[2F10] And Maggie Makes Three

And Maggie Makes Three                           Written by Jennifer Crittenden
                                               Directed by Swinton O. Scott III
Production code: 2F10                       Original airdate in N.A.: 22-Jan-95
                                                  Capsule revision H, 22-Feb-97

Title sequence

Blackboard :- "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
              "Bagman" is not a leg/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- The living room is seen through the barrel of a gun.
              Homer walks on, the gun trained on him, and he turns and
              fires.  The scene turns red starting at the top, as if
              being covered with blood.

Did you notice...

    ... Patty dials 356756 when she calls A. Aaronson?
    ... the photos of Maggie cover up all of the plaque except "Do it
        for her"?

Tony Hill:
    ... Bart sleeps in various positions?
    ... Smithers personally delivers paychecks?
    ... Homer burns bridges -- literally?
    ... it's 5pm when Homer got his new job?
    ... the annelids on the beach?
    ... Maggie is born at 4:00?

Aaron Varhola:
    ... the "Time Waster" video game in the bowling alley?

Don Del Grande:
    ... this is the first couch gag that did not have all five Simpsons?
    ... eight-year-old Bart and six-year-old Lisa look and sound just
        like they do at ten and eight?
    ... Homer has a lot more sperm now than at his plant physical in
    ... Homer prays "Dear Lord, _the gods_ have been good to me"?
    ... Homer has three hairs in the "past" scenes, until he pulls the
        middle one out when he discovers Marge is pregnant?
    ... the plaque says "DON'T FORGET: YOU'RE HERE FOREVER."  - now
        that's job security!

Dave Hall:
    ... the bad guys take off without starting their motorcycles?
    ... Lisa actually likes Knightboat?
    ... Lisa is impressed with the illusion of two TVs?
    ... the family photo album is kept in the end table?
    ... baby Bart rides SBI buck naked?
    ... baby Bart has a light blue baggie?
    ... Burns is tied up with Carl and Lenny in Homer's fantasy
    ... Carl and Lenny don't bother to get upwind from Homer's armpits?
    ... the books on Burns' desk face away from him?
    ... Homer wears his normal shoes on the bowling lanes?
    ... Barney's shirt is monogrammed?
    ... Barney wears mismatched shoes?
    ... Homer's little jig when he gets his dream job?
    ... Homer wears a green tie and white socks?
    ... Homer's lovemaking lasts mere seconds?
    ... Homer and his sperm both have three hair strands?
    ... Maggie looks distressed at Homer's graphic story?
    ... Jacques' green bowling ball?
    ... Dr. Hibbert rubs his nose when he lies?
    ... Marge is pregnant for six months without Homer knowing/noticing?
    ... Homer has flat feet?
    ... the Springfield Telephone Directory features SNPP on the cover?
    ... how thick the Springfield Telephone Directory is?
    ... Patty smokes more cigarettes than Selma?
    ... Homer doesn't take his car to his dream job?
    ... Homer passes Moe's Tavern without going in for a drink?
    ... the flock of birds flying in formation?
    ... Smithers isn't wearing his ID badge in some scenes?
    ... Dr. Hibbert delivers Maggie without aid?

Voice credits

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, terrorist, bowler, Quimby)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty, Selma)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Michael, Knightboat, Carl, Uncle Al, bowler, Wiggum,
      Apu, Moe, Joey)
    - Harry Shearer (Knightboat announcer, Lenny, Smithers, Burns,
      bowler, Dr. Hibbert, McAllister)
- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden (bowler)
    - Maggie Roswell (Maude Flanders, woman at application desk, nurse)

Movie (and other) references

  + "And Baby Makes Three" {rl}
    - episode title
  + the James Bond movies
    - couch scene lifted directly from the start of the old movies
  + the TV show "Knight Rider"
    - similar to "Knightboat" -- David Hasselhoff lookalike, named
      Michael, solves crimes with the help of a computerized, talking
      vehicle sounding like William Daniels
  + "From Here to Eternity" {av}
    - Homer and Marge on the beach
  + Felix the Cat {mk}
    - Homer dancing a jig upon receiving good fortune, just like Felix
  + "Look Who's Talking" {mk}
    - the adventures of Homer's sperm
  + "Die Hard" {mh}
    - the terrorist in Homer's fantasy sounds a good deal like the
      terrorist from the movie
  + Warner Brothers/Loony Tunes cartoons
    - same Carl Stalling music ("Powerhouse" by Raymond Scott {ah})
      during "where the pins go" scene
  + "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" {th}
    - Homer sings the last line of "Love is All Around", the theme from
      the show
    - tosses a bowling ball like she tosses her hat in the Nicollet Mall
      in Minneapolis
    - the show was also a James L. Brooks creation
    Animaniacs "De-Zanitized" {mk}
    - Homer tears out his hair in a similar manner in a similar manner
      to Dr. Scratchansniff
  + Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" {mk}
    - shoeshine Joey

