that comes in squares. Kent: Krusty! What's your lighthearted take on our recent bad weather? Krusty: Sorry, Kent. I sold all my bad weather jokes to Jay Moore, but I can make funny sounds in your microphone. Kent: (resigned) Fine. (after sounds) There you have it. [HABF22] Kentristing People I'm here with local sculptress Marge Simpson who works in, of all media, Popsicle sticks. Our viewers want to know two things. Why and how come? Scott Christian Laugh and a Half [8F04] There was more dumb luck in the news today when our own Police Chief Wiggum foiled a bank holdup without even trying. It seems the chief had gone to the bank to cash in his penny jar... Yes, it seems the chief pulled a Homer Simpson of his own. Jon Stewart - The Daily Show [KABF03] Jon Stewart: (The Daily Show Truck behind him) This is Jon Stewart reporting from Springfield. (To those standing around him) Do I need to say my name? People know me, right? I know this is just cable. You know, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to (take a deep breath and exhales); Great. Now I'm worried. Head Butt with Nash Castor [KABF03] Our top story - President Ralph Wiggum? Two days ago this bed wetter made a splash in the Springfield primary. With the remaining 49 primaries scheduled for next Tuesday, can Ralph go from Sesame Street to Pennsylvania Avenue? Other News [9F04] News announcer: ...and in environmental news scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly. Johnny Carson's Tonight Show [8F02] "Geraldo Rivera, Madonna, and a diseased Yak" [8F06] "I just heard Milli Vanni was arrested for impersonating a McNugget" "well, its true" [9F08] "The coast guard arrested Boy George for scraping barnacles off his dingy" [9F21] "Gilligan, the skipper, and Chief Wiggum? Name three castaways" TELEVISION MOVIES [7F01] Movie for a Dreary Afternoon [7F03] Million dollar Movies.....Gorilla Week - Gorilla the Conqueror [8F03] Blood on the Blackboard: the Bart Simpson Story Starring Richard Chamberlain as Principal Skinner, Joe Montegna as Fat Tony, Jane Seymour as the woman he loved, and TV's Doogie Howser, Neil Patrick Harris, as Bart Simpson! [8F05] Hercules vs. the Martians [Academy Award Playhouse] [8F16] Two for Tunisia [Colorization Theater] [9F03] Star Trek XII: So Very Tired [1F02] School of Hard Knockers starring Cory Masterson [2F06] Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass Grabber starring Dennis Franz [2F07] THOU$AND DOLLAR MOVIE: Great Frisco Freakout Narrator: We now return to the 1971 film Good Times Slim Uncle Doobie and the Great Frisco Freakout starring Troy McCure Dude 1: Dude, If we have the bag with the stolen diamonds, then what happened to the bag with our stash? Troy: There's more than one way to get high, baby. [3F14] Movie For A Rained-Out Ballgame: The Muppets Go Medieval Announcer: "Movie For A Rained-Out Ballgame" now returns to Dyan Cannon, Troy McClure, and the Muppets in the 1977 film: "The Muppets Go Medieval". Troy: Oh Princess Fair, wilst thou grant me thine dainty hoof in marriage? Piggy: Oh, Sir Lies-A-Lot, I will! [they kiss each other] Troy: [purrs] Kermit: [in armor, wielding a sword] Unhand the swine, you swain! Come, Piggy, back to Hamelot. Piggy: Heck no, frog. Me and Iron Pants are just getting acquinted. [3G02] The Krusty the Klown [sic] Story Booze, drugs, guns, lies, blackmail, and laughter Starring Fivish Finkle as Krusty the Clown. (we see the Betty Ford Center, then the Clown Detox Wing) Krusty: I went through a five year orgy of non-stop pills, and booze, with nothing to show for it but four Emmy's and a Peabody award. (moans) Krusty: John Ho? You mother Mia and I are getting a divorce. Chin Ho: John Ho is over there. I am Chin Ho. Krusty: Whoever you are, just pass it along, kid. [3G04] Blackula [Exploitation Theater] [3G04] Blackenstein [Exploitation Theater] [3G04] the Blunchblack of Blotre Blame [Exploitation Theater] [4F17] Col. Dracula Joins the Navy [5F13] The Return of the Pink Panther Returns [5F24] Paint Your Wagon, a musical western [AABF01] How Dracula got his Groove Back [AABF04] Gorilla Squadron [AABF04] Gorilla Island VI [AABF04] Apes-a-Poppin' [AABF05] Roger Corman's 'Titanic' [Thousand Dollar Movie] [AABF17] The Postman [DABF02] The Planet From Outer Space [Rain Delay Theatre] [DABF18] Frankenstein movie with Humphrey Bogart [EABF04] LifeTime Channel Movie: The Woman Who Died in Her Home [EABF07] [Elvira look-alike] Welcome to Matinee of Blood and Commercials. I am your hostess Booberella. [EABF07] Frankenstein and the Harlem Globetrotters meet the Mummy and the Washington Generals [1983 movie] [EABF09] The Three Stooges in Brittle Boneheads by Jules White III [EABF15] Editor-in-Chimp [EABF15] Buttercups of Autumn [FABF02] Prunes [FABF02] The Year Santa Got Lost Starring Jimmy Stewart as the voice of Mr. Mailman [FABF02] Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol [FABF20] Blacula Meets Black Dracula [GABF06] Son of Satan (Elvira announces "we now return to..") [JABF07] Ain't No Mountain: A Blind Man Climbs Everest, A Declan Desmond Documentary. [JABF19] Announcer: We return to "A Kiss Before Frying" on Couch Potato Theatre [KABF01] Sophie's Choice [KABF01] Schindler's List [LABF14] Springfield: The Zombie Years: On the Historical Channel (Billboard) [LABF15] Highbrow Academy (with Rodney Dangerfield as a student) [NABF06] Announcer: Coming up next, on World of War, Hitler and Eva Braun; crazy in love. Moe: Even you let me down Hitler. [Moe changes the channel] Dr. Kissingher: Hey you! Spending Valentine's Day by yourself? Moe: Huhzah? Dr. Kissinger: If you're watching this alone, you're love life is like Sister Act III; no whoopee. [PABF19] Announcer: We now return to AFI presents The One Hundred Greatest Movie Screams: Teen Wolf II, Scream III TV PROGRAMS "This is the largest TV in the free world."   - Montgomery Burns, Last Exit to Springfield [7G01] America's Most Armed and Dangerous [7G04] All * Star Boxing [7G07] Jebediah Springfield Documentary [7G08] The Happy Little Elves Elf Moldy Elf County Elf Bubbles Elf Brainy [7G12] Side Show Bob's Cavalcade of Whimsy [7F02] Grade School Challenge The capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler? Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white and what? [7F06] World Class Wrestling [7F07] Macy's Thanksgiving Parade featuring KBBL's Bill and Marty [7F13] Make your own Band Aids [7F13] The bout' to knock the other guy out [7F13] Broadcast Nudes [7F23] Canadian Football League 15th round Draft [8F04] Search for the Sun [8F04] Wheel of Fortune [8F06] The Dawn of Man [8F06] Fantasy Island "the plane! the plane!" "no my freakish friend, that's a seagull" [8F07], [9F20] I Can't Believe They Invented It (Infomercial) [8F11] Casey Casem's Countdown, Funky C Funky Do new #1 [8F12] Smooth Jimmy Apollo's Football Pics [8F12] NFL Preview--"Shoe in of the week" [8F12] Gamble-tron 2000 Football Predictions [8F18] the Miss American Girl Pageant [8F19] Ya Hoo! [8F20] Dinosaurs "..don't have a stegosaurus man..." [8F20] MacGyver [8F24] Sadrudin Mabaradad's Yoga Party Guru: Just let your head flop back and forth, your neck is a well cooked piece of asparagus.. [8F24] President Clown Lisa, to Krusty: Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom "President Clown"? [9F01] Three Stooges Woman: You must be the three chiropractors I sent for. Now, start manipulating my spine. Curly: Hey, Moe, we don't know anything about manipulatin'. Moe: You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get crackin'. [9F01] Municipal Roundtable Well, let's define our terms, ladies and gentlemen. Are we talking about redistricting or are we talking about reapportionment? [9F01] Football Oh, doctor. A 98-yard triple reverse ties the score at 63-63. We have seen nothing but razzle-dazzle here today. Three visits from Morganna the Kissing Bandit and the astonishing return of Jim Brown. [9F03] the Master Craftsman, he can make 3 mailboxes an hour [9F06] Hunks Emcee: Okay, Ron, which one of our girls said the following about you; "He looked so sexy, I hoped we would have sex"? Ron: Well, that's a tough one, 'cause I did the deed with Uta, Candy and Shasta. Girl: Its true all right! Ron: But I'm gonna have to go with Shasta 'cause she liked makin' bacon on the beach. [9F07] Carnival of the Stars Troy: Live from Hawai‘i's beautiful Molokai Island We're not just for lepers anymore It's Carnival of the Stars! I'm your host, Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Erotic Adventures of Hercules and Dial "M" for Murderousness. Tonight we'll see Angela Lansbury walk on hot coals. Excitement, she wrote. But first, a man whose inspiring battle with Percodan addiction is soon to be a movie of the week - Krusty the Clown! Krusty: I'll be played by Jimmy Swits! Troy: Now he faces his toughest audience - three Siberian tigers. Krusty: Simba, on the ball! (all three attack him) Ahhhh! Not the face! [9F07] Leave it to Beaver (Homer pretends he's Tony Plow to repo men) [9F08] The Lucy Show (Homer confusing real life with The Lucy Show) [9F08] Mama's Family [9F08] 23rd Olympiad [9F09] Cops in Springfield (to tune of "Bad Cops") [9F09] People Who Look Like Things [9F10] Springfield