The Crepes of Wrath

The Crepes of Wrath
               Written by George Meyer, Sam Simon, John Swartzwelder, Jon Vitti
                                         Directed by Wesley Archer, Milton Gray

Title sequence


    {Garlic gum is not funny.}
    {Garlic gum is} at cutoff.


    Homer yells ``Auuuugh!'' when the car closes in on him.


    Homer doesn't fit.

Quotes and scene summary


 Bart arrives home from school, littering the hallway with his skateboard
 and knapsack.  Bart enters his messy room and feeds his pet frog.

 Out in the hallway, Homer complains about the mess, picking up a Krusty
 doll to illustrate his point.  Bart's skateboard introduces Homer to the
 quick way to get downstairs.  (``D'oh!  D'ah!  Son-of-a!  D'aargh!'')
 His back injured, Homer is unable to move, his only company Bart's
 Krusty doll, which says, ``I like to play with <you>'' over and over and
 over and over again.  SLH wanders in.  ``Go get help, boy.''  The dog licks
 Homer's face and takes a nap.

 Maggie crawls over Homer's face, then quiets him with her pacifier.
 Maggie naps next to her father.  Pull upward to show Homer lying on
 the floor, surrounded by Maggie, the pets, and a Krusty doll whose
 batteries are near death.

 Marge and Lisa arrive home, and Homer says, ``The boy.  Bring me the boy.''
 Marge storms into Bart's messy room and yells, ``If you had cleaned
 your room when I asked you to, your father's trick back would still
 be aligned!''  While tossing his junk into the closet, Bart discovers...
 a cherry bomb.  ``I thought I blew all you guys up!''

 Recess.  Principal Skinner patrols the schoolyard, accompanied by his
 mother.  Bart shows the explosive to his pals, who ask him what he's
 going to do with it.  Before he can answer, Principal Skinner arrives,
 and the foursome (Bart, Milhouse, Lewis and Richard) quickly line up and
 greet Principal Skinner in unison.  Mrs. Skinner asks Spanky to introduce
 the boys, and he does so.
   Mrs. Skinner: This is the Bart Simpson you're always talking about?
   Pr. Skinner:  Mm hm.
   Mrs. Skinner: Why, he looks so sweet!
   Bart:         I am, ma'am.
   -- He also lies, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 In the boys' room...
   Milhouse: You going to flush it?  [a cherry bomb]
   Bart:     What can I say?  I got a weakness for the classics.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Mrs. Skinner pays a visit to the little girls' room just as Bart flushes
 the cherry bomb.  Obvious consequences ensue.

