Brawl in the Family Written by Joel H. Cohen Directed by Matthew Nastuk ============================================================================== Production code: DABF01 Original Airdate on FOX: 6-Jan-2002 Capsule revision A (30-Jul-2004) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== [tvguide.com] A social worker is assigned to try to bring the family together after police respond to a fight between Bart and Homer during a game of Monopoly. Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille, Ron Taylor. {sx} ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: None due to shortened intro Couch: A large bush sits where the family should be on the couch. A landscape worker comes by and quickly shapes the bush into a topiary version of the Simpsons. ============================================================================== > Did You Notice... ============================================================================== ... Maggie sings along (or at least lip-syncs) with the rest of the family on the drive home? Don Del Grande: ... the music used in the first scene is from the Halloween Specials? ... "Gallip-opoly" had "Rich Uncle Pennybags" dressed in a WWI uniform? (Gallipoli was a WWI campaign, mainly involving Australian troops invading what is now Turkey) ... the Springfield Shopper is back to 25 cents? ... apparently somebody on the writing staff went to California? (Who else would rag on Stanford that much?) ... when everybody sings "We Are Family", Maggie sings as well? Alex Foley: ... this was the first time they cut the opening since 5F22, the first time in almost 3 1/2 years? ... Dr. Hibbert was not at the Republican Party meeting, unlike in 2F02? ... Kent Brockman only refers to the administration and not Bush by name (perhaps fear by the OFF writers of backlash after the events of 9/11)? Joe Green: ... the Star Wars Monopoly box shows Chewbacca running? ... the Edna-Krabopoly box show Edna wearing fishnet stockings? Tony Hill: ... Marge calling them floozies to their faces? ... Amber and Abe having a church wedding? Chad Lehman: ... the antenna ball during the couch gag makes HedgeBart look as if he's wearing a monocle? ... Col. Tex's name plate says "Rich Texan"? ... the (ahem) "foilage" depicted on the Rastamon-opoly box? ... the tree Homer knocks down looks exactly like the Stanford Cardinal symbol? (coincidence, in an episode with a Stanford slam?) ... a man looking like Jimmy the Scumbag speaks? ... his voice sounds like the Estonian midget's? ... his last name is Johansen? (So; if that _was_ "Jimmy the Scumbag", his name would be "Jimmy Johansen"?) ... Bart wears his "commercial" blue shirt? ... snowcapped Mt. Rainier (Mt. Hood?), conspicuous in several shots? (Don't shoot me, in case this starts up another endless "Where is Springfield" debate) ... "Cigarette Aficionado" magazine, with the blindfolded man and firing squad on the cover? ... Rev. Lovejoy actually agrees to marry Amber and Grampa? Benjamin Robinson: ... all of the identical red dresses in Lisa's closet? ... either Lisa has no negative behavior patterns, or Gabriel forgot to mention them at the summit in the woods? ... Maggie loses her pacifier when she gasps at Amber's wedding video? ... Jane Kaczmarek is back as Judge Harm? ============================================================================== > Voice Credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Krusty, Homer, Dracula, Tex, Willie, Abe) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Nelson, Bart, Todd) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Nader, Hippie, Prof. Frink, Host, Moe, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Carl) - Harry Shearer (Burns, Strom Thurmond, Bob Dole, Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Ned, Lenny) - Special Guest Voice - Jane Kaczmarek (Harm) - Delroy Lindo (Gabriel) - Also Starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Ginger, Rod) - Tress MacNeille (Woman, Amber) - Karl Wiedergott (Extra Guy) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + "All in the Family" (TV series) - title a spoof of this series, where a family fights all the time - The "Evil Dead" trilogy (movie series) {jg2} - Bob Dole reading from the Necronomicon (see Comments section for more) + "Singing in the Rain" (movie) {jk} - Willy as Gene Kelly + "Blind Date" (TV series) - First Date has similar premise and logo - "Spaceballs" (movie) {jg2} - Chief Wiggum turning off Brenda the Negotibot is similar to Princess Vespa turning off Dot Matrix + "The Preacher's Wife" (movie) {jk} - "The Legend of Bagger Vance" (movie) {jk} - both films featured African Americans as angel-like helpers, much like the social worker in this episode + Texas hold 'em poker (card game) {jc} - bigamy called Mormon hold 'em in Nevada + "Cigar Aficionado" magazine {jc} - Amber reading "Cigarette Aficionado" + Britney Spears (singer) {jc} - Marge calls Amber "Britney Beers" + "It's a Wonderful Life" (movie) {dj} - an angel earning his wings ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - [7G02] Family spat breaks out while family is playing a board game {ep} - [7G04] The Simpsons seen in group counseling - [7G08] Family going camping {ep} - [7G10] Marge kicks Homer out of the house {mp} - [7F01] Blinky the three-eyed fish is eaten {dj} - [7F13] the Simpsons don't have cable {ddg} - [8F01], [AABF09] Rows of tree stumps where a