Faith Off Written by Frank Mula Directed by Nancy Kruse ============================================================================== Production code: BABF06 Original Airdate on FOX: 16-Jan-2000 Capsule revision B (7-Sep-2000) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== None submitted. [If you use these summaries to determine if you found the right capsule, here's a TV Guide-like synopsis: After successfully curing his father's affliction, Bart becomes a faith healer to the masses. Meanwhile, Homer gets ready for the his alma mater's homecoming game -- Ed.] ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: I WILL STOP PHONING IT IN Couch: Sigmund Freud is sitting on a chair next to the couch. The family runs toward the couch, and Homer is the first one there. He lies down, and as the rest of the family watches, complains that he's gone crazy. ============================================================================== > Did You Notice... ============================================================================== Wilson Banswell: ... Homer's dorm room looks exactly as before? Sarah Culp: ... the congregation's laughter in the church sounded like an old TV laugh- track? Don Del Grande: ... the letter Homer got from Springfield University listed his address as "742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, USA" without a ZIP code? ... at the revival meeting, Ralph was there with his parents, but Martin wasn't? ... Bart says "Eat my shorts" for the first time in years? ... at Bart's revival meeting, Sherri and Terri seem to make identical movements, except that only one of them blinks? ... Springfield A&M is called the "Snortin' Swine" despite the fact that it was founded by a cow? [Well, the mascot is a pig -- Ed.] ... the scoreboard says 12:31 at the opening kickoff and 4:35 at halftime? ... for that matter, the scoreboard doesn't say what quarter it is? ... for probably the first time in over ten years, somebody remembered to put lines every five yards apart instead of ten on a football field? Ben Fonter: ... both Bart and Homer crowd-surf in this episode? (Bart does at his Evangelical, and Homer does to get down out of the stadium to retrieve his float.) ... there is one lone fan still sitting in the otherwise empty stadium when the show ends? Curtis Gibby: ... the nerds weren't referred to by name at any time during the episode? ... the narrow end of Cletus' tie is longer than the wide end, like he tied it wrong and didn't bother to fix it? ... even Martin and Professor Frink are dumb enough to follow Bart? Joe Green: ... the shrink in the couch gag looks like Freud himself? ... Homer's old dorm room still has the Space Mutants poster? ... OFF are among the few people in Springfield who didn't know about Brother Faith's Revival? ... Professor Frink believes in faith healing? Richard E. Green: ... Lenny and Carl received their Nuclear Physics degrees from Springfield A&M (either their bachelor's or master's, or both)? ... the Dean actually puts "Dean" on his mailbox? ... Homer never did actually get even with the Dean (so out of character, eh?) ... Edna was sitting next to Otto at the Faith show ... but Skinner was sitting a couple of rows back? ... Mr. Black (!) was at the Faith show? ... yet another appearance of Alison Taylor, at Bart's Faith show? ... Bart considers pulling a bucket off Homer's head and getting money out of Ralph's nose MIRACLES? ... all-star Softball player Ozzie Smith was in the crowd at the football game (look for him when they cheer when the kicker returns to the stadium)? Tony Hill: ... triple bunk beds in the dorm room? ... Homer remembers his friends as "the nerds"? ... Dean Peterson thinks a 7-5 football season is good? ... Presbyterian Hospital is once again Springfield General? ... the cast of Brother Faith is entirely black, but hardly anyone in the audience is? ... Brother Faith's penchant for double and triple negatives? ... Bart's revival has the church organist from First Church of Springfield? Carl Johnson: ... Homer sings "Aloha Oe" in two consecutive episodes? ["Little Big Mom (BABF04)" aired last week in North America -- Ed.] Joe Klemm: ... the coins in Ralph's nose are a dime and a quarter? ... Kent Brockman's nephew is one of the writers on the local news? Haynes Lee: ... this episode is rated [in the USA, at least] TV-V for violence? Jerry P.: ... the Dean noticed the nerds, not Homer, even when Homer hollered at him? ... it looks like the curtains have carrots again? ... the song restarts with a drum beat after Flanders says "Yes, son."