Religion on the Simpsons Maintained by Bruce Gomes   Originally by Dave Sweatt Updated  April 2014 Books About Simpsons & Religion Episodes With Religious Themes First Church of Springfield Marquee Announcements Sunday School Bible References Holy Water References References to Heaven and Angels Prayers Other Religious and Misc. References Religious Music and Singing
	Rabbi Krustofsky and his Son Krusty the Clown
The Simpsons are "a positive example to children" and have "a strong sense of family values"     - The Most Rev and Rt Hon the Lord Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams

The Gospel According to The Simpsons
The Spiritual Life of the World's Most Animated Family
Bigger and Possibly Even Better! Edition
by Mark I. Pinsky (get it at Amazon.com)

Religion journalist Pinsky offers a thoughtful and genuinely entertaining review of faith and morality as reflected through the irreverently sweet comedy of The Simpsons.

The Gospel According to The Simpsons: Leaders Guide for Group Study
by Mark I. Pinsky (get it at Amazon.com)

A companion to the best-selling The Gospel According to The Simpsons: The Spiritual Life of the World's Most Animated Family, this 10-session study, for youth and adults, embarks on an exploration of the religious themes prevalent in the popular animated comedy series. Each session correlates to a chapter in the book and suggests an episode for viewing prior to the discussion. Topics include prayer, morality, God, pluralism, the institutional church, hell and the devil, and the Bible.

The Springfield Reformation
The Simpsons, Christianity, and American Culture
by Jamey Heit (get it at Amazon.com)

Discusses how The Simpsons articulates a `systematic theology' that blends important elements of contemporary American religious culture with a clear critique of the institutions and individuals that participate in and uphold that culture. Even though The Simpsons is clearly a product of American popular culture, its writers offer up a well-planned, theologically astute religious climate in the cartoon world of Springfield. This world mirrors America in a way that allows the show's viewers to recognize that Christianity can hold together a family and a town that is rife with `sin,' broadly speaking, while at the same time exposing these very shortcomings.

Mixing It Up with The Simpsons  (UK)
12 Sessions on Faith for 9-13s
By Owen Smith (get it at Amazon.co.uk)

Mixing it up with The Simpsons uses extracts from episodes to help youth groups connect with key Christian beliefs in a contemporary format - from Lisa the Beauty Queen (issues of self-image) to Mr. Plow (the importance of friendship).

What Does The Bible Say About The Simpsons  (UK)
What's so gripping about Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa?
By Damaris (get it at Amazon.co.uk)

Part of the Connect Bible Studies series, providing four lesson guides.

Flanders' Book of Faith
The Simpsons Library of Wisdom
By Matt Groening (get it at Amazon.com)

A light hearted look at Flanders and Religion.

For more information on these and on every book ever published about The Simpsons in any language see The Simpsons Book List!

[7G08] "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" - Christmas theme in our first episode!

[8F05] "Like Father, Like Clown" - Krusty finds his father Rabbi Krustofsky

[9F01] "Homer the Heretic" Homer gives up church

[3F02] "Bart Sells His Soul" - Bart sells his soul for $5

[5F23] "The Joy of Sect" - The Simpsons Family join the Movementarian cult until Marge comes to her senses and rescues the family

[AABF14] "Simpsons Bible Stories" episode featuring Adam & Eve, Moses and David & Goliath.

[BABF10] "Alone Again, Natura-Diddly" - Maude Flanders death leads Ned to question God and his faith

[BABF11] "Missionary: Impossible" - Homer becomes a South Seas missionary

[CABF15] "I'm Goin' to Praiseland" Ned Flanders opens Praiseland Amusement Park

[DABF02] "She of Little Faith" - First Church of Springfield struck by Simpson rocket and burns; temporarily goes commercial! Lisa becomes a Buddhist.

[EABF06] "Pray Anything" - Homer believes in the power of prayer and The Simpsons end up living in the church

[FABF01] "Today I am A Clown" - Long delayed, Krusty finally has a Bar Mitzvah

[GABF09] "The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star" - Bart and Homer convert to Catholicism

[GABF14] "Thank God, It's Doomsday" episode mimics the book "Left Behind" with "Left Below" about the end times (or Armageddon, as described in the book of Revelation from the Bible)

[HABF01] "Simpsons Christmas Stories", with segments "The First D'oh-El", "I Saw Grampa Cussing Santa Claus" and "The Nutcracker...Sweet"

[HABF11] "The Wettest Stories Ever Told" includes as its first segment The Mayflower, with the flight of the puritans to the colonies for religious freedom

[HABF14] "The Monkey Suit" covers evolution vs. creationism

[JABF01] "Kill Gil, Volumes 1 & 2" Another Christmas episode, opening with Christmas couch scene, ice capades; When Costington's Department Store Santa Gil gives Lisa a sold out Malibu Stacy set his boss had set aside for his daughter, Gil is fired on Christmas Eve, so the Simpsons let him stay for Christmas Eve

[KABF21] Not an episode, but a winter wonderland / Christmas themed opening, entirely redone for this episode

[MABF10] Ned Flanders takes OFF to Israel attempting to redeem Homer

[MABF22] Not one, not three, but four Christmas themed segments

[SABF01] Springfield as only town with snow hosts the world for Christmas

[7G07] Sermon on Gambling

[7F20] Marriage Retreat

[9F14] Alconon Meetings

[9F14] Coping with Senility

[9F21] 'Hallelujah Trading Cards' Sale

Joseph of Arimathea [26 conversions in 46 AD]

autographed Methuselah rookie card

[1F14] Bingo (loosest cards in town)

[1F14] Wednesdays---Monte Carlo Night

[1F14] Saturday---Reno Retreat

[1F14] Outing on the Church Bus

[4F07] Rescue Center

[4F16] Church Thrift Shop "Nobody beats the Rev"

[5F16] Church picnic

[BABF10] Kovenant with Rachel Jordan sings

[DABF02] Struck by Simpson rocket and burns; temporarily goes commercial!

[EABF06] Homer believes in the power of prayer and The Simpsons end up living in the church

[RABF11] Reverend Elijah Hoopla trendy ways results in Reverend Lovejoy leaving First Church of Springfield

[7F13] God, the original love connection

[7F15] 2:00 Peterson Wedding  8:00 Hayride to Heaven

[8F05] [At Temple Beth Springfield] Rabbi Hyman Krustofski - This Saturday "Coping With Christmas"

[8F12] Every Sunday is Super Sunday

[9F01] Today's Topic: "When Homer met Satan"

[9F21] Today: "What a f iend we have in God"  Also: The Be Sharps

[1F05] Today's Topic: "Be Like Unto The Boy"

[1F14] Loosest Bingo cards in town

[1F21] Private Wedding  Please Worship Elsewhere

[2F04] Evil women in history: From Jezebel to Janet Reno

[3F02] No Shoes  No Shirt  No Salvation

[4F07] God welcomes his victims

[4F13] No synagogue parking

[4F18] Next Sunday: The miracle of shame

[4F18] The listen lady is in

[4F18] Today's Sermon: Conquest of the county of the apes

[5F02] Today's Sermon: Homer Rocks!

[AABF06] Today's Topic: He Knows What You Did Last Summer

[AABF14] Today's Topic: Christ Dyed Eggs For Your Sins

[BABF01] Ned Flanders: Husband Father Wack Neighbor (THOH episode)

[BABF05] Todays Topic: There's Something About the Virgin Mary

[BABF06] Todays Topic: Life in Hell

[BABF11] Bingo  7 PM

[DABF16] If You Were a Pastor, You'd Be Home Now!

[DABF17] Tomorrow: Homer Simpson Funeral

[EABF02] Welcome Pissed-Off Catholics

[EABF04] No Outside Eucharist

[EABF06] God: The Original Tony Soprano

[EABF06] Housewarming Party: Let There Be Light Beer

[FABF10] We Welcome Other Faiths (Just Kidding)

[FABF17] Is God Patriotic Enough?
    ["Springfield" in church name is covered with "Libertyville"]

[FABF20] Church Pot Luck: What a Friend We Have in Cheese Puffs

[GABF02] Rapture Threat Level: ORANGE [in orange lettering]

[GABF09] Are You A James the Lesser or A James the Greater?

[GABF15] Today: Bobble-Head Moses Giveaway

[GABF19] QUIT ST3ALING OUR L3TT3RS (Nelson comes along and steals the three 3's)

[HABF01] Christmas Service  Jesus: 2005 Years Young

[HABF09] Today's Topic: Jesus Hates You

[HABF14] Today: Church Council Meeting  Topic: Religion

[HABF18] Funeral Today: Homer Simpson's Vegas Wife

[MOVIE1] Thou Shalt Turn Off Thy Cell Phone

[MOVIE1] We Told You So (N.B. First Church of Springfield title is missing)

[JABF16] [THOH] Skull and Crossbones then switches to "Scaredy Cats Not Welcome"

[JABF18] Today's Topic: Jesus The *Real* American Idol (underlined)

[LABF05] Today: Shadrach, The Other Friend of Meshach

[LABF17] Today's Topic: Marge

[MABF04] Free Wi-Fi During Sermon

[MABF13] Get Your Ass In Here, Tim

[MABF20] Tomorrow: Bart's Funeral

[PABF10] We've Run Out Of Consoling Phrases

[PABF22] Your Refuge in a Sea of Trouble

[PABF22] Communion in 30 minutes or less or your service is free!

[RABF04] Tornados: God's Fickle Finger

[RABF11] Fear Not Saith The Lord

[RABF11] Today: Hangin' With Rev. Hooper

[RABF11] The Humility of Jesus [Flashing sign above that:] Deacon: HOMER Simpson

[RABF11] Jesus On Twitter: #IDIEDFORYOURSINS

[RABF11] Springfield: Now Mischief-Free!

[RABF18] Chip Davis Funeral Springfield's Most Beloved Character That You Never Saw

[SABF01] Welcome Out-Of-Towners

[SABF03] Joke?

[SABF07] Today: Volunteer Sign-Up

[SABF07] A Few Days Later...

[SABF08] Pray For The  oul  Who Is  tealing Our S'S
                 [Nelson then comes by and steals the two "S" letters]

[2F04] Established 1 A.D.

[2F04] Sunday School Teacher: Ms. Albright

[7G07] "will a gangrene leg be waiting for you?" "How about a robot with a human brain?" "How about a ventriloquist and his dummy?"

[7F13] "today's subject is hell. " "would you eventually get used to it like in a hot tub? Are there any pirates in hell?"