forest once stood {cl} - [8F22] "Bart, don't feed your sister hotels" {bjr} - [1F14] Lisa asks "Could this be the end of our series ... of events?" (cf. "Could this be the end of our wacky adventures?") {jg2} - [1F16] Wings is mentioned {dj} - [1F20] Homer thrown out {sx} - [1F20] Homer living in the treehouse {sx} - [2F02] Republicans' sinister headquarters shown - [2F06], [5F19] Someone tries to get a bear to stop doing something, and is attacked by that bear {cl} - [2F10] Acid rain going through clothes {sx} - [2F15] six-eyed fish {ddg} - [2F16] Someone dances around a lamp post {cl} - [2F19], [AABF03] Lisa snubs a well-respected school {bjr} - [3F01] Social workers try to help the Simpson family - [3F03] A Paul McCartney song is played {jg2} - [3G01] Homer gets drunk while someone observes him {cl} - [4F03] Homer mistakes someone for an angel {jg2} - [5F05] Wiggum uses real-life innovative police tactics {jc} - [5F22] Last non-Halloween episode with no chalkboard scene {dj} - [AABF03] Lisa is worried her actions will preclude her from going to the college of her choice (Harvard), instead having to settle for another (Brown). {mbb} - [AABF06] Amber and Ginger return - [BABF08], [BABF15], [CABF16] The term "swear" is used as a noun {cl} - [CABF22] Judge Constance Harm seen ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - GOP HQ sign {bjr} SPRINGFIELD REPUBLICAN PARTY HEADQUARTERS [This sign is in red neon, and blinks] - Republican nameplates {bjr} C. M. BURNS DRACULA RALPH NADER RICH TEXAN KRUSTY - People at the Republican meeting {th} - Burns, Ralph Nader, Smithers, Dracula, the rich Texan, Rainier Wolfcastle, Krusty, Robert Dole - Environmental treasure signs {bjr} SPOTTED SPRINGFIELD OWL WETLANDS HABITAT - Air polluters {bjr} STEEL MILL DAY-CARE SMOKE FACTORY CENTER <- multi-color letters - Monopoly variations {bjr} STAR WARS MONOPOLY RASTA-MON-OPOLY GALIP-OLOPOLY ENDA KRABAPPOLY - Lisa's box of stress balls {bjr} STRESS BALLS ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== = When Homer paid Bart, the $1 bills were mostly black. {ddg} * Unless the Simpsons had special house rules, you can't have more than one hotel (or four houses) on one property. [See "Comments" section for more - - Ed.] - The Marvin Gardens group is shown as orange? (in the actual game, it's yellow) * The police call was answered on an ordinary desk phone, with no ANI (automatic number identification), so how did Wiggum know where to go? {th} + The entire opening depicts the destruction of forests, acid rain, and thick air pollution, minutes later the Simpsons' are camping out in a lush forest with pristine skies. {ac} * Why didn't they move the car *before* Homer went down the cliff? {th} = Homer's "first" ring is never visible except when he has to put on his second one. {ddg} = In one of the scenes in Moe's, it looked as if the diamond pattern on the window wasn't straight. {ts} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Don Del Grande: Well, it was a B-plus, even with the animation being slightly off (especially when Marge is serving food to Gabriel), but then it was "okay, this episode is over -- wait a minute, we've got about 10 minutes left; how about we use the time to tie up the loose ends in 'Viva Ned Flanders'?" (B) Alex Foley: This episode was all over the place. First it's a slam on the GOP, then it's OFF getting a social worker after fighting over Monopoly, then it's the return of the floozies from "Viva Ned Flanders". With all the wandering this episode did, they should of stuck with the GOP slams or spread out the plot with OFF & the social worker. With an episode that's all over the place like this, you need to have good jokes to carry the episode, alas most of the jokes fell flat. My biggest beef was with Homer, who was just as stupid as he was in the Mike Scully era. Didn't they promise that he wouldn't be as stupid? So far the Al Jean era is off to weak start. (C-) Joe Green: Bleah. Although I've been generally impressed by Season 13 so far, this one was practically a textbook example of how NOT to write a "Simpsons" episode. It started out with what could be the most heavy-handed political "satire" I've ever seen (Remember that THOH episode where one of the tombstones was labeled "Subtle Political Satire"? How prophetic that now seems ...) and then "progressed" to ludicrous plot devices, over-the-top gags about OFF being a super-dysfunctional family (which, in my opinion, make a mockery out of the rich development these characters have experienced over the years) and a big chunk of the plot that was openly lifted from a previous episode ("Viva Ned Flanders", obviously). Let's just say I've seen better. (F) Tony Hill: This episode was plenty funny, but a lot of the humor doesn't jibe with continuity. OFF has worked as a team many, many times. And Bart has driven cars many times, and Marge knew about it. The transition from the first plot to the second was very awkward. The swipe at Mormons was just a cheap shot. I give it a (B-) Darrel Jones: Another delightfully off-beat one from Al Jean & co. Everything about the environmental degradation in Act One reeked of ridiculously cartoonish super-villainy, but after that, the wackiness was more tight and fun. I liked the almost detached manner in which the waitresses were seamlessly attached, and it was worth it for the huddle of cougars and vultures [wolves, actually -- Ed.] alone. I give it 8/10 (B+) Yours Truly: This show goes all over the map in terms of plot, and the result is an uneven but promising episode. The environmental satire at the start is too heavy-handed for its own good, but a strong second act and a cast-against-type performance from Delroy Lindo lift the second act. The final part of the show loses some comedic steam, but at least the ending is well wrapped up. Good potential here, even if the show doesn't quite capitalize on it. (B) AVERAGE GRADE: B- (2.59) Std Dev.: 1.1230 (8 reviews computed) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> Musical Reference Joe Green: "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge -- OFF sings this while driving home from the woods. "Band on the Run" by Paul McCartney and -- Gabriel listens to this (and sings along) while riding with OFF Wings. [It's a hit from 1973, according to {th} -- Ed.] Benjamin Robinson adds: Interestingly, his CD starts playing near the end of the song. >> Meta-Reference corner Benjamin Robinson: Marge says the family has had "about 280" adventures together, referring to the approximate number of "Simpsons" episodes in circulation. Soon after, Lisa says, "Could this be the end of our series?" The meta- reference aspect of this should be self-evident. Tony Hill: [Bart says,] "We had a good run." >> Forty more years! Forty more years! Tony Hill: Strom Thurmond, who is approaching 100 years old [at the time this was written -- Ed.], has served as a U.S. Senator from South Carolina since December 24, 1954, except for a seven-month period in 1956 during which he resigned and was then elected to fill the vacancy caused by his own resignation. >> Ralph Nader, closet Republican Michael Morbius: It took me a moment to figure out why they'd have Nader be helping the Republicans. Finally I realized it was making fun of how everyone kept saying during the election that if Bush won it was Nader's fault for taking left-wing voters away from Gore. So as it turns out, it was a very clever joke. Matt Weiner adds: For what it's worth, Nader has never registered as a member of the Green Party, even while running as their Presidential nominee. >> President Bush's second-favorite book Joe Green: The Necronomicon is fictitious book of black magic first imagined by the early 20th century horror writer H.P. Lovecraft, and was also used in the 1983 cult classic horror film "The Evil Dead" and its sequels, "Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn" and "Army of Darkness". Specifically, the incantation that Bob Dole recites (including something that sounds like "Nosferatu") reminded me of those heard in the Evil Dead trilogy. >> Simpsonopoly Joe Klemm: In recent years, the classic game of Monopoly has received many different variations. Originally, the variations involved other United States cites. However, these variations has grown to include Star Wars, the NFL, and even the Simpson TV show itself. While we're on the subject of Monopoly, Don Del Grande writes: For a show that's been cutting corners with things like looping backgrounds lately, they certainly got the Monopoly board accurate. (For example, when Homer landed on Marvin Gardens, the spaces around it had the correct names and colors.) Dunc Routled has this to say about the mini-development of hotels on Bart's property: From the official rules of Monopoly: "When a player has four houses on each property of a complete color-group, he/she may buy a hotel from the Bank and erect it on any property of the color-group. He/she returns the four houses from that property to the Bank and pays the price for the hotel as shown on the Title Deed card. Only one hotel may be erected on any one property." There are so many variations from the official rules that having more than one hotel on a property is probably one of them. I think that the writers knew about the official Monopoly rule and played up on it to show how blatantly Bart was cheating. >> Funny Freezing Foam It actually exists, according to Jeff Cross: The police have been experimenting with new and creative ways to fight crime. One of the new inventions is a chemical goop that you spray on a perpetrator and it somehow subdues them by gluing them to the ground. It hasn't caught on too well, partially due to needing a solvent to dissolve the goop to transport the subdued perp. >> Stigmata -- You've Seen the Movie, Now Play the Home Game! Tom Restivo: Stigmata refers to the mysterious, spontaneous, and unexplained bleeding of the palms, feet, side, and brow of certain holy and religious people. This is to coincide with the wounds suffered by Christ on the Cross (nails in the hands and feet, sword in the side, crown o' thorns on the head). The first and most notable is St. Francis of Assisi in the 13th Century. Let's just say that Bart would not be a likely candidate to have stigmata. >> Vegas Car Watch Joe Green: The car the Vegas wives drive is most likely a Cadillac Eldorado from the mid-1970s. >> I demand a recount! Benjamin Robinson writes: Desperate to stay in the house, Homer warns Marge that throwing him out will cause a miscount in the census. Marge throws him out anyway. Perhaps she's noticed that after every census, there's claims that someone or other's district was under-counted. (By law, the United States government must count up how many people are in each state. Among other things, the results are