Heights, 90210 [9F12] Football Announcer: After 16 glorious seasons The Green Bay faithful bid farewell to Bryan Bartlett Starr. [9F12] Wheel of Fortune [9F12] Tuesday Night Live Krusty: Hello, New York! When Lorne asked me to do this show I said, "Lorne, why me?" I mean, I did just star in my first movie with Marvin Hagler and Tova Borgnine. Yeah! Anyway, we got a great show for you. Well, actually, that last half hour's a real garbage dump. We'll be right back. (later) Announcer: And now it's time for another episode of The Big Ear Family! Krusty: Honey, I'm home! Oh, I got wax in my ears. Better clean 'em. (dejectedly..) This goes on for 12 more minutes. [9F12] Ren and Stimpy [9F13] Krusty the Clown Krusty: Don't forget to watch my 29th anniversary show - featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel whacked out on wowee sauce... (clip) Sideshow Mel (to Krusty): Everyone's always kissing your ass. Well, I'm not afraid to tell you you're a [Bleep] [9F13] Krusty the Clown Krusty: Hey boys and girls. Only four days till my anniversary show. Twenty-nine years. And when I came on, they said I wouldn't last a week. And you know where those reviewers are? All dead! How you doin' down there fellas? Huh? Huh? Anyway, here's a clip. (clip) (We see Krusty with a monkey on this head interviewing an animal handler) Krusty: Now why do they call this a urine monkey? Oohhh. Just found out. [9F15] Professional Wrestling Announcer: Now stay tuned for professional wrestling live from the Springfield Grapplarium. Tonight, a Texas death match - Dr. Hillbilly vs. The Iron Yuppie! One man will actually be unmasked and killed in the ring! [9F16] Cooking With Krusty Krusty: Mmm. Delicious! Cook: Now Krusty, I hear it's your birthday, so I got your mother's recipe for matzoh brie. Krusty: Hey, I don't do the Jewish stuff on the air. Cook: But Hershel, bubbeleh- Krusty: Ix-nay on the ew-Jay. Roll the cartoon. [9F16] Happy Days [9F19] The Springfield Squares Announcer: Live from the Springfield Harbor where the sewage meets the sand it's The Springfield Squares! Emcee Kent: Now, Jacqueline, I believe it's your turn. Jacqueline: I'll take Ranier Wolfcastle to block. Kent: Ah, Ranier Wolfcastle star of McBain and the upcoming film Help, My Son is a Nerd! Ranier: My son returns from a fancy East Coast college and I'm horrified to find he's a nerd. Kent: I'm laughing already! Ranier: It's not a comedy. Kent: Oh. Coast Guard: Attention! This is the Coast Guard! A 50-foot tidal wave is heading this way. All game shows off the beach! [9F19] Krusty the Clown Krusty: So, you want ventriloquism, do ya? All right, watch this. Hello, Alphonse (to dummy on his lap). I've got a riddle for you. Why is a raven like a writing desk? Alphonse: I don't know. Why is a -- (his mouth falls off) (kids scream) Krusty: Hey, the dummy can't hurt you. He's not even alive. He's dead. (knocks on him to show he's dead and his head caves in, kids scream again) [9F19] Krusty the Clown Krusty: All right, here's the deal. Every time you watch my show I will send you $40! Announcer: Checks will not be honored. [9F19] the Gabbo Show [9F19] Worker and Parasite cartoon [9F19] Krusty attempts to get a part on Melrose Place [9F20] Emergency Announcement From the Mayor And now for an emergency announcement from the mayor. Quimby: People of Springfield, because of the epidemic I have canceled my vacation to the Bahamas. I shall not leave the city. Hey you, get that steel drum out of uh, the mayor's office. Bahamanian: Sorry, mon. [9F20] Married With Children Al: Hey Peg, You gotta take better care of the house. These plants are all lifeless and limp. Peg: Maybe they'd feel more at home in the bedroom, Al. [9F20] Homer: But I'll miss Sheriff Lobo. [9F20] Mod Squad [9F21] the Joan Rivers Show [1F01] Barney, 2 + 2 is 4 [1F01] Soul Mass Transit System [1F03] Edward the Penitent [1F05] McGarnigle "Your off the Case McGarnigle" [1F11] Conan O'Brian Show [1F11] Matchgame 2034 [1F19] McGarnigle "Billy is Dead" [1F19] the dog from Frazier rides the dolphin from Seaquest [1F22] We see a melted MASH cast at the Springfield Wax Museum [2F02] Springfield Mayoral Debates, hosted by Larry King [2F06] Rock Bottom [2F06] Gentle Ben [2F06] the Sally talk show [2F06] David Letterman show [2F06] Evening at the Improv [2F08] Marge repeatedly dreams she's the mother from Lost in Space [2F10] Knightboat vs. the Starfish Poachers Announcer: We now return to Knightboat: The Crime-solving Boat. Michael: Faster, Knightboat. We've gotta catch those starfish poachers. Knightboat: You don't have to yell, Michael. I'm all around you. Oh no, they're headed for land. Michael: We'll never catch them now. Knightboat: Incorrect. Look, a canal. [2F18] Models Inc. [2F16], [2F20] Pardon My Zinger [2F21] Cops Show, disturbance at the Skinner residence [2F31] Coming Attractions examines Death Wish IX, "I wish I was dead" [3F01] My Three Sons Flanders: I use to let the boys watch My Three Sons but it got tham all worked up before bedtime. [3F01] Search for the Sun Southern Belle: According to Daddy's will, I inherit the entire plantation. Man: I'll see to it that you don't get apricot one. [3F06] Melrose Place [3F07] It's a Krusty kinda Kristmas! [3F09] Grand Nationals of Sand Castle Building Preview [3F12] Mad About You (advertisement on bus) Are You Missing Mad About You Right Now? NBC -- Must See TV Sundays at 8 [3F16] I'm an Amendment to Be [I'm just a Bill parody] [3F22] Baywatch [3G02] Twin Peaks Man: That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie. (we see a man dancing with a horse, crescent moon in background, stoplight hanging from a tree.) [4F03] Tatum vs. Simpson: Payback [4F24] When Building Collapse [4F24] When Surgery goes Wrong [5F05] Springfield's Dumbest Criminals [5F10] Spanish Soap Opera [5F15] Bart's People [5F15] The Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Chocobot Hour [5F22] When Disaster Strikes 4 [AABF01] World's Deadliest Executions [AABF01] the Jerry Springer Show [AABF03] Seaweed Shark Documentary [AABF04] Inside the Actor's Studio with F. Murray Abraham [AABF04] Sumo Babies [200th episode] [AABF07] Don't Go There [sitcom] [AABF07] Tele-Tubbies [AABF07] Talk to the Hand [starring David Faustino] [AABF08] a Superbowl show [bi-weekly] [AABF09] America's Funniest Tornados [AABF09] All in the Family [AABF09] The Laughter Family [animated show] [AABF09] Admiral Baby [AABF09] Police Cops [AABF12] When Animals Attack Magicians [AABF15] Toolin' Around [AABF17] Cash in Your Legacy [AABF18] Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644! [AABF18] Princess Di's Funeral [AABF20] Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show [CABF10] Me Wantee ["America's favorite game show!"] [CABF11] ..the Estrogen Network presents: Afternoon Yak [CABF12] Great Moments in Olympic History [CABF16] Kids Say the Darndest Things [with Bill Cosby] [CABF22] Wrestling "Dr. Bonebreak & Rumblina" [DABF01] First Date [DABF04] Nookie in New York [DABF05] Afternoon Yak [DABF06] Curling for Loonies [DABF07] Documentary on the homeless [DABF07] McTrigger [DABF13] When Dinosaurs Get Drunk [DABF13] The Boring World of Niels Bohr [DABF16] Frame Up! [DABF18] Batman [DABF18] Bewitched [DABF20] Animal Survivor [DABF20] Touch the Stove [DABF20] Japanese Friends [DABF20] Who Wants to Marry an Internet Billionaire [DABF20] Robot Rumble [DABF21] The 1895 Challenge [DABF21] Law & Order Elevator Inspectors Unit [DABF22] MTC - Monkey Trauma Center [DABF22] Taxicab Conversations [EABF01] That 30's Show [EABF02] Wrestling; Announcer: I can't believe it! Uncle Slam has defeated Uncle Bin Rotten. Wow! Here comes Secretary of Hate, Colin Kapow! He's dropping sanctions... by which I mean anvils! [EABF03] PADZ - "..where we go inside the mansions of today's hot young celebrities!" [EABF05] Perfect Strangers [EABF06] And now... Ken Burns.. A Documentary by Ken Burns.. about the life of Ken Burns [EABF06] Monkey Olympics [on Fox!] [EABF09] Fox News Election Coverage; Welcome to Fox News. Your Voice for Evil. Tonight we'll be interviewing the top two candidates for Springfield's 24th congressional district. For the Republicans? Beloved children's entertainer, Krusty the Clown. And for the Democrats, this guy. [Democratic candidate appears with on-screen devil's horns, communist flag in background] Candidate: I have a name! Fox: Yes, I'm sure you do, comrade. I appreciate your being here, you're [switches to split shot of both candidates, and Krusty has an on-screen halo] usually so mired in sleaze it must be an effort to come down to the studio. Krusty: May I say something? Fox: Certainly congressman. [switches to split shot of both candidates, and other guy is now upside down] Candidate: He hasn't won yet!! Fox: You make a very adulterous point! We will now conclude this debate with a Krusty campaign commercial.. [EABF14] Live With Regis and Kelly [EABF15] South Park [EABF15] Good Heavens [on PAX-TV] [EABF17] The Beverly Hillbillies Down Under [EABF19] The Price is Right [EABF22] Damn [FABF01] The Homer Simpson Show [with Moe Szyslak, Carl and Lenny Leonard] [FABF02] We see Urkel in a parody of Christmas Carol [FABF02] Star Trek doing a parody of Christmas Carol [FABF03] The