[9F09] Homer's Triple Bypass

Homer's Triple Bypass                         Written by Gary Apple and Michael
                                                    Directed by David Silverman
Production code: 9F09                       Original airdate in N.A.: 17-Dec-92
                                                  Capsule revision C, 21-Jul-96

Title sequence

Blackboard :- Coffee is not for kids.
              Coffee is not f/ at cutoff.
              The writing gets progressively more scrawly toward the
              bottom of the blackboard.

Lisa's Solo:- Unknown.

Couch      :- A miniature version of OFF sits on a huge couch.

Did you notice...

Juha Terho:
    ... Space Mutants is the movie playing at the drive-in?
    ... the basketball hoop over the garage door of Snake's hideaway?
    ... the lobotomy scars on Fred's forehead?
    ... Maggie sucks on the dradle Homer got from Rabbi K.?
    ... SLH's reaction to Homer saying "some _dog_ could do the
    ... Dave Shutton from 7F01 is the man who asks "where are the
    ... Nick -- a doctor -- is afraid of blood?
    ... Andre is introduced at 10:00 and the operation ends at 11:40?
    ... after the operation is over, the lamp in the ceiling makes it
        look like Dr. Nick has an angel-halo over his head?

Dave Hall:
    ... in the couch scene, Bart has to help Maggie up?
    ... Snake's license plate reads "EX CON"?
    ... Maggie uses her pacifier to feed SLH?
    ... Lisa thinks Bart's goop gag is really gross, yet she doesn't
        mind wanting to see victims of a train wreck?
    ... Homer eats his breakfast with pinkie finger extended?
    ... it never occurs to Homer to drive around the moving truck?
    ... the gas station attendant listens to Homer's heart expertly as
        if he was qualified to diagnose medical problems?
    ... baby Homer has two hair strands?
    ... the squeaking sound Homer's head makes when Dr. Hibbert rubs it?
    ... Homer's hair strands stand up when he juices himself?
    ... Homer is barefoot while seeing the guru?
    ... Lisa keeps a bloody cow's heart in her bedroom dresser?
    ... Dr. Riviera holds the scalpel with pinkie finger extended?
    ... Dr. Riviera's operating gown isn't soiled during Homer's

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... the cooling towers are visible in the "Bad Cops" intro?
    ... all Wiggum does is motion for the jumper to come in?
    ... Wiggum makes a cuckoo sign when the man jumps?
    ... the Itchy & Scratchy the cops watch is from 7F09 (the one where
        they whack a Marge squirrel)?
    ... the cattle outside Snake's house?
    ... Hans Moleman is black in this episode?
    ... Burns seems to know that Homer is married?
    ... young Homer sings "O, Night Divine"?
    ... Homer quotes Nietzsche?
    ... one of the things Hibbert does to Homer is the "got your nose"
        thing from 9F08?
    ... Homer seems proud of his blubber flying?
    ... Homer wants to buy a fribillator, which is perhaps more
        expensive than a coronary bypass?
    ... Bart looks down sadly when Lisa talks to Ms.  Albright?
    ... the rabbi Homer talks to is Rabbi Krustofsky?
    ... the Hindu guy Homer talks to looks like Surdrudinma Baradad?
    ... Bart describes himself and Lisa as coming from the MTV
        generation though they don't have cable?
    ... somehow they were able to get Krusty to talk to Homer?
    ... Lisa's unusual ability to grasp such a complex medical
    ... Lisa sits next to a couple making out in the amphitheatre?
    ... Apu calls him "Mister Homer"?
    ... Dr. Riviera removes his surgical mask, an unwise thing?
    ... Homer looks particularly disheveled after the operation?
    ... Homer never got rehired?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Hans Moleman, Barney, Abe)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty, Selma)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Wiggum, man at gas station, Billy, insurance company
      guy, Dr. Nick, Carl, Moe, Apu)
    - Harry Shearer (Lovejoy, Burns, Smithers, ambulance driver,
      Hibbert, Ned, Dave Shutton, PA announcer, video instructor, Lenny,
      Kwik-E-Mart customer)
- Also Starring
    - Maggie Roswell (Nurses, Ms.  Albright)

