Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder                                  Written by Al Jean
                                                  Directed by Mike B. Anderson
==============================================================================
Production code: BABF02                   Original Airdate on FOX: 14-Nov-1999
Capsule revision A (5-Mar-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   (Canadian) Homer's 10-pin wizardry lands him instant celebrity status after
   he bowls everyone over with a perfect game.  His newfound fame results in
   appearances on "The Springfield Squares" and a Penn & Teller Special.  {hl}

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     I WON'T NOT USE NO / DOUBLE NEGATIVES

Couch:          A cement truck rolls up to the Simpsons' couch.  It pours a
                load of cement, which spontaneously forms into statues of the
                Simpson family.  The top of Homer's figure immediately breaks
                off and lands at his feet.

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... Homer uses "HJS" on the auto-scorer screen, rather than something
       wacky?

Matthew Anscher:
   ... Homer is supposed to arrive at work at 9:00 AM, whereas in "King-Sized
       Homer," it was 8:00 AM?
   ... Homer didn't fight back from Mr. Burns' physical attacks?
   ... Homer bowled a perfect game after eating 2 spoonfuls of toxic waste?
   ... the manhole outside the Springfield state building was big enough for
       two people to fit through?
   ... Hans Moleman's costume in his fortress seem to echo those of the Roman
       Empire?

Brian Corvello:
   ... this may be the first time that Mr. Burns does not need to be reminded
       who Homer is or that he works for him?

Don Del Grande:
   ... one of the SNPP buildings has blinking red lights?
   ... Barney's New Bowlarama doesn't have a number after it?
   ... the Bowlarama still has charges for One Game, Three Games, and Per
       Hour?
   ... Mrs. Krabappel is reading "Fear of Flying - Teachers Edition"?
   ... "Springfield Squares" is in Shelbyville?
   ... the squares on the Springfield Squares board only light up on three
       sides (not on the bottom)?
   ... Homer is choked three times - by Mr. Burns, Ron Howard, and the 300
       balloon?
   ... Teller has an Ace of Spades, rather than Penn & Teller's trademark 3 of
       Clubs?
   ... the guy who pushes Homer off the Springfield State Building looks like
       a younger "crazy old man"?
   ... Homer's swimming mask has two snorkels?
   ... both Homer and Maggie bowled 11 straight strikes in the last game?
       (This is the only way you can score more than 290 in a game)

Yuri Dieujuste:
   ... the beer bottles left in front of Moe's?

Ben Fonter:
   ... that even as Homer heads to work past 11:00 am on a weekday, there is a
       rush hour traffic jam?

Curtis Gibby:
   ... Homer knocks over a "Do Not Drive On Median" sign?
   ... the Buzz Cola machines and the video games (it looks like they say
       "Turok") at the bowling alley?
   ... Marge's needlepoints say "Get Well, Lenny" and "We Love You, Lenny"?
   ... it says "Local Hero" on the blackboard?
   ... this is the second week in a row ["E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)" aired last
       week -- Ed.] that they've talked about suicide?

Joe Green:
   ... the green VW Beetle next to Homer in traffic?
   ... this is the first time we've seen the Happy Little Elves for several
       seasons?
   ... Bart has access to the Internet?

Richard Green:
   ... Homer actually slept for over 51 hours, not including the time sleeping
       before 7PM ... according to 2F33 Homer goes to sleep at 11:50 ... so
       that'd be 58 hours!
   ... Burns is actually strong enough to pick up Homer?
   ... Bart has a new TV in his room?  (He used to have a portable TV, but
       this is not the same one)

Darrel Jones:
   ... Homer has seen Stevie Nicks naked three times?

Joe Klemm:
   ... Maggie is wearing a tiara at the tea party Homer's supposed to do with
       her?
   ... Cletus and Snake were watching Homer when the viewing crowd begins to
       build?
   ... in the Mole People realm, the sign of Ishtar, the Mole People's god, is
       in the background?

Adam Long:
   ... Jacques and Lurleen walking in the background of the bowling alley?
   ... the bowling ball's holes turn into Burns' liver spots?
   ... Ron Howard is the only major celebrity on the Springfield Squares?
   ... the "Watch Your Step" sign on top of the State Building?
   ... the swimming instructor is rather masculine?
   ... Maggie rolls her eyes the second time Homer sinks?

Travis D. McLemore, Jr.:
   ... Nelson sits in the back of the classroom?

Will O'Hargan:
   ... Marge doesn't come back to bed to sleep?
   ... one of the kids give the camera the finger (But they only have 4, so it
       is both middle and index.)
   ... the Photographers wear old-fashioned press hats?
   ... Capital City's mascot is in Springfield Squares?
   ... Teller is in an Electric chair?
   ... Otto isn't in the jumpers line?
   ... Ron Howard curses in front of his kids?
   ... Bart has a Playstation (Judging by controller and console)?
   ... Homer tells Maggie to "Call Aquaman" despite Maggie's inability to
       talk? (Except in one episode)
   ... Homer spits out a fish?
   ... Maggie slaps Homer?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... Bart takes some money from Homer's wallet?
   ... Snowball II brings Homer a dead bird as he sleeps?
   ... Otto's girlfriend (Crystal?) relieves Homer of the rest of his money?
   ... Milhouse attends a swimming class designed for toddlers?

Matt Rose:
   ... "John Frink" was listed as a producer?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Krusty, Abe, Stu, Itchy)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Girl, Nelson, Maggie)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Chief Wiggum, Carl, "Springfield Squares" announcer, Man,
        Moe, Happy Little Elves?)
   - Harry Shearer (Announcer, Pushy New Yorker, Burns, Smithers, Lenny,
        Brockman, Hibbert, Man hit by bowling ball, Hans Moleman, Otto)

- Special Guest Voice
   - Ron Howard (Himself)
   - Penn Jillette (Himself)
   - Pat O'Brien (Himself)
   - Nancy O'Dell (Herself)
   - Teller (Himself)
   - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel)

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Terri)
   - Tress MacNeille (Dolph, Instructor)
   - Russi Taylor (Boy)
   - Karl Wiedergott (Traffic Announcer?)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder" (song)
      - title of show is obviously a parody [{ddg} adds, "The song is sung to
        the music of 'Dance of the Hours' from Ponchielli's opera 'La
        Gioconda'")]

   + "Koyaanisqatsi" (movie)  {dm}
      - fast-motion sequence when Homer oversleeps
      - while this is going on, music similar to the music from the movie
        plays in the background

   - "A Clockwork Orange" (movie)  {jlb}
      - another fast-motion sequence, this one featuring a couple getting
        romantic (like Otto and girlfriend)
      - the camera angle was also identical
      - [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

   + "Where's Waldo", by Martin Handford (book series)  {rg}
      - title character strolls by kitchen window

   ~ "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (movie)  {jg2}
      - the family becomes concerned over someone's made-up health problem

   + "The Natural" (movie)
      - Homer's ball triggers an explosion, as Robert Redford's baseball does
        when it hits the lights
      - slow-motion action as Homer bowls the final ball of the game  {bjr}
      - music from this movie heard during this scene (and in the final scene)
        {bjr}
      - Homer exults as debris rains down around him, the way Redford's
        character does  {bjr}

   + missile-launching computers  {ddg}
      - the "300 Game" button requires two different keys to access, like a
        nuclear missile

   + "Fear of Flying" (book)  {ddg}
      - Krabappel reads the "Teachers' Edition" of this erotic novel

   + "Hollywood Squares" (game show)
      - "Springfield Squares" is a local version of this game show  {ma}
      - music a play of the theme to the late 1980's version  {jk}
      - set similar to the 1990's version  {jk}

   + "Superman" (movie and comic book/TV series)  {bjr}
      - tagline for the 1979 film was, "You'll believe a man can fly"

   + McDonald's commercial  {jg2}
      - "Did somebody say perfect score?"  (cf. McDonald's)

   + urban legend of spider eggs in Bubble Yum  {ddg}
      - eggs in Chew Goo

   + "Access Hollywood" (entertainment news show)
      - "Access Springfield" obviously based on this "Entertainment Tonight"-
        type show [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

   + "The Flintstones" (TV series)  {dj}
      - someone throws a bowling ball while standing on his tippie-toes
      - Homer is compared to Fred Flintstone during the "Yesterday's News"
        segment

   + "Apocalypse Now" (movie)  {hl}
      - song played as a character contemplates ending his life

   + the Empire State Building  {dj}
      - the Springfield State Building

   + H. G. Wells' "The Time Machine" (book)  {jg2}
      - Homer spots Morlocks on the way down from the building

   + "C.H.U.D." (movie)  {jg2}
      - he sees C.H.U.D.s, too

   + "The Mole People" (movie)  {hl}

   + "Fantastic Four" (comic book)  {es}
      - Moleman's underground kingdom similar [See "Comments" section for more
        -- Ed.]

