Hepped Up on Goofballs Maintained by Bruce Gomes    Originally created by Dave Sweatt        Updated August 2013 Sex, drugs, and rock n' roll, ya dig? "High as a kite everybody, goofballs!"   Chief Wiggum misdiagnosing Flanders     "Homer Loves Flanders" [1F14]
	Mona Simpson's Mural for Son Homer

A fairly subjective list, but the ones we think people think of as drug episodes!

• El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer) [3F24] Consuming too many hot peppers gives Homer visions, which tell him to seek out his "soulmate".
• D'oh-In in the Wind [AABF02] Homer sets out to determine what his middle initial stands for, but in the process, delves into the old free-spirit ways of hippies, inspired by his mother's radical past and former associates.
• Brother's Little Helper [AABF22] When Bart is hastily diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, he becomes the latest victim of "Focusin," a new drug touted to boost academic attention spans.
• Weekend at Burnsie's [DABF11] After being attacked in the garden by an unruly group of crows, Homer goes to see Dr. Hibbert about the ongoing pain in his eyes. Dr. Hibbert suggests that Homer begin smoking marijuana for medicinal purposes. When Homer becomes hooked on the wacky tobaccy, he leads a petition to legalize the drug.
• Midnight Rx [FABF16] Mr. Burns is true to his word when he promised a "nasty surprise" for the company office party; he cancels the company's prescription drug plan. Homer has the solution: get some fake Canadian ID papers, go to Canada, buy cheap prescription drugs, and smuggle them back into the USA.
• A Midsummer's Nice Dream [NABF09] When Tommy Chong gets tired of the "old school" Cheech & Chong routines during their nationwide reunion tour, Cheech Marin finds a new partner - Homer - to form "Cheech & Chunk", but Homer assumes that life with Cheech will be like a "Cheech & Chong" drug themed comedy routine.

Hemp References

• [7F14] Marge's quilt has a hemp plant on it. {md}
• [9F21] Bart: I bought this cool pencil holder. Homer: Heh heh, far out man. I haven't seen a bong in years. {ba}
• [1F16] Burns: It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco. {ja}
• [2F02] Mayor Quimby is seen watering his marijuana plant {cd}
• [2F04] Skinner: "I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!"
• [2F22] [Jebediah] "People, our search is over. On this site we shall build a new town, where we can worship freely, govern justly, and grow vast fields of hemp for making rope and blankets."
• [3F21] Otto's jacket smells funny (but not ha ha funny) and his shoes talk to him "We won't hurt you, we only want to have some fun". {cw}
• [4F04] Otto visits the Pot Palace by mistake. {am}
• [4F12] Itchy & Scratchy come on at exactly 4:20 PM. {dw}
• [4F16] Wiggum and the other cops have a pot party at the blind man's (Mr. Mitchell's) house. {jm}
• [4F17] Burns calls the recycling dude "our hemp-smoking friend". {cm}
• [4F21] There's a hippie pot party exhibit at the Police Museum. {am}
• [4F22] Luke Perry, singing in "Kickin' It, A Musical Journey Through The Betty Ford Center" on Broadway: ...no more pills or alcohol, no more pot or Demoral, ...
• [5F23] Otto at Movementarian film: This whole place reeks(??) of the whacky tobacky.
• [AABF08] While on a class trip to the post office, Ralph finds a package addressed to Otto, which immediately attracts the drug dogs. {am}
• [AABF20] Homer complains he wanted to go to Jamaica to "pass the dutchie on the left hand side" {ma}
• [AABF22] Mad Dog, aka Flanders: Ho, ho! What a great pot party. {clt}
• [CABF01] Hemp City - huge bong seen outside, sign inside says Hemp, Hemp, Hooray!
• [CABF01] Springfield Shopper: Lisa Alive! Hemp City reduced to stems and seeds
• [CABF21] Fat Tony: You guys have blundered into our secret tobacky patch. Lenny: Wow! Is that wacky tobacky? Fat Tony: The wackiest. {clt}
• [DABF11] Pretty much this entire episode. Homer smokes marijuana for medicinal reasons. Some highlights:
• [DABF11] Hibbert: I'm talking about medicinal marijuana. Prescription pot. Texas THC.
• [DABF11] Homer: I had a bad experience with drugs.
• [DABF11] Lenny: Hey Homer, want to smoke some marijuana?
• [DABF11] Hibbert: We'll also provide you with a prescription bong. You want the wizard or the skull?
• [DABF11] Kent Brockman: This just in The marijuana re-criminalization took another step forward...
• [DABF11] Springfield Shopper: Medical Marijuana Outlawed (bong in red circle strikeout on cover)
• [EABF04] (After seeing Marge grab the bumper to stop the bus) Otto: "What am I smoking? Oh yeah... pot"
• [MOVIE1] Otto is smoking a bong.
• [KABF12] Marge: (After Homer's mom Mona wills her a hemp purse.) Hmmm. It smells like concerts!
• [MABF05] Vancouver Road sign: Come for the film tax credits, stay for the marijuana
• [MABF22] Polar Express Conductor Otto: Yup, she'll fly, alright, you just gotta keep her happy. (He shovels marijuana leaves into locomotive furnace.)
• [NABF09] Homer: I can't do reefer comedy! I'm drunk! Two different animals!
• [NABF09] Homer: I can't believe I'm riding around in Cheech's van! The van made of weed! Cheech: It's not made of weed. Homer: Oh. What's it made of? Hash? Shrooms? Like lyrsergic acid diethylamide? Cheech: No.. the van is just made of... van.
• [NABF09] Homer: Work on the show, I get it. Maybe we should start at 4:20? Huh? Marijuana reference! Cheech. Yeh. I got it.
• [NABF09] Homer imagines Cheech takes him to a head shop for an award. Proprietor Apu gives them joints.
• [NABF09] Skinner wears a costume of marijuana leaves on stage with Chong ("Teech & Chong")
• [NABF11] The Great Raymondo: The lady in question is my late wife Esther. She was the only other soul who knew the secret of my greatest trick. Now I'm alone with my memories and my medical marijuana.
• [PABF07] Lisa: (Since Springfield is devoid of peopld) I could see a planetarium show without the second hand marijuana!
• [RABF06] Mr. Burns sings "High To Be Loathed" with lines: Don't really care for chasing women, never was keen on booze; Don't take cocaine or Mary Jane, No, I get drunk on boos....
• [RABF09] Homer, Capri and Edward Flanders (Ned's parents) are all partaking at Ned's house... to his chagrin.