Movie (and other) references

  + "Cops"
    - "Cops in Springfield" similar
  + "Starsky and Hutch" {rl}
    - Wiggum calls himself Papa Bear
    - in the show, the special informant was called Huggy Bear
  + "Life in Hell" {jt}
    - Homer's puppets are fezless Akbar and Jeff
  + Dry Bones {rl}
    - Dr. Nick hums a similar tune

Previous episode references

- [7G03], [8F02] Homer is fired {rl}
- [7F05] Lisa quotes a line from Nietzche, "Whatever doesn't kill me can
  only make me stronger".  (cf. Homer) {rl}
- [7F09] View from "Nightline" similar to the "COPS in Springfield"
  screen {rl}
- [7F09] Scenes from the Itchy & Scratchy where they whack Marge is
  shown {rl}
- [7F11] Homer near death {rl}
- [7F20] Bart and Lisa drink coffee and heap jittery (cf. blackboard
  gag) {rl}
- [7F22], [8F24] Surdrudinma Baradad (host of "Yoga Party") {rl}
- [7F24] Recycled animation of the ambulance {jt}
- [8F04], [9F03] Someone holds something with the pinky extended
- [8F04] Burns gives a ham to Homer because he's Employee of the {rl}
  Month (cf. Burns about to give a ham to Marge) {rl}
- [8F05] Rabbi Krustofsky appears {rl}
- [8F15] Snake's EX CON license plate
- [8F15] "Starsky and Hutch" is spoofed (cf. S&H-esque music through cop
  chase and "Act II: Death Drives a Stick") {rl}

Freeze frame fun

- COPS vignettes: {rl}
    - "COPS in Springfield" says an announcer
    - Wiggum fails to call in a jumper, who dives off.  Wiggum makes a
      cuckoo sign with his finger
    - a cop jumps a building to catch a crook, but Wiggum and the boys
      are actually watching a TV
    - Wiggum and the boys attempt to shoot a mummy (Wiggum throws his
      gun at it)
    - Eddie and Lou pull stuff out of Jasper's beard
    - Wiggum and the boys watch "Field of Screams" (7F09) on TV
    - some cops use a helicopter to catch "Space Mutants" at a drivein
      for free
    - "COPS in Springfield" card shows again
- Stuff in Jasper's beard: knife, handgun, brass knuckles, grenade {jt}
- After the heart whacks out, for some frames it turns into a playing-
  card type club, spade, diamond, and heart.  {rl}
- Insurance company: {rl}
    - neon sign of a woman grieving over a grave briefly, then dancing
      on it holding money
- Food in bed with Homer: turkey, potatoes and gravy, diet cola, pizza,
  cake {jt}
- Injuries at Springfield Memorial Hospital: {jt}
    - Mr. Roman: injured arm
    - Jacques: fingers stuck in a bowling ball
    - Groundskeeper Willy: both arms injured
    - Jasper: beard stuck in a bicycle
    - Akira: hand stuck in a wooden board
    - Apu: bullet wounds
    - Sideshow Mel: stuck in a cannon
    - Chief Wiggum: locked jaw
- Springfield Medical Library: {jt}
    - Circulatory A-L
    - Cardiology A-M
- People Who Look Like Things: {jt}
    - cash register
    - palm tree
    - brush
    - Halloween jack-o lantern
    - tea pot
- The audience at the operation: {jt}
    - Japanese guy eating pop corn
    - man with a hot dog
    - couple kissing
    - man with a pop corn bag
    - Lisa arrives
- Dr. Nick's party flashback: {jt}
    - two guys drinking beer from huge mugs
    - man in toga
    - couple kissing
    - white guy and black girl tossing a ball
    - Nick in a light blue kimono wearing a yin-yang
    - Nick's girl in a shirt with peace signs
    - on the walls:
        - a poster with a peace sign
        - STRTE banner (?)
        - Sigma Chi plaques