Previous episode references

- [7F11] Jacques appears {av}
- [8F07] "Mary Tyler Moore" is references {rl}
- [8F10], [9F08] Dr. Hibbert's hairstyle changes to reflect popular
  black hair fashions: {av}
    - 8F10: 1980, mile-high Afro
    - 9F08: 1984, braids & beads
    - 2F10: 1993, high-top fade
- [8F17] A few small sacrifices are needed for OFF to pull through {dh}
- [8F23] Homer-faced sperm bumping into each other {ddg}
- [9F09] Homer is seen with reading glasses {th}
- [1F15] Homer says, "Mmm...[something] fresh"

Freeze frame fun

- Homer's SNPP calendar: {dh}
    - 15 - Dick Clark on Leno
    - 16 - Dick Clark's Birthday
    - 17 - Harass Dick Clark
    - 18 - Out of debt here
- Playing at the Aztec theater: "When Harry Met Sally" {dh}
- Guests at Marge's shower: {av}
    - Patty, Selma, Mrs. Bouvier, Ruth Powers, Maude Flanders, Mrs.
      Hibbert, Mrs. Van Houten, Mrs. Lovejoy
- Photos on Homer's wall: {ddg}
    - a "Maggie twitch" (Maggie facing one way and sucking in a
      different direction)
    - Maggie without a hair ribbon
    - Maggie praying
    - Maggie about to step on a centipede
    - Maggie without her pacifier
    - an extreme close-up of just her face
    - Maggie throwing her pacifier out of the crib
    - In every picture except the extreme close-up, Maggie is wearing
      her blue baggie
    - Five of the pictures (no hair ribbon; in front of Bart; angry;
      holding (headless) Lisa's hand; hanging from the side of her crib)
      appear on both the left side and the right side (in the same
      relative positions) of the wall with the plaque

Animation, continuity, and other goofs

Marge's timer appears out of thin air.  {dh}

Marge turns the timer the wrong way.  {th}

After Homer tries to make the timer go faster, it disappears.  {ddg}

Why doesn't Lisa remember a story only two years old?  (For the same
reason Bart doesn't, see 9F21.)  {ddg}

Maggie was already born when Homer took up his present job as Safety
Inspector.  (See episode 7G03.)  {dh}

Homer's calendar has "Dick Clark's birthday" on the 16th of some month,
but Dick Clark's birthday is November 30.  {ddg}

Burns' wastebasket appears out of thin air.  {ddg}

Homer's jacket is washed away by the tide, yet it appears in the next
scene dry when Homer picks it up.  {dh}

Homer and Marge don't make prints in the sand.  {dh}

Homer's shirt sprouts button holes.  {dh}

Conception couldn't have occurred "seconds later" as it takes a long
time for the spermatazoa to get to the fallopian tubes.  (Yes, I know it
was a premature ejaculation joke.  No flames, please.)  {th}

Homer's rag disappears.  {dh}

Moe used to wear a red apron in earlier episodes.  {dh}

It shouldn't have been dark in the house when Marge got home -- there is
still daylight outside.  {dh}

During the baby shower, it looks like the Simpson family portrait above
the fireplace has Maggie merely whited out.  {av}

Ruth Powers is at the baby shower, yet she didn't move to the
neighborhood until after Maggie was born.  {pch}

Marge's bag of groceries disappears from the hallway when the front door
blows open.  {dh}

The flashback where Marge tells Homer about Bart contradicts 8F10.

The flashback where Marge tells Homer about Lisa contradicts 9F08.

Homer runs up the stairs after hearing about Lisa, but there's a picture
of Lisa on the wall of the stairs.  {mw}

The picture of Maggie is eliminated from over the bed, but the picture
of Bart & Lisa remains over the left of the bed.  Shouldn't it be in the
middle?  {av}

There's a woman at the plant, contradicting 1F07 (where Burns is forced
to hire a woman), although 7F15 also shows a female plant worker.  {ddg}

When Marge goes into labor, there's a picture of Maggie on the wall over
her right shoulder!  {av}

Maggie sees Homer and Marge kissing and wants one as well, then she
grabs a pacifier and sucks on it - since when can newborns see, or have
the motor skills to reach and grab?  {ddg}

Homer is right-handed in this episode.  {dh}


Tony Hill: This was a superb episode!  IMO, the telephone gag was A-1.
    The self-references (can't go 1/2 hour without snack, the animation
    gag) are the kind which should be encouraged, as opposed to the less
    subtle ones in "Bart's Girlfriend."  To quote a Simpson, this
    episode was "perfectly balanced."  A+

Rod Arz: Tonight's episode was excellent, but the best was the whole bit
    with Knightboat (The crime _solving_ boat!) and Homer's "deals" with
    God.  Great episode.

