The Simpsons Song Lyrics

Originally by Dominik Halas
Contributions from Jouni Paakkinen
Maintained by James R. Curry

This document lists the lyrics of original songs and song parodies from The Simpsons. It does not include previously existing songs performed on The Simpsons without any lyrical modification.

Additions are welcome and will be credited. Also, if you notice there's a song missing, please let me know.

7G05  Bart the General {rc}
   Bart: I got a B in arithmetic.
   Army: I got a B in arithmetic.
   Bart: Would have got an A but I was sick.
   Army: Would have got an A but I was sick.

   Bart: We are rubber, you are glue.
   Army: We are rubber, you are glue.
   Bart: It bounces off of us and sticks to you.
   Army: It bounces off of us and sticks to you.
   Bart: Sound off.
   Army: One!  Two!
   Bart: Sound off!
   Army: Three!! Four!!

   Bart: In English class I did the best.
   Army: In English class I did the best.
   Bart: Because I cheated on the test.
   Army: Because I cheated on the test.
   Bart: Sound off.
   Army: One!  Two!
   Bart: I can't hear you!
   Army: Three!!  Four!!

   Bart: We are happy, we are merry.
   Army: We are happy, we are merry.
   Bart: We got a rhyming dictionary.
   Army: We got a rhyming dictionary.
   Bart: Sound off.
   Army: One!  Two!
   Bart: One more time!
   Army: Three!  Four!
   Bart: Bring it on home now!
   Army: One!  Two!  Three!  Four!
         One!  Two!  ... Three-Four!
7G06  Second Grade Blues {rc}
Murphy:  Oh, I'm so lonely,
         Since my baby left me.
         I got no money,
         And nothing is free.
         Oh, I've been so alone
         Since the day I was born.
         All I got is this rusty,
         This rusty old horn.
Lisa:    I got a bratty brother.
         He bugs me everyday.
         And this morning my own mother,
         Gave my last cupcake away.
         My Dad acts like he belongs,
         He belongs in the zoo.
         I'm the sa-a-a-addest kid,
         In gra-a-a-de number two.
NOTE: Bleeding Gums Murphy later sings Lisa's portion of the song at The Jazz Hole.

7G08  Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (Simpson version) {cb}

   All: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
        Had a very shiny nose,
        And if you ever saw it,
        You would even say it glows.
  Bart: Like a light bulb!
 Homer: Bart!

   All: All of the other reindeer,
        Used to laugh and call him names.
  Lisa: Like Schnozzola!
 Homer: Lisa!

   All: They never let poor Rudolph,
        Join in any reindeer games.
  Bart: Like strip poker!
 Homer: I'm warning you two!

   All: Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
        Santa came to say,
 Marge: Take it Homer!

 Homer: Err... Rudolph, get your nose over here,
        So you can guide my sleigh... today.
Grampa: Oh, Homer...

   All: Then all the reindeer loved him,
        And they shouted out with glee:
        Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
        You'll go down in history!
  Bart: Like Attila the H- ugh, urk!
 Homer: You little... grrrr!
7F01  Vote Burns Jingle {bs}
Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote
For Monty Burns!
7F05  Capital City {rc}
(version sung as OFF enters Capital City:)
(lines by members of OFF are spoken, not sung; Tony's line "Hey,
good to see you" is also spoken.)

       Homer: Well, kids, there it is!  Capital City!
       Marge: Look, the Cross-Town Bridge!
       (begin vamp)
        Bart: Wow!
       Homer: Wow.

Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital

        Lisa: The Penny Loafer!

        Tony: People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.

       Homer: Kids, look!  Street crime!

        Tony: It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like
              a king.

       Homer: Wow, that's service!

        Tony: And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,

       Marge: Look, it's Tony Bennett!
        Tony: Hey, good to see you.

              It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
              You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance
              to see...

       Marge: Fourth Street and 'D'!

        Tony: Fourth Street and 'D'!  Yeah!
              Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to

       Homer: The Duff brewery!

        Tony: Capital City, my home sweet, yeah!
              Capital City, that happy-tal city,
              It's Capital City,
              my home sweet swingin' home!

         All: Capital City!  Yeah!
Closing credits version:
Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital City.
              People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.
              It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like a king.
              And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,

              It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
              You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance to see...
              Fourth Street and 'D'!  Yeah!

              Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to roam,
              From Capital City, my home sweet, swingin' home!
7G06, 9F16  The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song {jb}
They fight!  And bite!
They fight and bite and fight!
Fight fight fight!  Bite bite bite!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
7F09  The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (bowdlerised version) {jb}
They love! They share!
They share and love and share!
Love, love, love!
Share, share, share!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
7F11, 9F17  When the Saints Go Over There
 Homer: Oh, I want to be in that rumba,
        When the saints go over there.
        Oh over there!  Oh over there!
7F16  McBain Theme
The rules that constrain other men,
mean nothing to McBain.
The punches that bring pain to other men,
mean nothing to McBain.
NOTE: The final lines are faded out in the episode, but can be heard on the album "Go Simpsonic with The Simpsons".

7F18  Mt. Splashmore {rc}

Krusty and Kids: I want to go to Mt. Splashmore,
                 Take me, take me, take me, take me now!
                 Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
                 Mt. Splashmore, take me there right now!
7F23  The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (closing credits version) {gg}
They fought! and bit!
They fought and bit and fought!
Fought, fought, fought!
Bit, bit, bit!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
7F24  Michael's Lullabye for Homer {rc}
Michael: Homer, the two of us need look no more.
         We both found what we are lookin' for.
         With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone,
         And you, my friend, will see, you've got a friend
         in me.
7F24  Bart's Birthday Song for Lisa {rc}
Bart:   [to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March]
        Lisa, her teeth are big and green.
        Lisa, she smells like gasoline.
        Lisa, da da da Disa.
        She is my sister, her birthday, I missed-a.
7F24  Lisa's Birthday Song {rc}
(As performed during the show, with piano and percussion:)

         Michael: Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  God bless you this day.
                  You gave me the gift of a little sister,
                  And I'm proud of you today.

Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.
                  Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.

         Michael: I wish you love and good will.
                  I wish you peace and joy.
            Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
         Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.

Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.
                  Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.

            Bart: Yeah!
As performed over the credits, with full musical back-up:
Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.
                  Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.

         Michael: I wish you love and good will.
                  I wish you peace and joy.
            Bart: I wish you better than your heart desires.
         Michael: And your first kiss from a boy.

Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.
                  Lisa, it's your birthday.
                  Happy birthday, Lisa.

            Bart: Take it away, Lis.
            (Lisa does a saxophone solo)

Michael and Bart: Lisa, it's your birthday.

(Lisa plays some more)

Michael and Bart: Happy birthday, Lisa.

         Michael: Hoo!
8F01  The Deficit Rag
The deficit rag, oh yeah the deficit rag,
Those budget gaps can be a twelve-digit drag,
I'm telling ya, that's the deficit,
They really made a mess of it,
That's the deficit rag!
8F01  The Trading Gap Shuffle
The trading gap shuffle,
We're in a heap of trouble,
Doin' the trading gap shuffle, yes sir!
8F01  Lisa S.
Say let me tell you about Lisa S.
She's that little eight-year old muckrakeress,
She caught a crook and she made him pay,
And she did it all in just one day!
That's what I would call,
Bein' on the ball!
8F05  The Krusty The Klown Show Klosing Kredits Song
Krusty: We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun,
        But now the time has come, to go;
        If this old clown was found dead in his bed,
        Tomorrow, I'd be in Heaven, still doing this show!
8F08  Flaming Moe's {rc2}

NOTE: The lines in brackets are sung in the background.

When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life,
Bills to pay, a dead-end job,
And problems with the wife.
But don't throw in the tow'l,
'Cuz there's a place right down the block...
Where you can drink your misery away...
At Flaming Moe's....     (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
When liquor in a mug     (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
Can warm you like a hug.                 (Flaming Moe's...)
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...
8F11  Wall E. Weasel's Birthday Song
Animatronic Robots:  You're the birthday, you're the birthday,
                     You're the birthday boy or girl...
8F11  We're Sending Our Love Down the Well {rc}

NOTE:The singers are Troy McClure, Scott Christian, The Channel 6 weather girl (Kent Brockman's girlfriend), Bleeding Gums Murphy, Diamond Joe Quimby, Krusty the Klown, Princess Cashmere, Sting, Sideshow Mel, Rainier Wolfcastle (AKA McBain), Dr. Marvin Monroe, Captain Lance Murdoch, The Capital City Goofball, and an unknown man.

       Sting: There's a hole in my heart
              As deep as a well
              For that poor little boy,
              Who's stuck halfway to Hell...
Sideshow Mel: Though we can't get him out,
              We'll do the next best thing...
      McBain: We go on TV
              And sing, sing, sing!
         All: And we're sending our love down the well...
      Krusty: All the way down!
         All: We're sending our love down the well...
      Krusty: Down that well!
              (here the song is cut off)
8F11  Janey's Skipping Song {rc}
Janey: One plus one plus three is five,
       Little Bart Simpson's buried alive!
       He's so neat, he's so sweet.
       Now the rats have Bart to eat!

       How many days until Bart croaks?
       One, two, three, four, ...
8F13  Talkin' Softball {lg}
Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile...

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.
8F14  Homer's Lullaby for Maggie {rc}
Homer: Go to sleep...
       And good night...
       La-la la la la la la...
       May your Christmas Days be bright!
8F18  You're a Dame and I'm a Fella {cb}
  Ned/Stanley: You're a dame and I'm a fella.
Marge/Blanche: Stanley, stop, or I'll tell Stella.
  Ned/Stanley: All I want is one embrace.
Marge/Blanche: I'll twist this bottle in your face.
8F18  New Orleans {rc2}
Wiggum: Long before the SuperDome,
        Where the Saints of football play,
        Lived a city that the damned called home,
        Hear their hellish roundelay...

Cast:   New Orleeeans...
        Home of pirates, drunks, and whores!
        New Orleeeans...
        Tacky, overpriced, souvenir stores!
        If you want to go to Hell, you should make that trip
        to the Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississipp'!

        New Orleeeans...
        Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile!
        New Orleaaans...
        Putrid, brackish, maggoty, foul!
        New Orleeeans...
        Crummy, lousy, rancid, and rank!

        New Orleeeans!
8F18  Blanche's Song
Marge/Blanche: I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras,
               A never ending party - hah!
               I'm a faded southern Dame without a dime.
8F18  Just a Simple Paperboy {cb}
Apu/Steve: I am just a simple paperboy,
           No romance do I seek...
           I just wanted forty cents,
           For my deliveries last week...

           Will this bewitching floozy,
           Seduce this humble newsie?
           Oh, what's a paperboy to...
8F18  Stella! {cb}
             Can't you hear me yella!
             You're puttin' me through Hella!
             Stella...  STELLLAAAA!
8F18  The Kindness of Strangers {cb}
Marge/Blanche: Whoever you are, I have always depended on the
               kindness of strangers...

