Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington

Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington                             Written by George Meyer
                                                         Directed by Wes Archer

Title sequence

Blackboard :- `Spitwads are not free speech'.
              `Spitwads are not fr' at cutoff.

Lisa's solo:- descending eighth notes
                        .... .
              .          #Nb  b # #Nb  b   N# . . .  .
              1_______5 5443 1754 4434 31 /346161/3__1

Driveway   :- no oil on the driveway.
              Bart doesn't bounce off the car roof.
              Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past.

Couch:     :- Homer accidentally sits on SLH.

Didja notice...

    ... guest voices were supplied by (among others)
        Tress MacNeille and Lona Williams?
        If you watch the credits, you'll see that Lona Williams is
        an Executive Assistant.
    ... Maggie only fell once?  When Homer went through the mail.
        Note that Maggie fell flat on her face.  (Usually, she manages
        to keep her head up while she falls.)  Her nose must hurt an awful lot.
    ... right after Homer says, ``I never read a magazine in my life, and
        I'm not going to start now,'' he starts reading a magazine?
    ... Homer thinks Tolstoi's quote originated from Quotable Notables?
    ... Maggie wasn't paying attention to Homer's reading?
    ... the music when Lisa goes to the park is very Aaron Copland-like?
    ... the bald eagle strikes the pose in the Great Seal of the United
        States?  (Complete with arrows in its left claw!)
    ... the Purple Mountains Majesty in Springfield National Forest?
        ``I got up and said the Pledge when I first saw it,'' claims {tpm}
    ... Blinky in the corner of the map of Springfield's state?
    ... Jasper was one of the local judges?
    ... when the judge asks Homer to touch his nose, he misses?  Twice!
    ... the promotions for this episode accidentally mirror-reversed the
        scene where Bart fires his slingshot?

[Dave Hall (]
    ... some of the meatloaf men had sad faces?
    ... there's only 20 stars, 4 white and 5 black (?) stripes on the flag?
    ... the outside view of the Watergate hotel shows approximately 11
        floors, yet according to the buttons in the elevator that Bart pushed,
        there are 20 floors?  (Yes, including floor 13.)
    ... the pink bowling ball?  (Was Nixon a free-thinking anarchist?)
    ... Mrs. Bush was wearing a pearl necklace in the tub?
    ... the date on the cheque was Oct 18, 1991. Cheque no. 788.

Movie (and other) References

  + Readers' Digest
        - `Reading Digest', with its `How to increase your word power' column.
    Alice in Wonderland
        - the painting in the congressman's office. {bpk}
    The Sting
        - touching your finger to your nose as a signal
    Susan B. Anthony
        - Winifred Beecher Howe
  + Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
        - the plot involves discovering corruption in Washington
        - asking the Lincoln Memorial for advice. {cra}
        - the representative who asks for the pay raise sounds like
          Jimmy Stewart
    Mark Russell
        - the piano-playing political satirist

Freeze Frame Fun

Home Security Trust reminds us, ``We're not a savings and loan.''

Reading Digest: Brevity is... wit.

   Motoring Ms.-Haps
   Can we trust Bermuda?
   They Call Me Dr. Soybeans

Lisa's bookshelf

    potted cactus
    mounted photos of SLH and Snowball 2
    mini stereo speakers
    Etch-a-sketch toy

Springfield National Forest

The speech score card, with Lisa's scores

Brian Scearce {bls} kindly supplies the card:


    Originality         _10_
    Clarity             _10_
    Organization        __9_
    Jingoism            _10_

Note that Lisa was awarded five additional points after the judge
met Homer; a score of 44/40 must have been tough to beat.

The plane trip

    Here's the seating plan...

    ^ forward
   w|                         |a
   i| Marge   Maggie   Homer  |i
   n|                         |s
   d| Lisa   [empty]   Bart   |l
   o|                         |e
   w|                  hapless
    |               businessman

Dulles Airport

J. D. Baldwin {jdb} observes that the family walk by a sign that says `BUS
INFO / 213 937 6236.'  [It's a real phone number, namely, the home phone of
Wes Archer, the director.  The number was placed without his knowledge, so
please <don't> call it.]

