[1F03] Marge on the Lam

Marge on the Lam                                     Written by Bill Canterbury
                                                      Directed by Mark Kirkland
Production code: 1F03                        Original airdate in N.A.: 5-Nov-93
                                                  Capsule revision J, 21-Jul-96

Title sequence

Blackboard :- None due to shortened intro.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- The family run towards the couch and crash through the
              backdrop which is painted to look like the living room.
              Their outlines are left in the backdrop.

Did you notice...

    ... the pledges received total $0,000,023.58?
    ... Homer sports a "No Fat Chicks" T-shirt?
    ... Otto wears his walkman inside the dance club?
    ... Brockman incorrectly calls the last book of the bible
        "Revelations" instead of "Revelation"?

Tony Hill:
    ... Homer calls Marge "Marjorie"?
    ... there are Military Police present when Homer is getting

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... when everyone run through the wall in the couch, everyone's hair
        made holes too (even Homer's)?
    ... Homer doesn't ask Lenny or Carl for change?
    ... Burns has a heart-shaped carpet and was playing girlie music?
    ... the animation when Bart says "We don't need a babysitter" was
        obviously recycled from an earlier season?
    ... Otto recognizes Marge right off?
    ... Ruth keeps a _loaded_ gun on her person?
    ... Chief Wiggum drinks gas?  (Assuming that's what moonshine is.)
    ... the freak Homer imagines has the pearls on its antennae and the
        hair as a beard?
    ... the hairs on Hutz's chest?
    ... everyone leaves Seething Sisters when the police siren was
    ... Hutz carries a knife on him?
    ... Hutz passes himself off as a doctor?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Barney, Willy, Quimby)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, woman at truck stop, Kearney)
    - Yeardly Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Edward, Pope, Carl, rescue worker, redneck, Moe, man
      with antique cans, Wiggum, cook, truck stop owner)
    - Harry Shearer (story reader at telethon, army doctor, Lenny,
      Burns, Smithers, rescue worker, Flanders, Otto, dispatcher, Kent
- Special Guest Voice
    - George Fenneman (Narrator)
    - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz)
    - Pamela Reed (Ruth, waitress at truck stop)
- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden (punk woman, woman at truck stop)
    - Maggie Roswell (woman drinking coffee, woman getting legs shaved,
      woman at truck stop)
    - Russi Taylor (librarian, woman at truck stop)

Movie (and other) references

  + Garrison Keillor, "A Prairie Home Companion"
    - man reading at telethon
  + Edward the Confessor
    - "Edward the Penitent", the award-winning show
  + Crystal Pepsi
    - "Crystal Buzz Cola"
    "The Muppet Show" {ar}
    - Burns and Smithers in the opera box
  + "Thelma and Louise"
    - blue convertible
    - much of plot
  + Ted Kennedy/William Kennedy Smith
    - Quimby partying with his nephews
  + "Cheers"
    - Homer: "...you gotta go where everybody knows your name."
  + Hollywood
    - "SPRINGFIELD" letters on hill
  + "Dragnet"
    - sentences of characters read at end
    - music at beginning of credits
    - badge behind credits

Previous episode references

- [7F06] Milhouse: "Let's get outta here!"  (cf. Lenny in 1F03) {th}
- [7F10] Marge's brain {rl}
- [7F11], [8F16], [8F23] Unreturned Flanders stuff {rl}
- [8F08], [9F19] The big "SPRINGFIELD" sign a la "HOLLYWOOD" appears
- [8F11] "Stick it to the man!"  {rl}
- [9F04] Technical Difficulties, with same song {rl}
- [9F06] Mrs. Ruth Powers is Laura's mother {rl}
- [9F07] The whipping sound is made {rl}
- [9F10] Homer: "Like a giant billboard that says 'No fat chicks'?"
  (cf. T-shirt in 1F03) {jt}
- [9F20] "Bartina" (cf. "Homina" in 1F03)
- [1F04] Space alien's strangled "Doh-ho-ho" sound (same as Edward the

Freeze frame fun

- Sign outside gymnasium:
     Springfield High School
   Tonight: Professional Ballet
 Tomorrow: Closed to fix gas leak
- Names of clubs, etc.:
    - Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop
    - Shot Kickers ("o" burned out)
    - The Hate Box
    - The Seething Sisters
- Magazines at the Kwik-E-Mart: {rc}
    - "Modern Bride"
    - "Jet" with Bleeding Gums Murphy on the cover
        - Garrett Morris' birthday notice inside
- Sign on highway:
   Entering Badlands
   High Speed Chases
   Use Diamond Lane
- Lionel Hutz tossed into the fire: {ddg}
    - dollar bills
    - a pair of socks
    - a dress shirt
- When Brockman goes off the air: {rc}
    - "Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By"
    - Brockman in straight jacket w/ cuckoo coming from forehead
- Badge behind credits: {rc}
    - Badge number 318
    - Logo is police HQ with flanking nuclear cooling towers