               (music begins)

         Cast: You can always depend on the kindness of

               To pluck up your spirits, and shield you from

Marge/Blanche: Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't

         Cast: A stranger's just a friend you haven't met...
               You haven't met...
8F19  You're Wife Don't Understand You, but I Do
Lurleen: You work all day, for some old man,
         Sweat and break your back,
         Then you go home to your castle,
         But your queen won't cut you slack.

         That's why you're losin' all your hair,
         That's why you're overweight,
         That's why you flipped your pickup truck
         Right off the interstate.

         There's a lot of bull they hand you,
         There's nothin' you can do,
         Your wife don't understand you, but I do,
         I said your wife don't understand you, but I do!
NOTE: The above is the version Lurleen sings at the Beer-N-Brawl; the CD version has an extra verse somewhere:
         Now you talk so tough, act so rough,
         But darling you can't hide,
         The heartache and the sadness,
         That's buried deep inside.
8F19  Bagged Me a Homer
Lurleen: Oh the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart,
         When the coach called me up to the plate,
         I'd been swingin', and missin', at lovin' and kissin',
         My average was point double oh eight.

         So I spit on my hands, knocked the dirt from my spikes,
         And pointed right towards centre field,
         This time I'm hitting a home run,
         This time the love is for real.

         I'll slide... I'll steal... I'll sacrifice
         A lovin' fly for you,
         I been slumping all season but now I found a reason,
         I struck on a love that is true.

         I used to play the field,
         I used to be a roamer,
         But the season's turning 'round for me now,
         I finally bagged me a homer.

         That's right, I finally bagged me a Homer.
8F19  Bunk With Me Tonight
Lurleen: In this trailer, I get so cold and lonely,
         Lying there awake at night, muttering if only
         You weren't married, So I might ask you
         To bunk with me tonight,
         Bunk with me tonight, oh, bunk with me tonight,
         I'm asking, will you bunk with me tonight.
8F19  Stand By Your Manager
Lurleen: His name is Homer, he's quite a man,
         I tried to kiss him, but Homer ran.
         Sure wish I could say, that I was his,
         I hope that Marge knows, just how lucky she is.
8F23  The First Annual Montgomery Burns Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence song {rl}
   All singers: It's the first annual Montgomery Burns
                Award for...
  Male singers: Outstanding achievement in...
Female singers: The field of...
   All singers: Excellence!
8F24  Kamp Krusty Song {cb}
Campers: Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty,
         By the shores of Big Snake Lake.
         Though your swings are rusty,
         We know they'll never break.

Kearney: Louder!  Faster!

Campers: From your gleaming mess hall,
         To your hallowed baseball field,
         Your spic n' span infirmary,
         Where all our wounds are healed.
         Hail to thee, Kamp Krusty,
         Below Mount Avalanche.
         We will always love Kamp Krusty,
         A registered trademark of the Krusty Corporation,
         All rights reserved!
9F01  When the Fire Starts to Burn
Homer: When the fire starts to burn,
       There's a lesson you must learn.
       Something, something, then you see,
       You'll avoid catastrophe!
9F02  Blimpy Boy
Homer:  Hey there, blimpy boy, flying through the sky so fancy free...
NOTE: Homer sings this again later, much saddened after selling his Duff blimp ride.

9F02  Little Miss Springfield Pageant Opening Number

Contestants: Out on our own!
             Making it work!
             Gasping for air!
             Having it all!
             Checking it out!
             Caring 'bout us!
             Making a wish!
             Dreaming a dream!
     Krusty: Little Miss Springfield,
             Which one will it be?
Contestants: Me!
9F02  Little Miss Springfield
Krusty: L, the losers in her wake,
        I, the income she will make.
        T is for her tooth-filled mouth,
        T is for her tooth-filled mouth...
9F03  The Itchy and Scratchy Movie theme song
(computerised voices)

They fight!  And bite!
They fight and bite and fight!
Fight fight fight!  Bite bite bite!
The Itchy and Scratchy Movie!
9F04  Homer's Baloney Song
Homer: My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R,
       My baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R...
9F05  Tribute to Mr. Burns
         Smithers: There is a man,
           Chorus: There is a man!
         Smithers: A certain man,
           Chorus: A certain man!
         Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face
                   are known across the land.
                   You know his name,
           Chorus: You know his name!
         Smithers: It's Mr. Burns,
           Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
         Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke,
   Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
         Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
           Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
            Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
         Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
            Burns: I'm MR. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty
                   but to you it's Mr. Burns!
         Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns.
            Burns: Burns!
9F07  Mr. Plow Jingle
Homer: Call Mr. Plow,
       That's my name,
       That name again
       Is Mr. Plow.
9F07  Plow King Jingle {gr}
Linda Ronstadt: When the snow starts a-fallin'
                There's a man you should be callin'
                That's KL5-4796,
                Let it ring!

                Mr. Plow is a loser,
                And I think he is a boozer,
Barney & Linda: So you better make that call to the Plow King!
9F07  Mr. Plow Rap
Homer: Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom
       I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,
       I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.
       I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,
       Like your cow if you have one...
9F07  Mr. Plow Jingle (Spanish version)
Linda Ronstadt: Senor Plow no es macho,
                Es solamente un borracho...
9F09  Bad Cops
Bad cops, bad cops,
Bad cops, bad cops.
Bad cops, bad cops,
Bad cops, bad cops.
Springfield cops are on the take,
But what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse,
We don't mind using excessive force!
Bad cops, bad cops,
Bad cops, bad cops..
9F10, 3F31  Flintstones Theme (Homer version)
Homer: Simpson!  Homer Simpson!
       He's the greatest guy in history,
       From the, town of Springfield!
       He's about to hit a chestnut tree!
9F10  Monorail {rc}
 Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
              Like a genuine,
              Bona fide,
              What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
 Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
 Patty+Selma: Monorail!
 Lyle Lanley: That's right!  Monorail!
              [crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
 Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
 Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
         Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
 Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
      Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
 Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
         Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
 Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
      Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
 Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
              I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
              Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
         All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley:  What's it called?
         All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley:  Once again...
         All: Monorail!
       Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
        Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
         All: Monorail!
              [big finish]
       Homer: Mono...  D'oh!
9F11  It's a Duff World
Animatronic Robots: Duff beer for me,
                    Duff beer for you,
                    I'll have a Duff,
                    You have one, too.
                    (repeat ad nauseam)
9F11  Duff Rap {rl,rg}
Lincoln: We-e-ll,
         I'm Rappin' A.B. and I'm here to say,
         if you want to drink beer,
         well Duff's the only way!
         I said the only way!
         Break down!
9F13  If You Think I'm Cuddly
Flanders: If you think I'm cuddly,
          And you want my comp'ny,
          Come on, wifey, let me know-ow-ow-ow...
9F13  The Mediocre Presidents {rc}
     All: We are the mediocre presidents.
          You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents!
          There's Taylor, there's Tyler,
          There's Fillmore and there's Hayes.
          There's William Henry Harrison,
Harrison: I died in thirty days!
     All: We... are... the...
          Adequate, forgettable,
          Occasionally regrettable
          Caretaker presidents of the U-S-A!
9F14  When I Was Seventeen
Homer: Well beer, we've had some great times.
       When I was seventeen,
       I drank some very good beer,
       I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID,
       My name was Brian McGee,
       I stayed up listening to Queen,
       When I was seventeen.
9F15  Lisa's Protest Song
Lisa: Come gather 'round children,
      It's high time ye learned,
      'Bout a hero named Homer
      And a devil named Burns.

      We'll march till we drop,
      The girls and the fellas,
      We'll fight till the death
      Or else fold like umbrellas.


      So we'll march day and night,
      By the big cooling tower,
      They have the plant,
      But we have the power.
NOTE: The last verse is later sung twice again by everyone striking.

9F16  Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (closing credits version)

They fought! and bit!
They fought and fought and bit!
Fought, fought, fought!
Bit, bit, bit!
It was the Itchy and Scratchy Show!
9F16  Ned Flanders Show theme song
       Hens love roosters, geese love ganders,
       Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!

Homer: Not me!

       Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!
9F18  Whacking Day Hymn
 Chorus: O whacking day, o whacking day,
         Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day.
Soprano: We'll break their backs,
         Gouge out their eyes,
         Their evil hearts,
         We'll pulverise.
 Chorus: O whacking day, o whacking day,
         May God bestow His grace on thee.
9F19  The Gabbo Show theme song
Gabbo: You're gonna like me,
       You're gonna love me,
       'Cause I can do most anything.

       I can do the hully gully,
       I can imitate Vin Scully!

       Let's take time out from that triple play
       for this message from Farmer Dan's Pure Pork
       Sausages! Mmm, mmm...

       I'll give out shiny dimes,
       I'll travel back in time!

Dolls: You're gonna like him,
       You're gonna love him,
       It's the greatest show in to-ow-ow-ow-own!
9F21  Al Capone's Vault
Homer: There was nothing in Al Capone's vault,
       But it wasn't Geraldo's fault!
9F21  Baby on Board (first draft)
Homer: Baby on board,
       Something, something, Burt Ward...
9F21  Baby on Board {bb}
B-Sharps: Baby on board, how I've adored,
          That sign on my car's windowpane
          A bounce in my step; loaded with pep,
          'Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane.

          Call me a square; friend, I don't care
          That little yellow sign can't be ignored
          I'm telling you it's mighty nice
          Each trip's a trip to paradise
          With my baby on board.
9F21  Surgeon-General C. Everett Koop
B-Sharps: For all the latest medical poop,
          Call Surgeon General C. Everett Koop.
          Poo poo pa-doop.
9F21  Revolution 8
Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight.
                    Barney: (belch)
Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight.
                    Barney: (belch)
Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight.
                    Barney: (belch)
Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight.
                    Barney: (belch)
Japanese Conceptual Artist: Number eight.
                    Barney: (belch)
1F01  Happy Birthday (Ramones version) {jc}
Ramone 1: I'd just like to say this gig sucks!
Ramone 2: Hey, up yours, Springfield.
Ramone 1: One, two, three, four!
          [Abrasive guitar music begins]
          Happy Birthday to you!  (Happy Birthday!)
          Happy Birthday to you!  (Happy Birthday!)
          Happy Birthday, Burnsey,
          Happy Birthday to you!
Ramone 3: Go to hell, you old bastard.
          [The curtain falls]
Ramone 4: Hey, I think they liked us!
1F06  Springfield, Springfield {jc}
    Bart: OK, we're young, rich, and full of sugar.
          What do we do?
Milhouse: [yelling] Let's go crazy, Broadway style!
    Both: [singing]
          Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town:
          The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down.
          The stray dogs go to the animal pound,
    Bart: Springfield, Springfield!
Milhouse: Springfield, Springfield!
  Sailor: New York, New York!
    Bart: New York is that-a-way, man!
  Sailor: Thanks, kid!
    Both: [singing] It's a hell of a...toooown!
1F07  Oh Mindy
Homer: Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking,
       But I sent you Ben-gay,
       Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something,
       And I...
1F07  Oh Margie
Homer: Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey,
       On my vacation away from workie...
1F10  Who need the Kwik-E-Mart? {jc}
  Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic
       dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd
       rather call my home.