Picketers' signs outside of White House

Also from Brian Scearce {bls}:

    No Opinion
    Things are fine
    No Complaints Here
    One Happy Camper
    Everything's A-OK

The crooked lobbyist

The map of Springfield National Forest is labelled, ``Springfield, USA.''

The pre-logging picture included two vultures perched menacingly, and
a deer crushed under a fallen tree.  Stupid old-growth trees...

J. D. Baldwin {jdb} notes that ``the post-logging forest picture had
several cute animal scenes, but my favorite was the frogs playing
leap-frog.''  It also contained a rabbit and raccoon sharing a spot of
tea, using a tree stump as a tea table.

The contest finals

J. D. Baldwin {jdb}: Ted Kennedy is present at the contest!  We see him
right after Bart's line: ``Cool, a ruckus!'' and later, applauding the
winner of the contest.  He does not appear to receive `Cesspool on the
Potomac' well.  (Go figure.)

Paul Arthur (paular@kubiki.Eng.Sun.COM) adds:  The senator/congressman
that talked to the senate page on the phone bore a striking resembalance
to Sen. Howell Heflin (sp?) of Alabama.  [Note also that Heflin was, at
the time, chairman of the Senate Ethics Committee. --rjc]

J. D. Baldwin responds:  I agree, and note that this adds Alabama to the
list of possible locations for Springfield, as a tiny portion of the state
motto `Not just another state' was visible behind the senator.  Hence, he
is the senator from Springfield's state.

The State Seal

Theron Stanford {tws} invites us to take a close look at the State Seal on
the congressman's wall.  The four corners of the seal are

    a star          an ear of corn

                    a nuclear
    a beaver        power symbol

Bart's room service tab

Courtesy of Mark Ford (

        2 SHIRLEY TEMPLES  $  14.00
        2 CRAB SALADS      $  28.50
        LAUNDRY            $   8.75
        2 PEDICURES        $  75.00
        2 MASSAGES         $ 150.00

and of course, Bart adds a $20.00 tip.

The Washington Beacon, EXTRA! Congress Cleans House

Animation and continuity goofs

Washington, DC

They generally did a good job of avoiding goofs.

Many of the goofs can be explained away by the cardinal rule for cartoons:

        Because it was funny.

Dulles Airport

There were no Washington landmarks visible during the shot of the landing
at Dulles.  (Dulles is about a 30-minute drive from the city.) {jdb}

The Watergate Hotel and the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts

Staying at the Watergate is logical, since it's right next door to the
Kennedy Center.  Though the Kennedy Center was missing from the shot
of the hotel.  []

J. D. Baldwin notes, ``I have it on pretty good authority that the
Watergate Hotel does NOT provide `greeting mints' to guests.'' reports that the building had the correct
number of floors.

The IRS Building

John P. Connolly points out that the IRS building is not on the way
from Dulles to the Watergate.

The National Air and Space Museum

The sculpture in front of the building was missing.  []

Moreover, The Spirit of St. Louis is suspended above the ceiling a good
15-20 feet out and 10 feet up from the closest railing.  No way could Bart
get in there.  [You underestimate the power of a VIP badge. --rjc]  Also
missing in that scene was the Wright Brother's first plane and that red
one does not belong.  []

The Washington Monument

They remembered the ring of flags (one for each state) the surrounds
the monument. []

The Jefferson Memorial

They remembered the quotation that is inscribed around the interior base

Though the Jefferson Memorial is waaaaaaaaay out there.  Lisa must've
done a lot of walking! []

This explains why the Jefferson Memorial mutters, ``I get so lonely.''
Nobody ever visits; it's too far away from the other tourist sites.

Punt, Pass and Kick

Ted Frank ( points out that they no longer hold
the NFL Punt, Pass, and Kick competition.  [Nevertheless, it was a great
joke. --rjc]

The Simpsons' address

The junk mail

Rich McGee (, Supporter of Pork Rinds Lite and dubious state
employee, played with his new VCR to report...

The Simpsons live at 59 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, T.A.!  Yes, the
``T.A.'' was quite distinct. Sorry, the zip code was fuzzed out.  This was
confirmed on the `You may be a winner' envelope, and the check itself.