Warren Hagey: Well, another hairstyle for Dr. Hibbert in a flashback
    makes this another good episode.  This one wasn't quite as good as
    'Lisa's First Word', but it was still very entertaining, and the
    different viewpoints for the storytelling were great, while Homer
    once again stole the show.  A-

Paul Pelkonen Tonight's episode pales next to the four other flashback
    episodes OFF have done...except for Dr. Hibbert's hair, there wasn't
    enough in the episode to give you a flavor of the times that they
    are describing.

Scott Fujimoto: This was one of the most laugh-free episodes for me this
    season.  Almost the jokes were either mistimed, too obvious, or just
    not funny.  OTOH, this episode had something that's been lacking
    recently, and that's a fully-developed PLOT.  Split Grade: Comedy
    Part: D+, Story Part: A

Aaron Varhola: Two weeks ago, an A episode, and now this?  The cutting
    was too fast to tell a coherent story, and (except for two gags),
    the gags seemed forced, too "Saturday Night Live"-ish.  Dumb Homer
    made an unwelcome appearance as well, but his "Awwww" fawning over
    Maggie at the end pulled it above "Fear of Flying".  C-/D+

Marc Singer: This episode was terrific, more like the character-driven
    stories of a while back.  And the 'non-sequitur' type gags were both
    funny and non-intrusive...the Bond opening, NightBoat, etc. had me
    rolling.  Dr. Hibbert had one of his best scenes (and haircuts)

Vanessa Cameron: I'm not usually one to dump on OFF, but last night's
    episode was a real disappointment.  While it must be hard for the
    writers to contain the overpowering urge to play up Maggie's mind-
    boggling cuteness, I think they went a bit overboard.  I say it's
    the tackiest episode ever.  Not a real laugh grabber either.

John J. Wood: Now that's more like it -- a rock-solid episode loaded
    with great gags and Homer: The sperm scene alone goes alongside
    Under The Sea as a season highlight, and Burns' head as a bongo
    worked great as well.

Don Del Grande: A-minus ("of course Don would like this one; it's a
    Maggie episode") - this one was loaded with gags, but there's just
    something about a "sappy ending" that spoils it.

Scott Hollifield: Did anyone notice that the general tone of the comedy
    was decidedly *different* from what we're used to?  For the first
    time, I found myself actually noticing that the writing style was
    different: something I'll do from time to time on shows like Star
    Trek, but for the Simpsons, it's a first.

Bailey Irwin: First they did a great flashback episode about Homer and
    Marge meeting; then a very good one about Bart as an infant; then a
    fairly good one about Lisa as an infant; now a truly awful one about
    Maggie as an infant.  I'm going to start a collection so the writers
    can BUY an original damn idea!  GRADE: F.

Tara Ariano: This whole season, there has been at least one continuity
    error per episode, but this one was the worst, with at least six
    that I can think of offhand.  I laugh, but then I'm ashamed to have
    been sucked in when the jokes are so weak.

Matthew Kurth: The first time I ever turned off the TV and walked away
    during an episode.  Repetitive, expository, tired, predictable, and
    a waste of potential.  Not even the superb ending could save it.

Yours truly: The episode had an odd feel to it, I assume due to the new
    writer, but the jokes were quite excellent.  Knightboat, Burns-
    bongo, Aaronson and Zykowski, Homer praying all great; Homer's
    competence at the bowling alley was refreshing.  Grade: B+.

Comments and other observations


Tony Hill explains that the song, "written by Bruce Feldman, Jack
    Sussman, and Barry Manilow was a hit for Manilow in late 1978.  Some
    people thought it was an awful song.  They were right.  That didn't
    stop Manilow from doing a TV movie based on the song.  One OFF-
    related note: The movie contained an original song, `Ay Caramba!' by
    the same writers."

"The clear beverage craze"

Tony Hill notes that in early 1993, "Pepsi introduced Crystal Pepsi, a
    colorless drink based on the caramel-colored product of the same
    name.  (Those who tried it might differ.)  The product was a bomb,
    and Pepsi changed the formula less than a year later.  It has not
    been widely available since."

Quotes and Scene Summary

[Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
Ricardo Lafaurie and Frederic Briere.]

The scene opens on a TV show.  A speedboat drives into view.