       When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
       But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.

       Maggie with her eyes so bright,
       Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
       Lisa can philosophise, Bart's adept at spinning lies,
       Homer's a delightful fella, sorry 'bout the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.

  Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
       Now here comes the tricky part.
       Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
       Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,
 Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,
 Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D'oh!

  OFF: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
  Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...[held for next three lines]
  OFF: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
       Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
       Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
  Apu: Not me.
1F14  Nacho Man
Homer: Nacho nacho man,
       I want to be a nacho man.
1F21  Play It Cool {jc}
Homer: Dad, that will never work.  If you want to make your
       move, you got to play
       [jazz bass and cymbals start playing]
       Now what you gotta do
       If you wanna get a kiss
       Is act real smooth
       And make your move like this:
       [stands up, stretches and yawns, and sits down again,
       arm still outstretched so it lands around Abe's
  Abe: Oh, I see!
       So if I take your advice
       And make your patented move,
       Then my chances for love
       Will slightly improve?
       [does the Homer move]
Homer: [giggles] Now what's that rule?
  Abe: Play it cool.
1F21  The Sound of Grampa {jc}
Hello Grampa, my old friend,
Your busy day is at an end.
Your exploits have been sad and boring,
They tell a tale that's worth ignoring.
When you're alone, the words of your story
Will echo down the rest-home hall,
'Cause no one at all,
Can stand the sound
Of Grampa.
2F02  KBBL Jingle
No sports, no rock, no information,
For mindless chatter, we're your station!
2F02  "Vote Quimby" Jingle
Without a Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink,
We wouldn't have a tire yard, or a mid-size roller rink.
We wouldn't have our gallows, or our shiny Bigfoot trap,
It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed!
2F03  A Chorus Line
     OFF: One! chorus line of people,
          Dancing till they make us stop,
  Willie: Too!
Everyone: Many dancing people,
          Covered with blood, gore and glop.

          Just one sniff of that fog
          And you're inside out,
          It's worse than that flesh-eating virus
          You've read about.

          Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in.
          The family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine.
          Hap-py Hal-lo-we'en!
2F05  Sherri's and Terri's Skipping Song {jc}
Sherri & Terri: At seven tonight the games begin,
                Bart vs. Lisa: who will win?
                Their father's fat and their mother's thin,
                And Grampa Simpson reeks of gin!
           Abe: Hey!  [sniffs himself] That's "Obsession" for men.
2F05  The Star-Spangled Banner (Krusty version)
Krusty:  O say can you see,
         By the da da da light,
         What so proudly we laaaaah,
         By the aaaah aaaah oh...
         Shouldn't have turned down those cue cards.  Oooooh...
2F06  Under the Sea
Homer: [funky calypso music]
       Under the sea,
       Under the sea,
       There'll be no accusations,
       Just friendly crustaceans
       Under the Seeeeeeeeeeeeea!
2F09  We do! (The Stonecutters Song)

NOTE: This is the version sung during the drinking scene; the version over the closing credits changes "Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?" to "Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?"

The characters named beneath sing their lines over the voices of everyone else singing the line.

    All: Who controls the British crown?
         Who keeps the metric system down?
         We do!  We do!

   Karl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
  Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
  Alien: We do!  We do!

    All: Who holds back the electric car?
         Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
         We do!  We do!

Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?
  Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?
    All: We do!  We do!
2F31  Moe Better Booze
Moe: Money gets you one more round,
     Drink it down,
     You stupid clown.
     Money gets you one more round,
     Then you're out on your ass!
2F18  See My Vest
     Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
            Others hunt for food,
            The only thing I'm hunting for,
            Is an outfit that looks good...

            See my vest, see my vest,
            Made from real gorilla chest,
            Feel this sweater, there's no better,
            Than authentic Irish setter.

            See this hat, 'twas my cat,
            My evening wear - vampire bat,
            These white slippers are albino
            African endangered rhino.

            Grizzly bear underwear,
            Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
            Beret of poodle, on my noodle
            It shall rest,

            Try my red robin suit,
            It comes one breast or two,
            See my vest, see my vest,
            See my vest.

            Like my loafers?  Former gophers -
            It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
            But a greyhound fur tuxedo
            Would be best,

            So let's prepare these dogs,
Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,
     Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
            Oh please, won't you see my vest.
2F32  Jazzman {dh, tp}
Lisa: Lift me won't you lift me
      above the old routine

      Make it nice
      play it clean

      When the Jazzman's testifyin',
      a faithless man believes.
      He can sing you into paradise,
      or bring you to your knees.
      Jazzman, take my blues away,
      Make my pain the same as yours with every change you play.
      Jazzman, oh, Jazzman.
2F22  Hark To The Tale Of Nelson
Martin: Hark to the tale of Nelson,
        And the boy he loved so dear...
        They remained the best of friends,
        For years and years and years.
2F20  Tito Puente's Revenge {an}
Singer: Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song
        Burns will always carry with him,
        So I'll settle my score on the salsa floor,
        With this vengeful Latin rhythm.

Chorus: Bu-urns!
Singer: Con un corazón de perro.
Chorus: Señor Bu-urns!
Singer: El diablo con dinero.

        It may not surprise you,
        But all of us despise you,
        Please die,
        And fry,
        In Hell,
        You rotten,
        Rich old wretch,
        Adios viejo!
3F01  We Got You Babe
Maude Flanders: They say your folks can't pay the rent,
                So we're watching you by act of government.
  Ned Flanders: Well I don't know if the allegations are true,
                But you got us, and baby we got you.
          Both: Babe, we got you babe.
3F02  Bart's Soul Skipping Song
Sherri & Terri:  Bart sold his soul, and that's just swell,
(& their souls)  Now he's going straight to -
                 Hello operator, give me number nine,
                 and if you disconnect...
3F03  Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Man
Apu: I'm Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club man,
     I hope I will enjoy my show...
3F04  Just Don't Look
Paul Anka: To stop those monsters 1-2-3,
           Here's a fresh new way that's trouble-free,
           It's got Paul Anka's guarantee...
     Lisa: Guarantee void in Tennessee.

     Both: Just don't look!  Just don't look!
           Just don't look!  Just don't look!
           Just don't look!  Just don't look!
3F08  The Stingy and Battery Show theme song
Krusty: They bite!  And light!
        And bite and light and bite!
        Bite bi-bi-yadda-yadda...
        You know what I'm talkin' about.
3F09  Hey Big Spender
   Homer: Hey big spender, dig this blender,
          Rainbow suspenders, hey big spender!

Citizens: We surrender!

   Homer: Speeeeeeend some dough at table three.
3F09  Table Five
(to the tune of "Staying Alive")

Homer: Ah ah ah ah Table Five, Table Five,
       Ah ah ah ah Table Fiiii-i-i-iii-i-i-iii-i-i-ive,
       Table Five, Table Five.
3F13  Jebediah Springfield Song {rl}
Hitch that team up, Jebediah Springfield,
Whip them horses, let them wagons roll,
That a people might embiggen America,
That a man might embiggen his soul,
His soul...
His soul...
3F16  I'm An Amendment
        Kid: Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?
  Amendment: I'm not garbage.

             (starts singing)

             I'm an amendment-to-be, yes an amendment-to-be,
             And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me.

             There's a lot of flag-burners,
             Who have got too much freedom,
             I want to make it legal
             For policemen to beat'em.

            'Cause there's limits to our liberties,
             At least I hope and pray that there are,
            'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.

        Kid: But why can't we just make a law against flag-burning?
  Amendment: Because that law would be unconstitutional.
             But if we changed the Constitution...
        Kid: Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
  Amendment: Now you're catching on!
        Kid: What if people say you're not good enough to be in the


  Amendment: Then I'll crush all opposition to me,
             And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay.
             If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.

Congressman: Good news, Amendment!  They ratified ya!
             You're in the US Constitution!
  Amendment: Oh yeah!
3F15  Dr. Zaius
Chimpanzee 1: Help!  The human's about to escape.
        Troy: Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!
Chimpanzee 2: (gasp) He can talk!
  Orangutans: He can talk!  He can talk!  He can talk!
              He can talk!  He can talk!  He can talk!
        Troy: And I can sing!
 Chimp Nurse: Oooh!  Help me, Dr. Zaius!

  Orangutans: Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              O, Dr. Zaius!
 Orangutan 1: Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!

        Troy: What's wrong with me?
   Dr. Zaius: I think you're crazy.
        Troy: I want a second opinion.
   Dr. Zaius: You're also lazy.

  Orangutans: Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              O, Dr. Zaius!
 Orangutan 1: Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!

        Troy: Can I play the piano any more?
   Dr. Zaius: Of course you can!
        Troy: Well I couldn't before.
              (plays piano)

  Orangutans: Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
              Dr. Zaius!  Dr. Zaius!
3F15  Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z
  Troy: I hate every ape I see,
        From chimpan-A to chimpanzee,
        No, you'll never make a monkey out of me!

        (Statue of Liberty rises)

        O my God!  I was wrong!
        It was Earth, all along!
        You've finally made a monkey,
  Apes: Yes we've finally made a monkey,
  Troy: Yes you've
& Apes: finally made a monkey out of me!
  Troy: I love you, Dr. Zaius!
3F18  Skinner and the Superintendant
Skinner, with his crazy explanations,
The superintendant's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
3F18  Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel

NOTE: The lyrics to this song appeared on-screen.

Some folk'll never eat a skunk
But then again, some folk'll...
Like Cletus
The slack-jawed yokel.
Most folk'll never lose a toe
And then again, some folk'll...
Like Cletus
The slack-jawed yokel.
3F18  The Tomfoolery of Professor John Frink
Frink: Professor Frink, Professor Frink,
       He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think,
       He likes to run, and then the thing,
       With the... person...
3F23  Monty Burns
Smithers: I work for Monty Burns,
          M-m-m-m-m-Monty Burns...
3F23  I Like Me
Remedial Students: I like me, I like me,
                   I'm as good as I can be,
                   With a smile and a wave and happy melody,
                   I'm as good as I...
3F23  Scorpio
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!
4F06  The Spring In Springfield
                      Homer: You could close down Moe's,
                             Or the Kwik-E-Mart,
                             And nobody would care,
                             But the heart and soul
                             Of Springfield's in
                             Our Maison Derriere!

                             (music starts)

                      Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
                             We're the cheese in your cake,
                             We put the spring in Springfield.
             Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,
             Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,
    Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.

