[1F05] Bart's Inner Child

Bart's Inner Child                                      Written by George Meyer
                                                       Directed by Bob Anderson
Production code: 1F05                       Original airdate in N.A.: 11-Nov-93
                                                   Capsule revision I, 3-Feb-96

Title sequence

Blackboard :- None due to shortened intro.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- OFF runs in to find a very fat man sitting on the couch.
              He moves a tiny bit to his right, and the family sits to
              his left all scrunched together.

Did you notice...

    ... the hose in the mudpit in Homer's dream?
    ... Marge sleeps naked?
    ... Troy McClure's other self-help videos are "Smoke Yourself Thin"
        and "Get Confident, Stupid"?
    ... Homer is reading a copy of "Owning Your Okayness"?
    ... the sermon topic at the church is "Be Like Unto The Boy"?

Dave Hall:
    ... everything is actually marked "free" under the free column?
    ... the trampoline is in larger type than the other "free" items?
    ... Homer literally washes his whole head in the seltzer from
        Krusty's doorbell?
    ... the kids in Homer's fantasy are actually paying the $50
        admission price?
    ... the sound of Otto's bones cracking?
    ... Marge nearly runs over Ned?
    ... Homer's hair strands are unfurled at the festival?
    ... the person, in the mob, whacking people with a board with a nail
        in it?

Andrew Ross:
    ... the bridge-spitters are apparently causing lots of car crashes?
    ... Smithers' glasses fog up just before he declares his love for

Don Del Grande:
    ... Wendell (the pale kid) manages to jump on the trampoline without
        feeling sick?
    ... when Patty and Selma go through the fair naked on a horse,
        neither one had shaved her legs?
    ... Ned's phone number is 519-3444?

Juha Terho:
    ... Maggie eats with her pacifier at the breakfast table?
    ... the light streaming through the clouds when Rod and Todd ask
        what have they done to make God angry?
    ... Troy McClure wears a microphone?
    ... the woman who is with Quimby poses for Captain McAllister?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Krusty, Quimby, Abe, Willy)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty, Selma)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Ralph, Todd, Rod, Kearney)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Snake, Moe, Apu, Carl, Wiggum, Worker, hot-dog boy,
    - Harry Shearer (Otto, Burns, Lenny, Flanders, Skinner, Jasper,
      Lovejoy, Captain McAllister, Hibbert)
- Special Guest Voice
    - James Brown (himself)
    - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure)
    - Marcia Wallace (Mrs. Krabappel)
- Also Starring
    - A. Brooks (Brad Goodman, McGonigle)
    - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Wendell, Jimbo)
    - Russi Taylor (Martin)

Movie (and other) references

  + "Gone with the Wind" {rc}
    - shot of trampoline-stricken kids looked like shot of injured
      soldiers after the burning of Atlanta
  + Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner
    - Homer pushing the trampoline off the cliff
    "Saturday Night Live"
    - Goodman using fingers as quotation marks (cf. Chris Farley in a
      couple of Weekend Updates)
  + "I'm OK, You're OK"
  + "Semi-Tough"
    - after-brownie exchange between Marge and Homer
    - run-away ferris wheel
  + "The Ten Commandments"
    - women reveling on gold idol of Brad Goodman
    "Dirty Harry"
    - McGonigle is a cop, and his voice (and his lines!) sounds like
      Clint Eastwood

Previous episode references

- [7G07], [7F24] The whole town is after Bart's head
- [7G08], [7F23], [8F14], [9F11] Lisa to Bart: "Quit it!  Quit it!  Quit
  it!"  {jt}
- [7F03], [8F14] Bart makes faces {jt}
- [7F11], [8F03] Someone other than Bart says, "Eat my shorts!"  {jt}
- [7F12] Marge dresses like a Hippie {jt}
- [7F16], [7F17], [1F02] A zoo is visited {jt}
- [7F18] A Simpson parent wanting to know the truth about him/herself
  and the kids are trying to sugar-coat it and avoid the question {jt}
- [7F22] The family thinking about the moral of the story at the end of
  an episode written by George Meyer
- [8F04] Carl: "And how!"  {jl}
- [8F06] Homer's circular saw {jt}
- [8F07], [9F18] Mayor Quimby with chicks in a Springfield festival {jt}
- [8F08], [8F20] The unshaved legs of Patty and Selma {jt}
- [8F09], [1F04] Germans in Springfield {jt}
- [8F10] Willy with "Caution: Well" sign (cf. Homer's "Caution" sign)
- [8F20] Krusty's joke centering on "pianist" (cf. "Enos") {jt}
- [8F22] Spitting on cars {jt}
- [9F18] Deliberate misquoting of the bible {jt}
- [9F19], [9F21] The crazy old man appears {jt}
- [1F02] Homer gets mad at Dean Bitterman on TV (cf. "You stupid
  chief!")  {jt}

Freeze frame fun

- The "For Free" column: {ddg}
In the "Free Column" (these are
pretty much as they appeared):          In the other two columns (modified):
Elegant dining rm. set serves
5, Chip & Dale antiques call            Lear Jet $20
Erik in the evening   K19-3457
Feather Pillows soft like new           Iodin (sic) 20 gallons $10
FREE!                 K19-9876
Feather duster FREE!                    Itchy and Scratchy Collectors Mug,
                      K19-3211          1993 edition $4000
Feather Boa once owned by
Sally Rand sec. Free! Free!!            Jackson guitar, beautiful condition,
Free!!!               K19-3243          plays like a dream, $400
Flame Thrower Vietnam Era
Orig. takes reg. unleaded               Camel, two humped beauty, sacrifice
FREE                  K19-7677          for $1000 or trade for chandelier
Fat Boy Bomb call Herman
FREE!!!               K19-4327
        534 CENTER ST
Greatful Dead tix Capitol City
free                  K19-8888
Grave digger's lantern
free                  K19-6667
Good news bible, FREE!!!
ask for Ned           K19-3444
Good N' Plenty Collection
dates back to 1963, free
Gilbert & Sullivan manuscript
orig. draft of H.M.S. Pinafore