 At the Simpsons' residence...
   Homer: [lying on the couch]  Oh, Maaarge, I'm still hurt!               \\
          [rings a handbell]  Maaarge!   Maaaaaarge!
   Marge: [finally arrives]  Oh, Homer.  How many times do I have to fluff
          your pillow?
   Homer: Actually, I was wondering if you could make me a grilled-cheese
   Marge: [reluctantly]  Well, okay.
   Homer: Make sure it's squished flat, and crunchy on the outside.
   Marge: I know how you like 'em, Homer.
   Homer: Oh, and can I have some of those wieners that come in a can?
          Oh, and some fruit cocktail, in heavy syrup.
   Marge: Mmmmm...
   -- Milking an injury, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 The doorbell rings, and Homer rings the handbell.  ``Maaaaarge!  Maaarge!
 MARGE!  GET THE DOOR!''  Marge peers through the peephole and gets a
 distorted view of Principal Skinner.  Bart escapes to his room as Marge
 brings Principal Skinner into the living room.  Homer remains on the couch.
   Homer:  Oh, hello, Principal Skinner.  I'd get up, but the boy crippled me.
   Principal Skinner: Mm hm.  I understand completely.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
   Pr. Skinner:  Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible.
          I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick.  I think it
          behooves us all to consider... deportation.
   Marge: Deportation!?  You mean, kick Bart out of the country?
   Homer: Eh, hear him out, Marge.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Skinner admits to being overly melodramatic.
   Pr. Skinner:  Our elementary school participates in a foreign exchange
          program.  Normally, a student is selection on the basis of academic
          excellence or intelligence.  But in Bart's case... I'm prepared to
          make a <big> exception.  And if you're willing to play along, he can
          be spending the next three months studying far, far away.
   Homer: Sounds great!
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Marge scolds Homer for agreeing even without knowing what country Bart
 is going to.
   Pr. Skinner: He'd be staying in France, in a lovely chateau in the heart
          of the wine country.
   Marge: But Bart doesn't speak French.
   Pr. Skinner: Oh, when he's fully immersed in a foreign language, the average
          child can become fluent in weeks!
   Homer: Yeah, but what about Bart?
   Pr. Skinner: I'm sure he'll pick up enough to get by.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 The Simpsons will be asked to host a student in exchange.
   Wait a minute, Skinner.  How do we know some principal over in France isn't
   pulling the same scam you are!
   -- Homer learns that Bart has been selected for an exchange program,
      ``The Crepes of Wrath''
   Pr. Skinner: You'll be getting an Albanian.
   Homer: You mean, all white with pink eyes?
   -- Student exchange program, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Marge thinks Bart should have some say in the matter.
   Ah, the life of a frog.  That's the life for me.
   -- Bart, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Bart loves the idea of going to France.
   He makes <me> crazy twelve months a year.  At least you get the summer off.
   -- Homer chats with Principal Skinner, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
   Bart:  And I'd get to take a plane there, wouldn't I, Mom?
   Marge: Yes, Bart.
   Bart:  And one back?
   -- We'll think about it, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Marge returns with Bart and announces that Bart has given the green light.
 Principal Skinner and Homer leap to their feet and exchange high fives.

 [End of Act One.  Time: 5:44]

 At Springfield International Airport, Marge kisses her ``special little guy''
 good-bye.  Lisa scowls, ``What do you know about France?''  Bart sneers
 back, ``I know I'm going and you're not.''
   Always remember that you're representing your country.  I guess what I'm
   saying is...  Don't mess up France the way you messed up your room.
   -- Homer sends Bart to France, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Bart is (literally) loaded onto the plane.  Meanwhile, in Tirana, Albania,
 a young boy bids farewell to his family.  (Mom, Dad, boy, sister, and baby
 girl.  Hmm...)

 Upon arrival in Paris, Bart is greeted by a surly young gentleman.  ``Okay,
 kid, let's go.''  Bart rides sidecar through the French countryside to
 Ch\^ateau Maison, a dilapidated vineyard.  An older man tells his donkey,
 ``Ah, Maurice.  Once the American boy arrives, your days of back-breaking
 work labor will be over.''  Bart arrives.

 Meanwhile, the rest of the family await the arrival of the exchange student.
 Lisa reads from a reference book.
   Lisa:  You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called the lek.
   Homer: Heh heh heh.  The lek!
   Lisa:  And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field.
   Homer: Give me the ol' stars-and-stripes!
   Lisa:  And the main export is furious political thought.
   Homer: Political what?
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 The plane carrying the exchange student lands.

 Meanwhile, the older gentleman (Cesar) introduces his nephew Huguolin (the
 gentleman who picked up Bart at the airport).
   You will find life here at the ch\^ateau hard, but if you shut up and
   do exactly what we say, the time will pass more quickly.
   -- Cesar, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 ``He's right, you know,'' adds Huguolin.

 The young boy deplanes and greets the family members by name.  He kisses
 Homer once on each cheek.  ``Affectionate little Albanian, isn't he.''

 Bart's hosts go through his luggage and divvy up the proceeds.

 The students are gathered to welcome Adil Hoxha.
   You might find his accent peculiar.  Certain aspects of his culture may seem
   absurd, perhaps even offensive.  But I urge you all to give little Adil the
   benefit of the doubt.  This way, and only in this way, do we hope to better
   understand our backward neighbors throughout the world.
   -- Principal Skinner's introduction, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Adil addresses his fellow students.

 Cesar, Huguolin, and Maurice walk cheerfully along, followed by Bart,
 straining under the weight of water buckets.