 Announcer: We now return to "Knightboat: the Crime-Solving Boat".
   Michael: Faster, Knightboat!  We gotta catch those starfish poachers.
Knightboat: You don't have to yell, Michael, I'm all around you.
   Michael: Oh, no!  They're headed for land.
             [the poachers ride onto the beach, jump on motorcycles, and
            speed away]
   Michael: We'll never catch them now.
Knightboat: Incorrect: look!  A canal.
     Homer: Go, Knightboat, go!
      Bart: Oh, every week there's a canal.
      Lisa: Or an inlet.
      Bart: Or a fjord.
     Homer: Quiet!  I will not hear another word against the boat.
-- Ripoff 90s shows, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Marge walks in.

Marge: OK, TV off.  It's family time.
Homer: Oh, but Marge!  Knightboat, the _crime-solving_ boat.
Marge: Homer, you promised.  One night of family time a week -- besides,
       that backtalking boat sets a bad example.
 Bart: Says you, woman.
-- Marge, right yet again, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Marge turns the TV off amidst groans.

Marge: All right, family time begins now.
        [turns a kitchen timer to 0:60]
        [Bart yawns; Homer yawns]
        [Homer grabs the timer and starts turning it the other way]
Marge: Homer!
Homer: It was Bart.
-- Homer and his scapegoats, "And Maggie Makes Three"

     Lisa: Why don't we all look at the photo album?
    Homer: [as Marge opens it] So many memories.  Aw, look --
Bart+Lisa: Aww...
    Homer: And _here's_ our TV next to the mirror!  It looks like we
           have two.
Bart+Lisa: Wow, two!
    Marge: Yeah, yeah, yeah, two.  Let's get to the baby pictures.
Bart+Lisa: Aw, Mom!
    Homer: [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, _that's_ exciting.
-- Quality family time, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Marge shows one of a young Bart, naked, with a cowboy at, riding
Snowball I. The next is of young Lisa next to a giant castle of blocks
she's built.  In the next, a Lisa cries as Bart stands among the ruins
of her castle.

           [looking at the photo album]
    Marge: Here's Bart sleeping.  Here he is dozing...here he is after a
           visit from the sandman.  Ooh, here's nappy time, Bart!
           Here's a cute one: he's all tuckered out.
     Lisa: Why aren't there any pictures of Maggie?
            [Maggie looks worried]
    Homer: Well I'm _glad_ you asked.  It's actually a very interesting
Bart+Lisa: [groaning] Oh...
    Homer: It all began about two years ago before Maggie was even born.
           {Bart, you were Lisa's age and Lisa, you were...the age Bart
           was several years ago.}
     Bart: {Get the camera ready, Bart very sleepy...[yawns]}
-- Photo ops, "And Maggie Makes Three"

    Homer: {Listen carefully and my words will shape images as clear as
           any TV show.}  It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the
           clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live.  The
           information superhighway showed the average person what some
           nerd thinks about Star Trek.  And the domestication of the
           dog continued unabated.
            [flash to Homer at work]
           I was at my work station when suddenly --
            [a voice comes over the PA]
Terrorist: Attention American workers: your plant has been taken over by
           an all-star team of freelance terrorists.
            [the lights go off; the emergency lighting comes on]
    Homer: Not on _my_ shift!  [jumps into an overhead vent]
            [in Burns' office, terrorists prepare to kill bound and
           gagged Lenny, Burns, and Carl]
            [Homer arrives through a vent and karate chops them all]
    Homer: Simpson ten, terrorists eight.
            [the gagged captives laugh despite themselves]
    Marge: Homer, tell the story right!
    Homer: Oh, OK.
-- Hyperbolic Homer, "And Maggie Makes Three"

In the actual story...

          [Homer raises his arms one at a time in front of a fan]
           [Carl and Lenny hold hankies to their noses and cough]
    Carl: [gagging] Homer, you should see a doctor -- I don't think a
          healthy man can make that kind of smell.
Smithers: [walking in] Your paychecks, gentlemen.
   Homer: [opening his] Woo hoo!  This is it: with this single, glorious
          check, I'm finally completely out of debt!  [he checks a
          calendar with the 18th circled: "Out of debt here"]
          Yes!  With my bills paid off, I can finally quit this lousy
   Lenny: But Homer, how are you going to make a living?
   Homer: Don't worry about Homer J., I've got a plan.  [menacing] A
          plan that'll fix you good...
    Carl: Hey, what did we do?
   Homer: Sorry, that just slipped out.  [hugs them] I'll miss you.
-- Homer's sincere departure, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer walks into Burns' office.