? ... Milhouse wants to keep his date at Make-out Creek dead or alive? Benjamin Robinson: ... the school bullies were at Brother Faith's revival? I didn't know they were so spiritual. ... Homer's drawing skills seem to have improved? ... the kicker really *should* have had his foot insured? Evan Ross: ... the "Capital" University pennant at Moe's? Benjamin Shyovitz: ... after the news guy says he lost his thesaurus, Kent mumbles "that's not all you're gonna lose"? ============================================================================== > Voice Credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Gary, Lubchenko {cg}, Frat Boy 2?, Mel, Krusty, Abe) - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Ralph, Nelson, Todd) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Doug, Frat Boy 1?, Cletus, Frink, Moe, Carl, Intern?) - Harry Shearer (Benjamin, Dean, Guard 1, Guard, Hibbert, Lovejoy, Flanders, Lenny, Brockman, Game Announcer, Capt. McAllister) - Special Guest Voice - Don Cheadle (Brother Faith) - Joe Mantegna (Fat Tony) - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel) - Also Starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse) - Tress MacNeille (Disgusted Lady, Revival Announcer) - Russi Taylor (Sherri, Terri) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + "Face/Off" (movie) - title of episode spoofs this film's title (and nothing else) ~ the 1999 Simpsons phone-in blackboard-gag contest - Bart's blackboard gag refers to it + "Love Story" (movie) - Homer recalls plot of this film as his own life - [Ray Kassinger adds, "Also a ref to Al 'I invented the internet' Gore's conviction that 'Love Story' was based on Tipper and himself" - - Ed.] + Garo Yepremian (football player) {al} - Springfield University's star kicker based on this Albanian (?) field- goal kicker who played for the Dolphins - "Caddyshack" (movie) {mr} - the scene with the hired goons at the fund raiser going after Homer similar to one where goons enforce payment on a bet + Yale's Whiffenpoofs (singing group) {th} - SU's singing group is a reference to them ~ "The Naked Gun" (movie) {jk} - the sequence where Homer drives around with the bucket on his head resembles this movie's opening credits - Marjoe Gortner (former child evangelist) {hl} - the Bart plot is based on him + "Leap of Faith" (movie) - big, flashy tent revival meeting with special effects {jc} - faith healing through physical attacks {jc} - Steve Martin's character holds two firework/sparkler things like Bart did {rk} + "Life in Hell" (comic strip) - title of Matt Groening's original work doubles as a sermon topic + chain letters {bjr} - Lovejoy's sermon reads like the text of a chain letter (send ten copies to friends ... don't break the chain) + Carthage (ancient city) {bjr} - after the Romans defeated this city, they salted the earth to prevent things from growing there + "Aloha Oe" (song) {jk} - Homer sings this as "Aloha Moe" + Keith Jackson (football announcer) {ba} - the man calling the football game bore striking resemblance to him. He was complete with Jackson's head scratching, off-the-wall one- liners and commentary + Penn State Nittany Lions {aa} + Alabama Crimson Tide (college football teams) {dj} - SU football team's nickname is Nittany Tide - [{bjr} says, "I think 'Nittany' has to do with the name of a mountain near the PSU campus" -- Ed.] + "(I Had) The Time Of My Life" - halftime spoofs this title [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] - "The Karate Kid" (movie) {jc} - laying upon hands to heal an athlete in time for a victory + "Annie Get Your Gun" (musical) {jk} - one of the announcer's homespun sayings based on this ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - [7G--] Bart uses his famous "eat my shorts" catchphrase for the first time in about 5 or 6 seasons {nb} - [7F06] Bart jumps his skateboard off a ramp {nb} - [9F01] Moe is a Snake handler {hl} - [9F03] Itchy says "Oh me, oh my" (cf. Anton Lubchenko, the kicker) {cg} - [1F02] Springfield A&M {ddg} - [1F02], [4F12] The nerds appear {hl} - [1F02] Homer's one-class attendance at Springfield U. remembered {bjr} - [1F02] Dean Peterson appears {hl} - [1F02] A joke was made about the school's motto {nb} - [1F02] The security guards remember Homer running over the dean {nb} - [1F05] Bart becomes famous as a healer {dj} - [1F08] the Texas senator from this episode was in the crowd at the revival {dj} - [1F14] Homer gets worked up over a football game {jg2} - [3F02] "I am not at liberty to divulge" {jg2} - [3F02] An exterminator's fumigation tent {jg2} - [3F02] Milhouse gets run over by a truck {jg2} - [3F17] cornfield drive {th} - [3F21] Homer passed along by a crowd {th} - [3F22] Milhouse mistakes another animal (in this case, a horseshoe crab) for a dog - [3G04] Fat Tony made the same mistake as the war recreationists {jp} - [4F05] Burns