Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment                Written by John Swartzwelder
                                                      Directed by Bob Anderson
==============================================================================
Production code: 4F15                     Original Airdate on FOX: 16-Mar-1997
Capsule revision C (24-Feb-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis  {jmb}
==============================================================================
   No-nonsense Fred Rex Banner (Dave Thomas) leads the enforcement of
   Springfield's long-standing -- and long-ignored -- prohibition law.  Thus,
   meet Homer the Bootlegger.

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Couch:          The couch is outside in a southwestern desert; everyone is in
                cowboy gear as they sit on it, which then gallops away.
                [Recycled from 4F03]

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... Marge's hair was green in the parade?  ({ddg} says: Yes, you noticed
       it, I noticed it, EVERYBODY with color TV noticed it - but somebody has
       to mention it just to be sure it gets in the capsule)
   ... Homer wears a green shirt to Moe's?

Dale G. Abersold:
   ... the designated drivers _aren't_ wearing green?
   ... the writers avoided the obvious "Smithers tries to march in the St.
       Patrick's Day Parade" joke?  (Good for them!)

Anthony Dean:
   ... Moe's opens at 9 AM?
   ... Bart seems indifferent towards having been drunk?
   ... the Springfield Shopper is *still* 35 cents?
   ... Homer was unusually clever in this episode?
   ... Maggie was only seen at the parade?
   ... Lisa, for once, didn't think it was worth protesting an unfair
       circumstance? (maybe her ill-fated trip to Duff Gardens influenced
       this?)

Don Del Grande:
   ... pretty much everybody in the school was pinching Bart except Lisa? (You
       would think she would have been among the first)
   ... with her green dress, Lisa had a green hair ribbon, but red shoes?
       (Christmastime in March!  {bjr})
   ... at the parade, Maggie's "baggie" and hair ribbon are more teal than
       their usual color, which tends to give the entire scene a slightly
       greenish feel (well, that and Marge's hair)?
   ... Barney chose to risk being catapulted in Springfield rather than move
       to, say, Shelbyville, where beer was still legal (and presumably less
       than $45 a glass)?
   ... the bowling alley is "Barney's New Bowlarama" (in 7G06, "Barney's
       Bowlarama" was destroyed somehow)?
   ... the scoresheet at the bowling alley doesn't say "Barney's", but
       something that ends in "ONS"?
   ... the bowling alley has 20 lanes?  (Homer is on lane 18, and there are
       two lanes to his right)

Jason Hancock:
   ... Milhouse isn't wearing green himself, and yet he pinches Bart?
   ... one of the fighting drunks behind Kent wears a Boston Red Sox tank top?
   ... Sideshow Mel gets a pie in the face as Wiggum is watching Krusty's
       show?
   ... "Do Not Enter" is written in English, Spanish, French, German, and
       Japanese?
   ... Moe's "pets" are a rabbit and a parrot?
   ... Rex doesn't notice that the "pet shop" has a cigarette machine?
   ... as he confronts Homer, Wiggum still wears his badge?
   ... Channel 6's microphone is the only one of the four that can be
       identified at Rex's press conference?

Darrel Jones:
   ... during Prohibition, other elements of 20's culture (like the swingin'
       jazz) come back into style?
   ... Bart thinks standing on your head helps him think?  [See Matt Salomone
       for another explanation of this -- Ed.]

Joe Klemm:
   ... the episode starts off tomorrow unlike yesterday in most episodes?
       [The original airing of this episode was the day before St. Patrick's
       Day, 1997 -- Ed.]
   ... the Li'l Lugger license plate is 3F23?
   ... Bart joins the family when they tell Lisa to go to her room?
   ... the D'oh [or is that "won't"? -- Ed.] when Rex tells Homer that he will
       catch him?
   ... Lenny knew Homer was the Beer Baron?

Haynes Lee:
   ... street number of store where Flanders is #107?
   ... Kirk is enjoying the single life?
   ... tub of Coca Cola in the basement?

Ondre Lombard:
   ... LuAnne is wearing her regular outfit again?
   ... this is Fat Tony's third appearance in one season?  (something never
       done before, to my knowledge)

Dallas J. Pesola:
   ... Bumble Bee Man in the crowd scene at the end?

Mark Aaron Richey:
   ... Nelson's jacket and hat was covered in shamrocks?
   ... Moe's green beer dye is poisonous?
   ... Cub Scouts are helping an old woman cross the street, while Lenny
       watched?
   ... a man lifts his hat to Homer as the latter enters Moe's Pet Shop?
   ... Wiggum is dancing with Princess Kashmir?
   ... Burns is wearing a beaver [or possibly raccoon -- Ed.] coat?
   ... the police are watching Krusty when Rex arrives?
   ... the police use tommyguns to destroy the beer barrels?
   ... the comic book guy's eyes widen when Homer and Bart pass by?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... Moe had a "Help Wanted: No Irish Need Apply" sign in his bar?
   ... the mono-browed animator from "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
       [4F12]" is in the parade crowd?  (He's standing to the right of Lenny
       when the Duff ladies hose the crowd with green beer.)
   ... the people at the pro-prohibition rally were all women? (The real-life
       Prohibition Party is predominantly female.)
   ... Dr. Hibbert's wife's name is Bernice?

Matt Salomone:
   ... we get to hear Barney burp three times?
   ... Bart stands on his head to try and get a buzz?  [See Darrel Jones for
       another explanation of this -- Ed.]
   ... the license plate on the moving trailer is 3F23, the production code
       for "You Only Move Twice"?
   ... the word 'hooch' is used thrice?
   ... the basement has a door to the outside, a la storm cellar?
   ... Homer walks by Rex Banner with a wheelbarrow full of liquor-making
       materials?
   ... Marge stands idly by while Homer is on fire?

Liam J. Scanlan:
   ... Jimbo and Milhouse didn't wear green either?
   ... Smithers wasn't in the parade, yet Barney was?  (he wasn't at Moe's)
   ... Groundskeeper Willy, Ruth Powers and Matt Groening at Moe's?
   ... Springfield was dry for 18 hours?
   ... this episode is considered a Fat Tony episode?  (considering he only
       had a few lines, Joe Mantegna didn't do his voice in 3F15)

Marge Starbrod-Simpson:
   ... some people in the crowd at the parade weren't wearing green?
   ... this is the second time Barney's Bowlarama has been replaced with a
       new, exactly identical one?
   ... No one was at Barney's when Homer and Bart were doing their
       "bootlegging" thing?
   ... Mrs. Wiggum apparently doesn't have a job?

Minto Thompson:
   ... after the "beer ban", the kids helping the old lady across the street?
   ... the cops with Ted Banner see that Homer and co. are drinking at Moe's
       "Pet shop" but don't inform Mr. Banner?
   ... that Lenny at one time is for the beer ban, then later he isn't?
   ... while Mr. Banner thinks the "beer baron" is just "media hype", Lenny
       knows it's in fact Homer?  (says his name when Kent reports he's been
       caught)
   ... Moe leaves the Bar unattended, or so it seems?  (Barney the
       supervisor?)

