[3F08] Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming

Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming                         Written by Spike Ferensten
                                                    Directed by Dominic Polcino
Production code: 3F08                       Original airdate in N.A.: 26-Nov-95
                                                  Capsule revision C, 22-Feb-97

Title sequence

Blackboard :- Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living
              Wedgies are unhealthy/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- Everybody is a sea monkey and swims to a couch made of
              clams to look at a treasure chest instead of a TV.  {ddg}

Did you notice...

    ... the icons of TV are Krusty, Chesperito, Dr. Who, and Steven Q.

Joe Manfre:
    ... the Harriers hover in front of the video screen as Sideshow Bob
    ... Mayor Quimby and Chief Wiggum are both important enough to
        participate in the underground conference?
    ... the air show features "Rock You Like a Hurricane", as Bob

Aaron Varhola:
    ... the date "November 25" appears in the episode -- making it the
        Saturday before the episode aired?
    ... the bomb shelter has moles breaking into the rations?

Don Del Grande:
    ... in the couch opening, "Maggie" has a mermaid tail rather than
        legs like the others?
    ... in the couch opening, the painting behind the couch is of a fish
        rather than a sailboat?
    ... all the cans stacked behind Krusty look alike?
    ... Sideshow Bob's prison number is A-113, which used to be a
        trademark of Brad Bird-directed episodes?
    ... Homer forgets that Sideshow Bob had tried to kill Bart and
        Selma, unlike in 2F02?
    ... Bob doesn't step on his rake when he's doing his work at the Air
        Force Base?
    ... the guard at the air show is wearing medals rather than just the
    ... only one guard is watching over the nuclear weapons?
    ... Bob's voice does indeed rise in pitch when he first mentions the
        bomb, but then returns to normal?
    ... there's a rather dated air raid shelter underground, but above
        the modernized shelter, that includes Civil Defense "emergency
    ... the "representatives of television" are Kent Brockman, Krusty,
        Chesperito, Tom Baker (from "Doctor Who", in costume), and
        someone who resembles an adult Steve Urkel?
    ... Maggie is smiling when the others say "Here we go again!" at the
    ... Marge says "Here we go again!" slightly after the others?

Haynes Lee:
    ... the jet that Sideshow Bob is cleaning has an 8-track deck in the
    ... the Colonel's bathroom has all camouflage green fixtures
        including toilet paper?
    ... Lisa looks like Statue of Liberty under the deflated blimp?

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... the air show ad has a similarity to a monster truck rally ad?
    ... the pornographic magazines were "Granny Fanny", "Cheek Week",
        and "American Breast Enthusiast"?
    ... the second "O" in Ocho is an eight-ball?

Benjamin Robinson:
    ... normally peace-loving Lisa admires the fact that the stealth
        bomber pilot destroyed mosques during Desert Storm?
    ... when Sideshow Bob laughed his Evil Laugh (tm), the lighting did
        not, repeat not, change?  (Usually, Bob's countenance is lit
        from below when he laughs like that.)
    ... after he drops the scorpion, Krusty quickly hops out of the way
        to avoid being stung?
    ... the spider webs on all the EBS equipment?

Elson Trinidad:
    ... Sideshow Bob's penchant for things British (HMS Pinafore, now
        Westminster Abbey)?

Dominik Halas:
    ... Rupert Murdoch is in jail?
    ... the gate at Springwood Minimum Security Prison is open?
    ... the toilet paper in the Colonel's washroom is hung in the proper
        underhand fashion?
    ... some of the kids holding the kite strings are Superfriends?
    ... a slick-looking Professor Frink in the underground conference
    ... the UFO under wraps in Hangar 18?
    ... the FOX fanfare is played three times during the episode?

Tony Hill:
    ... OFF contributed to the canned food drive?
    ... the prison TV has an old-fashioned bowtie antenna?
    ... the Shopper prints color ads?
    ... how DJQ resembles Nick Riviera with the shadow on his face?
    ... Springfield has the channels 3, 6, 8, and 11 (at least)?
    ... the EBS camera was focused on a placard (a tape would be
    ... Bart's pack contains flammables?

Doug Yovanovich:
    ... Homer got Marge Laramie brand cigarettes?
    ... the underground meeting place is lit with black lights?
    ... the mexican nurse on Channel Ocho is holding a giant syringe?
    ... Homer's car is the same make and model as the police cruisers?

Liam J. Scanlan:
    ... this is the only Sideshow Bob episode that isn't shown near the
        start or end of the season?

Yuval Kfir:
    ... Bart's backpack actually explodes when Homer's car drives over
    ... Sideshow Bob uses his very large shoes, already mentioned in the
        episode where he framed Krusty, to catch the hangar door from
        slamming shut?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Rupert Murdoch, Abe,
    - Julie Kavner (Marge)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (prisoner #1, Wiggum, parking lot guy, prisoner #4,
      tour guide, hangar guard, Moe, aide, EBS announcer, pilot of
      intercepting plane)
    - Harry Shearer (prisoner #2, prisoner #5, sergeant, Hibbert, Hangar
      18 guard)
- Special Guest Voice
    - R. Lee Ermey (Colonel Hapablap)
    - Kelsey Grammer (Sideshow Bob)
- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
    - Tress MacNeille (Vanessa Redgrave)
    - Russi Taylor (girl on TV with boyfriend Craig, Martin)