                      Belle: We're that little extra spice
                             That makes existence extra-nice,
                             A giddy little thrill
                             At a reasonable price.
                    Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
                             With your total lack of morals.
             Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,
             Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!

    Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
                             The clams on your linguine,
                             Yes we keep the
                             (Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna)
                             In Springfield!

Wiggum, Krusty, and Skinner: We remember our first visit,
               Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!
                 Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
               Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
          Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun
                             Since March of 1961!
                       Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
  Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney: We just heard this place existed!

              Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,
                        Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,
              Dancing Girls: So don't take the
                             (Barney opens a Krusty-in-the-box)
                        Mob: We won't take the
                             (Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle)
                   Everyone: Yes let's keep the
                             (Moe crashes two garbage can lids together)
                             In Springfield!
Krusty hits his face with a pie, Willy accidentally hits Lenny in the head with a sledgehammer, Wiggum and the Comic Book Guy bounce their bellies together, Burns honks the horn on his antique car, Cap'n MacAllister reels in a fish, and Barney burps.

4F06  Marge's Countersong

Marge: Morals and ethics and carnal forbearance...
4F04  Can I Borrow A Feeling?
Kirk Van Houten: Can I borrow a feelin'?
                 Could you send me a jar of love?
                 Hurtin' hearts need some healin',
                 Take my hand with your glove of love!
4F01  Joy to the World {ol}
Nelson: Joy to the world the teacher's dead!
        They barbecued her head!
        What happened to her body?
        We flushed it down the potty
        And 'round and 'round it goes
        And 'round and 'round it... goes...
3G03  Minimum Wage Nanny
       Lisa: If you wish to be our sitter,
             Please be sweet and never bitter.
             Help us with math and book reports,
       Bart: Might I add - eat my shorts!

       Lisa: Bart!
       Bart: Just cuttin' through the treacle.

       Lisa: If Maggie's fussy, dont avoid her,
       Bart: Let me get away with moider!
       Lisa: Teach us songs and magic tricks,
      Homer: Might I add - no fat chicks!

      Marge: Homer!

       Lisa: The nanny we want is kindly and sage,
      Homer: And one who will work for minimum wage.
       Lisa: Hurry nanny, things are grim,

     Grampa: I'll do it!

Bart & Lisa: Anyone but him.
3G03  Cut Every Corner
       Shary: If there's a task that must be done,
              Don't turn your tail and run,
              Don't pout, don't sob,
              Just do a half-assed job!

              If... you... cut every corner
              It is really not so bad,
              Everybody does it,
              Even mom and dad.
              If nobody sees it,
              Then nobody gets mad,
        Bart: It's the American way!

       Shary: The policeman on the beat
              Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea!
       Shary: And the clerk who runs the store
              Can charge a little more
              For meat!
         Apu: For meat!
       Shary: And milk!
         Apu: And milk!
        Both: From 1984!

       Shary: If... you... cut every corner,
              You'll have more time for play,
 Shary & OFF: It's the American waaaaay!
3G03  A Boozehound Named Barney
 Shary: In front of a tavern,
        Flat on his face,
        A boozehound named Barney
        Is pleading his case.

Barney: Buy me a beer,
        Two bucks a glass.
        Come on, help me,
        I'm freezing my ass.

        Buy me brandy,
        A snifter of wine.
        Who am I kidding?
        I'll drink turpentine.

   Moe: Move it, ya drunk,
        Or I'll blast your rear end.
Barney: I found two bucks!
   Moe: Then come in, my friend!

 Shary: And so, let us leave
        On this heartwarming scene.
  Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
 Homer: Not till you're fifteen.
3G03  The Fritz Schnackenpfefferhausen Bratwurst song
Rainier Wolfcastle: Mein bratwurst has a first name,
                    It's F-R-I-T-Z,
                    Mein bratwurst has a second name,
                    It's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.
3G03  Cut Every Corner (Reprise)
Shary: If there's a job that must be done,
       You'll find it's much more fun...

Homer: You'll find it's even more fun if you get it for me!

Shary: But the beer will taste more sweet,
       If you get up off your seat...

 Bart: Lady, the man asked for a beer, not a song!
Shary: Do-re-mi-fa-so...
3G03  Happy With Things The Way They Are
              Homer: Around the house, I never lift a finger,
                     As a husband and a father, I'm sub-par.
                     I'd rather drink a beer
                     Than win father of the year,
                     I'm happy with things the way they are.

               Lisa: I'm getting used to never getting noticed,
               Bart: I'm stuck here till I can steal a car.
              Marge: The house is still a mess,
                     And I'm going bald from stress,
Bart, Marge, & Lisa: But we're happy, just the way we are.

                Ned: They're not perfect,
                     But the Lord says "Love thy neighbour."
              Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
                Ned: Okely-dokely-do.
              Shary: Don't think it's sour grapes,
                     But you're all a bunch of apes,
                     And so I must be leaving you!
4F12  The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show theme song

NOTE: Voice A is the normal theme song voice; voice B is a new, lower-pitched, more dog-like voice.

Voice A: They fight!  And bite!
Voice B: And bark!
Voice A: They fight and bite and bite!
Voice B: And bark!
Voice A: Fight bite bark!
Voice B: Woof woof woof!
Voice A: The Itchy and Scratchy
         And Poochie Show!
4F12  Poochie Rap
Poochie/Homer: The name's Poochie D
               And I rock the telly,
               I'm half Joe Camel
               And a third Fonzarelli.
               I'm the kung fu hippie
               From gangsta city,
               I'm a rappin' surfer,
               You the fool I pity.
4F14  Visiting Springfield Prison
Krusty: I slugged some jerk in Tahoe,
        They gave me one to three.
        My high-priced lawyer sprung me
        On a technicality.
        I'm just visiting Springfield Prison,
        I get to sleep back home tonight.
4F20  "Love-Matic Grampa" Theme {bjr}
While shopping for some cans,
An old man passed away.
He floated up toward Heaven,
But got lost along the way.
Now he's the love-matic Grampa.
The wise Socratic Grampa.
He'll fill our hearts with looooooove.
4F22  You're Checkin' In {nh}
  Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Juryman: He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent.
    Man: Freaked out behaviour both chronic and recent.
   Jury: Drinking and driving, narcotic possession.
  Man 2: And that's just page one of his ten page confession!
  Judge: I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us,
         But this is LA and you're rich and famous!

[In the Betty Ford Centre]

Criminal: I'm checking in.
     All: He's checking in.
Criminal: I'm checking in,
     All: Checking Checking In,
Criminal: No more pills or alcohol,
          No more pot or Demorol,
          No more stinking fun at all,
          I'm checking in.
     All: He's checking in, He's checking in.
  Doctor: No more looking pale and thin,
          No more bugs beneath your skin.
Criminal: Hey, that's just my aspirin.
     All: Check it out, you're checking in!
4F23  The Skinner Song {jo}
Kids: They call him Skinner, Skinner,
      Faster than lightning.
      No one you see,
      Is stricter than he...
3G02  "All in the Family" Parody {jo}, {st}
        Homer: Oy, the way the Bee Gee's played,
        Marge: Movies John Travolta made,
        Homer: Guessing how much Elvis weighed,
Homer & Marge: Those were the days!
        Marge: And you knew where you were then,
        Homer: Watching shows like "Gentle Ben",
Homer & Marge: Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again!
        Homer: Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac,
        Marge: Coming out of my eight-track,
Homer & Marge: Michael Jackson still was black, those were the days!
        Homer: Bart was feeling mighty blue
        Marge: I'ts a shame what school can do
          Apu: For no reason, here's Apu
          All: Those were the days!
3G02  WB Frog Song {jo}
Frog: We're proud to present on the WB, another bad show that no
      one will see! [disgustedly walking off] Ah, I need a drink.
5F05  See the Angel
Homer: Here's the angel,
       see the angel,
       it's my angel,
       no-one elses,
       next to the rakes.
5F06  Magna Carta Song {nh, je}
              Lisa: In 1215 at Runnymede, do da, do, da.
                    The nobles and the king agreed, oh da doo da day.


Marge, Bart & Lisa: On the closing day,
                    The escrow agents pay
                    Taxes, liens and interest, too
                    Thanks to Fanny Mae.
              Bart: Pay back your bank!
5F24  Paint Your Wagon {nh}

Clint & Man: Gonna paint our wagon,
             Gonna paint it good,
             We ain't braggin',
             We're gonna coat the wood.
        All: They're gonna paint their wagon,
             gonna paint it good,
             they ain't braggin',
             they're gonna coat the wood.


        Lee: I'm gonna paint this wagon,
             I'm gonna paint it fine,
             I'm going to use oil-based paint
             because this wood is pine.
      Women: Ponderosa Pine!
5F24  All Singing, All Dancing Wraparounds {nh}
 Lisa: You like musicals don't you dad?
Homer: No, I don't, I think they're bad.
       They're fake and phony and totally wrong.
 Bart: Wake up dad, you're singing a song.
Homer: I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff.
Marge: Now Homer, listen, I've had enough.
       In our family videos we have clearly seen,
       you're a singing, dancing, entertainment machine.


 Bart: Mom was right, your singing's a sin.
       You're as les mis�rable as Lee Marvin.
Marge: Sure your dad's singing could make your hair curl,
       but you too Bart have sung and danced like a girl.
 Bart: Eep.


 Lisa: That was pretty bad Bart,
       but it could have been worse,
       you could have been carrying a sequined verse.
 Bart: I hate to dance, and prance and sing.
       That's really more of a Milhouse thing.
Marge: I think you move like a young Baryshnikov.
Snake: Nobody move, or I'll blow your heads off.
  All: Ohh.
Snake: Ohh.

Marge: It's a desperate criminal on the run from the law,
       please spare my children.
Homer: And their damp-trousered pa.
Snake: A singing family,
       it's worse than I feared,
       for hostage purposes,
       you're just too weird. Bye!
Homer: See? All this singing scared him away,
       if we just talked like normal he'd probably stay.
 Lisa: Many people in this town sing like we do.
       There's Mr. Burns, there's Krusty, and even Apu.


 Lisa: Because he was singing,
       we overheard his plan,
       and could save those dogs from that mean old man.
 Bart: It still wasn't worth,
       Burns, a song and dance.
Snake: I'm back so resume,
       wetting your pants.
Homer: O.K
Snake: Because of you all I've got a tune in my head,
       and the only way to stop it is to make you all dead.

Snake: Say your prayers, and then it's kablamo.
       Uh-oh, I'll be back when I get some ammo. Bye!
Homer: Even the criminals are beginning to croon.
Marge: Homey, this whole town runs on a tune.
       Our churches, our clubs, our government too.
 Bart: Springfield swings like a pendulum do.
 Lisa: We can't even get any local laws passed,
       without everyone singing... like a big broadway cast.