   - Hugh Hefner ("Playboy" magazine publisher)  {jg2}
      - Nelson dresses like him?

   + "Teletubbies" (TV series)
      - Homer dresses up as one
      - alludes to the "gay" flap {bjr} [See "Comments" section for more --
        Ed.]

   + "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" (movie)  {jg2}
      - Maggie's vision of Homer in the pool

   - "Victory At Sea" (TV series)  {tdm}
      - theme heard in background when Maggie saves Homer from drowning [See
        "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

   - trapped child urban legend  {rg}
      - the legend (shown to be false) states that a mother rescued her child,
        trapped in a car, by lifting the vehicle (cf. Maggie developing
        superhuman strength to save Homer)

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- [7G03] Homer contemplates suicide  {bjr}
- [7G08] "The Happy Little Elves" seen  {bjr}
- [7G11], [8F14], [2F10], [3F10] There is evidence that Homer actually bowls
         once in a while  {rg}
- [9F04] Where's Waldo book  {rg}
- [9F19] Springfield Squares, a "Hollywood Squares" knockoff, seen  {jg2}
- [1F21] [MG20] Maggie's perception of faces is grotesquely distorted  {bjr}
- [2F01] the ball room lady is in the crowd at the bowling alley  {rg}
- [2F05] Springfield YMCA seen
- [2F10] The Shine-O Ball-O seen, and used to shine someone's head
- [2F10] Last full-length episode in which Maggie played an important role
         {dj}
- [3F10] Homer wears his bowling shirt  {dj}
- [3F19] A Simpson saves another Simpson from drowning  {dj}
- [3F21] Bungee jumping is referenced  {dj}
- [3G02] "Where's Maggie?"  {al}
- [3G04] Homer makes an extremely odd sound when he gets nervous  {cp}
- [4F08] Last speaking role for Disco Stu  {dj}
- [4F22] CHUDs are mentioned  {dj}
- [5F02] "Aquaman"  {rg}
- [5F03] Possibility raised of crush between Bart and Sherri -- or Terri
         {bjr}
- [5F09] Homer disrupts a show  {bjr}
- [5F19] Mr. Howard has a penchant for drinks  {bjr}
- [5F19] Ron Howard appears (duh)
- [5F20] The girl that Milhouse took to the dance is in the classroom  {rg}
- [AABF07] Teletubbies are referenced  {dj}
- [AABF16] Last appearance of Hans Moleman  {dj}
- [AABF19] Homer eats plutonium (note - that makes 2 weeks in a row they've
         shown it)  {rg}
- [AABF19] Homer contemplates suicide  {jg2}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- People at bowling alley  {woh}
   - Homer, Lenny, Carl, Snake, Cletus (+ his wife), Skinner, Milhouse's
     father, Barney, Agnes Skinner, Chief Wiggum (+ his wife), Otto, Apu
     (Thereby putting all of the original pin pals in the alley),  Ned
     Flanders, Maude Flanders, Dr. Hibbert, Willie, Abe Simpson, Sam from the
     bar (didn't the FBI take him away?), Ralph Wiggum, Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney,
     Ms. Krabappel, Moe, Herman, and Jacques (the French Bowling instructor)

- Homer's to-do list  {bjr}

    Before I Die
    I Want To --

    1) End Crime & Injustice
    2) Bowl A Perfect Game [check mark]
    3) See Stevie Nicks Naked [three (!) check marks]

- Ms. Krabappel's book  {bjr}

         FEAR OF
         FLYING

    Teacher's Edition

- "Squares" layout  {bjr}

    RANIER WOLFCASTLE |    KRUSTY     |   ITCHY & SCRATCHY
    ---------------------------------------------------------
      BUMBLEBEE MAN   | HOMER SIMPSON |   PRINCESS KASHMIR
    ----------------------------------------------------------
      SIDESHOW MEL    |  RON HOWARD   | CAPITAL CITY GOOFBALL

- Banner for Penn & Teller show  {bjr}

      TONIGHT:  PENN AND TELLER
    "YOU'LL BELIEVE A MAN CAN DIE"

- Sign at YMCA  {bjr}

    SPRINGFIELD YMCA

      DADDY AND ME
     SWIMMING CLASS
    -NO STEPFATHERS-

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
*  Bart's blackboard writing was actually a TRIPLE negative, "I WON'T NOT use
   NO double negatives," thus making it a negative again and reversing the
   intended irony of the joke -- but only to idiots like me.  {rb}

*  Both Bart and Otto's girlfriend come out with the same amount of money
   after robbing from Homer.  Why didn't Bart take it all?  {woh}

-  The title of the "Details" magazine is written backwards.  {rk}

-  In the establishing shot of the traffic jam, Homer's car is surrounded.
   None of the cars appear to move, yet Homer is able to pull into the median
   later.  {cg}

=  The "Do Not Drive on the Median" sign was behind Homer's car but moved in
   front of him when he drove over it.  {ds}

*  Despite his constant health problems, Homer has seemingly been able to
   develop a superhuman immunity to radiation.  (He tried to hide IN THE CORE
   for heavens sake -- a "normal" man would have been dead before he hit the
   ground).  {bc2}

+  Mr. Burns seems much stronger than usual, as he is able to restrain and
   beat up Homer.  {bc2}

*  Burns must have awfully long legs to grab Homer like that in his stance.
   {rg}

*  Carl estimates Homer must eat two or three hundred gallons of toxic waste.
   Each drum holds 55 gallons.  Assuming they are all full, and there appeared
   to be several dozen drums, there would be several THOUSAND gallons of
   waste.  {jj}

=  In some of the background shots, the bowling-ball second "O" in the "PRO
   SHOP" sign is missing.

*  Lenny still has his banana spilt through out the first act, despite the
   fact that it would have melted.  {woh}

=  After the view focusing on Lisa going back to the couch, Bart is replaced
   by the "Get Well Lenny" needlepoint?  Maybe he assumed "superhuman speed"
   while thirsty ...  {ksl}

-  The Parking lot has many open spots despite being packed with people
   rooting Homer on.

+  Homer usually writes like [crap] ... why is he writing so neatly on the
   board today?  {rg}

*  In Hollywood Squares, the men are the x's, while the women are the o's.
   Yet, it's the other way in the episode.  {jk}

*  Otto couldn't catch up to Homer when falling, and he wasn't next in line
   anyway.  [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]  {al}

=  When Homer jumps, he falls through a manhole in the middle of the street,
   which is quite a distance away from the building, yet when he and Otto go
   in, they go in straight down and straight back up.  {ddg}

*  A bungee platform would have to be set up a ways apart from the top of a
   building, as sort of a perch sticking off the edge.  Otherwise you might
   swing and hit the building.  {es}

*  Homer must have a VERY strong neck to hold up that TV like that ... too
   strong.  ["It's all the radioactive waste." -- Andrew Krupowicz]  {rg}

+  Milhouse does indeed know how to swim, like he did in "Bart of Darkness"
   and "Das Bus."  {ma}

*  The wave that swept Homer away apparently went sideways, because otherwise
   it would have swept up Maggie as well.  {ddg}

+  According to the "POO, ASS, HJS" in act 1, the scoreboard can only hold 3
   characters, but in act 3, "HOMER, MAGGIE" is written.  {rg}

*  Automatic scoring systems usually don't let you enter the numbers yourself.
   {ddg}

=  After Maggie gets the last strike, she moves about three feet back from
   where she was originally standing from one frame to the next.  {eg}

*  When you foul, you score zero -- and Maggie was nowhere near the line when
   she (well, with help) threw her last ball.  {ddg}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Nate Birch:  This was a bizarre episode, that hardly even resembled the
   Simpsons of old, the story went all over the place with no direction, and
   the characters did things without any motivation or reason (i.e. homer
   jumping off the building), it wasn't that funny, and a lot of the jokes
   were just didn't make any sense (Homer eating toxic waste, Marge's
   obsession with Lenny), and the cartoonishness was really annoying this time
   around.  It was saved from an F because it's probably the first Maggie
   episode ever, but I wish they had told us at the beginning.  The season was
   going so well until this turd.  (D)

Capel Cleggs:  While this episode was even more disjointed than usual for the
   current "Simpsons," each act was quite amusing as a sort of isolated
   vignette: Act I, Homer Goes Bowling, Act II, Homer Gets Famous, Act III,
   Homer and Maggie.  And this was a more warmhearted episode than has
   recently been the norm for the show, with Homer as a sympathetic bumbler
   who just wants to be loved, by the whole world or by one member of his
   family.  I can't help wishing they'd just done a whole episode about Homer
   and Maggie -- there'll never be another chance to do one, and it would have
   been something really new -- but as it is, even with the predictable
   "action climax," it was a fun half-hour.  (B)