[9F09] "if he's good, he'll go to heaven."

[2F04] Jessica Lovejoy goes to Sunday School. [Bart wants to return] "We banned you from Sunday school. We were happy, you were happy, the hamster was happy."

General Bible References

[7F20] [Ned says] Sometimes Maude, God bless her, she underlines passages in my Bible because she can't find hers {hl}

[7F23] Homer buys Flanders' Bible for seven cents {hl}

[8F12] [Homer says] "Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the bible." Lisa asks him where, and he tells her somewhere in the back. {hl}

[8F16] After Todd says "damn vegetables", Ned tells him "No Bible stories for you tonight!" {hl}

[8F21] [Homer replies] Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say ``Thou shalt not take... moochers into thy... hut''? {hl}

[9F03] Bart has the Bible open upside down

[9F04] Homer swears on a Bible, which turns out to be a book of carpet samples {hl}

[9F18] Lovejoy, theoretically reading from The Bible to Lisa: ...and the Lord said, whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town will be a beacon unto others.

[1F14] Ned and his Bible group showed Stan the Man that he could have more [saved him]

[1F20] [Rev. Lovejoy says] "You ever sat down and read this thing? [holds up a Bible]"

[1F22] Maude Flanders goes to Bible Camp, learning to be more judgmental

[2F01] Homer: Look at this Bible I just got. 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except for this guy. {hl}

[2F02] Sideshow Bob says conservatives aren't all Charlie Bible Thumps {hl}

[2F04] [Ms. Albright says] "alright Bart, the Bible does teach forgiveness"

[2F12] Ned is saved from bullets by his Bible and an extra large piece of the cross {hl}

[3F01] The Flanders play Bombardment of Bible Questions

[3F01] Ned Flanders (about to baptize Simpsons kids): Today we write a new page in the Flanders family Bible.

[3F13] A fiercely determined band of pioneers leaves Maryland after misinterpreting a passage in the bible.

[4F07] [Ned says] "I've done everything the Bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff."

[5F02] [Wiggum says] the Bible says a lot of things

[5F22] Librarian: You've checked out this bible every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one?  Lovejoy: Perhaps. On a librarian's salary.

[AABF06] [Homer says] "the Bible is finally pulling its weight. Got any more holy numbers?"

[AABF14] Episode Title: Simpsons Bible Stories

[AABF14] Krusty: Wait a minute, I have something on the Canaanites...

[AABF14] Bart (as King David): I hope this doesn't get into the Bible.

[AABF14] Lisa: It's the rapture, and I never knew true love

[BABF10] Rod and Todd have "Billy Graham's Bible Blaster" video game

[CABF02] [Lovejoy says] "As it says in the Bible.." (and then cuts himself off when he sees Mr. "X", aka Homer Simpson)

[CABF03] Flander's Holy Bible (Homer attempts to con Flanders into buying a bible)

[CABF15] Bible Gum flavour ice cream at church festival

[DABF11] Flanders: (to Homer who has just asked a biblical question) I've got a book right here that's jam packed with answers!

[DABF11] Flanders reads the entire bible to Homer at his request

[EABF06] Ned Flanders, winning a contest: Gosh, $50,000! I'm donating this whole check to Bibles for Belgium.

[EABF06] Annie Leibowitz photo of Rev. Lovejoy on a bed of bibles

[EABF08] Ned imagines a Bible.. which turns into a dancing lady..

[EABF09] Crawl line: Bible Says Jesus Favored Capital-Gains Cut...

[EABF15] Homer: It would have been a lot worse if I hadn't been carrying this Bible in my crotch.

[FABF02] Ned takes out a Bible as he arrives at the (empty) Springfield Men's Mission

[GABF02] Bart reads "The Bible for Wise-Asses"

[GABF04] Lovejoy: The Bible forbids same sex relations. Marge: Which book? Lovejoy: Which book? The Bible!

[GABF04] On Kent Brockman talk show

Lovejoy: Well, call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage [as] described in the bible..

Homer: If you love the Bible so much why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife....and you're the wife! HAHAHAHAHA

[KABF17] Criminal: Who's there? Flanders (as bounty hunter): Bible salesman! (holding the good book)

[LABF15] Bart: What's "The Answer"? Spokesperson: Only the bestselling book/DVD since The Bible.

[MABF08] We see Burns reading the Bible after his temporary conversion in prison.

[MABF10] Ned: Thank you all for coming. Now let's start with the words everyone loves to hear: Welcome to Bible study!

[NABF03] Homer takes a Bible out of the nightstand and tears out ribbon to use in another book.

[NABF05] During James Lipton interview a converted Rebecca (who played Lizzie in Thicker Than Waters) is holding a Bible.

[PABF05] Moe's bar sponge talking to Moe's rag: Oh right, and I was the Gutenberg Bible.

List of Bible Books on Flanders Bookshelf  [3F01]

Top Shelf:

Aramaic Septuagint

Psalms

Childrens Bible

Holy Bible

Good News Bible (1966, American Bible Society)

St. James Bible

NSV (New Standard Version)

Todays Family Gnostic Bible

Hebrew National Bible

The Thump Resistant Bible

Samaritan Pentateuch

Song of Solomon

Bible

Middle Shelf:

NASB (New American Standard Bible, 1971, Lockman Foundation)

The Living Bible (1971, created by Kenneth N. Taylor, paraphrase of American Standard Version)

...Bible

Holy Bible

New King James (NKJV, 1982, published by Thomas Nelson, Inc.)

Hebrew Interlinear NKJ (Hebrew and English, line by line)

NASB (New American Standard Bible)

The Vulgate of St. Jerome (early Fifth Century version of the Bible in Latin)

The Word (KJV and alternate translations from 26 sources, Baker Publishing Group, June 1998)

Who Begat Whom

The Bible According to Hoyle

Bottom Shelf:

Bible

NIV (New International Version)

[1F18] Bart tells the story of when his dog drank all the holy water

[2F07] Abe Simpson says "legend has it my great-grand pappy stumbled upon this recipe when he was trying to invent a cheap substitute for holy water"

[3F01] Homer gets holy water poured on him in the river by Ned Flanders. Homer responds as if he's a vampire being destroyed by the holy water.

[4F16] Agnes Skinner said that Bart's dog "unholyed the holy water"

[AABF06] Moe asks Ned if his secret to looking young is holy water. He then splashes his face with some and he cries out "It burns!" [as we hear sizzling sounds]

[BABF11] Appears in cooler aboard plane with Homer on his missionary flight

[7G04] Flanders family drives off into heaven

[7G07] [Ms. Albright] "Heaven is for people"

[7G07] [Bart says] "Apes can't get into heaven."

[7G07] [Lisa says] Valhalla is where Vikings go when they die

[7F10] Bart is about to go to heaven. Then he goes to Hell and meets the devil. {rg}

[7F11] [Lisa says] Hm. Friday night. Pork chops. From cradle to grave, etched in stone and God's library somewhere in heaven... {hl}

[7F11] Homer listens to Larry King reading the bible on tape: "In the beginning, God created heaven and earth..."

[7F13] [Lisa says] Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven. {hl}

[7F15] 8:00 Hayride to Heaven

[8F17] [Homer says] "In doggie heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt."

[8F17] God calls Santa's Little Helper to heaven "come to the light boy..."

[9F01] [Ben Franklin is in heaven playing air hockey] "That's the game, Hendrix"

[9F01] Lisa: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be..

[9F02] [Homer says] "Is that Lisa? Ooooh, I gotta call heaven. There's an angel missing!"

[9F09] [Ms. Albright says] "if he's good, he'll go to heaven."

[9F22] [Sideshow Bob says] Very well, Bart. I shall send you to heaven before I send you to hell. {hl}

[1F14] [Lisa, watching Homer liftoff] "How doth the hero strong and brave, a celestial path to the heavens pave"

[1F14] Homer: If everyone here were like Ned Flanders, there'd be no need for heaven: we'd already be there. {hl}

[2F18] [Rev. says] See you in hell! From heaven. {hl}

[2F21] Maude hopes that they have US Magazine in heaven

[2F22] Bart says there are numerous angel sightings in Springfield

[3F04] [the Rev. says] "Do you see a light Homer?" "Move into the light my son."

[3F04] [the Rev. says] "Be strong Marge, he's gone to a better place."

[3F12] Bart: I can't believe Krusty is really gone. Homer: Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities. John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Josef Stalin... {hl}

[3F19] [Grampa says] "...and I want you to know that when I die, you're all welcome to visit me in rich men's heaven." {hl}

[3G01] [the Rev. says] "I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens..."

[4F14] [Merl says] "Geech gone to heaven, Mr. Terwillidjer"

[4F19] [the Rev. says] "I'm sure he's looking down from heaven right now....."

[5F03] [Ralph says] "You're going to heaven."

[5F05] town believes they have found the fossil of an angel

[5F05] Homer says that no one gets into heaven without an angel glowstick

[5F05] Heavenly Hills Mall has a grand opening

[AABF14] The Flanders ascend into heaven

[AABF14] Homer: Where do you think you're going missy? (grabbing Lisa and pulling her down as she ascends to heaven)

[AABF14] Lovejoy reading from the Bible: "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.."

[AABF15] [Ned Flanders says] Looks like heaven's easier to get into than Arizona State!

[BABF12] Moe: It's like I died and went to heaven!

[BABF17] Homer: Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters. So how's Maude Flanders doing up there? Is she playing the field?...

[CABF15] Homer, ordering ice cream: One Tower of Babel and build it to heaven.

[CABF15] Skinner: I saw heaven! Bart: Was I there? Skinner: No, it was heaven. My vision of heaven.

[DABF16] Angel as Homer's conscious appears on Homer's shoulder

[FABF02] Luke: (Flanders reads) "...and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy, which will be to all people.."

[FABF02] Homer (to Rev. Lovejoy and Ned): I'm not looking for glory or wealth, I'm just buying that Stairway to Heaven Jesus sang of. Ned: That was Led Zeppelin.

[FABF09] Lou: ..and What causes thunder? Chief Wiggum: I say it's angels bowling.

[FABF23] [THOH] Ned, Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie appear as angels.

[GABF14] Homer's dreams he goes to heaven during the rapture

[KABF16] Transformer zaps tree Angel into Angel skeleton

Slowly adding to this to fill in missing prayers. Submissions welcomed, but exact quotes are required. Note however that not every exclamation to the Lord will be included here, God bless us.