[The ZIP code was 192005.  Yes, a SIX-digit zip code. --rjc]

Finally, when Homie is talking to Marge on the couch, you can clearly see
the `MG' made out of his right side hairline and right ear. Also, on the
mantle, below the trophy, is the same radiation symbol later seen on Burn's
(``These color monitors have already paid for themselves'') monitor.

The map of the US

Chuck Collins {cpc} played with his own brand new VCR and reports...

The state name on the map was visible in somewhere around 3 fade-frames,
but it was clearly readable. The state abbreviation is...  `NT'.

NT?  North Texas?  New Tenessee?  Never Tell?

So in one episode we get 2 different state abbreviations. NT from the map and
TA from the junk mail.

Mount Rushmore?

Just because the FBI agent approached Bob Arnold regarding drilling on
Mount Rushmore doesn't mean that Arnold represents South Dakota.  If the
oilman wanted congressional approval, he'd have to bribe more than just the
senators and representatives from the home state to get the bill to pass,
or at least out of committee.

If congressional approval was not necessary, then he would want to bribe
somebody with ties to the Department of the Interior, which has juridsiction
over national parks and forests.  Again, this someone would not necessarily
be from the same state the Mount Rushmore is in.

In fact the latter is probably the case, since Arnold was also approached
on the Springfield National Forest issue.

Contest essays

The judges

Former Redskins great Alonzo Flowers,
Perennial third-party candidate Wilson DeFarge
Senate Page Brad Fletcher
Skin-care consultant Rowena, and
Wealthy gadabout Chilton Gaines.

Burn, Baby, Burn (Nelson Muntz, Springfield)

So burn that flag if you must!  But before you do, you'd better burn a few
other things!  You'd better burn your shirt and your pants!  Be sure to
burn your TV and car!  Oh yeah, and don't forget to burn your house!
Because none of those things would exist without six red stripes, seven
red stripes, and a helluva lot of stars!!

[wild applause]

Recipe for a Free Country (Rosemount, MN)

Recipe for a Free Country:  Mix one cup liberty with three teaspoons of
justice.  Add one informed electorate.  Baste well with veto power...


Stir in two cups of checks, sprinkle liberally with balances.

The American Non-Voter (Mobile, Alabama)

My back is spineless.  My back is yellow.  I am the American non-voter.

Ding, Dong (Queens, NY)

Ding, dong.  The sound of the Liberty Bell.  Ding.  Freedom.  Dong.
Opportunity.  Ding.  Excellent schools  Dong.  Quality hospitals.

The Roots of Democracy (Lisa Simpson, Springfield)

When America was born on that hot July day in 1776, the trees in
Springfield Forest were tiny saplings, trembling towards the sun, and as
they were nourished by Mother Earth, so too did our fledgeling nation find
strength in the simple ideals of equality and justice.  Who would have
thought such mighty oaks or such a powerful nation could grow out of
something so fragile, so pure.  Thank you.

Cesspool on the Potomac (Lisa Simpson, Springfield)

The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago,
and very little has changed.  It stank then, and it stinks now.
[gasps from the crowd]  Only today, it is the fetid stench of
corruption [pounds lectern with fist] that hangs in the air.

[Bart:  Cool, a ruckus!]


And who did I see taking a bribe but the [makes quotation sign with
fingers] ``Honorable'' Bob Arnold! [gasps from the crowd]  Don't worry,
Congressman, I'm sure you can buy all the votes you need with your dirty
money!  And this will be one nation, under the dollar, with liberty and
justice for none...  [booed off the stage]

Bubble On, O Melting Pot (Maria Diminguez)

[not read during the episode]

Lift High Your Lamp, Green Lady (stubble-haired kid)

[not read during the episode]

USA A-OK (Trong Van Din)

When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no
English and had no money in our pockets.  Today, we own a nationwide
chain of wheel-balancing centers.  Where else but in America, or
possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity?  That's why,
whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded
of that wonderful word:  flag!

Assorted comments and observations

MG speaks

In an interview with Steve Kettmann, [TV WEEK, 27 Oct 91, San Francisco
Chronicle/Examiner] MG explains...