Javier Vera:
   ... Homer is able to afford 40 [42, actually -- Ed.] bathtubs?
   ... Homer and Bart making 12-year old whisky?
   ... Homer covered only one hole of the bowling balls?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Barney, Chief Wiggum, Homer, Irish Cop #1  {ol}, Irish
        Cop #2  {ol}, Krusty, Quimby, Town Clerk  {ol}, "Hey, have you seen
        Sully?"  {ol})
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Apu, Eddie, Kirk, Lou, Moe, Narrator, Wiggum, "Hey, where's
        that weather chick?"  {ol})
   - Harry Shearer (Brockman, Dr. Hibbert, Duff Executive  {ol}, Lenny,
        Quimby's aide, "Hey ma, I'm on TV"  {ol}, "This is some wicked party,
        eh?"  {ol})

- Special Guest Voice
   - Dave Thomas (Rex Banner)
   - Joe Mantegna (Fat Tony)

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
   - Tress MacNeille (Elderly Woman  {ol})
   - Maggie Roswell (Helen Lovejoy, Maude Flanders)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "The Untouchables" (movie)
      - the Walter Winchell-sounding narration  {ddg}

   + English-Irish tensions  {mar}
      - explosion of pub refers to this (See "Comments" sections)

   + James Joyce (author)  {cs}
      - one of the writers (the one in the cap and glasses) on the "Drunken
        Irish Authors of Springfield" float is the spitting image of the
        author of the revolutionary novel "Ulysses"

   ~ "Sins of the Father" (movie)  {hl}
      - explosion of pub similar to movie

   + "Say No To Drugs" (anti-drug slogan)  {bjr}
      - one of the protesters adapts this to, "Say No To Drunks"

   + Poe's graveside vigil
      - Barney's tribute to the Duff Brewery is similar (See "Personal
        Comments & Observations")

   + U-Haul (moving company)  {jh}
      - the Li'l Lugger trailer has similar shape, and is painted in a similar
        fashion, to those of this move-it-yourself giant

   ~ "Super Mario Brothers" (the TV series)  {lo}
      - network of pipes leading to Moe's bar similar to one shown in opening
        credits of this series

   + "The Night Hawks" by Edward Hopper (painting)  {dga}
      - Rex with Eddie and Lou at the diner closely resemble this famous
        painting

   + Superman (superhero)  {jh}
      - the Comic Book Guy's comment about being a mild-mannered newspaper
        reporter by day is referring to this

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Irish References  {hl}
   - [9F15] SNPP union clause for a green cookie every St. Patrick's Day.
   - [9F18] Bart reveals that snake whacking day was made up as an excuse to
            beat up the Irish.  Irishman says "But 'twas was all in good fun".
   - [9F21] Dexy's Midnight Runners mentioned (Irish rock group).
   - [9F21] Barney sings Tura-lura-lura (an Irish Lullaby). with an Irish
            voice.  Irishman from [9F18] starts crying.
   - [1F08] Burns laughs continuously after remembering he crippled an Irish
            worker with a bumper car.
   - [1F09] Grampa says he chased the Irish out in 1904. Irishman from [9F18]
            says "And a fine job you did, too".
   - [1F14] Priest in soup kitchen has Irish accent.
   - [2F20] Smithers says he tried to march in the New York St. Patrick's Day
            parade.
   - [3F16] Vintage "Itchy runs afoul of an Irishman" while Chester Lampwick
            plays "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" on piano.
   - [3G03] Barney sings with Irish voice from [9F21].
   - [4F13] Bart makes crank 911 phone call about "leprechaun bite".
   - [4F15] Well, d'uh!

- Homer doing illegal things  {hl}
   - [7F08] Stealing Christmas trees
   - [7F13] Stealing cable
   - [8F08] Homer produces alcoholic beverages  {ad}
   - [9F14] As 17, using a fake ID to buy beer
   - [2F21] Playing with police tape; Buying beer for minors; parking his car
            over three handicap lots; gambling
   - [3F10] Embezzling Mr. Burns' money
   - [4F15] Smuggling beer; distilling liquor

- The car being destroyed  {ol}
   - [7F06] Truck-a-saurus damages it
   - [8F06] Princess takes a bite out of the car seat
   - [9F07] Crashes his car into Marge's car
   - [9F09] Homer crashes the car into a chestnut tree
   - [2F06] The car is overturned by a helicopter

- [7G02] Homer and turpentine  {ol}
- [7G05], [3F03] Small animal catapulted a great distance  {an}
- [7G09] Homer: "Avenge my death"  {dga}
- [7G11] A "new" Barney's replaces one that was lost in a disaster.  {mss}
- [7F05], [9F14] The Duff Brewery is seen  {jh}
- [7F13] Title: "Homer vs. A Numbered Rule"  {ljs}
- [7F17] Mrs. Hibbert's first name mentioned  {dh}
- [7F17] Hopper's "Nighthawks" is referenced visually  {dga}
- [8F03] Bart stumbles into speakeasy  {hl}
- [8F03], [2F12], [3F15], [3F20], [4F03], [4F08] Fat Tony Appearances  {ljs}
- [8F08], [3F02] Moe changes his sign  {mss}
- [8F08] Moe serving something other than beer  {ol}
- [8F08] Moe's [the tavern, not the man] is jumping  {mss}
- [9F01], [2F07] Homer catches on fire  {jh}
- [9F10] Obscure Springfieldian laws ...  {dga}
- [9F11] One of the Simpson kids gets buzzed from something they drunk  {jw}
- [9F13], [1F07] Ducks and "The Simpsons"  {ol}
- [9F18] Barney wants in at the Duff Brewery  {ljs}
- [9F20] Full grown alligator in toilet  {hl}
- [9F20] Ned Flanders having a brush with the law  {ol}
- [9F22] An important law is read, followed by a pointless, crazy one next to
         it  {ms}
- [9F22], [1F05], [4F08] A parade is held  {mss}
- [1F01], [3F03] Marge hops on Bart and Homer's bandwagon  {mss}
- [1F05] The fight sequence at the St. Patrick's Day parade looked like the
         one at the "Do What You Feel Like" parade  {ol}
- [2F05], [3F24] "Maybe I will, maybe I will!" is said (compare with Homer's
         "Maybe I do, maybe I do")  {mss}
- [2F07] Homer and Grampa make bathtub medicine  {hl}
- [2F07] Homer rolling on the grass in flames  {mss}
- [2F09] What really happens to bowling pins at the alley  {hl}
- [2F10] Something ridiculous goes on behind the scenes at the bowling alley
         {jh}
- [2F12] A multiple car pileup occurs on the freeway  {ol}
- [2F14] Bart is unaware of an important day  {ad}
- [2F20] Gays not being allowed to march in St. Patrick's Day parade  {ljs}
- [2F22], [2F22] homer says "suck like a fox" (in 2F22 he says "stupider like
         a fox")  {il}
- [3F03] Lisa told to go to her room  {ol}
- [3F09] the cleverest thing Homer ever said/did  {mss}
- [3F14] Karl's face smudged against window  {hl}
- [3F15] Chief Wiggum asks for a bribe from Troy McClure (cf. Lou and Eddie
         accepting Fat Tony's bribes)  {ol}
- [3F16] Apu associated with public nudity  {bjr}
- [3F20] Helen's plea to "think of the children"
- [3F22] Moe mispronouncing words  {mss}
- [3G03], [4F03] Turpentine or any other wood-finisher substituted for
         beer.  {ljs}
- [4F04] Kirk van Houten acts like an un-married man  {il}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Seen at the parade  {mar}
   - Snake, Lenny, Krusty, Dr. Nick, Jasper, Apu, Kirk Van Houten, Mrs.
     Skinner, Mrs. Krabappel, Cletus, Skinner, Mr. Largo, Milhouse, Richard,
     Marge, and a drunken Bart.