used to decide how many Representatives each state gets in Congress.) What's interesting is that the Census Bureau releases figures saying how far off the census is. It makes you wonder why they even need to bother counting if they already know the results. >> Only in Nevada. Or possibly Massachusetts Tony Hill writes: It is indeed not the law in Nevada that multiple marriages are legal, and if Homer's marriage to Amber had been legal (which it wasn't), it wouldn't have been enough to get it off the books simply by Amber marrying Abe. But if the marriage had been legal, the judge was correct in extending "full faith and credit" to it, as required by Article IV, Section 1 of the U.S. Constitution. >> For the floozy who has everything Ken Roberts explains: RU-486 (Mifeprex in the US) is not a "morning after" pill, rather a combination of pills [1] that can be used to chemically induce abortion up to 7 weeks. It is *not* used before a pregnancy is detected. One would think that a dedicated floozy like Amber would simply use a birth control pill on a daily basis rather than a "morning after" pill, since it'd be much cheaper that way. [1] Mifepristone, which blocks progesterone causing the lining of the uterus breaks down, ending the pregnancy, and (in the US) Misoprostol, which, taken two days later, is causes the uterus to contract and empty. >> Everyone's a writer Eric Perlin gets creative: The episode of January 6, 2001 seemed to recall a record number of previous episodes, including at least three of the earliest episodes from the first season. IMHO, it was probably deliberate. Here is my idea for another "new" episode Miss Hoover goes on vacation and Lisa is inspired by a substitute teacher, prompting Homer to write another hate letter to Mister Burns, which he must try to retrieve before Bart again tries to jump Springfield Gorge on his skateboard, this time simply to taunt Lisa, who is assigned to baby-sit him again. It's up to Marge to try to stop Bart from jumping, but a ride in a helicopter sparks her second nervous breakdown, prompted by her fear of flying. Marge spends some time in a sanitarium with a man who thinks he's Michael Jackson. Jackson advises Marge to seek treatment in a casino, which she does, but that ignites her gambling problem once again. Maggie responds to all of this by shooting Mister Burns again. Then, another angel fossil appears to warn everyone about another comet heading toward Springfield. The comet disintegrates in the air and changes into a hurricane, which again destroys Flanders' house. The wounded Mister Burns discovers who shot him, and responds by firing Homer again, who in turn spends his spare time becoming Springfield's safety advocate. In order to be taken seriously as a safety advocate, Homer buys a hair tonic to finally grow some hair. In order to pay for the hair tonic, Homer again takes a job as a department store Santa Claus. Is that convoluted enough? :) >> Miscellaneous, Etc. The Joe Green alterna-title for this episode is: Viva Ned Flanders 2: Electric Boogaloo Tony Hill: "Singin' in the Rain" was written by Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown for the film "Hollywood Revue of 1929." How many times has Marge said "This is the worst thing you've ever done"? I think she said it only a few weeks ago when Homer's rocket set the church on fire. Benjamin Robinson: Anti-goof: The animators remembered to keep Bart's driving gloves on when they cut from him putting them on to him driving the car. ============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary {bjr} ============================================================================== % The show begins with a meeting of Springfield's Republican Party, % held within their formidable castle lair. Mr. Burns formally % announces that a robotic Senator Strom Thurmond will live (and, % presumably, vote the GOP party line) for a century. "Twenty more % terms," chants robo-Thurmond. Burns: Moving on to new business, what act of unmitigated evil shall the Republican Party undertake this week? Nader: [raises his hand] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Burns: You've already done enough, Nader. Krusty: Let's get rid of PBS! Those lousy Muppets have been taking food out of my mouth for too long. Humph! Dracula: I say we crack down on the hippies. Blah! Tex: What about this dang environment? Back in Texas, we got rid of it, and made everyone a lot happier. [the other Republicans murmur their assent] Burns: Excellent! We shall destroy the environment by scrapping every anti-pollution law. Now, Bob Dole will read from the Necronomicon. [Burns yields the podium to Bob Dole, who is dressed in a monk-like robe and carries a thick book with a pentagram on it] Dole: [reading] Ezak iziri golanus, maledictu nosferatu in principi ... -- "Brawl in the Family" % And so it begins. Recycling becomes a felony offense. Smokey the % bear is repositioned as a clear-cutting lumberjack with a chainsaw. % (He even roughs up a hippie, perhaps as a nod to Dracula.) A grizzly bear with a chainsaw -- now, there's a killing machine! -- Homer Simpson, "Brawl in the Family" % Elsewhere in the forest, a worker takes down a sign marking a % spotted owl habitat. Nelson immediately administers a noogie to a % hapless owl, taunting him by saying, "Stop endangering yourself! % Stop endangering yourself!" Mayor Quimby pulls the