Don Del Grande:  Just when I'm expecting an episode about "Homer gets yet
   another 15 minutes of fame", it turns into the "Maggie episode" some of us
   have been waiting for since "A Streetcar Named Marge" (so, naturally,
   everybody else in SNPP will give it Ds and Fs) - and Homer got to keep his
   300 at the end.  (A-)

Nicolas Di Candia:  Many good jokes, all the characters put to good use and
   some people that we hadn't seen for a while are all over the place in an
   episode with a decent, believable plot.  While there still was some
   wackiness (like Homer eating toxic waste), it was isolated and did not
   damage the episode.  If all the BABF episodes are going to be like this
   one, we will be able to say that the decline of the show has finally
   stopped.  (B+)

Yuri Dieujuste:  This episode wasn't what I expected it to be.  The dialogue
   lacked the emotion and feeling found in other episodes.  The writers left
   the episode disjointed by transferring the story line from Homer's success
   to Homer trying to get a long with Maggie.  Then, there were no humorous
   jokes or scenes in the story with the worst offender being the
   Burns/Smithers/Homer scene at SNPP.  (F)

Curtis Gibby:  I thought this was a good episode, one of the first really
   solid and funny offerings this season.  Beginning with a hilarious
   time-lapse sequence, and ending with a heart-warming Maggie and Homer
   scene, "Hello" was filled with fun.  There were a lot of throw-away gags,
   but not in that lame "Family Guy" style that I hate so very, very much. I
   loved the return of Maggie.  This was the first time since "A Streetcar
   Named Marge" (or perhaps ever) that she's taken such a starring role in an
   episode, and I thought it worked out quite nicely.  [...]  Huzzah for the
   BABF series -- it looks to be somewhat of a return to the glory days.  (A)

Joe Green:  Surprisingly enjoyable, despite the fairly hokey premise.  It was
   nice to see Al Jean  at least _try_ to bring Homer's sensitive side, even
   if it didn't quite work out.  That, and the pointless celebrity cameos take
   this one down a notch.  (B-)

Carl Johnson:  The writers have done the unthinkable and have written
   something decent!  This is the first episode in a long time where I didn't
   have to dumb down the standards to give it a passing grade.  The jokes were
   clever and thoughtful and the characterization was dead-on all around.  I
   have always questioned Mike Scully's ability to run "The Simpsons".  He's
   obviously learning what makes genius, and fortunately "The Simpsons" has
   enough momentum to give him time to. Kudos, yon writers.  You hath outdone
   thyselves.  (B)

Joe Klemm:  What begins off as a normal "Homer gets a new job episode" ends up
   turning into a great episode by the final act.  The reason: Al Jean
   remembers that there is a fifth Simpson named Maggie.  As a result, we get
   a cute and funny final act where Homer tries to have fun with Maggie.  As
   for the bowling storyline before that, it was okay.  (B)

Jake Lennington:  I've got to say one thing about tonight's episode -- HELL
   YEAH!  I never thought I could love a Homer based episode (and I've quit
   reviewing them), but tonight, I actually laughed my ass off at the jokes
   and actually felt something for the most ignored Simpson -- Maggie! Other
   than a few really things that were ill aimed (the jumping off the building
   and eating the toxic waste) Homer and Maggie stole the show in the third
   act.  (A+)

Ondre Lombard:  Well, if you just pretend that this episode is about Maggie
   and wherever Homer interacts with her, he's her supporting cast, it's an
   exceptional episode.  After myriad bland, boring, tacky, etc. jokes, Maggie
   adds a dash of whimsy and innocent amusement not seen since her caper in "A
   Streetcar Named Marge," in Act Three.  (C+)

Adam Long:  Talk about your disjointed plots!  This episode showed us just how
   far a half hour can take you.  First Homer's late for work, then he bowls a
   perfect game, then he goes on Springfield Squares, then he (for no reason)
   wrecks a Penn and Teller show, then he wants to kill himself, then he
   doesn't, then he wants to spend time with his kids, then he's drowning,
   then it's back to bowling. Really not much of a memorable episode
   storywise, since every 5 minutes it feels like you're watching a whole
   different episode.  And there really was no story, or point.  It might as
   well have been a clip show.  But on the other hand, it was freakin'
   hilarious!  (A-)

Patrick McGovern:  Genuinely sweet yet all over the place at the same time.  I
   liked the parody of celebrity, even if Act II paled deeply compared to the
   1st and 3rd acts.  I was very happy to see that this ep also showed a good
   deal of soul and originality (despite the stale premise of "Homer gets
   famous").  If it weren't for Ron Howard's needless appearance, I'd get rid
   of the pesky minus sign before my grade ...  (A-)

Paul Melnyk:  I wasn't expecting to like this one, but wow!  The first act
   really caught me on, and the weird  "Not Lenny!" sequence was hilarious!
   While Season 11 itself has been a superb comeback, this was definitely the
   one.  We haven't seen Maggie with such involvement for quite awhile, we
   haven't seen Itchy and Scratchy in a year, and lord knows how long since
   we've seen the Happy Little Elves.  Ron Howard's appearance was nice, in a
   way to see him getting back at Homer.  I guess my only complaint was that
   the plot did go a little astray in the third act, but Dr. Hibbert's line
   "When a child sees it's parent in trouble, it gains superhuman strength,"
   was a very amusing clean-up.  (A)

Chris Palm:  Well, now THIS was a great breath of fresh air!  Hardly any
   wackiness (Maggie saving Homer was a spoof on an urban legend, so I don't
   count that as wacky), a GREAT use of the townspeople, quick celebrity
   cameos rather than basing an entire episode around them, great gags, and a
   non-jerkarse Homer, and one who CARES about his family to boot!  Highlights
   included: "Not Lenny!", the Hollywood Squares spoof, and the entire third
   act, ESPECIALLY the ending with Homer and Maggie bowling.  Man, if all of
   season 11 is going to be like this, I'll be a happy Simpsonite.  The most
   enjoyable ep since "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace", IMO.  (A)

Abhi Ray:  If this was an episode that tried to bring back the old Simpsons
   style of good storytelling coupled with hilarious jokes, it didn't quite go
   all the way.  Most of the jokes worked, but weren't THAT funny, and Al Jean
   seems to love sprinkling his episodes with immensely unfunny sight gags.
   There were some great touching moments when Homer and Maggie bonded.  What
   really hurt this episode is the lack of pathos concerning Homer's fleeting
   glory.  It's hard to believe he would actually attempt suicide.  There was
   no real buildup of plot in which Homer would really be depressed to do
   something like that.  There should have been a better Homer premise that
   would have led into the suicide scene into the Homer-Maggie bonding
   premise.  Overall, this episode had direction, but lacked discipline; had
   heart, but lacked soul.  (Whatever that means).  (C+)

Tom Rinschler:  What was that?  I laughed a lot, but there was absolutely no
   plot. It looks almost like the writing staff attempted, without much
   success, to glue together ideas they couldn't fit into other stories.  The
   whole story jumped from idea to idea without either much connecting
   material or much thought on how to intelligently put it together.
   Moreover, there was a lot of people acting out of character (Homer wanting
   to jump off a building??!!), and some major lack of realism (I know it's a
   cartoon, so certain allowances can be made, but Itchy and Scratchy
   interacting with "real" characters?  The whole scene in the core?).  Given
   all the bizarre plot holes and so on, it's good that it had its share of
   chuckles and laughs, or it would have been completely useless.  (C+)

Matt Rose:  Is this what the new production series brings?  If so, season 11
   is going to shape up to be something enjoyable.  This FELT like a Simpsons
   episode, not like some wacky parallel universe where nothing made sense.
   Homer apparently still has a job at the power plant and a FAMILY,
   illustrated beautifully by playful and heartwarming scenes with daughter
   Maggie, who somebody on staff remembered actually exists as a character.
   Although the "celebrity" Homer idea is still a very jaded premise, I
   thought it was done plausibly.  Homer bowling a 300 game is something he
   could actually DO.  I think the "life-saving" seen is a bit far-fetched, as
   was the ending though.  This episode is on par with something from season 5
   or 6, which weren't the best seasons, but made for very enjoyable jokes and
   storylines.  Yes, mark your calendars down: This self-admitted cynic
   actually enjoyed a new Simpsons episode.  (A-)

Eric Sansoni:  Frequently funny jokes (including a surprising number involving
   Lenny) plus a healthy dose of humanity, and some (but not enough) realism,
   make up for a disjointed plot, in the first effectively sweet episode in a
   long time.  The bowling triumph scene is nicely done, celebrity cameos are
   in fine form as sharp pokes at well-known personas, and Hans Moleman makes
   an unforgettable appearance.  But Homer's latest bout of insecurity is too
   abrupt, and the tie-in to his relationship with Maggie is even more forced.
   Maggie herself does steal the show, getting more screen time than in but a
   handful of eps.  Her lovable personality, and fine animated "acting," above
   all make this episode easy to like.  (B)

