Lisa the Greek

Lisa the Greek                      Written by Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky
                                                         Directed by Rich Moore

TV Guide synopsis

Lisa's pigskin-prognostication prowess provides a bond with Homer---and gifts
from gambling gains---until she realizes that the end of the Super Bowl will
end ``daddy-daughter'' days.  Voices: Hank Azaria, Julie Kavner, Yeardley
Smith, Dan Castellaneta.

Title sequence

Cut from clouds directly to driveway.

Driveway   :- Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past.
              Homer says `Waugh!' when the car closes in on him.

Couch      :- Homer accidentally sits on SLH.
              (Recycled from [8[FG]01].)

The cut title sequence is back, to make room for Yet More Michael Jackson
Promotional Hype.  (Oddly, the cut title sequence was aired in Canada.)

Didja notice...

    ... guest voices were supplied by Phil Hartman (Troy McClure, Smooth
        Jimmy Apollo) and Maggie Roswell (Mrs. Hoover)?
    ... Maggie fell only once?
    ... the food dripping out of Homer's lip during the first scene?
    ... the forlorn look on Lisa's face as Homer tells her to move over?
    ... the First Aid box next to the door of the security room?
        I wonder if it has bandages for treating gunshot wounds...
    ... Herman was at Moe's holding a cue stick?  How can he shoot pool!?
    ... the outlets in the kitchen are ungrounded?
    ... the playing field behind Brent and Troy was a soccer field?
    ... at the end of the Duff Bowl, the coach that is doused is wearing
        a Tom Landry hat?  {tws}
    ... in Lisa's dream, the waitress behind her looks like she works
        at Plato's casino (just across the state border)? {tws}

Mixed Reviews

Paul Thrasher (  I liked the balanced ending.  It was
sweet that Homer fulfilled Lisa's request, but sour that he completely
failed to make the trip worthwhile.  Unless, of course, the exercise from
the hike cleans out his vessels enough to relieve the stress on the aneurysm.
Maybe Lisa unwittingly extended Homie's life.

Jason---Muppets Rule! {jmr} [what an odd name]:   One of my favorites of
the season (easily as good as Flaming Moe's).

Craig Burley {jcb}:  This was one of my favorite Simpsons episodes ever.

Ron Carter {rc}:  Not as good as I thought it would be.  Fave moments for me:
Troy ``IRS problems'' McClure's new show, and those deux French guys (finally
out of jail) switching from the Super Bowl to watch a Jerry Lewis movie...

Yours truly {rjc}:  It's up!  It's GOOD!  Another classic episode.  And the
most shocking development this entire season:  Lisa calls Homer `Homer'!

The ``It's funny because it's true'' award goes to the shopping subplot, by
nearly unanimous

Movie (and other) References

  + Jimmy `The Greek' Snyder
        - the title
        - Smooth Jimmy Apollo looks just like him
    Barbie et al
        - the absurdly merchandised plastic doll
  ~ Apocalypse Now
        - ``Smells like... victory'' {jdb}
  ~ Livvy, a British comic strip
        - a recurring gag in the strip is the infant son Sam being bathed
          in the sink. {adh}
  ~ Two-Minute Warning
        - ``Come on, snipers, where are you?'' {abw}

Freeze Frame Fun

Items tagged with a `-' are due to Ron Carter {rc}.

Homer's essentials

 - Salt Doodles
 - Krunchy Korns
 - `New' Bar-B-Q Chips
 - Pork Rinds (of course!)
 + Two bowls of dip
 + A can of that wonderful Duff

Moe's bet book

 - Barney  $5   Pittsburgh
 - Smitty  $12  New Orleans
 - Homer   $20  Denver

Malibu Stacy

Her studio apartment

   Poster of a `female' symbol on the wall
   round table and chair
   blue drapes on the window
   room partition
   twin-sized bed (green covers)
   a tiny poster (of Corey?) taped to the wall
   Malibu Stacy herself
   no kitchen


   Alfa Romeo
   Collagen injection clinic
   Space shuttle

Football bet gimmicks

 - Lock of the Week (Smooth Jimmy Apollo)
 - Shoe in of the Week
 - Gamble-Tron 2000 (Dr. John Fink)

Backstage with Krusty

 - Pizza Roma menu above the phone
 - Krusty #14 set flat

Springfield Mall

   Wee Monsieur (the clothing store for young men)
   (something) Nook

Springfield Public Library

 - ``Give a Hoot / Read a Book'' with Krusty
 - ``The Library / The Hip Place To Be'' Banner
 - Children's Story Hour  Weekdays  2-3 PM
   (Dave Hall {dh} points out that kids would have to cut school to attend.)