- The signs in Homerland: {rc}
    - Admission $50
    - Trampoline World
    - Muckville USA
    - Fort Adventure (made from the free soiled mattresses) When the
      electrical outlet is pulled out of the wall, notice Marge and
      Maggie have identical facial expressions in that scene, right down
      to their eyes blinking.  {ddg}
- Shots in Lisa's flashback of Marge:
    - 1: [8F19] "Colonel Homer"
    - 2: [8F17] "Dog of Death"
    - 3: [8F17] "Dog of Death"
    - 4: [8F17] "Dog of Death"
    - 7: [9F01] "Homer the Heretic"
- The "Feel Bad Rainbow": {rc}
    - Depression
    - Insomnia
    - Motor-Mouth
    - Darting Eyes
    - Indecisiveness
    - Decisiveness
    - Uncontrollable Falling Down
    - Geriatric Profanity Disorder (GPD)
    - Chronic Nagging
- The people in the audience at Brad Goodman's workshop: {ddg}
    - Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Grampa, Miss Hoover, Dr. Hibbert, Hans
      Moleman, Mrs. Krabappel (is the man sitting next to her a known
      character?), Sideshow Mel, Mayor Quimby (with two "guards"), Mr.
      Burns, Smithers, Apu, Lenny, Principal Skinner, Skinner's mother,
      Moe, Ned, Maude, Jasper, and the "Crazy Old Man"
    - Tom Collins adds that Barney is also there.
- Animals escaping from the zoo: {dh}
    - polar bear, monkey, ape, snake, camel, moose, birds, lion,

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

Krusty lives in a house now; in "Krusty Gets Kancelled", he lived in an
apartment.  {ddg}

The trash can, that Homer knocked over, disappears from across the
street of Krusty's home.  {dh}

Homer's car isn't seen when Homer is talking to Krusty on Krusty's
doorstep.  {dh}

Homer's front left bumper and light on his car aren't smashed when he
leaves Krusty's house.  {dh}

Bart sees Homer through the open bedroom window, yet behind the house
this window is closed.  {dh}

A trash can appears next to the house in one scene where Marge watches
Homer, Bart and Lisa on the trampoline.  {dh}

When Milhouse and Nelson are on the trampoline, it doesn't move up and
down, but appears as if they're jumping on something solid.  {ddg}

Just how big is the Simpsons backyard?  (Re: the shot of the yard full
of injured kids) {ddg}

When Bart chains up the trampoline, he simply has it chained around a
short pipe.  Why does Snake cut the chain instead of just lifting it
over the top of the pipe?  {bd}

Krusty's shotgun only appears when he needed it.  {dh}

Homer & Marge's bedroom window normally faces the front of the house, so
Jimbo and Kearney couldn't jump on Homer's car -- which shouldn't be
parked under the window, anyway.

Whoever drew Martha Quinn needs his/her eyes checked.  {ddg}

Typical goof of hearing clapping and cheering from a visibly quiet
audience.  {dh}

Skinner's hair looks a little greyer than usual.  {ddg}

How would Lisa know how to act like a "good-natured doormat"?  {ddg}

When Quimby is talking about the woman he's sleeping with, her hands are
in front of her.  Just before she bows for the camera, her hands are
magically behind her back.

Nobody in the band is moving their instruments (no trombones sliding, no
drumsticks hitting drums) when James Brown is singing.  {ddg}

The Ferris Wheel only appears for that one sight gag.  {dh}

When the Ferris Wheel breaks free, Sherri and Terri were on it, and all
of the seats are filled, but when it hits the zoo gate, they aren't on
it, and one of the seats is empty.  {ddg}

How did Homer get Bart into the float through the chicken wire?  {ddg}


Andrew Ross: All other Simpsons episodes should try to be more like this
    week's episode.  It was good enough, it was smart enough, and
    doggone it, I loved it!  The best of the season.  There was
    potential for a real snoozer when Rev. Lovejoy was learning to play
    "The Entertainer" on the organ.  I was cringing and praying they
    wouldn't show all twelve tries until he got it right.  But *sigh of
    relief* they dodged the bullet and only let him start over twice,
    which was plenty.  They've also learned how to refer to clip shows
    without overkill.  Good OFF.

Ron Carter: (D+) Yikes!  It's either good or bad this season, with no
    middle ground.  A shaky start (the trampoline) that gets shakier
    after the plot (self help) change.  Lousy refs, some chuckles here
    and there, but uneasy all the way through.  And no more couches?

Carl Frank: This episode seemed to lack *punch*.  The best part was the
    wonderful cinematic technique reference at the end of Act 1 where
    Marge is focusing on nagging, only to have her sister inform her
    "Sorry it (the TV) does that sometimes."  [...] But, although it was
    a parody of self-help with Lisa as the sole dissenter, the story
    never really went full circle: the problems Lisa warned of were not
    necessarily what doomed the town, and the lesson was not necessarily
    learned by OFF.  In general, they went from a season of references
    to a merely ok episode with few, and there may be a connection.
    Rating: B-.

