[3F03] Lisa the Vegetarian

Lisa the Vegetarian                                   Written by David S. Cohen
                                                      Directed by Mark Kirkland
Production code: 3F03                       Original airdate in N.A.: 15-Oct-95
                                                  Capsule revision E, 22-Feb-97

Title sequence

Blackboard :- The boys room is not a water park.
              The boys room is not a water/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- Everyone runs to the couch, entirely gray; robotic arms
              appear and spray-paint the colors on.

Did you notice...

    ... Barney mistakes gazpacho for borsht?

John C. Winn:
    ... Bart sings "Limbo Rock" while scooting under the height
        restriction sign?
    ... the Toddlerville Trolly's engine number is 97?
    ... the Simpsonmobile's back window is smashed when they return
    ... Maggie gets an orange balloon from Storytown Village?
    ... Janey blows bubble gum in class?
    ... the hot dog ingredients (in Lisa's mind) are rat tail, raccoon
        feet, pigeon head, and boot tongue?
    ... the school cafeteria offers Giblet McNiblets, Salisbury Balls,
        and Cow Legs?
    ... In the Meat Council film, Jimmy is sitting at a school desk in
        the middle of an empty field?
    ... the meat truck is labeled "MEAT FOR YOU"?
    ... SLH is the only one who eats Lisa's gazpacho?
    ... the barrels of nuclear waste sitting in the river?
    ... Lisa eats a Tofu Dog without paying?  (They only cost 12 cents
        each, but still...)

Bob Yantosca:
    ... Marge doesn't know how old Abe is?
    ... the three pigs have speakers for mouths, instead of animatronic
    ... all the Flanders' family wives resemble Maude?
    ... Maggie sucking on a lamb chop?
    ... Troy McClure testing the cattle for ripeness?
    ... the "Scientician" looks somewhat like an adult Milhouse?
    ... colored chalk is the devil's tool?
    ... the schoolkids actually _like_ tripe?
    ... the meat truck is unsanitary?
    ... the meat film is number 3F03 in the "Resistance is Useless"
    ... Homer drinks a glass of syrup each morning?
    ... Apu's secret staircase is frozen?

Tom Collins:
    ... Apu's obsession with cash, no checks?
    ... the sexual reference in "another hot beef injection"?

Tony Hill:
    ... Maggie becomes attached to a llama?
    ... the calendar in Lisa's classroom says it is March?
    ... Scratchy is harmed more by the bill than by his act of
    ... OFF lives near a steep hill?
    ... SNPP is downstream from the dam?
    ... only one Beatle hasn't done a Simpsons voice?
    ... Phil Hartman gets higher billing in the credits than the

Don Del Grande:
    ... a number of adult Flanders aren't wearing sweaters?
    ... Groundskeeper Willy's arm hair is in the shape of a W on each
    ... Ham from 2F11 reappears (appropriately enough)?

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... where Bart's face slams into Paul Revere?
    ... the Flanders in the barbecue sing "diddily-doodily" repeatedly
        in their square dance?
    ... there's a Ned, Maude, Rod(ina) and Todd(ina) in every Flanders
    ... Ned's beatnik parents from 1F18 don't seem to be there?
    ... Lisa mistakenly imagines a chicken breast with wings?
    ... it's 2:00 when the class dissects worms?
    ... Miss Hoover doesn't offer Lisa's worm to Ralph?
    ... the cow legs are floating in something green?
    ... the music in the meat council video is all screwed up?
    ... the gorilla doesn't object to the shark eating him?
    ... Scratchy doesn't notice he's eating the same piece over and
    ... Marge's hair bouncing when she gets into the conga line?
    ... Marge doesn't scold Bart for chewing in Lisa's face?
    ... Rev. Lovejoy holds a bottle of beer?
    ... Lenny agrees with Ned?
    ... Bart chasing Milhouse through the barbecue?
    ... Barney misidentifies Lisa's soup?
    ... even SLH laughs at Lisa?
    ... it's 8:00 when OFF eats breakfast?
    ... OFF uses Log Cabin syrup?
    ... Paul McCartney's eyes are _brown_ and Linda's are _blue_, while
        all the rest of the Simpsons population has black eyes?
    ... Paul and Linda enjoy Apu's rendition of Sgt. Pepper?
    ... Lisa remains a vegetarian at the end?
    ... the pig is _still_ flying in the air?

Dominik Halas:
    ... the spider on the Storytown Village sign, and Little Miss Muffet
        next to it?
    ... the three bears have a cuckoo clock?
    ... Scratchy swallows his chunk of himself whole?
    ... the silhouetted pig outline of Homer's invitations has an apple
        in the pig's mouth?
    ... there's a barbed-wire fence around part of the "Bovine
    ... a piece of meat remains behind on the conveyor, in the open air?
    ... the lion is chasing a deer?
    ... at Homer's barbecue, Rev. Lovejoy appears displeased to see Ned?

Alden Skidd:
    ... Bart and Homer fight similar to the way Homer and Jay fought in
    ... Homer uses a square BBQ rather then the usual round one?