- Seen at Moe's on St. Pats  {mar}
   - Sideshow Mel, Luanne Van Houten, Moe, Barney, Homer (with a barrel on his
     head), Lenny

- Signs in Moe's  {mar}
   - "Erin Go Bragh", "Kiss Me, I'm Irish",

- Stores along the parade route  {bjr}

     TWELVE-DAY      HEINRICH'S
    DRY CLEANERS    MONOCLE SHOP

- Signs at the rally  {bjr}

    PROHIBITION     DRAFT      SAY NO
        NOW          MEN,        TO

                   NOT BEER    DRUNKS

- Various newspaper headlines

    ALCOHOL PROHIBITED        {bjr}
      IN SPRINGFIELD

                Bums Threaten
                To Leave Town

    BANNER BARS BOOZE         {bjr}

                Booze Barred
                 By Banner

    SPRINGFIELD GOES          {rs}
       DRY TODAY

                Bums Extend
                 Deadline

       BEER BARON             {bjr}
      BEATS BANNER

                Family Sedan
                Outruns Cops

- Banner's first telegram  {bjr}

    A006 GOVT DL PD = TDFX SPRINGFLD 6848N

                  MR. BANNER=
            SPRINGFIELD NEEDS YOU!=

           MAYOR QUIMBY SPRINGFIELD=-

    18311AGPO -XDARA156746621ST8TH1ST240006=

- And his second  {bjr}

    2NLPO-ALA CHICAGO 6 648A EST=

                   REXY:
              DAISY HAD PUPPIES!=

                 LOVE MOM==

    37311AGPO-YE8RA15674 6621ST7TH1ST24005=

- Drinking in Moe's "Pet Store" during prohibition  {dj}
   - Homer, Barney, Chief Wiggum, Burns, Smithers, Princess Kashmir, Mrs.
     Krabappel, Miss Hoover, Kirk Van Houten, Lenny, Krusty, Groundskeeper
     Willie, Jasper, Bumblebee Man, Sideshow Mel, Mrs. Hibbert, Dr. Rick
     Riviera, Ruth Powers, Carl

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
*  Why is this episode called "Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment"?  The 18th
   Amendment was in 1917, and Springfield's law was enacted 200 years ago.
   {ll}

*  Prohibition was a national thing, as was the repealing of said law.  How
   could it NOT affect one town (and a small one to boot)?  {mss}

+  Since Lisa and Bart are the only two entering the school at the beginning
   of the episode, it'd mean they are late for class.  I can understand Bart,
   but Lisa?  {ol}

+  Homer should be at work.  [Probably just played hooky that day... -- Ed.]
   {ol}

+  Bart is at the St. Patrick's Day parade, but he was first seen at school.
   {ol}

+  Lenny went into Moe's, but later he is seen in the crowd of fighting folks,
   calling "Look everybody!  Free beer!"  {ol}

+  Again, Mrs. Krabappel and Skinner are at the parade, but should be in the
   school.  Same deal with Milhouse and Richard.  {ol}

+  Now, Lenny is at Moe's, but was first seen in the crowd.  {ol}

+  If on the screen it reads "Drunken Boy--Live," why is the family home
   during Kent's report?  (ol)

*  Why didn't the town simply hold a referendum to lift the prohibition ban?
   {ad}

+  While reading the paper, Dr. Hibbert calls his wife "Bernice."  Previous
   episodes had her name as Sylvia.  {ms}

*  Springfield isn't the only city in the U.S.  Why waste all that Duff beer
   when it could be going to other states and cities?  {ol}

*  Since none of the guys ever seemed happy about having no beer, I have to
   wonder why there are men in the crowd cheering the dumping of Duff beer
   kegs.  {ol}

+  The Duff Brewery is in Capitol City, not Springfield.  (ol)

=  While she's dancing with Chief Wiggum, Princess Khasmir's breasts appear to
   point ... up?  {bjr}

+  Duff already has an alcohol-free brand, as seen in "Sideshow Bob's Last
   Gleaming (3F08)."  {ma}

-  Eddie's shirt wasn't untucked until Rex told him to tuck it in.  {ol}

*  Assuming Homer is watching the eleven o'clock news, Bart should be in bed
   by now.  (ol)

*  Does Rex Banner ever sleep?  He's tailing Homer late at night.  Besides,
   how'd he know Homer was out there stealing the beer anyway?  (ol)

=  How could Rex Banner shoot through the front window from behind?  {hl}

-  The crack in Homer's windshield disappears.  {ms}

*  How did Homer set up that network of underground pipes anyway?  And so
   quickly, at that.  {ol}

+  As a former police officer who quit because of corruption, it's out of
   character for Marge to approve of Homer breaking the law.  {ol}

*  How did Moe afford to install that pet shop facade thing?  {ol}

*  Homer doesn't appear to be injured after he's set on fire  {jv}

*  Wiggum's gun cocks, yet it has no trigger or handle to keep tension on the
   hammer.  {ms}

+  Marge shouldn't be for liquor.  She asked Homer to give it up for thirty
   days in 9F14, and complained at the marriage retreat that he hangs out in a
   seedy bar in 7F21.  (ol)

+  Chief Wiggum should know the prohibition penalty is catapult.  He was
   present in City Hall when Mayor Quimby read the parchment.  {ol}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale Abersold:  Not great, but not terrible, either.  Probably the best part
   of the episode was the first act, showing the Springfield St. Paddy's Day
   degradation.  The later acts petered out, and Dave Thomas really didn't
   bring much to his guest appearance.  Several hilarious visual gags made up
   for it, however.  Nice try, guys.  (B)

Duane Bigoni:  Alcohol-related issues have always been tackled well by The
   Simpsons, and with brilliant satire to boot, but I liked this one even
   better than "Flaming Moe's" or "Duffless."  It was an unexpected return to
   the fourth season's style of humor.  There were lots of funny, nostalgic
   moments, my favorites being the old newsreel-type narration and the first
   journey into Moe's speakeasy (Wiggum's dancing was hilarious). And, of
   course, every alcohol-themed episode crawls with fantastic Barney scenes!
   The eighth season has been sort of spotty, but the writers are still fully
   capable of cooking up brilliant, original episodes like this one.  (A)

Rich Bunnell:  Not bad, not bad.  I never burst out laughing at any of the
   jokes, but that's not to say I didn't like them.  (Well, I did laugh at
   that cat in the catapult scene, hee hee!)  I also liked Homer's way of
   getting beer to Moe's, and "Those gears down there hurt!"  (A)

Jason Hancock:  This was a hit-or-miss effort; some things were hits (like the
   parade and the "Alcohol-Free Duff") while others were misses (like Dave
   Thomas' role).  I thought it was going to be a remake of "Much Apu About
   Nothing" (3F20) with a preachy message tone, but it wasn't.  (B-)

Joe Klemm:  This episode was much better than I thought it was going to be.
   The St. Patrick's Day parade was very funny, despite the fact that they
   could have had Smithers in the parade.  Other than that, it was very funny,
   especially when the vats of liquor explode.  (A)