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

In Homer's vision of Maggie's wedding, how did Homer manage to get the
coat of his suit on if he couldn't get his arms free to stick them in
the sleeves?  {ddg}

"Are you holding onto the can?" doesn't explain why Homer was stuck in
the candy machine, as he should have been able to just pull the candy
out.  {ddg}

After Ruth and Marge shoot the cans, there are four cans seen in front
of the fence; certainly the cans would have been knocked behind the
fence when shot (and where's the fifth can?).  {ddg}

Marge's hair is shorter than usual in the "date behind the Springfield
sign" scene; in "The Way We Was", when she put her hair up for the first
time, it was pretty much as tall as it is "today".

Each of the three handfulls of stuff Lionel Hutz tosses into the fire
contain the same things.

Where did Wiggum and Homer get the eggs?

When Ruth and Marge are heading for the State Line, they head back in
the direction from which they just came (otherwise, how did they pass
Homer and Wiggum facing the opposite direction?); also, how did all of
those police cars end up between Marge and the state line two miles
away?  (Of course, this assumes the sign "STATE LINE 2 MILES" refers to
an actual state border and not just some place called "State Line"
located in the middle of the state.  Besides, I was told once that if
the police are in pursuit, they can legally make an arrest anywhere in
the country.)  {ddg}

The police car doesn't start falling until it is well over the chasm and
has stopped forward motion.  {ddg}

The front door keeps changing places: {ag}

- Ruth comes over to borrow the sander, and the front door has a window
  in it (with 2 bars), and the hinges are on the RIGHT side.
- In the next appearance of the front door, there's no window, and the
  hinges are on the left side.
- In the next appearance, there's no window, and the hinges are on the
  right side again.


Peter Stein: All in all, this ep. was OK.  Not as good as "Rosebud," but
    tons better than "Homer Goes To College."  Highlights IMHO were the
    SH T KICKERS bar, the truth behind Homer's hair loss (plus giddiness
    and loss of equilibrium!), Chief Wiggum losing Marge and Ruth in the
    Badlands, and the Seething Sisters Bar.

Andrew Ross: I think I see the pattern emerging for this season.  They
    take one major cultural reference each week and try to make an
    episode around it.  So far, we've had the Beatles, Cape Fear, 70s
    college party movies, Citizen Kane, and now Thelma and Louise.  Not
    that there's necessarily anything *wrong* with this, but anyone who
    hasn't seen a particular movie may end up scratching his [or her -
    ed] head throughout the episode.  This one was neither magnificent
    nor bad, but just generically *good*.

Ron Carter: I am probably one of the few people in the world that has
    not seen "Thelma and Louise" and I still liked this episode.  Not
    all that many solid ref jokes, but still funny.  The Homer not
    letting go of the pop can was a little too predictable, but loved
    the running "Sunshine, Lollipops..." gag.  Some continuity loss
    makes it a B+.

Joey Berner: A strange one!  I liked it, there were some good gags (but
    nothing that really had me rolling) The first and second acts were a
    lot stronger than the third.  They seemed to run out of steam, and
    said, "Hey, let's just mock the movie for the rest of this!"  And if
    you didn't see the movie, how funny was this one to you?  (I did see
    it) I guess my grade for this one would probably be a "B".

Carl Frank: Never saw the movie (but knew the premise), and still
    thought that 1F03 was very good.  Highlights were the Public
    TV/Garrison Keillor reference in the beginning -- which had me
    wondering why all TV was not this funny -- the Quimby/Ted Kennedy
    line; the "Sister's" bar (and the kid who spoiled it); and the very
    end -- "oh.  .  .this must have have been pizza."  [...] Rating:

Jeff Briskin: The writing was flat, the story uninspiring, the pacing
    glacial, the jokes stale.  The whole thing seemed totally forced,
    predictable, "UnSimpsonesque."  I never thought there could be such
    a thing as a worthless 'Simpsons' episode, but last night's, IMHO,
    was the first, and hopefully, the last.

Tony Hill: This was a very funny episode, especially the Wiggum lines.
    The only problem seems to be that it's very fractured, lacking a
    strong subplot.  Even though it's a Marge & Homer episode, Bart and
    Lisa each get in their share of funny lines.  I give it a solid B.