discusses colleges {hl} - [5F06] Kirk's arm gets dismembered {hl} - [5F12] Moe does the hula {cg} - [5F17] A Simpson gets something glued to his face {jg2} - [5F17] Comedy of Traumas featured {hl} - [5F19] Homer drives through a cornfield {dj} ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - Envelope from homecoming notice [seal] SPRINGFIELD UNIVERSITY [stamp] Mr. Homer Simpson HOMECOMING 742 Evergreen Terrace Springfield USA - Plaque on Springfield University gate IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU'RE ACCEPTED - Poster in the "traumedy" room YES I CAN! [mountain with man with flag on top ] - Sign at revival meeting BROTHER FAITH'S REVIVAL - Church sign First Church of Springfield TODAY'S TOPIC: LIFE IN HELL ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== - The clock tower at Springfield U says 4:10, but it's dark out. (No, they DIDN'T go there at 410 AM!) {reg} + The sign there says "if you can read this, you've been accepted", but it's obvious that Homer could have read it, but was originally denied enrollment there. [Sam Bell responds, "It wasn't in original college ep. Winner of motto contest possibly?" -- Ed.] {reg} = One of Marge's pearls in the dorm-make-out scene was incredibly large. {cj} * Last season, Springfield University played 12 games. Unless it's a NCAA Division I-A football school (which I doubt), the only way that is possible is if it qualified for a post-season tournament, which doesn't sound likely if they have to roust the alumni for money. {ddg} * The nerd mentioning his computer has 512 shades of red seems to imply they should use his computer to have a wider variety of reds, but if the Dean's computer has fewer reds, it won't matter anyway. {jp} + Homer was wearing a hat when the bucket fell on his head, but it wasn't shown in the X-Ray or when the bucket was removed. {th2} * If you look at the X-ray, the bucket appears to be stuck around Homer's forehead, so they could have just removed the part of the bucket below that. {ddg} * Why didn't Dr. Hibbert just use terror sweat to get the bucket off Homer's head? {mm} = The holes that Bart drills into Homer are much lower than where they are shown in the later scenes. {reg} * When Homer was driving with the bucket on his head, the line down the center of the road meaning there would be no traffic driving towards him unless the entire family let him turn down a one way street the wrong way. {ds} c Audio: (Homer) Ok, that wasn't the bucket's fault. Captioning: Stupid Ford. [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {tpl} * Just how many events are there where pretty much everybody but the Simpsons know are there, but the Simpsons themselves have no idea that it's taking place? [A lot, apparently -- Ed.] {ddg} c According to captions, Brother Faith's announcer says "Pray for the healing love of Brother Faith." We don't hear "pray." Maybe this was removed since it sounded similar to Bart's intro "Put your souls together ..." which was not captioned. {jp} = The Faith show had TWO Ruth Powers at it - one of them was sitting on the aisle with a blue blazer and the other one could be seen right after Homer gets the bucket off, wearing the more traditional red scarf and lavender sweater. {reg} * How did Brother Faith know that Bart is Homer's son? {jp} * The holes in Brother Faith's pet carrier are larger than the snakes, which would allow them to escape. {cg} - Brother Faith's eyebrows disappear when he says "God's angle." {jp} * Yes, heat would make the metal expand, but it was the glue that made it stick -- and if it really was super glue, heat wouldn't loosen it. [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {ddg} = The revival tent was much too small to fit over a house. But when they panned to the church, the church wasn't much bigger. {th} = The shape of the tent changes and the hole appears. {jp} + According to this episode, the Springfield church is four houses away from 742 Evergreen Terrace (and according to AABF22 it is also across the street from the Elementary school), so why is it that OFF always needs to drive there, and when they do it takes some time? {reg} + Since when do Sherri and Terri want to help Bart (one of them supposedly has a crush on him ... but they've never helped him with anything before) {reg} = Reverend Lovejoy's guitar isn't connected to anything, yet it sounds like it's hooked up to an amplifier. {ddg} = After Prof. Frink's line in the song, Sherri and Terri are heard singing, but their mouths don't move. {jp} + When Bart is seen through the tent, he still has his cape on. {er} * Milhouse should have known his vision was still bad. {jp} = The driver of the truck that hits Milhouse gets out of