Jussi Pakkanen:
    ... the jar of honey in the bears' house?
    ... even Bart says "Aw" when he sees the lamb?
    ... Homes says "Where's the meat" instead of "Where's the beef"?
    ... Homer agrees with Flanders?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Abe, Homer, Willy, Barney)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Ralph, Jimmy)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Jose Flanders, Wiggum, Apu)
    - Harry Shearer (wolf, Ned Flanders, Skinner, Hibbert, Burns,
- Special Guest Voice
    - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure)
    - Paul McCartney (himself)
    - Linda McCartney (herself)
- Also Starring
    - Doris Grau (Lunch Lady Doris)
    - Pamela Hayden (Janey)
    - Tress MacNeille (lamb voice)
    - Maggie Roswell (Miss Hoover)
    - Russi Taylor (Sherri/Terri)

Movie (and other) references

  + Old folk song "The Wreck of the Old 97" {jcw}
    - Bart rides in a train with engine 97
  + "Apocalypse Now"
    - I&S cartoon title "Esophagus Now"
  + "I Spit on Your Grave" {rl}
    - 1977 movie about a woman who is raped and then comes back for
      revenge on her rapist
  + "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" {ddg}
    - the film is part of the "Resistance Is Useless" series, a phrase
      which comes from HHG
  + "She's Leaving Home"
    - Paul says this line as dialog, but it's also a Beatles song
  + "Octopus' Garden" {kb}
    - Lisa's line "...Apu's garden in the shade" paraphrases the song

Previous episode references

- [7F04] Homer overuses lighter fluid {by}
- [7F09] Marge talks of extra ingredients like "care" {rl}
- [7F18], [9F21] a former Beatle guest stars {rl}
- [8F06] Piggy back ride home {by}
- [8F10] Lou Collier {rl}
- [8F11] Animatronic acts are made fun of {rl}
- [8F24] "You're hurting me!"  {rl}
- [9F02] Apu plays the tablas {by}
- [9F02] Apu's niece plays a Beatles song, "MacArthur's Park", cf. Apu
  playing Sgt. Pepper {br}
- [9F09] Cops catch a drive-in for free by using a helicopter (cf. Apu
  using the height of his Kwik-E-Mart) {rl}
- [9F09] 1-800-DOCTORB (cf. BYOBB) {hl}
- [9F10] "Donuts: is there anything they can't do?" cf. "Rock stars: is
  there anything they don't know?"  {jcw}
- [9F18] "I am evil Homer" tune is chanted {jcw}
- [9F11] Bart sneaks onto a ride he shouldn't be on {av}
- [9F12] Scratchy's eyes explode a la Ren Hoek {by}
- [9F13] Ralph goes out with Lisa {by}
- [9F14] Homer says "That's the plan!"  {rl}
- [1F01] "chock full of heady goodness" cf. "rich in bunly goodness"
- [1F04] The contents of hot dogs are made to seem disgusting {av}
- [1F14] Sheep are animated like those in the religious show the
  Flanders kids watch {by}
- [2F11] "Ham" from the super friends reappears {ddg}
- [2F15] Future Lisa is a vegetarian {rl}
- [3F02] A Simpson child loses their appreciation for I&S {av}

Freeze frame fun

- The couch gag, frame by frame: {th}
  1-26 OFF appears, runs to couch
 27    Sprayers descend
 32-52 OFF sprayed yellow
 53    Yellow sprayers begin retreat
 57    Other colors start spraying, forming Homer's beard and Bart's eyes
 58    Marge's shoes, Homer's pants, Bart's socks
 61    Maggie's right eye (oculus dextrorsus)
 62    Maggie's left eye (oculus sinister)
 63    Lisa's eyes and pearls
 65    A cloud of blue and green begins to form Bart's pants, Marge's 
       dress, and Maggie's clothes
 67    Lisa's dress, Marge's pearls
 68    Marge's eyes, Homer's shirt
 70    Lisa's shoes, Homer's eyes
 71    Marge's hair
 75    Bart's shirt
 85-92 Definition lines are sprayed
 96    The cloud of spray dissipates
 99    First eyeball fired
101    Homer OD
102    Homer OS
104    Marge OD
105    Marge OS
106    Lisa OD
107    Lisa OS
109    Maggie OD
110    Maggie OS
111    Bart OD
112    Bart OS
115    Eyeballer gone
116    Family blinks
119    Last frame
- Storytown village: {rl}
   S T O R Y T O W N
     V I L L A G E
- Three Little Pigs: {rl}
- Toddlerville Trolley: {rl}
     T O D D L E R V I L L E
          T R O L L E Y          (curved)
   |THIS TO RIDE|*   
   |_______\ \__/ |       
           \ \ /__|       
           \ \ |..      
            \\ _(_)       
       =--)        \ 
       =_|)___     || 
              \     /
             \__/ \__/    
- Petting zoo: {rl}
- Flanders' barbecue: {rl}
   F L A N D E R S
- Homer's barbecue invitation: {rl}
   (in the cutout form of a pig)
   The extra B is for
- Opening title of video: {rl}
   T h e   M e a t   C o u n c i l   P r e s e n t s:
      "M   E   A   T      A   N   D     Y   O   U:
         P A R T N E R S   I N   F R E E D O M"
   Number 3F03 in the "Resistance is Useless" Series
- Guests at Homer's BBQ:
    - Barney, Carl, Lenny, Patty, Selma, Otto, Wiggum, Eddie, Lou, Ned
      Flanders, Maude Flanders, Grampa, Dr. and Mrs. Hibbert, Reverend
      and Mrs. Lovejoy, Moe, Milhouse, Apu {jcw}
    - Julius and Sylvia Winfield, drunks from bar {rl}
- The food chain, clockwise from top left: {th}
    - poodle, bat, monkey, cow, slug, squirrel, alligator, snake
      (dragon?), bird, camel, beaver, and chicken
    - all have arrows pointing to man
- Signs Lisa sees: {rl}
  -       TRY OUR NEW
  -         DON'T
  - (folds into) EAT
- Kwik-E-Mart signs: {rl}
  - JACK
    Play to
- Drive-in sign: {rl}

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

When Bart gets on the train, there are two kids in the car behind him,
but when Paul Bunyan chops Mother Goose's head off, there's only one.