The international Super Bowl audience

A group of Pacific islanders watch a TV set, sitting on a log

    Two suck back beers
    One chomps on pizza
    On the ground are an open pizza box and two bags of chips

Cesar and Ugolin

    Large carton of all-season antifreeze


 - Moe's boot has a derringer and a blackjack in it
 - ``Meryl Streep's Versatility'' perfume (in the bottle shaped like an Oscar!)
 - Corey poster becomes Lisa's megaphone
 - KYI 830 - Marge's license plate
 - Bart has a firecracker in a ready-to-launch model plane

Animation and continuity goofs

According to the TV screens behind Jimmy Apollo, the Denver/New England game is
at 1pm EST, but then the Cincinnati/Miami game afterward is at 2pm EST. {tws}

When Lisa giggles when Marge returns home from shopping, she's sitting on the
couch, although in the rest of the scene, she is standing.  (Noted by many.)

When Marge reads the menu, her hands are bare.  But when she giggles at Homer's
and Bart's jokes, she's wearing gloves.

When Lisa reads her essay, Mrs. Hoover has only one leg.

The Simpsons' stove is a gas model in this episode, whereas it is usually
an electric.

When Lisa and Homer first reach the top of Mount Springfield, the sun is
setting on the horizon.  But when they sit down to enjoy the view, it
is setting behind mountains.

Dave Hall {dh}:

Did Lisa look up `football' in the ``Dc--Ea'' card catalog?

Lisa placed a pencil on her ear, eraser-end sticking out, yet as she
turned to Homer, the pointed part is sticking out.

Moe's boot dissappeared from the bar counter in angle/view change.

Lisa's fork & knife disappeared during the kitchen scene.

Before Lisa's nightmare, it appears to be night, yet after the nightmare,
it is daytime and Lisa seems to be the only girl in bed while other little
girls (even Bart) were outside playing?
Lisa's bedroom window should actually be the master bedroom's window.

During one scene, we get to see how Bart manages to clear the wall, yet
in this same scene, the house & garage are drawn incorrectly?  Not to
mention the tree in Flander's yard, which shouldn't be there.

The mob of girls left Lisa's room a mess, yet when Homer enters the
room, Lisa's room appears to be clean.

Lisa's shoe-box disappeared from the bed while Homer was holding her.

As Lisa blew her horn, her bedroom window looked onto what appears to be
the back-yard rather than the front-yard where she first announced the
Malibu give away.

Changed lines (mismatched lip synch)

The lip-synch is off whenever a character says `Washington', `Redskins'
or `Buffalo' because when the episode was animated, they didn't know who
was going to be in the Super Bowl.  I tried to read lips, and I think
`Washington Redskins' was originally recorded as `Minnesota Vikings'.
I can't figure out what `Buffalo' originally was.

Lisa's line, ``You cared more about winning money than you did about me''
originally ended ``than you did about us''.

Homer's ``All right, we're back in business!'' looks like it was originally
something else, but I can't make out what it was.

Comments and other observations

For non-Americans

Football team city/name correspondences (teams mentioned in the episode)

    Atlanta Falcons
    Buffalo Bills
    Chicago Bears
    Cincinnati Bengals (Riverfront Stadium)
    Dallas Cowboys
    Denver Broncos
    Houston Oilers
    Kansas City Chiefs
    Los Angeles Rams
    Los Angeles (formerly Oakland) Raiders
    Miami Dolphins
    New England Patriots
    New Orleans Saints
    New York/New Jersey Giants
    New York Jets
    Philadelphia Eagles
    Pittsburgh Steelers
    San Francisco 49ers
    Seattle Seahawks
    Washington (DC) Redskins

    The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome is the home of the Minnesota Vikings.