    Fun is No. 1, entertainment is definitely the first goal of the show.
    And there's a little commentary about politics in there, but there's
    also a commentary about the way television shows resolve a problem in
    a half-hour.  [Lisa] uncovers corruption and the joke is, every branch
    of government swings into action and nails this guy in two hours and
    expels him from Congress.  That to me was big satire.

Free samples

Actually, they used to give out free samples at the money-printing plant.
But now you have to buy them.  (The samples are shredded dollar bills.)

Forrest Palmer ( found it funny that they took a cab from

Dulles to the Watergate.  Dulles is (mostly) in Loudon county. The fare
must have been outrageous!

Rich McGee (, freeze-framed the couch scene: When

Homer picked SLH out of the couch, SLH first bounced by his collar, then
closed both eyes, opened one, then closed it and opened the other, which is
really cute in slo-mo.

Quotes and scene summary

 Homer goes through the sweepstakes junk mail and discards most of it...
   Homer:  [receives a sweepstakes junk mail with a `You may have already won'
           check]  One million dollars!  I'm rich!  [rushes to the bank]
   Teller: Mr. Simpson, I can assure you, this check of yours is non-negotiable.
   Homer:  Oh yeah?  Well, what makes you so damn sure?
   Teller: See where it says, ``VOID VOID VOID'' and ``This is not a check'',
           ``Cash value one twentieth of a cent'', ``Mr. Banker, do not
   Homer:  Shut up.
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 At home, he gripes...
   Homer: I had a feeling it was too good to be true.
          Every time you get a million dollars, something queers the deal.
   Lisa:  I don't think real checks have exclamation points.
   -- Homer may have already won $1 million, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
   Marge: Well, at least we got a free sample of Reading Digest.
   Homer: Marge, I never read a magazine in my life, and I'm not going to start
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
   Homer: [reading `Reading Digest']  Hey, a cartoon!
          [a woman tries to explain a pile of metal that used to be a car]
          ``Well, dear, you always wanted a compact...''
          [laughs]  Ain't it the truth!
   Marge: No, it's not the truth, Homer.  It's well-documented that women are
          safer drivers than men.
   Homer: Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning.  They're just
          stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh.
          [gets up, revealing rear cleavage]
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Homer reads `Reading Digest' at work...
   Len:   Hey Einstein, put down your reading.  It's lunchtime!
   Homer: Ah, you go ahead.
   Len:   Hey, you don't want to eat?  What did you do, get one of those
          stomach staples?
   Homer: As Tolstoi said in Quotable Notables, ``Give me learning, sir,
          and you may keep your black bread.''
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
   Burns:    Who is that bookworm, Smithers?
   Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
   Burns:    Simpson, eh?  How very strange.
             His job description clearly specifies an illiterate!
   -- Why is Homer reading on the job?  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 He arrives home to see the kids glued to the television set...
   Announcer:  We now return to Troy McClure and Dolores Montenegro
               in ``Preacher with a Shovel''.
   Man's voice: But irrigation can <save> your people, Chief Smiling Bear!
   -- The wonders of the American cinema, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Homer gripes that the kids are wasting away their brains and should be
   Marge: You've certainly taking a shine to that magazine.
   Homer: It's not just <one> magazine, Marge; they take <hundreds> of
          magazines, filter out the crap, and leave you with something
          that fits right in your front pocket.
          [struggles to shove it into his front pocket, tearing the seams
          in the process]
   -- Reading is fundamental, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 He shuts off the television set and forces the kids to listen to him
 read to them.
   Homer: [reading]  Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers
          dread... the pitiless bark of the sea lion!
          [gasp]  He'll be killed!
   Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article.
   Homer: Don't be so... [flips ahead]  Oh, you're right.
   -- Book at bedtime, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 A spectacled Homer reads in bed, and Marge suggests they snuggle.
   Homer: [reads]  Seven ways to spice up your marriage.
          [ahem] [reads woodenly]  Marge, you have a nice body.
          And if you'd like to see me in a costume, you have only to ask.
   Marge: Why, thank you, Homey.
   -- Book at bedtime, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 The next day, Marge makes `meatloaf men', and Bart helps himself to
 a particularly hot one, biting off the head.  She got the idea from
 the magazine, of course.
   Homer: Wow, `Win a trip to Washington, DC.  All expenses paid, VIP tour'...
          Oh, it's for kids. [throws into trash]
   Lisa: Wait, Dad.  [fishes out of trash]
         Mm, an essay contest.  Children under twelve, three hundred words,
         fiercely pro-American.  Sounds interesting.
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Marge suggests Bart enter, but he tells her that Lisa is ``the pony to bet
 on.''  In her room, Lisa studies `how a bill becomes law' and tries to
 write her essay...
   [as tranquil music plays in the background, Lisa writes her essay]
   What would Ben Franklin say if he were alive today?
   He'd say...  [tranquil music abruptly stops]
   [erasing]  Oh, think of a better opening.
   -- After all, Ben Franklin was an editor, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Marge suggests Lisa take a bike ride, and Lisa is somewhat annoyed that
 Marge isn't sure what's `cool' any more.  Lisa rides to Springfield
 National Forest (``Smoking really burns me up'') and is inspired by a bald
 eagle that perches in front of her.  Homer takes her to the regional
 competition at the Veterans of Popular Wars building...
   Lisa:  Thanks for driving me to the contest, Dad.
   Homer: Sweetheart, there's nothing I wouldn't do for that magazine.
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Nelson concludes his patriotic/borderline-redneck essay.  Meanwhile,
 entrants from Minnesota, Alabama, and Queens compete in their regional
 contests.  When Lisa reads her essay, the judges nod knowingly to
 each other.  But one judge thinks it's a little <too> good, and
 decides to talk to Homer to see if he was the actual author.
   We the purple?  What the hell was that?
   -- Father to son on his essay topic, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 After a brief interrogation, the judge is convinced that Homer had
 nothing to do with her essay.  (In fact, Lisa is awarded an extra
 five points.)  She wins the contest, and the family wins a trip to
 Washington, DC.
   Who would have guessed reading and writing would pay off!
   -- Homer, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 [End of Act One: 6:52]