[7G04] Bart: Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.

[7G04] Homer:
Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty even though we don't deserve it. I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions. Pardon my French, but they act like savages. Did You see them at the picnic? Of course You did. You're everywhere. You're omnivorous. O Lord, why did You smite me with this family?

[7F01] Bart:
Dear God, we pay for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.

[7F02] Homer:
Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen.

[7F03] Bart prays to cancel school:
Well, old-timer, I guess this is the end of the road. I know I haven't always been a good kid, but, if I have to go to school tomorrow, I'll fail the test and be held back. I just need one more day to study, Lord. I need Your help! (Lisa: Prayer: the last refuge of a scoundrel.) A teachers' strike, a power failure, a blizzard. Anything that'll cancel school tomorrow. I know it's asking a lot, but if anyone can do it You can. Thanking You in advance, Your pal, Bart Simpson.

[7F07] Homer:
And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. Anyway, we'd like to thank You for the occasional moments of peace and love our family has experienced. Well, not today, but... You saw what happened! Oh, Lord, be honest! Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what!

[7F07] Homer:
O Lord, on this blessed day, we thank Thee for giving our family one more crack at togetherness.

[8F04] Marge:
Dear Lord. If you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground, I'll try to be a better Christian. I don't know what I can do... Mmm... Oh, the next time there's a canned food drive, I'll give the poor something they'd actually like, instead of old lima beans and pumpkin mix.

[8F05] Krusty says the blessing at the table:
Baruch atah adonai, eloheinu, melech ha'olam, hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz.
[Blessed are you Lord, our G-d, king of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth.]

[9F01] Lisa:
(Lisa prays when they discover the church doors are frozen shut)
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be..
Bart: Lisa, this is neither the time nor the place.

[9F01] Marge Prays for Homer:
Lord, my husband is by no means perfect, but he's a kind, decent man. Please show him the error of his ways. He doesn't mean to be sacrilegious, Lord. He just likes to sleep in on Sundays. Lord, please. He's not a bad person, Lord, really. He just sometimes...(inaudible) He doesn't mean any harm.

[9F01] Ned Asks for Help Saving Homer
Dear Lord, may your loving hand guide Homer to the mattress, square and true.

[9F09] Ned Prays in the Hospital
Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and Sweatin' to the Oldies, volumes one, two and four.

[9F09] Homer Prays in the Hospital
Dear Lord, I'm really scared about this operation tomorrow. If something happens, please look after Marge and please make sure my kids grow up right.

[2F10] Homer Prays For No Changes
Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me, and I am thankful. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal; you freeze everything as it is and I won't ask for anything more. If that is okay, please give me absolutely no sign. Okay, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.

[3F02] Lisa says grace at Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag
Lord have mercy on my soul. And Mom's soul. And Dad's soul. And Maggie's soul. and make every soul in Christendom (Bart interrupts)

[3F02] Bart prays for his soul
Bart: Are you there God? It's me, Bart Simpson. I knew I never paid too much attention in church but I could really use some of that good stuff now. I'm afraid. I'm afraid some weirdo's got my soul and I don't know what they're doing to it. I just want it back. Please? I hope you can hear this.

[5F07] Bart prays for presents
Bart: Dear Santa, if you bring me lots of good stuff I promise not to do anything bad between now and when I wake up, amen.

[5F22] Homer prays for help stealing grease
Homer: Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing how you can watch women changing clothes and all that. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity. Bart: Dad, he's not stupid. Homer: All right screw it, let's go!

[AABF05] Ned: Dear Lord, please make tonight's production better than Othello with Peter Marshall.

[AABF06] Should Ned Gamble?
Flanders, looking up at the heavens: Oh Lord, what should I do?
Casino (over ceiling speaker, using deep, God like voice): Keep gaming.
Flanders: What?
Casino: It means gambling. Keep gambling.

[BABF17] Homer:
Dear Lord, bless this humble meal, and did You hear about Krusty? Whoo, man! I mean, I knew he was a player, but jeez, a kid! (Marge: Homer, that's not a prayer, that's gossip.) Homer: Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters. So, how's Maude Flanders doing up there? She playing the field? Ooh, yeah, really? All those guys? [The rest of the family gasps] Amen.

[DABF20] Mountain folk: Say your prayers! Bart: Oh Lord, please strike these mountain folk dead.

[EABF02] Bart: What should I do, Lord? Give me a sign.

[EABF06] Flanders: Lord make my shot straight and true.

[EABF06] Homer: (first of many as Homer learns the power of prayer)
Homer: Oh, merciful God, who has blessed mankind with two kinds of clam chowder. Help me find the remote.

[EABF06] Homer:
Homer: Oh Lord, please guide that diaper (flung by monkey Noodles on the Monkey Olympics) into someone's schnozz.

[EABF06] Homer:
Dear Lord, as I think of You dressed in white with Your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at Your right hand, shoveling popcorn chicken into Thy mouth. Lord, could You come up with a delicious new taste treat like he did? I command You. (episode unfortunately also closes with an image of this)

[EABF06] Homer:
Oh heavenly God, my son is plagued with homework. With Your vast knowledge of "The Shore Birds of Maryland", I know You can help him.

[EABF06] Homer:
Lord, please use Your space-age clog busting power on this stubborn drain. Then, take some time off for Yourself. Fly to France. Have a nice dinner. Oh Lord, I see Thy art working through Thy imperfect vessel Marge. For Thou art most wise...

[EABF06] Homer:
Lord, this is a dire emergency. If You could fix my house, or make a new house from one of my ribs...

[EABF06] Flanders:
Lord, this town may have turned its back on You but not the Flanderses. Wherever we are You'll have Your church.

[EABF06] Homer:
Homer: Oh wet and wonderful God, your flood has driven us to the roof of your church. Surely this has proven whatever point you had.

[EABF06] Reverend Lovejoy:
Dear Lord, please spare this little town. They were misled by a demon in blue pants.

[FABF21] Bart:
God, please give Your daughter the tooth fairy the strength to carry my cash and the integrity not to dip her wand in the till.

[FABF21] [THOH] Ned:
Lord, why have you given me these unholy visions of doom!

[GABF04] Homer:
Oh Lord, please help me say the right words this afternoon as I consecrate another gay union that angers You so. And please let Thy holy spirit open the heart of my wife. Amen.

[HABF03] Pirate:
We must pray to Santa Maria to save us. Santa Maria de Guadalope, mystical rosa, interceda por .. (lightning strikes the ship.) One of you were not praying!

[JABF02] Marge:
Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy.  Homer: And as always, have fun watching.

[JABF03] Homer:
Oh, Mother sea, giver of fish, taker of boats, toilet to the world. The Greeks call you Poseidon, the Romans call you ... Aquaman. Look into thy starfish heart and protect our souls so we might live to go tubing on thee again." (It's Neptune)

[MOVIE1] Flanders, seeing the thousand eyed creature:
Well... this certainly seems odd. But who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh... we thank you Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job.

[KABF17] Ned Flanders, as a bounty hunter:
Dear Lord, thank you for creating so many evil criminals for us to bring in and also thank you for my partner Homer who.. (interrupted by Homer)

[KABF17] Ned Flanders, as a bounty hunter:
Lord in Your mercy could You give my friend a stroke?

[LABF09] Rev. Lovejoy, in days of Queen Elizabeth:
Lord Jesus, although our country turned protestant for the soleful reason that our fat mean King could dump his faithful wife, we know you're on our side. So please destroy these horrible monsters [Catholics] who believe your mother should be revered. Sir Walter "Homer" Raleigh: Amen.

[MABF10] Ned Flanders, in Israel, trying to redeem Homer
Lord, please help Homer experience the redemptive power of this sacred land,..(Homer interrupts)

[MABF10] Prayer Krusty leaves on the Kotel;
Dear Lord, please fix the following parking tickets, A647253, SP90325, Shelbyville 932871...

[MABF10] Prayer Homer leaves on the Western wall;
Dear Lord, Don't let Marge find out the hotel leaves chocolates on the pillows at night. Love, Homer

[MABF10] Ned Flanders, in Israel
..and Lord, thank you for letting me be in this wonderful place where the end of the world will soon begin. And thank you again for the challenge of Homer Simpson. We all got our crosses to bear; me, Homer, you, the cross.

[MABF14] Bart, praying for the windmill
Bart: Dear Lord, you got the wind I need, I've got the prayers you crave. Let's make a deal!

[PABF10] Homer, praying to pass the SNPP drug test after drinking:
Homer: Oh Lord, I have once again besotted my liver with thy fermented gifts. If you can weasel me out of this physical I will blow your mind by doing something incredibly holy. At some point. Amen. Now to mumble in a religious fashion. (sotto voce) Dear God oh Lord oh God oh Lord Oh Lord God Oh Lord almighty dab-a-dab-a-dab-a-mub-mumb-mum...

[PABF10] Homer, praying over dead robots:
Homer: Axles to axles, rust to rust, Amen.

[PABF15] After being rewarded the role of Jesus in The Springfield Passion Play:
Homer: Oh Lord, why have you placed this fearsome burden on my shoulders?

[PABF15] Ned at the dinner table:
Oh Lord, please bless our blended family... Todd: ..and thank you for cigarette mom.

[PABF22] Homer after breaking his Mapple:
Oh Lord, when things look darkest you gave me light. Then you switched it off, knowing full well I had declined thy infernal Mapplecare. Please grant me the wisdom to understand thy capricious nasty mind. And please please make the next swing of the yo-yo an up. Amen. Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie: Amen. (Maggie signs herself)

[RABF02] Homer: Dear Lord, if Thy tornado must take me, please let it take me to Oz, but DON'T let Flanders be the scarecrow.

[RABF02] Homer (in tornado): Help me God! What am I paying you for every Sunday!

[RABF09] Homer: Hail, Superman, wearing tights, Clark Kent be thy name. One nation, under Zod...

[RABF18] Bart: Dear Lord, please help me land safely. Or.. transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen.

[RABF20] Marge: Dear Christian God,..  Lisa: Hey!!   Marge: Sorry.  Dear God... you know which one I mean.  Thank you for returning our Homey.  He's still got a lot of unfinished business down here.  Amen.

[MG22] Lisa and Bart dance a pagan rain dance

[MG22] Lisa and Bart escape from Homer by running into Church.

[7F01] Mr. Burns, closing in his political commercial: Good night and G-D bless.

[7F02] Homer prays "Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen."