Kurt Williams:  Snooze.  Homer gets famous (redundant of 1F13 and 3F21), faces
   midlife crisis and attempts suicide (7G03) and tries to redeem himself
   through half-assed overparenting (2F07).  An episode so thin they had to
   get Ron Howard AGAIN just to have a celebrity gimmick for the promo.  It
   was good to see Maggie in a prominent role, but she doesn't save this ep
   from being another Season 11 mediocrity.  (C)

Yours Truly:  Tonight's show is the first non-Halloween episode in the "BABF"
   production series, but in many ways is a strange as a Halloween ep, with
   Homer eating toxic waste and Hans Moleman ruling Springfield's underworld.
   The plot itself had some out-there gyrations, too.  What starts out as a
   commentary about sudden (and fleeting) celebrity turns into a family-
   bonding show by the third act.  Fortunately, the show's sense of fun made
   up (in part) for the scattershot approach.  One of my favorite aspects of
   the show was that Maggie finally got to do something other than suck her
   pacifier and hang on Marge's arm.  Penn, Teller, and Ron Howard had great
   guest roles.  If this episode is any indication, the upcoming season may be
   uneven, but it certainly won't be boring.  (B)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B (3.10)   Std Dev.: 0.9424   (38 reviews computed)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Musical References

Joe Green:  "The End" by the Doors -- played while Homer walks down the street


>> Meta-reference corner

Benjamin Robinson:  Just when it was about to mention the state, Krusty's
   mail-in address for the antidote was cut off by Kent Brockman's live
   report.


Lisa tells Homer to "step aside."  J. D. Baldwin writes:  When that line was
   uttered, I figured it just *had* to be a self- reference.  The producers
   know this thing has run its course.  It would have to decline a *lot*
   farther than it has before I'll stop watching, but I won't be too broken up
   when it goes.


Benjamin Robinson, again:  Homer calls Maggie, "the forgotten Simpson."
   Maggie fans occasionally complain that she's often overlooked by the show's
   writers.


>> Name that reference!

Figuring out the reference behind the fast-motion oversleeping scene at the
   start of the episode provoked way too much controversy.  Most agreed that
   "Koyaanisqatsi" was at least one of the sources.  Consensus broke down over
   whether or not the producers were riffing on "A Clockwork Orange."


Seth Miller:  I just find it really hard to believe that anyone would suggest
   that this scene doesn't reference "Clockwork Orange," though like I said,
   it is entirely possible that it references something else as well.  If it
   didn't reference clockwork orange, Otto coming in and ending up in
   positions extremely similar to Alex's would be highly gratuitous.


Ed Gein:  If they writers wanted to spoof Clockwork Orange, they definitely
   could have played the William Tell Overture like they did in that scene
   from Clockwork, or something THAT SOUNDS EVEN REMOTELY LIKE IT.  Since they
   didn't, and the music was obviously new-agey and totally Philip Glass-like,
   the movie references KOY.  Hey, now that I think about it, HOTEL NEW
   HAMPSHIRE had a sped-up sex scene, too.  Sure, the music was nothing like
   the Simpsons scene, but I say that's where they got it from.


Jordan Eisenberg:  You're looking at a the writing as too much of a formula of
   "this is a reference," etc.  The scene may have been an allusion to either
   movie, with similarities to the other that came about by either
   subconscious inspiration or coincidence.  Maybe the writers were thinking
   of KOY and the storyboard artists/animators later interpreted a bit of "A
   Clockwork Orange" in it, and positioned things accordingly.  No one can say
   which of the movies (or anything else we're not thinking of) was the
   initial inspiration, because any of the superficial aspects such as the
   camera angle or the music could have been decided on at a later time just
   because they thought it looked or sounded cooler, whether or not it
   deviated from the initial idea.


>> So, the title doesn't mean, "Hard to spell"?

Oh, and if you wanted to know what "Koyaanisqatsi" was, Benjamin Robinson
   explains:  "Koyaanisqatsi" is the Hopi term for "life out of balance." It
   is also the title of an early-80s art film that made the point that modern
   life had gotten too manic, and that man had lost touch with his natural
   roots.  Okay, that wasn't exactly an original sentiment, but the film had a
   novel approach.  Devoid of actors and dialogue, it showed quiet scenes of
   deserts and such for its opening acts.  Time-lapse photography made the
   clouds slide perceptibly across the sky, but we get the impression of
   nature as being placid and slow-moving.

   Then the film cuts to urban civilization.  The time-lapse technique is used
   here to transform the city into something akin to a huge mechanism.
   Streets are ribbons of red or white lights, depending on the direction of
   traffic. People blur past the camera on the way to where they're going.
   Factories, subways, highways, and other hallmarks of cities are shown this
   way, all to Philip Glass' almost impossibly quick music.  Then, the credits
   roll.

   The minimalist film wowed the critics, and "Koyaanisqatsi" won quite a bit
   of mindshare for an art film.  There's also an accompanying soundtrack, on
   Antilles/New Directions records.  It's handy to have around if you need to
   spell "Koyaanisqatsi" correctly in fewer than five tries.

   A follow-up film, "Powaaqatsi," (which I probably just spelled incorrectly)
   was produced.  It didn't show at my local googolplex, so I can't comment on
   it.


Wendy Kourany:  Was this foreshadowing to indicate the direction of the
   Simpsons?  Check out the definition of the word Koyaanisqatsi.


>> Where's Richard E. Green?

He's writing about "Where's Waldo," apparently:  The Waldo books were one of
   the most popular series of books made for elementary school kids to prove
   to their peers that they have better eyesight than everyone else.  The
   books have light stories about Waldo traveling through Time, the Olympics,
   even the North Pole, but always areas with large crowds.  For each
   location, there is a two page spread drawing of this crowd, and the reader
   must try to find Waldo, a man with glasses, the striped shirt, a red hat,
   and a brown cane as fast as possible, along with a list of all kinds of
   other objects and people. Waldo himself, as well as the other objects, are
   out in the open, but often compacted uncomfortably among many other
   objects.  The book series was incredibly popular back in the late 80's, and
   is apparently still being published (although my favourite old school book
   - the Great Waldo Search, is no longer in print).  To tell you the truth,
   Waldo himself was never really that hard to find (in fact, in the Olympics
   book, on one page he was just to the right of the crease, and stood at over
   an inch tall (most of the time he is much smaller ... perhaps 1 cm)) but
   the list of objects in the inside covers of the book were the real
   challenge ... I never DID find that book in the Crusades world in "Find
   Waldo Now" -- that was the ONLY object missing from my checklist in that
   book!


"BiffFoil" to the rescue:  Check the right page, 3 inches from the center
   crease and about 5 inches from the top.  It's blue.  Unless we have
   different versions of the book (they've been known to shift objects to
   different places in different copies), it should be there.

   Oops ... should I have added spoiler space?  <g>


Referring to Waldo appearing on a cereal box, Ray Kassinger adds:  Around 1991
   LIFE cereal for a while featured Waldo (who by this time had a girlfriend
   and dog, both of who also wore glasses and striped shirts) on the back of
   their cereal boxes in the usual crowd scenes.  I think it was a tie-in for
   a Sat. morning "Where's Waldo?" cartoon.


David Brunt:  It might be worth pointing out that the books first appeared in
   Britain as "Where's Wally" long before they were picked up for US release
   when the name was changed because the phrase "Wally" doesn't have quite the
   same understanding in the US.


>> Celebrity Car Watch

Benjamin Robinson:  I guess one of the reasons for the traffic jam was that
   there was a Volkswagen Old Beetle convention in town.  How else can you
   explain the great number of them on the road, including

   * A blue one in the establishing shot.
   * A green bug next to Homer's car as he's listening to the traffic report.
   * A yellow bug in the "other" lane as Homer starts driving on the median.
   * An orange when as Wiggum pulls Homer over.

   Later, Ron Howard drives a more upscale German car -- a Mercedes E- series
   cabriolet.


>> The Perfect Game

Richard Green says Homer's bowling game wasn't as flawless as it Springfield
   thought it was:  Homer's perfect game would NOT have counted, because a
   bowling rule is that the ball can not be thrown over the line, and Homer's
   ball clearly went flying more than halfway down the alley ... and it is
   emphasized in the end that this rule counts in Springfield when Homer calls
   Maggie on it.


"Sjim67" counters:  The ball CAN be thrown over the line (that's the object
   for crying out loud), it's your FOOT that can't go over the line.

   LOFTING the ball (which is what Homer did) is technically legal, although
   it is frowned upon by bowling establishments, as it is very damaging to the
   lane.  In a real bowling alley, they'd probably kick you out for throwing a
   ball like that.  But this is a cartoon, and it's called artistic license.