Ondre Lombard:  Some funny lines, good routines, the Narrator was pretty funny
   and Lisa's darling in a green dress, but the story for the most part
   sucked. It was just one big love letter to alcohol, and I, for one, am not
   for overuse of alcohol (for health reasons.)  I also was disappointed in
   Swartzwelder for the various spots of characters out of character,
   especially Marge, and I really don't think the Homer I once knew would be
   stupid enough to break so many laws for alcohol.  And what's with these
   morbid endings?  First Sherri Bobbins killed in 3G03, and now Rex Banner
   killed.  I can't laugh at stories that end on such sick, black ways.
   Adding to the list of 19 worst ever episodes with a C- grade.  (C-)

Werner Peeters:  The beginning was rather dull - the same joke about the Irish
   being drunk and violent repeated five times or so.  On the other hand,
   there were a few nice features in this episode, like Marge falling out of
   her classical moralizing model, the exploding bath tubs and Moe's Pet Shop.
   The star of this episode was Homer though.  ("I said 42!")  The end scene
   with the catapult was a bit over the top, but overall I'd say this episode
   deserves a B-.  (B-)

Mark Aaron Richey:  Usually, when OFF lampoons the alcohol industry, the
   results are classic (remember [9F14] "Duffless" and [9F11] "Selma's
   Choice"?).  However, this episode, despite several funny moments, just
   didn't do it for me. Dave Thomas was rather bland as Rex, and Homer's
   bootlegging scheme was pretty silly.  At least the episode, with the St.
   Patrick's Day opening, was timely (and it's nice to see OFF acknowledge
   1/8th of my heritage). Special kudos to Alf Clausen, whose jazzy score was
   his best composing of the season.  (C)

Matt Salomone:  Though none of the gags in this episode left me ROTFL and
   quoting them over and over until they lost their meaning, there was enough
   of a steady stream of less-funny jokes to make this a Simpsons episode.
   Homer was in classic form, especially when trying to cover up his exploding
   stills in the basement.  As for Fat Tony, has he ever not been funny?  (B+)

Donnie Saphire-Bernstein:  I didn't laugh during this episode as much as I
   felt I should.  Individually there were lots of great gags, but somehow
   they didn't all gel together.  Moe's Pet Shop, Wiggum as mugger, Homer
   pretending he's making those exploding noises- all were funny, and yet this
   episode didn't quite possess the degree of lunacy I had hoped it would.
   Also, what's the deal with Dr. Hibbert's wife being an alcoholic?  That
   came out of nowhere.  Marge, for a refreshing change, wasn't a reactionary
   meanie.  The episode wasn't as funny as it could have been, but it was
   funny.  (B)

Liam J. Scanlan:  Great!  Keep em' coming.  They are getting great all the
   time. However the storyline felt as if it either had too much detail in one
   part or too little in another and the exploding beer tanks seemed
   farfetched.  (A)

Marge Starbrod-Simpson:  Ugh!  Three bad one's in a row (counting last week's
   repeat)! Jokes were few, and the plot sucked!  That unnecessary narration
   made it worse (no narrators in the future, please, unless it's a flashback
   or a TOH segment).  Not on my worst ever list, but not one of my favorites.
   (D-)

Yours Truly:  Not a standout in the humor department, good storytelling saves
   this episode, which shows how plot structure is supposed to work.  Marge
   seems like her old self, too, after some uneven treatment in other episodes
   this season.  This episode's more interesting than funny, and that's worth
   about a "B".  (B)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B (3.09)   Std Dev.: 0.9398   (20 reviews computed)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Don't invite these two to the same party

Mark Aaron Richey:  The exploding pub -- A reference to the strained relation
   between England and Ireland, mainly over Northern Ireland, a small stretch
   of land that is a British province, but many radical (and not-so-radical)
   Irish groups want back.  A bloody civil war has been waging over there for
   years.


Simon Coyle adds:  Did anyone else get the bit in this episode where, on St
   Patrick's Day, everyone cheered when store with a Union Jack on its sign
   blew up?

   I'm from Northern Ireland, and at first this disturbed me a bit -- that the
   creators of The Simpsons would poke fun at such a serious and sensitive
   subject.  But then I thought about it, and I realised that it was actually
   taking the piss out of Americans -- the Americans who support Sinn Fein and
   Gerry Adams and not really knowing what they're doing.  Just thought I'd
   mention that...


>> And don't invite these three to the same parade

Mark Aaron Richey:  "...except gays and Italians" -- cramped in close
   quarters, Irish and Italian immigrants to Northeast cities did not get
   along.  Gay groups have been denied the right to march in St. Patrick
   parades in New York Boston.


>> Boston: A wicked cool place to be

Jake Schultz:  How many of you folks are from Massachusetts?  In the
   Prohibition episode, at the beginning when people are swarming in Kent
   Brockman's booth, the people say:

   "Hey, has anyone seen Sully?"

   "This is some wicked pah-ty."

   Plus, one guy is wearing a Red Sox shirt.

   Wicked is a slang term that only people in Eastern Massachusetts use.
   [Several people responded, saying that "wicked" had gone national some time
   ago -- Ed.]  It's a modifier, like radical and very (for more correct
   English) e.g. radically awesome, very fun, wicked party.

   Sully is a reference to over half the population of Boston having the last
   name if Sullivan, as a consequence, everyone has a friend named Sully whom
   they go drinking with.

   The Red Sox do not need to be explained.


An AOLer named "Daved777" adds:  I guess its going to have to take a lifelong
   Bostonian to settle the usage of the word wicked.  "Wicked" is indeed
   synonymous with  "very" around these parts, especially among working-class
   types.  For example, "We watched a wicked pissah B's game then went to the
   packy" would mean "We watched a very good Bruins game then went to the
   liquor store."  Maybe wicked is used the same way elsewhere, but every time
   I've used it around people not from Boston they look at me funny.

   As for other references to Boston in the episode, in the beginning, Kent
   Brockman says something along the lines of "St. Patrick's Day, a day when
   everyone can be Irish, except the gays and the Italians."  That's in
   reference to the South Boston parade, the specific parade the episode is
   spoofing.  A couple years ago, an Irish  gay group tried to march in the
   parade, and Southie is a very conservative, Irish Catholic neighborhood.  A
   court order allowed the gay group to march, and it turned into a very ugly
   scene that almost broke out in violence.  Ultimately, the matter went all
   the way to the US Supreme Court, which ruled that parade organizers can
   keep the gay group out.


>> Prohibition and the Eighteenth Amendment:  Historical Background

Dale Abersold:  Prohibition came about because of a number of groups
   (evangelical Protestants, do-gooders, racists) thought that the working
   classes would be much better off without alcohol.  It was World War I that
   galvanized the teetotalers, since many perceived the use of grain for
   alcohol as an extravagance during wartime.  Thus, many individual states
   and counties became dry during this period.  Still, leaders in the
   prohibition movement wanted a national law banning  alcohol.  The
   constitution did not allow for such a sweeping ban, however, so it would be
   necessary to amend it.

   The Eighteenth Amendment allowed for laws banning the importation,
   manufacture, sale and transportation (though not the consumption) of
   alcohol.  The Republican-controlled congress passed the amendment in
   December 1917, and it was ratified in January 1919.  Congress then passed
   the Volstead act which enforced this ban, in October 1919 (over President
   Wilson's veto).  America  went dry when the law went into effect on January
   1, 1920.