Homer: All right Marge,
       you've convinced me,
       there are more terrible things
       than musical comedies where everyone sings.
 Lisa: There is something worse.
 Bart: And it really does blow.
  All: When a long running series does a cheesy clip show!
Snake: I'm back to commit phelonious assault,
       because your infernal singing,
       just would not halt.
5F23  Fishing! {nh}
Homer: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Fishing!
       Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Fishing!
       Fishing! Fishing... Fishing!
5F21  Leader! {tt}
    Movementarians:  Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Leader!
All (except Homer):  Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Leader!
                     Leader! Leader...
             Homer:  Batman! ... I mean Leader!
5F10  Canyonero {jr}
Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
[Krusty:] Hey Hey

The Federal Highway comission has ruled the
Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.


12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!

Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

Drive Canyonero!

Woah Canyonero!

5F12  Stealing a Car {nh}
Homer: Stealing, Stealing,
       Stealing a car for Moe!
       De, de, de, de,
       Insurance fraud today!
5F09  The Garbage Man Can {em}
            Homer : Who can take your trash out?
                    Stomp it down for you?
                    Shake the plastic bag and do the twisty thingy-doo?
                    The Garbage Man!

        Trash Men : Yes the Garbage Man Can!

Homer + Trash Men : The Garbage Man can
                    And he does it with a smile
                    And never judges you.

            Marge : Who can take this diaper?

        Trash Man : I don't mind at all!

     Chief Wiggum : Who can clean me up before the big policeman's ball?
                    The Garbage Maaaaan!

        Trash Men : Yes the Garbage Man can.

               U2 : The sanitation folks
                    Are jolly friendly blokes.
                    Courteous and easy-going

         The Edge : They'll mop up when you're oh-

 U2 and Trash Men : -ver flowin'!

             Bono : And tell you when your arse is showing'!

              Apu : Who can?
     Sideshow Mel : Who can?
     Ned Flanders : Who can?
            Oscar : Who can?

              All : The Garbage Man can!

    Bart and Lisa : Coz he's Homer Simpson, man!

              All : He cleans the!

                    [crowd cheers]
AABF01  Mama Took The Batteries {rg}
Mama took those batteries,
She took 'em away,
Mama took those batteries,
Size double-A.
AABF05  The Jedi Song {jo}
         Hamill: Luke, be a Jedi tonight!
                 Just be a Jedi tonight!
Hamill & Chorus: Do it for Yoda, while we serve our guests a soda.
         Hamill: Uh, and do it for Chewie and the Ewoks, and all the
                 other puppets ...
Hamill & Chorus: Luke, be a Jedi tonight!
AABF06  Homer's Ned Song {jo}
Homer: Nobody's gonna take my Ned, gonna teach him to have
AABF07  Talk to the Hand Theme {jo}
Female Singers: Talk to the hand, the face ain't listening...
AABF07  The "Kids" Parody {jo}
      Kids: Adults!
    Adults: Kids!
      Kids: Adults!
    Adults: Kids!
      Kids: Adults!

   Lovejoy: Kids!  You've had your fun,
            now we've had our fill.
     Homer: Yeah!  You're only here 'cause Marge forgot her pill.
    Wiggum: Kids, you're all just scandalizing, vandalizing
    Krusty: Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys!
            Please don't quit the fan-club!
     Marge: Kids!  I can nag and nag 'til my hair turns blue!
      Edna: Kids!  You bum my smokes and don't say 'thank you'!
Rod & Todd: Why can't you be like we are?
    Adults: Oh, what a bunch of brats!
       Moe: We oughta drown you just like cats!
      Bart: Adults!  You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
    Nelson: Adults!  You strut around like your farts don't
      Lisa: Adults!  You're such a drooling, boring, boozing
            boring bunch.  Surly, meany, three-martini lunchers
     Ralph: I just ate a thumbtack!
  Milhouse: Adults!  They're always telling us to ...
       Abe: ... shut your traps!
    Jasper: Eh ... we're fed up with all you whipper-snaps!
 Elderlies: We're tryin' to get some sleep here, it's almost six-
            What's the matter with ...
    Adults: Don't you treat us like ...
      Kids: Can't you just lay off ...
 Elderlies: We're sick of all of you!
       All: Kids ... to ... day!
AABF08  Pina Colonic {jo}
Homer: Do you like pina colonics, and getting caught in the
       rain... passing out in the ocean...
AABF09  Max Power {jo}
Homer:    Max Power, he's the man who's name you'd love to
          touch!  But you mustn't touch!  His name sounds good in your
          ear, but when you say it, you mustn't fear!  'Cause his name
          can be said by anyone!
AABF12  Homer's Tank Song {bjr}
Homer:  Ooh!  Ee!  Ooh-ah-ah!  Ching, chang, walla-
        walla-bing-bang!  Ooh!  Ee!  Ooh-ah-ah!
AABF15  Beer in the Coconut {rg, je}
Homer: You put da beer in da coconut and drink it all up
       You put da beer in da coconut and throw da can away ...
       [throws a beer can at Ned]
  Ned: Homer!
Homer: You throw da can away ...
       [throws another beer can]
  Ned: I said, Homer!
Homer: You throw da can away.
       [he runs out of beer cans]
AABF16  The Children are Our Future {gg2}
Students:  Children, children,
           Future, future.
Milhouse:  Are you ready for the...
Students:  ...children, whoa whoa whoa!
    Lisa:  The future is a...
Students:  ...coming, hey hey hey!
           Children, children,
           Future, future
Students:  Children, children,
           Children are the future!
AABF18  Kernel Knowledge {gg2}
Homer: I'm hot buttered,
       Check it and see!
       I've got a fever of 453!
       I'm hot, so very hot.
AABF19  Glove Slap {bjr}
B-52s:  [to the tune of "Love Shack"]
        A glove slap in a little old face will
        Get you satisfaction.
        Glove slap ba-a-beee ...
        (Glove slap, baby)
        Glove slap, baby, glove slap!
        Glove slap, I don't take crap!
        Glove slap, shut your big yap.
The following lyrics are heard over the end credits:
B-52s:  [to the tune of "Love Shack"]
        Glove slap, shut your big yap.
        (Oooh, glove baby, that's where it's at.  Yeah!)
        (Glove, baby, give it a... )
AABF19  Zorro Rap
From the Z to the O to the double R-O,
he's the dude in the mask from the barrio.
With his horse and his mask and his big old sword,
he'll cut your butt from a '52 Ford.
AABF20  The Osaka Seafood Concern Company Loyalty Song {gg2}
Squid:  Knife-a goes in,
        Guts-a come out,
        That's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about!
        (anguished scream)
AABF21  I Work Hard for the Money {bg}
Homer:  [voice on cassette, singing]
        I work hard for the money
        So hard for the money
        Oh, I something, something money,
        Come on give me lots of honey.
AABF21  Homer's Food Song {ko}
 Homer (spoken):  Oh, I like food alright.
Homer (singing):  I like pizza; I like bagels;
                  I like hotdogs with mustard and beer.
Editor (spoken):  I get the picture.
          Homer:  I'll eat eggplant. I could even eat a ba-a-by deer.
                  La- la- la- la- la- la- la- la la- la-
                  Who's that baby deer on the la-awn there?
Editor (spoken):  Enough already!
 Homer (spoken):  Sorry.
AABF22  Ritalin Song {bjr}
Bart:  [singing to the tune of "Popeye, the Sailor Man"]
       When I can't stop my fiddlin'
       I just takes me Ritalin
       I'm poppin' and sailin', man!
BABF01  Fog Lights {bjr}
Homer:  [sings to "Sugar Crisp" tune]
        Can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp ...
        Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in
        [from a distance, singing]
        Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in.
BABF01  Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl {gg2}
Singers:  Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl!
          He's a human rubber band
          And she's the Hulk in pearls!
          He's a limber lad
          She's a powerful lass
          He'll wring your neck
          And she'll kick your ass!
          They're Stretch Dude
          And Clobber Girl!
          Stretch Dude, Clobber Girl!
          Stretch Dude, Clobber Girl!...
BABF04  Disco Lady
Disco Stu:  Move it in, shove it out, Disco Lady.
Disco Stu:  Back away, not today, Disco Lady.
BABF05  Mental House Rock
Greaser:  Doctors threw a party at the loony bin,
          you gotta be crazy if you want to get in,
          Napoleon is playing his imaginary sax,
          the dancefloor's filling up with maniacs!

          Let's rock.  Do the Mental House rock!
          Let's rock.  Do the Mental House rock!

          If you'll dance with the Doc,
          he'll give you electro shock!

          If you'll dance with the Doc,
          he'll give you electro shock!

          Slam! slam! slam!
BABF06  Brother Faith's Revival
Brother Faith:  Now let's hear it,
                for the Holy Spirit,
                no need to fear it,
                just revere it.
                He works in heaven,
                that's a twenty four/seven,
                that's right - a-check the bible,
                a-John 2:11.
BABF06  Testify!
                 Bart:  Satan, Eat My Shorts!

                 Bart:  I was a sinner, a real bad kid.
                        What thou shalt not, I shalt did.
                        Neighbours cat I tried to neuter,
                        took a whizz on the school computer.
       Sherri & Terri:  He took a whizz, oh yes he did!
                 Bart:  But now I've changed, you can't deny,
                        come on up - and testify!
       Sherri & Terri:  Testify!  Testify!  Come on up and testify!
                  Abe:  My hip's misbehavin'!
       Sherri & Terri:  Testify!
                Patty:  Got a nicotine craving!
       Sherri & Terri:  Testify!
                Frink:  There's a cramp in my glavin!
       Sherri & Terri:  Testify!
Bart & Sherri & Terri:  Testify!
                  All:  Testify!


             Milhouse:  My glasses make me look like a geek.
                 Bart:  Now you'll get the girls you seek.
       Sherri & Terri:  We'll see you at Makeout Creek.
    All (Except Bart):  Bart's the boy of the hour,
                        he's got the power!
                        So raise your voice and don't be shy,
                        Test-a, test-a,
                  All:  Test-a-fyyyyyyy!
                        Testify!  Testify!  Come on up and Testify!

    Milhouse (spoken):  Thank you Bart for fixing my vision,
                        now I see with total precision!
                 Bart:  Song's over Milhouse, but you're welcome.
BABF06  Halftime of my life
Singers:  [to the tune of "Time of my life"]
          I had the halftime of my life,
          and I owe it all to S.U.
BABF09  Land of the Jockeys
All jockeys (chanting):  Freaks, freaks, freaks!
           All jockeys:  We are the jockeys, jockeys are we.
                         We live underground in a fiberglas tree.
              Jockey 1:  Hah!
              Jockey 2:  Ooo!
              Jockey 3:  Haha!
              Jockey 3:  'tween Earth and Hell, we reign supreme,
              Jockey 4:  on toadstool thrones by a chocolate stream.