Seth Miller:  Ummm, there may be a rule against throwing the ball as opposed
   to rolling it (though this may just be a bowling alley rule to protect
   their floors, not a rule in the game) but I think the real reason bowlers
   don't throw is that it doesn't work.  The rule Homer called Maggie on is
   that you can't put your foot over the line when you roll the ball, not a
   rule against throwing. This is a legitimate rule, though it doesn't get
   scored as a 5, it gets scored as a 0.


>> I'll have "X" for the block, please

 - or, Today, "Hollywood Squares," tomorrow, "Match Game!"

Benjamin Robinson:  "Hollywood Squares" was a popular daytime game show in the
   70s that is enjoying a comeback today.  The main set looked like a giant
   tic-tac- toe field.  In each square sat a popular celebrity of the day.
   Two players -- ordinary people -- would select a square where they would
   like to place an "X" or an "O".  The host would ask that square's celebrity
   a question.  The celebrities didn't really take the job seriously, and
   would tell jokes or amusing anecdotes instead of giving straight answers.
   The player would (eventually) hear the answer, and had to determine if the
   celeb was right or wrong.  A correct guess won the player the square.
   Aside from the celebrity angle, the game played like tic-tac-toe so the
   player who got three "X"s or "O"s in a row won.


Gary Wilson adds:  "Hollywood Squares" actually began in 1966, and was a
   daytime staple until 1982. Peter Marshall was the original host, and
   regulars included Rose Marie (you know her from "Dick Van Dyke") and the
   usual center square, Paul Lynde. Funny you mention "Match Game", as the
   next incarnation of "Hollywood Squares" was a mix of the two shows, "The
   Match Game/Hollywood Squares Hour" with the "Match Game" portion hosted by
   Gene Rayburn, and the "Hollywood Squares" portion hosted by John "Bowzer"
   Bauman.  The next revival was in the later eighties, and a current version
   still airs.  The "Springfield Squares" set actually looks like the current
   set more than the original one.

   Also, when you mention the players being "ordinary" people, I wouldn't be
   too sure.  O. J. Simpson was contestant on the show when he was still in
   college.  He returned years later as a celebrity.


Haynes Lee:  a minor scandal broke out when it was revealed that Hollywood
   Squares also gave out the real answers along with the gag answers to the
   celebrity squares.  A small disclaimer was then added to the show.


Benjamin Robinson:  It's possible the original version did the same thing, but
   only the new one has a quiet disclaimer confessing the fact.)


Gary Wilson:  The celebrities have always been briefed with the answers and,
   yes, the clever jokes too.  Paul Lynde was even voted funniest man in
   America in the 70's, partially for his role in the game show, even though
   most people didn't know his jokes on the shows were fully scripted.


>> Cartoon characters on a game show?  That's laughable

Nicholás Di Candia has an explanation for Itchy and Scratchy's presence on
   "The Springfield Squares":  Itchy & Scratchy reminded me of some Bart
   Simpson costumes that came out in 1992 (when The Simpsons began in
   Argentina).  This was used in some TV shows and magazines as a way to have
   Bart Simpson interviewed (it wouldn't surprise me if they had had Bart
   Simpson on the Argentinean equivalent of Hollywood Squares, called "Ta Te
   Show").  There was a show several months ago featuring people wearing
   costumes of all members of OFF.


>> What's your favorite Teller quote?

First, Darrel Jones explains who Penn & Teller are:  [Penn & Teller are] two
   magicians/con men.  Unlike "conventional" magicians, they're not afraid of
   admitting what they do is a sham, or giving away their secrets.  And their
   magic tricks often don't work as you think they will.  Usually, Penn gives
   some fun, flashy distraction of a tale while Teller just moves around
   silently and actually does the trick.  They once wrote a book called "Cruel
   Jokes to Play on Dear Friends" that summarizes their philosophy on life and
   magic perfectly.


Benjamin Robinson adds:  Imagine a magic act.  Now imagine a magic act that
   Matt Groening might have imagined.  They'd probably be a subversive,
   irreverent duo who liked to flout the conventional standards of their field
   [*].  In other words, they would be Penn and Teller.  Their routines often
   involve Teller being placed in some jeopardy, from which he may or may not
   escape, by the glib Penn.  Sometimes, it appears that something goes wrong,
   and Teller is injured and killed.  Naturally, it's all an illusion; Teller
   -- the same Teller since the inception of the act -- is back in fine form
   for the next performance. Although mute onstage, he can and does talk in
   real life and occasionally on the TV specials, as well.  Penn, in an
   unusual sideline, wrote a column on computers for one of the PC/Windows
   mags. Now that's a neat trick.

   [*] Not that magic is a very formal field, but still ...


Wilson Banswell asked:  Everywhere I see info about tonight's episode "BABF02
   - Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder", I see something saying Teller will speak.
   So what's so great about that?


Dean Humphries answered:  Because except for the "Penn And Teller Get Killed"
   movie, he never has.


Which is more or less true, but there are some exceptions.  Punky Eliza noted:
   On "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart [Capt. Twill says it was Craig Kliborn --
   Ed.] asked him to "SAY SOMETHING!!!" and so he thought for a moment and
   then swore so it'd have to be bleeped out.  But technically he did speak
   ...


Jeff Fisher:  In a "Babylon 5" episode, Teller "whispers" into Sheridan's ear,
   but we viewers can't hear him.


Don Del Grande:  This is NOT the first time Teller has spoken on television;
   he spoke (quite a bit) in the Discovery Channel's three-part series on
   magic.


>> Well, that still beats Krusty Ebola-flavored Jawbreakers

Benjamin Robinson:  Krusty confesses that his gum is a carrier of the
   Hantavirus. "Hantavirus" is a class of viruses with a scarily high
   mortality rate. A few years ago, an outbreak struck Native American
   reservations in the "Four Corners" area.  Eventually, health officials
   traced its spread to mouse and rat droppings.


>> "Access Springfield"

Eric Stein:  "Access Hollywood" A daily syndicated television series devoted
   to news on the entertainment industry which premiered in September 1996
   hosted by Pat O'Brien and Nancy O'Dell. The format is very similar to the
   long-running "Entertainment Tonight," with less of a tabloid lean than
   "ET."  "Access Hollywood" is produced by NBC, and is used to promote the
   network whenever possible (i.e. clips from the night before's "Tonight
   Show," "Saturday Night Live," etc.).  The program was heavily promoted when
   it first aired, but it never caught on and "ET" still has many more
   viewers.


Seth Miller doesn't think it's a goof that Homer could catch up to Otto:
   Actually, if we assume he jumped shortly afterward (granted, he wasn't even
   IN line) he COULD have caught up,  by putting your body in different
   positions you can greatly vary your rate of fall, if you've ever watched
   skydiver stunts you've seen people zip by each other, both in freefall.
   which makes it implausible, but not IMPOSSIBLE.


>> Moleman by day, Mole King by night

Joe Klemm writes about the movie inspiring Hans' underground kingdom:  "The
   Mole People" is one of the better known sci-fi films of the 1950's-1960's.
   The film is about two archeologists who discover a lost civilization inside
   the Earth.  There, they meet up with a group of albinos that worship the
   god known as Ishtar, with one of the heroes falling for a servant girl
   whose skin is similar to normal people.  Also inhabiting the world inside
   the Earth is a race of mole-like creatures that, until the arrival of the
   archeologists, are used as slaves by the albinos.  The film, in recent
   years, has appeared on "Mystery Science Theater 3000," with the MiSTied
   version featuring a bit where Mike tries to spoof the scientist that
   explains possible theories of the Earth in the film's prologue.


Daniel L. Dreibelbis adds:  Oh yeah, and let's not forget two of the stars of
   Mole People: Alan Napier, who played the leader of the albinos, would later
   become more famous as Alfred Pennyworth in the BATMAN television series,
   while one of the heroes is played by Hugh Beaumont, AKA Ward Cleaver.


Eric Sansoni takes up the Marvel angle:  I don't know where the idea of Mole
   People originated, but they also played a big part in Marvel Comics
   Fantastic Four, which debuted in the '60s.  In one of the earliest issues,
   a villain named The Mole Man was introduced, who actually bears a striking
   resemblance to Hans Moleman, with his small stature, hunched, shriveled
   look, and glasses, but not perhaps his fancy green supervillain costume.
   Of course the Mole Man lives deep beneath the earth with his army of mole
   people henchmen, where he hatches schemes to cause trouble for surface-
   dwellers.

   Another reason I mention this is because the leader of the Fantastic Four,
   Mr. Fantastic, has the same elastic super-stretchy powers as Bart developed
   in BABF01, however, Mr. Fantastic's came from exposure to cosmic rays on an
   outer space excursion.  So this makes two almost-references to Fantastic
   Four in two consecutive episodes.  On the other hand, the references could
   be referring to older instances of either cliche.


