Dead Putting Society

Dead Putting Society
                                                         Written by Jeff Martin
                                                         Directed by Rich Moore

Title sequence


    {I am not a 32 year old woman.}
    {I am not a 32 year ol} at cutoff.


    Homer says nothing when Lisa scoots past.
    Homer yells ``Auuuugh!'' when the car closes in on him.


    Everyone fits, including the pets.

Quotes and scene summary


 Homer grouses about mowing the lawn.  ``Supposed to be the boy's job.''
 Marge reminds him that Bart is doing a science experiment.
   One o'clock.  Still just a potato.
   -- Bart's science project, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Ned suggests Homer use some time-release granules to get rid of the
 crabgrass.  Homer denies that he has any.  Ned points out a few patches,
 ``There.  There.  And there's a big patch over there.''
   There's nothing wrong with crabgrass.  It just has a bad name, that's all.
   Everyone would love it if it had a cute name like, eh, `elfgrass'.
   -- Homer defending crabgrass against Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society''
   Homer: Marge, where's the Duff!?!
   Marge: Ohh, uh, we're all out, Homer.
   Homer: D'oh!
   Marge: Would you like some fruit juice?
   Homer: Don't toy with me, woman!!
   -- Homer needs refreshment while mowing the lawn, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Ned invites Homer into the Rumpus Room for some of his beer.  Homer
 accepts.  ``I deserve a little break.''  Pull back to reveal that Homer
 has mowed about twenty square feet.

 Homer is awed by the beauty of Ned's Rumpus Room.  Maude comes in with
 a tray of club sandwiches for the guys.  Ned draws a beer from his very
 own tap.
   Ned:   Here's a tasty little lager that came all the way from Holland.
   Homer: Well, buggers can't be choosy.
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Homer downs the mug and burps.  Todd comes in and thanks Ned for his help
 with his science project.  Homer drinks another beer as he watches the
 two engage in some typically Flanders-like conversation.
   Homer: All right, knock it off!
   Ned:   Knock what off, Simpson?
   Homer: You've been rubbing my nose in it since I got here!
          Your family is better than my family, your beer comes from <farther>
          away, than my beer, you and your son like each other, and your wife's
   Ned:   [gasp!]
   Homed: ... is higher than my wife's butt!  You make me sick!
   Ned:   Simpson, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.  I hope you
   Homer: I wouldn't stay on a bet! [finishes his beer, then leaves]
          [returns]  One for the road. [takes a club sandwich and leaves]
   -- a friendly visit to the Flanders rumpus room, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Homer tosses in bed.
   Homer: Lousy bragging know-it-all showoff...
   Marge: What exactly did he say?
   Homer: Get this.  He said, uh, he said...
          Well, it wasn't so much what he said; it was how he said it.
   Marge: Well, how did he say it?
   Homer: Well, he...
   Marge: Was he angry?
   Homer: No.
   Marge: Was he rude?
   Homer: Okay, okay, it wasn't how he said it, either.
   -- It's the thought that counts, ``Dead Putting Society''
 ``But the message was loud and clear:  Our family stinks.''
 Marge notes that Ned's been nothing but a perfect neighbor, and Homer
 latches onto the word `perfect' and decides to take a walk to calm down.

 Meanwhile, Ned also has difficulty sleeping.
   I drag him over here, he has a few beers...  You can't blame him for erupting.
   -- Ned Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Maude suggests she isn't the person Ned should be talking to.  So Ned
 calls Rev. Lovejoy.
   Mrs. Lovejoy: Honey, wake up.  Honey, it sounds like Ned Flanders is
                 having some sort of crisis.
   Rev. Lovejoy: Oh.  Probably stepped on a worm...
   -- Flanders calls in the middle of the night, ``Dead Putting Society''
   Ned:   I feel like I violated Matthew 19:19.
   Rev.L: Huh?
   Ned:   Love thy neighbor.
   Rev.L: Oh, Matthew <nineteen> nineteen, yeah, right, right.
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Rev. Lovejoy suggests, ``A gentle answer turneth away wrath,'' then
 immediately hangs up.  Ned sits down and writes a letter.

 Ned slips the letter under the Simpsons front door, and is startled by
 Homer, returning from his walk.  Ned apologetically gives Homer the
 letter and leaves.  Homer reads it... and laughs.