Homer: Did you hear me?  I said I quit, Monty!  And since I quit, I can
       do anything I want.
Burns: Is that so?
Homer: Ooh, lovely desk.  It would be too bad if someone, oh, I don't
       know...didn't use a coaster!
        [picks glass off coaster, puts it on the desk]
Burns: [gasps]
Homer: [laughs] Such a nice tidy office...maybe it's time you started
       living like a pig!
        [empties single wad of paper from garbage pail onto floor]
Burns: [stammers incoherently]
Homer: Oh, I hope I haven't upset you...bongo-head!
        [starts playing the bongos on Burns' head, grunting along]
Burns: [calm] Oh, I should be resisting this, but I'm paralyzed with
       rage...and island rhythms.
        [Homer drives through the plant on an electric car]
        [everyone cheers as Homer continues playing]
 Carl: Yeah, way to play the boss' head like a bongo, Homer!
Lenny: [moving to the beat] He's getting a pretty good sound out of that
-- New uses for Burns' pate, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Outside the plant, Homer tosses Burns off the cart with a "That's for
employing me for eight years!"  On his way across a wooden bridge, he
tosses a match on it, setting it alight.

 Homer: And that is that!  Goodbye mind-numbing, back-breaking labor
        forever.  Hello, dream job in paradise.
         [scene switch to Homer against a backdrop of blue skies,
        beaches, palm trees, and steel drum music]
        And now, the final phase of my plan.
         [camera pulls back to reveal Homer is at the bowling alley]
         [walking up to him] Hey Barney, any chance you can get me a job
Barney: Hey, sure, Homer.  I told you, my uncle owns the place.  Hey,
        Uncle Al: can Homer here have a job?
    Al: Sure.
 Homer: Woo hoo!  [dances a little jig]
    Al: Barney, you're fired.
Barney: OK.  [walks away]
    Al: Show up tomorrow.  Bring three rags.  Oh!  And, uh, change your
 Homer: Why?
    Al: When it happens, you'll know.
-- Homer's new plan for life, "And Maggie Makes Three"

At home...

     Bart: You're a pin-monkey?  Wow!  Finally I don't have to be
           ashamed of my father's job.
     Lisa: I think it's romantic, throwing off the shackles of the
           workaday world and following a dream...of sorts.
    Marge: I don't know if it's such a good idea.  Can we get by on a
           pin-monkey's salary?
    Homer: Don't worry, Marge, I've come up with a perfectly balanced
           budget.  There will be exactly enough money for you, me,
           Bart, and Lisa, if we make a few small sacrifices.
    Marge: [skeptical] Uh huh...
    Homer: From now on, we use regular toilet paper, not that fancy
           quilted kind.
            [Bart punches the wall]
    Homer: And only one of you kids can go to college.
Bart+Lisa: Fine.
-- Probably _not_ Bart, I'm guessing, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer continues his narration.

       [scene shows Marge dressing up and Homer in a suit]
Homer: [voice-over] That night, your mother and I went out for a
       romantic evening to celebrate the start of our new life...
        ["At the Copacabana" plays]
        [camera shows Marge and Homer dancing while seated in the car at
       at Krusty Burger drive thru]
Homer: [voice-over] ...followed by a stroll on the beach.
        [they lie down on the sand near the water and kiss]
Homer: Marge...
Marge: Homer...
Homer: [sly] I've got sand in my underpants.
Marge: Me too.  Let's go home.
        [they leave; Homer runs back quickly to scoop more sand into his
-- So much for _that_ lumbering double entendre, "And Maggie Makes

At home, Homer enters the bedroom with Marge in his arms and manages to
remove his shoes, jacket, and tie without putting her down.

Homer: [sighs] I love you, Marge.
Marge: I love you too, Homey.
Homer: Everything in our lives is finally perfectly balanced.  I hope
       things stay exactly like this forever.
Marge: Mm hmm.
        ["Seconds later" scene shows lots of little Homer sperm bumping
       their heads and going "D'oh!  D'oh!"]
        [one breaks through the egg and goes "Woo hoo!"]
        [scene switch to present day, Homer swimming like a sperm]
Marge: Did you have to be so graphic?
Homer: It's OK, Marge: they pave the way for this kind of filth in
-- Homer gives sex-ed lessons, "And Maggie Makes Three"

     Lisa: So, Dad, were you excited that Mom was pregnant?
    Homer: Actually, your mother hadn't told me.  At that time I had no
           idea Maggie even existed.
            [he goes to sit down, right where Maggie is]
Bart+Lisa: Dad!  [Marge grabs her away]
    Homer: [not realizing] Hi Maggie!
-- At _that_ time?, "And Maggie Makes Three"

[End of Act One.  Time: 7:51]

Homer continues the story.