Paul Bunyan's ox Babe disappears.  {dh2}

Homer wasn't so appreciative of being invited to a Flanders barbecue in
7F23.  {rl}

Lisa imagines the animals involved in Marge's alternative meals a bit
before she says them.  {rl}

The lamb chop changes color as it flies into Homer's mouth.  {rl}

The whole lamb chops scene features many animation errors, as follows:

    - At first, Lisa stares at a imaginary lamb, holding a knife in her
      left hand and a fork in the other.
    - Now empty-handed, she pushes her plate away.  There's nothing to
      her left, and two utensils at her right (possibly knife and
    - The plate and utensils get back in place, even the fork which
      appears at her left.  The same happens to Bart (maybe he's eating
      with his hands), and there's nothing between the two of them.
    - The kids' plates get closer to each other, and Lisa is now right
      at the edge of the table.  (Maybe the table shrunk at that
    - Lisa is back to her place, and there's a bowl between her and
      Bart, which will vanish at the end.

Biology animals are usually long dead; I think worms are preserved in a
solution for years.  {th}

Considering Ralph's parents won't let him use scissors in 9F13, it's
amazing the grade two class gets trusted with scalpels.  {av}

Bart and Lisa watch I&S at night, but it's never been shown at night
before.  {rl}

Someone needs to remind Lisa that, with the exception of the SNUH
period, _every_ Itchy & Scratchy cartoon sends a message that violence
against animals is funny.  {ddg}

The door connecting the TV room to the kitchen now has a doorknob.

What happened to the table beside the couch with the phone and lamp on
it?  {as}

Sherri (Terri?) can be seen in Ms.  Hoover's class, but she should be in
Mrs. Krabappel's class.  {rl}

When Skinner talks to the class, the orange-haired student behind Lisa
disappears, and the two others in her row swap seats.  {fb}

The cattle in "Meat and You" have horns; steers have their horns excised
not long after castration.  {th}

Bananas grow upwards, not downwards.  {dh2}

In the scene with tripe, Janey's voice sounds more like Milhouse than it
has before.  {ddg}

When Ralph wants to join Bovine University, his voice is radically
different -- almost like Yeardley Smith's.  {rl}

Bart's treehouse seems to be missing.  {rl}

The lighter fluid changes color.  {jp}

If Homer serves Bart right after Wiggum, there's a burger and a sausage
missing from his grill.  {fb}

Apu is seen at Homer's meat-filled barbecue; he's only seen from reverse
angles, and changes into a white guy when seen from the front.  {jcw}

This is the first time we've seen the Simpsons' rider mower.  {by}

After the pig rolls across the lanes of traffic and goes into the river,
the roads are shown to be on a bridge, but then there would have been no
way for the pig to get onto the road in the first place.  {ddg}

There _is_ no local orphanage: The nearest one is in Shelbyville.  See
7F16.  {rl}

When Homer looks through the field glasses, he's far from the trash can,
but he's suddenly close to it when he throws the glasses away.  {fb}

Lisa walks out of the house without closing the door, yet we hear the
door slam.  {by}

How did Ralph manage to get up that tree?  {dh2}

The inscription on Apu's hot dog warmer-thingy changes from "HOT DOG" in
large letters to "HOT DOGS" in smaller letters.  {dh2}

Since when is the Drive In next to the Kwik-E-Mart?  {by}

The items on the breakfast table appear and disappear.  {jcw}

You should be able to see the plants and trees on top of the Kwik-E-Mart
roof from the front, but you can't.  {ddg}

The sign over the boxes at the left of the Kwik-E-Mart appears only when
Lisa is leaving.  {tc}

Lisa tells Homer she learned a lot from Paul and Linda, but Apu is the
one who gave her advice.  {jcw}

Paul and Linda's guest appearance was just a plug for their veggie

Some of the commercials showed Bart saying "Don't have a cow, man" after
Paul McCartney mentions animal rights, but Bart never uses the phrase
and never meets Paul in the episode.  {ddg}


John C. Winn: This episode started off very strong, while the ending was
    not only predictable but hasty (the writers are having major
    problems with plot pacing lately).  Still, they are back to sticking
    with one solid storyline and following it all the way through.
    Homer's back to being the unlucky average guy from season two.
    Grade: A.

Elizabeth McAuley: I thought the show had its funny moments,
    individually, but as a whole, not the best I've seen.  As for Paul
    and Linda, I didn't think they really added much to the show.  The
    whole scene between Apu and Lisa could've gone right on without

Haynes Lee: Kind of a disappointing episode.  It seems like a WSB
    episode where every character is given a few token lines to say.
    Only Apu bought any sensibility to the show.  And a message to the
    writers.  Please do not devote entire episodes to your celebrity
    guests' pet causes.

Fred Zanfardino: Having low expectations going in, I found it actually
    quite funny.  I especially liked the opening scenes at the baby
    theme park.  Grampa was hilarious!  I also enjoyed seeing Lisa's
    free-thinking attitude and her antagonistic but loving attitude
    between she and Homer again.

Bob Yantosca: Grade: C. An overall flat episode with forced gags.  For
    the nth time we see Lisa going on one of her "right vs. might"
    crusades...although it was to be expected since she is a vegetarian
    in 2010.  For me, the funniest parts were the I&S cartoon and the
    triangulation scene (Bart, tell Lisa to pass the syrup, etc).

Tommy Fallin: I thought that this episode was going to bite because of
    the preachy theme.  But I found it to be actually quite funny and
    almost worthy of the fourth and fifth season episodes.  It was far
    less preachy than I expected, and it actually got me to understand
    Lisa's dilemma.  A-.

Aaron Varhola: Lisa was poorly characterized; she was much more preachy
    than in 7F13, and was just plain mean in wrecking the barbecue.  The
    story also went nowhere, and it turned into a fifth-season gagfest.
    The meat movie, however, was up there with Worker and Parasite and
    Lisa's trips as some sublime Simpsons.  C-.

Adam Lipkin: Not as good as it could have been.  There were several good
    parts, including the majority of the Storytown scene, and the meat
    movie, but there were just as many slow parts as well: the scene
    when the children are laughing at Lisa, most of P & L McCartney's
    scene.  B-/B overall.

