Reverend Lovejoy File

Table of Contents:

1. Wisdom and Morality
2. Timothy's Bible Quotes
3. The Life and times of Rev. T. Lovejoy
4. Wedding & Funeral Quotes

1. Wisdom and Morality

• [7G12] "I urge every halfway decent member of our community to gather up all merchandise that bears the likeness of Krusty, that clown prince of corruption, and join me in a public burning..."
  
  
• [7G12] "Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight, but please, just a few words of caution. Now we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children's toys, the fire will spread quickly. So please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes..."
  
  
• [7F13] "Today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He's got his Hi Fi, his boob tube, and his instant pizza pie..."
  
  
• [8F05] "Well, uh, before you make any rash decisions, let me just remind you that the church is changing to meet the needs of today's young Christians."
  
  
• [8F12] "I'm glad someone could resist the lures of the big game."
  
  
• [9F01] [Homer says 'God is punishing me'] "No, but he was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid, be they Christian, Jew, or Miscellaneous." [Apu corrects him] "ah, that's super"
  
  
• [9F09] [to the police as they break down his door] "What in God's name are you doing?" "no, that's next door"
  
  
• [9F14] "Homer, with our help, you'll never touch another beer again." [Homer tells the Alconon group he ate beer soaked dirt from under the bleachers] "I cast thee out!!"
  
  
• [9F19] "Everyone is saying Gabbo this and Gabbo that, but no one is saying worship this and Jericho that."
  
  
• [9F21] "Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot that looks like St. Barnibus."
  
  
• [1F05] "Now instead of my boring old sermon, I'm going to take a page from the book of Bart, and do something I've always wanted to do.....take five Mrs. Phesh." [tries to play 'The Entertainer' on the piano] ".....wait...wait...I can do this..."
  
  
• [1F05] "God is angry, we've made a false idol out of this Brad Goodman..."
  
  
• [1F08] "Once something has been approved by the Government, It's no longer immoral."
  
  
• [1F14] "Ned Flanders! I never would've imagined" [thinks Ned was hepped up on goofballs] [later] "I think we all owe Ned a heart felt apology. We were wrong to doubt him."
  
  
• [2F04] "I've never heard such gratuitus use of the word but...."
  
  
• [1F20] "Get a divorce Marge."
  
  
• [2F11] [running from the comet] "It's all over people, we don't have a prayer!" [later, in the fallout shelter] "Ok, we'll need laughter, religious enlightenment, gossip, that's Mrs. Lovejoy..."
  
  
• [2F15] "uh, this is very sad news, and it wouldnt've never happened if the wedding would've been inside the church with God, instead of out here in the cheap showiness of nature."
  
  
• [2F18] "oh just lovely Marge, the whole town will hear what a great...." [dogs playing in the turkey] "...dear lord! Its a demon bird." [he leaves disgusted] "see you in hell, from heaven."
  
  
• [2F21] [in the jail cell with Hans Moleman] "alright Hans, time to go." [Hans complains that his last meal was eaten] "well, if that's the worst thing that happens to you today, consider yourself lucky" [Hans asks him if executions can be done from a local jail] "from this point on, no talking"
  
  
• [3F01] "Ned, have you thought about one of the other major religions, there all pretty much the same." [talking to himself] "Damn Flanders." [questions God] "Why do you hate my trains?"
  
  
• [3F02] "Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and or roll."
  
  
• [3F04] [Homer is lost in the wall] "Do you see a light Homer?" "Move into the light my son." "Be strong Marge, he's gone to a better place."
  
  
• [3F06] [thinks Homer is dead] "Marge, we can't tell you how sorry we are"
  
  
• [3F18] [walking his dog on Flander's lawn] "c'mon boy, this is the spot right here, good boy. Do your dirty sinful business. Don't stop the music."
  
  
• [3F24] "Now Helen, let us not glory in Homer's binge drinking, there but for the grace of God is Marge herself."
  
  
• [3G01] "I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens, he came in peace and then died, only to come back to life, and his name was E.T., the extra terestrial. I loved that little guy."
  
  
• [4F06] "All things are about Jesus Homer, except this. Your son has been working in a burlesque house." [later] "Thanks alot Marge, that was our only burlesque house."
  
  
• [4F07] Ned asks "is God punishing me. " "...ooooh short answer yes with an if, long answer no with a but..."
  