Yours truly: I liked it.  A little contrived in parts: Lionel Hutz the
    babysitter, Homer meeting Wiggum near the sign.  Loved Bart calling
    Homer "Homina" and Homer speaking in a falsetto afterwards.  Fade to
    white when Wiggum drives over the cliff was great, too (straight
    from Thelma and Louise).  I give the episode a B rating.

Comments and other observations

The Garrison Keillor spoof

Warren Anderson observes, "The caricature was done quite well, with a
    couple of exceptions.  The most notable is that he does not read his
    monologues for his show (at least when I've seen him).  He seems to
    make a point of doing them impromptu, although he obviously has them
    well thought-out in his head.  In fact, his standard monologue
    position seems to be sitting on a stool, hunched over facing the
    ground, with his eyes tightly shut.  The dress was exactly
    right--black pants, suspenders, bow tie.  However, the few times
    I've seen him, he was wearing a red bow tie and red socks.  I can't
    believe they missed this!  The imitation of the delivery and voice
    were excellent.  They even got his audible exhaling into the

The skeletal arm holding the Fresca can

Tony Hill says that this was "one of OFF's few brand-name refs.  Does
    this mean that Buzz Cola is a Coke product?  [...] Fresca was
    discontinued about 15 years ago and has not yet been re-introduced
    nationally, providing corroboration for the plant workers' legend.
    (It was always a blue can in the old days too.)

"I'm under the sun...now!"

Charles Don Hall notes, "Wiggum did a very good job of pinpointing his
    position.  Assume that he said "Now!" in the second that the sun
    passed overhead.  Since the Earth's circumference is about 20,000
    miles, and there are 80,000 seconds in a day, knowing the second
    allows the police dispatcher to calculate his latitude to within
    about 1/4 mile.  The Sun's apparent north-south motion is even
    slower, so his longitude could be calculated to even greater

Music in this episode

Some of the music in this episode included:

    - "Entry of the Gladiators" by Julus Fucik at the circus [so that's
      what it's called!  Thanks, Isaac J. Prastein - ed]
    - "Waltz of the Flowers" as Homer looked at the ballet magazine
    - "Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet" at the ballet
    - Lesley Gore's "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows"
    - Guns and Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle"
    - "Dragnet" theme at the end

More gender-benders

Andrew Ross notes of this episode, "Plenty of gender-benders for
    homersexuals: he thinks a makeover would be fun; wants to have his
    own girl's night out; he wants to hold Chief Wiggum (who wants to
    hold him back; is this going to be the next Burns/Smithers running
    gag?)  And speaking of Wiggum, what do you suppose was his mishap
    with the nonfemale inflatable doll?  Not to mention Smithers' desire
    for a little mincing at the ballet...aren't they kinda overdoing
    this gag?"  Let us not forget Patty dismissing ballet as "girls'

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Ricardo Lafaurie and Frederic Briere.]

The Simpsons watch a telethon.

  Man: [quietly] Well, sir, it has been an uneventful week in Badger
       Falls...where the women are robust, the men are pink-cheeked, and
       the children are pink-cheeked and robust.
        [Audience laughs loudly]
Homer: What the hell's so funny?
  Man: At the Apple Biscuit cafe, where the smiles are free, don't you
       know, Sven Inqvist studied the menu, and finally he ordered the
       same thing he has every day.
        [Audience laughs and applauds]
 Bart: Maybe it's the TV.
Homer: Stupid TV.  [Hits it] Be more funny!
-- TV: object of aggression, "Marge on the Lam"

The man reading the story passes control over to Troy McClure, reasoning
that he can't keep up his pace forever.

  Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure.  You might remember me from such telethons
        as "Out With Gout '88" and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House."
        Folks, do you realize without your support, public television
        can't afford to bring you such award-winning shows as "Edward
        the Penitent"?
         [Cut to clip]
Edward: [kissing the papal ring] I'm really, really, _really_ sorry --
  Pope: I'm afraid "sorry" doesn't cut it with this pope!
-- Eleven "Tony"-winning shows, "Marge on the Lam"

A phone on a table near Troy begins to ring.

 Troy: What the hell -- Oh!  We got a call.
Homer: Ha ha!  Some idiot actually called in.
 Troy: Hello?  What's your name?
Marge: Marge Simpson.
Homer: Aah!
-- My wife's an idiot!, "Marge on the Lam"

Marge generously pledges thirty dollars, then thanks Troy before hanging

Marge, it's public TV!  They never have anything good.  Where are the
Geraldos?  Where are the Ewbankses-es?
-- Homer objects to Marge pledging money, "Marge on the Lam"

But Marge stands by her decision.