 Dinnertime at the Simpsons.
   Adil:  How can you defend a country where five percent of the people
          control ninety-five percent of the wealth?
   Lisa:  I'm defending a country where people can think and act
          and worship any way they want.
   Adil:  Cannot!
   Lisa:  Can too!
   Adil:  Cannot!
   Lisa:  Can too!
   Homer: Please, please, kids, stop fighting.
          Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity,
          and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism
          being oiled with the blood of the workers.
   -- The thoughts of a worker who does not control the means of production,
      ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 This succeeds in defusing the situation.
   Marge: I'll just clean the dishes...
   Adil:  No, Mrs. Simpson, you have been oppressed enough today.
          <I> will clear the dishes.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
   Did you see that?  This is the way I always wanted it to be!  We've become
   a fully-functioning family unit!  We've always blamed ourselves, but I
   guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.
   -- Homer trades Bart for Adil, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Lisa leaves the table in disgust.
   Oh, she's just jealous.  She'll get over it.
   And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her!  Heh, heh, heh.
   -- Homer on Lisa's recent ourburst, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Cesar and Huguolin enjoy their dinner of sausage, while Bart eats a raw
 turnip.  Huguolin orders Bart to go to sleep, and points at a pile of hay.
 But Maurice beats Bart to it, leaving our hero to sleep on the floor.

 Homer tucks Adil into bed.
   Homer: Look, Adil, you can call me `Dad'.
   Adil:  All right... `Dad'.
   Homer: Awwww, you called me `Dad'.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Adil asks to see the nuclear power plant.
   None of my biological kids ever wanted to see me at work...
   -- Homer, upon Adil's request to see SNPP, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Homer gladly agrees.  Adil says quietly to himself, ``Excellent...''

 Cesar instructs Bart on the proper way to pluck grapes.  ``Now do it a
 million times.''

 Homer takes Adil to SNPP.
   See these?  American donuts.  Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled.
   Now, how's <that> for freedom of choice!
   -- Homer introduces Adil to the American workplace, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Adil asks to see the plutonium isolation module.
   Homer: Hey, Lenny, does this place have one of those plutonium
          isolation deals?
   Lenny: Yeah, in Sector 12.
   Homer: Sector 12?
   Lenny: Third floor, by the candy machine.
   Homer: Oh, <that> Sector 12!
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Bart carefully plucks grapes.  He looks around and pops one into his
 mouth.  Huguolin whaps him on the back, causing Bart to spit out the
 grape. ``Ungrateful swine!  We give you food, we give you shelter, and
 this is how you repay us?''

 A radiation-suited Adil snaps photos furiously as Homer takes him through
 the plant.  They reach the plutonium isolation module, marked ``TOP SECRET''.
 Adil snaps away, and Homer keeps leaning into the frame to wave hello.
 ``D'oh, wait a minute.''  Homer removes his radiation hood and smiles
 for the camera.

 Bart unhappily stomps grapes.  ``I hate France, ungh, ungh, ungh.''

 Marge and Homer chat in bed.  A framed portrait of Adil hangs on the wall.
 Marge makes Homer admit that he loves Bart, and Homer makes Marge admit
 that Adil is a very sweet boy.  (``Darn tootin'!'')

 Pan out Bart's window to the treehouse, which is filled with electronics
 equipment.  Adil prepares a fax machine and tunes his radio.  ``Sparrow to
 Nest.  Sparrow to Nest.  Stand by for transmission.''  In Tirana, the fax
 is received.  ``I told you the Sparrow would not fail.''  The two generals
 admire the photo of the plutonium isolation module, with a smiling Homer
 standing in front of it.

 [End of Act Two.]

 His feet purple with grape juice, Bart reads a letter from Marge.
   We think Maggie may say her first word any day now.
   -- Marge's letter to Bart, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Bart finishes the letter, moans quietly, and blows out the candle.

