Homer Alone

Homer Alone                                              Written by David Stern
                                                      Directed by Mark Kirkland

TV Guide synopsis

Everyday stress sends Marge on a solitary vacation, leaving Bart and Lisa
with Aunts Selma and Patty, while Maggie is home alone with Homer---until
she leaves in search of Marge.  Voices: Julie Kavner, Dan Castellaneta.

Title sequence

Blackboard :- `I will not spank others.'
              `I will not spank ot' at cutoff.

Lisa's solo:- Brightly, with be-bop.
              .     .# .   . .  . N     .. ......   ...
              1__5/ 54_3_2_1 33_154/3. 312 33221165 32165/3_5

Couch      :- The family form a pyramid.

(Reeboks are cool.  Drive a Pontiac Grand-Am.  Watch The Great Mouse Detective.
 Watch 90210.  Don't miss Herman's Head.  Back to the show.)

Didja notice...

    Also starring
        Maggie Roswell (the woman with the hairdo)
    Special guest voice
        Phil Hartman

    ``Baby Come Back''
        Vocals By
            Peter Beckett
            J. C. Crowley
            Randy Crenshaw

    ... just before Homer puts Maggie to bed, the establishing shot
        shows every light on in the house? {dh}
    ... SLH helping himself to leftover pizza as Maggie crawls past?
        There was also an empty can of Duff on the floor.
    ... as Maggie crawls down the sidewalk, there's a car parked
        under a `no parking' sign?
    ... the Olmec Indian head in the basement?
    ... the male hairdresser's earrings?


Movie (and other) References

  + Home Alone
        - The title is an obvious (and brilliant) pun
        - Homer does a Macauley Culkin when he notices that Maggie is missing
        - Patty and Selma watch it
        - Homer uses a roll of ever-useful duct tape to strap Maggie in

Freeze Frame Fun

On the bridge

    Directly behind Marge, a Shelbyville Players bus
        Occupants are dressed in Elizabethan garb, no doubt on their way
        to an open-air performance.  The bus driver's cap reads `SKOAL',
        a brand of chewing tobacco.  Huh?
    Otto (sans headphones) catches some rays atop the school bus
    Mobster with body in trunk
    Krusty's pink convertible (license plate KRUSTY)

    Police tape:  Distressed Mother * Please stay back

Places Homer looked for Maggie

    The laundry hamper
    Inside the dust bag of the vacuum cleaner
    Down the chimney  (Homer earns a faceful of soot)
    Underneath a sleeping Barney
    Inside the mailbox
    The kitchen cupboards

The mall

    Nick's Bowling Shop
    Le Pamperie Hair Salon
    Family Jewel

    Maggie also checked `Buckingham Palace Quick Lube' and
    `Phineas Q. Butterfat's Ice Cream Parlor'.

Animation and continuity goofs

In the close-up shot of Bus tailing Marge's stationwagon, it depicts a
`passing permitted' line on the bridge's pavement. {dh}

Occasionally, Marge turns the steering wheel one way, but the spokes
turn the other way. {dh}

Marge puts the car into park by turning the gear shift clockwise, rather
than counterclockwise.

In the establishing shot of Mayor Quimby and Chief Wiggum, it depicts a
smoke-fill room with ashtrays on the table, yet it appears nobody was
smoking and the ashtrays later disappeared from the table. {dh}

It's night when Maggie started down the street, yet the street-lights
weren't on. {dh}

When Maggie fell in front of Nick's Bowling Shop, the Shop was first
depicted as an closed area, but as Maggie got up, it switched to an open

The Quick Lube shop is drawn inconsistently.  The peephole in the door
vanishes, and the beefeater's shadow moves around.

Missing scenes

There were some scenes in the trailers for this episode which didn't make
it to air.

    After Homer staples Maggie's diaper shut, he picks her up, and
    the changing board comes with her.  (He stapled her to the board.)