Tony Hill: This was a respectable enough episode, although those
    featuring Lisa are not usually very funny.  The problem wasn't that,
    however; the best gags were simply too predictable: the train and
    the door hitting Bart.  The school scenes added a lot, and I liked
    the ambiguity at the end whether Lisa would actually be a
    vegetarian.  I give it a B.

Scott Fujimoto: I found the first 2/3 of this episode the funniest this
    season.  Except for a few jokes that went on too long (as usual),
    the humor was well-timed and didn't lag.  Unfortunately, they
    crammed both a moral and the Obligatory Family Reunion Scene (tm) at
    the conclusion of the episode.  Grade: B.

Don Del Grande: GRADE: A-minus - it was an A for most of the episode,
    but the writers should have come up with a snappier ending than the
    "veggie-back" ride.  (Now let's break out the rec.food.veg FAQ and
    watch for Lisa doing something like eating gelatin...)

Daniel Lievens: This episode was, doubtless, the best I've seen in a
    long time.  I suppose that quite a few people who are writing about
    it aren't vegetarian and therefore can't identify as much.  But it's
    like the old Homer line "it's funny because it's true" (not to be
    confused with "it's funny because I don't know him").

Gordon Charrick: I was rolling through the first 20 minutes of the show.
    I was starting to get concerned that the quality of the show was
    going downhill fast, but this episode renewed my faith in the
    writers.  I don't think a pig's ears would be flapping like that
    while in flight though!

Ricardo Lafaurie: The writers seem to be shaping up for the seventh
    season.  The gags were well-placed and the parodies were excellent.
    The lack of references w as a _good_ thing.  (If you don't believe
    me, watch 7G04.)  The voices seemed way off, though.  It gets a B+
    in my book.

Yours truly: It had many funny parts (Storytown Village, Flanders'
    relatives, the meat movie, the pig's journey), but Paul and Linda's
    appearance was absolutely shameless -- and couching it in humor
    doesn't disguise it for what it was.  Grade: C+.

Comments and other observations

"Storytown" in real life

Scott Matteson says, "Storytown was in Lake George, New York, an hour
    north of Albany.  It became `The Great Escape' some years back but
    for quite a while it was pretty much as it was depicted in tonight's
    episode, `Lisa the Vegetarian.'  It was based on the same kinds of
    nursery rhymes."

Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox

Tony Hill writes that these two (which stopped Bart's runaway train)
    "are part of a legend well-known in the Midwest.  Paul and Babe were
    giants, and by walking through Minnesota after a heavy rain, they
    created the state's 10,000 lakes (15,291 to be exact).  Pairs of
    statues of them in Bemidji and Brainerd, Minn. cause a rivalry
    between the cities."

"Wow! [celebrity name here]"

Ricardo Lafaurie points out previous occasions where a celebrity has
    been greeted with awe:

    - 9F02: Wow!  Jack Larson, President of Laramie Cigarettes!
    - 9F07: Wow!  Linda Ronstadt!
    - 9F07: Adam West!
    - 9F21: Wow!  David Crosby!
    - 1F04: Wow!  George Washington!
    - 1F10: James Woods!
    - 2F14: Comedy superstar Mel Brooks!
    - 2F16: Tito Puente!
    - 3F03: Wow!  Paul McCartney!

"Live and Let Die"

Ricardo Lafaurie says it was written in 1973 by Paul and Linda McCartney
    for the James Bond movie of the same name.  Paul actually performed
    the song.

Lentil soup recipe

Several readers managed to piece together the lentil soup recipe Paul
    speaks backwards over "Baby I'm Amazed" during the closing credits.
    Tom Collins lists it as:

    - one medium onion, chopped
    - two tablespoons of vegetable oil
    - one clove of garlic, crushed
    - one cup of carrots, chopped
    - two sticks of celery, chopped
    - half a cup of lentils
    - one bay leaf
    - one tablespoon of freshly-chopped parsely
    - salt and freshly-ground pepper to taste
    - two and a quarter cups of vegetable stock or water

At the end, it sounds as though Paul says, "Oh, and by the way, I'm
    alive," no doubt trying to quell the rumors about his death.

Quotes and Scene Summary (courtesy of Gary Goldberg)

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Frederic Briere.]

Scene opens with family including Grampa in car driving towards
Storytown Village.

Grampa: [Whiny] Are we there yet?
 Homer: No.
Grampa: Are we there yet?
 Homer: No.
Grampa: Are we there yet?
 Homer: No.
Grampa: Where are we going?
  Lisa: [Derisively] We're going to Storytown Village, Grampa.  It's an
        amusement park for babies.
Grampa: Ooooh.  Just leave me in the car with the window open a crack.
 Homer: That's the plan!
 Marge: I think it's nice we're doing something Maggie will enjoy for
        once.  Besides, I'm sure Storytown Village is also fun for
        everyone, from eight [points at Lisa] to ...God only knows.
        [points at Grampa.]
-- X, where X is greater than sixty, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Arrival at Storytown Village, "Fun for ages 1 to 7 1/2".  Everyone

The family approaches the "Three Little Pigs" amusement.  A mechanical
wolf and three mechanical pigs perform drolly.

 Wolf: Come out, come out, or I'll bloooow your house in.
 Pigs: Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chin.
 Bart: What a load of crappy crap crap.
Homer: Quiet, boy.  I have a feeling some bad stuff is going to go down.
Marge: [To Maggie] This is where the wolf blows down the pigs house.
 Bart: [Sarcastically] He blows all right, he blows big time.
Marge: That's it honey, get into the spirit.
-- Marge, characteristically, misinterprets slang, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

The wolf blows feebly, and the house tilts backwards equally feebly.
Maggie claps her hands in enthusiasm.