Wee Monsieur

What were Sherri and Terri, and the little girl, doing in a boys' clothing
store? {dh}

Phyllis George

Gary Bisaga {gb2} explains that the former Miss America did halftime
reports for CBS sports.  Salient points:  (1) She knew nothing about
football and (2) she was a rabid Dallas Cowboys fan.  ``Like when she
wore her Dallas Cowboy hat and had some sort of cute little stuffed animal
with a Cowboys T-shirt for a cozy halftime Cowboys love fest and talked
about how her `favorite team' would win the game later.  Nothing like
impartiality in journalism!''



Simon Park ( points out that the final score of 55 to 10
is a reference to the shellacking that San Francisco gave to the Denver
Broncos in Super Bowl XXIV, which had the same final score.  (Americans
think the Super Bowl is so important, they are numbered with Roman numerals.)

Previous episodes

   [7[FG]04] Lisa's college fund.
   [7[FG]07] the play-by-play announcer who sounds like Keith Jackson
          (voiced by Harry Sharer)
   [MG6]  Burping Contest (an Ullman short)
   [7[FG]10] (something) Nook
   [8[FG]02] The Gilded Truffle
   [8[FG]08] The Springfield Tire Yard Fire
   [7[FG]13] Cesar and Ugolin

Subsequent airings

The 1993 airing of the episode was redubbed to pick the Cowboys over
Buffalo.  The pick was once again correct.

Quotes and scene summary

 We begin with a computer-generated sequence, depicting two football
 players approaching each other.  The red-uniformed player (#86) sticks
 out his arm, decapitating the blue-uniformed player (#12), whose head
 flies off (with a shocked expression), sailing through the logo, ``Inside
 Football Today.''  Brent Gunsilman welcomes the home audience to ``six
 hours of exciting football action.''  Homer, surrounded by his favorite
 salt- and cholesterol-laden treats, announces ``Bye-bye belt!'', whips
 off his belt, and lets it all hang out.  He then digs in ferociously.
 Marge sees him and warns him that those foods aren't good for his heart.
 Homer scoffs, ``My heart is just fine.''  We take an inside look at Homer's
 chest cavity, where an aorta blows up like a balloon (presumably due to a
 clogged artery), but the danger is averted when the clog clears, and
 the blood continues on its way.  (``A little beer will put out <that>
 fire,'' says Homer.)
   And now, with his picks for today's games, the man who's right 52% of
   the time, Smooth Jimmy Apollo!
   -- Brent Gunsilman hosts a football pre-game show, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Jimmy says the Denver/New England game is too close to call.  ``But
 if you're one of those compulsive types who just has to bet, well,
 I don't know... um... Denver.''  Homer celebrates.  ``Woo hoo!
 Denver!  Yeah!''  Homer calls Moe.
   Moe's Tavern, where the peanut bowl is freshened hourly.
   -- Moe answers the phone, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer puts $20 on Denver, and Moe accepts the bet.  (He has to ask
 Chief Wiggum to hand him his notebook, which Wiggum had been using
 as a coaster.)
   At the end of thirteen seconds of play,
   it's New England seven, Denver nothing.
   -- The football report, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa steps in front of the TV, blocking Homer's view.
   Look Dad, I made a modern studio apartment for my Malibu Stacy doll.
   [shows a neatly furnished shoebox]
   This is the kitchen, this is where she prints her weekly feminist
   -- Lisa's latest triumph, ``Lisa the Greek''
 But Homer isn't paying any attention.  (``Lousy stupid Denver...'')

 Marge gives Maggie a bath and shampoo in the sink.  Marge praises
 Lisa's work.
   Lisa:  Why isn't Dad ever interested in anything I do?
   Marge: Well, um, do you ever take an interest in anything <he> does?
   Lisa:  No. ... Well, we used to have burping contests, but I outgrew it.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
   Well, if you want to get closer to him, then maybe <you> should bridge the
   gap.  I do it all the time.  I pretend I'm interested in looking at power
   tools, going to those silly car-chase movies, and ... some things I'll tell
   you about when you're older.
   -- Marge's advice to Lisa, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Bart slips a dish into the bathwater and receives a brief scolding.