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

Chief Wiggum's badge disappears when he's speaking on the radio.  {dh}

If the series shown was "COPS", shouldn't the camera be shaky?  {rl}

A piece of paper moves around the kitchen table.  In one shot, it
disappears.  {dh}

The car's engine seems to be switched off, yet Homer drives off after
speaking to the gas station attendant.  {dh}

The bacon and eggs switches color when there's a bug on it.  {rl}

When Homer drives behind Hans Moleman, they're driving uphill during
exterior shots.  In the interior shots of their cars, they aren't.  {jt}

Isn't Hans too short for his feet to reach the pedals?  {jt}

Burns shadow is botched during one scene.  {dh}

The desk clock vanishes when Homer stand before Burns' desk.  {dh}

The clock changes times and form between scenes.  {rl}

Smithers moves before Burns commands him to bring Homer to him.  {dh}

The chairs in Burns' office vanish when Homer has his heart attack.

One of the attendants disappears from the ambulance en route to the
hospital.  {dh}

Marge shouldn't be able to reach the kitchen phone while she is sitting
down.  {dh}

SLH disappears while the family discusses Homer's operation.  {dh}

At one point after the puppet show, Homer's shadow doesn't follow his
movements.  {dh}

The electrodes attached to Homer's chest seem to move around and aren't
attached to anything.  {dh}

The "NO PRAYING" sign only appears when the nurse pointed at it.  Also,
at the beginning of this scene, the door to the room appears to be
closed -- the nurse couldn't have heard Homer praying.  {dh}

The bed's remote control seems to have disappeared during Krusty's
visit.  {dh}

Where are Krusty's cattle skull birth mark and his famous superfluous
nipple that we saw in 8F24?  And consider his line, "This ain't make-up"
even when he clearly wiped it off in 7F18.  {jt}

After Marge calls the kids, her chair vanishes.  {dh}

When Lenny and Carl give Homer the card and Homer takes it, for one

Some of the nurses disappear during the operation.  {dh}

Dr. Riviera isn't wearing a wristwatch at the beginning of the
operation, so he couldn't have gotten it stuck in Homer.  {dh}

Homer's bandages seem to cover his neck more than they do his chest.

Comments and other observations

Michael Carrington

One of the writers of this episode was Michael Carrington, who normally
    works as a producer and writer for "Martin", notes Ricardo Lafaurie.

Ms. Albright's teachings

Juha Terho writes, "`If he's been good, he'll go to heaven.  In heaven,
    you get to do whatever you like best.'  Not true.  This is explained
    in the 7F13 capsule."

What Marge heard on the phone

Juha Terho says, "We hear only Marge's side of the phone conversation
    where she learns that Homer has had a heart attack.  As she answers
    the phone, she says: `Yes?  [one-second pause] Oh my Lord!  [to
    Patty & Selma] Homer's in the hospital, they think it's his heart!'
    The caller on the other end probably said something to the effect of
    "This is so-and-so from Springfield Memorial Hospital.  Your husband
    has probably had a heart attack.  I think you'd better come and see
    him" -- all that in one second?
    (There's a similar scene in 7F16 where Homer learns that Grampa has
    had a heart attack.)"

The word "Hell"

Juha Terho asks rhetorically, "Isn't the word `hell' used a little too
    liberally in this episode?"  He lists the following examples:

    - Homer: "What the hell is this?"
    - Barney: "What the hell am I supposed to do with this jumbo thong
    - Dr. Nick: "What the hell is that?"
    - Moe: "Hell no."
    - Customer: "Oh, what the hell, yes."

Recycled animation

The ambulance shot where Homer is being rushed to the hospital is reused
    from 7F24, and both look very similar to the scene in 7F01.