Gator Baiter [FABF03] Dollhouse Do-Overs Malibu Stacy wants a craft room. And Malibu Hen needs a closet for all his beach thongs. They'll get help from designer Jeremy on... [FABF03] Who will Marry a Million Bears "Bobby, I got propane in my urethra." [FABF03] Roofi [FABF04] Robot Rumble "Are You Machine Enough?" [FABF07] The Museum of Television and TV Wheezy from The Jeffersons (and episode closes with theme from The Jeffersons) Paul Lynde, Helen Reddy, Hudson Brothers Easter Special Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched Mr. Roper from Three's Company Milhouse rides wheelchair from Ironside Milhouse knocks down Lancelot Link the monkey from Lancelot Link/Secret Chimp Milhouse knocks down the Lost in Space robot The K.I.T.T. car from Knight Rider Salam the black cat on "Sabrina, The Teen-Aged Witch." Mr. Ed the horse from Mr. Ed Milhouse: Let's go switch the heads on the Cosby kids Jethro and Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies [FABF15] Promiscuous Idiots Island "Welcome back to Promiscuous Idiots Island on Fox, the home of promiscuous idiots" [FABF15] Robot Rumble on the Testosterone Network [FABF17] Head Butt With Nash Castor [FABF19] Next on ABC, "Who's dropping by to see George Lopez" - we pray it's you! [FABF22] The Talbot Report [GABF02] Jock Center: Welcome to Jock Center. Tonight the clipper and the stripper, a Jones that's chipper and did Joe Torre shoot flipper? (Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, Chipper Jones and Joe Torre) But first professional sports continues its downward march into the gutter. Thanks to professional jerk-ass Homer Simpson athletes are now taunting and boasting just to get on our highlight reel. Disgusting. Now, here's our highlight reel! [GABF02] Super Bowl: Announcer: The Super Bowl halftime show. From its humble origins in Super Bowl I... (we see a lone tuba on the field) ...to the marriage of PacMan and Ms. PacMan in Super Bowl XVI... Priest: I now pronounce you PacMan and wife. (we see PacMan, Ms. PacMan and the four ghosts, who then dance to "Let's Get Phsyical") [GABF03] Shows seen when SLH swallows the remote: Football (Announcer: "...and with time running out the Seminoles are on the warpath! Here's the play that will determine the game..) (channel switches) Stay tuned for Sitcom Sunday (channel changes) Rueda De Fortuna! [Wheel of Fortune] (channel changes) Announcer: We return to Mel Gibson's The Salad of the Christ on Christian Carrot Theatre (channel changes) Itchy & Scratchy (channel changes) Tornado seen (channel changes) Golfing (channel changes) Rapster with two bikini ladies "Hip-Hoppenings" [GABF04] Soft News Network: So, kitchen wizard, I understand you have a book coming out. Yes, it's about Winston Churchill's life during wars. Up next on the Soft News Network, let's hear from our own wide eyed wanderer, Howell Huser. Howell Huser: I've ambled and rambled across this country and never found a town I didn't like - until now. And the name of that town is Springfield. I was attacked, humiliated, and fed misleading gum. I give Springfield the lowest rating I've ever given a city - a 6 out of 10. [GABF04] Beverly Hillbillies (on a Mrs. Hathaway poster) [GABF07] Wifetime TV Presents: From Homemaker to Homeless Brenda: Oh, Roger, I just love our present lifestyle. Roger: Don't thank me. Thank our many debts and obligations. Brenda: Honey... stop kidding around. Honey?! Aaahhhhhhhh! Laywer: Brenda, I'm afraid your husband had no insurance. Brenda: Well, how will I feed my family? Lawyer: You should have thought of that before you had children with a dead man. Friend 1: Brenda! Friend 2: Where's your wealth? Brenda: Gone! Along with my sanity! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! But I'm still pretty, right? Right? Narrator: The real Brenda later went to Harvard Medical School.. as a cadaver. [GABF14] Krusty The Klown's Celebrity Salute to Specials [GABF15] Celebrity Chop Shop [GABF15] TV Shark Week Marge: We don't have a sitter for Maggie. Homer: She'll be fine under the watchful eye of grandma Shark Week. Marge: A TV shark is not a baby-sitter! [GABF16] Bonanza [GABF16] Sesame Street [GABF17] The World Series: Announcer: We're here in game six of the World Series, the highlight so far a cloud shaped like a giraffe that floated by during the rain delay. Oh! Would you look at that! The batter just called time out again! Now let's look at the stands at the players' wives. Well, what do you know, they're talking on cell phones. No doubt complaining about the good life. Kang: This is the most boring game in all the universe! Announcer: ..and next week on FOX catch the OC spin-off Pomona. It's even hotter away from the beach! [GABF17] "Baked in a Pie" Tuesdays on Fox [GABF18] Football: Announcer: We got a real nail biter here in mile high stadium, the Broncos down by one and 30 seconds left on the clock. Homer: Come on, Broncos, you can do it! Announcer: And I'm joined in the broadcast booth by the stars of ABC's latest reality show Billionaire vs. Bear. Let's review the easy to follow rules of your show. Each of you thought you were in a race to plant the Taco Bell flag at the North Pole. What you didn't know was the race was a chase. Spiced up by the presence of 'The big traitor?' Well now, the bear has a surprise for you. He's not really a bear, he's a tiger! Ho, look at there, Denver just won the ballgame! Screen: FINAL SCORE  Broncos - 19  Seahawks - 14 [GABF18] Billionaire vs. Bear (Promo during football game) [GABF18] Football: Announcer: "...and with 30 seconds starting players out with the flu the Oakland Raiders have turned to drunks conscripted from local bars. [GABF19] The OC on FOX [GABF22] Has-Been Celebrity Poker [GABF22] Fox Sports West II - Classic Sports [HABF01] Energizer Bunny Christmas Special [HABF02] Diversity Tales [HABF03] The Bully Corner [HABF07] Los Voces Latinos [HABF09] Boobs [HABF09] Jock Center [HABF09] 48 Minutes [HABF14] Matinee of Blood and Commercials (with Boobarella aka Elvira) [HABF16] Hunch [HABF22] Opal: Welcome back. Today we're celebrating women who didn't waste their lives being mommies. [JABF07] Growing Up Springfield [MOVIE1] Access Hollywood [JABF15] The 700 Club (Ned reviews tape and places tape on "nice" pile) [JABF15] Smallville (Ned Flanders reviews for questionable content.) [JABF15] 60 Minutes (Ned Flanders reviews for questionable content.) [JABF15] The L-Word (Ned Flanders reviews for questionable content) [JABF15] Fox News: This is Fox News with the latest liberal outrage! It seems liberals want to give NASA the right to abort space missions whenever they feel like it! (interrupted) Liberals hate families. [JABF17] The Opal Show [KABF01] Now Playing on Tivo [KABF01] Afternoon Yak [KABF01] Snuggle and the City [KABF01] The Dog Talk-To-Er [KABF01] Pimp My Laundry Room [KABF01] Opal [KABF01] Lost [KABF01] Rome [KABF01] Two and a Half Men [KABF04] Music News Special Report (a la MTV) Announcer: Rumours swirl about an out of control narcotics addiction This is Kurt Louter reporting from The '90s. [KABF07] Captain Kiddies Comfort Carnival: The Happy Little Elves [KABF08] Miami Vice (imitated, name not stated) Murdered woman in blood lying near a pool, palm trees in background, two detectives kneeling by; Detective 1: ...but I don't understand. How could he have murdered his wife if he was making a phone call 3,000 miles away? Detective 2: Well maybe he reached out... and killed someone. Bart: I saw this. He trained his dog to do it. [KABF08] ET Anchor: Up next, which former Friends star is speaking out against adult illiteracy. Bart: It's Lisa Kudrow. [KABF08] Friends (just referenced, see above!)) [KABF08] The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody [KABF10] Trans-Clown-O-Morphs (parody of Transformers) [KABF10] Golf Justin Leonard lines up the putt. This is for par, and a share of sixth place. [KABF12] The Epsy Awards Announcer: Welcome back to the Espy Awards. Our next presenters are Lance Armstrong and Fonzie Bear. Fonzie: Waka-waka-waka! Lance: That's right Fonzie. This years Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to... Fonzie: Hey Lance, nice trousers. Did you win those at the Tour-de-Pants? Waka-waka! Lance: Yeah, well, I never thought you were funny. Ever. (Yanks puppet off hand) Puppeteers hand: Waka-waka. Waka-waka? Lance: Anyway, The Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to.. [KABF13] Springfield Showbiz Awards Announcer: Welcome to the 38th annual Springfield Showbiz Awards. There are more stars here tonight than you can see in the sky, thanks to light pollution. Here comes the magnificiously mammaried mistress of midnight movie mayhem Boobarella. The twins look happy tonight! And what do we (have) here, its ventriloquist Arthur Kredall and his walnut wingman Gabbo! Gabbo, to photographers: Get a job, parasites! (laughs) Announcer: We now come to our final award, Entertainer of The Year. An award so prestigious, that it recently won the Award of the Year Award at the 2007 Awardee Awards. This years nominees are an eclectic group,... [KABF13] Are You Fatter Than a Fat Guy? [KABF13] The Lisa Show [KABF13] Last Gasp With Krusty the Clown! [LABF06] Hockey game: Springfield