Other Illegal Drugs

• [9F18] Superintendent Chalmers awards Assistant Superintendent to Holloway: Skinner: No. But, sir he's a drunk. Chalmers: And a pill-popper.
• [1F14] Marge drinks spiked tap water "oooh, the walls are melting again." {at}
• [2F07] (on TV movie) Dude, If we have the bag with the stolen diamonds, then what happened to the bag with our stash?
• [2F17] Hutz introduces himself to Milhouse (Radioactive Boy) "Lionel Hutz, your new agent, body guard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer...er, keeper-awayer."
• [3F01] Mr. Goodman (child welfare office) "Marge, you tested positive for Crack and PCP." (FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER) OK, the retest says you're clean. Sorry about the mistake. {xp}
• [3F01] Marge: "The only thing I'm high on is love... love for my son and daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need." {xp}
• [3G01] Scully: "Well... gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight."
• [3G02] The Krusty the Klown Story: Booze, Drugs, Guns, Lies, Blackmail and Laughter.
• [3G02] We see the Betty Ford Center, then the Clown Detox Wing; Clown: I went through a five year orgy of non-stop pills, and booze, with nothing to show for it but four Emmy's and a Peabody award. (moans)
• [4F06] Belle: "It's so tough to be a parent these days, what with all the gangs and the drugs." Homer: "Oh yeah, drugs, you gotta have drugs."
• [4F15] After Rex Banner foils Fat Tony's bootlegging, Tony states "Ok, you win from now on we'll stick to smuggling heroin." {am}
• [4F15] Wiggum: "All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine." {bi}
• [4F22] At the Betty Ford Clinic musical Demerol addiction is raised
• [4F22] Methadone treatment clinic on same floor as MAD Magazine
• [5F02] Fox Censor edits out reference to a crack-pipe {cl}
• [5F09] Homer: Okay, before I show ya, who wants to guess how I got the money? Bart: Dealing drugs? Lisa: Drugs? Marge: I'd have to say drugs, too.
• [AABF02] Homer harvests Seth & Munchie's peyote (mescaline) garden to make a batch of Garden Blast. {jb}
• [AABF02] Ned drinks Garden Blast and sees Grateful Dead, Pink Floyd, and Rolling Stones images.
• [AABF02] Barney drinks Garden Blast and sees a goblin, then drinks a beer and sees a pink elephant.
• [AABF02] Willie drinks Garden Blast and sees a lovely woman (well, Fergie).
• [AABF02] Grampa and Jasper drink Garden Blast and imitate Beavis and Butthead.
• [AABF02] Lou drinks Garden Blast in the police station.
• [AABF07] [Isotopes announcer] "Let's welcome two new additions to the team, Smash Diggins and Fishbone Walker. Lucky for us, they were sent down from the majors for drug violations!"
• [AABF15] [Euro art critics] "If we hurry we can still catch the heroin craze."
• [CABF01] Homer: She's going to narc on our stash! Marge: We don't have a stash!
• [CABF07] Lou: We're going to bust up that crack house tonight. Wiggum: We did that last night. Lou: Yeah, but this time we've got the right address.
• [CABF21] Blackboard: I Am Not Charlie Brown on Acid
• [CABF22] Judge Constance Harm: It's a miracle Bart isn't robbing banks and chasing Sweet Lady H.
• [EABF04] Marge takes steroids to build muscles
  • Ragin' 'Roids
  • Ultimate Burn
  • Pro Abs
  • Extreme T-Cream
  • Meso-Max
  • Bulkenoid
  • Estrogen Wackers
  • Glycolobe
• [EABF04] Crack house with signs "Restroom for Crack Smokers Only"
• [EABF05] (In Bart's loft building) Quiet in there! Some of us are trying to sell drugs!
• [EABF05] Marge: Here's five dollars. Go buy yourself a suit. Addict: I'll buy a suit. Of drugs!
• [EABF08] Clancy: Sarah, your as lovely as the day I first arrested you... You know I planted that crystal meth just to meet you.
• [EABF10] Burns: I feel I should give back to society, do some charitable work. But first I want to take a lot of opium!
• [EABF10] Smithers: ..Do you know where I can buy some drugs? Casbah merchant: Drugs? Everywhere drugs! Banana made of drugs, Monkey made of drugs,..
• [EABF10] Burns: He's (Smithers) doing 80 years on an opium bust.
• [EABF11] Otto: (Observing meteor shower) Whoa, I don't need drugs to enjoy this! Just to enhance it.