 In the third quarter, New England is winning, 35 to 7.  Lisa suggests
 that she watch the game with Homer, and he reluctantly agrees.  ``Just
 don't say anything and sit down over there.''  Lisa plops on the couch,
 and Homer tells her to keep moving over until she's at the far end of
 the sofa.  Lisa sighs.  Homer scolds, ``Lisa, please, I can't hear the
 announcer.''  ``He said Denver just fumbled.''  ``D'oh!''

 In the yard, Bart uses a magnifying glass to melt a plastic soldier toy.
 (``See you in hell, soldier boy!'')  Marge suggests that, since Homer and
 Lisa are inside watching the game, it ``might be fun'' for Bart to go
 shopping for clothes with her.  Bart maintains that he doesn't need new
 clothes, though his point is undermined by the holes in the shirt and pants
 he's currently wearing.

 Back to `Inside Football Today', where New England has defeated Denver
 by a score of 55 to 10.
   Smooth Jimmy Apollo:  [explaining his poor prediction]
          Well, folks, when you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48%
          of the time.
   Homer: Why didn't you say that before!!
   -- Watching a TV football post-game show, ``Lisa the Greek''
 On the Miami/Cincinnati game, Jimmy picks Miami as his Lock of the Week.
 On another channel, another broadcaster selects Cincinnati as his Shoe-in
 of the Week.  On another channel, Professor John Fink's high-tech computer
 picks Cincinnati, by 200 points?!  He kicks his ``worthless hunk of junk.''
 On another channel, Homer falls for a TV ad for a phone-in guaranteed-win
 football pick.  Homer calls...
   TV:    So call me now!  $5 for the first minute, $2 for each additional minute!
   Homer: [dials the number]
   Voice: You... have reached... the Coach's...  Hot-...
   Homer: Line.
   Voice: Line.
   Homer: Yeah, lay it on me, Coach.
   Voice: In the game... of... Mi... am... i...
   Homer: Mm hm.
   Voice: Versus Cin...
   Homer: Cincinnati.
   Voice: cin...
   Homer: Cincinnati.
   Voice: nat...
   Homer: Cincinnati.
   Voice: i...
   Homer: Come on, come on, don't you realize this is costing me money!
   -- Dial 1-909-WIN-BIGG for football picks, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer eventually gives up.  In desperation he asks Lisa who she picks.
 ``I don't know.  The Dolphins?''  Homer phones in a $50 bet on the
 Dolphins.  Moe's call waiting kicks in, and he takes a call from Krusty,
 phoning in his $700 bet on the Rams from backstage.  (The show is taping.)
 Sideshow Mel honks his horn twice, which Krusty interprets as a $2000 bet.

 Marge drags Bart to `Wee Monsieur'', a clothing store for young men.
   Mom, I'm tired.  I want to go home.  Can't I just lie down for a minute?
   -- Bart whines about being forced to shop for clothes, ``Lisa the Greek''
 There, she loads up Bart with brightly-patterned clothes.
   Bart:  You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom?
          Because the people who wear them get beaten up.
   Marge: Well, anyone who beats you up for wearing a shirt isn't your friend.
   -- More words of wisdom from Marge, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Bart's arms are loaded with clothes, the pile reaching above his head.
 Marge scolds, ``And don't make that face at me.''  Bart responds, ``How'd
 you know?''

 The Dolphins score a touchdown, and Homer celebrates (spilling his Duff
 in the process).  Lisa copies Homer's cheering.  Homer lets slip that
 he bet $50 on the game.  Lisa doesn't understand why.
   What could be more exciting than the savage ballet that is pro football?
   -- Lisa, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer tries an analogy.
   Homer: You like ice cream, don't you?
   Lisa:  Uh huh.
   Homer: And don't you like ice cream better when it's covered with hot fudge?
          And mounds of whipped cream?  [getting carried away]  And chopped nuts?
          And, ooh, those crumbled-up cookie things they mash up?
          Mmm...  Crumbled-up cookie things...
   -- Homer's train of thought gets derailed yet again, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa concludes that ``gambling makes a good thing even better.''
 Homer realizes that there is some kind of bond between him and his daughter.