Marge: [of public TV] They need our support!  Besides, they gave me two
       tickets to the ballet.
Homer: [jubilant] Ballet?  Woo-hoo!
Marge: [incredulous] You like ballet?
Homer: Marjorie, _please_.  I enjoy _all_ the meats of our cultural
-- Particularly the snouts and entrails, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer imagines himself at the "ballet": he sits in the front row at the
circus watching a bear with a hat driving a cart around the ring while
Homer sings along with the calliope.  He continues to sing while Marge
watches him with a worried look.

Just then, the doorbell rings.  Marge opens the door to discover Ruth
Powers, the next door neighbor.  Ruth wants to borrow a power-sander,
but when Marge refers the question to Homer, he dismisses it: "Nope!"
Yet his feet are resting on one as it chews into the carpet.  When Marge
points this out, Homer acquiesces, but warns, "Remember: it's mine,"
even though it has a sign on it saying "Property of Ned Flanders."

In the kitchen, Marge shows Homer a magazine with pictures of ballet
dancers in it.

 Homer: _That's_ what ballet is?  [whining] Oh --
 Marge: You promised!  You can't back out like when you volunteered for
        that Army experiment to avoid dinner at my sisters'.
Doctor: Mr. Simpson, you _do_ realize this may result in hair loss,
        giddiness, and the loss of equilibrium?
 Homer: Yeah, yeah, just give me the serum.
         [Doctor injects him]
         [Back to the present]
 Homer: Heh heh, it was worth it.
         [Homer falls out of his chair]
         [giddily] Tee hee hee!  Hee hee hee hee --
-- A tangled web, "Marge on the Lam"

At the Power Plant, Homer walks alongside Carl and Lenny.

 Carl: Hey Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?
Homer: [sneering] I can't.  I gotta take my wife to the ballet.
Lenny: Heh.  You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?
-- People unclear on the concept, "Marge on the Lam"

They walk past a vending machine advertising Crystal Buzz Cola.  "Mmm,"
Homer says, "invisible cola."  When he turns out his pockets, he finds
no change, so he decides it's time to stick it to the man.  As he
reaches up the slot, Carl warns him that someone lost an arm doing the
same thing, but Homer passes it off as an old wives' tale.  Inside the
machine, we see the skeletal remains of another arm with the hand still
clutching a Fresca can.

       [Homer reaches inside a pop machine, grunting]
Homer: Just...a little more...argh...got it!  [realizing] Aah!  I'm
       stuck.  Help me!
 Carl: He's done for!
Lenny: Let's get out of here!
        [They run off screaming]
Homer: [dragging the machine behind him] Must...get to ballet...
-- A man with a mission, "Marge on the Lam"

But Homer can only drag the machine so far.

Hello?  Can I get some help?  Snack-related mishap!
-- Homer with his arm stuck in a vending machine, "Marge on the Lam"

The plant is deserted, and Homer settles down, dejected.  Fortunately,
he has chosen a spot next to a candy vending machine to rest.  "Mmm,

Marge sits on the couch, dressed up, waiting for Homer to get home.  The
phone rings, and when she answers it, Homer pleads, "Marge, this may be
hard to believe, but I'm trapped inside two vending
machines..." Marge doesn't believe it, and hangs up.  She offers the
tickets to Patty and Selma, but the ballet is dismissed with a snort as
"girls' stuff".

The doorbell rings, and it's Ruth again.  She returns the sander.

Thanks, Marge.  When my husband left, he took all our power tools along
with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind.
-- Ruth Powers on divorce, "Marge on the Lam"

Marge offers one of the tickets to Ruth, and she accepts.  So the two
drive off to the gymnasium to watch the ballet.  At center-court, a man
and a woman dance.

    Ruth: Vayachipa's loins ought to be outlawed.
   Marge: [snickers]
   Burns: Bah!  Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!
Smithers: A little mincing would be nice...
-- At the ballet, "Marge on the Lam"

The man throws the woman into the air, and the audience gasps.  But she
catches onto the rim of the basket and shatters the backboard -- all
slowly and gracefully, of course.  The buzzer sounds to end the
production, and the audience applauds politely.

Marge: Well, thank you for a lovely time.
 Ruth: You're not going home already, are you?
Marge: Well, it's almost 9:30.
-- Lights out by 10:00, "Marge on the Lam"

{Meanwhile, Homer, still slumped between the vending machines, laments
his predicament.  Rescue workers have tied the area off with yellow
"Police Line" tape.  "I'm gonna have these things on my arms forever,"
he moans, imagining himself at Maggie's wedding as the father of the
bride on stage, tossing free candy and sodas to everyone from the
vending machines still attached to his shoulders.  "Mmm, convenient."}

It's come down to brass tacks for the rescue workers.