Homer: That was good, but not great.
-- Homer reacts to the wolf blowing the pigs' house down, "Lisa the

{Scene shifts to the interior of the Three Bears house.}

Father Bear: {Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.  }
Mother Bear: {[Distorted due to technical problems]}
  Baby Bear: {Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.  }
     Grampa: {[Looking out from Baby's bed] Welll, I'm sorry but it was
             150 degrees in the car.}
-- Abe wrecks "Goldilocks", "Lisa the Vegetarian"

{Bart approaches the Toddlerville TrollEy.  A green elf says "You must
be shorter then this to ride."  Bart limbos under the elf's arm and
boards a train car.  He laughs evilly, "So long, suck --" when his face
hits the tunnel opening and pushes the tunnel along, uprooting poles and
trees until the tunnel and train hit Paul Bunyan's statue.  Paul Bunyan
falls over and his axe chops Mother Goose's head off.  All the children
on the train cheer.}

Scene shifts to family in "Little Bo Peep's Petting Zoo".  Homer is
waving a can in a goat's face while Marge and Maggie watch.

Homer: Come on, eat the can!  Come on!
Marge: You're supposed to feed them pellets from the machine over there.
-- Homer tests the appetite of a goat, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Marge carries Maggie over to the pellet machine, puts her on the ground,
and turns the crank.  A rush of pellets covers Maggie.  The animals all
look up and rush over to eat the grain, leaving only a spinning
pacifier.  "Oh, my," Marge says worriedly.  Marge looks over at the
animals one at a time, until she spys a llama using a hind leg to
scratch Maggie out of its fur.  Marge runs over and picks Maggie up.

The family approach a lamb.  "Aw," they sigh, observing its cuteness.
They look to the right at a smaller, cuter lamb, and sigh longer.  Still
further to the right is the absolute cutest lamb of them all, and the
family sigh most wistfully.

The largest lamb strolls in front of the smallest lamb.  Homer knocks it
out of the way.  "Out of the way, you!"  Spying the cutest lamb again,
he sighs.

Lisa pets the smallest lamb.

 Lisa: Ooohh, you are SO cute, yes you are you are I just LOVE you.
Marge: [Laughs] See.  It was a good idea to come here after all.
-- The up-side to everything, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Mother Goose's voice comes over the loudspeaker above them.

Mother Goose: Attention familes.  This is Mother Goose.  The following
              cars have been broken into...
-- Thieves work the kiddie park, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

The family pulls into their garage.  Homer hears sounds of a large party
coming from the Flanders.  A sign over the festivities says "The
Flanders Family Reunion BBQ.  Ned is calling the square dancing cadence
while the rest of the family claps and dances.  The family members all
look strikingly alike.

       Homer: Hey Flanders!
All Flanders: Hidely-ho, neighborino!
       Homer: Shut up!
All Flanders: Okily-dokily!
       Homer: Ned!  You're having a family reunion and you didn't invite
         Ned: Oh, gosh Homer.  This is strictly a Flanders affair.  I've
              got family here from around the globe.  [Points out one
              relative.]  Here's Jose Flanders.
        Jose: Buenos Ding dong didlyos, senor.
         Ned: And this is Lord Thistlewick Flanders.
 Thistlewick: Charmed.  [Ned nudges him in the back.]  Eh, a googily...
       Homer: I can't believe you didn't invite me.  [Squints eyes.]
              After I painted those cool stripes all over your car.
              [Snaps fingers.]  I know!  I'll throw my own barbeque.
              The greatest barbeque this town has ever seen, and I'll
              only invite who I want.  That'll show you.
         Ned: Can I come?
       Homer: Sure.  [Turns away.]  D'oh!
-- Mouth before brain, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Scene switches to family gathered around dinner table.

Homer: This barbeque will be hard, thankless work.  But I'm sure you're
       up to it, Marge.
Marge: Well, it could be a good chance to get to know our neighbors
       outside of a courtroom setting.
Homer: You know what you should serve Marge?  More of these lamb chops.
       These are the best ever.
Marge: Why, thank you Homey!  You might say the secret ingredient is...
-- As opposed to love or cough syrup, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

The family begins to chew.  Lisa sees a vision of the baby lamb appear
before her, missing the lamb chops on her plate.

 Lamb: [In a baaa-ful voice...] Please Lisa, I thought you loved me,
       loved me.
Marge: What's wrong, Lisa?  Didn't you get enough lamb chops?  [Places
       more on her plate.]
 Lisa: I can't eat this.  I can't eat a poor little lamb.  [Pushes her
       plate away.]
Homer: Lisa, get a hold of yourself.  This is lamb, not _a_ lamb.
 Lisa: What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed
 Bart: This one spent two hours in the broiler.  [Takes a big chomp.]
Marge: Bart!  Sensible bites!  All right, Lisa, if you don't want lamb
       chops, there are lots of other things I can make.  Chicken
       breast.  Rump roast.  Hot dogs.
-- Meat, wonderful meat, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Each forms an image in Lisa's mind.  The corresponding part falls off
onto a plate.

 Lisa: No I can't!  I can't eat any of them!
Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute.  Lisa honey, are you
       saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again?  What about
 Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
 Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
 Lisa: Dad!  Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa.  A wonderful, magical animal.
-- Of species porcine, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Bart quips, "I think Lisa's right Dad.  Eating meat is baaaaaad."  Lisa
smacks the chop out of Bart's hand and into Homer's mouth.  "Hey!
That's my chop!"  Bart cries.  Bart and Homer growl and fight for the
lamp chop between them.  Lisa rolls her eyes.

[End of Act One.  Time: 5:22]

At Springfield Elementary.  Lisa's in class bemoaning her problem.