Movie (and other) references

  + "Twilight's Last Gleaming" {rl}
    - episode title
  + "The Smothers Brothers"/an anti-nuclear war slogan {ddg}/{av}
    - CBS ordered the blackboard punishment (with "war" instead of
      "wedgies") cut from "The Smothers Brothers" when they tried to
      feature it on a large Mother's Day card
    - Bart's blackboard punishment same as 60s slogan, except with
      "wedgies" instead of "nuclear war"
  + "Double Dare" TV game show on Nickelodeon
    - Krusty's waste-of-food obstacle course (see below)
    syndicated columnist Dear Abby {dh}
    - Sideshow Bob says "my dear abbey"
  + Rupert Murdoch
    - Sideshow Bob is arguing with someone who looks and sounds a lot
      like him (see below)
  + "Full Metal Jacket" {br}
    - Col.  Hapablap asks, "What's your major malfunction?", as does the
      drill sergeant from the Kubrick film
    - R. Lee Ermey plays the Col.  _and_ the sergeant in the film
  + "Top Gun" {hl}
    - the colonel says "need for speed" at the airshow
  + the Jumbotron TV screen
    - "Tyranno-vision" a parody
  + "Hangar 18", the movie {av}
    - this is where alien bodies from a crashed spacecraft were
      supposedly stored after the Roswell, NM incident
  + "Dr. Strangelove"
    - the colonel resembles Buck Turgidson, the man played by George C.
      Scott {aw}
    - Bob whistling "We'll Meet Again" while he hooks up the TV
    - war room under Springfield similar
    - several characters from the movie are there (e.g., Dr. Frink as
      Dr. Strangelove)
    - the Col. says, "What in the world according to Garp...", just like
      Slim Pickens (who was in "Dr. S") in "Blazing Saddles": "What in
      the wide world of sports..." {dga}
  + "Dr. Who"
    - Tom Baker, one of the actors who portrayed Dr. Who, appears in the
      war room as a representative of television
  + "Family Matters" {rl}
    - one of the TV representatives is an adult Steve Urkel
  + "Failsafe"
    - sudden still photos of Springfieldianites just as the bomb goes
      off similar to movie
  + a 1964 Lyndon Johnson campaign ad {jm}
    - Maggie peering through the flowers (see below)
    "True Lies"
    - Harrier Jump Jets feature prominently in the movie and this
    the guy who flew into the White House
    - Bob flying at Krusty similar
    - both pilots managed to elude air defenses _and_ caused very little
  + "Easy Rider" {aw}
    - Grampa is riding Captain America's (Peter Fonda's) motorcycle from
      the movie

Previous episode references

- [7G12], [8F20], [9F22], [2F02] Sideshow Bob clips {rl}
- [8F02] The Krusty show lasts many hours {hl}
- [8F21], [2F02] Bob cleans up litter for prison work detail {dy}
- [9F02], [9F14] The Duff blimp appears {hl}
- [9F19] Itchy & Scratchy get replaced {rl}
- [2F02] Homer forgetting the stuff Sideshow Bob did {rl}
- [2F06] Couch gag reminiscent of "Under the Sea" song {th}
- [2F11] Two jets chasing a bogey {hl}
- [2F12] Krusty's love of pornography {dh}
- [2F11] Air raid sirens
- [2F31] George C. Scott is parodied {hl}

Freeze frame fun

- Air Force base sign: {rl}
   U.S.    AIR    FORCE    BASE
   Not affiliated with U.S. Air
- Air show ad: {rl}
   (shot of
   plane with
   huge landing
   S A T U R D A Y
   NOVEMBER   25th
- Prison bus: {rl}
- Statue: {rl}
        Home of the
   83rd Stunt Flying Wing
- Duff stand: {rl}
- Sign on Kitty Hawk: {rl}
      MODEL  B
- Restricted area sign: {rl}
   Special Clearance required

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

Sideshow Mel is much too clean emerging from the refried beans and
Bernaise sauce.  {dh}

In 2F02, the prisoners at Springwood wear blue; now they wear orange.

Westminster Abbey doesn't have clocks on the sides of its tower; it has
sundials.  (Big Ben is right across the street, so it doesn't need
clocks.)  And why would Sideshow Bob bother with setting the clocks on
his model if they don't move?  {ddg}

Women cannot serve in combat in the US military; perhaps "Lisa" served
in another country's army.  {th}

The "severe tire damage" sign is on wrong side of the fence (the tire
damage occured when Homer backed out, not when he went in).  {dy}

The Colonel is wearing a star on each shoulder, which is the insignia of
a Brigadier General; a Colonel would have an eagle instead of a star.

Home appears to drink six glasses of alcohol-free Duff, but seems to get
charged for eight.  {jm}

The cash register had an old-fashioned mechanical sound but a digital
display.  {th}

The doors to the hangar disappear when Sideshow Bob pushes the buzzer.

The "DANGER" signs on the hangar change from red to white with red
lettering to white with black lettering; then they become red again, but
much smaller than before.  {dh}

It's impossible for Bob to hook up to the Tyranno-vision feed by
clipping his cable onto the _outside_ of an insulated cable.  {dh}

The hole in Marge's hair disappears once the Harrier jets appear.  {dh}

Where is the uranium/plutonium when the bomb breaks apart?  {ddg}

Why would the computer terminal be _inside_ the air bag of the blimp
rather than the gondola?  {jm}

The electronic sign on the blimp is much larger when Homer is buying his
beer than when Lisa is displaying her message.  {ddg}

The siren used in the Air Force Base is incorrect.  It is meant to be
used for air raids.  {rl}

When Bob tries to escape in the Harrier, it taxies forward before
falling into a trench; a real Harrier rises vertically before moving
forward - hence the name "Harrier Jump Jet".  {ddg}

In the broadcast shack, the roll of paper towel behind Krusty disappears
when he is on camera.  {dy}

Maggie is not with Homer, Marge, and Lisa when they are chasing Sideshow
Bob and Bart, but she is present when Sideshow Bob is captured.  {ddg}


Joe Manfre: A funny episode, rich in detail and subtle satire.  After
    last week's kinda shaky "Mother Simpson", this was a relief: Great
    TV jokes (easy ending, "Here we go again"), and Bart & Lisa working
    together, and right in character, again!  I've liked all the
    Sideshow Bob eps, and this was no exception.  A.