Isotopes vs. Utica Mohawks at Utica's Kill-Kwik Rat Poison Arena [LABF06] Picking the Perfect Apple [LABF12] The Drowningest Catch Announcer: Coming up, on The Drowningest Catch.. (they show two men falling overboard..) [LABF16] General Hospital Moe: There sure is a lot of talking for a professional fight. Lenny: That's what you get when fight a woman. Carl: Yap, yap, yap. Lenny: And they spend all day eating bonbons and watching General Hospital. Which by the way has never been better (takes a bonbon). [LABF17] Grey's Anatomy Ned: I found out Rod watched a commerical for Grey's Anatomy... [MABF01] Under the Wrapper Huell: Hello everybody, welcome to Under the Wrapper where I, Huell Howser apply the art of detection, to your favorite confections. Now here's some opening titles to sweeten the deal. (opening title sequence) Now we've seen how cookies crumble and soda gets its pop so lets take a close-up look at America's favorite drop! The gum drop. Candy Executive: Every gum drop is made of a succulent substance called gelatin. Huell: Amazing! Candy Executive: Gelatin comes from the skin, bones and hooves of only the sickest horses. (They show a factory full of horses and lot's of machinery to slice, dice and mutilate them) Huell: That's amazing! [MABF01] 62nd Annual Creative Arts Emmy Awards [MABF03] Madmen [MABF05] The Real Wives of Shelbyville Announcer: We now return to The Real Wives of Shelbyville. Brunette Rosemary: Angelo stood me up on date night so I showed him. I had one of my boobs reduced. Blonde: You're one smart cookie Rosemary. That left boob was too good for him. [MABF12] The American Oafs [MABF21] The Tonight Show [MABF21] The Today Show [MABF21] Match Game P.M. with Brett Somers, Krusty, Charles Nelson Reilly, David Doyle, Debralee Scott, Richard Dawson [MABF21] The Electric Company [MABF21] Real Housewives of Atlanta [NABF05] Sheriff Wholesome [NABF05] Black President [NABF05] Failed Geena Davis Sitcom 1986 [NABF05] The Voiceover Years [NABF05] Hannigan, M.F.A. [NABF05] Thicker Than Waters [Theme song} Cherish that family smile Picket fence days don't last forever The future is coming up Mom and Dad and kids are precious Created By Sheldon Leavitt - Executive Story Editor: David Chase [NABF05] UpscAlien In Da House [NABF05] I Lost Lucy [NABF05] E-True Hollywood Story: Thicker Than Waters [NABF05] Inside the Actor's Studio [NABF16] Master Chef Extreme Snack Edition [NABF22] Sitting with Dinosaurs [PABF02] Museum of Television Homer: Where will people find clips of old tv shows if they're not housed in a giant building? Thicker Than Waters Nookie in New York Up Late With McBain McGarnigale Search For The Sun The Three Stooges UpscAlien in da House King of the Hill Sheriff Baby Dallas The Beverly Hillbillies The Adventures of Fatso Flanagan [PABF02] Boardwalk Vampire [PABF02] The Wire [PABF02] Sex Over Sixty [PABF03] Head Butt with Nash Castor   News crawl: ..will be impeached... Gingrich looks forward to win, fourth wife... Rick Perry mistakenly signs order to execute himself... Obama calls Mulligan on first term... Europe puts Greece on eBay... Satan tweets support for Santorum... Romney changes position on phoniness... Steve Jobs unveils iGHost... Congress postpones end of world to 2013... Derek Jeter, George Clooney divide up world's women... Biden to Republican candidates: "Compared to you, me am smart"... [PABF03] Gut Check with Homer Simpson [PABF03] Access Hollywood [PABF06] Mythcrackers (parody of Mythbusters) [PABF06] A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway [PABF11] Thicker Than Waters ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF11] Admiral Baby ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF11] Alaska Nebraska ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF11] Ice Road Joggers ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF11] Keeping Up With the Krustofskys ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF11] The Chimpsons ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF11] Stranded ("Select A Show" on a treadmill exercise machine) [PABF17] Thursday Night Football [PABF19] Jeopardy "..and now it's time for final Jeopardy. The catagory is..." [RABF01] Mannix (in Grampa flashback) [RABF05] Animal World Channel [RABF05] Ice-Road Hand Fishing [RABF06] Swamp Huffers [RABF06] American Tattoo Burner-Offers [RABF06] Autopsy Wars [RABF06] Cockroach-Tervention [RABF06] Wheelchair Thieves of Beverly Hills [RABF06] Porn Hoarders [RABF06] One Big Happy Hobo Taxidermy Family [RABF06] Roadkill Cook-Off [RABF06] Everglades Gay Wedding Chapel [RABF06] Cough Syrup Bandits [RABF06] American Junk Piercers [RABF06] Skunk People [RABF06] Tiny-Horses, Tiny Glue Factory [RABF06] Toddlers and Tarantulas [RABF06] Meth Boss [RABF06] Crocodile Matchmaker [RABF06] Porn Hoarders Texas [RABF06] Storage Battles [RABF12] America's Most Tattooed Baby [RABF14] Women's Tennis Announcer: It's been a brilliant day of Women's Tennis, with Petrokova narrowly edging Naroshikova. We take you now to doubles action between Pavlyuchenkeka - Vilnikova and Strakova - Mishtnupetrateva. [RABF14] Ki-Ya Karate Monsters Announcer: From a Shaolin Monastery in darkest Transylvania come helpful house mom with homicidal they rampage for peace.. KI-YA! [RABF14] Planet Jackson and the Earth Brigade [RABF17] Upton Rectory on PBC [Parody of Downton Abbey on PBS] Lord Upton, Dowager Grahamma Polly the maid, Buxton the scheming larder keep Marge: Why can't Lady Cavendish see he's pilfering the aspic? COMMERCIALS [7G03] Duff Beer [7G04] Dr. Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy Center [7F01] Vote C. Montgomery Burns [7F02] Dimoxinil Hair treatment; I used to think that losing my hair was as inevitable as the tides. Then I found out about Dimoxinil, the new miracle breakthrough in hair regrowth. The odds are Dimoxinil can help me grow as much or as little hair as I want to. Hey, today I'm gonna do it. For your free brochure, send $5.00 to: Dimoxinil, 485 Hair Plaza, Hair City, Utah [7F06] Springfield Speedway, Truckasaurus [7F09] 67 tools in one! It's a tool that every home handyman needs. It's a jigsaw. It's a power drill. It's a wood-turning lathe. It's an asphalt spreader. Its 67 tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this? Homer: One thousand dollars! Announcer: Oh don't answer yet. Because you also get... [Marge changes channel] [7F23] Springfield Martial Arts Academy Hello, I am Akira. Huahh!! That didn't hurt very much because I know the ancient art of karate. Karate focuses the mind and gives one self-confidence. People from all walks of life: Doctors.. Hi-Yaah! Homemakers.. Hu-yaah! Landscape architects.. Hu-yaah! Choreographers...Haww. High karate at low, low prices. Washington's Birthday Sale! $10 a Lesson. Washington: I cannot tell a lie. This is a great deal. Hohh! Springfield Martial Arts Academy, Springfield Mall, Next to Shakespeare's Fried Chicken [8F07] Duff Beer Commercial [8F11] Super Star Celebrity Microphone Hey kids, why sit in front of the TV when you can be on the radio? [8F12] Coach's Hotline 1-909-win-bigg [8F12] Duff vs. Duff Dry Bowl [8F17] State Lottery [8F24] Kamp Krusty [9F02] Little Miss Springfield Pageant Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee! (Father tossing daughter in the air) Father: I guess every father thinks his daughter is the cutest. Jack Larson: Well now there's a way to prove it. Father: Wow, president of Laramie Cigarettes, Jack Larson! Jack Larson: This year, Laramie is sponsoring the Little Miss Springfield Pageant. You see, government regulations prohibit us from advertising on TV. [Inhales a cigarette and exhales] Ahh.... That sweet Caroline smoke. But they can't prohibit us from holding a beauty pageant for little girls age seven to nine. Your daughter could be crowned Little Miss Springfield by our host the maitre'd of glee, Krust the Clown! Krusty, monotone: I heartily endorse this event or product. Winning girl: What a feeling! I'm as happy as a smoker taking that first puff in the morning. Announcer: The Little Miss Springfield Pageant. Only $250 to enter. [9F06] Frying Dutchman Captain McAllister: Ahoy, Matees! Had your fill of tacos? Would ye sooner eat a bilge rat than another burger? Then come for all-you-can-eat seafood at The Frying Dutchman! Is it more ice tea ye be needing? Diner: Okay. Set sail for the Frying Dutchman! [9F07] Sea Chanteys Ninety Sea Chanteys on three compact discs Act Now and get a bonus CD. Hornpipe Fever. Blow the Man Down What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor Dead Man's Chest Asleep in the Deep Row Row Row Your Boat The Flogging Song Love Theme from Das Boat [sic] In The Navy Sink The Bismarck Columbia, Gem of the Ocean [9F07] Mr. Plow Marge: Gasp! Our driveways snowed in! Bart and Lisa: Old Man Winter! Grampa: (Laughing) That's right. I fill your driveways with ice and snow. What are you going to do about it? Nothin'. That's what. Homer: Stop! Together: Mr. Plow! Homer: Get out, you lousy... season. Grampa: All right, I'm going. My head hurts, I have to lie down for a while. Together: Yea! Homer: Hello. I'm Mr. Plow. Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers? And the inevitable heart attacks that come with shoveling snow? Bart and Lisa: Uh-huh. Homer: Then call Klondike 5-3226. Call now and receive a free T-shirt. Lisa: But I'm a real tightwad. Can I afford this remarkable system? Homer: Absolutely. Mr prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage. Bart: You are fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Mr. Plow? Homer, under breath: Shut up, boy. So remember! Call Mr. Plow, That's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow. [9F07] the Plow King [9F09] Dr. Nick Rivera's $129.95 Operation Special Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! Are you looking for a way to slash the cost of your medical expenses? I will perform any operation for 129.95. Come in for brain surgery and receive a free Chinese finger trap! (to patient struggling: Okay, friend.) You tried the best. Now try the rest! Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The "B" is for bargain! [9F10] Truckasaurus: The Movie Announcer: Coming Soon: Truckasaurus: The Movie Starring Marlo Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus Marlo Brando: You crazy car. I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you. Announcer: Celebrity voice impersonated. [9F10] Lyle Lanley's Institute for Monorail Conductors Lyle Langley: Are you stuck in a dead-end job? Are you squandering the precious gift of life in front of the idiot box? Are you on your third beer of the evening? Well, maybe its time you joined the exciting field of monorail conducting by enrolling at the Lanley institute. Announcer: Actual institute may not match photo. [9F11] Duff Gardens Announcer: Hey, Lance Murdock you just jumped 16 blazing school buses. What are you going to do now? Lance: I'm goin' to Duff Gardens! Announcer: Duff Gardens! Home of the Whiplash! (Voiceover: To be completed in 1994) Announcer: ..and the Washing Machine! See the happiest fish in the world at our fabulous Beerquarium! [9F11] Duff Gardens Come to Duff Gardens. Where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore. Now featuring the clean-shaven sounds Hooray for Everything. Group: Hey, kids! Take a walk on the wild side! [9F12] Bigger Brothers Announcer: Lost your dad? Boy: Uh-huh. Announcer: He's not coming back, is he? Boy: He might. Announcer: No, he's not. But at Bigger Brothers, we can help. BIGGER BROTHERS KL5-2233 [9F14] Duff Brewery tour shows Duff Commercial from 1950's Doctor cartoon character: Only Duff fills your Q-zone with pure beer goodness. So drink up... and up!... and up! (He blasts off) Duff Beer. Proud sponsors of the Amos 'N' Andy Show [9F14] Duff Brewery tour shows Duff Commercial from early 1960 Nixon: Well, I would suggest, Mr. Vanocur, that, uh, if you knew the President, uh, that that was just a facetious remark. (A now a word from our sponsor) Kennedy: I would like to take this opportunity to express my fondness for Duff Beer. Nixon: I'd, uh, also like to express *my* fondness for that particular beer. [9F14] Duff Beer Commercial [9F17] Public Service Announcement Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum. [9F19] Gabbo teaser commercial [9F19] Gabbo! Gabbo: Hello. I'm Gabbo. Arthur: And I'm Arthur Crandall. Gabbo: That's easy for you to say. You don't have a hand up your tuchas. Oy! Hey! Arthur: Oh, Gabbo. You'll say anything. And you can watch us every afternoon at 4:00. Gabbo: I'm a bad widdle boy. [1F02] Announcer: Finally, the great taste of Worcester sauce, in a soft drink. [1F05] Infomercial, Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat [1F07] Just do it.....examine your scalp for ringworms [other N.R.A.] [1F10] Bite back with Kent Brockman's Community watch unit [1F12] Buzz Cola [2F02] Vote for Mayor Quimby, for Mayor Without a Mayor Quimby Our town would really stink We wouldn't have a tire yard Or mid sized roller rink We wouldn't have our gallows Or shiny bigfoot trap It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed! Announcer: Quimby: if you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you. Paid for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee [2F02] Vote Side Show Bob for Mayor [2F14] Classy Joe's Limo driver employment [3F02] Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag [3F07] BoneStorm [3F17] Infomercial, Real Estate Hypnosis Announcer: And with my patented seminar, you will learn how to corner the real estate market through hypnosis. Why waste your hypnotic powers on neighbors, co-workers, ... [3F17] Gorman's Ear Guards (Radio) Swing Serenade is brought to you by Gorman's earguards, Guard Your Ears! with Gorman's. [3G02] Frutopia, brewed by hippies, but distributed by a heartless multi-national corporation [3G04] Navel Reserve--the 17th line of defense [5F01] Continental Soccer Association [5F10] Canyonero Sport Utility [5F16] Infomercial--Power Sauce [AABF02] Burns directs an SNPP commercial - an Alan Smithee Film [AABF05] Sci-Fi convention commercial [AABF07] the movie "Bloodening" [AABF07] [at the drive-in] "Let's Go Out to the Lobby" [AABF08] The Catholic Church: We've made a few changes [AABF15] BBQ Pit Kit infomercial [AABF18] `How low will you go' contest [DABF02] Orbit King Rocket Kit [DABF17] Homer's Spring Shield commercial [EABF03] Turbo Diary Girls! Don't let this happen to you. Get the Turbo Diary from Girltech. No one can read your secrets. Except you! [Computer voice] Unauthorized user. Access denied! [holder is shocked] Girltech is a division of BOYTECH. [EABF05] Baby Stink Breath - Baby So Fresh Tri-Pad System [starring Bart!] [EABF05] Viagra-Gain [voice over: Possible side effects include loss of scalp and penis.] [EABF07] Apu Back to School Parking Lot Blowout [EABF07] Krusty Burger [EABF09] You're watching Channel 6, Springfield's home of Krusty the Clown. Now on 3 times a day! Because on channel 6... we have nothing else. [EABF09] Krusty campaign commercial [Music opens with patriotic soaring horns, then man singing ballad "When a Man Loves his Country, like Krusty loves America.."] Opens with fisherman in front of a wilderness river; Switches to farmer on tractor passing over a field of wheat; Grandma rolling out dough making apple pies observed by pigtailed girl; Mountain scene with wild horses; Couple in each other's arms entering a covered bridge to cross a stream.; Kids playing baseball; Krusty with dog in front of the fireplace; Announcer: Krusty the Clown. The man from funny. Krusty: I've brought laughter to your homes, three days a week, 18 weeks a year, for twelve of the past twenty-five years. But whenever America has needed me, I've been there. Switches to shot of Krusty planting flag on the moon; Four Krusty's doing the flag-raising at Iwo Jima; Krusty standing in front of tank in Tiananmen Square; Krusty at the assassination of Lee Harvey Oswald; "Photographs have been modified to include Krusty" [EABF14] Duff Beer Commercial Duff rocket appears outside International Space Station. It docks and in floats four bottles of Duff, four cans of Duff, Suds McDuff [Santa's Little Helper] and four bikini clad space girls. A rocket tray delivers a tray of 40 Duff's to the astronauts. Announcer: Duff; The official beer of NASA. The National Association of Sellers of Alcohol. [FABF03] Mother Against "Families Come First" [Mother unpacking groceries from a station wagon, two children helping] As a mother, I love my family. That's why I'm against the Families Come First initiative. Families Come First will hurt families..and I love my family too much for that. Mother Against "Families Come First" [now we see a Fake Marge Simpson, blue wig, green dress, square red bead necklace] I'm Marge Simpson. And even I'm against Families Come First. Now it's time to do some coke off the blade of a knife! [FABF03] Families Come First Homer: You probably heard a lot bad things about "Families Come First". But newspaper writers are a bunch of jerks. Who really opposes "Families Come First"? Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck, famous successful people from (leans into camera) OUT OF STATE. They live in fancy houses in other places (we see the Taj Mahal, Eiffel Tower). "Families Come First" is supported by lifelong Springfieldians you know and trust, like me! (photo of Homer shown), Milhouse's Dad, Bumblebee Man, Surly Duff, and the jerk that goes "yeeeeeeees?" For more information, visit our web site www.aljazeera.com. We're not affiliated, we're just piggy-backing on their message board. I am Rudy Giuliani (repeat).. Yes on 232. [FABF15] Tour of Farmer Billy's Bacon Factory [FABF21] Ronco Change Magician Too much change around the house have you down? "Help me Ronco Change Magician!" The change Magician will change your life.. for the better! Results may vary. Machine does not actually sort change. Order today! [GABF02] Boy: Grandpa, will you take me fishing? Grandpa: Sorry Jimmy. Your Grandma and I are going to have old people sex. Thank you Jammitin! [GABF13] Krusty's Li'l Starmaker Singing Competition Krusty: Hey, hey, kids. Do you have what it takes to be a singing sensation? A dynamite voice? Ruthless, pushy parents? A void in your self-esteem that can only be filled by applause? Oh, God, I know that void. Then you were born to enter Krusty's L'il Starmaker Singing Competition. Announcer: Not affiliated with American Idol. We've never even heard of American Idol. The winner will be animated into an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon. So enter today, especially if you're a funny-looking kid who doesn't know he sucks. [HABF03] Smoke Damage Outlet Store [JABF13] Nappien Announcer: Are you counting sheep all night long? (Writing on sheep: Mortgage, Car Problems, Secret Other Family, Strange Lump) Sheep then says "He needs help." "Help from a drug." Announcer: That help is here. Meet Nappien. Nappien activates your brain's napping centers and attacks your bodies awakeagens and unlike Sleepia, it won't cause foot fattening or elbow stink. [JABF15] Landing Strip Can fifteen strippers run their own airline? Find out tonight on Fox's newest reality hit, Landing Strip! [JABF17] Mop Commercial That's why this is the only mop endorsed by me, former NFL draft pick Brian Lee. [JABF17] Yes on 87 Frog: So Tell those idiots in the state capitol to let Union Carbide do their thing. Announcer: Paid for by cartoon frogs for wetlands destruction. [JABF17] Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts Howdy Folks. Are you tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner? Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with something for everyone. We got ribs, flying noodles, with butter, Texas tofu, and the easiest place mat puzzle in the state. [MOVIE1] The New Grand Canyon Announcer: Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon? Father, in monotone: Here we are, kids - the Grand Canyon. Daughter: It's so old and boring. I want a new one. Now! Tom Hanks: Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The U.S. Government has lost its credibility so its borrowing some of mine. Son: Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks. Tom: Sure thing, son. Now I'm please to tell you about the new Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City. It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one? [KABF03] Republican Ad During Springfield Primary Announcer: (showing map of US) Who should America elect in 2008? Former Governor Vincent Aleppo said in the New York Times "I will protect the Nation from attack" but in that same issue of the New York Times they also printed an article about terrorist leader Nousaf al Moustaffi. "And ye shall judge them by the company they keep". [KABF03] Ralph Wiggum for President The following is a paid political announcement by the Republican and Democratic party. Compassionate. Tough. Curious. These are all words Ralph Wiggum doesn't know. But he doesn't need to know them. He lives them everyday. Lenny: I'm voting Ralph for President. His easy smile makes me think everything is OK. Even when I know it ain't! Clinton: I'm voting for Ralph too. But don't tell you know who. Announcer: On November 4th, vote for the latest in a long line of great American leaders. Ralph: I want a tricycle. And a dog who won't chew my Hot Wheels. And a brighter future for America! I'm Ralph Wiggum, and I've been a good boy! RALPH WIGGUM: PICK A WINNER [KABF08] Chazz Busby Ballet Academy Chazz Busby: See that? That's talent. Think you got it? You don't. Cause only I can teach it, and I ain't taught you, so you don't. Chazz Busby Ballet Academy is coming to Springfield. Auditions are Monday, callbacks are Tuesday, Wednesday you see I'm a heartless bastard, Thursday you realize you love me dammit, Friday we're closed. (Talking to ballerinas practicing on commercial) You're fired! You're her. Jump. Dance. Love. [LABF06] Prying Eyes Announcer: When you leave your children.. do you really know whom you're leaving them with? Babysitter: Your little angels are safe with me. Enjoy your second honeymoon! Babysitter to girl: You! Wash me unmentionables. Babysitter to boy: And you!..pre-heat the oven for two children at 450. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Announcer: When you can't be there, Prying Eyes survellance can! We take images from your camera, scramble them, beam them to our orbiting satellite, unscramble them, then scramble them again, then unscramble them that all important final time - our competitors claim we scramble out images too much. We say, can you love your children too much? The only thing better than prying-eye watching your children is YOU watching your children. And we *know* that's not going to happen. [LABF12] Krusty Burger Mother Nature Burger Krusty: It's a new world out there. People care about their health for some reason. We know times have changed, and we at Krusty Burger want to take advantage of that. Introducing the Mother Nature Burger. Made from 100% wheat-fed barley. And now to take a yummy bite. (They zoom in on a bite that is obviously not Krusty) Mmmm. Tastes like a healthy future! [PABF12] Royalty Cruises Stuck in a rut? Ready for a change? We built heaven and made it float. Royalty Cruises; one week away from the everyday. Visuals and commercials if anything underplay the thrill of actual cruise experience. [2F17] Channel Surfing 17 different Channels, 17 different syllables Ev, er, y, one, is, ta, king, a, bout, Ra, di, o, ac, tive, Ma, an, yah! David Letterman says "Ev" Scott Christian [ch. 6 news] says "er" Classic Krusty show says "y" Smartline show says "one" Brad Goodman says "is" a news woman (?) at the comic book store says "tal" a news man says "king" the Financial channel news says "a" the Hear Me Roar network show says "bout" news show interviewing Lenny says "ra" news show in front of Springfield Elementary says "di" the Sally talk show says "o" Birch Barlow says "ac" the Springfield news says "tive" Joan Rivers show says "ma" Conan O'Brian show [with Funky C Funky Do] says "an" another unknown news cast says "yah!" TV CHANNELS [7F13] Springfield Cable has 68 channels [7G03] Loaftime. The cable network for the unemployed. [7F07] TV 6 NEWS - KWZ [7F13] Top Hat Channel [7F13] Sports Pay Per View Channel [7F13] Hear Me Roar, Network for women [7F13] MTV [7F13] VH1 [7F13] Arts & Crafts Channel [7F24] TV6NEWS truck drives away from Michael Jackson event. [8F09] Financial Channel [9F07] Channel 92 [9F07] Fox [9F14] Fox Network [9F19] KBBL TV [9F19] Fox [9F20] Fox [9F22] Fox [1F01] Burns says he has taken over all 78 channels [1F03] Public Television Station [1F05] Channel 77 [1F12] Fox [1F13] Fox [1F14] Flanders Satellite Dish has over 230 channels locked out [1F15] Fox [1F19] Fox [1F21] IBN, Impulse Buying Network [1F22] Fox [2F02] Fox [2F04] Fox [2F06] Channel 3: Public Access, Home of the Bizarre Rant [2F06] Fox [2F15] CNNBCBS [a division of ABC] [2F15] Fox [2F20] Comedy Central [2F20] WMEX (Satellite van driven by Bumblebee Man) [2F31] Fox [3F08] Channel 3 [3F08] Channel Ocho [8] [3F08] Channel 11 [3F08] Channel 6 [3F08] Fox [3F12] NBC [3F14] Fox [3F15] Fox [3F31] Fox [3G01] Fox [3G02] WB [Warner Brothers] Network [3G03] ESPN [4F20] Fox [4F24] Fox [5F02] Fox [5F02] NBC [5F02] CBS [5F23] Fox [AABF01] Fox [AABF03] the Learning Channel [AABF07] [Jasper says] 200 channels and nothing but cats [AABF09] Fox [AABF10] Fox [AABF17] Fox [AABF20] Fox [BABF11] Fox [BABF22] Fox [DABF04] BHO [takeoff on HBO] [DABF11] Fox [DABF16] Fox [DABF17] Fox [DABF18] The History Channel [DABF20] The Clock Channel [DABF20] Church Channel [DABF21] The Reality Channel [EABF04] LifeTime Channel [EABF06] Fox [EABF08] Fox [EABF09] Channel 6 [EABF09] Fox News [EABF11] Fox [EABF15] PAX-TV [EABF21] Copter News 6 [FABF01] Fox [FABF02] HGTV [FABF04] Testosterone Network [FABF10] Fox [FABF15] Testosterone Network [FABF15] Fox [FABF16] Fox [FABF18] Channel 6 Still in English A Division of Burns Media [FABF22] Channel 6 News [FABF22] Channel 11 News [FABF22] KBBL News [FABF22] ABC [FABF22] CBS [FABF22] The Christian Science Monitor [FABF22] Fox News Channel [truck rolls in to the tune of "We are the Champions" by Queen and a Bush Chaney 2004 poster] [FABF22] Global News Network [FABF22] Channel Ocho [GABF02] Disney Channel [GABF02] Fox [GABF02] ESPN [GABF04] Soft News Network [GABF04] Fox [GABF07] Wifetime TV [GABF11] Fox [GABF13] Sign outside Krustylu Studios: Channel 6 Kent Brockman [GABF19] Fox [GABF22] Fox [GABF22] ESPN [HABF02] PBS [HABF03] Springfield Public Access Television [HABF08] Fox [HABF09] Fox [JABF09] Fox [JABF15] Fox [MOVIE1] Fox [KABF09] Fox [LABF14] Historical Channel [LABF21] Fox [MABF03] The History Channel [MABF14] Fox [MABF15] Fox [MABF18] Fox [MABF19] Fox [NABF01] Fox [NABF01] TBS [NABF01] TNT [NABF01] Bravo [NABF01] Logo [NABF01] NBC [NABF02] Fox [PABF02] Telebozo [PABF02] Shtick at Night [PABF02] ESPU [PABF02] HBOWTIME [PABF02] Announcer: Bumblebee Man is moving to channel 6. Bumblebee Man: Adios ocho. Springfield Movies    See section above for Movies on Television!    See section below for Movies on Video Tape and DVD's!     