  Lisa: Ohhh, my family just doesn't understand my new found
        vegetarianism.  Compared to them the public schools are a haven
        of enlightenment.
Hoover: Okay class, time to dissect our worms.  [Class cheers.  Miss
        Hoover places a worm in a pan before Lisa.]  First pin them down
        so they don't fly up and hit you in the eye.
 Ralph: Umm, Miss Hoover?
Hoover: Yes Ralph, what is it?
 Ralph: My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it...can I have another
Hoover: No Ralph, there aren't any more...[shaking her head] just try to
        sleep while the other children are learning.
 Ralph: Oh boy...sleep!  That's where I'm a viking!
-- Erik the Ralph, almost, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lisa looks down at the wriggling worm.

Worm: Leeesaaaa, Whaaat did I ever do to yoooooou?
Lisa: Why does it talk like a lamb?
-- Lamb, worm...they kind of rhyme, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lisa picks up her knife and brings it closer to the worm, struggles with
her conscious, then puts the knife down.

  Lisa: Uhh, Miss Hoover?  I don't think I can dissect an animal.  I
        think it's wrong.
Hoover: Okay Lisa, I respect your moral objection.
         [Presses the "Independent Thought Alarm" button under her
-- Respect, but not condone, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Scene shifts to cafeteria lunch line.  Such appetizing entrees as
"Giblet McNiblets", "Salibury Balls" and "Cows Legs" are featured.

 Lisa: Uhh, excuse me?  Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat
       in it?
Doris: Possibly the meat loaf.
 Lisa: Well, I believe you're required to provide a vegetarian
Doris: [Picks up a hot dog in a bun, shakes the weiner out, and slaps
       the bun down on Lisa's tray.]  Yum.  It's rich in bunly goodness.
 Lisa: [Drolly.]  Do you remember when you lost your passion for this
-- Some time before the Alamo, methinks, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lunchlady Doris removes the cigarette from her mouth, reaches under the
counter and presses the "independent Thought Alarm" button.  Cut to
Principal Skinner in his office.

Skinner: Oh oh.  Two independent thought alarms in one day.  The
         students are overstimulated.  Willie!  Remove all the colored
         chalk from the classrooms.
 Willie: I warned ya!  Didn't I warn ya?!  That colored chalk was forged
         by Lucifer himself!
-- "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Cut to Lisa and Bart on the couch at home.  They are watching the Itchy
& Scratchy cartoon "Esophagus Now".  Bart laughs uproariously.

Lisa: I never realized before, but some Itchy & Scratchy cartoons send
      the message that violence against animals is funny.
Bart: They what?  Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa.  [Moves toward
      door.]  They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff you know, like
      people getting hurt and stuff, stuff like that.
       [gets slammed behind the door by Homer]
-- Why I oughta --, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Homer: Look kids!  I just got my party invitiations back from the
 Lisa: [Reading the invitation.]  "Come to Homer's BBBQ.  The extra B is
       for BYOBB."
 Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.
 Lisa: Dad!  Can't you have some other type of party, one where you
       don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people love meat.  If I went to a barbeque and there
       was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober!  Where's the meat!?'.  I'm
       trying to impress people here Lisa.  You don't win friends with
-- Homer coins a catch phrase., "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Bart dances in.

 Bart: [Musically.]  You don't win friends with salad!
       You don't win friends with salad!
       You don't win friends with salad!
        [Homer, {and then Marge, join in.}]
 Lisa: {Mom!}
Marge: {I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.}
-- The island rhythm, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Scene moves to Springfield Elementary, where Principal Skinner is
standing before a projection screen in front of Miss Hoover's classroom.

Skinner: Good morning class.  A certain...agitator...for privacy's sake
         let's call her...Lisa S. No, that's too obvious...uuuh, let's
         say L. Simpson --
          [Lisa slaps her forehead in a slient D'oh!]
         has raised questions about certain school policies.  So, in the
         interest in creating an open dialogue, sit silently and watch
         this film.
-- Instructions in obfuscation, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

The film starts.  "The Meat Council Presents: `Meat and You: Partners in
Freedom'.  Number 3F03 in the `Resistance is Useless' series."  Open on
cattle country.

 Troy: Nothing beats a stroll in cattle country.  Hi, I'm Troy McClure.
       You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus
       Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer".
Jimmy: Mr. McClure?
 Troy: Oh!  Hello Bobby.
Jimmy: Jimmy.  I'm curious as to how meat gets from the ranch to my
 Troy: Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Slow down Jimmy.  You just asked a mouthful.
       It all starts here, in the high density feed lot.  Then, when the
       cattle are just right [swipes his finger along the top of a cow
       and licks it] Yum...it's time for them to graduate from Bovine
-- Summa cum laude, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

A klaxon blares out a siren and the cattle begin moving up a conveyor
belt into the meat packing plant.

 Troy: Come on Jimmy, let's take a peek at the killing floor.
Jimmy: Ohhh!
 Troy: Don't let the name throw you Jimmy.  It's not really a floor,
       it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice
       through so it can be collected and exported.
-- Troy nearly got in at Hendon, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

They walk throught the door of the plant accompanied by the sounds of
moo-ing and startled cows.  Electricity noise sparks in the background
as the camera pans down the length of the factory to a truck marked
"Meat For You" being loaded with raw chunks of meat.  Troy and Jimmy
emerge, with Jimmy visibly pale and queasy.

       Troy: Gettin hungry Jimmy?
      Jimmy: Uhh, Mr. McClure?  I have a crazy friend who says its wrong
             to eat meat.  Is he crazy?
       Troy: Nooo, just ignorant.  You see your crazy friend never heard
             of "The Food Chain".  [Flash to a picture of "Food Chain",
             with all animals and arrows pointing to a silhouette of a
             human.]  Just ask this scientician.
Scientician: [Looking up from a microscope.]  Uhhh...
       Troy: He'll tell you that, in nature, one creature invariably
             eats another creature to survive.
              [Images of various wild carnivores attacking and eating
             others appear.]
             Don't kid yourself Jimmy.  If a cow ever got the chance,
             he'd eat you and everyone you care about!  [Image of a cow
             quietly chewing cud.]
      Jimmy: Wow, Mr. McClure.  I was a grade A moron to ever question
             eating meat.
       Troy: [Laughs.]  Yes you were Jimmy, yes you were.  [Briskly rubs
             his hand on Jimmy's head.]
      Jimmy: [Timid] Uhh...you're hurting me.
-- Troy McClure, the silent hurter, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Film's over.