• [EABF12] When Marge says that they've been up late working on the puzzle, it cuts to the clock and the time is "4:20" {nb}
• [GABF08] Results of testing Otto (which Burn's thinks is Homer) (of course results of a drug test wouldn't use slang terms, but since they did they could have been soooo much more creative);
  • crack (cocaine)
  • smack (heroine)
  • uppers (amphetamines)
  • downers (depressants, barbituates)
  • outers
  • inners
  • horse tranquilizers (PCP) (phencyclidine)
  • cow parilyzers
  • blue bombers (Hmmm. Black bombers are amphetamines, brown bombers are LSD)
  • green goofers (goofers are barbituates)
  • yellow submarines (has been marijuana, but usually Nembutal (pentobarbital))
  • LSD (Lysergic acid diethylamide)
  • mach-3 (three times the speed of sound, or a brand of shaver...)
• [GABF08] Burns: I haven't seen this many drugs in a Wang since I ran a Chinese Opium Den!
• [HABF11] Captain Bly aka Skinner: What have you been smoking? Sailor Groundskeeper Willie: Opium.
• [HABF17] Krusty: I'm gonna' need a shoebox full of blow to get through this dreck.
• [JABF03] Emily: Mr. Simpson, we would do anything to help a stranger who planned a vacation here 30 years ago. Man: And make a little Meth money on the side!
• [JABF09] One of the Cletus children is named Crystal Meth.
• [JABF12] Lou: Should I get this blow back to the cage, chief? (used to train police dogs)
• [JABF12] Snake selling steroids to Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney.
• [JABF12] Snake: Don't worry dude. I'm going straight. Straight to my customers to sell more drugs!
• [JABF15] Channel 6 Boss: Say, what's that powder in your coffee. Is it cocaine? Kent: No, its Splenda.
• [JABF17] Alan Moore: So you like that I made your favorite superhero a heroin addicted Jazz critic who's not radioactive?
• [JABF20] Pilot: I didn't think I'd be flying today so I was doing Heroin.
• [KABF04] Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin, that was Insulin (that Homer needed).
• [KABF09] Royce Lumpkin, Lurleen's father: I better heroin up this orange juice.
• [KABF11] Film Candyland at Sundance Film Festival shows people shooting up drugs
• [KABF11] Female at Sundance: (Concerning Lisa's film about OFF) They're like the family from hell on acid that's on steroids.
• [KABF13] Drew Carey: What I love about Krusty is that he's always on. But to find out what, you gotta test his pee. Seriously, test his pee. He's a danger to the community.
• [KABF13] Sideshow Mel: Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your email.
• [KABF17] Lisa: Dad, is this from a meth lab? (Homer brings home a meth lab from his bounty hunter exploits)
• [KABF18] Texan, to Burns: If they're sluggish (Austin Celtics basketball team he just lost in a bet), slip some steroids into their cocaine.
• [MABF02] Burns: (we only hear the tail end) ...and *that's* how you win an opium war.
• [MABF06] Old ad for Buzz Cola: With the Curative Power of Cocaine!
• [MABF13] Otto: Whoa, nobody told me I had to drive the bus back! I mistimed some substances. (All the vehicles on the road with Otto appear alive and angry)
• [NABF09] Homer: I can't believe I'm riding around in Cheech's van! The van made of weed! Cheech: It's not made of weed. Homer: Oh. What's it made of? Hash? Shrooms? Like lyrsergic acid diethylamide? Cheech: No.. the van is just made of... van.
• [NABF21] Crazy old man: We need more of those lovable creatures for our friends at the home. Grampa: Unless you got any heroin. Crazy old man: You got any heroin?
• [PABF05] Moe: Hey, chief, can you help me find my bar rag?
  Chief Wiggum: I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside.
• [PABF10] Burns: This monday the plant will be conducting physical examinations of all employees, and anyone testing positive for narcotics will be terminated immediately.
  Lenny: Bad news Lang Su. (We see a classic American "How the Other Half Lives" depiction of a Chinese Opium user.)
• [PABF10] Sign at SNPP: Employee Drug Testing Today - Tomorrow: Tequila Tuesday
• [RABF06] Mr. Burns sings "High To Be Loathed" with lines: Don't really care for chasing women, never was keen on booze; Don't take cocaine or Mary Jane, No, I get drunk on boos....
• [RABF06] Tex: That cocaine I ordered is taking forever!