  Man: Homer, this...this is never easy to say.  I'm going to have to
       saw your arms off.  [brandishes a buzzsaw]
Homer: [plaintive] They'll grow back, right?
  Man: Oh, er, yeah.
Homer: Whew!
-- He failed anatomy, I guess, "Marge on the Lam"

Just as the man is about to being cutting, another man asks Homer if
he's just holding on to the can.  "Your point being?" queries Homer.  In
the next shot, he slinks away from the plant and the derisive laughter
of the rescue workers, his arms free at last.

Ruth and Marge sit in the "Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop" sipping coffee.

 Ruth: [sighs] I envy you and Homer.
Marge: Thank you.  [realizing] Why?
 Ruth: If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand.  All he ever did
       was eat, sleep, and drink beer.
Marge: Your point being?
-- "Marge on the Lam"

  Ruth: [about her ex-husband] To top it off, he's been stiffing me on
        child support for the last four months.
 Marge: Hmm.  Well, you _were_ unlucky.  But there _are_ a lot of good
        men out there.
Barney: Hey!  [to waiter] Can I throw up in your bathroom?  I'll buy
        somethin' --
-- "Marge on the Lam"

When Marge arrives home, Homer tries to explain what happened.

Homer: Marge, I know you didn't believe me about the vending machines.
       That's why I had the firemen write me a note.
Marge: [reads] "Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a
       lumberyard burned down."
Homer: D'oh!  [sadly] Lumber has a million uses.
-- Even worse, "Marge on the Lam"

Marge: I'm disappointed in you.  But it turns out I had a wonderful time
       with Ruth Powers.  In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.
Homer: Marge, that's twice.  I think you're spending entirely too much
       time with this woman.
Marge: Homer, please.  You know it's hard for me to make friends.
       {[Flashback to Marge and three women drinking coffee in the
       living room]}
Woman: {Heh heh.  Oh, Marge, we should do this every Thursday.
        [Homer walks in wearing a "No Fat Chicks" T-shirt and Hawaiian
Homer: {Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk.  Oh, look!  It's doing it
-- Respect thy wife, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer: Marge, you can't go out on Saturday!  That's our special night.
Marge: What's so special about it?
Homer: What's so -- [sarcastic] Oh, I don't know.  A little show called
       "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman"?
-- Starring Vanna White, "Marge on the Lam"

When Saturday night arrives, Homer watches Marge putting on lipstick.

Homer: Where are you going?
Marge: I don't know.
Homer: When will you be home?
Marge: I'm not sure.
Homer: Where are you going?
Marge: You already asked me that.
-- The long-term effects of TV-watching, "Marge on the Lam"

A horn honks outside the house, and Marge kisses Homer goodbye
instructing him not to wait up.  Homer walks to the front door and
brings the kids with him.

Homer: How can you do this, Marge?  How can you desert your children?
 Lisa: Have a blast, Mom.
 Bart: Rock the Casbah!
Homer: [sneering at Bart] "Man's best friend," indeed.
-- "Marge on the Lam"

Marge is surprised to see Ruth sitting in a blue convertible.  She gets

Marge: You look...nice.
 Ruth: Tonight has nothing to do with "nice".  Tonight's all about --
        [She puts in a tape: "Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows" --]
       Oh, sorry Marge.  Wrong tape.
        ["Welcome to the jungle!  We got fun and games..."]
-- The jungle that is...Springfield, "Marge on the Lam"

She slams the gas pedal down, and Marge's frightened scream trails off
into the night just ahead of a cloud of dust.

[End of Act One.  Time: 8:12]

Homer still can't get over Marge's leaving.

Homer: I can't believe your mother went out to have fun without me.
 Bart: Don't worry.  You'll feel better once we put your hair up in
       curlers and give you a makeover, [slyly] Homina.
Homer: [falsetto] Oh, that would be delightful --
        [realizing] Quiet, boy!
-- "Marge on the Lam"

Homer: There's nothing to feel ashamed of here.  Women have a right to a
       night out, right, Lisa?
 Lisa: Sure, dad.  [makes a whipping sound]
-- Ball and chain, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer decides to forget the whole thing.

   Homer: That's it!  I'm calling my buddies.  Marge is not the only one
          who can have a girls' night out.  [dials the phone]
   Lenny: Oh, no can do, Homer.  I'm watching the game.
           [Shaves a woman's legs]
   Woman: Shave up, not down, you idiot!
   Burns: Ooh, sounds delish!  Let me just toss some jeans on and --
          wait a minute!  Who is this?
Flanders: Howdily-doodily-do!
           [Homer hangs up]
          Hello?  Y'ello!  Hellodily-odily!
-- Maybe some other night, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer hasn't given up yet.