plug, literally, % on the Springfield wetlands, sending them swirling down a huge % drain. % % In the river, one of Springfield's three-eyed fish is eaten by a % four-eyed fish. He, in turn, is eaten by a larger, six-eyed, fish. % Homer, who still has two eyes for now, swims by and swallows him. % % Industry immediately takes advantage of the lax pollution laws. The % smokestack of steel mill sends a column on thick black smoke into % the sky. The smoke factory next door does the same thing. So does % a nearby day care center. The pollution produces acid rain so % powerful that it pits the statue of Jebediah Springfield and burns % holes into peoples' clothes on contact. % % Willie, at first, seems to enjoy the weather. Willie: [singing] I'm singin' in the rain! Just singin' in the rain! What a glorious feeling -- argh! [collapses on the ground, as his overalls dissolve] It burns like a Glasgow bikini wax! -- Which explains why Scots are so hairy, "Brawl in the Family" % Marge looks out the window and figures the family should stay % inside, "at least until the squirrels stop melting." That's okay % with Homer, who settles on the couch for some TV. "First Date," a % show that follows people on blind dates, is on. Host: Now let's see how our blind dates liked each other. [cut to Moe] Moe: Oh, I really thought there was a connection, and I would definitely go out with her again. [cut to his date] Woman: He smelled like puke! -- "Brawl in the Family" % The acid rain melts the antenna, cutting off the TV signal. Homer % rushes outside to fix the antenna, but is burned by the acid rain. % He screams and runs back inside. When he sees that there's still no % TV picture Homer screams again, and runs back outside into the rain. % The cycle repeats until Marge interrupts him. Marge: Stop screaming, Homer. Homer: Quit trying to control me. Marge: We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly? Lisa: [walking to the closet where the board games are kept] Which version? [flips through different versions] We've got "Star Wars" Monopoly, Rasta-Mon-Opoly, Galip-Olopoly Edna Krabappoly ... Marge: Let's stick to original Monopoly. The game's crazy enough as it is. [holds up one of the playing pieces] How can an iron be a landlord? -- Connections in high places, apparently, "Brawl in the Family" % The game *is* pretty crazy, at least the way the Simpsons play it. % When Lisa tries to build a house on her property, she finds that % they're all gone. Maggie has stuffed them, chipmunk-like, in her % cheeks. % % Homer's turn is next. He rolls the dice and advances his token (the % little Scotty dog, by the way) to Marvin Gardens. Bad news for % Homer -- Bart has built a mini-compound of hotels and houses on that % lot. Homer struggles to pay the rent. Bart: [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad. Homer: I'm good for the rest -- you know I am! Bart: Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail three times. Homer: They told me it would be like this on the outside. Lisa: [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating! Marge: Lisa, it was probably an accident. Lisa: Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place. Bart: Who else is going to take care of her? Dad? Homer: Why, you little ... [throttles Bart] Marge: Stop fighting! [throttles Homer] Lisa: Mom, that's not how you pry them apart! [grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer] Marge: I've been prying them apart since before you were born! -- Family game night at the Simpsons, "Brawl in the Family" % Maggie grows concerned about the family's brawling. She crawls to % the phone and looks at the emergency speed-dialing buttons. There's % one for the fire department, one for the medics, and one for family % fights, which even looks like Homer strangling Bart. This is the % one she chooses. % % Meanwhile, at the police department, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou % face a lineup of prisoners. Wiggum: Okay, everyone turn to the left. [four men turn left, but the fifth turns right. They bump into each other] Oh, come on people, the "Prison Nutcracker Suite" is one week away, and I don't see five sugar plums. I see five guys who don't know their moves and don't seem to care. There -- I said it! [the phone rings] That better be wardrobe and it better be good news. [answers the phone] Hello? [he hears the Simpson family fighting] It sounds like a domestic disturbance. [hangs up] [to the prisoners] All right, we'll be right back. And don't try anything, [points to one man] because Johanssen there is a snitch. [Wiggum and the two policemen leave. The other four prisoners immediately start beating up Johanssen] -- Watch your back, Bob Fosse, "Brawl in the Family" % The police arrive on the scene. The top hat token from Monopoly % crashes through the front window, tipping the cops to the reason for % the fight. They decide to send in the Negotia-bot, a robot with the % upper torso of a policewoman attached to the tank-like platform used % for bomb-disposal robots. The robot goes into the house and rolls % up to the family. I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner -- DESTROY! DESTROY! -- Brenda the police robot, "Brawl in the Family" % Brenda calmly and constructively shoots a white substance at the % family, which turns out to be taffy. The entire family is trapped % in the giant taffy ball and subdued. Brenda drags them onto the % front lawn. Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here. Brenda: No way! This is my collar! [Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch, winning the argument] Wiggum: Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? [laughs] Homer: You got that right. Wiggum: Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call. % [End of Act One. Time: 6:41] % % The Simpson family sits in their jail cell. Lisa reads the paper, % which has made their arrest front-page news. Lisa: Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school. Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ... [Homer joins in] Homer + Bart: You're going to Stanford! Lisa: Take it back! Take it back! Homer: Stanford. Marge: This family has hit rock bottom. -- Well, it beats Brown, "Brawl in the Family" % As if on cue, a choral note, like the one that opens the "Simpsons" % theme song, plays. A man in a natty white suit approaches the % family's cell. Gabriel: Hello, I'm Gabriel. Homer: [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel. Gabriel: [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns it off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting, and become a family again. Homer: No, you are an angel, like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife," or Will Smith in "Bagger Vance," or Slimer in "Ghostbusters." Marge: Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies. Homer: Don't blame me -- blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end. -- "Brawl in the Family" % Before family therapy begins in earnest, Gabriel does some field % work, observing each family member in his or her own habitat. He % starts with Lisa. Sitting at her desk, she declares that her room % is her sanctuary, and that her family respects this. Just then % Bart, who has just been sprayed by a skunk, runs into her closet and % uses some of her sweaters to clean himself up. Lisa uses an % executive stress ball and chants a mantra -- "Just ten more years" % -- to keep her anger under control. % % Bart's next. Some kids might be embarrassed to be trailed by a % therapist. Not, Bart, though. Bart: Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here -- I'm just that nuts. [the schoolyard kids are impressed] Milhouse: How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands] -- You get a part in Mel Gibson's next movie, "Brawl in the Family" % By contrast, Marge seems to be the picture of sanity. Gabriel eats % a home-baked brownie. Gabriel: Thank you Marge. You sure do love cooking. Marge: Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime. 'Cause at six o'clock, we go live! [Gabriel looks disturbed] -- "Brawl in the Family" % Gabriel observes Homer in his favorite place -- Moe's Tavern. Homer: Okay, Gabriel, this is a bar. It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia. Gabriel: Homer, I am not an angel. Homer: Pfft. Well not with that temper. [seven beers later] Look, the think about my family is, there's five of us: Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him. [falls off the barstool, and groans. Gabriel jots something down in his notebook, and shakes his head] -- "Brawl in the Family" % Now that Gabriel has appraised the situation, he's able to think of % a way to help the Simpsons. He takes the family to a picturesque % clearing in the woods. Homer: Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven? Gabriel: No, Homer. I brought you out here to shake off your negative behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate your family with food. Bart, you'll do anything for attention -- cut that out! [cut to Bart, who is wearing a beard of bees] Bart: They chose me. [back to Gabriel] Gabriel: Homer, your problem is quite simple. You're a drunken, childish buffoon. Homer: Which is society's fault because ... Gabriel: It's your fault, Homer, but I've got an exercise that will help all of you break out of the roles you're stuck in. Who feels like lunch? Lisa: Me! Homer: Me! Bart: Right here! Marge: Me too! Gabriel: Good. I hung it at the top of that tree. [points up. A backpack hangs from one of the top limbs of a tall pine tree] Bart: But how are we supposed to get it? Gabriel: You'll just have to cooperate. Homer: Cooperate? Well, this is one family that doesn't swing that way. Gabriel: Are you sure? I made roast beef sandwiches -- one falafel -- Lisa: Thank you. Gabriel: And plenty of beer. Homer: Give me that beer! -- It's all in the motivation, "Brawl in the Family" % When it comes to beer, Homer can be a downright ingenious thinker. % Rather than taking the obvious route of climbing to the picnic % basket, Homer gets in the car and rams the tree. It falls over, % just barely missing Gabriel. (He may not be an angel, but evidently % they are watching over him.) The tree slides toward a canyon, % hooking Gabriel in its branches and dragging him over the edge. % % The tree bounces off the sides of the canyon a few times, before it % becomes wedged horizontally between the two canyon walls. Gabriel % holds on to one of the branches, which is the only thing preventing % him from falling hundreds of feet to the canyon floor. He's unhurt % -- for the moment -- but the scent of the lunch has attracted a pack % of wolves and cougars, who gather underneath the tree. Marge: We've got to do something -- but what? Homer: Okay, family huddle. [the