>> Homerwork

In the unlikely event that Lisa gets stumped doing her homework, she can
   always turn to <alt.tv.simpsons>.  Several people rose to the challenge of
   listing words where "y" is the vowel.  [N. B., as Darrel Jones points out,
   "y" has to be the only vowel in the word -- Ed.]


First up -- Rilchiam:

   Cry
   Scry
   Fry
   Ply
   Spy
   Try
   Sty
   Sly
   Dry
   My
   Why
   tryst
   cyst
   gyp
   gym
   hymn
   shy
   why
   lynx
   spry
   pry
   dry
   rhythm
   myth
   wry

"Sweepings":

   lynch
   crypts

Andrew Levine:

   rhythms (longest English word with only a single y as a vowel)
   syzygy (one of my personal favorite words, and the only word in English
   whose only vowels are three or more y's)


Laniakea:

   Sky
   Fly
   My

"Starchick517":

   Try
   Spy
   Cry

Joona I. Palaste:

   All Finnish words with Y in them.


Rick Nelson asks:  Lisa's extremely intelligent, uses words *I* don't use, and
   she needs help with coming up with words with "Y" as the vowel?  I assume
   she was just humoring Homer, but she should have had it done by the time
   she left class.


[This is another one of those categories we're closing out, so you don't
   really need to send up more contributions on it -- Ed.]


>> Is Homer-Winky Gay?

Benjamin Robinson:  For a children's show, "Teletubbies" has been the center
   of a lot of controversy.  In England, where the program is produced, it has
   been blasted for being a favorite of Ecstasy users coming down from their
   highs.  More recently, Jerry Falwell accused the purple Teletubby, Tinky-
   Winky, of being a front for the gay movement.  Or rather, as it turned out,
   one of Falwell's subordinates thought so and printed it in a Falwell-run
   newspaper.  (Falwell, blind-sided, stood by and then retracted the
   allegation.)  The crux of the argument was (a) Tinky- Winky was purple, (b)
   his antenna formed an inverted triangle, and (c) he carried a bag that
   looked like a purse.  (The article didn't say so, but I'm betting the name
   "Tinky-Winky" didn't help, either.) Well, if that's not conclusive evidence
   of homosexual orientation, then I don't know what is!  Note, by the way,
   that Homer's makeshift antenna is a wire hanger that resembles the dreaded
   inverted triangle.


>> Riptide!

Benjamin Robinson:  Where I live, the National Weather Service regularly
   issues riptide warnings as part of their hazardous weather package.
   Riptides are strong currents in the ocean that flow away from shore.  They
   can easily pull people out to sea, where they drown.  It is not unusual for
   a couple people to die each year as a result of riptides.  As usual,
   Homer's advice is wrong.  The weather service recommends swimming parallel
   to shore, which will get you out of the current. (Think of it as being a
   river within the ocean, flowing away from the shore.  Swimming parallel to
   the shore means swimming toward the edge of the river.  Keep doing that,
   and hopefully you'll be out of the current altogether.)

   Oh, and another recommendation is to swim only at beaches with a lifeguard
   on duty, who can fish you out of the sea if you run into trouble.  Be
   careful out there!


>> Music to rescue people by

And if you get caught by a riptide, let's hope there's an orchestra around, as
   Greg Steinmayer notes:  "Victory at Sea" was a 1950's TV program that
   detailed the Navy's role in WWII through lots and lots of combat footage.
   The music heard was the theme music for that program, composed by Rogers
   and Hammerstein.  The music alone was released on a series of LP's in the
   late 50's.  Where do the OFF writers get these obscure references?


>> ... a pathetic two ninety-something.

Mark S. writes:  Go back and look at the scoreboard at the end of the Maggie-
   300.  He took off the 5 points so that his daughter wouldn't beat him in
   the game ...

   Final Score:   Homer 296   Maggie 295

   I mean how would Homer feel if his own daughter beat him?


Seth Miller adds:  Incidentally, rolling a 296 is a REALLY nasty choke.  The
   only way to score this is to get 11 straight strikes and then only take out
   6 on the very last roll.  (Just as the only way to honestly come about a
   295 is taking out 5 after 11 straight strikes.)  If this was Homer's next
   game after perfection, he very well may hold a record for consecutive
   strikes.


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Pinpal Wizard


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {bjr}
==============================================================================
% It's morning, but like most of us, Homer isn't ready to face the 
% day.  He punches the "snooze" button on his alarm clock and catches 
% a few extra Zs.  Then a few more.  Then a lot more.  Homer stays 
% sound asleep as the clouds and the sun whirl by outside his window, 
% and the ebb and flow of people on their daily rounds surrounds him.  
% Finally, Homer wakes up, and is shocked to see that he's late for 
% work.
%
% In the kitchen Marge tries to feed Maggie.

Marge:	Num-num, Maggie, num-num.  [but she keeps dodging the 
	spoon]
Homer:	[running in] Did someone say num-num?
Marge:	I can't get Maggie to eat.  Maybe if you try ...
Homer:	Oh, I'm twenty-six hours late for work -- no time for 
	Maggie.
Maggie:	[looks disappointed]
Homer:	[notices a cereal box and picks it up] Ooh, Where's Waldo?  
	[looks] No, no -- this would be a lot easier without all 
	these people.  Nope, no [gasps] It's him!  No.
Marge:	Homer!
Homer:	Waldo, where are you?
	[as if on cue, Waldo walks past the kitchen window]
-- Oh, there he is, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% The traffic isn't cooperating with Homer, with all the streets 
% jammed with traffic.  Homer takes a proactive approach and pulls 
% onto the median.  One of Springfield's finest pulls him over.

Wiggum:	All right, smart guy, where's the fire?
Homer:	Over there.  [points to the Springfield PD, which is in 
	flames]
Wiggum:	Okay, you just bought yourself a 317:  Pointing out police 
	stupidity.  Or is that a 314?  No, no, 314 is a dog, uh, 
	in, no, is that a 315?  You're in trouble, pal.
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer finally makes it to his workstation at the power plant.

Homer:		[chuckles] I'd hate to see the look on old Burnsie's 
		face if he knew I was just getting in.  [the camera 
		draws back to reveal that Burns and Smithers are 
		standing right behind him]
Burns:		[clears throat]
Homer:		[reaches behind him.  His hands find Mr. Burns' 
		face]  Hmm, who is that?  [feels around] Big ugly 
		nose ... bald ... liver spot ... liver spot, hmmm.
		[grabs Burns' dentures and pulls them free.  With a 
		cash register sound, a new set pops into Burns' 
		mouth]
Burns:		Turn around, Simpson.
Homer:		No!  I can't get in trouble if I can't see you.
Smithers:	I'm afraid he's got us, sir.
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Burns turns Homer's chair around, forcing Homer to see him.  Homer 
% makes a break for it, and finds sanctuary in the reactor core.  He 
% doesn't elude Burns for long, though.  The old boss uses the 
% flexible arm protectors in the wall to strangle Homer, and the leg 
% protectors to give him a few swift kicks in the rear.
%
% To top it off, Homer is sentenced to a dark room deep within the 
% power plant, to eat toxic waste.  Lenny and Carl walk in to offer 
% sympathy and a night of bowling, which Homer happily accepts.
%
% Marge gets a phone call.

Marge:	[answering phone] Hello?  Homer, where are you?  You 
	promised you were going to have a tea party with Maggie.
	[cut to Maggie's room, where she's set up a tea party with 
	some stuffed dolls.  One chair, evidently reserved for 
	Homer, is empty.  Maggie looks at other guests and shrugs, 
	as if she's trying to explain her father's absence]
Homer:	[on phone] Oh Marge, I'm sorry, I can't make it.
	[cut to Homer at the bowling alley]
	The coolant tank just blew and they're taking Lenny to the 
	hospital.
Marge:	Oh, no, not Lenny -- not Lenny!
Homer:	Yes, I'm going to have to work late instead of seeing you 
	and the kids, which is what I really want.
Marge:	Okay, sure.  [hangs up] Kids, turn off the TV.  [they do 
	so] I have some bad news about Lenny.
Bart +
 Lisa:	Not Lenny!
-- Anyone but Lenny!  "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% But Lenny is safe and sound at the bowling alley, making up off-
% color initials for the automatic scoring machines.  He and Carl take 
% "POO" and "ASS," leaving Homer with nothing good.  Homer's so mad, 
% he sees Burns' face in his bowling ball, and takes out his 
% frustration by bowling the old man to a strike.
%
% As the local bullies torment Milhouse with the Shine-O Ball-O, Homer 
% keeps bowling strikes.