Homer: Fine.  I can have a great time all by myself.
 Lisa: Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a
Homer: Oh, Lisa.  Haven't you seen "Home Alone"?  If some burglars come,
       it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation.
 Bart: You're absolutely right, Homer.  We don't need a babysitter!
Homer: [suspicious] Wait a second...
        [Pulls a paper from his pocket: "Always do the opposite of what
       Bart says"] Hmm...you kids _do_ need a babysitter!
 Bart: Blast that infernal card!  [to Homer] _Don't_ give that card to
Homer: Here you g -- [pulls back] No!
-- Just before Homer leaves, "Marge on the Lam"

The doorbell rings, and Homer answers it.

 Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I
       couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter.  Of course,
       being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two
       popsicles out of the freezer.
 Hutz: Three.
Homer: Two.
 Hutz: OK, two.  And I get to keep this old bird cage.
Homer: Done!
 Hutz: [proudly] Still got it.
-- "Marge on the Lam"

Marge and Ruth head off to a bar called "Shot Kickers", where,
predictably, the "o" is burned out.  Inside, Marge joins in a country
line dance.  {The first shot inside the bar is shortened by a second in
syndication.}  Willy rides the mechanical bull.  After the dance, Marge
is approached by a largish man.

Cowboy: Hey, baby!  Feel like gettin' lucky?
 Marge: I _am_ lucky.  I have a husband and three wonderful children.
        Thank you very much.
Cowboy: {[threatening] Listen, baby, I _always_ get what I want.}
 Marge: {[indignant] I said no!}
Cowboy: {Oh, did you?  Oh, I completely misunderstood.  Please accept
        our apologies.}
-- A true redneck gentleman, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer has decided to head to Moe's.

Homer: Sometimes, you gotta go where everybody knows your name.
        [walks into Moe's] Hey guys!
        [No one answers; the fan squeaks]
       Moe, get the darts.  I want to play.
  Moe: No.  We're phasing out the games; people drink less when they're
       having fun.
-- Cause and effect, "Marge on the Lam"

{At the Simpson house, Bart and Lisa watch "LA Law" with Lionel Hutz.}

{Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries.
Look at him!  He's wearing a belt.
 [wistfully] That's Hollywood for ya.}
-- Lionel Hutz on "LA Law", "Marge on the Lam"

{The next stop for the ladies is an underground club, "The Hate Box".
The clientele seems to be mostly punk rockers and weirdos.  Inside, a
punk woman with a purple mohawk asks Marge, "Don't you think your hair's
a bit much?"  Otto greets Marge as well.}

Otto: {Hey, Mrs. Simpson!  You should try one of these "Smart Drinks."
       [laughs and drinks it]
      Ooh, wow...I've wasted my life!}
-- Otto, realization dawning, "Marge on the Lam"

{Diamond Joe Quimby is also at the club -- with no shirt on, and paint
blotches on his body.}

Quimby: {Would you, er, like to dance?}
 Marge: {Mayor Quimby!  What are you doing here!}
Quimby: {I'm, er, here with my nephews.}
-- Remind you of anyone?, "Marge on the Lam"

{Homer is in the Kwik-E-Mart, and he notices a "Jet" magazine.  He's
delighted to discover it's Garrett Morris' birthday, but Apu kicks him
out, curtly informing him, "This is not a library."  At the library, the
librarian does the same thing, informing him, "This is not a Kwik-E-

Meanwhile, the two women have stopped the car in a field.

Marge: What was it you wanted to show me?
 Ruth: This.  [pulls a gun]
Marge: [gasps] You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you?
-- No, for meat, "Marge on the Lam"

Ruth tells her to relax.  "I'd never turn a gun on a human being.  My
husband, on the other hand --" She pulls the trigger a few times, aiming
for (and hitting) a set of old cans perched on a fence.  She offers the
gun to Marge, who refuses at first, but then takes it and fires it,
hitting one of the remaining cans.  "I hit it!  I hit i!" she exclaims,
but a man appears, mourning, "My cans!  My precious antique cans!"

Ruth suggests they turn in, but Marge insists, "It's only midnight.
Come on!  I know a place."  They go to a hill where the word
"SPRINGFIELD" is spelled in giant letters.  They gaze down at the lights
of the city below.

Marge: Beautiful, huh?  Homer and I used to come up here on dates.
        [Flashback to said date, where Homer brandishes a thick stick]
       Homer, stop that!  It's just a weather station.
Homer: Come on, Marge!  It's fun to smash things.  [hits it] Heh heh, I
       smashed it good!  [laughs some more]
        [to Marge] You got real purty hair...
-- A hopeless romantic, "Marge on the Lam"

Ruth confesses, "Of all the places we've been tonight, I think I like
this one the best," and Marge concurs.