Steve Portigal: Well once again, I really enjoyed Act I, and then it got
    tired.  It was cute, I loved the self-help parody, especially the
    scene with the pan of brownies.  I didn't think it was a great
    episode.  Only marginally better than Cape Feare.  But I'm still
    smiling from last week and the week before and hell from years

Don Del Grande: It seemed to me as if this episode was two separate
    stories squeezed into a single show; the trampoline story suddenly
    ended when the Brad Goodman story started to go anywhere.  At least
    in "Rosebud", the Bobo story was worked into the Burns' Birthday
    story, but here it was "OK, forget about the trampoline, let's
    concentrate on the self-help guy".  And to top it all off, the
    "McGonigle" ending was another complete change in direction.  Not
    one of the better shows so far this season.

John J. Wood: Well, this is one week I cannot argue with any negative
    opinions.  Like one poster noted, I thought the episode lacked punch
    in general, but like "A Streetcar Named Marge", I thought the last
    two segments fell flat, particularly in terms of plot (just what
    happens to Brad Goodman?), and the Bart vs. crowd scene was a pure
    rehash of the old Jebediah Springfield episode.  Then again, the
    trampoline scenes & Troy McClure were great...:-)

Aditya Sood: To coin a Pacino-esque phrase, "HOO-HAH!"  Yet another
    hilarious Simpsons episode!.  I must say that all fo the episodes
    (yes, even Cape Freare and Homer Goes to College) earn very high
    marks from me.  They just keep getting better, and better and

Jeff Miller: I'd give this episode an F. You know that when the Sinbad
    show is funnier than the Simpsons, they've reached an all-time low.
    There were lousy refs (as mentioned), the only decent one was when
    Bart and Homer went into the float, and it looked like it was going
    to be a takeoff of Animal House, and they did nothing with it!
    Furthermore, I can't think of any part of this episode that was
    quotable.  A real disappointment compared to last week's quite good

Chris Phelan: I give this an A-/B+, and I was one of the bigtime
    bitchers when it came to Homer Goes to College and the horrendous
    B#'s.  I like the fact this episode wasn't one theme the whole
    time.  They used to do more of this in the earlier seasons.  It
    makes the show less predictable.  As for the parody of self-help
    stuff, this is where the Simpsons is at its best -- intelligent
    poking at society.

Yours truly: I didn't like it.  As always, I was laughing my ass off at
    certain parts: Homer washing himself in seltzer, "Each leap brings
    us closer to God!", "If this were a cartoon...", "Passive-aggressive
    co-culprit" and "That makes me feel validated" conversation.  But
    the whole trampoline thing was gratuitous to the rest of the plot.
    And everyone imitates Bart?  Come off it -- enemies of the Simpsons
    would eat this show up!  "See?  The whole humor in the show is Bart
    being rude!"  Overall, this episode seemed hastily thrown together.
    I give it D.

Comments and other observations

Krusty's limerick

Ron Carter says "There once was a man named Enis..." is a variant of the
    old gag, "You've heard of Elvis the Pelvis?  I'm his cousin Enis..."

Owning a trampoline

Don Del Grande opines, "In reality, Homer couldn't afford the insurance
    on a trampoline; it's questionable as to whether or not Mr. Burns
    could afford the insurance on a trampoline.  (I know this from
    experience: in 1977, the high school I attended suddenly announced
    that they had to get rid of all trampoline activities in P.E.
    classes and get rid of its trampolines because the insurance costs
    suddenly skyrocketed.)"

Brad Goodman himself

Kristen Mirenda says, "Brad Goodman is a specific reference to John
    Bradshaw, bestselling author (`Homecoming' et al.) whose books
    popularized the notion of the `inner child'.  Bradshaw is also
    notable for using ridiculously simplistic line drawings to
    illustrate his points (cf. the circle Goodman draws on the
    blackboard) and, like Goodman, for having practically no
    professional training or credentials."


Don Del Grande writes, "Brad Goodman saying `nagging' over and over
    again can only be caused by two things: either he ran out of
    material and is trying to pad the 30 minutes, or the station's laser
    disc player is skipping."

Fortified wine

Carl Frank notes that Troy McClure was drinking fortified wine, which
    lately has been controversial in big cities.  Steve Portigal asks,
    "Is that why only people in big cities should try self-improvement?"

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Ricardo Lafaurie and Frederic Briere.]

At the breakfast table, Bart makes faces at Lisa to annoy her.  She asks
him repeatedly to stop, but he ignores her.  "Mom!"  Lisa calls, "Bart's
making faces!"  Marge asks Bart to stop it and tells Homer to speak to
him.  But Homer's too busy making faces at Santa's Little Helper and
Snowball II.  "Stupid animals," he scoffs.

Tiring of that, Homer picks up the newspaper and sighs, "Ah...the daily
newspaper."  He turns to the "FOR FREE" section.

Ooh!  The Springfield Men's Shelter is giving away sixty soiled
-- Homer reads the "FOR FREE" section of the paper, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge asks Homer why he bothers reading that section of the paper.
"They never have anything good."  But as she finishes, Homer gasps at an
ad he has just spied: "FREE TRAMPOLINE, 534 Center St."