Harry McCracken [senior assoc. editor, "PC World" - ed]: This episode
    was a very good one, raised to a certain level of immortality (for
    me, at least) by its gag that mentioned "PC World" magazine.  While
    I'm sure that the series has included countless gags that were
    funnier than this one, somehow I've never laughed quite so

Dale Abersold: Sideshow Bob episodes are always fun to watch, and this
    one was no exception, but somehow it seemed poorly planned.  The
    voice direction was not as fine as it usually is (Grammer, usually
    excellent, sounded like he phoned it in).  Still, there were some
    great gags, especially Grampa's first line.  Grade: C+/B-

Dave Kathman: There were plenty of laughs, but for some reason I didn't
    seem to enjoy this one as much as I'd hoped I would.  Maybe it's
    because the pace wasn't as fast as in a normal Simpsons episode;
    almost all the action took place at the air show, within the span of
    a couple of hours.

Aaron Varhola: Some hilarious and insightful parts, but the pieces
    didn't really come together; the plot dragged through most of the
    first and second, and the end was anti-climactic.  Kelsey Grammer
    was good, given the material, and I particularly liked the sly "book
    smart" reference to Lisa in the blimp.  C+.

Don Del Grande: C-plus - usually, the first two parts of the episode are
    good but then it falls off at the end; this time, the show started
    off bad but then managed something resembling humor at the end.

Chad Pimentel: Well, I liked the parts of this episode that DIDN'T deal
    with Sideshow Bob directly.  The military guy was great, and the
    scene where Milhouse gets ejected and crashes was wonderful.  Odd as
    this seems, the Simpsons are definitely at their best when they
    stray from the actual plot.

Haynes Lee: B+.  An otherwise good show.  However it should have had
    more Dr. Stranglove and should have cut out the Top Gun crap.

Ricardo Lafaurie: "That was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that
    never made me want to retch." 2F02 being the exception, I never like
    Sideshow Bob episodes.  They're appealing, but just not funny.  This
    one had too many FOX swipes and not much plot development, and the
    conclusion was rather hasty.  My Grade: D+.

Benjamin Robinson: Another fine performance by Kelsey Grammer, good
    jokes (like the air show sequences, Krusty's EBS show, and Bart's
    declaration of independence from underwear) make this latest
    installment of the misadventures of Sideshow Bob a keeper.  Grade:

Adam Lipkin: I was eagerly waiting for this episode--Sideshow Bob is one
    of my favorite characters -- and therefore I was kind of
    disappointed by the show.  It did grow on my after a second viewing,
    though.  I nearly fell over when Doctor Who walked in.  I'm going to
    give it a B.

Dominik Halas: Hilarious!  The Sideshow Bob episodes are always great,
    and this was no exception.  There were lots of clever one-liners,
    yet another Grampa story, and of course, a whole half-hour of
    Sideshow Bob!  Grade: A.

Tony Hill: It would be nice if this could truly be his last gleaming,
    but there will undoubtedly be an ep where he takes revenge on Lisa.
    When the OFF movie is made, please leave SSB out!  Showing the
    planes hovering was a stupid gag.  Anyway, the "flying high," and
    "air-to-nerd missile" lines as well as Lisa's message get Kudos.

Doug Yovanovich: A good episode overall, but I expected more out of a
    Sideshow Bob episode.  Some strong scripting and a few good gags
    saved this episode from mediocrity.  Score: [***--] (3 out of 5)

Yours truly: I really wasn't too fond of this episode.  Kelsey Grammar
    was outstanding as always, Lee Ermey was a fine casting choice, and
    there were funny moments, but overall, the plot felt contrived.  I
    hope Bob comes back later in a better episode.  Grade: C-.

Comments and other observations

"Double Dare"

Joe Manfre writes, "A children's game show that ran on the Nickelodeon
    cable network, it featured two pairs of contestants who attempted to
    answer trivia questions.  The winning pair took part in an obstacle
    course similar to Krusty's `Slobstacle' course, featuring bizarre
    mutations of playground equipment, often covered in multicolored
    slime.  The contestents would win prizes for each obstacle

Rupert Murdoch

Aaron Varhola explains, "The `Australian' prisoner Sideshow Bob gets
    into an argument with is supposed to be him.  The big controversy
    recently was Murdoch's offering Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich a
    $1.6 million advance on his book `To Renew America'.  At the time,
    Murdoch was being investigated by the FCC for alleged falsification
    of holdings of the News Corporation (an Australian corporation) when
    Murdoch bought several stations from Metromedia in 1985 (these
    stations were the beginnings of the Fox network).  Murdoch became an
    American citizen in 1985, ostensibly to purchase the stations; FCC
    regulations require at least 75% United States ownership.
    When Twentieth Century Holdings bought the Metromedia stations,
    Murdoch and Barry Diller owned 76% of the capital stock of 20th C.
    Holdings, and the News Corporation 24%.
    However, the News Corporation owns 99% of the equity in 20th Century
    Holdings.  Murdoch, in turn, holds 33% of the News Corporation
    The FCC ruled that since the Fox network was "an alternative to the
    three networks", there could be an exception to the foreign-
    ownership rule.
    (Portions of this are in the December 12, 1994 issue of Broadcasting
    & Cable magazine, page 6.)"

Unfortunate timing

Ricardo Lafaurie says, "The joke of Krusty mopping the floor with
    Sideshow Mel suffered from unfortunate timing, as it aired after the
    day of a horrifying death from child abuse.  Awilda Lopez killed her
    adopted daughter by throwing her against the wall.  When it all came
    out, she admitted to certain atrocities against her child, including
    using her head to mop the floor.  This had something to do with my
    dislike of the episode."