Comments and other observations


Previous episodes

    [7[FG]20] The Olmec Indian head
    [7[FG]23] Quit it!  Quit it!  Quit it!  Quit it!  Quit it!  Mom!!!!!!
    [8F06] Phineas Q. Butterfat's Ice Cream Parlor


    Maggie has a full set of teeth as she tugs on the nipple of her bottle.

Quotes and scene summary

 In `Road Runner' style, Homer chases Bart around the house.
   BART (Brat'us Don'thaveacow'us)
   HOMER (Homo Neanderthal'us)
   -- The Simpsons meet the Road Runner, ``Homer Alone''
 In the mayhem, Homer knocks a lamp off its stand, sending it crashing onto
 the floor.  Marge inspects the mess.
   I am <not> cleaning that!  ...  Oh, who am I kidding.
   -- Marge cleans up another mess, ``Homer Alone''
 Maggie lies in her crib, and Marge arrives with a bottle of formula.
 But Marge is unable to remove the pacifier from Maggie's mouth.
   When you grow up, you can suck your pacifier all you want.
   -- Marge tries to reason with Maggie, ``Homer Alone''
 Success.  While Maggie sucks on her bottle, Marge changes her, then
 places her over her shoulder to burp her.  Maggie belches.

 In the kitchen, Marge fixes everyone's lunch.
   Marge: [making lunch]  Extra mustard for Bart, sliced diagonally, not
          lengthwise.  Light mayo for Lisa, cut off the crust.  Double
          baloney for Homer...
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] Mom, can you sign this permission slip for my
   Bart:  [simultaneously] Mom, have you seen my lucky red cap?  Mom,
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] field trip?  Mom, I <hate> those pimentos, they
   Bart:  [simultaneously] where's my lucky red cap?  Mom, aren't you listening
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] make me gag.
   Bart:  [simultaneously] to me?  I told...
   Homer: [comes in]
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] Mom, please sign the permission slip.  [etc]
   Bart:  [simultaneously] Mom, I'm talking to you.  Hello?  Hello!  I'm going to
   Homer: [simultaneously] Marge, I split my pants again.  Ooooh!  Can I have two
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] [etc] without lunch.
   Bart:  [simultaneously] be crushed today if I don't wear my lucky red
   Homer: [simultaneously] sandwiches today?  Make them baloney sandwiches, too,
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] Mommm!  I can't eat those pimentos...
   Bart:  [simultaneously] cap!  Mommmm!  Wheeeere's my caaaaap!
   Homer: [simultaneously] can I have two slices of baloney and...
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] So when you make the sandwich, no pimentos <please!>
   Bart:  [simultaneously] [etc]
   Homer: [simultaneously] Double baloney!  Double baloney!  Don't forget to make
   Lisa:  [simultaneously] Because you know how much they...
   Bart:  [simultaneously] Mommm!  Where's my lucky red cap!
   Homer: [simultaneously] it <double> baloney because you can hardly taste
                           the baloney...
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Marge tells them enough is enough.  She pokes out the pimentos in Lisa's
 lunch meat.  Bart's hat is where he left it, behind the toilet.  Marge
 will sew Homer's pants, but she's out of baloney.

 Marge is loaded down with bags, Maggie, and the cat (in a carrier), as she
 goes over her list of errands one last time.  Homer asks Marge to take
 his bowling ball to Nick's; there's a bottle cap stuck in the thumb hole.
 Marge says, ``Can't you just use one of the balls at the alley?''  Homer
 whines, ``Ohhhhh!  Alley balls!''  Marge gives in.  ``Just put it in my
 left hand.''  He does.  This throws Marge's balance out of kilter.

 Marge spots the school bus outside and tells the kids to hurry up.
 ``No way.''  ``Never happen.''  The bus speeds off.  Says Bart, ``Well
 I'll be damned.''