Alcohol References

• [-F--] pretty much every Barney appearance. Until he sobered up.
• [7G04] Marge and other employees' wives gather around a bowl of spiked punch "...I think there's a little al-key-hol in this punch." {my}
• [7F01] A drunk Burns sings "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime"
• [7F10] Homer: Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk? Burns: Yes.
• [7F11] Hostess at Happy Sumo: This is our karaoke bar. Now it is empty, but soon it will be hopping with drunken Japanese businessmen.
• [7F11] Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern, birthplace of the Rob Roy!
  [this drink was actually created at the Waldorf Hotel in NY]
• [7F18] Marge paints Homer the "Bald Adonis", beer can in hand. {xp}
• [7F20] Homer drinks Flanders Planders Punch "could you........ give me a....... handful of peanuts, Maude? Not those peanuts, the ones at the bottom......awhhhhh".
• [8F08] On his way to making a Flaming Moe [Homer] we see Homer mixing Tequila, Schnapps, Two "In-Flight bottles" (red and yellow) and Creme de Menthe
• [8F09] German owners to SNPP plant employees: Horst: Do we have any alcoholics among us? [hands slowly go up] Man 1: Uh, me? Man 2: Right here. Man 3: I'm drunk right now!
• [8F09] Fritz says American beer is "swill to us... I am saying that only a swine would drink this beer." {xp}
• [8F16] Homer sends a post card to Marge from the Duff Brewery in Capitol City "Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you've got a butt that won't quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here . . . .^%&$`#^&*)$=(#beer&@~&. . . . .five dollars, get outta here."
• [8F18] Line from infamous New Orleans song; "New Orleans! Home of pirates, drunks, and whores!..."
• [8F24] In Tijuana Bart and Lisa find Krusty passed out after he's drunk a bottle of Tequila
• [9F06] Homer explains to Bart how a woman is like a beer. As he goes on, he becomes more and more incoherent "...so I says, yea, you want that money come and find it, cause I don't know where it is ya baloonee. You make me wanna......".
• [9F06] Moe: Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone. Barney: What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? Gasp! Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray! [drinks it]
• [9F07] In flashback to High School daze, we see Homer offer Barney a six-pack while he's studying for his SAT's.
• [9F10] Homer reading comics: "Oh, Andy Capp. You wife-beating drunk."
• [9F11] Selma, Lisa & Bart visit Duff Gardens
• [9F13] Side Show Mel on wowey sauce "everyone's always kissing your @$$, well I'm not afraid to tell you you're a ---------".
• [9F14] Episode theme - Homer is arrested for DUI, and promised Marge to layoff Duff for a month
• [9F14] Sign outside Duff Brewery: Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk switches to It's Always Time for Duff! (Two guys toasting each other sitting on a car hood)
• [9F14] Homer sings a beer song (When I was seventeen... I drank some very good beer..)
• [9F14] Homer attends AlcAnon meeting
• [9F14] Ned Flanders drinks his first, and last, Blackberry Schnapps: "Anne Landers is a boring old bitty."
• [9F14] Otto: My name is Otto. I love to get blotto.
• [9F14] Homer reminisces over beer: When I was seventeen, I drank some very good beer,..
• [9F17] (Television public service announcement) Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
• [9F18] Superintendent Chalmers awards Assistant Superintendent to Holloway: Skinner: No. But, sir he's a drunk. Chalmers: And a pill-popper.
• [9F20] Grampa asks Marge for bourbon {mw}
• [9F20] Marge is arrested for attempting to leave the Kwik-E-Mart without paying for Colonel Kwik-E-Mart's Kentucky Bourbon
• [1F02] Homer gets Sir Oinksalot drunk. {xp}
• [1F08] Barney, at Casino, says "Hey! Free Beer!" and then proceeds to drink three cups of quarters.
• [1F09] Homer is passed out drunk when the Zirconia is Ztolen.
• [1F15] Homer, to Bart: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
• [1F20] Homer: ...Remember when I took that home winemaking course and I forgot how to drive? Marge: That's because you were drunk! Homer: And how.
• [2F08] Homer "talk[s] the talk" to drink at the Little Black Box {xp}
• [2F08] Woody says he can't give Norm a beer because he can't carry Norm home anymore {xp}
• [2F09] [At Stonecutters] Number One: ...You have joined the Sacred Order of the Stonecutters who, since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!
• [2F09] Homer says that the Stonecutters' activities include "beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, steinhoists, A.A. meetings" and "beer night."
• [2F16] Smithers: Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to...a friend. But he fired me! And now I spend my days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central!