Homer: Oh my God!
 Lisa: What is it?
Homer: Tramapoline!  Trampopoline!  [runs out]
 Bart: He said what now?
Marge: Please, don't bring home any more old crutches!
-- Homer gets excited over a free trampoline, "Bart's Inner Child"

Homer drives at breakneck speed to the address given in the paper.  On
the way, he spies a car backing out of a driveway.  "Oh no you don't,"
he vows, "that trampoline is mine!" as he plows into the right rear side
of the other car and knocks it on its side.

Once he arrives, he hastily parks on the other side of the road and
runs, panting, to the front door.  When he pushes the doorbell button,
the noise it makes is the same as the one a bicycle horn makes, and a
jet of water sprays him in the face.  Homer is confused; he presses the
doorbell again, and the same thing happens.  Finally understanding, he
begins to laugh, and holds down the button while a jet of water sprays
him continuously.  He lets it splash over different parts of his head
while he giggles with merriment.

But the owner of the house finally answers the door.  It's Krusty!
"Hey!" he reprimands upon seeing Homer dousing himself, "that seltzer
ain't free!"  Homer is surprised to find who lives in the house:
"Krusty!"  The jovial clown laughs, "That's me!"

Krusty: You here for the trampoline?
 Homer: Yeah.  What's the deal?
Krusty: Well, I used to do a lot of tumbling in my act, but I'm phasing
        it out for more dirty limericks: "There once was a man named
-- Krusty gives away a trampoline, "Bart's Inner Child"

Homer thinks it's too good to be true: "And I can just haul it away,
free?"  Krusty assures him, "It's all yours," and laughs evilly.  Homer
drives away with the trampoline strapped to the roof, and Krusty peeks
out from behind a curtain to make sure Homer is well and truly gone.

Back at home, Bart sits in his room with Santa's Little Helper.  As Bart
pets his dog, he hears a "Hi, son" coming from the direction of his
window.  He looks up, and Homer appears quickly at the window and says,
"Hi, son" again before disappearing again.  "Wow!" exclaims Bart,
realizing Homer is bouncing on the trampoline.  He runs outside to where
Homer has set it up.  Lisa is already watching Homer enjoying himself.
"I can't believe it!" says Bart incredulously.

Dad, this one gesture almost makes up for years of shaky fathering!
-- Lisa, after Homer gets a trampoline for the family, "Bart's Inner

The three of them get on the trampoline at the same time and bounce

Bart: I will _never_ get tired of this!
Lisa: I'm going to have my wedding here!
-- The children play on the trampoline, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge watches the antics of the three.

Marge: I don't know if this is a good idea.
Homer: Marge, it's the perfect exercise!  It'll double the value of our
       house, and it was free!  Free!
-- Why trampolines are good, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge is still worried: "Are you sure it's safe?"  Homer stops bouncing
and says, "Absolutely.  And this is just the beginning...I've got some
big plans."

In Homer's plans, we see Homer standing below a crudely painted sign
announcing, "Homerland, Admission $50".  He collects the admission fee
from Ralph Wiggum, who's at the head of a long line of children waiting
to get in.  At "Trampoline Wold", Martin, Sherri, Terri, and another boy
bounce happily on the trampoline.  At "Muckville USA", Lewis and two
other children play in a mud pit, while Nelson throws a ball of mud at
one of the children.  At "Fort Adventure", Homer has built a fort out of
the aforementioned soiled mattresses.  As Milhouse crawls out of hit, he
observes, "It smells funny in there."  Homer contradicts him, "No it

Back in the here and now, Homer is charging admission to use the
trampoline.  Otto is currently using it and having a ball.  But he jumps
too close to the edge and lands with his back across the metal frame
with a bone-crunching smash.

Bart: Otto, are you OK?
Otto: Yeah.  Just pop my shoulder back in.  [Bart does so] Thanks,
      little buddy!
-- Otto injures himself on the trampoline, "Bart's Inner Child"

Otto sees Wendell has begun jumping on the trampoline, and he rues, "I
lost my turn."  Wendell lands on his stomach with his arm catching on a
spring, and he cries, "Oh!  My arm!"  Ralph jumps next, but his tongue
is hanging out of his mouth while he jumps, and he bites it
accidentally.  Next up are Rod and Todd Flanders

Todd: Each leap brings us closer to God.
 Rod: Catch me, Lord, catch me!
       [They collide and fall onto the ground]
      What have we done to make God angry?
Todd: _You_ did it!
-- The Flanders children jump on the trampoline, "Bart's Inner Child"

Milhouse: Stop jumping on me!  I'm hurt.
   Homer: Kids, kids: once you get hurt, move aside and let other people
-- Homer lays down the trampoline rules, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge is watching from nearby.  "Homer, this is terrible!"  Homer
sneers, "OK, OK, I'll take care of it," and he hammers a small "Caution"
sign into the ground about twenty feet away.  As he's doing so, he
glances up, and the camera pans to show a huge field full of children
lying on the ground, all no doubt having suffered some terrible injury
at the hands of the trampoline.  "I told you this was a bad idea!"
Marge says angrily, and Homer relents: "All right, all right!  I'll get
rid of the trampoline."

Krusty sits on a rocking chair on his porch as Homer pulls up.

 Homer: Hey, Krusty: I'm bringing back the --
Krusty: [points a shotgun at Homer]
        You just keep right on driving.
-- Homer tries to return the trampoline, "Bart's Inner Child"

Homer decides to throw the trampoline off a cliff.  He pushes it over
the edge of one, and it falls down, but it lands on a pillar of rock and
bounces back up.