 At the breakfast table...
   Homer: [reading Ned's letter]  ``You are my brother.''
   Homer+Lisa+Bart: [giggle]
   Homer: ``I love you.''
   Homer+Lisa+Bart: [laugh]
   Homer: ``And yet, I feel a great sadness...'' [tries to stifle a giggle]
          ``... in my bosom.''
   Homer+Lisa+Bart: [finally lose it and laugh uproariously]
   -- Reading Ned's letter of apology, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Marge scolds them for laughing and excuses herself into the next room,
 where she giggles, then returns.
   Read the `bosom' part again, Dad!
   -- Lisa, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Marge tries to restore order.
   -- Bart, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Marge wishes that her family was as close as the Flanderses.  So Homer
 offers to take the family miniature golfing, followed by frosty chocolate
   Mm.  I <was> going to wash my hair...
   -- Marge, after Homer suggests the family go miniature golfing,
      ``Dead Putting Society''
   Lisa:  And I'm studying for the math fair.
          If I win, I'll bring home a brand new protractor.
   Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.
   -- Homer suggests the family go miniature golfing, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Homer takes Bart and Maggie.

 Homer putts the ball into the center hole... which deposits the ball in
 the parking lot.  A passing car kicks the ball down the street.
   Play it where it lays, Homer.
   -- Bart after Homer botches a putt, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Maggie wanders off and takes a free ride on the windmill.  Meanwhile,
 Homer struggles with a mechanical ape obstacle.
   Give up homeboy, there's a six stroke limit.
   -- Bart after Homer botches a putt, ``Dead Putting Society''
 The ball goes up the ramp... bangs off the ape's opening-and-closing
 mouth... and returns to the tee.  Homer hops angrily.  Ned and Todd
 stop by.
   Todd: Hi Bart!
   Bart: Get bent.
   -- friendly greetings at the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society''
   Ned:   Oh say, you look like you were having a little trouble there.
   Homer: That shot is impossible!  Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it!
   -- at the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Todd suggests playing more conservatively.  Go around, rather than through
 the obstacle, ``setting yourself up for an easy deuce.''  Todd does so,
 and manages to get a hole-in-one.

 They reach Ye End of Course.
   Bart:  Final score.  Bart, forty-one.  Homer... let's see...
          six plus six plus six plus six plus six plus...
   Homer: Never mind!
   -- leaving the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society''
 They spot a sign for a miniature golf tournament.
   Todd:  Wow!  First prize fifty dollars!
   Bart:  Wow!  Free balloons for everyone who enters!
   -- A matter of perspective, ``Dead Putting Society''
   Ned:   So, my little Bartly, thinking of entering the tournament?
   Homer: Yeah, he's entering.
          And what's more, he's going to win, aren't you, boy?
   Bart:  I guess it's possible...
   Ned:   Hey hey, I like that confidence.
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Ned notes that Todd is a rather good player.
   Oh yeah?  Well I think the fruit of my loins can beat the fruit of your loins
   any day of the week!  C'mon boy!
   -- Homer tells off Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society''
 At the soda fountain.
   Bart:   But Dad!  I've never won anything in my life!
   Homer:  Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this.  It is <not>
           okay to lose!
   -- The ghost of Vince Lombardi? ``Dead Putting Society''
 [End of Act One.  Time: 8:59]
   Keep your head down, follow through. [Bart putts and misses]
   Okay, that didn't work.  This time, move your head and don't follow through.
   -- Homer giving putting advice, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Marge and Lisa watch disapprovingly from the house.

 Practice over, Bart returns to his room and tosses his putter carelessly
   Homer: What are you doing!  That putter is to you what a bat is
          to a baseball player!  What a violin is... to the... the guy that...
          the violin guy!  Now c'mon!  Give your putter a name.
   Bart:  What?
   Homer: C'mon, give it a name.
   Bart:  Mister Putter.
   Homer: D'oh...  You wanna try a little harder son?  C'mon give it a girl's
   Bart:  Mom.
   Homer: Your putter's name is Charlene!
   Bart:  Why?
   Homer: It just is, that's why!  Now this, is a picture of your enemy,
          Todd Flanders.  Every day, I want you to spend fifteen minutes
          staring at it.  And concentrating on how much you hate him, and how
          glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!
   Bart:  Who's Charlene?
   Homer: [raises the putter, about to wallop Bart with it]
          I'll show you who Charlene is!  Now start hating!
   Bart:  Grrrrrrrr... rrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!  [loses enthusiasm]
   -- a pep talk, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Todd says hello from his room.