Lenny:	Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row.  You've got a 
	perfect game going.
Homer:	Really?
Carl:	Careful what you say, Lenny; you'll jinx him.
Lenny:	Oh, right, sorry.
	[Homer steps up to the line, and gets ready to bowl]
	Miss!  Miss!  [Homer and Carl glare at him] Sorry, I was 
	calling the waitress.  [to waitress] Ah, this split you 
	sold me is making me choke.
Homer:	Lenny!
Lenny:	What?  I paid 7.10 for this split.
Carl:	Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?
Lenny:	Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth.  [Homer strikes Lenny by 
	throwing a bowling ball at him]
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Despite Lenny's unwitting distraction, Homer continues to bowl 
% strikes.
%
% Meanwhile at Homer, the kids spend their afternoon with Krusty.  
% Springfield's favorite children's host addresses the camera.

Krusty:		Kids, today we have to talk about Krusty Brand Chew-
		Goo Gum-like Substance.  We knew it contained spider 
		eggs, but the Hantavirus, well, that really came out 
		of left field.  [At home, Bart blows a bubble.  When 
		it pops, dozens of tiny spiders run off]  So, if any 
		of you've experienced numbness, or comas, send proof 
		of purchase and five dollars to:  Antidote, PO Box 
		14 --
Brockman:	[interrupting Krusty's video feed] This is Kent 
		Brockman, live from Barney's Bowl-A-Rama, where 
		local pinhead Homer Simpson is on the verge of a 
		perfect game.
Lisa:		Hey!  There was no accident at the plant.  Dad just 
		wanted to go bowling.
Marge:		He shouldn't have deceived me, but I'm just so 
		relieved Lenny's okay.
		[looks at a picture of Lenny, which has been set up, 
		along with a rose and a candle, on the end table]
		[cut back to the news]
Brockman:	This could be the greatest individual achievement in 
	the history of Springfield, which proves just how 
	pitiful this town is.
-- We needed proof of that?  "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer is now just one strike away from the Holy Grail of bowling.  
% Marge, with the kids in tow, walks in the bowling alley and stands a 
% respectful distance away from Homer.

Marge:	Now listen, your father really needs to concentrate, so 
	we'll just stay here, and not disturb him.
Homer:	Why won't they come over?  I'm so lonely.
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Time seems to slow down for everyone as Homer lofts the ball toward 
% the pins.  (Everyone but Abe, for who slow motion is the only kind 
% of motion.)  The ball not only finds its mark, but sets off an 
% explosion that obliterates pins in several adjacent lanes.
%
% As the crowd cheers, two clerks each turn keys on their console, 
% releasing a perfect-game celebration balloon, which drifts slowly to 
% the floor.  Jubilant, Homer spikes his bowling ball.  It goes clean 
% through the floor, hitting some unfortunate person below.
%
% [End of Act One.  Time:  7:22]
%
% With the pressure off, Marge can congratulates her husband.  Homer 
% triumphantly scratches "Bowl perfect game" off his to-do list, and 
% then thanks the Big Man -- Carl.
%
% Bowling a perfect game has its perks, aside from the sheer 
% satisfaction of the achievement itself.  Homer, for instance, gets 
% to speak before Bart's class a hero.

Krabapple:	Children, today's local hero is Homer Simpson.  
		[class cheers] Mr. Simpson bowled a perfect game 
		without the aid of steroids, crack, angel dust, or 
		the other narcotics that are synonymous with pro 
		bowling.
Homer:		Thank you, Bart's teacher.  [she takes her seat] You 
		know, kids, my teacher said I'd never amount to 
		anything -- and until last week, they were dead 
		right.  But now, I've achieved perfection.  [goes to 
		write "PERFECTION" on the blackboard, but gets 
		stymied at "PER".  He gives up and puts down the 
		chalk]  Any questions?  [calls on Milhouse] Yes, 
		Bart's weird friend.
Milhouse:	Will you be my Dad?
Homer:		[chuckles] You've got a father.  He's just a dud.  
		Next question.  [calls on Terri] Yes, the girl Bart 
		has a crush on.
Bart:		Ohhh.
Terri:		Do you think I could grow up to be a doctor?
Homer:		Hey, this was supposed to be about me.  Now any 
		other questions?  [begins calling on other children] 
		Pumpkin Face?  Headgear?  Chicken pox?  Smelly?  
		Lazy eye?  [calls on Bart] Spiky head?  Okay, class 
		dismissed.  Rock on!
		[the children gleefully abandon the classroom]
Krabappel:	Wanna split the birthday cupcakes?
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer's fifteen minutes of fame keep ticking on "The Springfield 
% Squares."

Announcer:	Live from Shelbyville, it's "The Springfield 
		Squares," featuring our new center square, Homer 
		"Perfect Game" Simpson.
		[audience applauds]
Homer:		[walks up to Ron Howard, who is center-bottom 
		square] Hey, Hi, Ron.  [climbs on top of Mr. Howard 
		to get to the center square]
Howard:		There's a stairway, dumb-ass!
Brockman:	[laughs] Okay, we'll start with our returning 
		champion, Disco Stu.
Stu:		Disco Stu's gonna groove up some dough playing tic-
		tac-toe.
Brockman:	[aside to Stu] Uh, Stu, we like to downplay the 
		resemblance to tic-tac-toe.
Stu:		I can dig it.  Hit me with the center square.
Brockman:	Ah, Homer?
Homer:		Yes, Kent?
Brockman:	According to "Redbook" magazine, what is the speed 
		of light?
Homer:		Well, yeah, uh, wait ... do I read from the sheet 
		labeled "Jokes" or "Answers"?  [holds up two pieces 
		of paper]
Brockman:	Oh, for the love of ... stop tape!
Howard:		Make me center square, Kent.  I'm ready -- I can 
		handle it.
Homer:		Dream on, drunkie.
Howard:		Oh that's it.  You're going down!	
		[does an acrobatic backflip up to center square and 
		attacks Homer]
Itchy:		Stop it, you two, you're making Scratchy cry.
Brockman:	Oh, we've got to stop putting these flavors of the 
		month on.
Homer:		Flavor of the month?  Me?
Howard:		Yeah, Homer, you can't just ride one accomplishment 
		forever.  Why do you think I stopped acting and 
		became a director?
Homer:		I don't know, because you weren't cute anymore?
Stu:		Hmmm, I'll agree.
Brockman:	Circle gets the square.  Goodnight, everyone!
		[Howard attacks Homer again, as the theme music 
		comes up]
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Somewhere in Springfield, the irreverent magic duo of Penn and 
% Teller entertain a packed auditorium.  For their next trick Teller 
% is in a chair suspended over a shark tank.  The chair rope is strung 
% over a pulley, and a back of quick-drying cement acts as a 
% counterweight on the other end of the rope.  Teller's chair sinks 
% slowly toward the waiting sharks.

Penn:	Now before my partner Teller hits the shark-infested 
	water, I'll need to borrow someone's crossbow.  [several 
	dozen audience members offer crossbows] I only need one!  
	[takes one] Now to save my partner's life, I'll need 
	complete --
Homer:	[walks onstage] Hello, everybody!  Did somebody say, "a 
	perfect game?"
Penn:	You idiot!  You'll ruin everything!
Homer:	[aside to Penn] I'm doing a walk-on.  It's a show-business 
	thing.  [to audience] So, how are you all doing?  Let's 
	see, what's in the news today?
Teller:	Will you shut up?
Homer:	Hey, I thought you never talked.
Teller:	Uh, I didn't mean to.  It just slipped out.  Oh, God, now 
	Penn's going to beat me.
Penn:	[laughs] Folks, it's all part of the act!
Teller:	No it isn't!  Don't leave me alone with him!
Penn:	[to Homer] You've ruined the act!  I'm going to kill you!
Teller:	He'll do it!  I'm not the first Teller.
	[Penn points the crossbow at Homer]
Homer:	Remember Springfield, keep on swingin'!  [runs offstage]
Penn:	Hey, come here!  I, I just want to talk to you.  Come 
	here!  Come here!  [chases Homer]
Teller:	[as chair gets nearer to the sharks] Ooh, ooh, guys?
-- A neat trick, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Maggie happily watches an episode of "The Happy Little Elves."  The 
% elves assure Maggie that she is a special person.  Homer walks in, 
% changes the channel, and nudges Maggie aside.
%
% We now join "Access Springfield," already in progress.

O'Brien:	 ... Burt Reynolds apologized to the Pope, and 
		promised to replace the windshield.
O'Dell:		Burt Reynolds, class act.  Well, now for our weekly 
		segment, "Yesterday's News," featuring Homer 
		Simpson.  Are you as bored as I am with the antics 
		of this warmed-over Fred Flintstone?  I say it's 
		time to put this one-trick pony out to stud.
Homer:		Woo-hoo!  First up:  Maude Flanders!
Marge:		Homer!
Homer:		But she said I --
Lisa:		Dad, what she's saying is, you've had your moment in 
		the sun and now it's time for you to gracefully step 
		aside.
Homer:		Lisa, I know what's going on here.  They did it to 
		Jesus, and now they're doing it to me.
Marge:		Are you comparing yourself to Our Lord?
Homer:		Well, in bowling ability.
-- Homer 3:16, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer's only loyal friend is the bowling alley "300" balloon.  Even 
% it turns on him, as Homer accidentally inhales it.  Marge suggests 
% Homer shake his blues by talking things over with his life partner.  
% That, he does.