 With Maggie in the passenger seat (eating the shoulder belt), Marge
 drives the kids to school.
   Lisa: Mom, Bart's making faces at me.
   Bart: It's a nervous twitch, and I'm a little sensitive about it,
         if you don't mind.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Bart continues to make faces, prompting Lisa to yell, ``Bart, quit
 it!  Quit it!  Hey, quit it!  Quit it!  Quit it!  Quit it!  Mom!!!!!!''

 The car skids to a halt in front of school.  Marge yells, ``<Get!>
 <Out!>''  Bart and Lisa do, and the car speeds off.

 Grocery shopping.  Marge fetches fruit leather, cheap imitation orange
 drink, Krusty-brand duck sausage pizza...  When Marge leaves the cart alone,
 Maggie throws things out of the cart.  Including a glass jar.  (*smash*)

 Marge goes to Nick's Bowling Shop, to find that she got the wrong Nick's.
 So she goes to the Nick's on the other side of town.  But that's not the
 right one either.

 Driving home, Marge turns on the radio and hears jackhammering.  It's a
 headache commercial.  Next station.  ``It's time for another Bill-and-Marty
 Classic Crank Call.''  They call a man and tell him his wife is dead.
 Then laugh uproariously.  Marge growls some more.  As Marge drives, the
 nerve-wracking events of the day swirl around her head.  Meanwhile, Maggie
 tugs on the nipple of her bottle, eventually succeeding in removing the
 top and spilling milk over the entire car (including Homer's dry-cleaned
 bowling uniform).  This proves too much.  Marge yells, ``Nooooooooooooo!!''
 and skids the car to a halt in the middle of the Springfield Memorial Bridge.
 She then calmly puts the car in park and turns off the ignition.  Traffic
 piles up.  A bus driver comes up to the car window and says, ``Okay, lady,
 this better be good.''  Marge roars.  The man backs off.
   This is Arnie Pie with Arnie in the Sky.  We've got big problems on the
   Springfield Memorial Bridge, people.  Traffic going waaaay back in both
   directions.  And look out at the corner of 14th and Elm, because I just
   dropped my bagel.
   -- Helicopter traffic report, ``Homer Alone''
   Eddie:  She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
   Wiggum: Did you flash your lights?
   Eddie:  Yes.
   Wiggum: [thinks]  Well, <I'm> fresh out of ideas.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Otto takes the opportunity to sunbathe atop the bus.  A mobster yells,
 ``Come on!  I got a body in the trunk!''  Krusty scolds Mr. Teeny for
 screwing around with the car radio.

 Arnie is joined by Kent Brockman.  Kent is lowered from the helicopter
 (wearing a helmet-mounted camera) for an exclusive interview.  But he
 is given too much slack and falls past the bridge.  As they try to
 pull him back up, he bounces against the brick-faced bridge.  (``Ow!'')

 Homer watches the report on television and jokes with his coworkers.
 Until he sees who the unappreciated housewife in question is.  (``D'oh!'')

 [End of Act One.  Time: 5:17]

 (Reeboks are really cool.  Drive a Pontiac.  Wash your hair with Permasoft.
  Eat Cracker Barrel cheese.  Watch Roc.  Watch In Living Color.  Watch 90210.
  Drive a Volvo.  Back to the show.)

 Homer pushes to the front of the crowd, and Chief Wiggum gives him
 a megaphone.
   Wiggum: Try to talk her out of there.
           [hands Homer a megaphone]
           But don't put your lips on it or anything.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
   Homer: [through a megaphone] Hello?  Hello?  Is this thing on?  Hello?
   Marge: Homer, is that you?
   Homer: [aside] What should I say?
   Wiggum: Well, how about, ``Yes, it's me.''
   Homer: [through a megaphone] Yes, it's me.
   -- I own a mansion and a yacht, ``Homer Alone''
 Homer eventually talks Marge out of the car, and the two embrace.
 ``Cuff her, boys!'' yells Chief Wiggum.