• [2F20] Smithers has a long night with Vagrant's Choice Fortified Scotch, shoots Jasper, and has a dream like Pamela Ewing did on Dallas [1986]: "Sir, you weren't shot, it was all a dream."
• [2F31] Barney is drunk in his film 'Pukahontis'.
• [3F09] President Gerald Ford invites Homer over for beer and nachos. {xp}
• [3F12] Sideshow Mel and Krusty's funeral: In the midst of our sorrow, we can take solace in the fact that your elevated blood alcohol level probably helped you burn up quicker. {xp}
• [3F22] Homer buys liquor at the L'il Valu-Mart in Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport - Harpe (I.W. Harper?)
• [3F24] Marge to Homer: Every time you go to that cook-off you get drunk as a poet on payday.
• [3G02] Dancing frog: I'd like to present on the W-B, another bad show that no one will see! I need a drink.
• [3G03] A drunken Barney sings on "A Boozehound Named Barney".
• [4F05] Burns to Smithers: "Why don't you get drunk and stumble around comically for my amusement?"
• [4F06] Oil spill with Captain McAllister drunk at the helm
• [4F13] Homer and Marge have Jell-O shooters at the pedestrians' mall. {xp}
• [4F15] Bart blowing on his horn, gets a gut full of green beer "What are you lookin' at?"
• [4F17] Homer drinks himself drunk to provide cans for Lisa's recycling
• [5F18] Homer [in windmill with Marge]: Well, this time I'm drunk on love... and beer.
• [AABF06] Ned drinks white wine spritzers, gets drunk, gets married, throws up, and passes out in a hotel Jacuzzi. {ah}
• [AABF06] Homer is passed out in a hotel Jacuzzi after a night of drinking and getting married. {ah}
• [AABF13] Trucker 4: You know boys, I've been thinking. Maybe it's time we ditched the high tech gizmos and went back to driving like our daddies did. Trucker 5: Drunk?
• [CABF03] Marge gets drunk on Long Island ice teas
• [CABF04] Lenny: Wow, I never seen you have so many lunch beers before, Homer
• [CABF13] (Shopping with Homer) Bart: I'm out of wine
• [CABF17] Hobo: ...apple whiskey, apple wine, apple schnapps, apple martinis, Snapple with vodka in it, ...
• [CABF20] Sign says "No Drinking Before 5:00" (every hour says 5)
• [DABF07] Drunken Cowboy Whiskey
• [DABF07] Buck gets drunk before his appearance on the Krusty the Clown show
• [FABF17] Homer downs a bottle of gin and a bottle of scotch after everyone leaves Moe's bar.
• [GABF06] Selma: Marge, when are we gonna tell Homer he has to pretend to be my husband?  Marge: Wait till the Drambuie and sleeping pills kick in.
• [HABF11] Homer: What kind of a booze cruise is this anyway? Where's the hootch?
• [JABF09] Restaurant owner to Homer: You drink too many Scorpion balls. You go sleepy sleepy now.
• [KABF02] Moe serves Homer "The forget me shot".
  • A splash of Jagarmeister
  • Sloe Gin
  • Triple sec
  • Quadruple sec
  • Gunk from a dogs eye
  • Absolut pickle
  • The red stripe from Aquafresh
  • venom from the Louisianna Lobotomoth
  • Stir it with a home pregnancy test, 'til until turns positive.
• [KABF03] Sign: Welcome to New Hampshire - Providing Cheap Liquor To Massachusetts Teens For 200 Years
• [KABF09] Royce Lumpkin, Lurleen's father: I better whisky up these corn flakes.
• [LABF15] Bart adds liquor to Mrs. Krabappel's coffee resulting in her dismissal
• [LABF15] Liquor gathered by classmates to "Irish up" Mrs. Krabappel's coffee;
  • Milhouse: Triple Sec, Scotch
  • Milhouse also left behind bottles of Scotch, Gin, Scotch, Vodka, Quadruple's
  • Martin: liquid from chocolate liqueurs
  • Hibbert's son: Unidentified liquor
  • Nelson: Steals cocktail from strip club bar
  • Bart: Absolut Krusty
  • Seen adding to mix: Sloe Gin
  • Later noted;
  • Nelson: I bet it was that hamster medicine we added that put her over the edge.
• [LABF17] Opening Billboard: Duff Beer - Don't Face Christmas Sober
• [LABF20] Wallowing in self-pity, Krusty pours "Cheap Gin" on bread to make a Cheap Gin sandwich.
• [MABF05] Marge [to Homer]: This is what you're like when you don't drink!
• [MABF15] BillBoard during opening: "Krusty's One-Year Sobriety Special" with red CANCELED notice across it
• [NABF03] Marge arrives home drunk from the night out with the girls.
• [NABF14] Barney: Wow! The guys at the AA meeting will never believe this! (breaking into the Duff Brewery)
• [PABF07] Homer has a sill in the Outlands making illegal liquor: Carl: This is pretty tasty. Lenny: Yup. And I like how it's dissolving a hole in the cup.
• [PABF10] Items Homer consumes or attempts to consume to avoid alcohol;
  • Mimosas
  • Irish Coffee
  • Long Island Ice Tea
  • Mike's Hard Lemonade
  • Rum cake
  • Crepes Suzette
  • Cherries Jubelee
• [PABF10] Sign at SNPP: Employee Drug Testing Today - Tomorrow: Tequila Tuesday
• [RABF03] The proctor responsible for attempting to shut down Springfield Elementary buys five bottles of vodka at the Kwik-E-Mart.
• [RABF06] Mr. Burns sings "High To Be Loathed" with lines: Don't really care for chasing women, never was keen on booze; Don't take cocaine or Mary Jane, No, I get drunk on boos....