[7F03] Bart prays for snow

[7F03] [Lisa says] prayer, the last refuge of a scoundrel

[7F03] [Lisa says] I heard you last night Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is exactly. All I know is He's a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together, and you owe Him big.

[7F03] [Bart says] "As God as my witness, I will pass fourth grade"

[7F03] [Bart says] "..sit in the back row...it goes for church, too"

[7F03] [Bart says] "Part of this D- belongs to God."

[7F07] [Homer gives Thanksgiving prayer] "..we are especially thankful for nuclear power..."

[7F07] [Selma, after Homer prays] "Worst prayer yet."

[7F08] Flanders family pray before the game {hl}

[7F08] Flanders: The Lord's certainly given us a beautiful day!

[7F09] Rev. Lovejoy sign at I&S rally to stop violence: For Heaven's Sake - Make Them Stop Fighting

[7F09] Kent Brockman: Join us tomorrow when our topic will be "Religion: Which is the One True Faith?"

[7F10] Marge mentions that kids worship ghosts at Hallowe'en

[7F13] episode title is 'Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment'

[7F13] many of the commandments are broken in the Mt. Sinai scene

[7F13] Homer's prison number is 7734, which spells 'hell' upside down on any calculator

[7F16] Herb's executives want to name a car after the Greek goddess Persephone

[7F20] [Homer says] "What about that big bash we had with all the...and holy men and everything"

[7F22] Homer tells the story of Hercules and the lion that he thinks is a Bible story {hl}

[7F24] Rainbow Man in the crowd holding a sign, John 3:16

[7F24] [Bart says] "Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too."

[8F02] Montgomery Burns: Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God.

[8F04] During the meltdown a group of employees pray

[8F04] [Marge prays] "If you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground I'll try to be a better Christian..."

[8F05] Krusty doesn't like to do the Jewish stuff on the air

[8F05] Krusty prays in Hebrew [he's talking funny talk]

[8F05] Krusty's father is a Jewish Rabbi, Hyman Krustofsky

[8F05] Jewish Temple Beth Springfield is seen

[8F05] Bart: Does it not say in the Babylonian Talmud "..a child should be pushed aside with the left hand and drawn closer with the right."?

[8F05] Bart: Is it not written in the Talmud "who will bring redemption?"

[8F05] Gabbin' About God radio program

[8F05] Ace Religious Supply sponsors Gabbin' about God. "If we don't got it, it ain't holy"

[8F05] Monsignor Kenneth Daly is on the 'Gabbin' panel

[8F05] First call-in question to Gabbin' about God: With all the suffering and injustice in the world do you ever wonder if God really exists?

[8F08] Moe: Jeepers, Mary and Joseph, I sleep with a chick once it costs me half a million bananas.

[8F09] Chalkboard gag: The Christmas Pageant does not stink

[8F10] Marge explains to Homer that "You light up my life" is about God

[8F10] [Homer about God] "...no wait....he's always mad"

[8F11] Chalkboard gag: I will not carve gods

[8F11] Bart impersonates God to Rod & Todd

[8F20] Side Show Bob recites the first two noble truths of the Buddha

[8F21] [Marge says] "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me" {hl}

[8F22] Saint Sebastian's School for Wicked Girls is run by Nuns

[8F22] [Ms. Krabappel says] "Ezekiel and Ishmael, in accordance with your parents' wishes, you may go out into the hall and pray for our souls."

[9F01] Homer discusses his religious beliefs
Homer: What's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday. I mean, isn't God everywhere? Bart: Amen, brother. Homer: And don't you think that the almighty has better things to worry about then where one little guy spends one measly hour of this week? Bart: Tell it, Daddy. Homer: And what if we pick the wrong religion? Every week were just making God madder and madder. Bart: Testify!

[9F01] Homer talks with God in his dreams
Homer: God? God: Thou hast forsaken my church!
Homer: Well, kind of, but.. God: But what?
Homer: I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?
God: Hmmm, you've got a point there. You know, sometimes even I'd rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?
Homer: No, they moved to Phoenix. God: Oh, yeah.
Homer: You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons. God: Oh, I couldn't agree more. That Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore. Homer: Give him one for me. God: I will. (at this point Snowball I stops by and rubs against God) Homer: So I figure I should just try to live right and worship you in my own way.
God: Homer, it's a deal. Now, if you excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico.

[9F01] Homer imagines himself as St. Francis of Assisi, with a squirrel and birds flocking to him.
Homer: Hello, my animals friends. Peace be with you.
(next seen they're in the shower with him)
Homer: Guys, please, could you give me five minutes?

[9F01] [Homer declares a religious holiday] The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

[9F01] [Moe's religion] I was born a Snake Handler, and I'll die a Snake Handler.

[9F01] Ned's car has a Christian fish symbol on the back

[9F01] Krusty collects money for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns [a religious clown thing]

[9F01] Apu: I have a shrine to Ganesha, the God of worldly wisdom located in the employee lounge. Homer: Hey, Ganesha, want a peanut? Apu: Please do not offer my God a peanut.

[9F01] God sends rain to put out the fire at the Flanders home

[9F01] Lisa: Truly, this was an act of God.

[9F01] Homer prays "Oh spiteful one, show me who to smite, and he shall be smotten"

[9F01] Apu says there are 700 million Hindus

[9F01] God tells Homer "Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year"
God: Don't feel bad, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.
Homer: God, I gotta ask you something. What's the meaning of life?
God: Homer, I can't tell you that. Homer: Come on.
God: You'll find out when you die. Homer: I can't wait that long. God: You can't wait six months?
Homer: No, tell me now. God: Well, Okay. The meaning of life is..(theme interrupts)

[9F03] Bart: Time really flies when you're reading the (looks at book for first time) ewww... the Bible!

[9F04] Homer: Good evening. I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there - religious types mostly - who might be offended.

[9F04] Marge: Homer, did you just call everyone (the audience) chicken? Homer: No, I swear on this Bible. Marge: That's not a Bible. That's a book of carpet samples. Homer: Ooh, fuzzy.

[9F05] Marge: Did you notice how slanted he (Ned) looked? (because Simpson house is tilting) Homer: All part of God's great plan.

[9F05] Homer (after Marge suggests she work for SNPP): As the Bible says, thou shall not horn in on thy husband's... racket. Marge: Where does the Bible say "racket"? Homer: It's in there. {dm}

[9F05] Marge: Last week some Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door and I wouldn't let them leave. They snuck away when I went into the kitchen to get more lemonade.

[9F08] Rod and Todd play Good Samaritan "I get to clothe the leper" "lucky!" We see Jericho and Jerusalem.

[9F09] [Homer asks Reverend Lovejoy for $40,000] "Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yakking, I'm usually either sleeping or mentally undressing the female parishioners..."

[9F09] [Homer asks Rabbi Krustofsky for $40,000] "Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I have rented Fiddler on the Roof, and I will watch it..."

[9F09] [Homer asks Surdrudinma Baradad for $40,000] "Now I haven't been the best....oh forget it."

[9F09] Springfield Hospital sign says "NO PRAYING"

[9F11] rental movie with Hercules and Zeus

[9F14] Homer is unable to come up with a Bible verse to overcome the spider's curse {hl}

[9F14] Marge: Do you ever drink alone? Homer: Does the Lord count as a person?

[9F17] Lisa: Like Hallowe'en and Christmas, April Fools' Day traces its origins to pagan ritual. Homer: God bless those pagans.

[9F17] the Simpsons are pagans, the Flanders are Christians

[9F18] Springfield Christian School "We put the fun in Fundamentalist dogma"

[9F20] Todd Flanders speaking in tongues. {hl}

[9F20] Bailiff: Next case. The National Council of Churches vs. Lionel Hutz.

[9F21] signs in the crowd say "Wiggum is God" and "Barney is God"

[1F05] [Bart says] Today, I am a god!

[1F05] a gold statue of Brad Goodman [false idol] is worshipped

[1F06] [Milhouse says] "Our prayers have been answered."

[1F06] Rod and Todd attempt to reach God from the trampoline. "Each leap brings us closer to God." "Catch me Lord, catch me." "What have we done to make God angry?" "You did it."

[1F06] Church Picnic flare gun firing mentioned

[1F07] episode title is a parody of the controversial movie 'Last Temptation of Christ'

[1F07] Ned asks, did anyone pray for giant shoes?

[1F09] Cat burglar steals Flanders' Shroud of Turin beach towels {hl}

[1F10] Patty and Selma sticking pins in voodoo doll of Homer. {hl}

[1F10] [At an Indian airport] "If you're saved and you know it, clap your hands..." [Hare Krishna's say] "Oh, great...Christians."

[1F14] Homer thinks a waffle on the ceiling is God "God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. Why do you mock me, O Lord?"

[1F14] [Homer says] I know I shouldn't eat thee....mmmm, sacrilicious."

[1F14] Ned blesses the food, the butchers, and the middleman

[1F14] Rod and Todd are watching "The Sin of Envy" cartoon

[1F14] Todd says "Lies make baby Jesus cry."

[1F14] [Wiggum asks Ned] "Where's your messiah now?"

[1F14] [Grampa says] "Let's sacrifice him to our God..." {hl}

[1F15] Ned thinks the elephant stampede is a sign of the apocalypse

[1F17] Rod and Todd say "Yeah! Judgement day!"

[1F18] [Ned says] "May the Lord bless and keep you..."

[1F18] [Ned says] "..thank the Lord for another beautiful school day."

[1F18] [Supt. Chalmers says] "That sounded like a prayer... A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls..."

[1F19] Marge's brother Arthur used to say "shoot em' all and let God sort em' out".

[1F22] Amish farmer appears {hl}

[2F01] [Chalkboard Gag] "I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr."

[2F01] 2 Radio preacher's sermons "7 signs of evil"

[2F02] Sideshow Bob: It's high time people realized we conservatives aren't all old Johnny Hatemongers, Charlie Biblethumps or even, god forbid, George Bushes.

[2F04] Rev. Lovejoy: ..and with flaming swords, the Aramites did pierce the eyes of their fellow men and did feast on what flowed forth.
Although scripture is often quoted on The Simpsons, this line is pure Simpsons; it or the event itself does not appear in the Bible.

[2F04] [Ms. Albright says] "Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels"

[2F04] the prodigal son is mentioned {hl}

[2F04] [Grampa asks] "What is it, a Unitarian?" {hl}

[2F05] [Homer says] "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing..." {hl}

[2F06] Homer: I need help! O God help me! Help me God! (phone rings) Homer: (slowly, in anticipation) Helllllo? God?: Hello Homer, this is God..frey Jones from the TV show rock bottom.