              Jockey 5:  But all is not well in Jockey Town.
              Jockey 6:  Your renegade horse is making us frown.
        Homer (spoken):  What do you want me to do?
              Jockey 7:  Your horse must lose.
        Homer (spoken):  My horse must lose?
              Jockey 7:  No win!
              Jockey 8:  No show!
              Jockey 3:  No place!
              Jockey 4:  Just lose the stinkin' race.
        Homer (spoken):  And what if I refuse to lose?
              Jockey 7:  We'll eat your brain.
       Homer (singing):  My horse must lose!

BABF10  A Book about a Man
Rachel (spoken):  This is a love song about dude I met in a sleazy motel...
                  A dude named God!

         Rachel:  In a motel room in Delacroix,
                  I was drinking like a Dartsmouth boy,
                  and thinkin' 'bout the wrong turns that I took.
                  Well I woke up on the puke green floor,
                  and opened up a dresser drawer,
                  lookin' for a bottle but instead I found a book.

         Rachel:  A book about a man,
                  a book about the dude who lives above.
                  A book about a man,
                  who drives a pickup full of sweet, sweet love.

         Rachel:  Now if you think he doesn't care,
                  or maybe that he isn't there,
                  it's not too late to see how wrong you are.
                  So when your soul has gone astray,
                  just let God be your triple-A,
                  he'll tow you to salvation and he'll overhaul your heart!
BABF10  A Show about Ned
Rachel:  It's a show about Ned,
         about him losing his sweet wife.
         She landed on her head,
         but now it's time to get on with his life.
BABF13  Daquiritaville
Bart:  [to the tune of "Margaritaville"]
       Wasted once more Daquiritaville..
BABF13  Refund Adjustments
Bart:  [to the tune of "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"]
       If you like refund adjustments,
       and the music I play,
       send a check to my friend Ralph,
       and he'll send you a tape.
BABF13  Tape-O
 Bart:  [to the tune of "Day-O"]
        Daylight come and you wanta my tape.
Ralph:  Tape, he say ta-a-ape-oh
 Bart:  Post Office Box 3 - 0 - 4 - 5 - 2.
BABF15  Shop at Stan's
Stan:  [to the tune of "If you're Happy and you Know it Clap Your Hands"]
       If you're happy and you know it shop at Stan's.
       Giant discounts on your favorite major brands.
BABF15  Spaceship Lollipop
Cast:  [to the tune of "Good Ship Lollipop"]
       On the Spaceship Lollipop,
       gingerbread men like to do Hip Hop;
       And chocolate chips,
       make a rockin' fuel for rocket ships!

Cast:  We just love to dance on Mars,
       where everything's made from candy bars...
BABF19  Simpsons Boogie
The Simpsons:  We're gonna grove tonight,
               we'll make you feel alright -
               Simpsons Boogie!
BABF19  Rent II - Condo Fever!
Homer:  Where is the rent?
        I must have the rent!
        Dollars, dimes and nickels,
        I need them all right now!
BABF19  Simpsons Christmas Boogie
The Simpsons:  We're gonna grove tonight,
               we'll make you feel alright -
               Simpsons Christmas Boogie!

The Simpsons:  We're dancing to the beat,
               We'll make you move your feet -
               Simpsons Christmas Boogie!

The Simpsons:  Simpsons Christmas Boogie!

The Simpsons:  Simpsons Christmas Boogie!
CABF01  Put it in Your Cap
Marge:  When you get a penny from a chum,
        don't just buy some bubble-gum.
        Put it in your cap, put it in your cap.

        When you find a nickel in the snow,
        don't just blow it on a picture show.
        Put it in your cap, put it in your cap.

        When you spy a quarter in a pie...
CABF01  This Log
Singers:  This log is your log,
          this log is my log,
          when lightning struck it,
          it kicked the bucket!
    Moe:  I poured some onions,
          inside my trousers.
Singers:  This log, it used to be a tree.
          Now it spreads love to you and me.
          Hey look, it's heading out to sea!
CABF04  Happy First 'A'
Waiters:  [To the tune of "Happy Birthday to You"]
          Happy first 'A', Bart Simpson,
	  Happy first 'A' to you!
CABF04  Sold Separately
Smithers:  Sold separately,
           Sometimes I feel like I've been sold separately;
	   But out of the box I find you poseable..
   Stacy:  ..loveable..
    Both:  ..just like me.
CABF06  The Christmas That Almost Wasn't but then Was
Hobgoblin:  I will always be true;
            spend my days pitching woo, to you!
Woman:      And I love you, too.
            I am you and you are you.
	    Oh, you and me, together you can see.
CABF10  Oh Bob
Krusty:  Oh Bob, you repayed my abuse with raw hatred,
         But I need you today.
	 Oh Bob, well you went to Apu's and you framed me,
         So they locked me away...
CABF12  We rule the Earth
Party Posse:  Party Posse, we rule the Earth,
              The greatest band, since music's birth!
   Milhouse:  We love to sweat, and we love to sing.
     Nelson:  We're real funky, but not threatening.
      Ralph:  We're the best band in the world,
       Bart:  But we'd give it all up for that special girl!
Party Posse:  You're my special g-iiii-rrr-l...
     Nelson:                        Speeeeciallll giiirrrl!
Party Posse:  You're my special g-iiii-rrr-l...
     Nelson:                        Only yoooooooou!
CABF12  At the Spelling Bee
       Bart:  I saw you last night at the spelling bee.
   Milhouse:  I knew right then that it was L-U-V.
     Nelson:  I gotta spell out what you mean to me.
      Ralph:  Cause I can no longer be -
              a silent "G".
Party Posse:  I've gotta spell out
      Ralph:          I've gotta spell out
Party Posse:  I've gotta spell out what you mean to me.
      Ralph:                                     What you mean to me.
CABF12  Drop da Bomb
   Party Posse:  Oh, say can you rock?

      Milhouse:  There's trouble in a far off nation,
         Ralph:  Time to get in love formation.
          Bart:  Your love's more deadly than Saddam.
        Nelson:  That's why I gotta drop da bomb!

Female Singers:  Yvan eht nioj!
                 Yvan eht nioj!
		 Yvan eht nioj!  Eht nioj!

	Nelson:  This party is happening,
	         It's no mirage.
          Bart:  So sing it again -
      Milhouse:  Y
         Ralph:   van
	Nelson:        eht
   Party Posse:             nioj!
Female Singers:               Y van eht nioj!  
Female Singers:  Y van eht nioj!
CABF12  Docked in Springfield!
   Milhouse:  Had a girl in every port,
              From here to Barcelona!
     Nelson:  But now I'm docked in Springfield;
              And girl, I'm gonna phone ya!
      Ralph:  Stormed a lot of beaches,      
              But you're the one that I missed.
       Bart:  Let's get back together, girl,
              Let's reenlist!
Party Posse:  So sign me up for a hitch of love,
              Recruit my heart,
	      Four sweet years of love!


Party Posse:  Let's march all day,
              And clean latrines all night...
              [Party Posse's voices revert to normal]
              Don't bust me down,
	      Let's re-up tonight!
	      Let's re-up tonight!
CABF09  Homer's Hunger Song
Homer:  a-Dancin' away my hunger pangs.
        Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt.
        I'm kinda like Jesus;
        But not in a sacreligious way.
CABF11  Homer's Safety Dance
Homer:  You can dance,
        You can dance,
	Everybody look at your pants.
CABF16  The Good Guy Awards
Krusty:  I'm a nice guy,
         I'm a hell of a guy,
         And tonight we honour you!
CABF17  Nothing Beats the Hobo Life
Hobo:  Nothing beats the Hobo life,
       Stabbin' folks with my hobo knife.
       I gouge them here...
CABF17  King Sized Woodsman
Hobo:  Won't you listen to my tale that's ten stories tall,
       'bout a king sized woodsman named a-Bunyan comma Paul.

Hobo:  Born mighty big, he continued to expand,
       Thanks to a hopped up pituitary gland.

Hobo:  His body grew big, but his brain stayed small.
       He was tree choppin', friend stompin', house crushin' Paul!

Hobo:  Paul was just as lonely as a man could get;
       So he took out his axe and he carved himself a pet.

Hobo:  Now Paul and Babe were a mighty fine match,
       But the man had an itch that an ox couldn't scratch.
CABF22  Weddings are Nice
Won't you marry me Bill?
I got the wedding gown, Bill!
'cause weddings are nice!
CABF20  Gonna open Moe's Bar {ad}
Homer:  I'm a-walkin' down the street
        Gonna Open Moe's bar
        I'm a-singin' what I'm thinking
        Hey, look at that Dog!
CABF20  We Won't Drink at Moe's
Homer, Lenny, Carl & Barney:  I won't drink at Moe's!
                              Homer's old garage is all I need.
                              I won't drink at Moe's!
                      Homer:  'cause Moe's a big jerk and a shemale, too!
CABF20  The End of the World as we Know it (Homer's version)
Leonoid whatsis name, Herman Munster Motorcade;
Birthday party cheetos, pogo sticks and lemonade;
You symbiotic stupid jerk,
That's right Flanders, I am talking about you!
DABF02  Floss it
Homer:  [To the tune of "Whip it"]
        When you have a Ribeye steak,
        You must floss it!
        Oh, that Meat Loaf tasted great,
        You must floss it!

        Now floss it,
        Floss it good.
DABF01  We Are Family (Simpson version)
The Simpsons:  We are family!
        Bart:  Our bitter fights are now history.
The Simpsons:  We are family!
       Homer:  Wolves and cougars ate our roast beef.
DABF05  Lesbians of the Carribean Float Song
Yo, ho, ho, it's an alternative lifestyle for me!
DABF04  Modem Noise Song
Artie:  Hey, Computer Geek,
        You will be connected in no time.
DABF04  Sweet Dreams (Artie's version)
Artie:  [to the tune of "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)"]
        I travelled the world and the seven seas;
	I am watching you through a camera!
DABF07  Can't Keep it In
  Apu:  [to the tune of "Don't Fence me In"]
        Sir you can not pee unless you are an employee.
Homer:  Can't keep it in!
DABF09  That Old Time Fun
Abe:  Give me that old time fun,
      Give me that old time fun,
      Give me that old time fuuuuuuuun.
      The kind where we stay home!
DABF09  Ode to Branson
            All:  Remember the stars
                  you loved yesterday.
                  Where did they go?
                  Did they all pass away?
                  Was it drugs or a car crash,
                  Or face lift gone wrong?
                  No, they're right here in Branson,
                  and singing this song!

          Charo:  My name is Charo,
                  I shake my maracas.
          Mr. T:  Remember me, fool?
                  I was B. A. Baracus.

            All:  We're the performers you thought were dead,
                  Like Bonnie Franklin and Adrian Zmed.
                  Branson's the place we can always be found,
                  They took Nick at Nite, and made it a town!