Homer: So anywho, back then there was _no_ way for me to know your
       mother was pregnant.
        [flash to Marge pushing Homer out of the way, running into the
       bathroom, and throwing up]
Homer: Marge, you tie up the bathroom every morning!  I've got to wash
       my hair.  [pounds on door]
-- "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer: [voice-over] The next few weeks at my dream job were like a
       wonderful waking coma.
        [Homer turns the balls so all finger holes point the same way]
        [everyone walking by says, "Hi Homer!" cheerfully]
Homer: [spraying shoes then sniffing them] Mmm, bowling fresh.
        [putting urinal cakes in the urinals] Mmm, urinal fresh.
        [Homer shines a ball in the "Shine-O Ball-O; glances around
       furtively, then shines his head in it]
   Al: [reflected in Homer's head] Homer, did you polish your head in
       the Shine-O Ball-O?
Homer: Mmm...no.
   Al: OK, then.  [checks his hair, then walks off]
-- I guess Homer's got an oily T-zone, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer explains, "I slowly learned the intricate mysteries of the alley,
like where the pins go after they're knocked down."  Jacques bowls a
strike, and pins fall down a chute onto a huge pile.  A truck, meanwhile
feeds logs onto a conveyer belt which are each whittled down to a single
pin, painted white, varnished, hardened, painted with two red stripes by
hand, then checked by a man in a lab coat.

          [Homer serves drinks to bowlers]
   Homer: [voice-over] I was in heaven.  If horseracing is the sport of
          kings, then surely bowling is a...very good sport as well.
Bowler 1: Hey, great job, Homer.
Bowler 2: Thanks a lot, Homer.
Bowler 3: Hey, you're the best.
   Homer: [singing] I'm going to make it after all!
           [tosses his bowling ball, which breaks through the alley]
-- Homer Tyler Moore, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Meanwhile, Dr. Hibbert, sporting an Arsenioesque shaved brush cut, has
some news for Marge.

Hibbert: Congratulations, Mrs. Simpson: you're pregnant.
  Marge: Mmm...
Hibbert: Am I to take it that this is [chuckles] an unwanted pregnancy?
  Marge: Oh, no, no, not exactly.  It's just that I haven't told Homer
         yet, and with his new job, I don't know how we're going to be
         able to afford this.
Hibbert: Well, you know a healthy baby can bring upwards of $60,000.
  Marge: What?!
Hibbert: Well, of course, that was just a test.  Er, had you reacted
         differently, you'd be in jail right now.  Simply a test.
         [laughs uncomfortably]
-- Dr. Hibbert, evil Republican, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Marge breaks the news to her children.

Marge: So in a few months, both of you will have a brand new brother or
 Bart: Been there, done that.
 Lisa: I hope it's a girl.
 Bart: You know nothing about genetics, Lis: it goes boy, girl, boy,
 Lisa: You're worried about telling Dad, aren't you, Mom?
Marge: Why do you say that?
 Lisa: Well you've been in my room for about four hours now.
Marge: Hey, I'm just hangin'.
        [Marge goes to the door and peeks around the corner furtively]
-- A bun in the oven, "And Maggie Makes Three"

That night, before bed, Marge decides to tell Homer.

Marge: Homey, I --
Homer: Can't talk, praying.  Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me
       and I am thankful.  For the first time in my life, everything is
       absolutely perfect just the way it is.
Marge: Mmm.
Homer: So here's the deal: you freeze everything as it is, and I won't
       ask for anything more.  If that is OK, please give me absolutely
       no sign.  [brief pause] OK, deal.
       In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk.
       If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign.
       [brief pause] Thy will be done!  [mows down]
-- Homer's solution to the Lord's unresponsiveness, "And Maggie Makes

Marge's sisters make googling noises at Marge's large stomach, their
cigarettes making Marge (and her baby) cough.

      Marge: I've got to tell Homer about this baby in just the right
             way and at just the right time.  Until then, please, keep
             this to yourselves.
      Patty: Oh, if he found out now, it would probably destroy him,
      Marge: Oh, yes.
Patty+Selma: Gotta go!
      Marge: Wait a minute!  Wait, I know that look.  Now promise you
             won't tell Homer.
      Selma: Oh, we promise we won't tell..._Homer_.
              [they go to the phone book and open it to page one]
      Patty: [dials 356756] Hello, is this A. Aaronson?  It might
             interest to you to know that Marge Simpson is pregnant
      Patty: [on the phone] Just thought you'd like to know, Mr.
             Zykowski.  [hangs up, sighs] There.  Aaronson and Zykowski
             are the two biggest gossips in town.  In an hour, everyone
             will know.
-- Odd last-name coincidences, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer walks out of the bowling alley, refreshed.

 Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
Wiggum: [driving by] Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box.
        That's nice work, Homer.
 Homer: Thank you, thank you very much.  It is nice work.
   Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of
        joy.  Congratulations, sir!
 Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the
   Moe: [sly] Hey, Homer!  Way to get Marge pregnant.  [laughs]
 Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I _do_ enjoy
        working at the bowling alley.
-- Nietzschean Moe, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Marge enters the front door of her house.