Homer: That's the last I'll see of Mr. Trampoline.  Yep, it's finally
        [a shadow grows above Homer]
        [the trampoline bounces repeatedly off Homer's head, driving his
       feet into the ground]
       {If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now.}
-- Physics according to "Road Runner", "Bart's Inner Child"

{That night, Homer is still trapped under the trampoline.  A wolf howls
in the background.  "I'm thirsty," Homer whines, but just then, the
cliff finally breaks off, and Homer falls with a yell.}

{Homer's next plan is to use a buzzsaw to slice the trampoline to
pieces.  "Checkmate, Mr. Trampoline," he announces, and runs towards it,
screaming maniacally while the buzzsaw whirls.  Unfortunately, his
extension cord isn't quite long enough, and the cord snaps taut
suddenly, spilling Homer onto his back and causing him to throw the
buzzsaw into the air.  The saw lands on the trampoline and wraps the
cord rapidly around the trampoline in loops.  Marge and Maggie watch as
a big chuck of the kitchen wall is torn loose where the extension cord
was plugged in.}

{All right, all right...you win for now.  But someday you'll _rust_!}
-- Homer vs. the trampoline., "Bart's Inner Child"

{Bart walks over to where Homer laughs.}

 Bart: {Dad, you really want to get rid of this trampoline?}
Homer: {Uh huh.}
 Bart: {Observe: a bike lock.
        [je locks the trampoline to a post]
       Now just turn around, and count to three: one, two, three --
        [they turn around to see Snake with a pair of wire cutters]
       Uh, better make it five.}
Snake: {All right!  I got me a bed.}
-- 1,001 uses, "Bart's Inner Child"

That night, Homer and Marge lie in bed.

Kearney: Shh, quiet!  You'll wake up old man Simpson.
  Jimbo: Hey, no more trampoline.
Kearney: Let's jump on the car instead!
-- Appetite for destruction, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge scowls.

Homer: OK, the trampoline was a bad idea.  But you know what?  At least
       I'm out there trying new things.  If it were up to you, all we'd
       ever do is work and go to church.
Marge: That's not true.
Homer: Name one thing you've done in the past month that was fun.
Marge: I can name ten things!  Uh...I made sloppy Joes!
Homer: That's not fun.
-- The importance of being fun, "Bart's Inner Child"

The next day, Marge sits down with Bart and Lisa.  "Kids, tell me the
truth -- am I no fun?  Do I just nag all the time?"  Bart and Lisa hum
and haw, and Marge looks worried.  In a flashback, we see various scenes
of Marge: "You should have called, I was very worried...We're on a tight
budget here...Bart, watch your language!...You are not going to perform
that operation yourself..." Afterwards, Homer says triumphantly, "See,

   Marge: Hmm...I didn't realize people saw me that way.
    Lisa: Are you mad?
   Marge: No, I'm fine.  I'm going to my sisters' now.
           [She runs out and drives away]
Flanders: [cheerily] Careful there, Marge, you almost nicked me!
-- Marge deals with being a nag, "Bart's Inner Child"

At their house, Marge's sisters take care of her.

Patty: Your blood pressure is off the chart.
Selma: And I don't like this urine sample one bit.
-- The sisters inspect Marge, "Bart's Inner Child"

"You're headed for a nervous breakdown," warns Patty.  "You need Brad
Goodman!" she opines, and Selma adds, "His infomercial plays 'round the
clock on channel 77."

Thank you, Martha Quinn.  [Audience applauds]
There you have it: unrehearsed testimonies from important celebrities.
She's one of my favorites.  I loved her in the thing I saw her in.
-- Brad Goodman on his infomercial, "Bart's Inner Child"

Goodman continues his monologue.

Goodman: You know, my course can help you with every personality
         disorder in the "Feel Bad Rainbow."  Let's look at the rainbow;
         what's in there?  [reads list] Depression, insomnia, motor-
         mouth, darting eyes, indecisiveness, decisiveness, bossiness,
         uncontrollable falling down, geriatric profanity disorder (or
         GPD), and chronic nagging...nagging...nagging...
          [Close up shot of Marge]
  Selma: Sorry, it does that sometimes.  [hits the TV]
-- Nine things in the seven-colored rainbow, "Bart's Inner Child"

[End of Act One.  Time: 7:16]

Homer walks into the living room, swinging his arms as though he's doing
the front crawl.  "What up, Marge?" he queries.  "I'm watching a
videotape that could change our lives," Marge explains, as the title of
the video appears on the TV: "Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat."

Oh, hi!  I'm Troy McClure.  You might remember me from such self-help
videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid".  Well, now
I'm here to tell you about the only real path to mental health.  That's
right, it's the Brad Goodman [squints at cue cards] something-or-
-- Troy McClure introduces "Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat", "Bart's Inner

Homer scratches his arm nervously, and asks Marge if he can go outside
and play.  Marge shushes him, and the video continues.

{A few weeks ago, I was a washed-up actor with a drinking problem.  Then
Brad Goodman came along and gave me this job and a can of fortified
 [drinks from a can] Ah...sweet liquor eases the pain.}
-- Troy McClure describes how self-help aided him, "Bart's Inner Child"

Troy: And now I'd like to introduce the man who will put the "you" in
      "impr-you-vement"...Brad Goodman!
Brad: {Thank you so much, Troy.  And by the way...I'm not happy you're
      still drinking.  But at least you're down to one from more than
-- "Bart's Inner Child"

Brad: Folks, I'm often asked about my qualifications.  Well, I may not
      have a lot of "credentials" or "training", but I tell you one
      thing: I'm a Ph.D. in pain.  Now let me show you how you can
      change your life.
       [Steps to a blackboard] Troy, this circle is you.  [draws one]
Troy: My God, it's like you've known me all my life!
-- Accurate characterizations, "Bart's Inner Child"

At the end of the video, Troy hugs Brad: "Doctor, you've solved all my
problems."  He chugs what's left of his wine, and reaches his finger
inside the glass to get the last couple of drops.