   Lisa: They can't seriously expect us to swallow that tripe.
Skinner: Now as a special treat courtesy of our friends at the Meat
         Council, please help yourself to this tripe.  [Class cheers and
         runs to table loaded with tripe.]
   Lisa: Stop it Stop IT!  Don't you realize you've just been
         brainwashed by corporate propaganda?
  Janie: Hmmph, apparently my crazy friend here hasn't heard of the food
   Uter: Yeah, Lisa's a grade A moron!
  Ralph: When I grow up, I'm going to go to Bovine University.
-- In Idaho, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Scene changes to home and Homer's barbeque.  Many cars have pulled up.
Homer is at the door greeting arriving guests when Barney comes through
wheeling a beer keg on a handcart.

Barney: Hi Homer!  Thanks for inviting me to your barbeque.
 Homer: Ohh, Barney!  You brought a whole beer keg!
Barney: Yeah.  Where can I fill it up?
-- Toddle down to Moe's, perhaps?, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

People sitting everywhere, eating.  Homer fills the grill with lighter
fluid and prepares to grill.

  Lisa: Wait Dad!  Good news, everyone!  You don't have to eat meat!
        I've got enough gazpacho for everyone.  [Crowd murmurs.]  It's
        tomato soup, served ice cold!  [Crowd laughs out loud.]
Barney: Go back to Russia!
-- At least Lisa's mother's not from Norway, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lisa troops up to her room to sob on her bed.  The crowd continues to
appreciate the barbeque.

Hibbert: Aaah.  Diagnosis -- delicious.
  Homer: I've got the presciption for you, another hot beef injection!
 Wiggum: Uuuh, Homer?  Bring me another one of those...uuh. burgers
         would ya?  I can't quite seem to...stand up under my own power
  Homer: One whopper for the Copper.
   Bart: Another burger, Dad?
  Homer: Here you go!  [Flips the burger into the air.]
   Lisa: It's bad enough they're all eating meat.  They don't have to
         rub it in my face.
          [The flipped burger lands on her face.]
          [Lisa growls]
-- Ah, glorious fat, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Homer wheels out the large grill.

       Homer: Okay everybody!  It's the moment you've all been waiting
              for!  The piggs de resistance!  [Uncovers a rotissory pig
              with an apple in its mouth.]
       Crowd: Ooohhh!  Aaaahhh.
Chief Wiggum: [Chuckling] ha hah haah hah...look at its nose!
         Ned: [Rises with a glass in hand.]  Congratulations, Homer.
              Your 'Q is a huge success.  Hey, a toast to the host who
              can boast the most roast!
       Homer: Thanks Flanders.  I have to agree that everything
              certainly ...[Lisa rolls behind homer with a lawn tractor,
              pushing the pig grill ahead of her.] huh?  [Crowd gasps.]
       Marge: Bart, Nooooo!
        Bart: [Standing beside her.]  What?!
       Marge: Sorry, force of habit.  Lisa, nooooo!
-- Mouth before brain, take two, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Bart and Homer race wildly after Lisa until she pushes the pig grill off
the top of a slope.  The pig passes through a hedge.

Homer: It's just a little dirty.  It's still good, it's still good!
        [Passes traffic, jumps a bridge and lands in the water.]
       It's just a little slimy, it's still good, it's still good!
        [It gets caught in a dam spillway, and when the pressure builds,
       it shoots into the sky.]
       It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good!
 Bart: [Crestfallen.]  It's gone.
Homer: I know.
-- Courting disaster, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Monty Burns and Smithers stand at the window of Burns' office.

   Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to
          the local orphanage...when pigs fly!
           [They laugh.  The pig sails across the sky before them.]
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, Sir?
   Burns: Nooo, I'd still prefer not.
-- Going back on his word, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

[End of Act Two.  Time: 15:03]

Homer and Bart are standing in their backyard.  Homer is scanning the
sky with binoculars.

 Bart: Give it up Dad.  Piggy ain't coming back.
Homer: Lisa!  You ruined my barbeque!  I demand you apologize this
 Lisa: I'm never ever apologizing because I was standing up for a just
       cause and you were wrong wrong wrong!  Now if you'll excuse me
       I'm going to my room!
Homer: That's it!  Go to your room!
-- Mouth before brain, take three, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

The family is gathered around the breakfast table.

Homer: Marge?  Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her
       to pass me the syrup?
Marge: [Wearily] Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
 Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on
       any meat product.
 Bart: [To Homer] You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like
       I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not, not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what
       you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case!
 Bart: Uhhh, Dad.  Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart!  Go to your room.
 Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad!
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbeque
       wrecking, no-nothing know-it-all!
 Lisa: That's IT!  I can't live in a house with this prehistoric
       carnivore.  I'm out of here!  [Leaves and slams the door.]
Homer: That's it!  Go to your room!
-- Mouth before -- oh, forget it, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lisa walks across the street where Sherri and Terri, Janie and Ralph are

 Sheri/Terri: Look at Missus Potato Head!  She has a head made out of
              lettuce.  [Giggles.]
       Ralph: I can't believe I used to go out with you.
       Janie: Are you going to marry a carrot, Lisa?
        Lisa: [Rolling her eyes.]  Yes, I'm going to marry a carrot.
Sherri/Terri: Ohh!  She admitted it.  She's going to marry a carrot!
-- So much for sarcasm, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lisa walks near the Krusty Burger franchise.  The sign in the window
says "TRY OUR NEW BEEF-FLAVORED CHICKEN".  She looks up to see a
billboard displaying a "Don't Eat Beef" sign, which is replaced a moment
later with "Eat Deer."  She throws her hands in the air and runs to the
Kwik-E Mart.  The sign in that window says "Premiere Gourmet Hot Dogs
8/99 cents."