Ray Jay Johnson:  You can call me "Ray",
                  Or you can call me "Jay".
		  Just don't call me "washed up",
                  I do three shows a day!	  
 Charlie Callas:  Charlie Callas doesn't sleep in the ground,
                  Yes, I'm still alive and I'm making my sounds!

            All:  So sit back, relax and watch our review,
 Yakov Smirnoff:  In Soviet Union, review watches you!
DABF08  Island of Sirens
Sirens:  On the Island,
         Island of Sirens.
	 Our hot sex will leave you perspirin'. 

Sirens:  The feta is cheesy,
         The sirens are easy!
         On the Island,
         We'll sex you up.
	 Island of Sirens.
DABF10  Simpson Congo Line
 Homer:  Take me to the hotel!
         My hands are on a guy's ass!
         Boy, this dude must work out!
Family:  Hey!  hehehehehe..  Hey!
DABF10  Minibar Song
 Bart:  [To the tune of the "Chiquita Banana" song]
        I'm Chiquita Banana and I'm here to say...
Homer:  I will eat this Toblerone and I will not pay.
DABF10  Homer's Rio Song
Homer:  I'm in Rio!
        And I'm walking on the beach.
	I'm in my Speedo!
DABF11  Smoke on the Water (Homer's version)
Homer:  Smoke on the water.
        Duh duh dah, duh duh duh dah!
        Duh duh dah, duh dah!

	They burned down the gambling house,
        It died with an awful sound.

        I am hungry for a candy bar,
	I think I'll eat a Mounds.
DABF12  Camptown Races (God Couple version)
         Ned:  De Camptown ladies sing dis song.
        Both:  Doo-dah! Doo-dah!
     Lovejoy:  Homer Simpson's breath is strong.  
               Oh!  da Doo-dah.


         Ned:  De Camptown ladies sing dis song.
        Both:  Doo-dah! Doo-dah!
     Lovejoy:  The Camptown racetrack's five miles long.
Ned (spoken):  That's better.
     Lovejoy:  Homer's breath smells bad...
Ned (spoken):  Oh, those are NOT the words!
DABF12  You'll never stop the Simpsons {sf}
Ullman shorts, Christmas show,
Marge's fling, Homer's bro,
Bart in well, Flanders fails,
Whacking snakes, Monorail,
Mr. Plow, Homer in space,
Sideshow Bob steps on rakes,
Lisa's future, Selma's hubby,
Marge not proud, Homer chubby,
Homer worries Bart is gay,
Poochie, U2, NRA,
Hippies, Vegas, and Japan,
Octuplets, and Bart's boy band,
Marge murmurs, Maude croaks,
Lisa Buddhas, Homer tokes,
Maggie blows Burns away,
What else do I have to say?!

You'll never stop the Simpsons,
Have no fears, we've got stories for years like...

Marge becomes a robot,
Maybe Moe gets a cell phone,
Has Bart ever owned a bear or...

How about a crazy wedding?
Where something happens, and do-do do-do-do
Sorry for the clip show!
Have no fears, we've got stories for years!
DABF13  Mellow Yellow (Homer's version)
They call me mellow yellow
(Quite rightly)
This fellow never bellows
(Quite rightly)
DABF15  Tubthumping (Homer's version)
I get knocked down
I get knocked down again
You're never gonna knock me down.


I take a whisky drink,
I take a chocolate drink,
And when I have to pee,
I use the kitchen sink.
I sing the song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy.
DABF17  Radar Love (Homer's version)
I've been drivin' all night and it's wet on the wheel,
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel,
It's my baby callin' on the telephone!
I got some pizza and I'm bringing it home.
DABF19  In The Jungle (Homer's version)
In the jungle, the creepy jungle,
Homer rides a freak!
DABF19  Calfs in the Field {ad}
       Bart:  Calfs in the field so you sneak Up slow,
              Grab 'em by the tail and go man, go.
       Lisa:  Break into the bank and snacth that dough.
Bart & Lisa:  Please don't hurt our family. 

DABF22  Tom Petty's Lyrics Workshop
Tom Petty:  See that drunk girl speeding down the street,
            She's worried about the state of public schools.

            She likes to party, she likes to rock,
            She prays that our schools don't run out of chalk.
DABF22  Homer's Test Song
 Homer (spoken):  Test, test.
                  Test, test, check, check.
Homer (singing):  Test,
                  You're testing my love for you.
                  Check, check,
                  You're checking to see if I'm true.
                  Test one, test two, test three, test four,
                  You test me like the water in El Salvador.


Homer (singing):  Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby!
DABF20  Safety Assembly
         M.C Safety:  Yo, yo, yo, y'all feeling cautious?
                      I say a-crosswalk, a cross and a walk,
                      and you don't stop crossing 'til you're on the next block,
                      First you look both ways then you walk not run,
                      Obeying safety rules is acceptable fun.
                      Break it down now!
Caution crew rapper:  Just walk, don't run, drink juice, yum yum.
DABF18  Who Left the Milk Out {ad}
	Baha Men:  Who left the milk out?
Baha Men & Marge:  Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! 
                   Dad left the milk out.
                   Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
DABF18  You're a Bunch of Stuff {ad}
         Homer:  You took a twenty karat diamond and made it gleam,
                 Like a big spaghetti dinner smothered in whip cream.
Comic book guy:  You're like X-Men number three in a Mylar bag.
         Snake:  You're a brand new muscle car and all the wheels are mag.
         Burns:  You make me feel as young as the blood I get from sheep.
   Sea Captain:  You're like Jacqueline Bisset in my favorite film, "The Deep".
           Moe:  You're sexy and exotic like a hooker from Belize.
       Hibbert:  Or a patient with insurance whose crawling with disease.
           Men:  You're a sundae underneath two great big cherries.
         Marge:  Keep in mind they're only temporaries!
           Men:  Here we'd like to say that we are very, very glad to see you,
        Quimby:  And I decree you...
                 ...The hottest thing to hit this city since the fire that killed eleven...
	   All:  [gasp]
        Quimby:  ...dangerous criminals!
           All:  Hooray!
         Homer:  And they're all mine.
DABF18  Bart's Follow-up Song
Bart:  I got Krusty in hot water now I have to get him out, dun, dun, dun...
DABF18  Who Let her Jugs out?
Baha Men:  Who Let Her Jugs Out? 
   Homer:  Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! 
Baha Men:  Marge Let Her Jugs Out! 
   Homer:  Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
Baha Men:  Who Let Her Jugs Out? 
   Homer:  Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! 
Baha Men:  Marge Let Her Jugs Out! 
   Homer:  Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
Baha Men:  Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup!
           Who Let Her Jugs Out? 
   Homer:  Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! 
Baha Men:  Marge Let Her Jugs Out! 
   Homer:  Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
Baha Men:  Hup hup hup hup hup hup..
EABF01  I've Grown Accustomed to his Face
            Bob:  I've grown accustomed to his face;
                  And dreams of gouging out his eyes.
                  I've grown accustomed to my hate,
                  My plans to lacerate,
                  To disembowl,
                  To hear him howl.
                  The very reason that I live,
                  Is plotting how to watch him die.

Homer (shouted):  BART!  Turn down that original cast recording and go to sleep.

            Bob:  I know this chubby scalawag has made my life a living Hell.
                  Surely if I drank his blood, I'd be at peace, but well.

           Bart:  You've grown accustomed to my face.

   Bob (spoken):  This isn't a duet.
  Bart (spoken):  Sorry.

            Bob:  I've grown accustomed to your fear,
                  Accustomed to revenge,
                  Accustomed to your face.
EABF02  What Do I Think of the Pie? {ad}
Homer:  What do I think of the pie?
        What do I think of the pie?
        Goodness gracious, it's delicious,
        That's what I think of the pie!
EABF05  Baby Stinkbreath Jingle
He's the baby whose mouth smells like death.
Run for your life, it's Baby Stinkbreath!
EABF07  Ribwich Commercial
Like a rib, it tastes like liberty.
Like a rib, with a bun of sesame.
EABF08  Jellyfish
Jellyfish, along you came,
and right away I'm stung.
Sweet words I long to whisper,
But you've paralyzed my tounge.
EABF08  A Girl with no Name
Ned:  [to the tune of "A Horse With No Name"]
      Well, I've got a date with a girl with no name,
      It sure feels good to be back in the game.
      At desert, maybe I can ask her her name;
      'cause I can't pray for her without the right name.
EABF08  Jellyfish (Reprise)
Jellyfish, I held you close,
and told you I love you.
But then the ocean took you back,
and now I just hold goo.