"Up, Up, and Away"

Tony Hill writes, "`Up, Up and Away', its title inspired by Superman but
    referring instead to balloon flying, was written by Jimmy Webb in
    1967 and was an international hit for the Fifth Dimension."

"The surly bonds of earth"

Benjamin Robinson says this is a line from "High Flight", a poem about
    aviation written by John Gillespie Magee, Jr.  It goes:
    Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
    And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
    Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
    Of sun-split clouds -- and done a hundred things
    You have not dreamed of -- wheeled and soared and swung
    High in the sunlit silence.  Hov'ring there,
    I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
    My eager craft throught footless halls of air.
    Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
    I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
    Where never lark, or even eagle flew.
    And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
    The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
    Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.


Ricardo Lafaurie notes, "Goya is a food company in Latin America that
    makes Latin American foods and sells them in the United States.  In
    case you don't watch much Spanish TV, a great many of the
    commercials are for Goya."

"Daisy" commercial

Joe Manfre says, "The scene with Maggie before the atomic detonation was
    similar to a campaign commercial run for President Lyndon Johnson in
    the 1964 Johnson/Goldwater presidental race.  The commercial
    featured a little girl in a field counting petals as she pulled them
    from a daisy.  As the camera zoomed in on the girl, her counting
    mixed with a voice on a speaker giving a countdown to liftoff, then
    the scene showed a nuclear explosion.  Finally, there was a message
    to the tune of `Who do you trust with this power?'  The point of the
    commercial was that Goldwater was a merciless hawk who couldn't be
    trusted with his finger on the button, and that Johnson would
    consider all the little girls in the country before deciding to
    engage in a nuclear attack.  Johnson, of course, won re-election."

Tony Hill adds, "The `Daisy Girl' ad only ran once, but the fury it
    touched off resulted in much of the campaign advertising regulation
    that existed in the US for twenty years thereafter."

R. Lee Ermey

Ricardo Lafaurie says, "R.  Lee Ermey is the kind of actor you can
    recognize but not name (sort of like Lane Smith.)  On TV, he
    appeared in `83 Hours 'Til Dawn' and the short-lived Fox series `The
    Adventures of Brisco County Jr.' as County's father.  Here are some
    of the more popular movies Ermey, also known as Lee Ermey, appeared

    - Full Metal Jacket (Sgt. Hartman)
    - Fletch Lives (Jimmy Lee Fainsworth)
    - True Identity (Houston's Boss) [uncredited]
    - Toy Soldiers (General Kramer)
    - Sommersby (Dick Mead)
    - Hexed (Detective Ferguson)
    - Body Snatchers (1993) (General Platt)
    - Murder in the First (Judge Clawson)
    - Toy Story (the plastic sergeant)"

Quotes and Scene Summary (courtesy of Gary Goldberg)

The scene opens on Krusty speaking into the camera.

Krusty: I'd like to thank everybody who contributed to Krusty's canned
        food drive.  Your generous donations have made this our
        slipperiest, slimiest slop-stacle course ever!  [laughs]
         [in the background, Mel "goes" through the obstacle course]
        Our contestants will drop out of my nose, and blurp into a tub
        of refried beans.  From there, they'll stumble down a sluice of
        rich, eggy bearnaise sauce.  How can we afford it?  It's rancid!
        Then, at the finish line, a scrumptious parfait of pudding,
        pickle brine and detergent where a writhing pile of kids will
        grope blindly for hot dogs.
   Mel: Krusty, please!  It burns!
-- Krusty, humanitarian, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to Simpson's Home.  Bart and Lisa are laughing at the onscreen

 Bart: Aw, just think, Lis: that's _our_ pickle brine burning Sideshow
Homer: Pfft.  That Sideshow Mel think's he's so big.  Whatever happened
       to Sideshow Bob?
 Lisa: Don't you remember Dad?
        [flash to quick scenes of each]
       He framed Krusty, he tried to kill Aunt Selma, he rigged an
 Bart: And he tried to murder me.
Homer: [in present] Oh yeah.  But what I'll mainly remember is the
-- Joy through selective memory, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

"I wonder what he's doing now?" wonders Homer aloud.  Cut to the
Springwood Minimum Security Prison gate.  The gate is open and
unattended.  Sideshow Bob is building a model building inside a bottle.

        Bob: Ahh, Westminster Abbey.  Edward the Confessor himself could
             not have done better.  Now to set the clocks to Greenwich
             Mean Time.
              [laughing erupts from the nearby room, disrupting Sideshow
             Bob and causing the model to crumble]
              [gasps] My dear abbey!
              [Bob runs to the next room where other prisoners are
             watching Krusty on TV and laughing uproariously]
     Krusty: [on TV] This is the way we mop the floor, mop the floor --
        Bob: Oh, must you bray night and day at that infernal
Prisoner #1: Oh, look who's talking.
Prisoner #2: Yeah, Bob...You used to be on this show.
        Bob: Don't remind me.  My foolish capering destroyed more young
             minds then syphilis and pinball combined.  Ooh, how I
             loathe that box.  As omnidirectional sludge pump droning
             and burping...
Prisoner #3: [looking like Rupert Murdoch] Look here, that's enough now!
             I own 60% of that network --
              [Attempts to strangle Sideshow Bob.]
     Wiggum: All right, break it up, boys.  It's time for work detail.
              [the prisoners file out for work]
Prisoner #3: [to Bob] I suppose you don't like tabloid newspapers
-- The corner of the trash market, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to prison bus entering "U.  S. Air Force Base" which is "Not
Affiliated With U. S. Air".  The prisoners are raking trash from the

   Bob: There.  That's the last condom wrapper.
         [a jet flies by, blowing all the neatly piled trash away]
        Oh, I renew my objection to this pointless endeavor!  Informally
        now and by affidavit later.  Time permitting.
Wiggum: Shut your word hole!  We've got to get this place clean for the
        air show.
   Bob: Air show?  Buzz-cut Alabamians spewing colored smoke from their
        whiz jets to the strains of "Rock You Like A Hurricane?"  What
        kind of countrified rube is still impressed by that?
-- Need he ask the question?, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to Homer, Marge, Lisa and Bart excited by news of the Air Show in
the Springfield Shopper.