 A mug shot of Marge is taken.  And of her hair.

 In a smoke-filled room, Mayor Quimby tells Chief Wiggum to let Marge
 go.  ``If Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can kiss the chick vote good-bye!''
 Threats are exchanged.
   I hereby declare today to be Marge Simpson Day in the city of Springfield!
   -- Mayor Quimby goes after the chick vote, ``Homer Alone''
 Apparently, Quimby won the war of nerves.

 Homer goes to sleep.  ``All's well that ends well.''  Marge is still
 upset.  She watches television and catches an advertisement for ``Rancho
 Relaxo'', Springfield's only two-star health spa.
   Swim, play tennis, or just sit and stare at the walls.
   -- Advertisement for Rancho Relaxo, ``Homer Alone''
 She shuts off the television and wakes Homer.  She says she needs a
 vacation.  Homer reminds her that the family just took a vacation.
   Marge: I need to unwind.
   Homer: I knw you do, Marge, but come on, you know what our vacations are
          like.  Those three monsters in the back seat.  ``Are we there yet?
          Are we there yet?''  And let's face it, I'm no day at the beach
          either.  ``Marge, can I have another sandwich?  Marge, can I have
          another sandwich?''
   -- In the comfort of your own home, ``Homer Alone''
 Marge explains that she meant by herself.  Homer fears a divorce, but
 Marge reassures him.

 Bart and Lisa are locked inside the station wagon, their noses pressed
 against the glass.  Marge thanks her sisters for taking care of the
 kids while she's gone.  ``We've got six months of maternity leave we're
 never going to use anyway.''  Homer comes out with Maggie, but once the
 baby spots her aunts, she grabs the door frame and doesn't let go.
 (``Wish <I'd> thought of that,'' notes Lisa.)  Homer tries to yank Maggie
 loose, with no success.  Marge suggests that since Maggie doesn't want to
 go, she should just stay home with Homer.  The twins express their
   For your information, I can take care of my...
   [Maggie loses her grip and falls]  Auugh!
   [picks up Maggie]  See?  Got her on the first bounce.
   -- A bouncing baby girl, ``Homer Alone''
 Homer (and Maggie) bid Marge farewell at the train station.

 At Rancho Relaxo...
   This is KOMA, WKOMA, restful easy listening.  Coming up next, a super
   set of songs about clouds...
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Back at home, Homer hears a clattering.  It's Maggie, rattling her cup
 along the bars of her crib.  Maggie points at a picture of Marge.  Homer
 explains, ``Sorry, honey.  Mommy went crazy.''

 Bart and Lisa stare sickly at their lunch.
   Selma: Kids, you haven't touched your tongue sandwiches.
          You need something to drink?
   Patty: We've got clamato, Mr. Pibb and soy milk.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
   Lisa:  [yawns]  I think I'll just hit the hay.
   Selma: It's 12:30 in the afternoon!
   Lisa:  [quietly]  I'm aware of the time.
   -- Staying with Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma, ``Homer Alone''
 Selma tells Lisa she'll be sleeping with her; Bart will sleep with Patty.
 (``And I should warn you, I'm told I snore.'')  The twins leave to watch
 Divorce Court.
   Bart: I'm scared, Lisa.
   Lisa: You think <you> know fear?  Well, <I've> seen 'em naked!
   Bart: Waaaaauuuugh!
   -- Staying with Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma, ``Homer Alone''
 At Rancho Relaxo, Marge turns on the television set in her room.  It's
 a prepared videotape, hosted by none other than...
   I'm Troy McClure.  You might remember me from such movies as ``Today
   We Kill, Tomorrow We Die'' and ``Gladys the Groovy Mule''!
   -- ``Homer Alone''
   Troy: Our tour starts in your very own room, where Relaxo-Vision offers you
         the latest Hollywood hits.  And after midnight, the finest R-rated
         movies Europe has to offer!  [smacks his lips]  Today's selections are...
   Some other announcer:
         Thelma and Louise,
         The Happy Little Elves Meet Fuzzy Snuggleduck, and
         The Erotic Awakening of S.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 The shameless promotion continues.  Troy pays a visit to the kitchen.
 Troy gets a massage.  Marge follows the instructions and dials for service.

