The Complete Simpsons Bibliography

Part X - Magazine and Newspaper Articles - 2003

Doing What Comes Matturally (Scott Ellis)

The Sun-Herald Television Magazine (Australia), Jan 5-11 2003, Cover, p8

Full cover on this Australian television insert has Homer Simpson with the caption "Here we d'oh again! The Simpsons, Channel 10".

Interesting article with Matt Groening saying "It's been harder and harder to be true to the characters and still surprise the audience. We could quote more, but you'll find the entire article here!

Religion & TV Grab your remote and settle in for an up-close look at prime-time spirituality (Allison Payne)

vVn4 Guideposts for Teens, Apr/May 2003, cover, p12-17

Full cover features Bart Simpsons and his skateboard with caption "TV get Religion: He makes prank phone calls. He disses adults. And he never misses Sunday School."

Great article includes mini-quiz rating your knowledge of the Simpsons' spiritual side.

Famout Last Words: Homer Simpson You Won't Like Him When He's Angry. (not supplied)

n203 Q, Jun 2003, cover, p154

Cover has miniature Homer on bottom left saying "If my boy has taken your CD, please contact the local Kwik-E-Mart" (This issue came with a CD) and caption (at right) "Homer Simpson: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"

Interview with Homer Simpson:

Q: How the devil are you?

Homer: Fine, thank you.

Q: It's Q's round. What are you having?

Homer: Nothing beats new Duff Blue - the beer that made Ireland famous.

Q: They say everyone has a book in them. What's yours?

Homer: The Cat in the Hat, which I accidentally ate as a child.

Q: If "a big doughnut" is the answer, what is the question?

Homer: What do you think Heaven is like?

Q: What's the best piece of advice you've every received?

Homer: On a matchbook cover where it says "close cover before striking". Believe me, I learned the hard way.

Q: You were born on 12 May, so was Emilio Estevez. What do you think of that, then?

Homer: Both my Dad and Martin Sheen had sex on 12 August the year before.

Q: Who's the better father: you or your dad?

Homer: I'm a better dad, cos when I strangle my son the marks don't show.

Q: Do you think Bart respects you?

Homer: He doesn't want to follow my footsteps. He doesn't even like using the lavatory after me.

Q: If you had to cheat on Marge with one of her sisters, which one would you choose?

Homer: I would choose suicide.

Q: Have you ever been asked to appear in Playgirl?

Homer: No, but I was asked to appear in Play-doh, the magazine for soft, spongy men.

Q: Who would play you in the film of your life?

Homer: Marlon Brando - but he'd have to put on a little weight.

Q: Is nuclear power safe?

Homer: It's safer than driving a car - which I have on occasions, crashed into a nuclear plant.

Q: How much do you earn?

Homer: I make $60,000 a year. I can't really say I really earn any of it.

Q: What has Ned Flanders ever done to you?

Homer: Flanders makes me so mad, because he... and then he... he makes me so mad!

Q: Where do you buy your clothes? Or do you have a stylist?

Homer: I buy my clothes at a specialty store, Mr. Blob.

Q: Do you think 2Pac is still alive>

Homer: I don't know about 2Pac, but my six-pack is gone.

Q: Have you ever been stalked?

Homer: No, but the ice cream truck often follows me around.

Q: You've been into space - what's it like?

Homer: Space is like my refrigerator after I get through it - cold and empty.

Q: George Bush said America should be more like The Waltons and less like The Simpsons. Did that hurt your feelings?

Homer: When George Bush Sr was president, things were tough. The economy was in the dumps, we were waring with Iraq, but now that his son's president... things are pretty much the same.

Q: What would it say on your gravestone?

Homer: "D'oh!"

Men Know from Homer, Women from Marge (Polly Shulman)

Psychology Today, Aug 2003, full cover, p?

Full cover featuring Homer and Marge, embraced in a kiss.

Entire issue is about the differences between the sexes, and this cover story can be found on the Psychology Today web site.

The Awards
Man at His Best: Advice Through the Decades (Illustrations by Arnold Roth)

Esquire, Oct 2003, Cover, p70, 80, 94

Homer Simpson mentioned last on a long list of names on the cover, starting with "With Special Appearances By: Tiger Woods, Hillary Clinton, Metallica, Hef, Frank Sinatra, ... (and then after twelve names)..and the Honorable Homer Simpson".

p51, 54, 60, 62, 64, 68, and finally, on page 70, the Simpsons reference!; In the '90's Esquire recommended Simpson condoms and they now review that decision;

Maggie Simpson Condoms: Think of the merriment when, at some tender moment, you produce a lively impersonation of a dinosaur, or a teddy bear, or even Maggie Simpson.

How it Holds Up: The hand-painted condoms are still available at condomerie.com (Though the Simpsons models have been renamed simply "The Family"). [N.B. - all we see now is "Simpsons look-a-like" - BG]. But you just try keeping excited with a cartoon infant on your privates. Better to go with the Marge Simpson and it's vobalt-blue tip.

p80 An Esqure Award for "Most Insightful Aphorism" to Homer Simpson, "What I've Learned," 2002;

Homer: The Intelligent man wins his battles with pointed words. I'm sorry - I meant sticks. Pointed sticks.

p94 For the 70th anniversary issue they asked readers to choose the greatest television show; Seinfeld came in first, with 19% of the vote, with our favorite family right behind with 14% of the vote.

Doh! Take Two Cartoons, Add Monsters And Mayhem (Charles Herold)

The New York Times, Oct 23 2003, pG5

Review of The Simpsons Hit and Run for the Playstation 2, Xbox, GameCube and PC, and Futurama for Playstation 2 and XBox. Check out all The Simpsons Games here!

Tervetuloa Simpsoneiden Maailmaan!

Suosikki (Finland), Nov 2003, cover, p26-29

Finnish publication with full cover of Bart on his skateboard exclaiming "Tsekka läskigusse julisteessa!" with caption "Kaikki-Simsoneista!"

Great four page spread on our favorite family... now if only I read finnish.