the right side of the truck immediately after stopping. In the previous shot, he's shown on the left. {cg} = The whites in Milhouse's eyes appear only right after the accident. {ddg} - The numbers on the far side of the football field appear rightside-up, but they should appear upside-down (they should face the side of the field they're next to). {ddg} - There are various shots of Springfield A&M fans who have the wrong facial expressions, e.g. sad when it looks like the field goal will miss, happy when SU wins, etc. {cg} * The physics of the game's final kick are wrong. [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {jp} * According to the rulebook, Springfield U. actually LOST the game. [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {ddg} c Lubchenko says his leg broke off, but the CC says his leg flew off. {bjr} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Wilson Banswell: They must have made this episode five years ago, and only now it has turned up. I mean there was actual continuity between two episodes. Anyway, Homer and Bart's characterization was great. Liked Brother Faith as well. There weren't too many jokes as last week's crap-o-rama, but than again quality over quantity. Can't believe Homer returned to college; that was great. Stupid ending prevents really takes away from the episode. (B) Nate Birch: What the heck has Frank Mula been doing? From checking credits, he's been with the show since almost the beginning, but hasn't written an ep since season four? It's about time he got off his can, because for season 11 this was pretty good. The first act is great, very funny and leads into the main plot very well, even if it's just a retread of "Homer goes to college". The second act where Bart thinks he's a faith healer is good too, as it's very funny in parts, but without being too preachy, I thought it might end up being more like "Lisa the skeptic". The final act was a bit of a letdown though, as Bart's storyline was never really resolved, and the big sports game finale seemed tacked on, and I found the flying leg a bit too much. A pretty good ep with well done animation, it's good for a ... (B+) Sarah Culp: Very mediocre, a few chuckles here and there, but it was definitely not a high point for the series, or even the season. The song wasn't good enough to save it. (C-) Don Del Grande: This was a funny episode (and despite what half of ATS is going to claim, the song did NOT ruin the episode), but the "Bart uses his power for a happy ending" ending caused it to drop off -- and the sudden ending only made it worse. (B) Ben Fonter: I didn't like this episode too much. There were a few good jokes, and while the song wasn't in a great key, I loved the lyrics. The Reverend Lovejoy killing the guitar bit was great, and the leg was just sick. I was glad to find two subplots tied together for the first time since lord knows when. Maybe the writers are finally paying attention to the great ideas being harvested by the regulars at ATS. But then again, maybe they just screwed up. I enjoyed seeing the lone fan sitting in the stands at the end of the game (fell asleep??). Unfortunately, it just wasn't written well enough to make my grade. (C+) Curtis Gibby: A pretty good episode, with nothing overly wacky to drag down the plot. The characterizations were dead on. ("I would think he would want to *limit* my power.") The first two acts were gold, even the musical number, but the ending was somewhat of a disappointment. (The whole Bart plot in the third act was unpleasant for me, but I liked Homer's float.) Overall, one of the best this season, mostly because of its more serious nature. (A-) Joe Green: A very funny episode at times, as shown by moments like Dr. Hibbert's "traumedies". On the other hand, the unnecessarily grotesque ending took it down a notch. (B-) Tony Hill: This was certainly a different Simpsons experience. The plot was somewhat reminiscent of "Bart's Inner Child," although it's certainly an improvement. I think we had the first masturbation reference in a long time. The leg gag seems like it belongs on "South Park," and did they really reduce the Pauline epistles to a chain letter? (B-) Carl Johnson: "The Simpsons" hasn't produced this kind of show in years, making it the most welcome episode since season ten began. Oh sure, the story was a wreck, and the jokes weren't great, but this was very well-written, the kind of show that improves with each repeated viewing. Call me an old-fashioned sophomoric boor, if you will, but I would rather see a restrained but detailed show like this, than a wacky, wild mess that makes me laugh. "Faith Off" is comparable to the tepid parts of seasons past, but in terms of execution, it