   The law was nearly unenforceable, however, and millions of Americans chose
   freely to break it.  There was widespread bootlegging and smuggling of
   booze, all leading to the rise in prominence of organized crime (a major
   supplier of illicit hooch).  Surprisingly, it was many years before the
   laws were finally  changed:  not until a new Democratic president (Franklin
   D. Roosevelt) and an overwhelmingly Democratic congress were put into
   office.  The Twenty-First Amendment, which repealed the Eighteenth was
   passed by Congress in February  1933, and ratified in December that same
   year.  Prohibition was truly one of the stupidest blunders in American
   Constitutional history.


Patrick Moore comments on one of the pro-Prohibition campaigning tactics:
   When Prohibition was considered in America, "What about the children" was
   actually used by temperance unions to influence their legislators to vote
   for the 18th amendment.  Ironically, the same argument was used to REPEAL
   prohibition; another incentive was the idea to impose federal taxes on all
   alcoholic beverages.


>> He's not the guy from the Wendy's commercials, eh?

According to Dale Abersold, he isn't:  Dave Thomas is a talented comic actor
   and writer from Canada.  Like so many other famous comics from the Great
   White North, he first became well-known on "SCTV."  With Rick Moranis, he
   made the fondly-remembered film "Strange Brew", which featured the two as
   the beer-addicted Bob and Doug Mackenzie.  Recently, his career has picked
   up with roles on the ABC sitcom "Grace Under Fire" and the Canadian "Red
   Green Show."


>> Edgar Poe, Henry Duff; what's the difference?

Benjamin Robinson:  The "mysterious stranger's" vigil to the closed Duff plant
   recalls a real-life ritual that takes place on the birthday of author Edgar
   Allen Poe.  Each year, an unidentified man, dressed in black, arrives at
   Poe's grave and pays tribute by leaving behind some roses.  We know the man
   copying this ceremony at the Duff plant is our own Barney Gumble, unlike
   the Poe fan, whose identity has never been discovered.


tomr@fred.net adds:  The caretaker of the cemetery has seen the mysterious
   stranger, but respects the mystery and tradition and has not interceded
   (and has asked others to also respect the tradition -- though the stranger
   is wise enough to avoid any interaction.)

   A cryptic note left a few years ago indicated that the tradition has been
   passed down to a new 'stranger', and that the original has joined Poe in
   The Great Beyond.


Don Del Grande has a different interpretation of this:  The "visitor in black"
   leaving a rose at the Duff plant is a reference to the "lady in black" who
   left a rose at the grave of Rudolph Valentino on the anniversary of his
   death (well, it started out as a publicity stunt, but sometimes more than
   one woman showed up, and supposedly it still happens, albeit not every
   year)


>> Yet More Irish references!

Haynes Lee enumerates other references this episode makes to the Emerald Isle:

   Everyone wearing green except for Bart and the designated drivers.  Even
   Marge's hair is green and Mrs. Huxtable is wearing a green dress.  Moe
   serves green beer.

   Milhouse says "It the wearin' of the Green, Bart"  "The Wearin' of the
   Green" is an Irish ballad about how wearing the color green was a jailable
   offense during the 18th century as an illegal sign of Irish nationalism and
   rebellion against the British.  {kab}

   Parade music includes "Danny Boy".  {kab}

   Parade floats: 2000 Years of Irish Cops, Pot "O" Gold, St. Patrick, The
   Drunken Irish Novelists of Springfield

   Bart saying "Move over Seamus".  Seamus is an Irish name.

   British pub "John Bull's Fish & Chips" blown up.

   Kent O'Brockman talks about drunkenness, fighting and damage to property as
   qualities he questions whether we should associate with the Irish.  {kab}

   Moe's has a "Help Wanted: No Irish Need Apply" sign up over the door.  NINA
   signs were once common, especially in Boston and other large East coast
   cities.  Many Irish pubs have them now as reminders of a different not
   altogether happy era.  {kab}

   another sign in Moe's bar "Erin Go Bragh" which is Gaelic for "Ireland
   Forever".  Also a Gaelic folk song.

   another sign in Moe's bar "Kiss me, I'm Irish" (well, d'uh!).

   Krusty uses the word "Boyo's" which is a peculiar Irish idiom for "guys" or
   "friend's".  {kab}

   Contributors: Kevin Arthur O'Bowman  {kab}


>> It's like something that might happen on a TV show

Writing in another newsgroup, Larry Lippman relates a story that seems
   appropriate for this episode:  As one who is an unabashed admirer of cats,
   telling this story is somewhat painful.  This is a true story which
   happened during the late 1970's.  My wife has firsthand knowledge of the
   circumstances since, at the time, she was a police officer in whose
   jurisdiction the incident occurred.

   There is a small rural town, somewhat northeast to the city of Niagara
   Falls, NY.  One evening, a resident of the town called the local volunteer
   fire department to request assistance in removing their cat from a tree.
   Since this was a "questionable" call, the fire control dispatcher called
   the fire chief at home to ask if he wanted to respond. The chief said sure,
   call out the department, since it was early evening and it shouldn't be a
   problem for the volunteers to respond.

   The fire department responded with a rescue truck which had an extension
   ladder.  The tree, however, was too tall and willowy to support the weight
   of the extension ladder.  Rather than send men back to the fire hall to
   bring the aerial ladder truck, one of the firefighters suggested an
   alternate course of action.  Two of the firefighters supported the ladder
   while a third climbed high enough to tie a rope around the tree at about
   half its height.

   The other end of the rope was tied to a trailer hitch on a pickup truck,
   with the truck slowly driven forward, forcing the tree to bend over. One
   firefighter was poised to grab the cat as soon as it was within his reach.

   The knot securing the rope to the trailer hitch slipped free.

   The cat was last seen airborne heading south toward the city of Niagara
   Falls, and was never seen again.

   This incident adds a rather new definition to the word "catapult".

   Needless to say, the particular fire department did not receive praise from
   the local ASPCA when the story made its rounds.  Please note that this
   story is not meant to put down volunteer fire departments, who perform a
   dedicated and essential community function.


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Homer vs. Prohibition


Don Del Grande:  The scene of the cat being shot with the catapult reminds me
   of [Animation Director]  David Silverman's show, where he includes a scene
   cut from "The Front" where a "real" cat has a lit stick of dynamite stuck
   in its mouth while Itchy & Scratchy writers watch; the censors objected to
   "showing violence happening to a 'real' cat" ... but I guess watching a cat
   being flung into the distance is OK?


Joe Klemm:  It is known throughout the USA that some cities won't allow gays
   in their St. Pat's Day Parades.  Thus the bashing by Kent Brockman.


Haynes Lee:  DUCK WITHOUT PANTS -- Disney's Donald Duck, Daisy, Huey, Duey,
   and Luey are the only ones drawn without pants.  The reason is the feathers
   cover their genitalia (Cheer's Clifford Claven is never wrong!)


Theodore Miller:  Here's sort of a past reference or an irony or something:
   In past episodes, we've seen Moe engaged in illegal smuggling of animals
   e.g. a whale in the back of the bar in the X-Files episode.  And in this
   episode, what does Moe use as the cover for his speakeasy?  A pet shop.  So
   Moe's gone from a legal booze business as a cover for an illegal animal
   business, to a legal animal business as a cover for an illegal booze
   business.