 Back at home, Homer has trouble feeding Maggie.
   Homer:  Come on, Maggie.  Nummy-nummy-num!
   Maggie: [refuses to eat her baby food]
   Homer:  Aaaaahhh...  [eats some to demonstrate]
           Mmm...  [digging in]  Mmm...!
           [tries another jar]
           Mmm... strained peas.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Homer reclines on the couch, then gets up, revealing Maggie underneath him.

 Homer enlists the aid of a staple gun to change Maggie's diaper.

 Homer entertains Maggie with a puppet show, but SLH attacks the puppets
 (and Homer as well).  Maggie applauds.

 Back at Rancho Relaxo, Marge gets a massage.
   Marge, it's times like this I'm glad I flunked out of that Mexican med school.
   -- Gregory, the masseuse at Rancho Relaxo, ``Homer Alone''
 Barney pays Homer a visit, at Homer's request.  Barney spots the baby.
 ``Wow, if it isn't little Bart!''
   [picks up Maggie] Whoa!  Someone smells stinky!
   [sniffs himself]  Oh, it's me.
   -- Barney, bastion of cleanliness, ``Homer Alone''
 At bedtime, Bart rummages through Patty and Selma's closet.  ``I've said
 it before, and I'll say it again.''  Bart produces a bra.  ``Ay, Carumba!''
 He then shoots Lisa with what is later identified as a blackhead gun.
 (``Ewwww!'')   The twins return from their television-watching.
 ``Best MacGyver ever.''  ``Richard Dean Anderson will be in my dreams
 tonight.''  They turn in, and Selma proceeds to snore sickly.  Bart and
 Lisa remain wide awake.  And shudder.

 Marge curls up in bed, then realizes she has the entire bed to herself
 and stretches out.

 Homer tries to sing Maggie to sleep.
   [sung to Brahms' Lullaby]
   Go to sleep...
   And good night...
   La-la la la la la la...
   May your Christmas Days be bright!
   -- Homer sings Maggie to sleep, ``Homer Alone''
 ``Good night, my little pork chop.''  Maggie remains wide awake throughout.
 After Homer leaves, Maggie looks forlornly at a photo of Marge, climbs out
 of her crib, across the kitchen floor (and Barney).  Maggie crawls out the
 doggie door and spots something tall... and blue!   But it's a bush.
 Maggie continues onward down the street into the darkness...

 [End of Act Two.  Time: 14:58]

 (Reeboks are really, really cool.  So is a Game Boy.  And brush your teeth
  with Crest.  Watch pro wrestling.  Watch Married ... with Children.  Stay
  tuned for Drexel's Class.  Back to the show.)

 Homer comes into Maggie's room for her 9am feeding.  (It's 11:45.)
 But she's gone!  Home searches everywhere.  Barney announces that
 he's going to make a breakfast omelet.  But Homer wants him to help
 look for the baby.

 Barney thinks he's found Maggie, underneath the front stoop.  He pulls
 with all his might.  ``Barney, you're going to pull her arm off!''
 ``The sooner I get her out, the sooner we can have omelets!''  Barney
 finally wrests it free.  A water hose (spraying).

 Maggie wanders through the Springfield Mall.  She spots a tall, blue
 hairdo in the beauty salon...
   Hairdresser:  So, what's the verdict?
   Woman:        [realizes she's been given a Marge Simpson hairdo]
                 Oh, dear God!  I can't even put a bag over my head!
   Hairdresser:  Yes you can.
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Disappointed, Maggie continues...