[2F09] God is on Homer's Revenge List

[2F09] Homer: I always wondered if there was a God, and now I know. There is, and it's me.

[2F11] Homer: It's times like this I wish I was a religious man. Lovejoy: It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer!

[2F17] Bart: I can suck up to him (Milhouse, aka Radioactive Boy) like the religious people suck up to God!

[2F20] Cathedral of the Downtown "Archbishop carries less than $20"

[2F20] Smithers, in confessional: Father, I'm not a Catholic. I *tried* to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade.

[2F31] Skinner burned at stake for teaching the earth revolves around the sun {hl}

[2F31] Grampa chases photographer for stealing his soul {hl}

[3F01] Ned has a Hallelujah Chorus air horn

[3F01] The Flanders attempt to Baptize Bart and Lisa

[3F01] Ned Flanders (about to baptize Simpsons kids): Who wants to be the first to enter God's good graces?

[3F01] Ned Flanders (about to baptize Simpsons kids): Do you reject Satan, and all his empty promises?

[3F01] Bart: Wow, Dad you took a baptismal for me! How do you feel? Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.

[3F02] Bart prays for his soul

[3F07] Lisa: Hey I thought Krusty was Jewish? Bart: Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

[3F07] Homer, to Bart: Stealing? How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons in church? Captain what's-his-name?

[3F09] [Homer says] "So I thought to myself, what would God do in this situation?" [Bart says] "Locusts!"

[3F09] [Homer says] "It's all in the Bible, son. It's the prankster's bible." {hl}

[3F10] Holy Rollers bowling team

[3F10] God knocks down a bowling pin for Ned

[3F12] Troy McClure: We'll be sitting shiva (for Krusty) at the Friar's club at 7 PM and again at 10.

[3F12] Bart: ...my mom says God never closes a door without opening a window.
Krusty: No offense kid, but your mom's a dingbat.

[3F16] Itchy says Catholic prayer in Latin {hl}

[3F20] Apu replaces Ganesha with a magazine rack

[3F21] Bart: "What religion are you?" Homer: "You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh... Christianity."

[3G01] [Mulder says] " ...voodoo priests of Haiti..." {hl}

[3G04] Apu: ...and although my religion strictly forbids military service, what they hey?, I'm in too.

[4F02] The Genesis Tub people think Lisa is God and Bart is the Devil

[4F02] The Genesis Tub people are Lutherans {hl}

[4F07] Ned prays in response to hurricane Barbara

[4F07] Ned thinks insurance is a sin [gambling]

[4F07] Rod and Todd are playing Jericho "Daddy says dice are wicked, so we just move one space at a time."

[4F07] Ned prays "Why me Lord...?"

[4F08] Homer praying at church {hl}

[4F08] Fat Tony puts ad in church bulletin {hl}

[4F10] [Homer prays] "Oh Lord, protect this rocket house, and all who dwell within the rocket house."

[4F13] [Rod and Todd are praying] "Please make Lisa tell us a bedtime story, about robots"

[4F14] Bart prays for God to kill Side Show Bob

[4F20] Christian love is mentioned as wholesome and good

[4F21] [boy says] "That is why God created hazing"

[4F22] Wild man on NY subway, to Lisa: OK, just send it to Jesus, care of the pentagon.

[5F01] [Homer says] "...I felt this incredible surge of power...like God must feel when he's holding a gun."

[5F02] religious persecution of witches occurs in Sprynge-Fielde, 1649

[5F02] Homer rocks naked in the church

[5F04] Rev. Lovejoy, after a comment about serving at Apu's wedding: Well, Christ is Christ. And I consulted a Hindu web site!

[5F04] Apu: I'm really doomed. Only the Gods could stop this wedding now.

[5F04] Homer then attempts to impersonate Ganesh "I am the God Ganesh!"

[5F04] Indian man, in Hindu: You are Not Ganesh! Ganesh is graceful!

[5F04] Bart tearing out pages from hymn books for holy fire {hl}

[5F04] Apu: Do you think this marriage will work? Manjula: Who knows. We could get a divorce. Apu: Of course! God Bless America!

[5F05] Pope John Paul II appears {hl}

[5F05] Christian Science Reading Room is set on fire

[5F05] judge rules that religion must stay 500 yards away from science at all times

[5F07] [Barney says] Jesus must be spinning in his grave

[5F10] episode title is a parody of the controversial movie 'Last Temptation of Christ'

[5F10] [Bart says] "Why do we need church shoes, Jesus wore sandals?"

[5F10] [Homer replies] "well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him"

[5F11] [Homer says] God is my favorite fictional character

[5F11] Ned and Maude sell religious hook rugs on the internet

[5F13] Bart: Oh Lord, I thank you for this bounty I'm about to receive...

[5F15] "Pray for mojo" is a voodoo chant {hl}

[5F16] [Homer says] "If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin."

[5F17] [Homer prays to Superman] "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman."

[5F18] Homer is nude on top of a large glass church

[5F19] Homer wants to look down on God's Creatures from his parasail

[5F20] [Homer's prayer] "Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and all that, but if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity."

[5F21] [Kent Brockman news] phony pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth

[5F21] Homer imagines Ned as a minister conducting his funeral

[5F22] Librarian: You've checked out this bible every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one?  Lovejoy: Perhaps. On a librarian's salary.

[5F23] Mr. Burns tries to impersonate a new God

[5F23] the Movementarian cult comes to Springfield

[5F23] Moe says "it's back to good old fashioned voodoo" then sticks pins in voodoo doll of Barney {hl}

[AABF01] [Homer says] "Oh great, Mormons"

[AABF01] Kang and Kodos are Quantum-Presbyterians

[AABF03] a Mennonite minister is scheduled to conduct church services at FCS

[AABF03] [Bart says] Why can't we go Catholic so we can get communion wafers and booze?

[AABF03] [Marge says] "No one's going Catholic, 3 children is enough thank you"

[AABF03] Lisa prays "I need a miracle. C'mon, you owe me"

[AABF05] the Flanders family prays before eating

[AABF06] [Ned prays] "Oh Lord, what should I do?" Response: Keep gaming. It means gambling, keep gambling.

[AABF07] [Homer being interviewed by Ken Brockman] "..I want to thank Jesus.." (For having the Isotopes win)

[AABF08] Rosey Grier's Porta-Chapel

[AABF08] [group prayer] "...wandering orphaned Oakland Raiders may someday find a home, Lord, hear our prayer..."

[AABF08] catholic church seen

[AABF09] [Bart prays] "...and thank you God for the bad things adults do, which distracts attention from stuff I'm doing, amen."

[AABF10] [Homer prays] "Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!"

[AABF12] Ganesha Shrine in the Karma-Ceuticals Store

[AABF13] Jehovah's Witnesses approach the Simpsons home

[AABF14] Blackboard: I cannot absolve sins

[AABF14] Homer: Oh man, this is the hottest Easter ever

[BABF01] [Homer prays] "Dear God. It's Homer. If you really love me, you'll save my life right now."

[BABF10] Moe mentions he's banned from the church

[BABF10] Parking space at First Church of Springfield "Reserved for Parishioner of the Month N. Flanders"

[BABF10] Rock band plays at First Church of Springfield - Kovenant

[BABF10] Bumper sticker: "If this van's a-swayin, I'm in here a-prayin!"

[BABF10] Baha'i appears in Billy Graham's Bible Blaster game at Flanders {db}

[BABF11] Most of this episode - Homer becomes a missionary!

[BABF14] Homer: Hey Flanders, can your God do that?

[BABF17] Homer: Dear Lord, bless this humble meal...

[BABF20] Carl: The 9 has less to do with Satan which is a plus in this religious world of ours (discussing area codes)

[BABF22] Flanders family watch "The new adventures of Gavey and Jobriath" (parody on Davey & Goliath) Ned says its "Approved by "The council of PresbyLutheran ministers!"

[BABF22] Homer: I accidentally proved there's no God.

[BABF22] Homer: Play God is all you do!

[CABF01] Lisa, observing family: Now they're making popcorn... and hanging Christmas Stockings ...and coloring Easter Eggs

[CABF01] Homer: You call that saying grace? (strangling Bart)

[CABF01] Homer, to Lisa: Oh praise God! You're Alive!

[CABF02] Dancing Jesus web site

[CABF03] Homer: God conned me (Homer justifies conning other people)

[CABF03] Grampa: If we don't take their money they'll just give it to some televangelist

[CABF03] Marge: You were carjacked? In the Church parking lot? Homer: We had stopped in for a quick prayer...

[CABF04] Homer: Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!

[CABF04] Kent Brockman: Yes, whether your Christian or just non-Jewish everyone loves Santa Claus

[CABF04] Homer: Let's just say Lisa gave me an early Christmas present - the gift of dignity.

[CABF05] Warden: (to crowd) He's in here for erecting a Nativity scene on city property. Marge: There's so much evil in the world.

[CABF05] Jack, to Marge, obviously telling a lie: "This is the god's truth."

[CABF06] One snow angel coming up!....Why does that always happen? (Homer attempt to make a snow angel produces a snow devil)

[CABF06] Last day before Christmas break

[CABF06] Skinner shows movie: The Christmas that almost wasn't but then was

[CABF06] Lisa (with Camel head): Merry Christmas from The Simpsons!

[CABF09] Homer's blues song: Dancing away my hunger pain, Moving my feet so my stomach won't hurt, I'm kind of like Jesus, But not in a sacrilegious way

[CABF09] Duffman: New feelings brewing in Duffman...What would Jesus do?

[CABF10] Francis: God bless you Krusty

[CABF10] Krusty: You know I'd like to thank God for my success even though I never worshipped or believed in him in any way..

[CABF11] Homer: Marge, I finally discovered the reason God made me. To protect his tiniest most breakable creatures.

[CABF14] Model Church building in middle of Flanders' train layout.

[CABF15] Church Festival - "A Sundae Service You Can Swallow"

[CABF15] Ice cream flavours at Cruci-Fixins: Blessed Virgin Berry, Command Mint, Bible Gum

[CABF15] Unitarian Ice Cream - Lisa: There's nothing there. Lovejoy: Exactly.

[CABF15] Homer, upon receiving ice cream: Christ be with you.