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Ricardo Lafaurie.]

"COPS in Springfield!"

Bad cops, bad cops...Bad cops, bad cops Springfield cops are on the take
But what do you expect for the money we make?  Whether in a car or on a
horse We don't mind using excessive force Bad cops, bad cops...Bad cops,
bad cops
-- Theme music for "Cops in Springfield", "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Chief Wiggum and his men try to catch a cattle rustler by using a
battering ram on a house, and it's Reverend Lovejoy's house.

Lovejoy: What in God's name is going on here?
 Wiggum: Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace?
Lovejoy: No, that's next door.
          [next door, Snake drives out of a garage]
  Snake: Close but no doughnut, cops.
          [drives off]
-- Snake, cattle rustler, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Wiggum: This is Papa Bear.  Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving
        a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know,
        that place that sells chili.  Suspect is hatless.  Repeat,
-- Snake makes his escape, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer: I can't wait 'till they throw his hatless butt in jail.
Marge: Homer, you shouldn't eat so much food.  It's bad for your heart.
Homer: Oh, my heart is just fi-- aagh!  [gags]
Marge: Homey, what's wrong?
Homer: [strained] Just-- working-- the turkey through...[pause]
        [normal] There it goes.
-- A little beer will put out that fire, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Bart and Lisa eat breakfast.

Bart: Hey, Lis, I heard that there was a train wreck last night.  Wanna
      see the victims?
Lisa: Sure.
       [Bart opens his mouth, showing "see-food"]
      Bart, that's gross!
Bart: You're right.  Let's bury them at sea.
       [scoops his goop into Lisa's cereal]
-- Bart and Lisa eat breakfast, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Lisa yells for Dad, and Homer gets another relapse.  Sweating, he

 Bart: What's wrong, Dad?
Homer: [strained] You know that feeling you get when a thousand knives
       of fire are stabbing you in the heart?  I'm having that right
       now...[normal] Ooh, bacon!
-- Bacon will put out that fire too, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Marge: Homer, I've made a special surprise just for you!
Homer: It can only be one thing.
        [imagines a roast pig suggesting Homer eat his rump]
Marge: [hands Homer oatmeal] Here you go.
Homer: What the hell is this?
Marge: Nice, healthy oatmeal.
Homer: [sarcastic] Ooh, oatmeal, what a delightful treat!  Aw, there's a
       bug in it.
        [dumps the oatmeal in the sink]
Marge: No there isn't.
Homer: Trust me.
        [starts eating bacon]
 Bart: Dad, there's a bug on that.
Homer: Naah.
        [keeps on eating]
-- Selective vision, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer drives to work, behind Hans Moleman, carting Edgar Allan Poe's
birthplace in a truck.  Homer tries to get him to move by bashing his
house in when he hears his heart beat irregularly.  He drives away while
Hans' truck falls off the hill and bursts into flames.

            [at the gas station]
    Homer: I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
Attendant: It's your heart.  And I think it's on it's last thump.
    Homer: Oh, I thought it was my transmission.  [drives away happily]
      Kid: Where's he going?
Attendant: You remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
      Kid: We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikopopolous?!
Attendant: You're a dull boy, Billy.
-- Missing the point, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

   Burns: Look at that pig.  Stuffing his face with donuts on my time!
          That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing
          ever closer to the poison donut!
           [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly]
          There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir.  I discussed this with our lawyers and they
          consider it murder.
-- Damn their oily hides, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Burns calls Homer in to give him a dressing-down.