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {ol}
==============================================================================
% Bart and Lisa head into Springfield Elementary.  Bart thinks Lisa
% looks stupid wearing a green dress.  Lisa remarks, "That's funny, I
% don't feel stupid."  Once inside school, Bart finds everyone is
% wearing green except him.  The kids start pinching him, chanting,
% "Pinch, pinch, pinch!" "No one's pinching his legs!" eggs on Lisa.
%
% A few green-clad barflies stand outside of Moe's.  Homer complains
% that it's St. Patrick's Day and he's not drunk yet.  Moe finally
% arrives (with a bottle of poisonous green dye) and the guys ask to be
% let in to get drunk.

Moe:      Listen up, this is the busiest drinking day of the year.
          Where are the designated drivers?
          [two men raise their hands]
          Beat it!  I got no room for cheap skates.
-- Moe, celebrating St. Patrick's Day, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth
   Amendment"

% Springfield's channel 6 televises the city's festivities.

Top of the morning to ye on this gray, grizzly afternoon.  Kent
O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit
Irish, except, of course, for the gays and the Italians.
-- Kent Brockman, celebrating St. Patrick's Day, "Homer vs. the
   Eighteenth Amendment"

% At the St. Patrick's Day parade, Irish police officers march
% alongside a float celebrating "2000 Years of Irish Cops."  The Irish
% policemen march while twirling their billysticks, which brush up
% against the crowd of watchers as the men say, "Move along now.
% Nothing to see here.  Show's over, folks."

Parades just bring out so many emotions in me!  Joy, excitement,
looking...
-- Marge, letting herself go at a St. Patrick's Day parade, "Homer vs.
   the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Bart asks Marge if he can buy a novelty long horn, but Marge reminds
% him that every time they buy one, he just throws it out the car window
% on the ride home.  Bart "promises" it won't happen this time and
% scampers off.
%
% As more Irish floats move by, Bart goes through the crowd with his
% novelty horn being a pest.  Some guys climb into Kent Brockman's
% announcer booth and begin to behave noticeably drunk, asking slurred
% questions and getting into fist fights.

Ladies and gentlemen, what you are seeing is a total disregard for the
things St. Patrick's Day stand for.  All this drinking, violence,
destruction of property.  Are these the things we think of when we
think of the Irish?
-- Kent Brockman, surveying drunks fighting in his announcer booth,
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Just then, a float designed with a huge book entitled "The Drunken
% Irish Novelists of Springfield" goes by.  The marshals of the float
% hop off their float and get into a fight with the crowd of drunks.
%
% The building "John Bull's Fish & Chips" explodes and everyone cheers.
% The entire crowd is fighting while intoxicated.  Bart tries to move
% his way through the crowd when a Duff barrel float moves by.  An Irish
% woman is spraying fountains of beer across the crowd.  Everyone opens
% their mouths to get even more drunk, but the beer winds up aimed at
% Bart's novelty horn. Bart drinks the gallons of liquor and becomes
% totally smashed.  ("*Burp!*")
%
% "Everybody get naked!" shouts Apu through a megaphone.  Kirk
% responds, "Why not?  This party's just getting started!" and tears
% open his shirt.  An elderly woman interrupts and calls everyone's
% attention to the fact that a 10-year-old boy is drunk.  Bart is
% staggering around the empty street.  The adults stare in shock, while
% Bart's younger peers cheer him on.
%
% At Moe's, more people are getting fixes of beer.  Wearing a beer
% barrel over his head, Homer jests, "Look at me!  I'm the Prime
% Minister of Ireland!" Everyone laughs.  Moe sees Bart wobbling around
% on TV and calls Homer's attention.  Homer turns the barrel so his eye
% can see through the peephole.
%
% "Drunken Boy--Live" appears on the screen as a sloshed Bart looks
% into the camera, remarking "What are YOU looking at?"  Marge pulls
% Bart away from the camera, distraught.

Brockman: "What are _you_ looking at?"--the innocent words of a drunken
          child.  Well, I'll _tell_ you what we're looking at, young
          man.  A town gone mad.  A town whose very conscious was
          washed away in a tide of beer and green vomit.
-- Commentary on the anarchy abounds at the St. Patrick's Day parade,
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% At home...
%
% Bart gets up, announcing he's heading to Moe's for some beer.  Homer
% approvingly follows his lead.  Marge stops them both.

Marge:    No!  No more drinking!  I'm tired of looking like the world's
          worst mother.
Homer:    Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about
          that freezer lady in Georgia?
-- You look pretty good next to her, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth
   Amendment"

% Kent's commentary ends on the suggestion of prohibition being the
% only solution to the anarchy.  Homer turns off the TV, scoffing that
% that will be the last he will hear of prohibition.
%
% Of course, it isn't.  At City Hall, women are demanding prohibition.

Quimby:        You can't seriously want to ban alcohol.  It tastes
               great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a
               person virtually invulnerable to criticism.
Helen Lovejoy: Ohh!! [sobs] Won't somebody _please_ think of the
               children??
-- Give it a rest, Helen, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Chief Wiggum counters with more flimsy reasons to leave alcohol
% unbanned.  But then, an elderly man discovers that Springfield has had
% a ban on alcohol for two hundred years--with no one enforcing it.  On
% another note, ducks are required to wear long pants in Springfield.
% Conclusively, the breaking of the prohibition law will result in a
% catapulting.
%
% The Springfield Shopper headlines "Alcohol Prohibited In
% Springfield." Pull out to find the newspaper in the hand of an
% unconscious Homer.  Moe and Barney too have fainted as a result of
% reading the headline.  Even Dr. Hibbert's wife has fainted over the
% news.
%
% [End of Act One.  Time: 5:22]
%
% The press witnesses barrels of Duff Beer being dumped into a ditch.
% The onlooking crowd cheers.  The owner of Duff believes people will
% still drink Duff's non-alcoholic beer just for its taste, not the
% alcohol.  So, introducing Duff Zero.  But only thirty minutes after
% Zero's debut, Duff goes out of business.
%
% Homer takes a brisk walk down the street to Moe's ... Pet Store, the
% front for Moe's now-underground tavern.

Narrator: Dateline:  Springfield.  With prohibition back in force,
          sobriety's peaceful slogan was shattered by its noisy
          neighbor, the Speakeasy.
-- "The Untouchables" meets "The Simpsons," "Homer vs. the Eighteenth
   Amendment"

% Moe's beer supply is coming from Fat Tony's mob, which is just
% slipping by slack-off cops Lou and Eddie -- using the almighty dollar.
% "I don't know why people are always badmouthing the Mafia," comments
% Eddie, counting his bribe money.
%
% Moe's "Pet Store" is getting hot, with swinging, sleazy jazz music
% going on and guys and gals dancing like there's no tomorrow.  The
% party is interrupted when the women who moved for prohibition step in.
% Chief Wiggum tries to divert them with "the ol' Wiggum charm."  He
% walks slyly over to Helen, who becomes frightened and screams
% "Pervert!!"
%
% When Quimby is met with demands to bring in a prohibition enforcer,
% he scoffs at the women.