All but Marge: Yeah!  Yes.  All right!
        Marge: [drolly] Yeah.
         Lisa: I want to meet the first female Stealth Bomber pilot.
               During the Gulf War she destroyed seventy mosques and her
               name is Lisa too.
         Bart: I want to see some birds get sucked into the engines.
               Rare ones.
        Marge: This year I'm making ear plugs out of biscuit dough.
                [the oven bells sounds]
               They're ready!
-- Better let them cool first, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut back to the minimum security prison at night.  The door is still
ajar.  Bob crawls into bed..."So weary," he yawns, closing his eyes.
His bunkmate turns on a small TV and disturbs his attempt to sleep.
From the TV: "Grandma, this is my friend Craig."  Laughter.  "Friend?
You mean you two aren't knocking boots!?"  More laughter.  "Ever do the
backseat mambo, Craigie?"

Bob: Oh.  I know that voice.  TV's bottomless chum bucket has claimed
     Vanessa Redgrave!
-- A bad Fox special in TV land, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

On TV: "Now I'm going to haul ass to Lollapalooza".  More laughter.
"Yee haw!", Redgrave cries, revving her hog.  Bob bids her teary
farewell as the 20th Century Fox theme plays.

Cut to the next day, at the air base.  Sideshow Bob is polishing a jet.

Wiggum: Hey you!  The state's not paying you five cents an hour to stand
        around.  Now get busy!
   Bob: Oh, I'll get busy.  I'll get very busy indeed.
         [laughs his signature laugh]
Wiggum: [laughs nervously] You still got it, Bob.  Heh.
-- Humorous, even as a criminal, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to the Simpsons driving into the air base under a sign saying "Air
Show Today."  They drive pass an airman directing traffic.

 Bart: Way to guard the parking lot, Top Gun.
Guard: I have three medals for this.
-- Heroism at its finest, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The prisoners are boarding the prison bus.

     Wiggum: Hey, where is Sideshow Bob and that guy who, uh, eats
             people and takes their faces?
Prisoner #4: I'm right here, chief!
     Wiggum: Oh.  Then where's Sideshow Bob?
Prisoner #5: Ehh, he ran off.
     Wiggum: Oh, great.  Well, if anyone asks, uh...I beat him to death,
        Lou: Right.
-- The most likely explanation, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The bus pulls away, leaving Sideshow Bob behind.  The Simpsons are
looking at a jet.

Tour guide: At this point in time, I would like to direct your attention
            to the particular air vehicle next to which I am currently
            standing.  The Harrier Jet is one of our more dollar-
            intensive ordnance delivery vectors.
     Marge: Five tires!?  Am I seeing things?
     Guide: And, although it looks complicated it is so well-designed,
            even a child could fly it.
      Lisa: Can I fly it?
     Guide: Of course you can not.
-- Lisa tries to pull a fast one, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Homer sees a stand apparently offering "Free Duff".

Homer: Free Duff!?  Viva life!
-- Homer at the Air Show, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

He swallows many cups before other people move away to reveal the rest
of the sign saying "Alcohol-Free Duff".  The attendant rings up a $48.00
bill for the drinks.  Homer pretends to faint and sneaks away.

A line of children forms to "Sit in a Real F-15 Fighter."  Milhouse is
sitting in the cockpit, pushing buttons.

Milhouse: [makes machine gun noises] Take that, Mom!
           [makes more noises] Take that, Dad!  Send me to a
          psychiatrist, will you?
           [makes more noises] Take that, Dr. Sally Waxler!  [pushes
           [gets ejected at high-speed]
-- Milhouse at the controls of an F-15, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Milhouse crashes into the Snack Bar.  Meanwhile, Sideshow Bob is
listening through the window of the base commander's office.  A sergeant
says, "Colonel?  They're expecting you at the podium in ten minutes."
The colonel mumbles a reply.  Sideshow Bob sneaks past, and seeing the
"Colonel's Washroom", enters.  He spies some of the Colonel's towels and
throws them on the ground outside.  He closes the door and waits for the
Colonel, who sees the towels as he walks by.

Hapablap: What in the world according to Garp -- ?  Those are my dress
           [tries the locked door]
          Who's in my private washroom?  McGuckett, let me in.
     Bob: [effecting a cornpone accent] The door already is closed.
Hapablap: What?!  This is Colonel Leslie "Hap" Hapablap.  If you don't
          open that door I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot
     Bob: You say you're in the military?
Hapablap: Sweet Enola Gay, Son!  I'm going to come in there and corpse
          you up -- corpse you up and mail you to mama!
           [breaks the door open and rushes in]
          Well, where'd he go?  Got my knuckles all lined up for
           [kisses his hand]
          Sorry, ladies.
-- Bob spars verbally, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Sideshow Bob chuckles from the wastebasket as Colonel Hapablap leaves.
Cut to Grampa and Bart standing in front of the Wright Brothers' Model B
plane on display.