   Everyone: Surprise!  Baby shower.
      Marge: Baby shower?  You _know_ I haven't told Homer yet, and
             he'll be home any minute.
Patty+Selma: [mocking] Oh _really_?
              [the door opens]
      Marge: [gasps, sees no one there] Phew!  [starts to close the
      Homer: [barging in] Hey, it's me.  It's hell out there!
              [notices everyone standing around]
             Hey, wait a minute.  What are all these presents?  It looks
             like you're..._showering_ Marge with gifts.  Hmm...with
             little, tiny baby-sized gifts.  Well, I'll be in the tub.
             [walks up stairs]
      Maude: By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer.
      Homer: New job?  ...Marge is pregnant?!  [pulls hair out] Noooooo!
             [runs up stairs screaming, slams bedroom door]
-- Homer infers an exceedingly indirect inference, "And Maggie Makes

 Bart: [in the present] Wow, Dad, you really threw a tantrum like a
       little sissy girl?
Homer: Oh, just that one time.
Marge: Actually, when I was about to have Bart --
Homer: [in flashback] You're pregnant?!  [pulls hair, screams]
Marge: [in the present] And then when I told him about Lisa --
Homer: [in flashback] You're pregnant again?!  [pulls hair, screams,
       runs off]
Homer: [in the present] Well, who _wouldn't_ be upset?  That new baby in
       your mother's womb was a ticking time bomb threatening to blow
       this family eight ways from Sunday.
        [Bart and Lisa are walking off]
       Hey!  Where are you going?
 Bart: Dad, you can't expect a person to sit for thirty minutes
 Lisa: I'm going to get a snack, or maybe go to the bathroom.
Marge: I'll stay here, but I'm going to think about products I might
       like to purchase.  [closes eyes] Ooh...mmm...ooh, I don't have
-- Leading to commercial, "And Maggie Makes Three"

[End of Act Two.  Time: 14:23]

Homer whines to Marge that night.

Homer: Oh, you're pregnant!  We're going to have to have a baby.  All
       our financial plans are ruined.  We're doomed...doomed, I tells
        [Homer's head expands, then explodes]
Marge: [in the present] Bart, let your father tell the story.
Homer: Yeah!
 Bart: OK, but I know funny.
Homer: Anywho...
Homer: [in the past, still headless] [weeps] We're doomed!
Marge: [voice-over] Homer, you had a head.
Homer: [voice-over] Check.
        [a new one grows]
Marge: And your bottom was a little bigger.
Homer: Aw.
        [it inflates like a balloon]
-- Poetic license, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Marge: You've worked hard at the bowling alley.  Why don't you ask for a
Homer: Yeah, a raise.  I've never been good enough at any job to deserve
       one before, but I'm damn good at this one.  That's it: I'm going
       to march right up to Al and say --
        [at the alley]
Homer: Steve!  I mean, Al!  I think I deserve a raise.
   Al: Aw, you're a hard worker, and I'd like to give you a raise, but
       the alley just ain't doing enough business to pay that kind of
Homer: How about...if I _triple_ the business?  Then could I get a
   Al: Well, yeah, but --
Homer: [motions him to stop]
        [shot of Homer reading "Advanced Marketing" at home]
        [shot of garbage can containing "Advanced Marketing" and Homer
       reading "Basic Marketing"]
        [shot of both books in garbage and Homer reading the dictionary]
-- Slow starts, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer stares at a bowling ball for a while after looking up "marketing",
then leaps forward: "Of course!"  He stands in front of the bowling
alley firing a shotgun repeatedly into the air and entreating the
screaming people around him to come and bowl.

 Lisa: Mom, make Dad tell the story right!
Marge: That's what really happened.
 Lisa: Oh...
-- Homer describes his marketing plan involving a shotgun, "And Maggie
    Makes Three"