 Homer raids the fridge.
   Marge: Homer, I couldn't help overhearing you warp Bart's mind.
   Homer: And?
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
   Marge: I'm worried that you're making too big a deal of this silly little
          kiddie golf tournament.
   Homer: But Marge, but this is our big chance to show up the Flandereses. [sic]
   Marge: Well, I'm sure it is, but why do we want to do that?
   Homer: Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by
          making someone else look bad.  And I'm tired of making other people feel
          good about themselves!
   -- Marge concerned over Homer's tactics, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Bart surveys his less-than-impressive awards shelf.
   Bart: Hey Lis, whaddya call those guys in chess that don't matter.
   Lisa: Well, a blockaded bishop is of little value, but I think you're
         referring to a pawn.
   Bart: Right.  I am a pawn.
   Lisa: Hmm... I know.  It's times like this that I'm thankful Dad has little
         to no interest in almost everything I do.
         Bart, I think I can help you.
   -- Lisa offers some sisterly advice, ``Dead Putting Society''
 ``Our journey begins here at the library.''  She greets everyone, then
 heads for the card catalog.
   Golf...  `Anecdotes'... `Eisenhower and'... `fishing'... `humor'...
   `Japanese obsession with'...  Ah, here it is... `Putting'.
   -- Lisa, looking through card catalog under `Golf', ``Dead Putting Society''
   Bart: Lisa, we can't afford all these books!
   Lisa: Bart, we're just gonna borrow them.
   Bart: Oh... heh, heh... gotcha!  [wink]
   -- in the library, ``Dead Putting Society''
 As haunting music plays, Bart and Lisa sit in the lotus position
 alongside a lake.
   Lisa: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
   Bart: Okay.
   Lisa: Embrace nothingness.
   Bart: You got it.
   Lisa: Become like an uncarved stone.
   Bart: Done.
   Lisa: Bart, you're just pretending to know what I'm talking about!
   Bart: True.
   Lisa: Well, it's very frustrating!
   Bart: I'll bet.
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Lisa and Bart sit atop a mountain.
   Lisa: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
   Bart: Piece of cake.  [claps with one hand]
   Lisa: No, Bart, it's a 3000-year-old riddle with no anwer.
         It's supposed to clear your mind of conscious thought.
   Bart: No answer?  Lisa, listen up!  [claps with one hand]
   -- Solving unsolved problems, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Lisa tries again.
   Lisa: If a tree falls in the woods and no one's around, does it make a sound?
   Bart: Absolutely!  [makes the sound of a tree falling]
   Lisa: But Bart, how can sound exist if there's no one there to hear it.
   Bart: Wooooooo...
   Lisa: [hands Bart his putter] It is time.
   -- Bart finally gets it, ``Dead Putting Society''
 At the miniature golf course, Lisa takes out a measuring tape.
   Lisa: The basis of this game seems to be simple geometry.  All you have
         to do is hit the ball... here.
         [Tap] [Clunk-clunk] [Clunk-clunk] [Duh-dunk]
   Bart: I can't believe it.
         You've actually found a practical use for geometry!
   -- at the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Bart sinks several more putts.  Lisa holds an umbrella over Bart as he
 putts.  The course rained out, they practice on a pool table.  Back at
 the course, Bart sinks a putt blindfolded and standing on one leg.
 Bart poses on the garbage can in the backyard.  Homer tells him to stop
 before the neighbors see, but too late.  Ned asks what's up, and Homer
 promises that Bart will mop the floor with Todd's butt.
   Ned:   May the best man win.
   Homer: ``May the best man win.''  The mating call of the loser!
   -- From one who should know, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Homer dares Ned to bet on the outcome, so Ned offers to wager one of Maude's
 wind chimes against a batch of Marge's blueberry muffins.  Homer asks Ned
 to make a ``real'' bet and makes chicken sounds for quite a long time.
   Simpson, you're starting to annoy me.
   -- Ned Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Yelling at the top of their lungs, the two agree to make the father of the
 loser mow the winner's lawn in his wife's Sunday dress.  Marge reluctantly
 draws up the terms of the agreement.  Ned suggests they phrase the bet as
 ``the father of the boy who doesn't win'' to avoid hurt feelings.  Marge
 writes up the bet and asks, ``I hope blood won't be necessary.''  Once
 Ned steps outside, he asks himself, ``Good gravy, what have I done?''