Springfield Theatres     Movie Posters / Advertisements Other Exhibited Movies Movies Being Filmed Other Referenced Movies   Springfield Theaters Springfield-X [8F05] For Your Thighs Only [8F05] Crocodile Done Me [8F05] Doctor Strangepants [9F13] Debbie Does Springfield [8F08] Larry's Chinese Theatre Aztec Theatre {also [8F08], [1F09], [2F31] (Closed for Repairs), [4F09]} [7G07] Space Mutant IV: the trilogy continues [7F15] Space Mutant V: the Land Down Under [7F75] Do the Bart, Man! [8F08] [None; closed for repairs] [8F10] The Empire Strikes Back [8F10] Coming Soon: Space Mutants [this is a flashback episode] [8F16] Ernest Needs a Kidney [9F03] Itchy & Scratchy: the Movie [9F12] Barton Fink [9F22] Ernest Goes Somewhere Cheap [1F07] Siskel & Ebert: the Movie [1F19] Pooperama Triple Feature [2F07] Stock Footage Festival [2F10] When Harry Met Sally [3F05] Pauly Shore and Faye Dunaway in "Honk If You're Horny" [3F17] Naked Lunch [4F05] Too Many Grandmas [AABF23] Mr. Smith Goes to Washington [Preview] [BABF22] Julia Roberts in Love is Nice [EABF04] Theatre is closed for repairs. [FABF10] Teenage Sex Wager vs. Boner Academy [FABF10] Cosmic Wars The Gathering Shadow [Directed, Written, Edited and Voice of Jim-Jam by Randall Curtis] [FABF10] The Momentum of Things (starring) Ellen Burstyn and Jim Broadbent [FABF10] The Lizzie McGuire Movie [GABF02] Tales of the Old Testament  Running Time 800 Minutes [JABF06] The Krusty Movie [KABF15] Sever  Rated R [LABF13] Today: Everyman Test Screening - Tell Us How To Do Our Job [LABF13] (poster) Alvin and The Chipmunks Gettin' Rabies! [LABF13] (poster) Eddie Murphy in Fat Suit [LABF13] (poster) Welcome Back, Potter [LABF14] Madea Goes to Hell [MABF03] Sever V [MABF03] The Diversity Kittens  "Tolerance Has Nine Lives" [MABF05] Love, Formulaically  Starring: Ben Affleck [NABF21] Paul Flart: Water Park Cop [PABF11] Cars 3: New Merchandise [PABF11] Jackass: The Funeral [PABF11] Switcheroo 2 (poster) [PABF11] Horrible Premise (poster) [PABF11] Happy Little Elves II The Sequelf (poster) [PABF11] Transformers of the Caribbean (poster) [PABF17] [1974 flashback] Cosmic Wars Springfield Drive-In [3F03] I Spit on Your Grave [3F03] I Thumb Through Your Magazines [5F12] Hail to the Chimp [AABF07] The Bloodening [DABF09] Dude, Where's My Virginity? [Starring Bridget Fonda, Jr. and Judd Nelson as Dean Probationly] [1F09] Big T Theatre [9F09] Drive In Movie Theater [1F16] Lillie Langtry Theater [Burns' private theater] {also [4F05]} Limited Appeal Theatre [GABF15] Kosovo Autumn - Vjeshtë Kosovar (it's Albanian) [GABF15] (poster) Craving Molly, Alaska [GABF15] (poster) Oppenheimer's Elevator [3F15] Route 18 Flea Market and Drive-In [3F15] The Muppets Go Medieval Springfield Googolplex Theatres [8F19] I'll Fry Your Face III [8F19] The Smell in Room 19 [8F19] Space Mutants VI [8F19] Honey, I Hit a School Bus [8F19] Look Who's Oinking [8F19] The Stockholm Affair [8F19] Ernest vs. the Pope [aka Ernest cuts the cheese] [8F22] Space Mutant VII [8F22] Sing Monkey Sing [8F22] Hot Grits a Flyin' [AABF19] My Dinner With Jar Jar [AABF19] Mars Need Towels [AABF19] That 70's Movie [AABF19] Shakespeare in Heat [AABF19] Face Puncher IV [AABF19] Das Booty Call [DABF05] Wedgie: The Movie [DABF05] Shenani-Goats [DABF05] Air C.H.U.D. [DABF05] Chocolate 2: The Vanilla-ing [DABF05] Final Chapter 4: A New Beginning [DABF05] Editor-In-Chimp [DABF05] Too Many Premises! [DABF05] Crouching Tiger, Hidden V... [DABF05] Clone Me An Angel [DABF05] Dude. Where's My Pepsi? [FABF08] 1  Return to Ape Valley [FABF08] 2  The Fashion of the Christ [FABF08] 3  Ghost Frat [FABF08] 4  Eating Nemo [FABF08] 5  From Justin to Jelly 4 [FABF08] 6  The Unwatchable Hulk [FABF08] 7  The Pianist Goes Hawaiian [FABF08] 8  Freddy vs. Jason vs. Board of Education [FABF08] 2  A Kiss Before B.. [FABF08] The Wild Dingleberries Movie [FABF08] A Matrix Christmas [FABF08] Diet Coke: The Movie [FABF08] President Airbutt: Air to the Chief [FABF08] The Re-Deadening [FABF08] Teenage Sex Wager [GABF01] Cards ..from Dreamworks [GABF01] 3 Fast 3 Furious [GABF01] Breast Camp [GABF01] Dude, Where's My Prostate [GABF01] Michael Eisner vs. Michael Ovitz [GABF01] Kill Bill Maher [GABF01] Explosion 2 [GABF01] Baby Cops 3: Tired and Cranky [GABF01] Disney's "Stroller Rental: The Movie" [GABF14] Left Below Stardust Drive-In [outside Springfield] [AABF13] The Monster that ate everybody Springfield IMAX Theatre [EABF02] Nature's Biggest Holes [1F16] Westport Dinner Theatre X [XXX movies for dogs] [FABF01] Behind the Doggie Door [FABF01] Long Dog Silver [FABF01] On Golden Retriever Theatre at Springfield Natural History Museum [FABF09] Bark: The Suit Your Tree Wears Barnacle Bay Theater [JABF03] Meet Me in Some Floozy Springfield Mall Theater [PABF11] Crawlspace - Based on Paxing Kongjian "Room for one more? Skytop Drive-In [PABF18] The Itchy & Scratchy Movie 3-D Release See What You Saw Before Except It Costs More Other Springfield Theatres [not identified] [FABF10] The Lost Weekend [FABF10] Days of Wine and Roses [FABF10] Barfly Other Exhibited Movies Air Japan's in-flight movie [AABF20] Kanga-Roommate! Mafia Private Jet [EABF09] The Divine Sequence of the Ya Ya Sisterhood Outside Theatre in Springfield Park [JABF03] Dunderhead Deputies in Farmyard Follies Other Movies Bootleg Videos at Android's Dungeon [CABF08] Alien Autopsy [CABF08] Illegal Alien Autopsy [CABF08] Godfather III - good version [CABF08] Tape of Kent Brockman picking his nose [CABF08] Police Informant Tape #2381 [CABF08] Mister Rogers drunk [CABF08] Secret Nuclear Defense Plan U.S. Govt. Film #1612 Sara Sloane Movies [EABF08] Sleeping With Pinocchio [EABF08] Honey, I Scotch Guard'ed the Kids By Deklin Desmond, documentary filmmaker who visits Springfield Elementary; [EABF11] Lost Luggage [EABF11] Shattered Lives [EABF11] Upskirt Dreams [EABF11] Do You Want Lies With That? [EABF11] American Boneheads: A Day In the Life of Springfield Elementary At Flanders House [EABF16] Girls Gone Mild [EABF16] Debbie Does Penance At The Sundance Film Festival Films Being Shown [KABF11] Regularsville [KABF11] Candyland [KABF11] Chernobyl Graveyard [KABF11] Capturing the Simpsons by Lisa Simpson [KABF11] Life Blows Chunks a film by Nelson Muntz Jarmoose Films Referenced [KABF11] Stranger Than Paradise [KABF11] Down by Law [KABF11] Cheaper by the Dozen 3 (poster shows a dozen tombstones) Videotapes Rented by Marge for Recovering Homer [9F11] Boxing's Greatest Weigh-Ins [9F11] Yentl [9F11] The Erotic Adventures of Hercules with Normal Fell as Zeus Hercules! The Cyclops tore off my clothes! Videotapes Rented by Homer for Recovering Marge (from fear of flying) [2F08] Hero (picture of burning jet on cover) [2F08] Fearless (picture of burning, disintegrating jet on cover) [2F08] Alive (picture of disintegrating jet on cover) New movie that Troy McClure could get part in [3F15] McBain IV: Fatal Discharge Movies for Rent At Lackluster Video [FABF14] Ski Shul [FABF14] Sea Triscuit [FABF14] President Black Guy [FABF14] Jerkcules [FABF14] TV Show: The Movie [FABF14] Cemetery Academy [FABF14] When Harry Became Sally [FABF14] Ape Chimp [FABF14] Love Story Movies Directly Referenced [9F06] Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Neverending Story. [9F09] Homer to Rabbi Krustofsky: Now, I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented Fiddler on the Roof and I will watch it. [9F09] Ned Flanders: Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and Sweatin' to the Oldies, volumes one, two and four. [9F10] Marge: Wait a minute.. that was Prince of Tides. [9F12] Lewis: We're gonna go sneak into an R-rated movie! Milhouse: It's called Barton Fink! [9F16] Krusty: The star of The Blue Lagoon (Brooke Shields), and me, the blue-haired goon. [9F20] Mayor Quimby: In other news, the chick in The Crying Game is really a man. [EABF17] Godfather: I haven't cried like this since I paid to see Godfather III. Movie Posters / Advertisements In Troy McClure's Home [3F15] My Darling Beefeater [3F15] Incident At Noon [3F15] Astro Heist for Gemini 3 During movie preview at Aztec [AABF23] Space Mutants XII [AABF23] McBane [sic] VI In Comic Book Guy's Apartment [CABF08] Space Mutants 5 In Android's Dungeon secret Video Cellar [CABF08] Attack of the ?? Frankenstein [CABF08] Invasion of the Saucer-Men Movie preview at Googolplex [DABF05] Soccer Mummy [GABF01] Cards Buck McCoy's Home [DABF07] Wyatt Earp Meets The Mummy [DABF07] Six Brides for Seven Brothers [DABF07] Six Gun Lullaby Movie Poster at Springfield Mall [EABF08] Sara Sloane in My Best Friend's Gay Baby Poster in theatre In flashback to Marge as a little girl [GABF04] Sleepless in Seattle Outside Ginormous Pictures studio [LABF13] Star Wars: Episode VII The Apology [LABF13] Alvin and The Chipmunks 3 Gettin' Rabies! At Android's Dungeon [LABF13] Space Mutants 5 [LABF13] I Was a Teenage Werewolf [PABF11] Tonton in Paris [PABF11] Tic-Tac-Toe X v. O X Advertised on Television [MABF14] TIC-TAC-TOE X v. O At Nickel 'N' Dime Animation Studio [NABF07] Monsters, Ltd. (parodying Monsters, Inc.) [NABF07] The Lyin' King "Experience the Cycle of Life" (parodying The Lion King) [NABF07] Kung Fu Koala (parodying Kung Fu Panda) [NABF07] The Not-So-Incredibles (parodying The Incredibles) Movies Being Filmed / Produced [2F17] Radioactive Man [AABF23] Mel Gibson in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington [DABF06] Canadian Graffiti [DABF06] Undercover Nerd [EABF08] Sara Sloane in "The Zookeeper's Wife" [NABF08] Angry Dad Videos in Springfield     Video Messages Video Tape DVD's Video Messages and Instructional Videos [9F05] The Half-Assed Approach to Foundation Repair Hello, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from me from such instructional videos as Mothballing Your Battleship and Dig Your Own Grave and Save. Now, over the next six hours, I'll be taking you through the do's and do-not-do's of foundation repair. Ready? First, patch the cracks in the slab using a latex patching compound and a patching trowel. Now, do you have extruded polyvinyl foam insulation? Assemble the aluminum J-channel using self-furring screws. Install. After applying brushable coating to the panels you'll need some corrosion-resistant metal stucco lath. If you can't find metal stucco lath use carbon-fibre stucco lath. Now parge the lath. [9F10] Aunt Hortense Video Will I would like to start by reading a passage from Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and ...