Anesthetics References

• [9F04] Mr. Burns inhales his own gas bomb on Ape Island "I was strolling through the gas one day...."
• [9F15] Lisa gets braces and needs anesthetic gas "Lisa in the sky, but no diamonds. Help us, help us."
• [9F15] The dentist leaves the gas on and the whole family becomes hepped up.
• [2F32] Dr. Nick Riviera accidentally gases himself "I smell gas, pleasant gas, nite nite gas".
• [3F10] Mr. Burns on ether, is having his nails done and thinks Homer is Poppin' Fresh and Hans is a leprechaun "Oh, my brains!".
• [AABF01] Dr. Nick injects himself instead of Homer.
• [CABF16] Homer: Maybe a little Morphine will refresh my memory. (to remember how he hurt his leg)
• [CABF16] Homer: Maybe a little Morphine will get me there quicker. (to be operated on)
• [FABF05] Bart: Cool! I can defillabrate Lisa! Lisa: Not if I pump your heart full of Morphine first! (Homer then shoots himself with Morphine)
• [FABF23] [THOH] Dr. Hibbert injects himself after falling out a window to block the pain before he hits the ground
• [HABF15] Mobster: With Fat Tony doing the Morphine mambo, the Calabrasi's are going to try to put him down for a dirt nap.
• [MABF11] Sideshow Bob injects anesthetic into Walt Warren to perform plastic surgery.