 Homer, Bart, and Lisa are at the miniature golf course yet again.
   Homer: Keep your left arm straight, Bart!  Rotate your shoulders!
   Lisa+Bart: Daaaad!
   Homer: Look son, all I'm asking is that you try.
   Bart:  Ok, I'll try.
   Homer: D'oh!  Anybody can try!  I want you to <win>!
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Bart swats at the ball, which bounces off an obstacle and careens back
 towards Homer, who ducks out of the way.

 Homer fishes through the closet.  He holds up two of Marge's dresses.
 ``Give me your honest opinion.  This... or this?''

 [End of Act Two.  Time: 15:15]

 Homer stands vigil over Bart's bed.  Bart wakes up, sees Homer, and
 screams.  Homer gently reminds Bart that today is the day of the
 tournament, and less gently threatens Bart that he'd better win.
 Downstairs, Marge prepares a breakfast of steak and eggs.
 Homer reads the paper...
   Heh heh heh.  That crazy Marmaduke.
   -- Homer reads the morning paper, ``Dead Putting Society''
 ... while Lisa drills Bart one last time.
   Lisa: Eighth hole.
   Bart: Aim for the octopus, third tentacle.
   Lisa: Twelfth hole.
   Bart: Bank it off the pink tombstone.
   Lisa: Nirvanha.
   Bart: A state of bliss obtained through the extinction of the self.
   -- pre-game drills, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Lisa refuses to let Bart eat steak and eggs.  Bart is on a strict diet
 of complex carbohydrates; steak will make him logey.  Lisa suggests a
 breakfast of oatmeal.
   Lisa:  Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she
          wins the Kentucky Derby.
   Homer: Newsflash, Lisa, Bart is not a horse!
   -- the breakfast table the day of the contest, ``Dead Putting Society''
 ``Eat your steak, boy.''

 Tournament preparations are complete.
   Good afternoon everybody, and welcome to the finale of what has already been
   a stirring afternoon of miniature golf.  The cream has risen.  The
   wheat has bid farewell to the chaff.  And now, we approach the
   championship match where but two warriors remain:  The heretofore
   unknown Bart Simpson and Todd Flanders, one of the most skilled
   ten-year-olds to ever take back the blade.
   -- K.B.B.L. announcer, ``Dead Putting Society''
   Lisa: Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself,
         I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound.  But here goes.
         I believe in you.
   Bart: Thanks, man.
   -- pre-game pep talk, ``Dead Putting Society''
   Hey Flanders, it's no use praying.  I already did the same thing, and
   we can't <both> win.
   -- Homer, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Ned explains that they were merely praying that no one gets hurt.
 (At a golf tournament?)
   Homer: This time tomorrow, you'll be wearing high heels!
   Ned:   Nope, <you> will.
   Homer: 'Fraid not.
   Ned:   'Fraid so!
   Homer: 'Fraid not.
   Ned:   'Fraid so!
   Homer: 'Fraid not infinity!
   Ned:   'Fraid so infinity plus one!
   Homer: D'oh!
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Todd tees of first and sinks a hole-in-one.  Bart says to himself, ``Tree
 falling in the woods...  Tree falling in the woods...  Tree falling in
 the...''  He putts without looking.  And sinks a hole-in-one.