 Bart changes in the fitting room and sees the sign ``This room monitored
 at all times.''  He spots a TV camera, so he takes some cardboard backing
 and makes the sign, ``Get bent.''  The security men
 who are watching the monitors spot a little girl putting on socks.  ``Those
 aren't the socks she came in with!''  Armed with high-powered rifles, they
 head out.

 Marge checks up on Bart, who at the moment is dressed only in his briefs.
 Everybody in the store chuckles at Bart's embarrassing situation.

 Homer and Lisa celebrate Miami's 24-10 victory over Cincinnati.
 Homer then tells Lisa not to breathe a word about Homer's gambling to
   Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong.
          Even though they say it's okay in the bible.
   Lisa:  Really?  Where?
   Homer: Uh... Somewhere in the back.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Marge returns from shopping and says that Bart is modelling his new clothes
 for his friends.  Bart is in the car, dressed in plaid.  The car is shaking.
 We see the reason:  Jimbo, Kerny, and Dolph are pushing the car up and down.
 ``You gotta come out <sometime>, Simpson.''

 [End of Act One]

 Homer tucks Lisa into bed.
   Lisa:  Can I watch football with you again next Sunday?
   Homer: Sure!  You'll find it gets rid of the unpleasant aftertaste of church.
   -- Sundays of thunder?  ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer leaves and Marge enters.  Marge is pleased that her advice worked,
 and Lisa asks,  ``Could you loosen my blanket a little?  Dad tucked me
 in too tight, and it's cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.''

 Homer and Lisa watch a pre-game show.
   Football player:  [being interviewed]
          This team is fired up.  We came here to play!
   Homer: Aw right!  [picks up the phone to place his bet]
   Lisa:  [scoffing]  He'll lose.
   Homer: What?  Didn't you hear what he said?
   Lisa:  Look at the fear in his eyes, listen to the quiver in his voice.
          [poetically] He's a little boy lost in a game of men.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
   Homer: You think we should bet against them?
   Lisa:  I'd bet my entire college fund on it.
   Homer: You got it.  [to phone]  Moe, twenty-three dollars on New York!
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 New York defeats Philadelphia 35-10.
   Homer: [tossing Lisa in the air in celebration]  Yaay!
   Lisa:  Yaay!
   Homer: [continues tossing]
   Lisa:  Whoa!
   Homer: [continues tossing]
   Lisa:  Dad, I hate to break the mood, but I'm getting nauseous.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
   Homer: Who do you like in the afternoon games?
   Lisa:  Well, I like the 49ers because they're pure of heart,
          Seattle because they've got something to prove,
          and the Raiders because they always cheat.
   Brent: And on an extreeeeeemely suspicious play, the Raiders win!
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer and Lisa cheer.

 Lisa pays a visit to the Springfield Public Library.
   [Under the banner ``The Library / The Hip Place To Be'' sits a lone reader]
   Lisa: Hey, the new sign's really working!
   Mrs. Norton:  Oh, it's been a madhouse, Lisa!
   -- Give a hoot, ``Lisa the Greek''
   [Lisa flips through the card catalog]
   Let's see... Football... Football... `Homoeroticism in'...
   `Oddball Canadian rules'... `Phyllis George and'...
   -- Let your fingers do the walking, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Maggie, Homer and Lisa watch the conclusion of another game.  Maggie
 has a tiny football in her hand and tries to throw it, but she falls
 at the same time, making her throw more of a spike.  The final score
 is announced, Atlanta 17, Houston 13.  ``Who woulda thunk it!''
   Homer: Lisa, you picked the winner every time.  You must have some
          kind of special gift!
   Lisa:  Come on, Dad.  It doesn't take a genius to realize that Houston's
          failed to cover their last ten outings on away turf the week after
          scoring more than three touchdowns in a conference game.
   Homer: Oh, my little girl says the cutest things.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa adds, ``Sunday is fast becoming my favorite day of the week.''
 Homer corrects her, ``Not Sunday.  Daddy-daughter day.''

 Homer comes into Moe's Tavern and orders the usual, ``a beer, and a wad
 of bills!''  Moe quietly grumbles as he takes $135 out of his boot to pay
 Homer.  ``I used to hate the smell of your sweaty feet.  [inhales]  Now
 it's the smell of victory.''  (``Shut up,'' mutters Moe.)