 Cesar and Huguolin inspect the wine vats.  Cesar is optimistic about this
 year's harvest, but Huguolin notes that the wine has been fermenting for
 only three days.
   Quand je sens que ma foi dans les forces supr\^emes faiblit,
   je pense toujours au miracle de l'anti-freeze.
   -- Cesar, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
   Whenever my faith in God is shaken, I think of the miracle of anti-freeze.
   -- Cesar, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 ``Too much can be poison, but the right amount gives wine just the right
 kick.''  Cesar mixes some antifreeze with the wine.  Bart coughs outside,
 and Cesar shoos him away, then reconsiders.  He invites Bart in.  (``Watch.
 I bet it won't even blind him.'')
   Cesar: [shoves a cup of wine in Bart's face]  Drink this.
   Bart:  Oh, no thanks.
   Cesar: Do not worry.  This is France.  It is customary for children to take
          a little wine now and then.
   Bart:  Yeah, but it's got anti-freeze in there.
   Cesar: Drink it!
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Bart swallows hard, downs the wine, belches, and waits.  Cesar waves his
 hand in front of Bart's face.
   He sees well enough.  Now go buy a case of anti-freeze.
   -- Cesar, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Huguolin doesn't want to go out in the rain, so they send Bart.

 Bart pedals to Paris in search of 14 Rue Voltaire, but gives up.  He flags
 down a passing policeman.  Unfortunately, there's a language problem.
 The policeman unwraps a candy.  ``Voil\`a un bonbon.''  Bart reluctantly
 takes it but is unable to communicate.  ``Je suis d\'esol\'e.''  Bart
 walks away, dejected.
   I'm so stupid.  Anybody could've learned this dumb language by now.
   Here, I've listened to nothing but French for the past |{deux mois,}
                                                          |[two months,]
   {et je ne sais pas un mot.}
   [And I haven't learned a word.]
   {Eh!  Mais, je parle Fran\c{c}ais maintenant!}
   [Wait!  I'm talking French now!]
   -- Bart learns French, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 He rushes back to the policeman.
   Bart: You gotta help me.  These two guys work me night and day.
         They don't feed me.  They make me sleep on the floor.
         They put anti-freeze in the wine, and they gave
         my red hat to the donkey.
   Policeman: [shocked]
         Anti-freeze in the wine?  That is a very serious crime.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Homer arrives home with something tucked under his arm.
   Oh, just some blueprints Adil wanted.
   I'm telling you, he's such a curious little Dickens.
   I bet he could <build> a nukeeler power plant if he wanted to!
   -- Homer fetches classified information for Adil, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 A voice calls to the Sparrow to surrender.  Homer goes outside to see
 what the to-do is about.
   Homer: I'm his neighbor, what'd he do?
   Agent: [through the megaphone]  Well, sir, the...
          [turns off the megaphone] Well, sir...
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 The agent explains that they're closing in on a spy code-named ``The
 Sparrow''.  Homer thinks Adil might get a kick out of this.  Adil
 nervously drops his microphone out of the treehouse and attracts
 attention.  Homer waves hello, and is quickly trampled by dozens of
 FBI agents.

 In France, Cesar and Huguolin are placed in a paddy-wagon.  ``Au revoir,
 suckers!'' says Bart.  Bart makes headlines and receives a medal.

 At Springfield Airport, the agent explains that they will trade Adil
 for one of their own spies that had been captured.  The spy looks an
 awful lot like Bart.
   Spy:  So, Sparrow, we meet again.
   Adil: Yes.  Sometimes I think that I am getting too old for this game.
   -- ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Adil bids the Simpsons farewell, and Marge and Lisa mumble farewell.
   Good-bye, Adil!  I'll send you those civil defense plans you wanted!
   -- Homer bids farewell to an Albanian spy, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Flight mille neuf cent quatre-vingt huit arrives from Paris.  Bart leaps
 off the plane and greets his family.  Lisa checks the bags Bart was
 carrying.  ``He brought us gifts!  His first unselfish act.''

 In the kitchen, Bart concludes his story.
   So, basically, I met one nice French person.
   -- Bart's summary of his trip to France, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 Lisa says, ``It's good to see you,'' and Bart reflects the sentiment.
 Marge asks to try the wine Bart brought, as Homer struggles to open it.
   Some wise-guy stuck a cork in the bottle!
   -- Homer struggles to open a wine bottle, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
   Mon p\`ere!  Quel bouffon!
   -- Bart, ``The Crepes of Wrath''
 ``Ya hear that, Marge?  My boy speaks French!''  Homer finally uncorks
 the bottle with his teeth.