        [a "window" shows Homer's heart, beating fast]
Burns: Relax, Simpson.  I just brought you in here for a friendly
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...and goodbye!  You're fired!
Homer: [gags] [heart speeds up]
Burns: But, wait.  Perhaps I'm being too hasty.  You _are_ highly
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...at goofing off!
Homer: Aaargh!  [heart beats faster]
Burns: Now don't worry, Homer.  You're the kind of guy I could really
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...a grave for!
Homer: Aaargh!  [heart beats faster than anything]
Burns: Your indolence is inefficacious!
Homer: [stares blankly] [heart beats normally]
Burns: That means, you're terrible!
Homer: Aarrggghh!  [heart goes crazy] [collapses]
-- The straw that broke the heart's back, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

                     [Homer's astral body rises from Homer's physical
           Smithers: [examines Homer's dead body]
                     Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.
              Burns: Oh dear.  Send a ham to his widow.
Homer's astral body: Mmm...ham...[returns to Homer's body]
           Smithers: No, wait.  He's alive.
              Burns: Oh good.  Cancel the ham.
              Homer: D'oh!
-- Gypped out of the ham of consolation, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Patty, Selma, and Marge are clipping coupons.

Buy three tubes of Mister Blister, get one free.
-- Patty reads a discount coupon, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Marge: [answers the phone]
       Hello...Yes?  Oh my Lord!
       Homer's in the hospital, they think it's his heart!  [leaves]
Patty: Oh my God.
Selma: What?
Patty: Five cents off wax paper.
Selma: [slaps her cheek in amazement]
-- I can't believe they reduced it, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Marge rushes to the hospital, {passing several patients}.  Hibbert uses
a fribillator to revive Homer, and Homer seems to like it.  Homer says
his whole life flashed before his eyes; first, Abe admires little Homer,
until he finds out young Homer is sucking on a pizza.  Next, Homer sings
in the choir, and Abe predicts making a fortune out of him...until his
voice changes.  "Dagnab it!"

I'm out of the woods now, right?  I mean, whatever doesn't kill me can
only make me stronger!
-- Homer recovers from a heart attack, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Remember your Hippopotamus oath!
-- Homer to Dr. Hibbert, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

  Marge: Can't you do something for him?
Hibbert: Well, we can't fix his heart, but we can tell you exactly how
         damaged it is.
  Homer: What an age we live in!
-- Modern technology, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

         [Homer stands behind an X-ray machine]
Hibbert: Now what you see here is the radioactive dye flowing through
         your husband's circulatory system.
  Nurse: But Doctor, I haven't injected the dye yet!
Hibbert: Good Lord!
-- Real lead in the radiation shields, my butt, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer is in his underwear.

Hibbert: Now I'm going to do a fat analysis test.  I'll start your
         jiggling and measure how long it takes to stop.
          [starts it jiggling]
          [jiggles for five seconds]
  Homer: Woo hoo!  Look at that blubber fly!
Hibbert: Yes.  [to intercom] Nurse, cancel my 1:00.
-- Homer takes a fat analysis test, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass
  Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Hibbert: You're going to need open heart surgery.
  Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo.
Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
  Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?
-- "Homer's Triple Bypass"

  Marge: Doctor, we'll do whatever it takes to get my Homey well.
Hibbert: Good.  I must warn you though, this procedure will cost you
         upwards to $30,000.
  Homer: Aaarrrggh!  [collapses]
Hibbert: I'm afraid it's now $40,000.
-- Escalating medical costs, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

{Wiggum buys something at the Kwik-E-Mart and ignores his police radio
which tells him there's a robbery in progress.  "Bad Cops" plays

[End of Act One.  Time: 7:59]

Marge and Homer talk in bed.

Marge: Don't you have a health plan at work?
Homer: We used to, but we gave it up for a pinball machine in the
Marge: D'oh!
-- Heart attack?  Not while I'm playing Pinbot, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer: Don't worry, Marge.  America's health care system is second only
       to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe, but
       you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
-- But you _can_ get eyelash implants legally there, "Homer's Triple

Homer goes to Happy Widow's Insurance.