  
• [4F18] [to Marge] "I don't see you volunteering for anything" [later] "Thanks to you, I've rediscovered a form of shame that's gone unused for seven hundred years" [later, giving advise to Prin. Skinner] "Maybe you should read your bible" [which part, he asks] "oh, its all good" [still later] "The lord will hear your lamentations, and give solace to your spirit." [in church service] "Could we please not yell out things in the church" [speaking to the saints appearing before him] "I had the vestibule recarpeted."
  
  
• [5F02] [speaks to Nedwin] "yes Nedwin, but we have many more strumpets to incinerate." "Brothers and sisters, there is still a witch among us."
  
  
• [5F04] [preparing to marry Apu and Manjula] "Well, Christ is Christ. Plus I consulted a Hindu website."
  
  
• [5F23] [a sermon about the Movementarians] "This so called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate." [it returns nearly empty] "Oh Lord, uh, try the emergency plate Ned" [pouring gasoline on the church floor] "oh, I never thought I'd have to do this again" [Marge seeks help] "I feel for you my child, I'd like to help you..." [hitting Homer with a bat] "Oh the devil has given him super human strength" [Willie takes a turn with the bat] "Well that didn't do it Mr. Kilt." [reverend has doubts?] "Oh mercy, he's the real deal!" [takes off his collar and throws it on the ground, stomping on it] [then later] "Oh yes, how did that get down there....come to papa baby"
  
  
• [5F16] [Ned is asking for advice] "Just play the damn game Ned"
  
  
• [AABF03] "....and may we burn in painful and foul smelling fire forever and ever, aaa Men--nonite minister will be giving a guest service next Sunday. Go in peace, amen."
  
  
• [AABF04] [about the last rites] "...that's Catholic Marge. You might as well ask me to do a voodoo dance."
  
  
• [AABF06] [a sermon about tithing] "And once again tithing is 10% off the top. That's gross income, not net. Please people, don't force us to audit. Now I'm going to pass this around a second time. Brother Ned, you'll do the honors."
  
  
• [AABF10] [driving in a funeral procession, to Marge] "Slow down, you maniac! Show some respect for coffin full of bricks representing a young man lost at sea."
  
  
• [AABF14] "And as we pass the collection plate, please give as if the person next to you was watching."
  
  
• [AABF22] "Not the church! Jesus lives there!"
  
  
• [BABF01] "Judgement Day is upon us. I warned you the Lord wouldn't stand for your minidresses and Beatle boots. But it's not too late to repent your sins and be embraced by the Almighty..."
  
  
• [BABF06] [after Bart objects to his sermon] "Never give them an opening." [later] "Perhabs it's time to fight razzle with dazzle." [tries to play an electric guitar]
  
  
• [BABF10] "My friends, life is about change: Just yesterday Apu was a lonely bachelor...and the Van Houtens were enjoying a storybook marriage."
  
  
• [BABF11] [after Homer claims sanctuary] "Oh, why did I teach him that word."
  

2. Timothy's Bible Quotes

• [7F08] "a gentle answer turneth away wrath"
  
  
• [9F01] [Matthew 7:26] "A foolish man who who built his house on sand.''
  
  
• [9F01] [Matthew 21:17] "And he left them and went out of the city into Bethany and he lodged there"
  
  
• [9F01] "Keep holy the Sabbath day"
  
  
• [9F18] "... and the Lord said, Whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town will be a beacon unto others. So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses whacking day."
  
  
• [1F20] "...oh just about everything is a sin, have you ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."
  
  
• [1F21] "and so when Eliphaz came down from Mount Hebron bearing figs, he offered them to Mohem, who you will remember is the father of Sheckhom. And to Hazar on the occasion of their matrimony, much in the same...."
  
  
• [2F04] "...and with flaming swords the Aramites did pierce the eyes of their fellow men, and did feast on what flowed forth...."
  
  
• [2F04] "Judge not, lest ye be judged" [located somewhere toward the back]
  
  
• [5F23] "Go on Homer, our commandments clearly state that beer is alright, try some"
  
  
• [AABF06] Deuteronomy 7: Games of chance are strictly forbidden
  
  
• [AABF14] "In the beginning....God created the Heaven and the Earth..."
  
  
• [BABF06] "In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul instructed them to send ten copies to the Thessalonians and the Ephesians. But the Ephesians broke the chain, and were punished by the ..."
  