 [End of Act Three.]

Didja notice...

    ... the doors were missing from the toilet stalls in the boys' room?
        Typical elementary school facilities.
    ... Bart got his wish?  He lived the life of a frog!
    ... someone took a bicycle on the plane as carry-one luggage?
    ... not to mention a lamp? (Your baggage must fit inside this box, indeed!)
    ... Principal Skinner gave a speech and didn't screw up a single word?
    ... Adil was using a machine that looked like an Enigma machine?
    ... Bleeding Gums Murphy on the plane?

Movie (and other) References

    * Assorted French paintings
        - Bart's ride through the French countryside
        - Dejeuner sur l'herbe (``Ooh la-la!'')
        - Three others
    * Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring
        - Cesar and Huguolin look like and have the same names as the evil
          peasants. @{tas}@{jmv}
    * Red Balloon [Tony Wright]
        - Maggie holds on to a red balloon
    * Enver Hoxha
        - Adil Hoxha is a reference to this Albanian president
    * Jim Belushi
        - This famous Albanian was the reason that the country was used.

Animation and continuity goofs

The American flag in the auditorium is hanging the wrong way.  It should
be hung with the blue field in the upper left corner.

Comments and other observations

French, as viewed by a Frenchman

Jean-Marc Vezien @{jmv} volunteered to study the episode from a French
point of view, and here's the result of his analysis:

Although ``Bart's Dog Gets an F'' remains my favorite, ``The Crepes
of Wrath'' is certainly a very good episode, especially for a French
native.  The depiction of the two bad guys is hilarious (I'll try to
explain why below), as well as the accent itself.  First, the
names: Maurice, Cesar (this should be C\'esar, with acute accent, but
who cares?)\ and Huguolin.  Maurice is a typical French name, very
common for men in their 40's or 50's. Definitly out of fashion, and
usually associated with countryside flavor (which tends to be
pejorative nowadays).  Needless to say, this doesn't reflect the
average IQ of all the Maurices in France, but so there.

Cesar and Huguolin are two very famous characters of French
litterature, from the novel ``Manon des sources'' (Manon of the
Springs), two corrupted, bad-manered peasants of the 30's.  They don't
happen to make wine, but steal the water from another guy's land by
obstructing his spring.  In fact, the story is rather intricate and
probably not interesting for Americans.  But Cesar and Huguolin
represent the archetype of the typical narrow-minded, twisted farmer
of France at the beginning of the century, ready to commit any abuse
for a little money.  Needless to say, this doesn't reflect the average
behaviour of all the farmers in France, but so there.

The funniest thing all along the episode is the accent.  The point is,
except the policeman (who speaks such a accentless French that it's
funny anyway), all the French speaking characters have a <very thick>
American accent.  Furthermore, Cesar and Huguolin's voicers have
tried to imitate the French countryside accent, which kept me rolling on
the floor with laughter.  Some of the sentences are very hard to catch,
even for a native, and a few words remain a mystery for me.  Oh well.  I
also like the way the French guys speak English (a very good catch of
the real French accent, putting `e' at the ends of sentences, or
rolling the `r').

Now, for those who plan to go to France for a vacation or an exchange
student program, let me state this:  It is possible to go in September,
to the southwest of France (the Bordeaux region) and spend a
marvelous (although exhausting) time, gathering the grapes.  Lots of
gigantic meals, free wine and girls (well, at least wine...),
in a friendly atmosphere.  No Cesar or Huguolin, and no risk of
anti-freeze!  Along this line, it's absolutly <true> that some crooks
tried to add anti-freeze to the wine in order to make it taste ``older''.
(Normally it takes at least one and up to 20 years to make a decent
wine.)	This, of course, is prohibited and the production is severely
controlled.  (I speak for France, now the situation can be somewhat
different in Italy or Spain, which produce lots of cheap wine.)

And out of curiosity, is it real Albanian?