Marge: That video really opened my eyes.  I can see that I'm just a
       passive-aggressive co-culprit.  By nagging you when you do
       foolish things, I just enable your life script.
Homer: And that sends me into a shame spiral.
Marge: Exactly!
-- Following their bliss, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge vows, "From now on, I'm going to stop nagging and have more fun."
The next day, Homer reads "Owning Your Okayness" when Marge pops her
head into the room.

Marge: Homer, did you eat my whole pan of brownies?
 Bart: Uh oh.  You're in for it now, Dad.
Homer: Marge, I'm feeling a lot of shame right now.
Marge: I'm hearing that you feel a lot of shame.
Homer: And I feel that you hear my shame.
Marge: I'm feeling annoyance and frustration, but also tolerance.
Homer: I feel validated by that.
Marge: Good!  I'm glad we had this talk.
Homer: Me too.  [walks off whistling]
-- The new problem-tackling paradigm, "Bart's Inner Child"

Homer reads the "FOR FREE" column once again.

Wow, for free!  Surplus drums of mayonnaise from operation Desert Storm!
-- Homer finds more good free stuff, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge glances at the column, and gasps, "Brad Goodman is coming to
town!"  But Homer thinks they're fine now and have no need of Brad
Goodman.  However, Bart sits on a chair whose leg is in the trash
compactor and rides it as though it were a mechanical bull.

Homer: Well, here we are at the Brad Goodman lecture.
 Lisa: We know, Dad.
Homer: I just thought I'd remind everybody.  After all, we did agree to
       attend this self-help seminar.
 Bart: What an odd thing to say...
-- Homer's new directness approach, "Bart's Inner Child"

Inside the Springfield Community Center, everyone applauds as Brad
Goodman walks onto the stage.  He approaches the microphone on a lectern
in front of a sign: "Brad Goodman's Inner Child Workshop."

  Brad: Thank you.  OK, folks.  Let me hear what's troubling you.  Don't
        be shy, yell it out.  Everybody, go!
Quimby: I, er, can't commit to a relationship.
 Burns: I'm too nice!
   Apu: I have problems with --
 Lenny: I'm always interrupting people!
-- The "Inner Child Workshop", "Bart's Inner Child"

Right now, I want each of you to try something interesting.  There's no
trick to it -- it's just a simple trick!
-- Brad Goodman at the "Inner Child Workshop", "Bart's Inner Child"

 Brad: Now, close your eyes for a moment and really listen to that inner
       voice inside, your inner child.  Listen!  What's he saying?
  Ned: [inside] Stay the course, big Ned.  You're doing super!
Homer: [inside] Food goes in here!  [spoken] It sure does.
  Moe: [inside] Hey, Moe, what's-a-matter?  You no talka with you accent
       no more.  [spoken] Mama mia!
-- The inner children speak, "Bart's Inner Child"

   Brad: Principal Skinner, let's try some rage work.  I want you to
         pretend this dummy right here is your mother.
Skinner: OK, I'll try.
   Brad: Tell this dummy mother exactly how you feel right now.
Skinner: I'm annoyed with you, Mother.  Not just annoyed -- angry!  I'm
         a grown man now [yelling] and I can run my own life!
          [Tears at the dummy with his teeth]
   Brad: Calm down, calm down.  Oh, _moving_.  You can sit down now.
Skinner: [sitting next to his mother] We're still going antiquing on
         Saturday, right, Mother?
-- Open aggression, "Bart's Inner Child"

Brad: You see, folks, we're all trying to please someone else.  And as
      soon as you're not a human be-ing, you're a human do-ing.  Then
      what comes next?
Bart: A human go-ing!  [gets up to leave]
-- Bart's syllogism of humanity, "Bart's Inner Child"

Mr. Goodman thinks Bart's answer was wonderful, and he calls him up to
the stage.  He asks Bart what made him yell out that remark, but Bart
doesn't know.  Brad asks him again, and Bart explains, "I do what I feel
like."  Brad is clearly impressed: "I couldn't have put it better

Brad: People, this young man here _is_ the inner child I've been talking
Lisa: [incredulous] What?
-- Lisa's slow acceptance, "Bart's Inner Child"

Brad: Son, you've never read any of my books, have you?
Bart: [snorts] Earth to boring guy.
       [Audience howls with laughter]
Brad: [laughs] That means "no", huh?  I'm not so old-fashioned.
-- Grace under pressure, "Bart's Inner Child"

Brad congratulates Marge and Homer: "Your parents have done a fantastic
job.  Momma, poppa, could you come up here?"  They walk up onto the
stage while the audience cheers.  Homer has one candy apple in each
hand, and he says as he walks onto the stage, "Thank you, thank you very

 Brad: This is really remarkable.  Here we have a man with an obvious
       eating disorder, and a woman with a bizarre hairstyle, I'm sure
       worn only for shock value --
Marge: Erm --
 Brad: -- and yet, they've managed to raise an emotionally healthy son.
       That's fantastic.
Marge: Oh, thank you.
-- Insurmountable odds, "Bart's Inner Child"