  Bart: Look at that hunk of junk.
Grampa: Oh, jeeh -- you're ignorant!  That's the Wright Brothers' plane.
        At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles
        on a thimbleful of corn oil.  Singlehandedly won us the Civil
        War, it did.
  Bart: So how do you know so much about American history?
Grampa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets.
-- Bart hisses a mystery lesson, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to Sideshow Bob, standing in front of the electronically-secured
door of a hangar.  Signs all say "Restricted Area" and "Danger".  He
presses the door buzzer.

Guard: Authorization code?
  Bob: [sounding like Colonel Hapablap] Code?  Son, this is Colonel
       Hapablap.  That fool McGuckett sprayed runway foam all over Chuck
       Yeager's Acura.  Now get down there with the chamois triple time!
Guard: But Colonel, I'm under strict orders...
  Bob: Sweet Enola Gay, son!  Get moving or I'll tear you up like a
       Kleenex at a...
       ...snot party.
Guard: Sir!  Right away Sir!
-- Bob's persona slips momentarily, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The guard runs out of the hanger.  Sideshow Bob catches the door as he
leaves and enters the hanger.  Cut to Homer crossing the bleachers at
the reviewing stand carrying a load of tasty treats for the family.  A
large television screen is off to one side.

Homer: They didn't have any aspirin so I got you some cigarettes.
        [hands Marge a pack of Laramies]
Marge: Mmm.  Maybe my headache will go away once the show starts.
-- Nicotine, the wonder drug, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The public announce system squeals into operation right over Marge's

Hapablap: Ahem, ladies and gentlemen!  What a day for an air show.  Not
          a cloud in the sky!
           [Bob leaves the hangar pushing a wheelbarrow holding a ten
          megaton nuclear weapon]
     Bob: Except perhaps...a mushroom cloud.
           [laughs his laugh, almost dropping the bomb in the process]
           [resumes laughing more quietly]
-- "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

[End of Act One.  Time: 8:05]

The scene opens on Colonel Hapablap speaking at the microphone.

Hapablap: To slip the surly bonds of earth, and touch the face of God.
          To fly -- the dream of man and flightless bird alike.  And
          now, hold on tight, as we blast through the thrilling
          highlights of aviation history!  Say, did somebody say "box
           ["Up, Up and Away" starts]
    Bart: No!
           [everyone groans as kids with box kites walk out]
  Martin: The common box kite was originally used as a means of drying
          wet string.
-- The lame preamble to the air show, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The music is very load and screechy.  Marge covers her ears.  Sideshow
Bob is busy implementing his plans.

   Marge: Do they have to play that rock music?  Every note is pounding
          into my skull!
           [the central part of the speaker shoots through her hair]
Hapablap: Anybody out there feel the need for speed?
Everyone: Yaya!
   Marge: [drolly] Yat.
Hapablap: Then get ready for the pride of the United States Air Force:
          the British-made Harrier Jump Jet!
           [ets fly by to the tune of "Rock You Like A Hurricane"]
    Lisa: Dad!  Why aren't you looking?
   Homer: Heh heh, why jerk my neck around like a goon when Tyrranno-
          vision decides what I should look at?
-- Thank you, jumbo TV, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Homer points to the screen where the jets are flying by.  The scene on
the big TV switches to Maggie on Marge's lap.  "Ooh, look! it's Maggie!"
Homer waves his hand in front of Maggie, but the scene changes to
Sideshow Bob.  "Maggie?" asks Homer.

   Bart: [gasps] Sideshow Bob!
          [everyone gasps and screams]
    Bob: [on TV] Hello, Springfield.  Sorry to divert your attention
         from all the big noises and shiny things.  But something's been
         troubling me lately: television!  Wouldn't our lives be so much
         richer if television were done away with?
    Moe: What?!
Hibbert: [scoffs] Surely he's not talking about VH-1.
    Bob: Why, we could revive the lost arts of conversation...and
         scrimshaw.  Thus I submit to you we abolish television,
  Homer: Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!
    Bob: Oh, and one more thing.  I've...stolen a nuclear weapon.  If
         you do not rid this city of television within two hours, I will
         detonate it.  Farewell.
-- Bob's evil parting words, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The TV turns off.  The crowd begins to panic.  The TV clicks back on

Bob: By the way, I'm aware of the irony of appearing on TV in order to
     decry it.  So don't bother pointing that out.
-- Bob, well-versed in language arts, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The TV clicks off again.  The crowd begins to run away as an air raid
siren sounds.

Marge: [panicking] Kids!  Everything's gonna be OK!  Don't panic!  Just
       don't panic!
 Lisa: Mom.  Mom!  You're stepping on my heels and knocking my shoes
Marge: We can always get more shoes!  Move!  Move!  Move!
-- Marge, sage counselor, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The crowd runs past the entry gate.

Guard: Stamp your hand for reentry.
        [the crowd runs past in a panic]
 Bart: Hey!  Cool!  I want to be around when those guns start going off.
-- The mass exodus from the air show, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

He tuns back in.  Lisa sees him and calls after him, "Bart, no!"  She
runs in after him as the gate closes.

Marge: Wait!  Wait, my children are in there!
Guard: You must be very proud, Ma'am.
-- Thick as a brick, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to an underground bunker where the city leaders are meeting.

  Quimby: Our city will _not_ negotiate with terrorists!  Is there a
          city nearby that will?
Hapablap: No need, sir.  We'll find that headcase faster than Garfield
          finds lasagna.
           [Quimby looks at him] Oh.  Sorry, my wife thought that was
-- Army man's humor, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Guards are searching the base.  They open the door to a portable toilet
revealing Grampa.

Grampa: This elevator only goes to the basement.  And somebody made an
        awful mess down there.
-- Grampa, stuck in the porta-potty, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The guards open the doors to Hangar 18, where an extraterrestrial being
is inside.  "Watch out!  He's got his probe!" shouts one man as they
slam the doors closed.