 On the plane, Homer calls the steward ...
   Steward: Yes, sir, can I get you something?
   Homer:   Playing cards, note pad, aspirin, sewing kit, pilot's wing pin,
            propeller-shaped swizzle stick, sleeping mask, and anything else
            I've got coming to me.
   Steward: I'll see what I can do.
   -- Flying to Washington, DC, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Meanwhile, Bart harrasses the businessman in the seat behind him working
 on his portable computer by repeatedly reclining his seat.
 The steward takes him into the cockpit...
   Pilot: And this control stick is like the handlebars on your tricycle.
          Now, would you like to see where we hang our coats?
   Bart:  No thank you.  I'd rather push this button.
          [leans over and pushes a button]
   Pilot: No!
          [in the main cabin, oxygen masks descend from the overhead compartments]
   Homer: Aagh!  We're all going to die!  [screams from the passengers]
   -- Are you breathing naturally?  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Upon landing at Dulles Airport...
   [at the airport, sees a chauffeur holding a sign that reads, `SIMPSON']
   Look, Marge, that guy has the same last name we do!
   -- Homer, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 They take a cab, passing by the IRS building (which Homer boos at),
 to the Watergate Hotel.  Bart pushes all the buttons on the elevator
 before leaving.  Marge is amazed by all the things that come with
 the hotel room.
   Wow!  A shoe horn!  Just like in the movies!
   -- Homer is amazed at what comes with the hotel room,
      ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 He has fun putting on and taking off his shoe, as Maggie watches.
 Meanwhile, Bart lets Lisa choose which bed she wants, but when she
 makes her choice, Bart acts pleased.  Lisa suspects that Bart did
 something to the bed, but he isn't telling.  Lisa yells, ``Mom!''
 At two in the morning, the phone rings, and Homer answers.  It's
 Bart pretending to be the hotel wake-up call.  He and Lisa get a good
 laugh out of this.