[CABF15] They call her the Christian Madonna. (Rachel Jordan)

[CABF15] Rachel: They switched from Christian music to regular pop....They'll all go to hell

[CABF15] Flanders: Tomorrow I've got lifeguard duty at the baptismal pool

[CABF15] Flanders: Maude designed a Christian Amusement Park (includes a tithing pond)

[CABF15] Ned: I'd make this place into a shining beacon for the Lord...

[CABF15] You're so full of it...God's grace, that is. Ned: Oh bless you sir.

[CABF15] Ned: Gipetto's workshop will make a great stable for our Nativity scene.

[CABF15] At Praiseland: King David's Wild Ride

[CABF15] Carl: Any religion that endorses carob is not for Carl Carlson

[CABF15] Moe: I think it's a sign from God that we should all go crazy.

[CABF15] Bart: The power of Christ compels you to give Ned another $10.00

[CABF15] Disco Stu's dreams he skips past everyone and goes through the pearly gates. Travolta: Saint Peter, you just said you were full!

[CABF15] Ned, commenting on the miracle at Praiseland: There's no explaining God's will

[CABF15] "Rich: May the Lord have mercy on your gas sniffing orphan beating soul."

[CABF15] Homer: Christ be with you.

[CABF16] Homer, praying for Good Guys Award: Please let me win this Lord...cause if you don't...

[CABF16] Flanders attends a Chris Rock Concert - thinking it's a Christian Rock Concert

[CABF19] (About Jesus) Lenny: He's like six leprechauns... Carol: ...but a lot harder to catch

[DABF01] I'm Gabriel. (heavenly music is heard, a beam of light shines on the visitor) Homer: Huh?! A heavenly choir! You must be an angel! Gabriel: No. That's my pager. I'm a social worker.

[DABF02] Burns: The Lord is going to go for this in a big way! (Cross falls and strikes Burns on the head)

[DABF02] Lisa: I still believe in God. I just think there's another path to him.... or her. Marge: Her! (looking toward heaven) She's just kidding Mr. Lord!

[DABF02] Bart: How about [converting to] one of those religions where you eat a human heart?

[DABF02] Bart: How about [converting to] Methodist? Lisa: (more emphatically than before) NO!

[DABF02] Religious signs seen during Lisa's search for religion;

●  Bed, Bath and Baha'i

●  Whiskey a God God

●  Church of the Latter Day Druids

●  Amish

●   Springfield Buddhist Temple

[DABF02] Rev. Lovejoy: When will the church see any of this money? Burns: Well hell freezes over!

[DABF03] Frink: We thought we were God. (in reference to adding sugar to food products)

[DABF08] God calls on Joan of Arc (Lisa) to serve!

[DABF08] Joan of Arc (Lisa) prays to God to bless Momma and Poppa and Batran and Cocoa Chenelle

[DABF10] Lisa: (in reference to orphanage) ..and you can't hang up on a nun! Marge: That's right. They have *powers*.

[DABF10] Lisa: Look! It's the giant statue of Christ on Corcovado!

[DABF10] Homer: Hello Flanders I need 100 grand. Ned: I don't really have that much, but if you need it that bad, you'll be in my prayers. Homer: Go suck a bible.

[DABF10] At the Samba School: The Penetrada: It makes sex look like a church

[DABF11] Lisa: American corporations should stop playing God with nature.

[DABF11] Flanders and family praying at cross (from scarecrow) "God the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth..."

[DABF11] (After a stoned Homer suddenly recognizes Ned Flanders) Homer: Oh yeah, right. The God dude.

[DABF11] Homer: Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?

[DABF11] Homer understands basic tenet of Christianity: Homer: Wow. Wow. God does so much for me and he doesn't ask anything in return.

[DABF12] Krusty: Let's welcome Springfield's original God couple - Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders

[DABF12] Alien: Our planet has been observing your puny species since your planet was created 5,000 years ago... by God. (They both then make the sign of the cross)

[DABF13] Bart: Why does Dangerdog mean more to me than school or church? Jeff: Cause those things suck.

[DABF16] Marge, on death row, to Catholic priest: We appreciate you coming to comfort us, but we're not Catholic.

[DABF18] Flanders selling "Shoes for Jesus" at Springfield Shoe Expo

[DABF20] Flanders: I'd love to come over some time and watch that church channel. Seems like I'm spending all my money on religious pay-per-view, or as I like to call it, Pray per view.

[DABF20] Bart: ...and the Lord said, let there be crap. (starting the satellite TV)

[DABF22] Homer: ...but he's just like you or me or Jesus over there!

[EABF01] Homer: Your king needs these stilts. Dolph: Jesus is our only king!

[EABF05] Homer comments on his WWJD bracelet: Jesus? I thought it was Geppetto!

[EABF06] Homer: How come all the good things happen to Jesus H. Nice?

[EABF06] Marge: Most people pray silently. Homer: Marge, he's way the hell up there!

[EABF06] First Church of Springfield Bulletin (Homer shown sleeping in the pew) Jesus Died for this?

[EABF06] Moe: You can come to my church. Sideshow Mel: And what church might that be? Moe: St. Pauli Girl's Cathedral.

[EABF06] Bart: But what made the rain stop? Lisa: I don't know. Buddha?

[EABF07] Homer: (After too many Ribwich sandwiches at Krusty Burger) I have eaten the ribs of God!

[EABF08] Flanders: Open as a tomb on Easter!

[EABF10] Homer: It's St. Valentine's Day! God wants us to do it!

[EABF11] Homer: (Observing meteor shower) I wish God was alive to see this.

[EABF13] Ned: Writing a new Christmas Carol? Homer: Maybe. Ned: The Bible says it's fun to do things together!

[EABF13] Homer: I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.

[EABF14] Homer: Don't worry son, I'll build you a new tree house. One so grand it'll be an affront to God himself.

[EABF14] Marge: The Amish are so industrious! Not like those shiftless Mennonites!

[EABF14] Sign at Springfield Men's Mission: We Add God To Your Misery

[EABF15] Homer writes a fake letter to Flanders from Jesus: Dude, Meet Me In Montana. XXOO, Jesus (H. Christ).

[EABF16] (Sign on Ned's Beatle's door) Beware of God

[EABF16] Homer: I never knew you were such a Beatles fan. Ned: Of course I am. They were bigger than Jesus!

[EABF16] (In a note) We will crush you and smother your dreams. Yours in Christ, The Calvary Kids

[EABF17] Homer: That's because there was 7 apostles. Marge: No, there were 12. Homer: Boy, that's a big staff. And still he wasn't that funny.

[EABF20] Sign when the students are on strike: What Would Jesus Glue?

[EABF21] [THOH] Flanders: I'm dying! ..and there's Heaven! Who's that? Confucius! ..and Milton Berle! Boy have I been barking up the wrong tree!

[FABF01] Krusty the Clown's Wet 'N' Wild Bar Mitzvah

[FABF02] Lisa: (referring to The California Raisins playing Christmas) This is offensive to Christians and prunes!

[FABF02] Television: The Year Santa Got Lost Starring Jimmy Stewart as the voice of Mr. Mailman

[FABF02] Television: Mr. McGrew's Christmas Carol

[FABF02] Television: We see Urkel in a version of Christmas Carol

[FABF02] Television: Star Trek version of Christmas Carol

[FABF02] Mayor Quimby: Stop that! You can't pray on city property!

[FABF02] Springfield City Hall: God-Free Since '63

[FABF02] Astrolobe: Today is the birthday of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, and singer Barbara Mandrell. Merry Christmas!

[FABF07] Paul Lynde, Helen Reddy, Hudson Brothers Easter Special

[FABF07] Bart: Thank God we came to our senses and worship a carpenter who lived 2000 years ago.

[FABF08] Lawyer: You sir are a moron! Homer: A Morman? But I'm from Earth!

[FABF08] Marge: Do you know why no one likes you? Artie: Anti-Semitism?

[FABF10] Homer: Anything is possible. With a little help from my Bible (looking within for a liquor bottle). Oh no! It's a real one! Why God, why!?

[FABF16] Apu: Homer, tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me.
Ned: I was telling about how brave it is to worship a false god.
Apu: I do not worship one god, OK? I worship a whole stupid team of deities, that...

[FABF17] Bart: Nash, I've realized something. I'm the worse kid in the world. And the last thing I deserve is forgiveness. But with a little help from Jesus and our fighting men and woman overseas...

[FABF18] Burns: I pulled a Jesus. (after he's reborn)

[FABF22] Lisa: The Christian Science Monitor [truck] has a flat tire. Man 1: I'll get the spare. Man 2: No. We must wait for God to jack us.

[FABF22] Announcer: The Talbot Report with Chloe Talbot. Tonight, Chloe interviews Bob Dylan. Chloe: So Bob, what religion are you converting to now? Dylan: Well, I'll tell you one thing...(we hear the classic Dylan mumbling) ...shalom.

[FABF22] (Alternate scene, seen after credits are rolling) Chloe: Lisa, what are you doing in there? Lisa: Praying to Buddha... Jesus... SpongeBob... there's no time to be picky. Buddha: Perhaps we should help. Spongebob: Screw her! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (continues laughing) (Jesus shakes his head in disapproval)

[FABF23] Ned: Homer, please don't tempt the Gods. (looking upward, stuttering) I mean, mean God. There's one God. Only one. Well, sometimes there's three.

[GABF03] Television announcer: We return to Mel Gibson's The Salad of the Christ on Christian Carrot Theatre

[GABF04] Marge, arguing in favor of same-sex marriage, is drowned out by Lovejoy bell ringing: "...scriptural scholars disagree on the significance..." and "..Jesus's teachings stress inclusiveness and compassion..."

[GABF04] Homer logs into the www.ePISCOPAL.com web site to become a priest.

[GABF04] On Kent Brockman talk show

Kent Brockman: Reverend Simpson,..

Homer: Please, Kent, call me your holiness.

Kent Brockman: Ha, ha, I can't, I just can't. Homer, have we ...

[GABF04] Stu: Disco Stu just got an annulment from John Paul Two. Boogie down!

[GABF05] Homer greeting a Rabbi at SPRAWL*MART: Jesus Loves You! Just kidding.

[GABF07] Homer to Turkish captain: Will you raise them [Bart and Lisa] Christian? Captain: Coptic Christian. Homer: Nooooo!

[GABF09] Marge suggests sending Bart to St. Jerome's Catholic School

[GABF09] Bart: Stupid Catholic school. Suffering from my hip attitude. I'm the real Jesus here.