is the best episode this season. (C+) Darrel Jones: An absolutely excellent episode! Best of the season so far. The couch gag was sheer brilliance, and "Testify" is the best musical production number in some time. Excellent jokes throughout. A perfect 10/10 (A+) Haynes Lee: Religious plot was weak and the ending was completely ruined by a particularly gross ending. It seems that Dr. Nick has more medical ethics than Dr. Hibbert. (D+) Andrew Levine: To echo Carl last week, I am speechless beyond speech. This didn't feel like a Season 11 episode. This felt like a Season *5* episode. I can't remember the last time I saw as many clever spoofs of clichés in one show -- I think it was sometime in 1995. There was a strong (non-wacky) subplot, a strong main plot, and they came together well at both the beginning and the end. The characterization of Bart and Homer was so good it was frightening (except for the latter's sowing salt). The only real fault was that the satire could have been more incisive. But this was still the best episode since "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment." I may not have faith in god like Bart does, but I have had my own revival of faith in the writing staff. (A-) Ondre Lombard: This episode was a funny romp sandwiched between two very weak beginnings and ends. While I genuinely enjoyed parts of Homer's disaster with the bucket, I found the college stuff to be a pointless launching pad of tired and rehashed cliches the show has abused far too often: nerds, nerds and pornography, and Homer pulling a stupid stunt. In the end, a better way of arriving at the main plot probably could've been done. And the ending (basically everything after act three begins) was the forfeiture of direction, point and meaning for a valueless, tasteless, blind lurch in a dark forest of ridiculousness. [...] "Faith Off" is one of the greatest examples of blown potential since "'Round Springfield." (C) Patrick McGovern: For about 21 minutes, this was the best episode since "The Mysterious Voyage of Homer". The plot was pitch perfect. The character development was well-handled and believable. Don Cheadle played Brother Faith very well. And as far as musical numbers go, "Testify" is one of the better ones. But how do we end this? Why, throw in the mob and a bloody flying limb, of course. This was so close to sealing *MY* Faith revival in OFF-but the ending just didn't click. Still, this gets a great grade based on 2 1/2 near-perfect acts. (A-) Michael Nussair: Tonight's episode was okay, I thought. It had a few funny parts (Lib? ... I see the light! It burns!), but not really enough ... The song was pretty good, and it was certainly entertaining throughout ... But quite a few of the jokes fell flat, and that thing at the end with the severed leg was pretty stupid. And what was the deal with the Dean? Maybe I'm just stupid, but that wasn't the dean *I* remember! Overall, not one of the better recent episodes, but not one of the worst either. (B-) Chris Palm: What can I say? I haven't enjoyed an episode this much since season 7. Regular Homer! Regular Bart! An enjoyable song! A plot that made sense and flowed smoothly! Great use of a previous episode! Great gags! Minimal wackiness! I mean ... WOW! I didn't even figure out until afterwards that this episode was by the same guy who wrote 1F07, and boy does it show. Maybe I'm just giddy right now, but I'm giving "Faith Off" an (A+) Matt Rose: I'm usually of the opinion that the Simpsons has run out of gas and is quite a bit tired and half-assed in its execution most of the time these days. But I felt like this episode was at least decent enough to comment on. I enjoyed Harry Shearer's lampooning of overblown college football announcer Keith Jackson. Bart seems like the only character they haven't permanently screwed up. Even the musical number didn't bother me very much. I guess this is probably as good as it gets on the Simpsons gets these days, which is watchable, but a long way from the glory days. (B-) Eric Sansoni: What for at least half its length felt like one of the most promising episodes of the season, is marred by the most horrendous moment in the series' history. An extended, slow-motion gore shot is a chilling distraction that single-handedly capsizes all the storytelling and comedic momentum the episode had built up. I enjoyed many things, including the way the intro both concluded and led into the main plot as smoothly as in old episodes, Bart's character, and the most clever and lively musical number heard on the show in years. But the way the episode stops cold for a horrific event, then ends abruptly with no satisfactory conclusion of any kind, shows extreme carelessness and