family huddles together. Homer lowers his voice to a whisper] Now, here's how it's going down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other, as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted. Lisa: Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've got to think of a plan. Homer: Okay, but talk like this. Lisa: [whisper] Fine, I'll talk like this. Homer: [normal voice] What? -- "Brawl in the Family" % As a family, the Simpsons devise a rescue plan. As the rest of the % family steadies his descent, Homer climbs down the canyon wall and % onto the tree. He has to move quickly, for the wolves and cougars % have formed their own plan-making huddle. Lisa: Dad's on the log. Now Mom, you get the car and pull them to safety. [Marge runs toward the car, but trips on a tree root] Marge: Oh, my driving ankle! Bart, I know this sounds crazy, but do you think you can drive a car? Bart: [innocently] Okay, but it's my first time. Marge: Here's the keys. [hands him the keys] Bart: I got a set. [walks to the car and laces up a pair of driving gloves] -- "Brawl in the Family" % Bart expertly backs the car to the edge of the cliff. Lisa ties the % rope to the bumper, and Bart slowly drives forward, hauling up Homer % and Gabriel. The two men aren't out of danger yet, though. The % wolves and cougars know the value of teamwork, too. They form a % sort of "totem pole" by climbing onto one another. Soon, they're % close enough to swipe at Homer and Gabriel. The social worker tells % Homer to throw the food at the animals to distract them. Homer: Oh, no! The roast beef is making them stronger -- and the falafel is making them angrier! [the animals rig a catapult-like device, and use it to launch a cougar towards the men] Gabriel: Give them the beer! It will impair their motor skills. Homer: No! I will never -- [looks at the beer] Oh, wait, it's Blatz. [tosses it to the animals] -- "Brawl in the Family" % The animals bite into the cans, drink the beer, and immediately get % wasted. % % With everyone safe, the family and Gabriel head home, singing % happily. All: [singing to the tune of "We Are Family"] We are family! Bart: Our bitter fights are now history! All: We are family! Homer: Wolves and cougars ate our roast beef! -- "Brawl in the Family" % Gabriel is really satisfied with the way the Simpsons have come % together as a family. He has truly earned his Wings ... CD. As he % listens to "Band on the Run," Marge reflects on how the trip to the % woods has affected her family. Marge: You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger. Homer: Yep, our family is as functional as all get-out. Lisa: Could this be the end of our series ... of events? -- Tonight, on self-reference theater ... "Brawl in the Family" % The family bond is soon tested. As they pull up to the house, two % women are waiting in the driveway. They are Amber and Ginger, the % two floozies that Homer and Ned unwittingly married during their % trip to Las Vegas. Marge: Can I help you? Amber: Yeah, I'm looking for Homer Simpson. Homer: Oh, it's the woman I married in Vegas! [everyone in the car gasps] Gabriel: Homer, you're a bad man, and your seed should be wiped from the earth. [to Bart and Lisa] No offense, children. [gets out of the car] -- They get that a lot, "Brawl in the Family" % [End of Act Two. Time: 13:25] % % Amber and Ginger play a video of their wedding -- complete with a % shot of Homer kissing Ned -- just in case they tried to deny the % event ever happened. Marge is incensed. If I had known there were loose women in Las Vegas, I would never have let you go. -- Marge Simpson, "Brawl in the Family" % Homer tells Marge that while he did marry Amber, he also abandoned % her. Strangely, Marge is not mollified. % % Meanwhile, Ginger settles into the Flanders household, searching the % wall for a Murphy bed. Ned: Well, Ginger, sure is, um, neat that you managed to hunt me down. Ginger: Where's the bed? Ned: [prays] Oh, Lord, I know my new wife is a little more ... peppermint than you're used to, but, uh, I know you'd want me to honor my sacred vows, so I'll ... Ginger: Hey, stud, where do you keep your Wet Ones? I need to shower. Ned: Oh, we've got a real shower upstairs. Ginger: Upstairs? I hit the jackpot! -- "Brawl in the Family" % Homer tries to reconcile with his first wife. Homer: So, sitting on the bed, eh? Marge: Get out, Homer. Homer: Look, I married her, but that is as far as we went. We never, ever made whoopie -- or even mouth whoopie. Marge: Homer, I don't know if I can ever forgive you. Please go away. Homer: Fair enough, but I'm going to come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife: An annulment from his secret wife. -- When diamonds don't quite say it, "Brawl in the Family" % That's easier said than done, as Homer finds out in Judge Harm's % courtroom. Harm: Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold 'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand. Homer: But I only love Marge! Harm: I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff -- ring him. [a bailiff slides a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger] -- "Brawl in the Family" % Marge kicks Homer out of the house, in spite of his protests that % her doing so will cause a miscount in the census. He takes up % residence in Bart's treehouse. Amber climbs up, bringing with her % the makings for a pretty good midnight