Lisa runs into Colonel Hapablap's office, where Bart is sitting behind
his desk, "flying" the pen and pencil set and making war noises.

Lisa: Bart.  Bart!  What are you doing?  We've got to get out of here.
Bart: Target sighted.  Launching air-to-nerd missile!
       [launches a missile model, hitting Lisa]
Lisa: Owww!  Come on, Mom and Dad are waiting!
       [drags Bart out]
-- Bart fulfills a fantasy, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut back to the underground bunker.

Hapablap: Bob is not here.  We have searched every square inch of this
          base and all we have found is porno, porno, porno!
  Quimby: We have only twenty minutes left.  Send in the esteemed
          representatives of television.
           [Kent Brockman, Chesperito, Krusty and two others file in]
           [Krusty sees the magazines on the table]
  Krusty: Hey, hey!  Now this is my kind of meeting!
  Quimby: Gentlemen, it's time we face up to the un-face-up-to-able.  We
          must sacrifice television in order to save the lives of our
  Krusty: Whoa!  Whoa-ho-ho!  Let's not go nuts.  Would it _really_ be
          worth living in a world without television?  I think the
          survivors would envy the dead!
  Quimby: I appreciate your passion on behalf of your medium.  But I'm
          afraid we are out of options.  Television must go.  May God
          have mercy on our souls...
-- Prayer to a vengeful God, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Television transmission towers are destroyed throughout town.

  Brockman: [on air] And as my final newscast draws to a close, I'm
            reminded of a few of the events that brought me closer to
            you: the collapse of the Soviet Union, premium ice cream
            price wars, dogs that were mistakenly issued major credit
            cards, and others who weren't so lucky.  And so, farewell.
            Uh, and don't forget to look for my new column in PC World
Chesperito: [on air] Muchas gracias, Amigos, por tolas las memorias.  Y
            super gracias a Goya.
       Bob: Success!  They're giving in.  Blast!  I should've made more
            demands.  Some decent local marmalade for one.  Oh well,
            next time.
-- Assuming there _is_ one, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to Krusty in his studio, where the stagehands are breaking down his

Krusty: Aaah!  Not my extendo-glove!  They haven't made those since the
        war.  Oh, not my Paris backdrop!  How am I going to make fun of
        the Frogs!?
        Wait...if I could only stay on the air, I'd have 100% of the
        audience.  Think of the ratings!
-- A plan in the clownish mind, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut back to the air base fence.  Marge is bandaging Homer's hands.

Homer: OK, so we can't go over the fence.
Marge: I feel so helpless.  What if something happens to them?
Homer: I'm sure they're fine, honey.
Marge: Well, at least they're wearing clean underwear.
        [cut to Bart's bed at home, where his underwear is still laid
        [inside the base]
 Bart: Free and easy, Lis...aaah.  There's nothing like an unfurnished
       basement for pure comfort.
 Lisa: Huh?  Hurry up, Mom and Dad are probably worried sick.
-- More tenets of the Bart philosophy, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Colonel Hapablap and an aide walk by.

Hapablap: You know what really frosts my Kelvinator?  That friutcup's
          probably still laughing at us from his damn hidey-hole.
    Aide: I'd rather take an order from Bill Clinton then hear that
          guy's snooty, high-toned voice again, Sir!
-- "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The colonel walks by.  Bart and Lisa emerge from the bushes.

Lisa: High-toned voice...Bart, that's it!  I know where Sideshow Bob is
       [they start running]
      When Bob broadcast that message, his voice was higher then normal.
      And what makes your voice high?
Bart: Tight, binding underwear?
Lisa: Helium!  Sideshow Bob is in the Duff blimp!
-- Well, they're both right, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

They run toward the blimp.

      Bob: [high-pitched] All Springfield trembles before the might of
           Sideshow Bob!  Blasted helium!  Shoo...shoo...shoo.
            [normal voice] Ha ha, that's better!
            [turns channels on the TV and sees only static]
           Gone.  [click]
           Gone too.  [click]
           Fabulous.  [click]
           Marvelous.  [click]
            [the Emergency Broadcast System logo appears]
            [Bob begins to walk away until he hears Krusty's voice]
Announcer: This is the Emergency Broadcast System.  Stand by for an
           urgent bulletin.
   Krusty: [on TV] Hey Hey!  [laughs] Krusty the Clown is back on the
           air!  Eight...no no, _twelve_ hours of day.  The only game in
      Bob: Krusty!  But how?!
   Krusty: I'm comin' at you live from the civil defense shack in the
           remote Alkali Flats of the Springfield Badlands!  I'll be
           beaming out eleven watts of wackiness!  Hour after hour of
           unscripted, unrehearsed comedy.  Featuring...uh...uh...
           Professor Gas Can!  And, uh, [grabs photo] former President
           Ike Eisenhower!  [imitative] Let's get busy!
      Bob: Oh, my utopia lies in ruins!  How naive of me to think a mere
           atom bomb could fell the chattering cyclops!
-- TV, almighty, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

He uncages the red detonator button as Bart and Lisa spring up from the
trap door in the bottom of the blimp.

 Bob: Well, at least I'll have my revenge!
Bart: Bob, no!
Lisa: Don't you see?  That would be taking the easy way out.
 Bob: I agree.  [presses the button]
-- Thinks that make you go "Boom!", "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

A blinding flash fills the air.

[End of Act Two.  Time: 16:16]

The scenes flash through people throughout Springfield and then the
mushroom cloud appears, very small, and sets off the smoke detector in
the blimp.  The bomb casing breaks apart and rats scatter.