 Homer takes the family to The Gilded Truffle, a very expensive restaurant.
   Gasp!  Look at these prices!  We could finally get rid of those termites
   for the cost of this meal!
   -- Marge reads the menu for The Gilded Truffle, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Marge asks where Homer got the money to pay for it, and Lisa asks, ``Can't
 a man do something nice for his loved ones?''
   Waiter: Hello, I'm Marco, I'll be your waiter.
   Homer:  Hello, I'm Homer, I'll be your customer.
           [Homer, Bart, and Lisa chuckle]
   Waiter: Never heard that one before...
   -- At The Gilded Truffle, ``Lisa the Greek''
   Waiter: Would you care to select the wine?
   Bart:   I'll do the honors.  [takes the wine list, reads it]
           No, no, no, no!  My God!  What passes for a wine list these days?
           Marco, just bring us your freshest bottle of wine, chop-chop.
   -- At The Gilded Truffle, ``Lisa the Greek''
   Homer: Oh, violin guy! [strolling violinist approaches]
          [tucks some money in the violinist's pocket]
          What's your favorite song, Lisa?
   Lisa:  The Broken Neck Blues.
   Homer: [to violinist] Play on.
   -- At The Gilded Truffle, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Back to watching football on TV.
   Brent:  It is the playoffs. It's five below, and there's one loyal fan
           wearing nothing but a G-string, and the team colors painted on
           his body!
           [camera shows the fan in question, shivering, teeth chattering]
   Johnny: He doesn't look too happy!
   Brent:  Heh heh.  Well, maybe the paint has shut off his pores, and
           he's slowly suffocating.  Still, <that> is a <real> fan.
   -- Football pre-game show, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa is on the floor with a calculator and some note paper.  Her
 computations complete, Lisa places her pencil behind her ear.
   Homer: Well, Lisa, it's daddy-daughter day, and Daddy needs daughter's picks.
   Lisa:  Dad, I'm making the Chiefs my five-star silver bullet special.
          And with your blessing, I'd like to tie it to the Cowboys plus
          five at Chicago.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer lets Lisa phone in the bet.  (``This is L.S. calling for H.S.'')

 Moe pays Homer his winnings.
   Barney: Hey, Homer, you wanna go bowling next Sunday?
   Homer:  Barney, are you nuts?  That's the Super Bowl!
           How about the Sunday after that?
   Barney: Well, my Ma's coming in from Norway, but uh, what the hell. [belch]
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa's class are reading their essays on the theme, ``The Happiest Day
 of My Life.''
   Ralph: ... and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that
          was the happiest day of my life.
   Mrs. Hoover:  Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.
   -- Reading essays in front of the class, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa is up next.
   The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago.  I was sitting on my
   daddy's knee when the Saints, who were four-and-a-half point favorites,
   but only up by three, kicked a meaningless field goal at the last second
   to cover the spread.
   -- Lisa's essay, The Happiest Day of My Life, ``Lisa the Greek''
 ``Dear God,'' says Mrs. Hoover.

 At home, Homer brings the family gifts.
   Lisa:  Oh, Dad!  You must have bought me every Malibu Stacy accessory there
   Homer: Not quite.  They were out of Malibu Stacy lunar rovers.
   -- Homer's surprise gift, ``Lisa the Greek''
   Ooh, perfume!  Meryl Streep's Versatility!
   -- Marge's gift from Homer, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Maggie gets a stuffed elephant, which she tosses aside, preferring to
 play with the bubble wrap the animal was wrapped in.  (Pop!  Pop!)
   Homer: Boy, I know you're going to like your present.
   Bart:  [it's a hand-held gizmo with three buttons]
          [Bart presses each button a few times]
   Toy:   Shut up!  Shut up!
          Kiss my butt!
          Shut up!
          Go to hell!  Go to hell!
   Bart:  Dad, I promise you, I will <never> get tired of this.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 At bedtime...
   Marge: Homer, those were very thoughtful presents, but you have to tell
          me where you got the money from.
   Homer: All right, Marge, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise you
          will not get mad.
   Marge: I promise I <will> get mad, because I always do when you make me
          promise I won't.
   Homer: All right, if you must know.  Lisa and I have been gambling on pro
   Marge: Homer!!
   Homer: You promised you wouldn't get mad!
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Marge is furious, but Homer tries to explain that Lisa never picks wrong;
 she has a gift.
   Homer: Aren't parents supposed to encourage their kids whenever they show
   Marge: But gambling is illegal!
   Homer: Oh, only in 48 states.  Besides, it's a victimless crime.
          The only victim is Moe!  Heh heh heh.
   -- Homer has been using Lisa to help him make bets on football,
     ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer says, ``What's the problem?  The kids are happy, you smell like
 Meryl Streep, and I got that foot massager I always wanted.  Believe
 me, Marge, nothing bad could possibly come of this.''  (Homer forgets
 to knock on wood.)