[GABF09] Bart reads "Lives of the Saints Comics" and converts to Catholicism. He reads: Saint Sebastian was a pious Roman soldier. Emperor Diocletian sentenced him to death with by hail of arrows.

[GABF09] Bart starts table blessing in Latin: In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

[GABF09] Father Shawn: I can only absolve you if you're Catholic. Homer: So how do I join? Do I whale on some Unitarians?

[GABF09] Minister: Bart, we're here to bring you back to the one true faith, the western branch of American Reformed Presby-Lutheranism.

[GABF13] Bart: Don't you get it? It's all Christianity, people! The little stupid differences are nothing next to the big stupid similarities!

[GABF13] Bart, after recovering his meanness: Praise the Lord! I'm on the road to recovery.

[GABF13] Marge: Whenever I enter a contest, I tell myself I'm going to win because sometimes, if you believe hard enough, God cuts you a break. After all, He works for us. Our prayers pay His salary.

[GABF13] Homer: And she's [Clarissa Wellington] giving us the emotional experience of a lifetime. Oh, thank you for this angel, Lord.

[GABF14] Gospel for Less Christian Bookstore

[GABF15] Ned Flanders: Well, Todd, remember I said our friends are like the Canaanites? Today I realized they're more like the Nedianites. (or did he say Midianites, which may make more sense...)

[GABF15] Ned Flanders: Might be fun to be a landlord. Land*feller* There's only one Lord.

[GABF19] First A.M.E. Church of Springfield, including congregants Dr. Hibbert, Mrs. Hibbert, Don King and Michael Tyson

[HABF01] Marge: Where's Reverend Lovejoy? He's never late for Christmas service. Homer: Maybe he's cheating on us with the Episcopalians. Look at them, with their bright airy narthex and light flaky Eucharist!

[HABF04] Flanders buys back his borrowed copied of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat from a Simpsons garage sale

[HABF06] Marge, reading a plaque in Carl's Dad Caverns: Locals and Ahoopi indians believed this stalactite was the finger of Tasistagenie, their God of pointing down.

[HABF07] Church Fundraiser: This Does Not Count As Church

[HABF07] Rev. Lovejoy: This fundraiser is close to achieving the Lord's goal, building a taller steeple than the one on that snooty Episcopal church across the street.

[HABF11] Ned Flanders whips his back (parodying "The Da Vinci Code" wherein Silas does the same) for accidentally rhyming words and hence making a poem

[HABF11] Homer (in Mayflower story): Don't worry Marge, I'll see to it you fundamentalist Christians live to take over all America by the 21st century!

[HABF20] Bart (to Marge): It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!

[JABF11] Reverend Lovejoy: I am reminded of the story of wise King Solomon.

[JABF14] Principal Skinner: Lord give me Guidance! That's right, Guidance Department, Detention room. Thank you Mrs. Lord.

[JABF15] Homer: This is the last picture on the roll. Bart: Praise the Lord!

[JABF15] Flanders sends email to group Online Christian Soldiers with Subject: Televised Super Swear

[JABF16] Bart: Trick or Treat isn't just some phrase you chant mindlessly like the Lord's Prayer, it's an oral contract.

[KABF01] Kent Brockman: America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths. Billy the Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Jesus Christ.

[KABF06] Book: Catholic School Punishment Guidelines

[KABF07] Bart: (Lamenting over the death of Martin Prince) Martin was like Jesus.. only real!

[MOVIE1] Homer Outside Church

Homer: Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way?
              Like praying like hell on my death bed?

Marge: Homer, they can hear you inside.

Homer: Relax, those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony baloney God.

[MOVIE1] Lisa: Dad, do something! Homer, quickly leafing through Bible: This book doesn't have any answers!

[KABF10] Farmer to 4-H'ers (including Bart): Take a calf, raise him up big, strong and of course, God fearing.

[KABF12] Apu (about Ned Flanders): Oh, what a surprise. Joe Jesus Junior is going to set us all straight.

[KABF16] Homer: Before you kill me, I gotta know, what is the one true religion?
Angel Krusty: It's a mix of Voodoo and Methodist. [THOH]

[KABF16] Milhouse gives a Grand Pumpkin version of the Apostle's Creed; [THOH]

I believe in the Grand Pumpkin almighty gourd

who was crustified over Pontius pie plate and ascended into oven

he will come again to judge the filling and the bread...

[KABF17] Flanders: That's harder to swallow than evolution!

[KABF19] Lisa: Guess what mom! I'm a cruciverbalist! Marge: Another religion? You know you're just going to drop the whole thing when you go to college and get a Jewish boyfriend.

[KABF20] [Bart explains why bullies should back off on Bashir who is Muslim) Bart: Look guys, everyone's different. Jimbo, you're Christian, Dolph, you're Jewish, and Kearney your family is in that cult Moe started.

[KABF20] Homer: Praise be Oliver! Mother: That's Allah. Homer: We'll look it up in the Corona.

[KABF21] Chalkboard gag: Jesus is not mad His Birthday is on Christmas

[LABF01] This episode was the first broadcast in HD, and featured a new opening that includes God.

[LABF01] Billboard: Krusty: Now Doing Funerals (we see a grieving Krusty in a yarmulke)

[LABF03] Flanders: Three.. two... one... It's Ash Wednesday everybody! Put down your gins and confess your sins!

[LABF03] Homer: (Thanking Flanders for buying their house for them) And on the zillioneth day, God created hugs, and it was good!

[LABF03] Homer: (Waking Flanders at night) It is me, Jesus. I have come from my workshop in the North Pole to say 'Don't evict The Simpsons!'. Flanders: Eh, say, Jesus, what was the name of the son of Zachariah?

[LABF03] Lisa: I wonder if it's theses? (referring to Luther's 95 theses) Homer: Eeew, that's gross.

[LABF03] Flanders: You two are the kind of tenants every landlord dreams of. Excellent credit, Christian but not Baptist, and let's see, according to your application you only have sex for procreation. Male tenant: No thanks, I don't believe in borrowing things from the neighbour. Flanders to God: Lord, you said love thy neighbour, but you didn't have to make it so easy!

[LABF04] Homer leaves Maggie at Saint Teresa's Convenant.

[LABF05] Reverend Lovejoy: ...and so, in summary, there are only two real commandments, and the other eight are just filler.

[LABF14] Marge: What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their saviour?

[LABF15] Disco Stu: Disco Stu is about more than just Disco. I'm also super Christian!

[LABF16] Drederick Tatum has a tattoo of The Lord's Prayer on his chest.

[LABF17] Billboard in opening: Don't Face Christmas Sober

[LABF20] Rabbi Krustofski: Friends, loved ones, we are gathered today to marry a Jew and a congregationalist. Is that even a thing?

[LABF20] Krusty, during his wedding ceremony: You're not my ring bearer. What happened to the monkey? Bart: I locked him in the Torah room.

[MABF02] Bart: I thought you Hindu's are supposed to love everybody? Lisa: I'm a freakin' Buddhist! A Buddhist!

[MABF03] Grampa: Here's all the money we would have given to televangelists. (hands Lisa a huge stack of bills) Lisa: Wow. How long has the TV been out? Gaspar: About ten minutes.

[MABF03] Carl: (reading fortune cookie) Something you lost will soon turn up. My faith in the Lord! It came back!

[MABF08] Inmate, to Burns: I told you you're mine, and you can't escape the Word of Jesus Christ. Burns, you shall reject Satan!

[MABF08] Inmate: Tell me brother, have you heard the story of Jesus Christ?  Fat Tony: Well I *am* Italian, but... no.

[MABF10] Ned is wearing a WWJD bracelet.

[MABF10] Ned has a Jesus clock with his hands pointing out the time "TIME FOR A GOOD DEED"

[MABF10] Marge: ..it says here in the brochure... [Israel & The Holy Land]  Jacob, Israeli tour guide: Who wrote your brochure? The same schmuck who wrote the New Testament?

[MABF10] (At the Western Wall) Homer: Hey boy, We're supposed to be acting religious-sy. What are you up to? Bart: Reading prayers and ignoring them. Just like God.

[MABF10] Homer and Ned Flanders

Homer: It's so nice and cool in the tomb of the unknown savior.

Ned: Unknown??!! This is the tomb of the most famous man who ever lived!

Homer: Porky Pig?

Ned: Porky Pig's not a man he's a pig and he's not even a real pig!

Homer: But.. he is buried here, right?

Ned: That's it! I'm losing it! I'm losing it! You come all the way to Jerusalem, the happiest place on earth and all the photos in your camera are of funny soda pops?

[MABF13] Ned, to Homer: Neighbour Marge invited me over to be the little angel on your shoulder so you wouldn't listen to the 400 devils on the other.

[MABF15] Opening: Ned Flanders angel with halo and wings flies upwards

[MABF15] Ned Flanders and his Jesus Fish

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, how did you make these amazing fish?

Ned: (laughing) Actually, God made some fish that were pretty close to these. So naturally we selected those for further breeding.

Lisa: So that natural selection was the origin of this species?

Ned: Yep, that's exactly wh...whoa..ho-ho you almost got me.

    (A fish with legs climbs out of the tank and attempts to breath)

Ned: (swatting fish back into the tank) Not on my watch!

[MABF17] Visiting Grampa

Marge: First we're visiting Grampa.

Homer: No fair, we just went to church!

Bart: We've already heard stories from thousands of years ago about stuff that didn't happen.

[MABF22] Martha Stewart: You boys want to play soldier? Bart: I can't think of a better way to spend Jesus' birthday.

[NABF04] Mrs. Seymour: Fibs break baby Jesus' ribs!

[NABF06] Moe: I dabbled in Satanism until I was asked to leave.

[NABF11] Lunchlady Doris: If you want to do some real magic, find me a boyfriend that don't get all religious on me.

[NABF14] Todd: Jesus cries blood every time you lie.

[NABF15] Coffee mug: What Would Jesus Brew?

[NABF18] [Future] First Church of Lard Lad

[NABF20] Marge takes the kids to the X-GAMES (Cross-Games)

[NABF21] (After Flanders tells Homer how to defeat Roz) Homer: Hail Flanders! Mightier than Jesus!

[NABF21] Episode concludes as they pull back and we see Jesus dancing with Alice Glick in heaven.

[PABF05] Homer: ...and that's why I really don't believe there's a God. Thank you, and God bless America (opening town meeting).

[PABF05] Duke de Springfield Burns, after killing lambs: I am heartily sorry and confess all my sins. Bishop Smithers: Absolved!