 Bob: [reading from the bomb casing] "Best before November 1959."
      Dammit, Bob.  There were plenty of brand new bombs, but you had to
      go for that retro 50s charm.
       [to kids] Well, if it isn't my arch nemesis, Bart Simpson.  And
      his sister Lisa to whom I'm fairly indifferent.
Bart: So, Krusty double crossed you.  But your basic plan was pure
      genius.  Where do you get your ideas?
 Bob: Oh please.
       [brandishing a knife from hand to hand]
      Let's not embarrass us both with that hoary old "stall the villain
      with flattery" scheme.
-- The unwritten dignity code for showdowns, "Sideshow Bob's Last

Lisa is typing on the console behind Sideshow Bob.

  Bart: I...should have known you were too smart to fall for that.
   Bob: Really?  What type of smart?  Book smart?  Because there are a
        lot of people who are book smart but it takes a special type of
        genius to --
Wiggum: All right Bob, it's over!  Come out with your hands up.
   Bob: No!  How did they find me?
         [electronic sign on side blimp flashes, "HELP!  SIDESHOW BOB IS
-- A certain plucky eight-year-old, is how, "Sideshow Bob's Last

Sideshow Bob cuts through the side of the blimp which deflates.  He
grabs Bart and heads for the Harrier.

    Lisa: He's getting away!  [gets covered by the blimp]
Hapablap: Oh...not the Harrier!  We've got a war tomorrow.
     Bob: [sees control panel with two buttons, STOP and FLY]
          God bless the idiot-proof Air Force.
-- Oh, he'll bless them, all right, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

He presses the FLY button, and the jet taxis forward into a ditch.
Sideshow Bob switches to the Wright Brothers plane.

   Guard: They're gone!
Hapablap: Hell...not the Wright Brothers plane!  The Smithsonian's gonna
          have my ass on a platter.
-- Bob makes his escape, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to Homer breaking the entry gate down with his car.  Sideshow Bob
and Bart fly over head as Lisa runs out.

 Bart: Dad!  Help!
Marge: [screams] Ahh!
Homer: Hang on, Boy!  Daddy's coming to save you!
        [rolls over the tire trap and blows all the tires]
 Lisa: Mom!  I found Sideshow Bob's hideout and I got a secret message
       to the police and I had a blimp fall on me and I was in an atomic
       blast but I'm OK now!
Homer: Well, I wrecked the gate, but you don't hear me bragging.  Now
       let's roll!
-- How easily the young thrill, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Cut to Sideshow Bob and Bart in the plane.

 Bob: Aah, for the days when aviation was a gentleman's pursuit -- back
      before every Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray
      and jet off to Raleigh-Durham.
Bart: [spitting] Are you getting lots of bugs in your mouth too?
 Bob: [pause] Yes.  [spits]
-- Ew, bugs, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Two jets speed in.

Intercom: Prepare to engage enemy.
           [the jets speed past]
          Bogey's air speed not sufficient for intercept.  Suggest we
          get out and walk.
-- The air force guys in hot pursuit, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The two pilots do just that.  Homer drives behind the plane.  "Jump,
Boy!  I've got you!" he cries.  "I'm coming!" yells Bart.  He breaks
away from Sideshow Bob.  He throws his backpack to Homer, which falls
beneath the car's wheels and then explodes.

Homer: Now you Boy!
 Bart: [scared] Oh.
        [plane approaches cops standing on their cars]
       You can't escape Bob.  If the tennis rackets don't get you, the
       pool skimmers will.
  Bob: Ooh, I never planned to escape.  You see, this is a kamikaze
       mission!  You and I are going to kill Krusty the Clown!  Hah hah
-- The final diabolical plan revealed, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Bob manages to avoid both the tennis rackets and pool skimmers.  Cut to
Krusty in the civil defense shed.

Krusty: Kids...Itchy and Scratchy can't be here today.  But instead,
        we've got the next best thing!  It's the Stingy and Battery
        show!  They bite.  And light.  And bite and light and...yatta,
        yatta, you know what I'm talking about.
  Bart: You can't kill Krusty: he made you what you are.  Without him,
        you wouldn't even be called Sideshow!
   Bob: Grrrr.
Krusty: [hears noise, stops singing] What the hell is that, a lawnmower?
         [looks out window, sees plane]
  Bart: Get out of the way, Krusty!
-- Portrait of a clown's mortality, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Krusty jumps through the window.  The plane takes awhile to get there.

Krusty: What is the freaking holdup?
   Bob: Die, Krusty, Die!
-- Slow-motion kamikaze, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The plane hits the shed and bounces off of it, knocking Sideshow Bob and
Bart to the ground.  A tank rolls in and then over the plane, crushing

 Soldier: Ooh, sorry.  We don't normally drive these in the Air Force.
  Wiggum: [cuffing Bob] Got ya, ha ha, you...TV-hating mutant!
Hapablap: What is your major malfunction, Sideshow Bob?
   Marge: [kisses Bart] My little sugar bug!  [kisses] I'm so glad
          you're safe!
    Bart: But -- but -- but -- Mom!  You're embarrassing me in front of
          the Army guys!
     Bob: How ironic.  My crusade against television has come to end so
          formulaic, it could have spewed from the PowerBook of the
          laziest Hollywood hack.
-- _Could_ have..., "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Grampa pulls up to the shed on a chopped motorcycle.

Grampa: Hey everybody, I'm gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza!
Family: Here we go again!
-- More PowerBook Puke, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

The Twentieth Century Fox logo rolls.

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:17]


   {dga} Dale Abersold
   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {dh}  Dominik Halas
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {hl}  Haynes Lee
   {jm}  Joe Manfre
   {br}  Benjamin Robinson
   {av}  Aaron Varhola
   {aw}  Al Wesolowsky
This episode summary is Copyright 1997 by James A. Cherry and Gary
Goldberg.  Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission.
(The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons,
and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.
I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)