 Brad: We can all learn a lot from this young man here, this, this --
 Bart: Rudiger.
 Brad: -- Rudiger.  And if we can all be more like little Rudiger --
Marge: His name is Bart.
 Brad: [snaps] His name isn't important!  What's important here is that
       this lad has fully developed ego integrity with well-defined
 Bart: [snoring noises]
        [Audience laughs]
-- Bart, everyone's obnoxious inner child, "Bart's Inner Child"

    Brad: People, I am excited.  I can sense a change in the air
          tonight.  You are all going to start _living_, really
Audience: Yay!  [chanting] Living!  Living!
    Brad: Be like the boy!
Audience: Be like boy!  Be like boy!
    Brad: Just the ladies.
  Ladies: Be like boy!  Be like boy!
    Brad: Now, the seniors in the back.
 Seniors: We like Roy!  We like Roy!
-- Not Roy Cohn, surely?, "Bart's Inner Child"

Lisa looks worried.

Lisa: This is madness.  He's just peddling a bunch of easy answers.
Carl: [enthusiastically] And how!
-- Lisa sees through Brad Goodman, "Bart's Inner Child"

[End of Act Two.  Time: 14:01]

Kent Brockman delivers "My Two cents".

The winds of change are in the air in Springfield, and it's about as
refreshing as a pre-moistened towlette.  Folks are finally accepting
their feelings and really communicating, with no holding back, and this
reporter thinks it's about [bleep]ing time.  Of course, all these good
vibes can be traced to one feisty little scamp [picture of Bart appears]
who taught us that if it feels good, do it!
-- Kent Brockman's two cents, "Bart's Inner Child"

Brockman grabs two cans of whip cream and starts spraying them into his
mouth.  Bart watches with pride.

Bart: Lis, today I am a god.
Lisa: Is that why you're sitting on an ice cream sandwich?
Bart: Eww!
-- Blessed by the holy bottom, "Bart's Inner Child"

Santa's Little Helper tries to lick the sandwich off Bart's pants.

At the First Church of Springfield, the sermon topic is "Be Like Unto
the Boy."

Now instead of my boring old sermon, I'm going to take a page from the
Book of Bart to do something I've always wanted to do.
 [Walks over to the organ]
Take five, Mrs. Feesh.
 [Begins playing "The Entertainer" badly] Wait, wait, I can do this...
 [Starts over, playing more wrong notes]
Wait, wait, hold on...
-- Reverend Lovejoy does what he feels like, "Bart's Inner Child"

Mrs. Krabappel reads to Bart's class.

    Edna: [reading] "The wireless was an invention by Guglielmo
          Marconi."  Who can tell me what his first message was?
    Bart: Uh --
Milhouse: I want-a change-a my name-a!
           [Everyone laughs]
    Edna: [chuckling] Oh, good one, Milhouse.  Anyone else?  The first
          message by wireless?
    Bart: It was --
  Martin: Our tenth caller will receive tickets to Supertramp!
           [Everyone laughs]
-- Everyone lives like Bart, "Bart's Inner Child"

Bart rues, "Aw, geez...everybody's a comedian."  On the way home, Bart
tries to combat his blueness with some of his patented spitting off the
overpass.  But the overpass is already crammed with people doing just
that, while below, cars honk their horns, squeal their tires, and smash
into one another.  Bart goes home and covers his head with a pillow,

Bart: Lis, everyone in town is acting like me.  So why does it suck?
Lisa: It's simple, Bart: you've defined yourself as a rebel, and in the
      absence of a repressive milieu your societal nature's been co-
Bart: [pause] I see.
-- Said the blind man, "Bart's Inner Child"

Lisa: Ever since that self-help guy came to town, you've lost your
      identity.  You've fallen through the cracks of our quick-fix, one-
      hour photo, instant oatmeal society.
Bart: What's the answer?
Lisa: Well, this is your chance to develop a new and better identity.
      May I suggest...good-natured doormat?
Bart: Sounds good, sis.  Just tell me what to do.
-- Lisa consoles Bart, "Bart's Inner Child"

Springfield will have its first annual "Do What You Feel" Festival this
Saturday, whenever you feel like showing up!  It'll be a welcome change
from our annual, "Do As We Say" Festival started by German settlers in
-- Kent Brockman's residual bitterness, "Bart's Inner Child"

As workmen prepare the town square for the festival, Willy stands at a

  Willy: If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of
         you and burn your town to cinders.
Workman: [whispering] The mike's on.
  Willy: I know it's on!
-- Don't delay, vote today, "Bart's Inner Child"

{Otto is in charge of parking.  "Park anywhere!  I'm not gonna lay any
rules for anybody today."  The cars are arranged in a jumbled mass,
scattered hither and thither.}

The camera pans across the fairground.  Someone has tied a red helium
balloon to the Jebediah Springfield statue's hand, while Ralph and Janey
sit at his feet.  Lenny throws a frisbee; Corporal Punishment eats
cotton candy; Dr. Marvin Monroe eats popcorn; Carl and Ned Flanders play
the steel drums while Wiggum conducts and drones along.  Burns and
Smithers eat ice cream.

   Burns: I feel like such a free spirit, and I'm really enjoying this
          so-called..._iced_ cream.
Smithers: Sir, in the spirit of the festival and everything, I'd just
          like to say that...[clears throat]...I...love you.
   Burns: Hmm?
Smithers: [hastily] In those colors!  [aside] Oh, who am I kidding?  The
          boathouse was the time!
-- Plagued by doubt and regrets, "Bart's Inner Child"

Patty and Selma ride by on a horse -- naked!