Prescription Drugs

• [7F18] Burn's tell Smithers he might have needed half a Valium {cl}
• [8F24] Lisa, giving out previously withheld packages at Kamp Krusty: Lisa: Crandall! Crandall: My Insulin!
• [9F02] (chalkboard opening) I will not prescribe medication
• [9F06] Marge: That medicine's not for you! Homer: Come on Marge, maybe I'm not getting enough (reads bottle) Estrogen!
• [9F07] Troy McClure: But first, a man whose inspiring battle with Percodan addiction is soon to be a movie of the week - Krusty the Clown! {as}
• [2F06] Homer: Aw, Marge, this is so depressing, my only hope is this homemade Prozac. (tastes it) Needs more ice cream.
• [2F32] Krusty (on television show): It wasn't my fault! It was the Percodan! It you ask me, that stuff rots your brain! And now a word from our new sponsor.. Percodan??!! Aww... crap! {as}
• [2F32] Doris: All I can give you are these chewable Prozac for kids. Your choice: Manic Depressive Mouse, or the Bluebird of Unhappiness. {mw}
• [3G01] Mr. Burns' anti-aging treatments include painkillers "I bring you love."
• [3G02] Grampa admits to selling his medication to deadheads. {am, bi}
• [3G03] Chalkboard opening: I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
• [4F05] Larry: Lazy? ...Why, I'm like a rug on Valium, I'm talkin' lazy.
• [4F22] Luke Perry, singing in "Kickin' It, A Musical Journey Through The Betty Ford Center" on Broadway: ...no more pills or alcohol, no more pot or Demoral, ...
• [5F07] Grampa says "The pharmaceutical man came by and pumped us full of Christmas cheer". {am}
• [9F20] Bart asks Marge for Flintstone Chewable Morphine. {mw}
• [AABF17] Mr. Burns is a morphine addict.
• [AABF22] Entire episode about Bart on Ritalin... eeh.. I mean Focusyn
• [AABF22] Homer takes Focusyn to show Bart it's harmless and wigs out Homer: Geez, what's the big deal? Look, I'll even eat some. {cdl}{mca}
• [AABF22] Pharmacist: Don't worry, we have a procedure for these situations (..injecting Homer and Marge with Valium)
• [BABF03] Everyone has slipped Manjula fertility drugs
• [BABF04] Homer and Bart play with Interferon at the hospital
• [BABF17] Krusty: What's wrong with your eyes? You need a Claritin or something?
• [CABF02] Flu shots spiked with mind controlling drugs
• [CABF05] Homer to Dr. Hibbert: "Just give me some drugs and surgery"
• [CABF08] Blackboard opening: I will not hide the teachers medication
• [CABF11] Repressitol - Milhouse: Not as long as I keep taking these (holding up bottle)
• [CABF19] Computer recommends "take a stress pill"
• [DABF13] Homer suppresses anger by taking Churchill Downers Horse Tranquilizers
• [EABF09] Marge: Election night is so exciting. I'm on pins and needles! Krusty: And I'm on Pepto and Xanax! (alprozolam tablets)
• [EABF18] Dr. Hibbert: What an amusing T-Shirt, Marge. I'll trade you for a tote bag that says Prozac!
• [FABF12] Lisa: Grampa, how do you sleep at night? (after the WWII atrocities) Grampa: (shrugs) They drug us.
• [FABF17] Lisa: I don't know whether it's the lack of sleep, the sodium pentathol, or that it's the only cartoon I've seen in two months, but this is what I believe in now.
• [GABF06] Selma: Marge, when are we gonna tell Homer he has to pretend to be my husband?  Marge: Wait till the Drambuie and sleeping pills kick in.
• [HABF04] Drugs sold at The Simpsons garage sale (theoretically prescription, but some are made up): Detsinum, Sandradoze, Percolax, Estrogen
• [JABF09] Bart: (packed in a school lunch by Homer) I've got Grampa's medication!
• [JABF09] Article in Pyschiatric Quarterly: Effectiveness of Clozapine versus Olanzapine and Risperidone in Patients with Chronic Schizophrenia
• [JABF13] Television advertisement for Nappien
• [JABF13] Homer: Thank you methasorbazonetartrate, also known as Nappien. May cause dry mouth, mood swings and nighttime kookiness.
• [JABF13] Bart: (To Homer about Nappien) Why don't you just stop taking the pills you hophead?
• [JABF13] Lisa: I heard that people do strange things in their sleep when they've taken Ambien..I mean Nappien.
• [JABF18] Dr. Hibbert: Your singing could help alleviate patient sufferring... and save us a fortune in Demoral.
• [KABF04] Professor Stefan August: Could a tribe of bushman have invented penicillin? Maybe they already had.
• [KABF04] Television show Music News Special Report: Rumours swirl about an out of control narcotics addiction...
• [KABF04] Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin, that was Insulin (that Homer needed).
• [MOVIE1] Milhouse taking inhaler, accidentaly swallows inhaler when he sees the dome.
• [MOVIE1] Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has it's own name and theme music....The town is running low on supplies of everything.from gasoline to Botox.
• [KABF08] Homer uses Beef Jerky laced with sleeping pills in attempt to catch racoons.
• [KABF13] Last Gasp With Krusty the Clown! is sponsored by Nappien, Nappien Nok-em-Out Sleeping Pills and Nappien Nok-em-Out Jr. Sleeping Pills (for kids)
• [MABF01] Homer: (Next morning after he and Marge attempted Kama Sutra positions) More Vicodin and eggs please.
• [MABF01] Bart replaces Marge's birth control pills with TacTic's.
• [MABF21] [While travelling to Holland]
  Krusty: Now listen, I need you two to hold these for me. Your drugs (pointing to Homer) put me to sleep, your drugs (pointing to Bart) wake me up.
• [NABF02] Marge (to a depressed Bart): More Oxycontin Candy sweetie?
  (Krusty's Choice Oxycontin Candy)
• [NABF08] MusBeNys (from Notenhoffer Phramaceuticals): Drug which makes people happy... and makes their eyes pop out.
• [NABF21] In Candy dispensers at Springfield Retirement Castle: Lipitor, Propecia, Viagra
• [PABF10] Homer: A sober weekend hasn't been that hard. Let me just take a few antidepressants (consumes an entire bottle)
• [RABF09] Skinner tells Hoover's class that Miss Hoover is being treated for severe depression with Lorazepam and other drugs from the Benzodiapzepine family

Over The Counter Drugs

• [8F01] Steward: Yes, sir, can I get you something? Homer: Playing cards, note pad, aspirin, sewing kit, pilot's wing pin, propeller-shaped swizzle stick, sleeping mask, and anything else I've got coming to me.
• [3F08] Homer: They didn't have any aspirin so I got you some cigarettes (hands Marge a pack of Laramies)
• [4F22] Criminal: Hey, that's just my aspirin.
• [9F20] Marge: and a bottle of aspirin please. Apu: The aspirin is 24.95.

Household Products & Chemicals

• [1F15] While cleaning the basement, Homer is affected by the combined fumes of the cleaners and believes he is being attacked by the product logos.
• [2F14] Barney smokes a cigar without unwrapping it "To Homer, and to Sergeant Pepper, who's growing out of the middle of your back."
• [2F16] [fumes from Burn's oil derrick] Barney: These fumes aren't as fun as beer. Sure, I'm all dizzy and nauseous, but where's the inflated sense of self-esteem?
• [4F18] Dolph suggests to Jimbo and Kearny they go to the 1-hour photo to inhale fumes. {am}
• [NABF09] Cheech: I have to go black out his name (Chong) on some T-shirts with a magic marker. Homer: Can we get high from the fumes?