 The next day, the family meet Faith Crowley, patriotism editor of
 Reading Digest...
   Ooh, I love your magazine.  My favorite section is `How to increase
   your word power'.  That thing is really, really.. really.... good.
   -- Homer, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Faith introduces Lisa to the other finalists...
   Faith: Lisa, I'd like you to meet some of the other finalists.
          This is Trong Van Din and Maria Diminguez.
   Maria and Trong: Hello.
   Faith: Maria is the national spelling bee champion, and Trong has
          won both the Westinghouse Talent Search and the NFL
          Punt, Pass and Kick competition.
   Lisa:  Have either of you ever run into any problems because of your superior
   Maria: Mm.
   Trong: Sure, I guess.
   Lisa:  Oh!   Me, too!  [embraces them]
   -- The plight of the superior, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Faith gives the Simpsons their VIP badges.
   Faith: These are special VIP badges.  They'll get you into places
          other tourists never see.
   Homer: Miss, what does the `I' stand for?
   Faith: Important.
   Homer: Ooh.  How about the `V'?
   Faith: Very.
   Homer: Oh.  And Miss, just one more question.
   Faith: Person.
   Homer: Ah... What does the `I' stand for again?
   -- Short term um, what's that called... ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 The family see the White House bowling alley...
   Bart: [reading a sign]  On this spot, Richard Nixon bowled
         back-to-back 300 games.
   Homer: Yeah, right.
   -- Would he lie to you?  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
   Marge: Wow, the President's bathroom...
   Lisa:  [opens a curtain, revealing our First Lady in the tub soaking]
   Babs:  [gasp]  Do you mind!
   Lisa:  Barbara Bush!
   Babs:  Ugh, you have those damn badges.  Okay... [playing tour guide]
          This tub was installed in 1894...
   -- The VIP tour, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Homer drools when they visit a plant where money is printed.
   Tour guide:  Folks, we print more than 18 million bills a day.
          Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, we don't give out free samples.
          [tour group chuckles]
   Homer: Lousy cheap country...
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 At the National Air and Space Museum, Bart plays furiously with an
 airplane control stick and makes assorted noises.
   Homer:  Bart!  Get out of the Spirit of St. Louis!
   -- Or is it Looey?  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 While Maggie is dangerously close to floating away on a George Washington
 helium balloon, the family admire the Washington Monument.
   Marge: [admiring the Washington Monument]  [chuckles]
   Homer: Hey, what's so funny?
   Marge: [whispers]
   Homer: Oh, Marge, grow up.
   -- Did he say, `up'?  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Meanwhile, in Representative Bob Arnold's office, a lobbyist presents a
 proposal to raze the Springfield National Forest for its timber, supporting
 his argument with artist's renderings.
   Well, Jerry, you're a whale of a lobbyist, and I'd like to give you a
   logging permit, I would.  But this isn't like burying toxic waste.  People
   are going to notice those trees are gone.
   -- The quandaries of a Congressman, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Jerry offers a bribe.  Arnold accepts, and says he's got a little place
 that he uses for the drop, but first, Lisa is shown in for a photo session.
   Arnold: You must be Lisa Simpson.
   Lisa:   Hello, sir.
   Arnold: Lisa, you're a doer.  And who knows, maybe someday you'll be a
           congressman or a senator.  We have quite a few women senators, you
   Lisa:   Only two.  I checked.
   Arnold: [chuckles]  You're a sharp one.
   -- Congressman Arnold has met his match?  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 The photos are taken.  (Notice Lisa's forced smile in all of them.)
   Moe:    [seeing a photo of Congressman Arnold and Lisa in the paper]
           Aw, isn't that nice.  Now <there> is a politician who cares.
   Barney: If I ever vote, it'll be for him!  [belch]
   -- Portrait of a Nonvoter, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Way early in the morning...
   Lisa:  I'm too excited to sleep.  Anyone up for the Winifred Beecher Howe
   Homer: [half asleep]  Who's that?
   Lisa:  An early crusader for women's rights.  She led the Floor Mop Rebellion
          of 1910.  Later, she appeared on the highly unpopular 75-cent piece.
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 There are no takers, so she heads there by herself.
   ``I will iron your sheets when you iron out the inequities in your labor
   laws.''  Amen, sister.
   -- Lisa reads the inscription on the Winifred Beecher Howe Memorial,
      ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 She espies Congressman Arnold taking the bribe from Jerry and tears up
 her essay, ``The roots of democracy''.