insensitivity by the writers. (C+) David Sibley: This was a pretty good episode for this season. It had some funny moments. It had some predictable moments. Not spectacular as far as Simpsons goes but a definite highlight for this season. Second only to "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?" in my mind. (B+) Jon Spratt: I personally thought that tonight's episode was A LOT funnier than it sounded by reading the previews. I laughed out loud at more than a couple of the jokes, and hey, they gave us a musical number. Excellent episode, in my opinion. (A-) Yours Truly: "Faith Off" had better plotting than usual, with the main and secondary plots interacting and building upon one another. Unfortunately, the third act has a few too many plot elements crammed in at the last second. Most of the show was at least amusing, but nothing much stood out, either, and a bone-chilling injury in the third act ended on a bad note. On the brighter side, I liked both Brother Faith's and Bart's energetic revival routines -- and this is from someone who normally isn't into song-and- dance sequences. There's nothing wrong with this episode that a little faith -- and a bit of rewriting -- couldn't cure. (B) AVERAGE GRADE: B (2.87) Std Dev.: 0.8364 (32 reviews computed) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> sex, lies, and the internet Richard E. Green: the program that Doug mentioned for downloading pr0n faster does actually exist ... but I've never ... actually ... used it ... myself. What I can tell you is that it has a built-in Usenet reader and goes through all groups with "sex, erotica, nude etc ..." and saves every attached image. Look into pretty much any newsgroup and you'll see ads for it ... but for whatever reason I can't remember the name of this program, and don't want to go find out right now >> Foot, don't fail me now Benjamin Robinson: Kickers are the unsung heroes of (American) football. In football, the touchdown is usually the main event, so most of the glory goes to the quarterbacks, running backs, and receivers who engineer them. The kicker is a crucial part of a winning team. Since he is usually the one who scores all the field goals, and is credited with the point-after kick following a touchdown, he will often be the one who scores the most points for a team over a season. Even so, the place kicker is sort of a low-key position, it's a subtly humorous point he would be the team's star player. The fact that Andre Lubchenko, the Nittany Tide's kicker, is a foreigner is also no coincidence. Many kickers in the pros are people who hail from countries where soccer (that *other* football) is popular. While we're on the subject of football, people who aren't familiar with the game should take note: A 7-5 record isn't much to brag about. It's the equivalent of boasting a C+ average. Wilson Banswell: True, but now that there are a hundred and one bowls this year (with such classics as North Maryland State 43, Western North Dakota 0) a 7-5 can still get you a bowl invitation. And a final note from Benjamin Robinson: (And for those *really* unfamiliar with the game, a field goal [kicking the ball through the uprights] is worth three points.) >> Diff'rent Dean Some people noticed the Dean's appearance changed radically since "Homer Goes to College (1F02)." Bill McNeal explains: The Dean that we see wasn't the former Pretender we saw in "Homer Goes to College." It was a completely different person, and they neglect to mention that. There's even a mention of Homer as "that guy who ran over the Dean five years ago," yet no explanation as to what happened to *that* Dean. And the new guy is in his mid-fifties ... Simon Treanor: Well, given the Injuries that Bobby Petersen suffered, maybe he couldn't do the job any more. It's hard to believe there would be a genuine mistake *that* sloppy. [Hey, we can call the new guy "Dean Humphries!" -- Ed.] >> Geeks and formatting Benjamin Robinson: Using bold red letters, as one of the geeks suggest, is the mark of sending mail in HTML (hypertext) format. Ironically, this is one thing that real-life geeks would eschew. HTML is less efficient than plain text, and is not easily accepted across all platforms. Efficiency and the ability to be read on all computer types without modification are both qualities that geeks highly prize. They would be more like to come out against using formatted text than for it. >> sex, lies, and the library Richard E. Green: Sex in the library is very common on college campuses, both from where I come from, and from what I've heard from students at other schools ... and for whatever reasons campus security is against the idea. Most college libraries are very large and have