 Homer calls the Department of Missing Babies.  The hold music is
 ``Baby Come Back''.  Homer starts crying.

 At Rancho Relaxo, Marge goes down a checklist.  ``Bungee jumping,
 kayaking, calligraphy, cigar-making, hula dancing.  Hm, I guess
 I've done everything.''  She relaxes in a grass skirt and coconuts.
 The videotaped message continues.  Troy tells Marge that the next
 step is up to her.
   As I said to Dolores Montenegro in ``Calling All Quakers''...
   ``Have it <your> way, Baby!''
   -- Troy McClure, ``Homer Alone''
 Troy then hang-glides off a cliff.  Marge calls room service and orders
 a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream, and some chocolate-chip cheesecake,
 and a bottle of tequila.  Marge soaks in the tub (watching `Thelma and
 Louise'), takes a bite of her sundae, sinks underwater, and emerges,
 her hair down, completely relaxed.

 Homer pays a visit to Patty and Selma's apartment.  Bart and Lisa instant
 yell, ``Dad!'' and each clutch one of Homer's legs.  He asks the kids
 if they've seen Maggie.  They haven't, and Homer rushes off, leaving Bart
 and Lisa in the hallway.  Selma calls, ``Come on, kids!  It's time to rub
 Aunt Patty's feet!''  Lisa and Bart shudder.

 Maggie spots a shadow of a tall hairdo, but it's just a beefeater, trying
 hawk a lube job shop.

 Homer cries, then brightly answers the phone.  It's Marge, who says she
 feels much better.  Homer asks her how she'd feel if the dog ran away.
 Marge says, ``That's awful!''  Homer has some good news for her; the dog
 didn't run away.  Marge says she's coming home.  ``You can pick me up
 at the train station in an hour.  And bring the kids.  Bye.''

 Chief Wiggum talks through a megaphone.  ``Please!  Don't jump!  I know
 you're going through some tough times, but you have your whole life ahead
 of you!''  Pan across to show Maggie serenely asleep atop the roof of
 a Phineas Q. Butterfat shop, nestled next to the store mascot, which has
 a tall, blue, soft ice cream cone head.

 Homer tries to plan his excuse.
   Marge, Maggie was very young.  It's not like we got so attached to her...
   -- Homer practices his excuse for losing Maggie, ``Homer Alone''
 He answers the door.  It's Chief Wiggum.
   Wiggum: You the man who reported the lost baby?
   Homer:  Yes.
   Wiggum: Can you describe her?
   Homer:  Uh, she's small...  She's a girl...
   Wiggum: Bingo!  [produces Maggie]
   -- ``Homer Alone''
 Homer is thrilled, but Wiggum says he's wanted on three counts of criminal
 neglect.  Homer is so happy, he kisses Chief Wiggum.  Embarrassed, Wiggum
 responds, ``Aw, shucks.  Just don't do it again, you big lug.''

 Homer duct-tapes Maggie securely to the car seat, then picks up the
 older kids.  He walks out of the apartment, Bart and Lisa each clinging
 to one of Homer's legs.  He has to kick them into the back seat.
 (``Aaagh!''  ``Ungh!'')

 On the train, Marge looks at a wallet photo of her happy family, then
 compares it to a less-than-happy family which greets her.  They embrace her
 warmly (and all talk simultaneously).  Says Marge, ``I missed you, too.''

 In bed, Marge tells Homer that she wants him to help her a little around
 the house, and Homer gladly agrees.  Marge continues her requests, and
 Bart interrupts her.  Pull back.  The entire family is in bed together.
 Continues Bart, ``I think I speak for everyone in this bed when I say
 you have nothing to worry about.  Now let's try and get a little shut-eye,
 okay?''  Bart turns off the light, and everyone sighs and goes to sleep.
 Maggie blinks once.  Twice.  Then shuts her eyes.

 [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:38]
   Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
   in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
   remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
   the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the

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