 Ruth: [pointing] Look, you can see our houses.
Marge: Hmm.  There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney.
 Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
 Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists.  Say hello to
       Miguel Sanchez!
-- Lawyers can change legal names easily, "Marge on the Lam"

Marge: Maybe we should call it a night.
 Ruth: OK.  I _should_ get home to my daughter before that naked talk
       show comes on.
-- The one with bacon on the beach?, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer happens by as the two drive off, and he sighs, "Ah: young love."

 Homer: The old make-out place.  Hey, a new weather station!  I'll bash
        it good!  [sighs] Oh, it's just no fun without Marge.
Wiggum: Ah, there's nothing like moonshine from your own still.
        [notices Homer] Oh, Simpson!  [tosses the moonshine] What are
        you doing here?
 Homer: [bitter] My wife is having a girls' night out.
Wiggum: Aw, just get one of those inflatable women.  But make sure it's
        a woman, though, because one time I...heh.
-- Another story not suitable for children, "Marge on the Lam"

Wiggum offers Homer a ride home.  On the road, Wiggum pulls slowly up
behind a blue convertible.  "Hmph.  Their left taillight's a little
smaller than their right one.  I better pull 'em over," he says, turning
on the siren and the flashing lights.

In the blue convertible, Marge sees the police car and says, "I think
they want us to stop."  But Ruth is unwilling because the convertible is
stolen.  So she guns it, speeding ahead of the pursuing cop.  "Looks
like we got ourselves an old-fashioned car chase," grins Wiggum, putting
in a tape and singing along.  "Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows:
everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together.
Brighter than a lucky penny; when you're near the rainclouds disappear
and I feel fine..." Homer joins in the singing.

[End of Act Two.  Time: 14:25]

Wiggum is still in hot pursuit.

Marge: Ruth, is there something you want to tell me?
 Ruth: Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child
Marge: Uh huh.
 Ruth: Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car.
Marge: Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the
 Ruth: Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had.
-- Small consolation, "Marge on the Lam"

Wiggum: We're in pursuit of two female suspects.  One is wearing a green
        dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair.
 Homer: A lot of blue hair?  Hee hee -- what a freak!
-- A freak that _you_ found her, "Marge on the Lam"

But Homer figures it out...

 Homer: ...it's Marge!  She's become a crazed criminal just because I
        didn't take her to the ballet.
Wiggum: That's _exactly_ how Dillinger got started.
 Homer: [interested] Really?
-- You learn something new every day, "Marge on the Lam"

Marge tries to make Ruth see reason.

Marge: I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give
       yourself up.
 Ruth: Marge, it's a matter of principle.  I just can't let that
       deadbeat win again.  You're with me, aren'tcha?
Marge: [thinking] I should say something reassuring and noncommittal.
       [spoken] Hmm.
-- Reassuring..._and_ noncommittal, "Marge on the Lam"

Ruth wants to be reasonable.

  Ruth: Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this.
        Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out.
 Marge: Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose.  These are
        professional lawmen, and --
         [Ruth turns the car's lights off]
Wiggum: Oh my God!  It just disappeared.  It's a ghost-car!  [slams on
        the brakes]
        There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know.
 Homer: [timid] Hold me.
Wiggum: [conciliatory] Only if you hold me.
-- You first, "Marge on the Lam"

A coyote howls, and the two men hold one another, quivering.

Ruth lets Marge off at a truck stop, "The Seething Sisters".

Marge: [uncertain] Well, goodbye.
 Ruth: I'm...sorry about all this.  But you gotta admit, we _did_ have
       some fun.
Marge: Yeah...everything before the high-speed chase was just lovely.
-- "Marge on the Lam"

Ruth assures her, "You're a good friend, Marge," as Marge enters the
building.  Once inside, Marge is about to dial a cab, but she overhears
some women talking.

 Woman 1: [to Woman 2] This cross-country flight from the law would be
          hell if we didn't stick together.
 Woman 2: Hey: friends _stick_ together.
 Woman 3: [to Woman 4] It's amazing how through all this adversity, we
          managed to stick together.
 Woman 4: If there's _one thing_ decent folk do, it's stick together.
Waitress: I hate it when the waffles stick together.
    Cook: Stickin' together is what good waffles do.
-- Philsophy in a truck stop, "Marge on the Lam"

Ruth is getting the car gassed up, but before she can leave, Marge
rejoins her.  "Marge!  What are you doing?"  Marge begins to explain how
she considers Ruth a friend, "and an important part of friendship is --"
But before she can say "sticking together", Ruth speeds away with her as
the sirens grow louder.