Lisa: The whole world wants me to eat meat.  I can't fight it anymore.
       [She musters her resolve and bites into a hot dog.  Yells.]
      There!  Is everybody happy now?
 Apu: I take it from your yelling that you like my tofu dogs?
Lisa: Tofu?
 Apu: Oh yes.  No meat whatsoever.  And only thrice the fat of a normal
      hot dog.  I made the switch and nobody noticed.
Lisa: But why, Apu?
 Apu: Of course I am a vegetarian.  Haven't you ever seen my tee-shirt?
      [Holds up a tee-shirt that depicts a cow with slash over it and
      the words "Don't Have A Cow, Man!"]
Lisa: Heh heh heh, that's cute.
 Apu: Here.  Let me show you something Lisa.  [Walks to a cooler marked
      'Non-Alcoholic Beer" and opens the door.  A set of stairs leading
      upward is behind it.]
Lisa: Wow, a secret staircase.  But what do you do if someone wants a
      non-alcoholic beer?
 Apu: You know, it's never come up.
-- Beer-swilling Springfield tube-jockeys, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

They walk to the top of the stairs, to a door.  Apu opens the door,
revealing a lush rooftop oasis.

Lisa: Ohhh, Apu!  It's beautiful!
 Apu: Yes.  This is where I come when I need some refuge from the modern
      world.  Or, when I want to see drive-in movies for free.  [Points
      out the drive-in theatre across the street.]  I know it is not
      easy to be a vegetarian, Lisa.
Lisa: That's why I ran away from home.
-- The naked truth, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Paul McCartney steps from the brush.

 Paul: What?  She's leaving home?
 Lisa: Wow!  Paul McCartney!  I read about you in history class.  So
       where's your wife Linda?
Linda: Right here Lisa.  [Appears out of a bush.]  Whenever we're in
       Springfield we like to hang out in Apu's garden in the shade.
 Paul: We met him in India years ago, during the Maharishi days.
  Apu: Back then I was known as the fifth Beatle.
 Paul: [Rolling his eyes.]  Sure you were, Apu.
  Apu: You know what Lisa?  Paul and Linda are vegetarians too.  In
       fact, Linda has her own line of vegetarian entrees.
 Lisa: Apu, I'm sure the last thing they want to talk about is...
Linda: We weren't satisfied with the other vegetarian meals on the
       market.  You'd be surprised how often you find a big hunk of pork
       in them.
 Lisa: Euuuwww!
-- And if you're a _Jewish_ vegetarian..., "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Paul: Linda and I both feel strongly about animal rights.  In fact, if
      you play "Maybe I'm Amazed" backwards, you'll hear a recipe for a
      really ripping lentil soup.
Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy
      simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese.
 Apu: Oh, cheese!
Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu?
 Apu: No I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I'm a monster!
 Apu: Yes indeed I do think that.  But, I learned long ago Lisa to
      tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them.  You know
      you can influence people without badgering them always.  It's like
      Paul's song, "Live and Let Live".
Paul: Actually, it was "Live and Let Die".
 Apu: Well, whatever, whatever. it had a good rhythm.
-- "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Lisa: I guess I have been pretty hard on a lot of people.  Especially my
      dad.  Thank you guys.
Paul: Lisa, before you go.  Would you like to hear a song?
Lisa: Wow, that would be great!
Paul: OK, take it Apu.
-- That's Apu de Beaumarchais to you, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

Apu starts singly badly, while Paul and Linda clap along.  Lisa backs
away quietly and leaves the store, where she sees Homer looking under
manhole covers for her.

Homer: Lisa!  Lisa!  Come back before everyone finds out what a horrible
       father I am.
 Lisa: Hi dad.  Looking for me?
Homer: I don't know.  You looking for me?
 Lisa: I don't know.
Homer: Ohhhh.  Lisa.  I was looking for you.  I wanted to apologize.  I
       don't know exactly what went wrong but it's always my fault.
 Lisa: Actually Dad, this time, I was wrong...
Homer: Oooh!
 Lisa: ...too.
Homer: Ohh.
 Lisa: While I was gone I got some really good advice from Paul and
       Linda McCartney.
Homer: Rock stars.  Is there anything they don't know?
-- The eternal question, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

 Lisa: I still stand by my beliefs.  But I can't defend what I did.  I'm
       sorry I messed up your barbeque.
Homer: I understand honey.  I used to believe in things when I was a
       kid.  Come on, I'll give you a piggyback...I mean a veggieback
       ride home.
-- The new 90s vocab, "Lisa the Vegetarian"

They giggle.

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:11]

"Maybe I'm Amazed" plays into the closing credits.  Ricardo Lafaurie
transcribes the lyrics as follows, with ellipses indicating where Paul
speaks backwards:

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I love you
You pulled me out of time
You hung me on the line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
Maybe I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Maybe I'm a man, and baby, you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby, won't you help me to understand?

The instrumental continues while McCartney continues speaking backwards.


   {kb}  Kevin Bowman
   {fb}  Frederic Briere
   {tc}  Tom Collins
   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {hl}  Haynes Lee
   {br}  Bob Roberds
   {as}  Alden Skidd
   {av}  Aaron Varhola
   {jcw} John C. Winn
   {by}  Bob Yantosca
This episode summary is Copyright 1997 by James A. Cherry and Gary
Goldberg.  Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission.
(The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons,
and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.
I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)