 The battle continues to the final hole.
   If one looks up courage in the Oxford English Dictionary, one might very
   well come upon a photo of these two gladiators.  They approach the final
   hole in the shadow of the Great Emancipator, deadlocked at eight strokes
   on the happy side of par.  Soon, one man will emerge triumphant; he will
   drink naught but champagne, while his opponent tastes bitter defeat in
   this oft cruel game.
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 Todd's putt lands a few feet from the hole.  Next up is Bart.
   Homer: Remember what Vince Lombardi said:
          If you lose you're out of the family!
   Marge: Homer!  [slap]
   Homer: Ow.
   -- words of encouragement during the golf match, ``Dead Putting Society''
 The ball heads for the obstacle.  All gasp as it appears it won't make
 it through.  Then all breathe a sigh of relief when it does.  Bart's
 ball lands about the same distance from the hole as Todd's.
   Bart: This is pretty tense, isn't it, Todd.
   Todd: Yeah, my knees are shaking, I got butterflies in my stomach...
         But I guess this builds character.
   Bart: Who wants to build character?  Let's quit!
   Todd: Okay.
   -- ``Dead Putting Society''
 The two pick up their balls and announce that they wish to declare the
 match a draw.  After a brief consultation of the rule book, the judge
   This is the most stirring display of gallantry and sportsmanship since
   Mountbatten gave India back to the Punjabs.
   -- Tearful announcer, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Bart and Todd are each presented with a novelty check for $25.
 Ned is relieved that the bet is off, but Homer sticks to the letter
 of the bet:  Since Todd didn't win, Ned has to mow the lawn.  Ned
 reminds Homer that he must do the same, and Homer says it's a small
 price to pay.

 As a crowd of onlookers cheer and hoot, Ned and Homer mow each other's
 lawns wearing their respective wives' Sunday dress.  The other family
 members look on embarrassed.  (Except for Bart, who seems to be enjoying
   Mm.  My best dress...
   -- Marge watches Homer mow the lawn in her Sunday dress,
      ``Dead Putting Society''
   Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?
   -- Lisa watching Homer mow the lawn in Marge's dress, ``Dead Putting Society''
 Homer is profoundly humiliated, but Ned chuckles, the situation reminding
 him of the stunts from his college days.  Moans Homer, ``Oh my God, he's
 enjoying it!''

 [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:47]

Voice credits


    Dan Castellaneta    (Homer, Gil, Grampa)
    Julie Kavner        (Marge, Granma Bouvier, Patty and Selma)
    Nancy Cartwright    (Bart, the Todd-Meister)
    Yeardley Smith      (Lisa)
    \:    and
    Harry Shearer       (Ned Flanders, Rev. Lovejoy)

Also Starring

    Maggie Roswell      (Maude Flanders)

Not credited

    Tress MacNeille     (Helen Lovejoy?)

Didja notice...

    ... the beer mug at Flander's house is labelled, `Macho Mug'?
    ... Ned's note paper is labelled, ``From the `noggin' of Ned''?
    ... when Homer misses the putt, he hops and waves his arms just like
        the big mechanical ape that is the obstacle he's trying to clear?
    ... when Todd waves `Hi Bart!', the pose is identical to the picture
        that Bart was growling at?
    ... Lisa and Bart are yanked off a pool table by a makeup-less Krusty?
        In the background, Jimbo, Kerny and Dolph can be seen shooting pool.
    ... a Duff truck drives by the golf course?
    ... Todd's name is engraved on his putter?
    ... the date on the checks that Bart and Todd receive for winning the
        golf tournament is Nov 8, 1990, even though the episode first
        aired on 15 Nov 90? [David Goldreich]
    ... the checks were made out to $25 each, even though they really ought
        to have been $30 each, since the first prize was $50 and the
        second prize was $10?
    ... the tournament was held on Saturday, but 8 Nov 90 is a Thursday? @{dwt}

Movie (and other) References

    * Full Metal Jacket
        - Homer names Bart's putter `Charlene'.
    * The Karate Kid
        - Bart poses in the `crane' position.
        - Ned calls, ``Mercy is for the weak.'' @{cjb}

Freeze Frame Fun

Bart's science experiment

    . 11:00 Start experiment
    . 11:30 Still just a potatoe
    . 12:00 \:  "
    . 12:30 \:  "
    .\01:00 \:  "

Ned Flanders' pre-programmed telephone

    * Reverend (home)
    * Reverend (work)
    * Recycling Center
    * Bookmobile

Sir Putt-A-Lot's Merrie Olde Fun Centre

    * [I can't read the writing on the sign]
    * Please do not [unclear].  Thank you -- management.