          [Homer walks dejected through the empty alley]
   Homer: [voice-over] My marketing plan attracted a record number of
          police and fire officials.  But few stayed to bowl.  I'd
          failed.  Quitting my dream job was the hardest thing I'd ever
      Al: You did a great job, Homer, and I'm really going to miss you.
          The place has never been cleaner, and the way you kept the
          young people away -- whew!  That was beautiful.
           [assembled bowlers murmur assent]
          Anyway, we all pitched in and we got you this little going-
          away thing.
           [a jacket saying "Sorry you had to 'split'"]
   Homer: [sniffs] This was the happiest time of my life.  I'll never
          forget you guys.  Especially you, Joey.
    Joey: [a young boy dressed like a shoe-shine boy] See you 'round,
          Mr. Homer.
   Homer: Don't worry, Joey, we'll make it to California some day.
    Joey: Sure we will, Mr. Homer, sure we will.  [coughs]
Bowler 1: It's going to be sad around here without you, Homer.
           [bowlers murmur assent as Homer walks out]
Bowler 2: Boy, this is depressing.
Bowler 3: Hey, I know what would cheer us up: bowling!
-- Homer's grandiose plans laid to rest, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer listens to the sounds of the bowling alley one last time, then
walks away.  "I needed more money to support my growing family," Homer
continues, "and there was only one place in town that a man like me
could make it.  The camera pans to the power plant; Homer begins walking
slowly towards it.  As he arrives, it begins raining, and the guard at
the gate says, "Uh oh, acid rain again," [HS] as he puts on a gas mask.
The rain dissolves Homer's going-away present.

Homer approaches a woman sitting at a desk in front of a giant portrait
of Mr. Snrub -- I mean, Mr. Burns.

Woman: Yes?  Are you a new applicant?
Homer: Actually, I quit and I came to get my job back.
Woman: Through there.  [points to a doggy door]
        [Homer crawls through, into Mr. Burns' office]
        [he coughs up dust]
Burns: So...come crawling back, eh?
Homer: Seems like the classy thing to do would be not to call attention
       to it.
-- Trying to convince Monty of reason, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Smithers and Burns lead Homer to his work station.

   Homer: Thanks for giving me my old job back.
   Burns: I'm afraid it's not that simple.  As punishment for your
          desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
Smithers: Uh, sir, that's the plaque.
   Burns: Ah yes, the special demotivational plaque to break what's left
          of your spirit.  Because, you see, you're here forever.
           [Smithers screws a "Don't forget: you're here forever" plaque
          into the wall]
   Burns: Don't forget: you're here forever!
-- Unpleasant reminders, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer arrives home dejected.

Homer: Aw, I've never been so miserable in all my life.  But I can't
       take it out on Marge and the kids -- I've gotta carry the burden
       all by myself.
        [walks in] Hi, honey, how are you?
Marge: Well, actually --
Homer: Aw, I can't go on with this charade any longer!  I hate my job, I
       hate my life, and ever since I found out about this baby there's
       been nothing but bad luck.
Marge: My contractions started an hour ago.
Homer: It's just in one ear and out the other with you, isn't it, Marge?
-- Homer, sensitive new-age man, "And Maggie Makes Three"

At the hospital, {Mayor Quimby holds a newborn child in his arms while
the mother (a young woman) rests.}

    Quimby: {This is incredible.  It's God's most wondrous miracle.}
     Nurse: {Sir, I think your wife wants to hold the baby.}
    Quimby: {My wife?  Where?  Where?!  [runs off in a panic]}
    Doctor: {Congratulations, it's a boy!  [takes a polaroid]}
McAllister: {Argh.  [holding his baby by the feet] You're truly the
            catch of the day.}
     Homer: [nonplussed] It's wonderful, it's magical, oh boy, here it
            comes, another mouth.
   Hibbert: One more push should do it.
     Homer: Marvelous.
             [a baby cries once, then again]
   Hibbert: Congratulations, Mr. Simpson: you have a beautiful, healthy
     Homer: OK.  [makes thumbs up sign]
             [Maggie grabs the thumb with her tiny hand] Huh?
     Marge: Homey, I think someone is saying "Hello".
     Homer: Hello.  Aw, it's a boy -- and what a boy!
   Hibbert: Er, that's the umbilical cord.  It's a girl.
-- Details, "And Maggie Makes Three"

Homer: A girl!  Oh, Marge, we have a wonderful baby girl.  Not just a
       girl -- the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world.
Marge: [sighs]
Homer: Come on, Marge, show a little enthusiasm.
        [they kiss; Maggie shapes her lips like a kiss, then grabs a
       pacifier and sucks it]
-- The genesis of the pacifier explained, "And Maggie Makes Three"

       [in the present]
 Lisa: So you loved her right from the start!
Homer: [tickling Maggie and giggling] Absolutely.
 Bart: Then why no pictures?
Homer: Oh, there are pictures.  I keep them where I need the most
       cheering up.
        [shot of pictures covering demotivational plaque at work]
        [all that can be seen of the plaque is "Do it for her"]
-- End of story, "And Maggie Makes Three"

[End of Act Three.  Time: 21:03]


   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {ah}  Alan Hamilton
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {ml}  Matt Holliman
   {pch} Peter C. Houk
   {mk}  Matthew Kurth
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {av}  Aaron Varhola
   {mw}  Michael Weishaar
This episode summary is Copyright 1997 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)