Quimby:        Demand?  Who are you to demand anything?  I run this
               town.  You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies!
Assistant:     [sotto voce] Uh, election in November.  Election in
               November...
Quimby:        What??  Again??  This stupid country.
-- Just a little reminder of who put you in that nice comfy chair,
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% The powers that be decide it's time to call in the big guns.

Narrator: With rum-running hoodlums in the catbird seat, Springfield
          sent for the one man who could clean up the town and shoot
          the gangsters:  Rex Banner.
-- Or is that shoot up the town and clean the gangsters?,  "Homer vs.
   The Eighteenth Amendment"

% Out of the U.S. Treasury Department walks a tough-as-nails, no
% nonsense man dressed in a 1920s era fed suit.  Rex reads a telegram
% from Mayor Quimby reading "Springfield Needs You!"  Another telegram
% from his mother reads "Rexy, Daisy Had Puppies!"
%
% The lazy cops are the first to be put to work.  Chief Wiggum is fired
% and Rex whips Lou, Eddie and some black cop into shape.  Rex looks
% over at his "suspended, indefinitely" predecessor.

Banner:   Well, what are you waiting for?  Somebody to kiss you
          goodbye?
Wiggum:   Well... no, no, no... I guess not.
-- Can I at least have my invisible typewriter?
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% "Wasting no time, Rex Banner tore into the bootleggers like a chippy
% tearing into a lobster," narrates the narrator.  Rex seems more
% dedicated to the prohibition law than the traffic ones, as he's built
% a large wall in the middle of the freeway to prevent the bootlegging
% mob from getting through. But a truck crashes into the wall, causing
% the cars behind it to crash into each other.
%
% Rex supervises the cops, shooting holes into beer barrels.  Fat Tony
% is taking one last crack at bribing Rex.

Fat Tony: How do you know you don't like bribes if you've never taken
          one?  Here.
          [puts some cash into Rex's hand]
Banner:   [feeling the cash] Hey...this is nice!  [returning to
          reality]  No!  No bribes!
Fat Tony: Okay.  You win.  From now on, we'll stick to smuggling
          heroine.
Banner:   See that you do!
-- Thinner, tougher, but as dumb as Chief Wiggum,
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Homer feels the effects of Prohibition

At first, I thought prohibition was a good thing.  People were drinking
more and having a lot more fun.  Without beer, prohibition doesn't
work!
-- Homer, missing the point in the word ``prohibition,''
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Chief Wiggum happens by the Simpsons' kitchen window and pathetically
% asks Homer and Marge if he can arrest them for anything.  He breaks
% down, admitting that with crime and alcohol gone because of Rex, he
% has nothing to  do.  Homer refuses to give up beer, and Wiggum wonders
% if Homer has a plan. "Maybe I do, Chief.  Maybe I do."
%
% "Come on, boy!  Think of a plan!"  "I'm trying, Dad!" says Bart as he
% stands on his head watching the TV.

Brockman: Kent Brockman, at the now-closed Duff bottling plant, where a
          mysterious person in black keeps a solitary vigil.
          [Barney, the mysterious person, lays a flower down beside the
          plant and belches]
-- "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Homer now has a plan.

Homer:    We're going out, Marge!  If we don't come back, avenge our
          deaths!  [sets off, carrying Bart by the leg]
Marge:    [from inside the kitchen] All right!
-- Concerned parent, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% At the Springfield Dump, Homer and Bart dig up the barrels of Duff.
% Homer swears Bart to secrecy, then they load the barrels in a
% traveling compartment and drive off.  Bart and Homer are immediately
% caught by Rex, so they take a detour into a cemetery, knocking over
% gravestones.

Bart:     Dad!  Knocking over gravestones is bad luck!
Homer:    Really?  I heard good.
-- "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% They successfully throw off the police and drive home to Marge.
% Homer's wrecked the car (again).

Marge:    What happened to you Homer?  And what have you done to the
          car?
Homer:    Nothing.
Marge:    I don't think it had broken axles before.
Homer:    Before, before!  You're living in the past, Marge!  Quit
          living in the past!
-- Repair money out of your pocket is the future, however,
   "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Marge carries a laundry basket up to the laundry room.  But the door
% has a few multi-lingual signs for "Do Not Enter."  Bart and Homer walk
% out carrying six bowling balls.

Gone bowling.  Not back, avenge death.
-- Homer to Marge, short and sweet, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth
   Amendment"

% "Why do you have so many bowling balls?" inquires Marge.  Homer
% responds, "Ah, I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge.  So long," and drives
% off.  Marge growls.
%
% At the Bowlarama, Homer bowls another of the many gutter balls he's
% been throwing.

Bart:     [sneakishly insincere] Another gutter ball.  Gee, Homer, you
          sure do suck tonight!
Homer:    Yeah.  Suck like a fox!  [laughs with Bart]
          [exchanges high fours]
-- "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% On to another gutter ball.  He's been bowling gutter balls because
% the balls (with corks in them) have been rolling down into an
% elaborate pipe trail leading to Moe's tavern.  Inside the balls is
% beer.
%
% Moe serves Barney a $45 beer.  Barney is outraged over the price,
% saying it better be the best tasting beer in the world.  Barney drinks
% it, says "You got lucky," and pays up.  Moe stuffs the money into the
% ball and gives it back to Homer.
%
% Lou, Eddie and Rex are at an ice cream parlor, but Rex hasn't touched
% his "Banana Ka-Boom."  Rex isn't having a happy birthday because on
% the headlines of the Springfield Shopper is "Beer Baron Beats Banner."
% A sloshed Barney staggers past the window of the parlor and starts
% slurring some gibberish at the cops.  Rex punches through the glass of
% the window and grabs Barney by the shirt.

Banner:   Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple.  Where'd
          you pinch the hooch?  Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the
          side?
Barney:   [confused] Yes...?
-- "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Another night of bootlegging is underway, but Marge and Lisa catch
% Homer and Bart in the act.  Homer shrieks and drops the wheelbarrow of
% beer bowling balls, which all spill onto the carpet.  Marge learns the
% truth, and Homer explains his elaborate plan.  Surprisingly, Marge
% compliments Homer on having such a clever idea.  Lisa is shocked.
% Marge doesn't care, since he's just breaking a "silly two hundred year
% old law."  Homer sweet-talks Marge by showing her the money he's made
% from the bootlegging.  Lisa voices her objections, and everyone yells
% at her to go to her room.
%
% Another night of swinging jazz music and sleazy dancing at Moe's.
% Again interrupted.  This time by Rex and his army of police men.  Moe
% slides open the peep slide of his door to see a raid.  He reaches for
% a lever, pulls it and starts stalling with Rex as the bar slowly
% changes into a pet shop facade.  Moe signals everyone to put their
% beer glasses behind their backs.

Banner:   Pet shop, eh?  Well, I just have one question.  What kind of
          pet shop is filled with rambunctious yahoos and hot jazz
          music at 1 am?
Moe:      Um... doh... Duh best damn pet shop in town!
          [everyone shouts "Yeah!" and toasts their glasses behind
          Rex's back]
-- "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Rex leaves with parting advice about baby turtles and baby
% alligators.  Moe changes the facade, but Barney is all torn up and
% covered with black goo.  "Ow," he says, "those gears down there really
% hurt!"
%
% Rex overlooks the town of Springfield, musing.