(The siren is actually Kearney on a bicycle with a siren strapped to his
head.  The owner reprimands him for driving away all the business, but
Kearney is unmindful: "See you tomorrow, loser.")

Homer and Wiggum are making breakfast on the cop car's engine.

Wiggum: Mmm, engine-block eggs.  If we can keep these down, we'll be
        sitting pretty.
         [Marge and Ruth whiz by]
 Homer: That's them!
Wiggum: Quiet!  I can't hear the eggs.
-- Wiggum the epicure, "Marge on the Lam"

Back at home, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are asleep.  Bart is the first to

Bart: Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.
Lisa: Don't worry, Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.  [taps
Hutz: [wakes up, clears his throat] Don't touch my stuff!  [holds a
      Hey, this isn't the YMCA...
-- Survival of the fittest, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer and Wiggum have finished breakfast and are back on the road.

  Wiggum: Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the
          rebelling women.
Dispatch: All right, your current location?
  Wiggum: Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road.  Uh, looks to be asphalt...oh,
          geez, trees, shrubs...er, I'm directly under the earth's
-- No need for GPS satellites, "Marge on the Lam"

Bart and Lisa are watching TV, but their program is interrupted for a
special bulletin.  Kent Brockman appears on the screen.

Kent: We've just received word of a high-speed desert chase.  The
      suspects have been identified as Ruth Powers and Marge Simpson of
Bart: Cool!
Lisa: I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the
      shackles of our male oppressors.
Bart: Ehh, shut your yap.
-- Bart Simpson, Male Oppressor, "Marge on the Lam"

Brockman continues.

At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt
with in a harsh and brutal fashion.  Otherwise, their behavior could
incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions.  [Pause]
It's in "Revelations", people!
-- Kent Brockman thumps the bible, "Marge on the Lam"

Suddenly Brockman is cut off, and a still shot of Brockman with the
words, "Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By", appears on the screen.

Ruth and Marge, meanwhile, are only two miles from the state line.  Ruth
is convinced they're going to make it, but a whole lot of police cars
appear, driving rapidly over the hill in front of them.  "My God!  That
must every policeman in Springfield," Marge opines.

 Ruth: I give up.  A single mother can't win in a man's world.
Marge: Ruth, that's a lot of hooey.  It's not over 'till it's over.
        [Grabs the steering wheel, making the car veer off the road]
       I'm sorry, I should have asked first.
-- Always considerate, "Marge on the Lam"

Ruth is inspired by Marge's courage: "We really are going to make it
now!"  But Wiggum and Homer realize something.

Wiggum: Oh, no!  They're headed right for the Grand Chasm!
 Homer: Oh my God!  They're going to drive right into it just to teach
        us men a lesson.  And it's all my fault!
-- A heavy burden, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer grabs a bullhorn and leans out the window of the speeding police

Homer: [into bullhorn] Marge, Marge!
Marge: Homer?
Homer: Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband.  I'm sorry
       about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub.  I'm sorry I
       used your wedding dress to wax the car.  And I'm sorry -- oh
       well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this
Marge: [to Ruth] You're right: I _am_ lucky to have him.
-- Stand by your man, "Marge on the Lam"

Homer begs Marge not to drive into the chasm.  "Chasm?!"  Ruth and Marge
cry together.  Ruth slams on the brakes, halting the car just before it
tumbles over the precipice.  Homer and Wiggum, on the other hand, aren't
able to stop in time.  Fortunately, the nose of the car lands vertically
in a big pile of garbage.

Wiggum: Hah!  And to think those idiot environmentalists were protesting
        this landfill!
 Homer: It's solid waste...I could kiss you!
         [kisses it] Ew...
         [kisses it] Ooh...
         [kisses it] Argh!
         [kisses it] Ooh...I think _this_ was pizza.
-- With bile topping, perhaps, "Marge on the Lam"

A narrator explains the fate of the main characters.

Narrator: Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court.  The
          judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced
          him to pay all back child support.  Mr. Powers blamed the
          outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz.
          Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sanchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was
          paid eight dollars for his thirty-two hours of babysitting.
          He was glad to get it.
          Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code
          section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans.
          She was ordered to pay fifty cents to replace the cans, and
          $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish.
          Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States
          Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland,
          for extensive testing.
   Homer: Woo-hoo!
-- The fates of the principal characters, "Marge on the Lam"

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:07]

The closing credits appear over a police badge, and the theme music is
march-like, with a rhythmic bass line and lots of trumpets.


   {ag}  Andy Gough
   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {ar}  Andrew Ross
This episode summary is Copyright 1996 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)