 At the dinner table, Homer's foot is still soaking in the foot massager.
   You know, Dad, we've been watching a lot of TV lately.  Maybe the Sunday
   after the Super Bowl we could hike up to the top of Mount Springfield.
   The fires in the tire yard really make for some beautiful sunsets!
   -- Lisa, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer says he's going bowling with Barney.  ``What about Daddy-daughter
 day?'' ``Don't worry, the new football season is only seven months away.''
 Lisa tearfully concludes that Homer was merely using her.  Marge
 scolds, ``You're a very selfish man.''  Bart's toy says, ``Go to hell!
 Go to hell.''  Bart adds, ``Hey, once again, great present, Dad.''

 [End of Act Two]

 Lisa tosses and turns in her sleep.  She dreams that she is a tired adult
 with too much make-up, at a casino smoking a cigarette.
   Adult Lisa: My third husband bought me this.  [takes off her ring]
               Gimme some [casino] chips for it!
   Clerk:      Are you sure, ma'am?
   Adult Lisa: Don't tell me what to do, sonny.  I've been gambling since I
               was eight, and I've been hocking jewelry since I was twelve!
               Now gimme some chips!
   -- Lisa's nightmare, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa wakes up with a start.
   Look around you, Malibu Stacy.  All this was bought with dirty money.
   Your penthouse, your Alfa Romeo, your collagen injection clinic...
   -- Lisa talks to her doll, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa returns Malibu Stacy to her shoebox.  ``It may not pretty, but dammit,
 it's honest.''  She takes down a Corey poster, curls it into a megaphone,
 and announces that she is giving away all her ill-gotten Malibu Stacy
 accessories.  Girls stampede down the sidewalk (Bart escapes with his
 life) and clean out Lisa's bedroom of said ill-gotten accessories.
 Homer arrives with a Malibu Stacy chinchilla coat, which a girl snatches.
 Lisa says, ``So you've come to buy my forgiveness.  Sorry, Homer.''
 Homer says he enjoyed watching football together, and Lisa admits that she
 did, too.  Homer invites her to watch the Super Bowl, and Lisa agrees.
 Homer then asks Lisa for her pick, and her demeanor changes.
   Lisa:  Look, Dad.  I'll tell you who's going to win the Super Bowl if you
          want me to, but it'll just validate my theory that you cared more
          about winning money than you did about me.
   Homer: Okay.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa picks Washington.  ``However, I may also be so clouded with rage that
 subconsciously, I want you to lose.  In which case, I'd bet the farm on
 Buffalo.''  Homer asks her a second time.  ``If I still love you,
 Washington.  If I don't, Buffalo.''