Clerk: Now before we give you health insurance, I have to ask you a few
Homer: Questions!  Questions!  My whole scheme down the -- [realizes] I
       mean ask away.
Clerk: Now, under "heart attacks", you crossed out three and wrote zero.
Homer: Oh, I thought that said "brain hemorrhages".
Clerk: All right.  Here's your policy.
Homer: Now let me tell _you_ something, Mr. Sucker.  I just--
Clerk: Wait, you haven't signed it yet.
Homer: [takes pen] Oh, yeah, I-- [gags] ...must...sign...policy!
Clerk: [pulling policy] I'm sorry, sir, we can't insure you!
Homer: I made an H!
Clerk: That doesn't count!
Homer: Looks like an X.
        [the clerk manages to pull it away]
Clerk: We better get you to a hospital.
Homer: Can I have a free calendar?
Clerk: OK.
-- Homer's attempt to get health insurance, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

At the hospital, Homer is revived by the fribillator once again.

Oh Doctor, I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone and
there were all guys in red pyjamas sticking pitchforks in my butt!
-- Homer recovers from a heart attack, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, you must get that operation as soon as possible.
  Homer: But I don't have $40,000!  Maybe I'll just get one of these
         machines.  [the fribillator]
          [buzzes himself once more] Oh, yeah.
-- No household is complete without one, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer seeks help from the church.

        [with Reverend Lovejoy]
Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best Christian.  In fact, when
       you're up there yak-yak-yaking, I'm usually either sleeping or
       mentally undressing the female parishioners.  Anyway, can I have
        [Lovejoy's eyes widen]
-- Homer seeks help from the Christian Church, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

             [with Rabbi Krustofsky]
     Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I have rented
            "Fiddler on the Roof" and I will watch it.  Anyhoo, can I
            have $50,000?
Krustofsky: Hmm?
-- Homer seeks help from a synagogue, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer seeks help from Surdrudinma Baradad, but gives it up.  Back at
home, Homer watches television, playing with a dreidel.

 Bart: Any luck, Dad?
Homer: No, but the rabbi gave me this.  [spins a dreidel]
 Bart: What is that?
Homer: Son, it's called a droodel.
-- Droodel, droodel, droodel, I made you out of clay, "Homer's Triple

A television commercial comes on:

Nick: I'll perform any operation for $129.95!  Come in for brain surgery
      and receive a free Chinese finger trap!
       [escorts away a lobotomy patient with hands stuck in said device]
      All right, Fred.
      You've tried the best, now try the rest!
      Call 1-600-DOCTORB ["doct-orb"].  The B is for Bargain!
-- Nick Riviera's commercial, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer's about to change the channel but Marge thinks this is the answer
he's looking for.  Marge tells Homer it's the only choice they have.

Oh, it could be worse.  Some dog could do the operation.
-- Homer can't afford a coronary bypass, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Lisa says "What operation?".  Homer doesn't want to tell them, because
it might upset them.

 Bart: Nothing you say can upset us.  We're the MTV generation.
 Lisa: We feel neither highs or lows.
Homer: Really?  What's it like?
 Lisa: Ehh.  [shrugs]
-- "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer: I'm going to tell the truth and I'm _not_ gonna sugar-coat it.
        [later, does a puppet show]
       And so the tiny aorta fairies will take Mr. Leg Vein on a long
       trip to marry to Ms.  Left Ventricle.
-- Homer breaks the news to the kids, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Lisa realizes that Homer is getting a coronary bypass operation.

Oh, no.  What if they botch it?  I won't have a dad-- for awhile.
-- Bart realizes Homer needs a coronary bypass, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer: Kids, kids.  I'm not going to die.  That only happens to bad
 Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: He sold poison milk to school children.
-- Thinking on his feet, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

At the hospital, Homer tries out the bed remote control thingy.  "Bed
goes up, bed goes down..." then discovers he has a bed next to Ned

Homer: What are you in here for?
  Ned: I'm having a kidney and a lung removed.
Homer: Who are you donating them to?
  Ned: First come, first served.
-- Altruism at the hospital, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Ned asks what Homer's in for.

Homer: I got a bad heart.
  Ned: Homer, if I could give you my heart, I would.
Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
-- The heart of Flanders?  God forbid, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Dr. Nick Riviera introduces himself.