Banner:   You're out there somewhere, beer baron!  And I'll find you.
Homer:    [distant, barely audible] No you won't!
Banner:   Yes, I will!
Homer:    Won't!
-- "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% [End of Act Two.  Time:     14:40]
%
% "Dateline:  Springfield.  The elusive beer baron continues to thumb
% his nose at the authorities.  Swaggering about in a garish new hat, he
% seemed to say, 'Look at me, Rex Banner!  I have a new hat!'" narrates
% the Narrator.
%
% Homer, who likes to be called Beer Baron now, supervises Bart.  But
% there's no more beer for Moe, so they're out of business.  Moe pops in
% and reports that the customers are sobering up.  He needs more beer.
% Homer tries to offer some alternatives, like turpentine or caulk.
% "Find it, buy it, make it, I don't care!  Just get me some booze, and
% fast."  So, now Homer's gonna make it.
%
% At the Houseware Warehouse, Homer asks to buy forty two bathtubs.
% The clerk tries to offer him a deal of fifty for $3000.  Indignantly,
% Homer says, "I said forty two!"
%
% Things have gotten out of hand now.  There are bathtubs in the cellar
% full of different kinds of booze.  Marge and Lisa find Homer and Bart
% stirring booze and Lisa tells Homer that he's doing something even
% more illegal than what he was doing before.  Homer tries to justify
% that he's just breaking an unjust law.
%
% A bowling ball of smuggled booze arrives at Moe's, just in time to
% save Moe from impatient men staring at Moe expectantly.  Moe calls
% out, "Who wants a bathtub Mint Julep?"  Some pioneer-dressed men raise
% their hands.
%
% Rex, Lou and Eddie stand on the sidewalk when Ned Flanders is
% approached by Rex.

Banner:   Are you the beer baron??
Ned:      Well, if you're talking about root beer, I plead guilt-
          diddily-ildly as char-didily-arged!
Banner:   He's not the baron, but he sounds drunk.  Take him in.
          [Lou and Eddie arrest Ned]
-- A bit too sunny for his own good, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth
   Amendment"

% The Comic Book Guy walks by, and Banner begins to interrogate him.

Banner:        Are you the beer baron?
Comic Book Guy:Yes, but only by night.  By day, I'm a mild-mannered
               reporter for a major Metropolitan newspaper.
Banner:        Don't crack wise with me, tubby!
Comic Book Guy:Tubby?  Oh yes, tubby.
-- Sarcasm doesn't fly with Rex Banner, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth
   Amendment"

% Rex is too busy harassing Comic Book Guy to notice Homer and Bart
% nonchalantly strolling by with booze ingredients in a wagon.
%
% Back in the laundry room, Homer and Bart are distilling more booze
% when a still explodes.

Marge:    What on Earth happened down there??
Bart:     One of the stills b...
          [Homer puts his hand over Bart's mouth]
Homer:    Nothing, Marge.  I think it must have been that bean I had
          for dinner.
-- Enough internal gas to start a forest fire, "Homer vs. the
   Eighteenth Amendment"

% Explosion noises emanate from out of the Simpsons' house.  Homer
% keeps pretending that he's making the noises, but Marge isn't buying.
% Marge tells him that he's had his fun and made his money, so he should
% just quit while he's ahead.  Homer goes off to check on his exploding
% liquor.  A massive explosion takes place and Homer starts screaming.
% Marge goes outside to see Homer on fire.  Homer rolls around on the
% front lawn to put himself out.

I've thought about what you've said, honey, and I've decided to quit.
-- Homer, ending the "beer baron" charade after it literally blows up
   in his face, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Homer walks down the street fondling his money when Chief Wiggum
% steps out in front of him in a torn up police suit and pyjama pants
% threatening with a trigger-less gun.  He sold the trigger and most of
% the handle to feed his family.  He threatens to throw the gun at Homer
% if he doesn't give in, but Homer is more sympathetic than scared.
% Homer decides to come up with a plan to get Wiggum his job back and
% make him look better than Rex Banner.
%
% Rex gives a press conference in which he reports that the flow of
% illegal liquor has ended.  He also believes the Beer Baron was a media
% fabrication.

The idea that someone like that could operate under my very nose is
_laughable_. [starts a sickly laughter that sounds like a spasm] Well,
you all know what laughter sounds like, don't you??
-- Rex Banner, after winning the war against alcohol and the Beer
   Baron, "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"

% Kent breaks through with alarming news:  Ex-Chief Wiggum caught the
% beer baron on Evergreen Terrace.
%
% With no worries at all, Homer stands next to Chief Wiggum as the
% press eats up Wiggum's exposure of Homer's elaborate scheme inside the
% laundry room. Marge compliments Homer on what he did for Wiggum, "But
% what's going to happen to you?"  "Oh, probably just a slap on the
% wrists."
%
% Cut to a tied up Homer, who has been loaded into a catapult.  The old
% man who discovered the prohibition law reads the official punishment:
% "...And he who shall violate this law shall be punished by catapult."
% Homer glares at Wiggum.  "Last time I help you!"  Wiggum thought he'd
% just get a fine or at the most three to four years of jail.
%
% Since the catapult is two centuries old, Rex Banner wants it to be
% tested.  A cat is put into the catapult and launched yards into the
% air.  Marge intervenes.  Marge explains that the law is dumb and it
% restricts Springfieldians' freedom, the freedom to drink.  Rex argues
% that we can't choose what laws we obey, but his (quite valid) argument
% is halted when Wiggum orders Eddie to "send him back to Mama."  Rex
% accidentally stepped into the catapult, and Eddie pulls the lever,
% causing him to be catapulted.
%
% This entire mess was pointless, because as it turns out, the rest of
% the parchment decrees that the law was repealed one hundred and ninety
% nine years ago.  Quimby gives a released Homer an apology and asks him
% when he will be able to flood the town with booze.  "I'm not in that
% business anymore," replies Homer.  But Fat Tony tells Quimby, "Four
% minutes."
%
% So, five minutes later, everyone's drunk as a skunk.

Narrator: And so, one town's brief flirtation with prohibition ended in
          a joyous remarriage to Lady Liquor.  Congratulations,
          Springfield!  We wish you the very best!
-- "Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment"

% Homer, standing on a hill of beer kegs, calls a toast.  "To alcohol!
% The cause of and solution to all of life's problems."
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time:   21:18]

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad}  Anthony Dean
{an}  Anonymous Contributor
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{cs}  Craig Schmidt
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dga} Dale G. Abersold
{dh}  Dominik Halas
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{il}  Ido Lewit
{jh}  Jason Hancock
{jv}  Javier Vera
{jw}  Jenny Wohlford
{kab} Kevin Arthur Bowman
{ljs} Liam J. Scanlan
{ll}  Lawrence Lam
{lo}  Larry Ouderkirk
{ma}  Matthew Anscher
{mar} Mark Richey
{ms}  Matt Salomone
{mss} Marge Starbrod Simpson
{ol}  Ondre Lombard

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
transcript itself is Copyright 1998 Ondre Lombard, with some post-production
work by Benjamin Robinson.  This capsule made possible with a grant from the
Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.

Many well-deserved cheers and thanks to Dave Hall and Frederic Briere, who
provided me with alt.tv.simpsons archives when needed.  This capsule wouldn't
be nearly as complete without their invaluable help.