 Homer glumly soaks a chip in dip while watching the pre-game show.
   Brent:  We're live from the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, and Super Bowl XXVI.
           Today, we're going to be seen by people in one hundred and fifty
           countries, all over the world!
           [shot of some Pacific island natives watching a TV set]
           Including our newest affiliate, W Gimel Aleph Nun in Tel Aviv!
           [cut to Cesar and Ugolin (the evil French winemakers) watching
           the show]
   Ugolin: Stupid!
   Cesar:  [changes the channel with the remote]
   TV:     [Jerry Lewis]  Wauugh!  [crash]  Sorry, Mrs. [mumble]
   Cesar:  [smacks his lips] Formidable!
   -- Fifty million Frenchmen might be wrong, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Homer hears Lisa's saxophone wailing from upstairs.  ``Oh, every note
 is like a dagger in my heart.''  He leaves.
   Moe:    [answering the phone] Moe's Tavern, home of the Super Sunday Brunch
   Barney: [surveying the buffet table]  Whoa!  Baloney!  Bread!
   Moe:    [jotting in his notebook]  I've got you down for forty bucks.
           Good luck, Your Eminence.
   -- Super Bowl Sunday, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Moe sees Homer and tells him he's out of the bookie business.  Barney
 notes that Moe has been taking bets all day, and Moe shuts him up with
 a free beer.  Homer tells Moe he's not placing a bet, and Moe snatches
 the beer back.  (And pours it down the drain.)
   I had the greatest gift of all.  A little girl who could pick football.
   -- Homer, ``Lisa the Greek''
   Well, sir, we're two hours and 45 minutes into the pre-game show...
   -- Brent Gunsilman hosts the Super Bowl pre-game show, ``Lisa the Greek''
   Brent: We've got ourselvs a special guest, actor Troy McClure, whose new
          sitcom is premiering tonight, coincidentally enough, right after
          the game!
   Troy:  Thanks, Brent.  My new show is called `Handle with Care'.
          I play Jack Handle, a retired cop who shares an apartment with a
          retired criminal.  We're the original Odd Couple!
   Brent: What made you want to do a situation comedy?
   Troy:  Well, I fell in love with the script, Brent.  And my recent
          trouble with the IRS sealed the deal!
   -- Brent Gunsilman hosts the Super Bowl pre-game show, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Washington kicks off, and Buffalo gets excellent field position.
   Homer: Buffalo is going to win.  Lisa hates me. [sobs]
   Man:   Whatcha got riding on this game?
   Homer: My daughter.
   Man:   [whistles]  What a gambler!
   -- Watching the Super Bowl, ``Lisa the Greek''
 The halftime score is Buffalo 14, Washington 7.  An incredibly stupid
 halftime show starts up.
   This sucks.  Come on, snipers, where are you!
   -- Bart watches a feeble football halftime show, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Lisa asks for the score, and Bart reports, ``You hate Dad is up by a

 At Moe's Tavern, the gang watch a Duff Bowl commercial.
   It's a touchdown for halfback Dan Beer-dorf!  Duff Dry has won the Duff Bowl!
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 ``They wanted it more,'' notes Moe.
   Barney: Hey Homer, didn't you say that if Duff Dry wins [the Duff Bowl],
           your daughter loves you?
   Homer:  Not Duff Dry.  Washington!
   Barney: Okay, okay.  They're <both> great teams.
   -- ``Lisa the Greek''
 The Redskins score a touchdown.

 Meanwhile, at church (``Every Sunday is Super Sunday'')...
   Rev. Lovejoy:  [surveys his congregation, one man and two old ladies]
        Well, I'm glad <some> people could resist the lures of the big game.
   Man: Oh, my God!  I forgot the game!  [rushes out]
   -- Super Bowl Sunday, ``Lisa the Greek''
   So, with three ticks left on the clock, it all comes down to this one play.
   If Washington scores here, happy fans will be looting and turning over cars
   in our nation's capital tonight!
   -- The closing seconds of the Super Bowl, ``Lisa the Greek''
 Washington scores to win the game, and all celebrate.  ``I guess you love
 Dad,'' says Bart.  Lisa responds, ``I suspected as much.''  Back at the
 bar, Homer celebrates.
   Money comes and money goes, but what I have with my daughter can go on
   for eight more years!
   -- Homer, ``Lisa the Greek''
 At sunset the following Sunday, Lisa and Homer reach the top of Mount
 Springfield.  (Lisa managed to climb the mountain in her red dress.
 Homer is completely out of breath.)  Homer pants, ``It's... beautiful. ...
 After I... catch my... breath...  Can we... go... home?''  The sunset
 is enhanced by the Springfield Tire Yard Fire burning below.

 [End of Act Three]

 [Closing credits is performed by a marching band.]

 [The Gracie Films logo is also performed by the band.  When the woman
  puts her finger to her lips, instead of ``Shhh...'' a whistle blows.]

 [The Twentieth Century Fox fanfare is unchanged.]
   Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
   in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
   remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
   the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the

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