(Homer fast forwards)... and that has made all the difference." Now, let's get down to business. (Hutz, taped over: To my executor, Lionel Hutz I leave $50,000.) To Marge, I leave my collection of potato chips that resemble celebrities. They're all here: Otto von Bismarck, Maurice Chevalier, right up to Jay Leno. These chips were my children, Marjorie. Take special care of them. To my sister Jackie, I leave my pet iguana, Jub Jub. To my dear childless nieces, Patty and Selma I leave my grandfather clock and these words: Don't die lonely like me. Raise a family and do it now. Now! Now! Now! [9F14] Dangers of Driving Drunk Troy McClure: What a terrible waste. Hi! I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such driver's ed films as Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass and The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot. For the next 60 minutes, we'll be seeing actual film of car-crash victims. (later) Here's an appealing fellow. In fact they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk. [2F33] (title not shown) Fuzzy Bunny and Fluffy Bunny [3F03] Meat And You: Partners in Freedom The Meat Council Presents: "Meat And You: Partners in Freedom" Number 3F03 in the "Resistance is Useless" Series Hi I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as Two - Three Equals Negative Fun! and Firecrackers: The Silent Killer. [3F07] Shoplifters Beware Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such public service videos as Designated Driver - The Lifesaving Nerds and Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness. I'm here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting. Thereby completing my plea bargain with the good people of Foot Locker of Beverly Hills. Shoplifting began here in ancient Phoenecia. Thieves would literally lift the corner of a shop in order to snatch the sweet, sweet olives within. O Shakazaramesh will you ever learn. Flash forward to ancient Babylonia ... [GABF05] Get Out of My Dreams and Also Out of My Car: A Guide to Your Restraining Order (within which they play "So You've Got a Restraining Order") [GABF06] Robert Wagner on Menopause [HABF14] So You're Calling God a Liar: An Unbiased Comparison of Evolution and Creationism [JABF15] U.S. Dental Association: Menace Tooth Society (saved by Luda-Crest) [LABF15] The Answer Dejected woman: My life was over. My job, my husband left me, I had to sleep in a kangaroo's pouch. And then I found... The Answer. The Answer was discovered by the philosophers of ancient Greece. Who hid it under a rock.. where it was discovered by the Knights of King Arthur. Who placed it in a bottle and sent it in the ocean.. where it was found by Pat Sajak. These great men.. knew the answer. (St. Peter, Charlemagne, Jack the Ripper, Colonel Sanders, Barry Bonds, The Guy Who Married Brooke Shields, Santa Claus, You? The Answer is the secret to achieving your hearts desire. Learn The Answer, and change your life. Announcer: Available wherever dubious quasi-scientific self-help books are sold. [KABF02] Moe's "The forget me shot" Video Moe: (on tape) You start with a splash of Jagarmeister. Then add Sloe Gin. Triple sec. Quadruple sec. Gunk from a dogs eye. Absolut pickle. The red stripe from Aquafresh, and the funniest ingredient, the venom from the Louisianna Lobotomoth. You stir it with a home pregnancy test, 'til it turns positive.... and presto. [PABF13] Do You Want Lies With That? Declan Demond documentary on the evils of fast food and the Krusty Burger chain. Movies on VHS (and other Pre-recorded Video Tapes) (This is a new section under construction as of 2011) [8F07] Happy Little Elves (sign outside VHS Village "Formerly the Beta Barn") [8F07] Space Mutants 7 (sign outside VHS Village store) [8F07] The Road to Egypt (VHS Village store, foreign movie section) [8F07] Panic in Alaska (VHS Village store, foreign movie section) [8F07] That Night Over England (VHS Village store, foreign movie section) [8F07] Skoal! the musical (VHS Village store, foreign movie section) [8F07] DA DA DA (VHS Village store, foreign movie section) [8F07] Border Siesta (VHS Village store, foreign movie section) [8F07] The Bad Football (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Speed Boat Bloopers (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Frisbee 1991 (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Super Jock III (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Go Fight A Cheerleader's Story (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Death By Knockout (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Bench Clearing Brawls (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Blood on the Ice! (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Football's Greatest Injuries (VHS Village store, sports section) [8F07] Fly Boy III (VHS Village store) [8F07] Race Movie IV (VHS Village store) [8F07] Crocs III (VHS Village store) [8F07] Chorus (VHS Village store) [9F06] DAS BUTT Rated XXX [RABF03] A E I O U Y [Reel-to-Reel [Super-8?] Educational Movie shown at Springfield Elementary during blackout using potato battery] DVD's (This is a new section under construction as of 2011) [FABF02] Magnum PI Carl gives Homer the first season of Magnum PI for Christmas. [GABF07] Northern Exposure [JABF07] Watchman Babies in V for Vacation [KABF01] Best of Sideshow Bob [KABF10] Pirates of the Caribbean 3 Created from a combine farm machine when Bart runs over a huge pile of manure [LABF10] Dwight Eisenhower golf video Homer: We'll keep Grampa occupied with this DVD of Dwight Eisenhower talking about golf. [MABF01] The Best of Itchy & Scratchy Volume 63 [MABF01] Kama Sutra: A Soulmates' Journey to Sensual Nirvana [MABF22] A Fluppet Christmas Special [NABF13] Finding Nemo [NABF15] Ken Burns' Cheese [NABF21] Six Million Dollar Man [NABF22] Friday Night Lights The First Season [NABF22] Friday Night Lights The Second Season [NABF22] Friday Night Lights The Third Season [NABF22] Friday Night Lights The Fourth Season [NABF22] Friday Night Lights The Fifth Season [PABF01] The Diversity Kittens [in] Meltingpot Mountain [PABF01] Drunk Girls Who Signed Waivers [PABF12] Kung Fu Person [PABF12] Pandora Strain [RABF02] Ice World: Los Angeles [RABF02] Volcasteroid! [RABF02] Kathy Griffin: Even Armageddon Won't Stop Me [RABF05] Baby Poindexter [RABF07] love, indubitably [RABF08] A Streetcar Named Desire Audio Recordings in Springfield     Audio Messages Cassette Tape CD's Audio Messages and Instructional Recordings New Section. Build it and they will come. Cassette Tapes New Section. Build it and they will come. CD's [9F07] Sea Chanteys [television commercial] [9F07] Hornpipe Fever [television commercial] [FABF03] Lisa: Don't tell mom Roofi has CD's! [PABF05] Wriggles Billboards [7F05] Royal Majesty; clothing for the Obese or Gangly Gentlemen [7F05] Moe's Tavern [7F17] Discount Lion Safari, so real you'll think you're in Africa [8F02] Get a Mammogram, Man [8F19] Flaming Pete's 75 miles [8F19] Flaming Pete's 30 miles [8F19] Flaming Pete's next exit! [9F03] Itchy & Scratchy: the Movie [9F03] Springfield Barber College [9F14] Duff Beer, You know you want it [9F19] Gabbo is Coming [1F09] Duff Beer, Can't Get Enough [1F14] Welcome to Lake Springfield, No mercury dumping without permit [2F12] This year, give her English Muffins [2F12] Best in the West BBQ Sauce [3F03] Don't eat beef, eat Deer [3F11] Ogdenville Outlet Mall, 1000's of irregular salad bowls [3F21] Homer Simpson---the Pride of Springfield [3G01] DIEt [4F11] Laramie Slims [4F11] Pure Enjoyment, Laramie Slims [4F11] See Real Live Reindeer at Santa's Village [5F06] For Sale---> Red Blazer Realty [5F06] The Lumber King [AABF07] We're Watching You Kids, Cops Never Sleep [mechanized] [DABF17] Superintendant [sic] Chalmers Now More Than Ever CONTRIBUTORS: Benjamin Robinson Damien Treadwell Dave Monroe John W. Leys Matt Garvey Pat Conolly Tim Cramm Tim Thomason Related Pages at The Simpsons Archive [The Stellar Acting Career of Troy McClure] [Movies] [Itchy & Scratchy Episodes] Got certified?

Search The Simpsons Archive:    Search Help [ FAQs, Guides & Lists | Upcoming Episodes | Episode Guide | Capsules | Miscellaneous | Web Links | News | About | Home ] Last updated on August 1, 2013 by Bruce Gomes (bruce@simpsonsarchive.com) We celebrate the birth of Herman Melville, born one hundred ninety-four years ago today, August 1, 1819 in New York City