  

3. The Life and times of Rev. T. Lovejoy

• [7G07] seen in the mob after Homer, Bart, and Jebediah's statue head
• [7G07] his sermon is "Gambling, the 8th deadly sin"
• [7F13] councils Lisa on stealing
• [8F05] has a non-Christian rolodex
• [8F05] gives out "Gabbin' about God" t-shirts
• [8F05] on the Gabbin' about God radio show every Sunday night
• [9F01] God says that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases him
• [9F01] his sermon is "The lamentations of Jeremiah [long version]"
• [9F01] reads from the church bulletin to pass the time
• [9F01] eats dinner with the Simpsons
• [9F14] runs the Alconon meeting
• [9F20] plays cards with his wife, Ms. Hoover, and Dr. Hibbert
• [1F14] goes to Lake Springfield
• [1F14] his sermon is "What Ned did"
• [2F03] lights the bonfire to burn Patty and Selma [witches]
• [2F04] has Bart over for dinner with Jessica
• [2F11] hides in Flanders fallout shelter
• [2F18] eats dinner with the Simpsons again
• [2F21] visits with Hans Moleman in prison
• [3F01] playing with his trains
• [3F02] the church sings 'In the Garden of Eden' by I. Ron Butterfly
• [3F02] sends Bart and Milhouse to clean the pipe organ as punishment
• [3F02] uses his coin machine
• [3F09] jogs with president Bush
• [3F10] on the Holy Rollers Bowling Team
• [4F06] member of the Citizen Committee on Moral Hygiene
• [4F13] his sermon is "Love"
• [4F14] visits with Side Show Bob in prison
• [4F18] his sermon is "The 9 tennants of Constancy"
• [4F18] uses one of his sound effects [bird] to wake up the congregation [ambulance] [bird] [disco whistle]
• [4F18] the saints that appear to him are disappointed with his answer
• [4F18] his sermon is "the Conquest of the county of the apes"
• [5F05] declares a day of reconing in Springfield because of the angel
• [5F22] he has been checking out a bible from the Old Springfield Library every weekend for the last 9 years. He says he can't afford one on his salary.
• [AABF03] attends the fake Comptroller ceremony and doesn't object
• [AABF05] eats at the Springfield Dinner Theater
• [AABF07] sings in the "Kids" song
• [AABF08] goes on the Superbowl bus [on a Sunday no less, he couldn't resist "the lures of the big game" I guess --dave]
• [AABF08] helps to attack Homer when it is discovered that he doesn't have the Superbowl tickets
• [AABF08] towel snaps Homer in the locker room
• [AABF16] helps clean the city before the olympic representatives arrive
• [AABF18] attends the `How low will you go' contest
• [AABF18] drives the `Book Burning Mobile'
• [BABF05] tries to make his sermon, but is interrupted by Homer and his motorcycle
• [BABF07] attends a meeting to save Springfield Elementary
• [BABF11] makes Homer a missionary in Micronesia.
• [BABF17] promotes his cookbook, "Someones been in the kitchen with Jesus"
• [DABF15] has his sermon cut short by Homer's threats.
• [DABF16] visits Homer and Marge in prison. Gets in a fight with a catholic priest.
• [DABF19] is turned into a half-animal by Dr. Hibbert.
• [EABF01] kicks the Homer dummy.
• [EABF02] has his sermon ruined by Bart's prank.
• [EABF04] gives a sermon at the Springfield Church.
• [EABF06] is forced to leave his church and give his sermons at the Bowl-A-Rama.
• [EABF07] in the crowd cheering for Lisa.

4. Wedding & Funeral Quotes

• [2F32] Bleeding Gums Murphy funeral "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bid farwell to blood and gums Murphy....." "Anyway, bloody gums Murphy was quite the susaphone player..."
• [4F04] Homer and Marge get remarried "Dearly beloved, I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you Marge take Homer in richness and poorness, poorness is underlined, in impotence and im-potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet powered monkey navigated...and it goes on like this..."
• [3F19] Asa Phelps funeral "Asa Phelps spent his entire life in Springfield except for four years of service in WWII and one high school day trip. He worked at the United Strut and Bracing Works as a moulders boy until he was replaced by moldermatic and died."
• [4F19] Frank Grimes funeral "Frank Grimes, or Grimy as he liked to be called, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle through life was tragicly cut short, I'm sure he's looking down from heaven right now....."
• [5F21] Homer dreams of his funeral "No Homer wasn't a great man, or even an adequate man. And he certainly never accomplished anything. President Lenny, do you have anything to say? Fair enough, toss em' into the hole boys."
• [BABF10] Maude Flanders funeral "In many ways Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn't grab our attention with memorable catch-frases or comical accents. But whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there. And we though she always would be..."

{rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie Jr.
{kb}  Kevin A. Bowman
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{ag}  Andrew A. Gill
{hl}  Haynes Lee

Contributions are always welcomed and will be credited.