 [End of Act Two.  Time: 13:49]

 Searching for guidance, she heads for the Lincoln Memorial...
   Lisa:     [over the strains of the Battle Hymn of the Republic]
             [sees the Lincoln Memorial in the reflecting pool]
             Honest Abe, he'll show me the way.
             [goes to the memorial]
             Mr. Lincoln?
   Man:      Mr. Lincoln, I need your advice.  What can I do to make this a
             better country?
   Woman:    Is this a good time to buy a house?
   Woman:    I can't get my boy to brush proper.
   Man:      Would I look good with a mustache?
   Old man:  [takes of his hat, revealing his bald pate]
             So I tried some turpentine but that just made it worse.
   Lisa:     [trying to make herself heard over the din]
             Mr. Lincoln?  My name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 She leaves and talks to the Jefferson Memorial.
   Lisa:      Mr. Jefferson, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.
   Jefferson: I know your problem.  The Lincoln Memorial was too crowded.
   Lisa:      Sorry, sir.  It's just...
   Jefferson: No one ever comes to see me.  I don't blame them.  I never did
              anything important.  Just the Declaration of Independence,
              the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter...
   Lisa:      Uh, maybe I should be going.  I've caught you at a bad time...
   Jefferson: Wait!  Please don't go.  I get so lonely...
   -- Talking heads, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Lisa sits on the steps of the Capitol and envisions the politicians as
 cats scratching each other's backs, and pigs feeding from a trough.
 She resolves, ``The truth must be told'' and starts writing...

 Meanwhile, Bart gets a massage and has his laundry delivered.  He writes
 in a $20 tip.  Homer comes in and panics, but Bart reminds him that the
 trip is all-expenses-paid.  Homer joins Bart on the massage table.

 At the Patriots of Tomorrow Awards Banquet at the Kennedy Center, a
 piano-playing political satirist concludes his act.  (Bart complains,
 ``This guy is awful.''  Marge agrees.)  Faith introduces the judges,
 then calls Lisa to the microphone to give her essay.  Lisa storms
 in and takes the microphone.  She announces that she has a new essay,
 and recites a bitter essay on corruption in politics.  She concludes by
 telling of seeing Bob Arnold taking a bribe, and all are aghast.  Word
 gets around...
   Page:    Senator, there's a problem at the essay contest.
   Senator: Please, son, I'm very busy.
   Page:    A little girl is losing faith in democracy!
   Senator: Good Lord!
   -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Things move fast.
 1:12pm, the office of Bob Arnold:  a sting operation catches the
 congressman accepting a bribe to allow oil drilling on Mount Rushmore.
 2:05pm, FBI Headquarters, the agent is congratulated.
 2:44pm, House of Representatives...
   Speaker:  We now vote on House bill 1022, the expulsion of Bob Arnold.
   Representative:  Mr. Speaker, I'm all for the bill, but shouldn't we
       tack on a pay raise for ourselves?
   All:      No!
   -- Heed my quips...  ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 3:18pm, the White House:  The President signs the bill.
 3:39pm, the Kennedy Center:  Trong concludes his essay...
   When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no
   English and had no money in our pockets.  Today, we own a nationwide
   chain of wheel-balancing centers.  Where else but in America, or
   possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity?  That's why,
   whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded
   of that wonderful word:  flag!
   -- Trong's award-winning speech, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Marge and Homer ask Lisa what's gotten into her, and she explains that
 ``I couldn't think of a nice way to say `America stinks'.''  Homer
 picks up a newspaper...
   Imprisoned Congressman Becomes Born-Again Christian
   -- If it's in the paper, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Lisa is amazed that ``the system works''.  Before the awards ceremony,
 the singing satirist is back.
   Faith: Will the winning essay be...
          Bubble On, O Melting Pot,
          Lift High Your Lamp, Green Lady,
          USA A-OK,
          or Cesspool on the Potomac?
   Bart: Cesspool!  Cesspool!  Cesspool!  Cesspool!
   -- Awards ceremony, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington''
 Trong wins with `USA A-OK' and is presented with a $10,000 check.
 Trong points out Lisa, ``whose imflammatory rhetoric reminded us that
 the price of freedom is eternal vigilance.''  Homer yells, ``Give her
 the check!'' and all chuckle.  But he was serious...  The singing
 satirist is back again, and Bart gets him with his slingshot.
 ``Lis, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.''

 [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:48]
   Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
   in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
   remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
   the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the

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