Miscellaneous

• [7F12] In flashback at Marge/Homer's High School Prom we see a student with a bong {ms}
• [8F08] Flaming Moe's secret ingredient - Krusty's Non Narkotic Cough syrup - causes DXM tripping (DeXtroMethorphan-the active ingredient in non-narcotic cough syrups, an antitussive at low dose and dissociative anaesthetic/hallucinogen at high doses) {as}
• [9F11] Lisa drinks the "water" in Duff Garden's Little Land of Duff "aahhh, I can see the music."
• [9F13] Ralph gets dizzy from the tar fumes while reshingling the Simpsons roof
• [9F16] Itchy & Scratchy cartoon ends with "Kids, say no to drugs!"
• [9F16] Krusty uses nicotine patches; (We see Krusty with 37 visible patches) Krusty: Hey Mel, bring me another nicotine patch. Uh, I think there's some space on my butt.
• [9F21] Bart shows Homer his cool pencil holder - a bong {ms}
• [1F06] Bart, Milhouse, and Barney go on a squishy binge.
• [1F07] After Homer hallucinates: "I probably shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in the parking lot." {cv}
• [1F13] Barney is hepped up, "I don't understand it," says the NASA assistant, "that was non-alcoholic champagne."
• [1F14] Chief Wiggum thinks Ned is hepped up on goofballs "...high as a kite everybody....goofballs."
• [1F16] As Burns pulls out a bong on the Greenpeace ship "And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco!" {cd}
• [2F20] Chief Wiggum drinks some warm cream and sees a strange "Twin Peaks" dream world "Burns' suit! Burns' suit!".
• [3F20] Barney drinks animal tranquilizer from a dart.
• [3F24] Homer eats quesosakatenango chili peppers from Guatemala and animals talk to him.
• [4F16] Bart (to Lisa): ..you've been all edgy and suspicious ever since I gave you those Pep Pills. {sd}
• [AABF11] The bullies, while hepped up, are buying shiny things at the Kwik-E-Mart [Jimbo is amazed by aluminum foil]. {am}
• [AABF12] Homer and Lisa hallucinate in the sensory deprivation tanks
• [AABF13] Homer hallucinates while eating a giant steak and sees cows mocking him.
• [AABF13] (After Homer downs a bottle of pep pills) Clerk: Hey, you can't take that many pep pills at once. {sd}
• [BABF09] Chock Full O'Drugs, name of horse in race
• [BABF11] Homer licks toads to get high
• [BABF18] [Becky, Otto's bride to be] ] "Becky: Otto's got a clean police record and he doesn't do any needle drugs."
• [CABF02] Homer inhales plutonium fumes and faints while hiding in airshaft in Burns' office
• [CABF02] Everyone is drugged on "The Island" [Homer] "Oh, they drugged the tea. They knew my one weakness."
• [CABF06] Trapped in the car in the snow, Homer hallucinates from the exhaust fumes {co}
• [CABF08] Homer goes on an antacid trip after eating an old box of baking soda {pg}
• [CABF18] Two bongs can be seen on a shelf in Snake's hideout {hp}
• [CABF20] Homer: He's [Bart] probably digging for drugs. Marge: There's no drugs out there! Homer: No... of course not.
• [EABF04] Marge's bumper stickers:
  • Moms Against Meth
  • D.A.R.E.
  • I'm Anti-Crank and I Vote
  • Just say no
  • Talk to your kids about HUFFING
• [EABF05] Bart: ..and for every syringe I find, I get a dollar!
• [EABF06] Barney: If it weren't for Alcoholics Anonymous, I'd still be sucking the juice out of glowsticks.
• [EABF21] Bart receives Nicotine gum while Trick or Treating on Hallowe'en.
• [GABF02] Deion Overstreet: I played the gentle giant, "Stay-off-drugs-ia." (in Disney Channel movie)
• [GABF02] Grandfather (on a commercial): ...Grandma and I are going to have old people sex. Thank you Jammitin!
• [GABF11] Krusty: I'm telling you, Bart, one vice leads to another. And then you wind up like me: so jaded, the only thing that gets you off is free-basing ground-up moon rocks.
• [HABF15] Otto: Am I on drugs? Imaginary character: Yes you are.
• [KABF08] Lisa uses Little Kitty nicotin patches to quit smoking after becoming addicted
• [KABF10] Lisa offers protein replacement pills "Dr. Hippie's Fungus Yums" to Bart
• [KABF18] Lisa: Mom.. you said all hitchhikers were drug crazed thrill seekers!
  Marge: I said they were thrill crazed drug seekers.
• [LABF18] Opening Billboard: Dr. Otto's "Wellness Clinic" Otto is winking, holding a bong.
• [MABF09] Principal Skinner thinks Bart is dealing drugs: Marge, I know you've tried everything to keep Bart under control. Ritalin, Lithium, Zoloff, well they didn't work. He has moved on to drugs.
• [PABF07] Homer: Well I rented that plane (which is pulling a banner that says) "Move to the Outlands - A Great Place to Take Drugs and Shoot Things"
• [PABF10] After drug testing at SNPP: Lenny licks a psychoactive toad, employee sprays and inhales bag, employee extracts rattlesnake venom
• [PABF22] Santa's Little Helper eats mushrooms growing on Simpsons carpet and apparently they were psycho...something.
• [RABF14] Moe: My doctor says it's better for me not to sleep (holds up bottle of Wake-erall).

Related Files

• Nicotine
• Simpsons Drinking Game
• Alcoholic Beverage Recipes (within Food List)
• Moe's Bar
• Homer and his Beer