   Nick: Hi everybody!  I'm Dr. Nick Riviera.
     PA: Doctor Riviera, Doctor Nick Riviera.  Please report to the
         coroner immediately!
   Nick: The coroner.  I'm so sick of that guy!  Well, see you in the
         operating place!
          [opens the door to be greeted by a reporting mob]
Shutton: Where are the bodies?
          [Nick shuts the door]
   Nick: Such a beautiful day.  I think I'll go out the window.
          [does so]
-- A real confidence-builder, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

At night, Ned Flanders prays.

Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and Sweating to
the Oldies volumes One, Two and Four.
-- Ned Flanders prays, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer begins a prayer of his own, but a nurse shushes him and points at
the "No praying" sign.

[End of Act Two.  Time: 13:11]

...and that's why God causes train wrecks.
-- Bart's Sunday School Teacher, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Lisa asks a question.

    Lisa: My dad is very sick.  What's going to happen if he dies?
Albright: Well, if he's been good, he'll go to heaven.  In heaven, you
          get to do whatever you like best all the time.
           [Lisa imagines Homer in a cloud with a remote control]
   Homer: Cloud goes up, cloud goes down...
-- Sunday School advice, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Back in the hospital, Homer enjoys his reclining bed when Abe comes in.
Krusty bursts in.

Krusty: Hey, hey!  Hoo-huh-huh-ha-ha!
 Homer: [gags]
Krusty: What's the matter.  Oh, yeah, my grotesque appearance!
         [laughs goofily]
 Homer: Well, I could use some laughter right about now.
Krusty: Well, there's nothing funny about what you're gonna go through.
        I should know, I'm in the zipper club myself.
         [bares his chest a little to show a scar]
         [smokes a cigarrette]
 Homer: You seem okay.
Krusty: Yeah?  Well, I got news for you.  [points at his head] This
        ain't makeup!
-- Krusty, you and your stories, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Grampa visits Homer.

Abe: They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son.  I
     have never fully understood why.  Frankly, I can see an up-side to
-- Optimism in old age, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Lenny and Carl visit Homer.

Lenny: All of us guys pitched in and made you a "Get Well" card.
Homer: Thanks, guys.
        [we see the back, it reads "EMERGENCY PROCEDURE - DO NOT
 Carl: We had a hell of a time replacing you.
        [back at the plant, a brick hangs off a switch in Homer's
-- Quality bricks are hard to find, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Barney and Moe visit Homer.

Barney: When I first heard about the operation, I was against it.  But
        then I thought, if Homer wants to be a woman, so be it!
 Homer: Barney, I'm not getting a sex change!
Barney: Huh?  What the hell am I supposed to do with this jumbo thong
-- Send it to Norway, maybe?, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

  Moe: Hey, Homer, I snuck you in a beer for old times' sake?
Homer: Thanks, Moe.  [drinks it]
  Moe: You know, Homer, that beer ain't free.
-- All right, andale, andale, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer's family comes to visit him.

Homer: Now Marge, if the unthinkable should happen, you're going to be
Marge: Oh Homer, I could never remarry.
Homer: Darn right.  And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on
       the couch as a constant reminder of our marital oath.
-- With glass eyeballs, I bet, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Marge invites the kids in.

Homer: Kids, I wanna give you some words to remember me by, if something
       happens.  Let's see...er...Oh, I'm no good at this.
 Lisa: [whispers into Homer's ear]
Homer: Bart, the saddest thing about this is I'm not going to see you
       grow up...Lisa: [whispers into Homer's ear]
Homer: ...because I know you gonna turn out well, with or without your
       old man.
 Bart: Thanks, Dad.
Homer: And Lisa...
 Bart: [whispers into Homer's ear]
Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...
 Bart: [whispers into Homer's ear]
Homer: ...that you're adopted and I don't like you.
        [realizes] Bart!
 Bart: [whispers into Homer's ear]
Homer: But don't worry, because you've got a big brother who loves you
       and will always look out for you.
 Lisa: Oh, Dad.  [hugs him]
-- Final words, maybe, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Dr. Nick watches a video about how to do a coronary bypass.