[PABF05] Homer: ..if anyone asks who swindled you, it was Christians. Remember that name, Christians.

[PABF07] Homer: We found a new home! When God shuts a door he opens a window.

[PABF10] We see a picture that includes Bart holding a rosary with a cross apparently praying for Homer who is in an alcohol induced coma on St. Patrick's Day.

[PABF12] Homer discovers Bart's completely empty room. (Bart's selling everything wall to wall) Homer: Bart's been raptured! And his crap's been craptured!

[PABF15] Springfield Playhouse puts on Passion Play with Homer as Jesus

[PABF15] Director: We are trying to depict the sizzling final days of the Nathan Lane of the New Testament, Jesus Christ. Now, remember, this is the Passion Play, not the phone it in play, not I once had three shows on Broadway simultaneously but I blew all my money on coke and now here I am.

[PABF15] Edna: (To Rod and Todd) Anyone for Scrabble? Todd: Only God can make words. Edna: Right, right. Yahtzee? Rod: Dice are Satan's bones.

[PABF22] Homer: Is this one of those coincidences like Jesus on a tortilla or George Washington on a dollar bill?

[PABF22] Marge: Well, I like that it's message (HOPE) is in sap, and not in blood like some miracles I could mention. Cough*Passover*Cough.

[PABF22] Flanders: Don't eat the miracle! (Tree sap spelling HOPE on a tree) Homer: Fine, I'll just go eat the body of God. That's not crazy.

[PABF22] Rabbi Krustofski holding sign "Temple Beth Springfield" at gathering around Homer's HOPE tree.

[PABF22] Hibbert Family holding sign "First A.M.E. Church of Springfield" at gathering around Homer's HOPE tree.

[PABF22] Apu & family, Lisa, CBG, holding sign "Other" at gathering around Homer's HOPE tree.

[RABF02] Child dropped down chute at Smart Tykes play center is dropped into a church: Welcome to the Mormon church. America's most respectable cult!

[RABF02] Marge: How can you call yourself a Christian? Homer: If Jesus had a gun he'd be alive today.

[RABF09] Flanders holds up sign "Christ Is Watching" (To his parents and Homer)

[RABF09] Homer doesn't mind if Flanders prays at his bedside if he prays to Superman.

[RABF09] They show a sequence of quotes from the bible that scare Ned Flanders.

[RABF09] Homer: Hey, I don't go to where you work and read the Bible to you! Ned: I would embrace such a glad visit!

[RABF09] Flanders, mumbling to himself: Never get into heaven. Took harp lessons for nothing.

[RABF09] Homer and Ned are on the knees, hands in prayer: Ned: How long has it been since we prayed together, neighbour? Homer: This is praying??? Let me out of here!!!

[RABF10] Kent (somberly): A plague is sweeping through Springfield. (with a smile!) A Blue Bonnet plague! Springfield's ladies are wearing colorful Easter hats to celebrate the resurrection of (checks notes) Jesus Christ!

[RABF10] We see Greek Orthodox minister outside Greek Orthodox Church holding up sign "This Is Our Palm Sunday!" on Easter.

[RABF11] Rev. Hooper: ....So you see, what Jesus is saying really can be explained by an episode of Californication.

[RABF11] Bart: Dad! The Google street cam is driving around town today. Wanna go moon it with me? Homer: Son, I'd love too. But I'm a deacon now. My butt's place is in my pants.

[RABF11] Ned: (derisively) Church songs with clapping. I don't think this is what Martin PrebyLuther had in mind when he founded our religion by sticking his three suggestions under the Pope's windshield wiper.

[RABF16] [THOH XXIV] The Flanders Dr. Seuss character has a cross on his body.

[RABF16] [THOH XXIV] Shelter For Homeless Hoos: [singing] Once a year, we are not hungry, thanks to Christian charity..

[RABF19] Homer: (brain talking) Homer Simpson! Do you really want to keep cheating your friends, lying to your wife and avoiding your kids? What would Jesus do?

[SABF01] Opening Billboard: Krusty's Christmas Carol With Sideshow Bob Hatchet

[SABF03] Opening Billboard: Lard Lad Donuts Discreetly Super Christian

[SABF06] Homer singing, to the tune of Silver Bells: Glowing rods, glowing rods, it's making me, weak and dizzy...

[SABF09] Opening Billboard: This Easter Give Up Jesus for Lent  Temple Beth Springfield (Rabbi Krustofsky)

Note: This list only includes religious music - a list of all modern songs that have been heard on the Simpsons is found in Music Featured on the Simpsons.

[7G08] O Little Town of Bethlehem {rl}

[7G08] Silent Night {rl}

[7G11] [waiters] Nearer My God to Thee {rl}

[7F03] Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah as it begins to snow {rl}

[7F06] My Heart at Thy Sweet Voice {rl}

[7F07] We Gather Together to Ask the Lord's Blessing {rl}

[7F09] Funeral March {rl}

[7F11] (Lisa on sax) When the Saints Go Marching In

[8F10] You Light Up My Life {rl}

[8F16] [Rod & Todd] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[8F22] [singing Nun] Dominique {dj}

[8F23] Onward Christian Soldiers {rl}

[8F23] [Flanders doorbell] A Mighty Fortress is Our God {ag}

[9F01] Flanders family sing to Homer "God said to Noah, there's gonna be a floody floody." "The rain came down, it started to get muddy muddy." "Get those animals [clap] out on the arky arky"

[9F08] Rod and Todd sing "I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart (where) down in my heart to stay, and if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack (oow!) sit on a tack...."

[9F09] [a young Homer] O Holy Night {rl}

[9F18] O Tannenbaum (O Christmas Tree) tune used for O Whacking Day

[1F04] Hark, the Herald Angels Sing {rl}

[1F10] If You're Saved (Happy) and You Know It {rl}

[1F14] [Ned] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[2F02] Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring

[2F04] Rev. Lovejoy: Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[2F15] Amazing Grace [Maggie was supposed to sing it] {rl}

[2F21] [Ned] Bringing in the Sheaves {rl}

[3F01] Ned has a Hallelujah Chorus air horn

[3F01] Amazing Grace {kb}

[3F02] 'In the Garden of Eden' by I. Ron Butterfly [parody]

[3F07] The Little Drummer Boy {kb}

[4F13] Jesus-rock stylings performance of Testament, in the church basement {kb}

[4F14] Amazing Grace (sung by Sideshow Bob) {kb}

[4F18] Jesus is Just Alright

[5F04] [Apu] God Bless America {kb}

[5F05] [Homer's angel song] parody of Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah {kb}

[5F05] [Ned mentions] Amazing Grace

[5F05] [Ned mentions] Nearer My God to Thee

[5F07] Hark the Herald Angels Sing {kb}

[5F14] [Homer] God Bless America {kb}

[BABF04] [Flanders doorbell] Bringing in the Sheaves

[BABF06] [Brother Faith sings] "Now let's hear it, for the Holy Spirit, No need to fear it, just revere it, he works in heaven..."

[BABF10] Amazing Grace (bagpipes at Maude's funeral)

[BABF22] Hark, the Herald Angels Sing is what Homer whistles according to closed captioning, but prior to broadcast it was changed to "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".

[CABF02] Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me (Homer browsing Dancing Jesus web site)

[CABF15] Jesus Loves Me (alternate words) Rachel Jordan: Jesus loves me this I'm sure, I'm a groupie on his door..

[EABF06] [Homer humming] Bringing In The Sheaves

[EABF08] Rod & Todd singing: Jesus is the rock that rolls my blues away

[EABF13] Episode opens with the Simpsons carolling (primarily non-ecumenical)

[FABF02] The California Raisins sing "O Pruny Night" to the tune of "Oh Holy Night"

[FABF19] Sung by Saks Fifth Grade clerk with new lyrics

●  Silver Bells (sung)

●  Winter Wonderland (sung)

●  Hava Nagila (using words "Have a, nice Christmas have a, nice Christmas..")

●  Krusty: That's even worse than I'm dreaming of a whitefish Christmas!

●  O Tannenbaum (mentioned)

●  Good King Wenceslas (mentioned and then Homer hums)

●  Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring (mentioned)

[EABF14] Battle Hymn of the Republic ("..Glory, Glory, Hallelujah..")

[FABF01] The Beach Boys Experience (sung to the tune of Kokomo)

Mezuzah, Menorah, created from the Torah

Pastrami, knishes, on to set some dishes

A church with, no steeple, for the chosen people..

[FABF02] Bringing in the Sheaves is playing on the organ at church

[FABF02] Hark the Herald Angels Sing sung by Springfield town

[GABF21] Deck the Halls, Homer singing, hanging up a stocking (Lisa: June?)

[HABF01] Away in the Manager, background music during first segment

[HABF01] Deck the Halls, background music during second segment

[HABF07] Rock of Ages plays in background during start of Duck Race at the church fundraiser

[JABF11] This Little Light of Mine, as sung by the Lovejoys:

This little light of mine! I'm gonna let it shine!

Oh glory this little light of mine! I'm gonna let it shine.

Every day! Every day! Every day! Yeah, yeah!

[MOVIE1] Nearer My God to Thee played by Green Day as their barge sinks (a la Titanic)

[KABF20] Deck the Halls, on horns before opening theme

[KABF20] O Christmas Tree, mall carolers with different lyrics;

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

You're on the curb and dead now

Your Christmas lights are in the box,

In two months we, will change the clock,

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

(drowned out by someone chipping a wooden reindeer)

[KABF21] O Christmas Tree, heard BEFORE opening theme

[KABF21] Deck the Halls, Lisa's horn solo in opening

[KABF21] O Christmas Tree, opening theme slips into this near end of theme

[PABF15] A Mighty Fortress is Our God in Ned Flander's Nightmare. (Same music in Davey and Goliath, which this segment uses claymation to imitate)

[SABF01] Opening: Lisa in music class Playing Good King Wenceslas

[SABF01] Marge's guests sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas

[SABF01] Marge's guests sing Good King Wenceslas

[SABF01] During closing credits: Away in the Manager

[SABF01] During closing credits: Carol of the Bells

[SABF01] During closing credits: Deck the Halls

[SABF01] During closing credits: O Tannenbaum (O Christmas Tree)

[SABF05] Homer sings Amazing Grace out loud in church to drown out Lovejoy:

Amazing Grace, how loud I sing,

to drown the spoilers out,

shaddup, shaddup, shut--