Now for the French part

\def\){\endQuoteMulti\eQ}\let\,\c\def|#1: #2|{\QuoteLine{#1}{#2}\endQuoteLine}

Before Bart arrives...
{|C\'esar:     Ah, Maurice. D\`es que le gar\,con am\'ericain arrive,
               tes jours d'esclavage sont finis.
||Translation: Ah, Maurice.  As soon as the American boy arrives,
               your days of slavery are over.
||Subtitle:    Ah, Maurice.  Once the American boy arrives /
               your days of back-breaking labor will be over.

Huguolin and C\'esar go through Bart's things:
{|Huguolin:     C\'esar, regarde!  Nous sommes riches!
||Translation:  C\'esar, look!  We are rich!
||Subtitle:     Cesar, look!  We are rich!
 |C\'esar:      Ceux-l\`a sont trop petits, mais on peut les vendre.
||Translation:  These are too small, but we can sell them.
||Subtitle:     These won't fit us, but we can sell them.
 |Huguolin:     Regarde, Maurice.  Un beau chapeau rouge pour toi.
||Translation:  Look, Maurice.  A beautiful red hat for you.
||Subtitle:     And a red hat for you, Maurice.

{|Huguolin:     Elle est bonne cette saucisse.
||Translation:  This sausage is really good.
||Subtitle:     Mmm.  Good sausage.
 |C\'esar:      Oui tr\`es. Passe-moi le vin.
||Translation:  Yeah, a lot.  Give me the wine.
||Subtitle:     Yes.  Pass me the wine.
So we have here the archetype of (1)~the typical rural French meal
and (2)~the typical rural French conversation.

As Bart reads the letter from Marge...
{|C\'esar:     Silence!
||Translation: Silence!
But you knew that already.

In the wine shack...
{|C\'esar:      Ah, je crois que \,ca va \^etre notre meilleur cuv\'ee.
||Translation:  Ah, I think this is going to be our best vintage.
||Subtitle:     This will be our finest wine ever.
 |Huguolin:     Mais le vin n'a ferment\'e que trois jours.
||Translation:  But the wine has only fermented for three days.
||Subtitle:     But it's only been fermenting for three days.
 |C\'esar:      Quand je sens que ma foi dans les forces supr\^emes
                faiblit, je pense toujours au miracle de l'anti-freeze.
||Translation:  When my faith in the supreme forces weakens, I always
                think of the miracle of the antifreeze.
||Subtitle:     Whenever my faith in God is shaken,
                I think of the miracle of anti-freeze.
I couldn't stop laughing at this one.  First, C\'esar pronounces <cuv\'ee>
(vintage) with an American ``u'', sounding <coov\'ee>, or using French
spelling, <couv\'ee>, which means ``clutch''!  Then there is this
incredible sentence refering to supreme forces.  I don't know for the
Americans, but it sounds crazy in French.
[It sounds crazy in English, too. --rjc]  Last, C\'esar says
<antifreeze> (we say <antigel> in French), which, combined
with the leading <de l'>, sounds almost like
<dentifrice> which means <toothpaste>!

{|C\'esar:      Si on en met trop, bien s\^ur, c'est du poison.
||Translation:  If you put put too much of it, of course, it's lethal.
||Subtitle:     Too much can be poison,
 |C\'esar:      Mais dans les proportions voulues, \,ca donne du corps au vin.
||Translation:  But in the desired proportions, it gives body to the wine.
||Subtitle:     but the right amount gives wine just the right kick.
``Corps'' is difficult to translate here, as I'm not a specialist of wine.
In fact, I realize I don't even know how to describe it properly.
Let's stick to ``body'', which is reasonably accurate.

{|Huguolin:     Je crois que tu en as mis trop.
                Tu vas tuer quelqu'un avec \,ca.
||Translation:  I think you put too much of it.
                You'll kill somebody with that.
||Subtitle:     You put in too much.  It may kill someone.
 |C\'esar:      Tuer quelqu'un?  T'es fou!
||Translation:  Kill someone?  You're nuts!
||Subtitle:     Kill someone?  Don't be ridiculous.