   Skinner: My God, they're naked!
     Patty: Double your pleasure, Springfield.
     Selma: I'm sweating...let's ride through the car wash.
  Everyone: Ew!
McAllister: [snapping a photo of them] Arr!  This picture will serve me
            well on those lonely nights at sea.
-- Their biggest fan, "Bart's Inner Child"

The Simpsons show up at the fair, Homer in his bath robe and bear
slippers, Marge in pants and climbing shoes.

Homer: This is great...I can finally look like I want, and not get
       hassled by the man!  [Apu and Jamshed ride around the family on
  Apu: Cowabunga!
 Bart: Skateboards?  You copycat wannabes!
-- The "Do What You Feel" Festival, "Bart's Inner Child"

Bart gets hit in the head with an acorn, and he looks up in a nearby
tree to see Principal Skinner with a slingshot: "Eat my shorts, young

Diamond Joe Quimby stands at the microphone in front of the assembled
crowd with an attractive blonde in a low-cut red dress at his side.

Good afternoon and welcome to the "Do What You Feel" festival.  By the
way, this young lady is not my wife, but I _am_ sleeping with her.  I'm
telling you this because I'm comfortable with my womanizing.
-- Quimby, the Master of Ceremonies, "Bart's Inner Child"

Quimby: And now to usher in this new era of feeling good is the
        godfather of soul, James Brown.
 Brown: Ow!  [singing]
        I feel good, huh!
        I knew that I would, now.  How!
        I feel good, good God!
        I knew that I would.  Hah!
        So good!  So good!  I got a-you.  Wow!
         [The bandstand collapses, and everyone gasps]
        Hey, wait a minute.  Hold on here -- this bandstand wasn't
        double-bolted.  Huh.
Worker: I didn't feel like it.
 Homer: Hey, I hear you, buddy.
-- James Brown, closet carpenter, "Bart's Inner Child"

Marge: Er, I don't want to judge the rightness of your ego orientation,
       but my inner critic says you should have done your job!
  Ned: Hey, now, Marge, let's not "should" this fellow to death.
-- New-age arguments, "Bart's Inner Child"

Willy concurs: "Yeah!  Next you'll be laying a guilt trip on me for not
oiling that ferris wheel."  As he finishes, sparks fly from where the
ferris wheel joins the support, and it breaks off, rolling down the
street and through the gates to the Springfield zoo.  A horde of
ferocious animals burst forth and the crowd screams in panic.

      Quimby: In the spirit of the occasion, I must tell you what I
              think.  You two screwed up royal!
      Worker: Ya know, I really don't feel like being blamed.
     Skinner: I feel that you should shut up!
         Moe: You know, you really irritate me, Skinner, what with your
              store-bought haircut and excellent posture.
Hot- dog boy: Mister, I can't stand the sound of your voice!
         Moe: Oh, really?  [pushes him]
     Hibbert: Oh, now, now: there's no need to resort to violence.
         Moe: Oh, sure there is!  [punches the boy]
-- So much for owning their okayness, "Bart's Inner Child"

Everyone starts brawling, and Marge and Rev. Lovejoy watch.

  Marge: I knew it.  If only I had nagged more!
Lovejoy: God is angry: we've made a false idol of this Brad Goodman.
          [Two women in togas hold onto a giant gold statue of Goodman]
-- And the Lord said..., "Bart's Inner Child"

Apu is quick to point out that the whole thing is really Bart's fault.
The hot-dog boy yells, "Get him!" and Bart says, "Eep."  He begins
running away.  Fortunately, Homer is hidden inside a "Free as a Bird"
float, and he snatches Bart and hides him in the driver's box inside the
float.  "Hold on, son!" he exhorts, as he slams the gas pedal to the
floor.  The speedometer creeps up to five MPH.

But even this is too fast to hold the colorful tissue on the float.  It
all blows off, leaving just the steel skeleton with Bart and Homer
ensconced in it.  "So long, suckers!"  Homer jeers as they make their

Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
    Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
  Homer: No we're not.
    Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
-- Short attention spans, "Bart's Inner Child"

That night, the Simpsons sit together watching TV.

Homer: Aw, boy: if only Bart had been a better role model for everyone.
Marge: That's not fair.  The lesson here is that self-improvement is
       better left to people who live in big cities.
 Lisa: No!  Self-improvement can be achieved, but not with a quick fix:
       it's a long, arduous journey of personal and spiritual discovery.
Homer: That's what I've been saying!  We're all fine the way we are!
-- Homer, master paraphraser, "Bart's Inner Child"

    Homer: Ooh!  It's that new show about the policeman who solves
           crimes in his spare time.
     Bart: Crank it, Homer!
    Chief: You busted up that crack house pretty bad, McGonigle.  Did
           you really have to break so much furniture?
McGonigle: You tell me, Chief.  You had a pretty good view from behind
           your desk.
    Homer: Ah, McGonigle: eases the pain.
    Chief: You're off the case, McGonigle!
McGonigle: You're off _your_ case, Chief!
    Chief: What does that mean exactly?
    Homer: [yelling] It means he gets results, you stupid chief!
     Lisa: Dad, siddown.
    Homer: Oh, I'm sorry.
-- More award-winning TV shows, "Bart's Inner Child"

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:25]


   {rc}  Ron Carter
   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {bd}  Brendan Dunn
   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {jl}  Jose Lafaurie
   {jt}  Juha Terho
This episode summary is Copyright 1996 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)