Doctor: [on TV] ...and then, you make the incision below the collarbone.
  Nick: Oh, no.  Blood!
-- They didn't tell me about this in medical school, "Homer's Triple

But then the screen fritzes into a cheezy talk show.

Oh, no, someone taped over the end of this!
-- Dr. Nick Riviera's poignant observation, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Pumpkinhead: All we ask for is a little dignity and a little respect.
       Host: [sly] And a new candle every now and then?
Pumpkinhead: Yes, and a new -- [realizes] no!
              [the audience laughs]
-- A cheesy talk show, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Lisa reads a book about heart surgery, when Marge comes in with the

This is fascinating, Mom.  Did you know they're going to stop Dad's
heart for six whole minutes?
-- Lisa describes Homer's operation, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Marge doesn't think she likes Lisa reading medical books, but Lisa says
it's very reassuring, and she learned a great deal from a cow's heart
she got at the butchers.

Operation time.  Lisa enters the amphitheater.

 Nick: Hi, everybody!
Crowd: Hi, Dr. Nick!
 Nick: If something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved!
       One hand washes the other.  Oh, that reminds me!  [washes his
       hands] [puts on operating gloves] These gloves came free with my
       toilet brush!
-- The operation begins, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Dr. Nick Riviera puts Homer to sleep, and points at something just
before Homer gets put out to bed: "What the hell is that?"

Meanwhile, Patty and Selma bring out a snazzy-looking man for Marge.

Patty: Marge, this is Andre.
Andre: [with attempted sexiness] Hello.
Selma: I think you two would make a perfect couple.
Marge: My husband is alive!
Patty: Oh, so sorry.  Hope he pulls through.
Andre: Not me.
-- Marge waits during Homer's operation, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

At Moe's Tavern...

   Moe: Now let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend,
        Homer Simpson.
         [short silence]
Barney: How long has it been?
   Moe: Six seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
   Moe: Hell no.
-- Six, sixty -- what's the difference?, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

     Apu: Poor Mister Homer.  Could it be that my snack treats are
          responsible for his wretched health?
Customer: I need some jerky.
     Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure.
-- Short-lived guilt, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Dr. Nick Riviera stands there for a while, confused.  The nurse asks him
if he knows where to make the incision.

Nick: Calm down, Nick.  Just think back to medical school.
       [a college dorm filled with hippies and junkies]
Nick: [younger, to a pretty lady] Seriously, baby, I can prescribe
      anything I want!
-- "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Nick: I know I'm supposed to cut something, but what?
       [removes surgical mask] And where?
Lisa: [from the amphitheatre] Hey!  The incision should be made _below_
      the blockage!  Below!
Nick: Thanks, little girl!
-- Treat children as equals, they're smarter than you think, "Homer's
    Triple Bypass"

The knee bone's connected to the something,
The something is connected to the red thing,
The red thing is connected to my wrist watch --
Uh oh.
-- Dr. Nick reminds himself how to do medicine, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

The family wait fretfully outside.  Dr. Nick comes out.

Nick: Good news!  The operation was a complete success!
       [the ceiling shines]
-- And God smiled, "Homer's Triple Bypass"

They all cheer and meet Homer outside intensive care.

Lisa: All right, Dad!
Bart: You rule intensive care!
-- "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Homer's heart beats to the tempo of the Simpsons theme for a while, then
stops.  Homer beats his chest for a moment, and it finishes.

[End of Act Three.  Time: 19:43]


   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {jt}  Juha Terho
This episode summary was edited by James A. Cherry and is Copyright 1996
by Juha Terho.  Not to be redistributed in a public forum without
permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of
The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the
original authors.)