As they're about to feed Bart the tainted wine...
{|C\'esar:      Regarde, je te parie que \,ca va m\^eme pas le rendre aveugle.
||Translation:  Look, I bet you he's not even going to be blind.
||Subtitle:     Watch.  I'll bet it won't even blind him.
The word ``aveugle'' is spoken in such a manner that only by consulting
the subtitle could I figure out what he said!

{|C\'esar:      Qu'est ce que je t'avais dit?
                Maintenant, vas nous chercher une caisse
                d'anti-freeze au magasin.
||Translation:  What did I tell you?
                Now, go and get us a case of antifreeze at the store.
||Subtitle:     He sees well enough.  Now go buy a case of anti-freeze.
Here, <d'anti-freeze> really sounds like <dentifrice>.

{|Huguolin:     Mais il pleut!
                Est-ce qu'on peut attendre \`a faire le vin demain?
||Translation:  But it's raining!
                Can't we wait until tomorrow to make the wine?
||Subtitle:     But it's raining outside.  Let's make the wine tomorrow.
It seems that Huguolin's voicer had problem with this sentence, which
sounds terrible. Besides, the <\`a> is incorrect.  It should be <pour>~(for)
or <et>~(and).

{|C\'esar:      On a d\'ej\`a perdu trois jours.
||Translation:  We've already lost three days.
||Subtitle:     We have already waited three days.
Sounds like a good score for wine-making!

{|Huguolin:     Alors, envoie le gar\,con!
||Translation:  Then, send the kid!
||Subtitle:     Then send the boy.

Bart's visit to Paris.  Stores named <La Rotisserie> and <Bon Dormir>.
Bart spots a (not so) typical French policeman and tries to talk to him.
{|Policeman:    Excusez-moi, je ne parle pas Anglais.
||Translation:  Excuse me, I don't speak English.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha ha!  A French policeman <never> apologizes.  Besides,
this guy sounds like a shy school teacher who spent his life behind
his books (with a perfect, sweet, accentless French), not like the
average cop, who would have said: ``<Ben alors petit, t'as perdu ta
m\`ere?>''  (So shorty, lost your mum?)

Bart's struggle with the language continues.
{|Policeman:    Tiens, petit gar\,con.  Voil\`a un bonbon.
||Translation:  There, little boy.  here's a piece of candy.
Do you <really> think French cops give sweets to lost American kids?

{|Policeman:    Je suis d\'esol\'e, j'aimerais vraiment pouvoir vous aider.
||Translation:  I'm sorry, I'd really like to help you.
Come on!  An understanding cop?  Gimme a break, man!

Bart complains to himself, ``Anybody could have learnt this dumb language
by now!''  (Sure, especially Homer!)
{|Bart:         Here, I've listened to nothing but French for the past
                deux mois, / et je ne sais pas un mot.
||Translation:  two months, / And I don't know a word!
||Subtitle:     two months. / And I haven't learned a word.
Not too bad an accent, for a beginner.

{|Bart:         Mais, je parle Fran\,cais maintenant! / Incroyable!
||Translation:  My, I speak French now! / Incredible!
||Subtitle:     Wait!  I'm talking French now! / Incredible!
Indeed, it is.

{|Bart:         Hey, Monsieur, aidez-moi!
                Ces deux types me font travailler jour et nuit.
                Ils ne me donnent pas \`a manger,
                ils me font dormir par terre,
                ils mettent de l'antifreeze dans le vin,
                et ils ont donn\'e mon chapeau rouge \`a l'\^ane.
||Translation:  Hey sir, help me!
                Those two guys make me work day and night.
                They don't feed me,
                they make me sleep on the ground,
                they put antifreeze in the wine,
                and they gave my red hat to the donkey.
||Subtitle:     You gotta help me.  These two guys work me night and day. /
                They don't feed me.  They make me sleep on the floor. /
                They put anti-freeze in the wine,
                and they gave my red hat to the donkey.
Note that the policeman gulps when Bart mentions the antifreeze.
Nothing is worse than to adulterate wine in France.
Death penalty at the very least.