Homer:	I can't believe it, Moe.  The greatest feat of my life is 
	already forgotten.
Moe:	Geez, Homer, I never seen you so depressed.  As your life 
	partner, I'm very worried.
Homer:	Save your tears, Moe.  Save 'em in a shot glass for 
	someone who still has a shred of hope.
Moe:	A shred of what?  I'm sorry, I was counting the cocktail 
	radishes.
Homer:	[sighs and leaves]
Moe:	Now, where was I?  Two ... three, three radishes.  Three 
	big radishes.
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer wanders the streets of Springfield, singing the universal 
% theme of the suicidally depressed, "The End."  As he finishes, he 
% arrives at the front door of the Springfield State Building.  Homer 
% takes the elevator to the top, where's a "Jumpers" line.
%
% At the head of the line, Homer prepares his famous last words.

Homer:	Well, world, this is it.  You know, I always thought you'd 
	die before me.  Now as I prepare my soul for an eternity 
	of fire and poking -- 
Man:	Yeah, less chat, more splat, pal!  [pushes Homer]
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% [This is the end ... of Act Two.  Time:  13:46]
%
% As Homer plummets toward the street, he has second thoughts about 
% the whole suicide thing.  Normally, this would be a bad time for 
% reconsideration, but on the way down Homer happens to meet Otto, who 
% is bungee-jumping off the building.  He grabs on, but his extra 
% weight stretches out the cord.  Otto and Homer fall through an open 
% manhole in the street, sailing past the Morlocks, past the 
% C.H.U.D.s, and finally into the underground lair of the Mole People.

There is no escape from the fortress of the Moles.  [Homer and Otto's 
cord springs back, yanking them back up to the surface] Oh, except 
that.
-- Hans Moleman, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer lands safely on the street.

Homer:	Oh, Lord, you saved me.  I guess you had some higher 
	purpose in mind.
	[a car almost runs over Homer.  It's Ron Howard]
Howard:	Hey, look out!  [sees Homer] Oh, dumb-ass.  You trying to 
	get yourself killed?
Homer:	Not anymore, Ron.  Now, I'm looking for something to 
	dedicate my life to.  Something noble but easy.
Boy:	Daddy, stop talking to that bum.
Howard:	Look, I'd love to help you out, Homer, but I'm taking my 
	kids to the zoo.
Homer:	That's great -- even big stars take their kids to the zoo.
Howard:	Well, it's a different zoo, containing animals *you've* 
	never heard of.
Girl:	Daddy, we're missing the fantastipotamus.  She only sings 
	twice a day.
Homer:	That's it!  Kids are the answer.  I'll dedicate my life to 
	my children.
Howard:	Really?  You have children?  Aw, well look, here's some 
	money.  [hands Homer some bills]
Homer:	[putting the money in his shirt pocket] No.  I don't want 
	your pity or your money.
Howard:	Usually when you say that, you give the money back.
Homer:	I do what, now?
Howard:	[takes money out of Homer's pocket] Yoink!
	[drives off]
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% First, Homer tries to connect with his boy, but Bart has already 
% learned to find father figures where he can:  Construction workers, 
% the internet, even Nelson.  Trying his luck with Lisa, Homer asks if 
% he can help her with her homework.  When he hears the assignment -- 
% find three words where "y" is the vowel -- he quietly backs out of 
% the room.
%
% Finally, Homer realizes he can lavish attention on Maggie, "the 
% forgotten Simpson."  This may not be such a good deal for Maggie.  
% When Homer tries baby-talking to her, he appears, from her 
% viewpoint, to be grossly distorted and scary.  (Not to mention the 
% fact that he woke her up from her nap.)  She tries to get away, but 
% the door is closed.
%
% Next, Homer perches Maggie on the couch.  He's dressed to resemble 
% one of the Teletubbies, with a wire-hanger antenna and a TV strapped 
% to his waist.

Hi, Maggie!  I'm Homey-Womey, the Teletubby -- and I'm all man, in 
case you heard otherwise.  Let's see what's on tummy-vision!  [turns 
on TV and is immediately shocked.  Maggie cowers from the sight]
-- Homer Simpson, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% In the back yard, Homer playfully tosses Maggie into the air, 
% catching her as she comes down.  Toss.  Catch.  Toss.  Catch.  Toss 
% -- and then nothing, because Maggie doesn't come back down.  
% Instead, she's caught the laundry line, and travels hand-over-hand 
% in a bid to get away from Homer.  She gives up when Homer reels her 
% back in.
%
% The resistance doesn't daunt Homer, who vows to win her over the way 
% he did with Lisa.  (When she hears this, Lisa snaps her window 
% blinds shut.)
%
% Perhaps a daddy/daughter baby swim class will help bridge the gap.

Instructor:	Okay, dads.  This is where your child's trust in you 
		really pays off.
Homer:		[more like Curly than Homer] D'oh!
		[the instructor blows the whistle and the babies 
		jump into the water -- all but Maggie]
		Come on, Maggie, you can trust me.  Come to Daddy!
		[switch to Maggie's point of view, where she sees 
		Homer as a sea monster.  He makes noises that sound 
		similar to "come to Daddy"]
		Ohh.
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer tries to patch things up on the drive home.

Homer:	I'm sorry Maggie.  I never realized things had gotten this 
	bad.
	[a butterfly alights on the windshield]
Maggie:	[points to the butterfly]
Homer:	What are you pointing at?  The ocean?  That's a great 
	idea!  We'll swim in the ocean.
Maggie:	[slaps her forehead]
-- What we have here is, failure to communicate, "Hello Gutter,
   Hello Fadder"

% Maggie stands on the beach, at the water's edge.  Homer has waded a 
% few feet into the water.  He tries enticing her by saying the ocean 
% is like a bathtub, but with barracudas and moray eels.  There's one 
% other addition -- waves that can wash a man out to sea.  Suddenly, 
% Homer is caught in a riptide.  (Hmmm, make that *two* additions.)
%
% Swimming against the current is useless, so Homer tries sinking to 
% the bottom.  This way, he can run to shore.  Unfortunately, his 
% ability to hold his breath isn't quite up to the task.  He rises to 
% the surface and tells Maggie to call Aquaman for help.  Then, he 
% slips beneath the waves again.
%
% Maggie takes the plunge to save her Dad from Davy Jones' locker.  
% She swims to the spot where she last saw Homer, and pulls him back 
% to the surface.  As Homer thanks her, he sinks again.  Maggie rolls 
% her eyes and re-rescues him.  "Oh, you do love me," says Homer.
%
% Back on shore, Dr. Hibbert gives Homer a quick check-up.

Hibbert:	Mr. Simpson, you're going to be fine -- although you 
		do seem to have swallowed a number of shark eggs.
Homer:		Actually, that was before I went in the ocean.
Hibbert:	Well, I don't want to pry into your personal life --
Homer:		Then don't.
Marge:		Doctor, how could a little baby save a full-grown 
		man from drowning?
Hibbert:	Ho, ho, it's quite simple.  When a parent's life is 
		in danger, a child can summon super-human strength.
Homer:		And all I care about is that my little girl loves 
		me.  And we're going to spend a lot more time 
		together from now on.
-- "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% And that time is to be spent at Barney's Bowl-A-Rama.  Maggie rolls 
% a ball slowly to the pins, knocking them all down.

Good girl, Maggie, you knocked down all the pins.  But, you stepped 
over the line just a little bit, so I'll have to give you a five.  
That gives you a final score of ... 295.  Looks like Daddy won, but 
295 is awfully good for a baby.
-- Homer Simpson, "Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"

% Homer tickles his daughter, and she laughs.  Another "perfect game" 
% balloon drops from the ceiling, and Homer takes a second out from 
% tickling to bat it away.
%
% ... and that's how Homer bonded with his other daughter.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time:  20:09]

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{al}  Adam Long
{bc2} Brian Corvello
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{cg}  Curtis Gibby
{cp}  Chris Palm
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{dm}  Dan Mo
{ds}  David Sibley
{eg}  Ed Gein
{es}  Eric Sansoni
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{jg2} Joe Green
{jj}  John Jensen
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{jlb} Jason LoBrutto
{ksl} K. S. Lee
{ma}  Matthew Anscher
{rb}  Rich Bunnell
{rg}  Richard Green
{rk}  Ray Kassinger
{tdm} Travis D. McLemore, Jr.
{woh} Will O'Hargan

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
transcript itself is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson.  This capsule has been
brought to you by Barney's Bowl-A-Rama.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.