snack. Homer: Please, just leave me alone. Amber: Now, now, Mama's going to make you a snack. [starts to make Homer a sandwich] Homer: [gasps] Ooh! Yeah. That's good ... oh, don't stop ... oh, yeah ... faster, faster [cut to Marge's bedroom. She can overhear Homer and Amber] Faster, faster ... ohh, you do that like a pro! Marge: Oh, no, she's making him a sandwich. [covers her ears with a pillow] Homer: Use both hands! -- Fastest way to a man's heart, "Brawl in the Family" % The next morning, in Ned's bedroom, Ginger gets a wake-up call when % Ned and the kids bring her breakfast in bed. Ned, Rod + Todd: [singing] Rise, and shine and give God Your glory, glory! Ginger: [waking up] Huh? Wha? Huh? Ned: Me and the boys made you breakfast in bed. It's the best darn diddily way to start your first Flanders day. Ginger: [takes a cup of coffee from the tray] You think you could Irish up this coffee for me? Ned: Oops, watch the swears, honey bear. We don't use the I- word in this house. Ginger: [looks in the nightstand drawer] Where's my cigarettes? Rod: We flushed your sin sticks down to Hell. Todd: Smokers are jokers! Rod + Todd: Smokers are jokers! Ginger: I think I'm going to throw up! [rushes out of the room] Ned: Ooh, who wants to hold mommy's hair? Rod: Me, me! Todd: I do! -- "Brawl in the Family" % At the Simpsons, "Vegas Mom" tries to be nice with the kids, but % they seem resistant to her charms. % % At the bar, Lenny tells Homer that a man with two wives ought to % look happier. Carl corrects him -- it's the man with two *knives* % who is happy. % % That night, Homer can't sleep with his first wife, who is too angry % to see him, or his second, who isn't an attractive sight while % asleep. So, he ends up in the doghouse -- or he tries to. His % shoulders get stuck. Homer panics at first, but then tries calmly % walking around the yard. Marge can see him from the bedroom window, % and Homer's plight touches her. % % The next day, Homer wakes up next to the broken remains of the % doghouse. Ah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn. -- Homer Simpson, "Brawl in the Family" % Marge walks up to Homer. Marge: Homer? Homer: Marge? You're speaking to me? Marge: Why don't you come inside, and we'll talk. Homer: Talk about what? Sports? Bigamy? Marge: Bigamy. Homer: Not a sports fan, huh? -- "Brawl in the Family" % As Amber sunbathes in a wading pool on the front lawn, she can % overhear Homer and Marge arguing. Evidently, the talk didn't go % entirely smoothly. Homer angrily walks out of the house, and Marge % tells him to take "Britney Beers" -- as she calls Amber -- with him. % The children, meanwhile, seem resigned to their father's leaving. % Homer collects Amber, and they both head to Moe's to start their new % life together. Homer: My lady's glass is empty, Moe. Bring her another Cookies'N'Cream martini. Amber: No, honey, this time make it a Sex on the Beach -- and hold the beach. Ha! Lenny: Hey, Homey, your new wife is great. Her lips look like nightcrawlers. Homer: You know, she can put that mole anywhere on her face. -- What a catch, "Brawl in the Family" % Homer toasts Amber, and that's the last we see of them for the % night. The next morning, Amber wakes up in the treehouse. Amber: Ohh, my head. Aspirin -- [she downs a bottle of pills] RU-486 [downs another bottle] [suddenly, Abe rises up from the blankets] Abe: Morning, love muffin. Amber: Who are you? Abe: I'm your new husband, and that was a wedding night I'll never forget. Amber: Oh, no! We didn't ... Abe: We almost didn't, but you wouldn't take "I can't" for an answer. Wanna give Honest Abe another term in the Oval Office? Amber: No! Abe: Oh, thank God. -- "Brawl in the Family" % Amber doesn't understand how she ended up hitched to Abe. % Fortunately, Homer had the nuptials videotaped for posterity. The % video shows Amber clearly renouncing all others to wed Abe Simpson. % Homer is free and clear, while Vegas Mom, in Bart's words, crapped % out. The family seems equally proud that their plan worked, and % that they carried it out as a family. % % Meanwhile, the Flanders' saccharine ways have caused Ginger to snap. % She runs out of the house to meet Amber. Both women decide to high- % tail it back to Vegas, where they figure they can be won as prizes % on poker games. % % The Simpsons exult in their victory. Marge: I'm so proud of us. When we stick together, we can do anything. Abe: Oh, I lost another wife. Lisa: I'm so sorry, grandpa. Abe: Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. [pause] There she goes. [to Homer] You know, I have a son about your age. [all laugh] Homer: Aw, I love that. -- "Brawl in the Family" % And so ends another bonding experience for America's favorite % dysfunctional family. % % [End of Act Three: 21:11] % % Normal closing credits and Gracie Noise. ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {ac} A C {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {cl} Chad Lehman {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {ep} Eric Perlin {jc} Jeff Cross {jg2} Joe Green {jk} Joe Klemm {mbb} Michael Baer {mp} Melody Petrick {sx} Stephen X {th} Tony Hill {ts} Ted Schuerzinger ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2004 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2004 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by Parker Brothers. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.