    . 1st Prize: $50
    . 2nd Prize: $10
    . 3rd Prize: $5
    . 4th Prize: 1/2 price [obscured]


Bart's award shelf

    * ribbon: ``6th place''
    * ribbon: ``runner-up''
    * trophy: ``4th place''
    * ribbon: ``honorable mention''
    * ribbon: ``participant''
    * trophy: ``everbody gets a trophy day''

The golf tournament

Chris Baird @{cjb} presents the tournament tree.
[SIMPSON ]   \
              - [SIMPSON ] \
[ MONROE ]   /              \
                              -- [SIMPSON ]
[ PRINCE ]   \              /               \
              - [ WIGGUM ] /                 \
[ WIGGUM ]   /                                \
                                                -- [          ]
[FLANDERS]   \                                /
              - [FLANDERS] \                 /
[ MELON  ]   /              \               /
                              -- [FLANDERS]
[  LONG  ]   \              /
              - [  LONG  ] /
[obscured]   /
    <Simpson                                                \cr
    \_         |@                                           \cr
    <          |@|Simpson                                   \cr
               |@|\_      |@                                \cr
    <Monroe    |@|        |@                                \cr
    \_         |@|        |@                                \cr
    <          | |        |@|Simpson                        \cr
               | |        |@|\_      |@                     \cr
    <Prince    | |        |@|        |@                     \cr
    \_         |@|        |@|        |@                     \cr
    <          |@|Wiggum  |@|        |@                     \cr
               |@|\_      |@|        |@                     \cr
    <Wiggum    |@|        | |        |@                     \cr
    \_         |@|        | |        |@                     \cr
    <          | |        | |        |@|\phantom{Flanders}  \cr
               | |        | |        |@|\_                  \cr
    <Flanders  | |        | |        |@                     \cr
    \_         |@|        | |        |@                     \cr
    <          |@|Flanders| |        |@                     \cr
               |@|\_      |@|        |@                     \cr
    <Melon     |@|        |@|        |@                     \cr
    \_         |@|        |@|        |@                     \cr
    <          | |        |@|Flanders|@                     \cr
               | |        |@|\_      |@                     \cr
    <Long      | |        |@                                \cr
    \_         |@|        |@                                \cr
    <          |@|Long    |@                                \cr
               |@|\_      |@                                \cr
    <[obscured]|@                                           \cr
    \_         |@                                           \cr

Chris Baird adds, ``Interesting to note that Martin [Prince] was
eliminated in the first round. It also implies that Dr. Monroe and Chief
Wiggum have progeny... I wonder who they are?''  [Also Ms. Melon from the
Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children. --rjc]

Note, though, that golf tournaments are rarely single-elimination.
It takes too long. @{rjc}

The golf course

    | As proposed by Gregg Townsend @{gmt}.                             \ddt

    .\01.  Alligator, standing, with boxing gloves.
           Split-level; center hole leads to parking lot.

    .\0?.  Giant skull.  Shoot through missing front teeth.

    .\0?.  Windmill.

    .\0?.  Lighthouse.

    .\05.  Eiffel Tower.

    .\06.  Big ape.  Arms move, mouth closes; ramp leads up to mouth.
           ``So difficult that Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it.''

    .\07.  Pirate, with sword and hooked arm.  Treasure chest on island.

    .\08.  ``Aim for the octopus, third tentacle.''

    .\0?.  Dinosaur eating a caveman.  Rectangular zig-zag between legs.
          ``Finally, a practical use for geometry.''
           Sign reads, ``Do not climb on statuary.''

    .\0?.  Great Sphinx.  Pyramidal obstacles.
           Sphinx has ``The Great Sphinx'' carved on in, in case you didn't
           recognize it.
           Sign reads, ``One of the Seven Wonders of the World''

    .\0?.  Large shoe.  (The old woman who lives in a shoe?)

    . 12. Graveyard with revolving Angel of Death.
          ``Bank it off the pink tombstone.''

    .\0?. Itchy and Scratchy in the explosives factory.

    .\0?. Twin cooling towers with atom decoration.

    . 18. Abe Lincoln swinging his legs.

Animation goofs

The positions of Bart's and Todd's balls change on the last hole.

Comments and other observations

The montage of Bart's progress

Although she didn't know it, Lisa was in fact breaking the rules of golf
by holding an umbrella over Bart as he putted.

Boring distribution restrictions

Episode summaries Copyright 1991--1993 by Raymond Chen.
Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission.
(The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons,
and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.
I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)

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Howard Jones( on Sat 10 Sept 1994