{|Policeman:    De l'antifreeze dans le vin?
                Ah mais c'est s\'erieux \,ca!
                Viens avec moi, fiston, tu n'as plus rien \`a craindre.
||Translation:  Antifreeze in the wine?
                This is serious indeed!
                Come with me, boy, you've got nothing to fear anymore.
||Subtitle:     Anti-freeze in the wine?  That is a very serious crime. /
                Come along, boy.  There is nothing for you to fear now.
Two major flaws here:  First, the French cop understands it all right away.
Usually you have to explain things four or five times just to get a
glimmer of comprehension.  Second, Bart is now all alone with a cop,
which typically means that he's in deep, deep trouble.

{|Bart:         Mon [???].  Vous aurez toujours une place dans mon c{\oe}ur.
||Translation:  My [???].  You will always have a place in my heart.
||Subtitle:     My savior.  You will always have a place in my heart.
The first two words are covered by music and are impossible to figure out.
As for Bart's behaviour (thanking a cop), I can
see only one explanation:  Antifreeze poisoning.

The bad guys get busted...
{|Policeman:    He ben maintenant, vous ferez votre vin en prison!
||Translation:  Well, now, you'll make your wine in prison!
||Subtitle:     From now on you will be doing all your winemaking in prison.
Ha, ha, ha.  Typical cop joke.

{|Huguolin:     Nous [????] les prisons!
||Translation:  We [????] the jails!
The word marked [????] is not a French word. I swear it.

{|C\'esar:      Et tout \,ca, parce qu'on a particip\'e \`a un
                programme d'\'echange d'\'etudiants!
||Translation:  And all this because we were part of an student
                exchange program!
||Subtitle:     And all because we participated in a student exchange program.
 |Bart:         Au revoir, suckers!
||Translation:  Bye bye, suckers!
Note that Bart could have used the French equivalent of suckers, ``pigeons''.

At the airport:
{|Voice:        Air France, flight mille neuf cent quatre-vingt huit,
                Paris to Springfield, is now arriving.
||Translation:  Air France, flight 1988, Paris to Springfield, is now arriving.

Back at home, Bart muses to himself...
{|Bart:         Mon p\`ere, quel bouffon.
||Translation:  My father.  What a buffoon.
||Subtitle:     My father.  What a buffoon.
All in all, pretty funny. Nevertheless, I wonder why they didn't take
real French speakers.  (Hey, they could have asked me!)  Now don't
tell me it was too difficult to find.  The depiction of France was as
grotesque as I expected (Bart met one nice person in France), and
Groening et al.\ captured some of the worse features you can find on a
trip to France.  (Wonder where he got his info.)

But antifreeze is so sweet and tasty!

The antifreeze is a reference to an actual case in which small amounts of
diethylene glycol were found in wine.  In the commentary to the Season 1 DVD,
the writers indicate that it was probably a mistake, but that's not the whole

A few Austrian winemakers wanting to comete with the more highly-rated Germanic
wines, so they started adding diethylene glycol, a close cousin to antifreeze
(and may be a component of some antifreezes), which causes the wine to be
sweeter and more viscous.  This was discovered when one winery listed the
chemical in its tax returns.  There are reports of various importers relabeling
the wine and trying to pass it off as domestic, unaware of the antifreeze.

Ironically, the 1985 Austro-Germanic Diethylene Glycol Wine Scandal caused
Austria to implement extremely strict wine laws, such that Austrian wine is now
very highly regarded.


You'd think the water in the toilet bowl would've extinguished the fuse
on the cherry bomb.

Andrew Gill responds: Not necessarily!  Some fuses are waterproof (before
and/or after ignition), and some explosive devices will continue to work if
they start out of water (Not that anyone in my family would have
ever--ahem--tried this).  Besides--as Bart says, this is a classic.  People
have been doing this since toilets were invented.

Boring distribution restrictions

Episode summaries Copyright 1991--1992 by Raymond Chen.  Updated 2002 by Andrew
Gill.  Diethylene glycol was not used in the making of this capsule.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of
course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the

HTML conversion by
Howard Jones( on Sat 10 Sept 1994