Jellyfish, I held you close,
and said that I love you.
But then the ocean took you back,
My Jelly I'll miss you!
For now I just hold goo.
EABF09  Krusty campaign song
When a man loves his country,
like Krusty loves America!
EABF12  Homer and Marge
Weird Al Yankovic:  [to the tune of "Jack and Diane"]
                    Little Ditty about Homer and Marge.
                    Her heart was as big as his stomach was large.
                    Oh yeah, they say love goes on.
                    Long after the grilled cheese sandwich is gone.
EABF12  Homer and Marge (Reprise)
Weird Al Yankovic:  [to the tune of "Jack and Diane"]
                    That's the story about Homer and Marge.
                    Two folks I helped out for a nominal charge.
                    After Homer went gay, they patched up their schism;
                    But the dude never dealt with his alcoholism.
                    Weird Al's here...
                    Oh yeah, the credits go on,
                    Long after the viewer's interest is gone.
                    Oh yeah, Weird Al had fun on this show,
                    Even if it was just a brief cameo.
EABF13  Flanders is his Name {cr}
                Homer:  Everybody in the U.S.A.
                        Hates their stupid neighbor.
                        He's Flanders and he's really, really lame!
                        Flanders tried to wreck my song,
                        His views on birth control are wrong.
                        I hate his guts and Flanders is his name.
Lenny, Carl and Homer:  F-L-A-N-R-D-S!
                Homer:  He's the man that I hate best,
		        I'd like to see his house go up in flames.		
EABF13  Everybody Hates Ned Flanders {cr}
Lenny, Carl, and Homer:  F-L-A..
                 Homer:  His name is Ned!
 Lenny, Carl and Homer:  E-R-S..
                 Homer:  That's a stupid name! 
		         He's worse than Frankenstein or Dr. No!
           David Byrne:  You can't upset him even slightly,
                         He just smiles and nods politely,
			 Then goes home and worships nightly.
                         His Leftorium is an emporium of woe!
Lenny, Carl, and Homer:  F-L-A..
                 Homer:  Don't yell at Ned.
 Lenny, Carl and Homer:  D-E-R..
                 Homer:  His wife is dead!
          		 Everybody hates that stupid jerk.
           David Byrne:  Springfield rocks with Homer's joyous loathing,
                         Filling clubs with angry Valentinos.
                         You don't have to move your feet,
                         Just hate Flanders to the disco beat.
 David Byrne and Homer:  He's your perky, peppy, nightmare neighborino!
         Homer and Ned:  If you despise polite left-handers,
                         Then I doubt you'll like Ned Flanders,
                         Or his creepy little offspring Rod and Todd!
          Rod (spoken):  That's us!
         Todd (spoken):  Hooray!
                 Choir:  F-L-A..
                   Apu:  His name is Ned,
                 Choir:  D-R-S..
                   Apu:  He is so white bread!
          Church Choir:  The smiling mustached geek who walks with God!
      Lovejoy (spoken):  Mass dismissed.
EABF13  Everybody Hates Ned Flanders (William Shatner version)
William Shatner:  Everybody in the USA,
                  hates their stupid neighbour.
                  He's the Flanders man.  The Flanders man.
EABF13  El Hombre Estúpido! {en}
David Byrne:  No nos gusta Flanders, 
              es un hombre estúpido!
              No nos gusta Flanders,
	      es un hombre estúpido!
EABF13  Barn Dance
Well, grab your partner and start swingin' 'em,
Don't forget the two drink minimum.
Take your courter by the hand,
Get adult videos on demand.
Flash your teeth let's see those smiles.
Pay with Visa, earn free miles!
EABF13  The Moe Szyslak Connection
Moe:  Moe, Moe, Moe!  
      How do you like me?  How do you like me?
      Moe, Moe, Moe!
      Why don't you like me?  Nobody likes me.
EABF15  I Love to Walk
                   Homer:  I like to walk down the avenue, 
                           Bust-a-move with Disco Stu.
               Disco Stu:  You shake me from my booty to my fro.
                   Homer:  Yes, I strut down the boulevard, 
                           Burning off my excess lard.
			   I rarely feel the need to water down.
          Homer (Spoken):  Top of the morning, ladies!
Patty and Selma (Spoken):  Bite Us.
                   Homer:  I can walk from Springfield to Alaska.
                           Then hobnob with the stars in Malibu.
  Steve Buscemi (Spoken):  Hi Homer, I'm actor Steve Buscemi.
          Homer (Spoken):  The guy who got fed into the wood chipper In Fargo?
                   Homer:  And When I Hear -
		 Turkmen:  You can't walk to Turkmenistan!
                   Homer:  I say "Of course I can, screw you!".
  Steve Buscemi (Spoken):  Hey, would you guys like tickets to the independent film awards?
        Turkmen (Spoken):  Would we?
                   Homer:  Oh I love to perambulate,
		           it's standing still I really hate.
                           So let me please reiterate,
			   I love to... D'oh!!

EABF15  Song for Marge
Jackson Browne:  You hooked up in high school,
                 now you've come so far.
                 And you started to hate him,
                 and hit him with your car.
         Homer:  So I threw you a fancy banquet.
                 And now you can't stay mad.
                 How 'bout a make-up snuggle,
                 It would be so rad.


Jackson Browne:  When you turned out the light,
                 I've got to hand it to me.
                 It looks like it's me and you again tonight,

EABF16  We'll be Safe Inside Our Fortress... {ad}
Ned:  [to the tune of "She'll be Coming Round the Mountain"]
      We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come,
      We'll be safe from creeps and killers when they come,
      Unless they have a blow-torch or a poison gas injector,
      Then I don't know what'll happen when they come.
EABF16  Tribal Chief Song {ad}
Homer:  I am Homer, tribal chief.
        I am wearing tiny briefs.
	Braves teach values boys should know.
        Now extended drum solo.
EABF16  The Star-Spangled Banner (Pre-teen Braves version)
Oh say can you see,
Back in row double-z,
That the team sucks out loud,
And you fans are all plowed.
EABF17  Daddy feels rejected...
Homer:  The squirmy wormy spider squirts out of Daddy's hands.
        Daddy feels rejected, He's gonna eat some cake.
EABF17  Happy Little Elves Song
Happy Little Elves:  Toys and cakes and pets and fatherhood..
EABF20  Don't Vote for Me, Kids of Springfield {kt}
    Lisa:  I'm not that cool.
           I don't wear jeans.
           I've polished an apple or two.
	   But every grade that I grubbed,
           I grubbed it for you.
           So call me bookworm;
           But I'll never squirm when there's work to be done.
           Yes, I'll take my lunch at my desk,
           While you're all outside having fun.
	   Don't vote for me kids of Springfield;
           Unless you want an effective leader.
           I'll talk to teachers,
           I'll handle Skinner.
           A vote for Lisa makes you the winner.
EABF20  Nelson's Countersong
         Nelson:  I am iron man!
                  Do-do-do-do-do-do-do Vote for me!
Nelson (spoken):  Nah, screw it.
EABF20  They are my People {kt}
Teachers:  Eyes, pearls, Smile, hair points.
           Dress, voice, shoes, Swatch Watch.
    Lisa:  I may be the new girl,
           But you can't brainwash me.
           Just OshKosh B'Gosh me,
	   And then leave me be.
           To fight for kid-power,
           I must be heard, not seen.
           I have to lead wisely,
	   Not just primp and preen!

Teachers:  Nails, dimples, ears, scrunchie.
           Purse, lunchbox, teeth, Milhouse.
    Lisa:  This cute-ing-up suits me,
           There's beauty within me.
           So let's Olsen-twin me,
           Give them someone to love.
           This grownup makeover,
           Has made me a super-tween.
           For they are my people,
           And I am their queen!
EABF20  Skinner's Plan {kt}
Skinner:  I'm so happy with my evil plan,
          Say "goodbye" to music, gym and art.
          Soon we will have the perfect school,
	  Where fun and excitement never start.

  Willy:  I'm so drunk I can barely see.
          But it helps me get through another day.
          My stomach is fulled with haggis and hurt.
          I've got to go puke in some hay.
   Bart:  Lisa is a fool.
Skinner:  I think the rules are cool.
  Willy:  I've fallen in the pool!
EABF20  A Tango Takes Two {kt}
Lisa:  What have I done?
Bart:  What they wanted you to.
Lisa:  Skinner betrayed me!
Bart:  But a tango takes two.
EABF20  Don't Cry for Me, Kids of Springfield {kt}
Crowd:  Poor Lisa! Poor Lisa!
 Lisa:  Don't cry for me, kids of Springfield.
        You can still reach me through e-mail,
	At smart girl six three,
	underscore backslash,
	At Yahoo dot com.
	At Yahoo dot com!
EABF22  Bart's Moon Party
It's Bart's Moon Party from outer space,
With R2D2 playing the bass!
FABF01  Bowl of China
Homer:  [to the tune of "Ring of Fire"]
        Duh duh duh, da da da da da da da,
        Time to whizz in a foaming bowl of china!
FABF01  The Beach Boys Experience
[to the tune of "Kokomo"]
Mezuzah, Menorah, reading from the Torah.
Pastrami, knishes, on two sets of dishes.
A church with no steeple, for God's chosen people.
FABF02  Oh Pruney Night
[to the tune of "Oh Holy Night"]
Yeah, yeah.
Oh pruney night, the stars are sweetly wrinkled.
We are the fruit that your grandmother loves.
FABF02  Christmas Convoy
Singer:  [to the tune of "Convoy"]
         Star shone bright, that silent night,
         Ninety miles out of manger town.
         All them gold and myrrh and frankincense,
         Three kings put the hammer down!

Chorus:  'Cause we've got a Christmas Convoy,
         Ain't she a beautiful thing?
	 We've gotta roll this truckin' convoy,
	 To see the newborn king. Convoy!

Singer:  Ten-four, King of the Jews!
FABF02  Here Come Sandwiches
Ned:  [to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus"]
      Here come sandwiches,
      Here come sandwiches,
      Right down Boozey-Bum Lane,
      Brother Ned's got cheese on bread and a
      Side order of shame
FABF02  You're a Hero, Homer Jay
Homer:  You're a hero, Homer Jay.
        You're as crafty as a skunk.
        They'll thank you in the morning,
        For stealing Flanders junk.
        Homer Jay; You're a double bacon geniusburger,
        And just a little drunk!
FABF03  I Like Icecream
Roofi:  [to the tune of "Frère Jacques"]
        I like icecream,
        I like icecream,
        How 'bout you?


Roofi:  Topped with chocolate syrup,
        Topped with chocolate syrup.
        Whipped cream, too!
        Whipped cream, too!
FABF03  One, two, tie your shoe... (Roofi's version)
Roofi:  One, two, tie your shoe.
        Three, four, pick up the floor.
        Five, six, don't play tricks.
        Seven, eight, clean your plate.
        Nine, ten, start over again!
	(repeat ad nauseam)
FABF03  Helpful Bear on the Twenty-Eighth Floor
Roofi:  So we went upstairs and knocked on the door,
        There's a helpful bear on the twenty-eighth floor.
        Twenty-eighth floor, Twenty-eighth floor.
        There's a helpful bear on the twenty-eighth floor.
FABF03  Tickets, Tickets, Buy them Now
Roofi:  [to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"]
        Tickets, tickets, buy them now.
        Roofi here will show you how.
        Visa, Amex or MC,
        Or make out a check to me!
FABF03  The Nonsense Song
Roofi:  [to the tune of "London Bridge is Falling Down"]
        Sing the nonsense song with me,
        Yum, yum, wow.
        Flibbidy, flabbidy,
        One, two, three.


{ad} Anthony DiPaola
{an} Antonio Nicolás
{bb} Bob Beecher
{bg} Bruce Gomes, Sr. (capsule)
{bs} Brian Scearce
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson (capsule)
{cb} Chris Baird (capsule)
{cr} Chris Read
{dh} Dominik Halas
{em} Ewan MacDonald
{en} Eleyda Negrón
{gg} Gary Gibson
{gg2} Gerry Garrelts
{gr} Glen Patrick Ryan
{jb} J. D. Baldwin
{jc} James Cherry (capsule)
{je} Jordan Eisenberg
{jo} John Ogan (incl. capsules)
{jr} Jeremy Reaban
{ko} Kenneth Ossip
{kt} Kyle Thompson
{lg} Lenny Godel
{nh} Nicholas Hartley
{ol} Ondre Lombard (capsule)
{rc} Raymond Chen (capsule)
{rc2} Ron Carter (capsule)
{rg} Rebecca Gedalius
{rl} Ricardo Lafaurie Jr. (incl. capsules)
{sf} Samuel Fuhrman
{st} Stephen Thoroughgood
{tp} Tom Page
{tt} Tim Thomason

Search The Simpsons Archive:    Search Help

[ FAQs, Guides & Lists | Upcoming Episodes | Episode Guide | Capsules | Miscellaneous | Web Links | News | About | Home ]

Last updated on December 29, 2005 by James R. Curry (

"Life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."