many small private "group work" rooms, so people who have the inconvenience of having to share a room often run off to these rooms. >> Stupid Ford! Wilson Banswell: When Homer was driving with the bucket over his head, and the car fell in to the ditch, the cc read "Stupid Ford" It's sorta of ironic I think because Ford pulled its ads after "Beyond Blunderdome" for the Electra-Taurus water scene. Now, Fox changed the line from "Stupid Ford" , maybe to appease Ford. >> Believe In Power Of The Lord And He Will Cure You Of Your Leprosy! Jeff Cross [apt name! -- Ed.]: Faith healing is the idea that sufficient belief in God will cure whatever physical ailment is bothering you; it's one of the tenets of the Christian Scientists. When in high school I had a Science & Religion class where we actually delved into faith healing and alternative medicine: stuff like acupuncture, reflexology, and curing people with simple water actually does work, but only if the patient believes in the treatment--in short, the placebo effect, which is constantly documented in any pharmaceutical commercial where they compare effectiveness of a drug to a group taking sugar pills instead of the medication. The whole laying-upon-hands bit that the revival preacher was doing seems to be a rehash of Jesus' curing the lame with just a touch. Phil Dennison clarifies: Brother Faith has nothing to do with the Christian Scientists, and a lot to do with the ever-growing Fundamentalist Christian movement. Such evangelists as Benny Hinn, Ernest Angley and Pat Robertson engage in this sort of thing on a regular basis, some more theatrical, some less so. Robertson, for example, simply sits and prays on-camera and refers to receiving visions of people currently watching and being healed of various afflictions; Hinn puts on more of a stage show, with dramatic gestures, acrobatic, emotional reactions from the audience, even hitting people with his suit coat to heal them. Laying on of hands is an extremely important function in evangelical/fundamentalist churches, and occurs not only during "faith healings" but when blessing marriages and betrothals, praying for another's well-being, dedicating babies to Jesus, etc. >> The glue may be crazy, but Homer's crazier Benjamin Robinson: Lisa, surprisingly, may not be any more correct about how Bart removed Homer's bucket than Bart was. In "Why Things Are," Joel Achenbach writes, "If you accidentally Super Glue your eyelids shut (note use of trademarked name as a verb), wash with warm water, apply a gauze patch, and sit tight. Don't try to pry it. The eyelid will open in one to four days, undamaged. According to the Loctite Corporation [makers of Super Glue]." This suggests that Bart would eventually have been able to free his dad, whether they went to Brother Faith's revival or not. They just had to wait. (Seriously, though, you should consult your doctor if manage to Super Glue something that you shouldn't have, especially if that something is a part of you.) Justin Headley sees other problems: Lisa said that the metal on the bucket expanded which came off of homer's head because of heat. 1. The glue was still there, not just the metal which was stuck. 2. Steel, which we can assume was used for the bucket, only starts to considerably expand at about 800 degrees, so I think homer would have felt that. Joshua Miller adds: While heat does cause metal to expand, it would cause the metal in the bucket to expand in all directions, not just away from his head. In the same way that heat causes a wind instrument to go sharp by expanding into the path of air, thus constricting the air flow, heat would actually make the bucket tighter on Homer's head. Ostap Bender: Actually, it looks to me Lisa was again straining to do some explaining and missed a much better explanation. The sight of all the stuff going on around Homer made him start perspiring. And nothing dissolves glue better than human sweat (ahem ... it's more like hydraulic pressure than solving though). And was a terror sweat all right! >> Faith kicking! Bart mentions Tae-Bo in church. Joe Klemm tells about this exercise trend: One of the latest workout plans that's out in America is a program called Tae-Bo. Created by Billy Banks, Tae-Bo is a hybrid of a regular exercise workout and a martial arts class. Thus, you learn self-defense while you work out. Currently, there are two types of Tae-Bo programs, regular and kick-boxing. >> You can always fall back on your major in ... Communications!? Tim Millard asks: Why the crack on communications degrees anyway? I can understand the crack on philosophy majors made on the show a while back, but I wonder what compelled the communications crack? Seth Miller answers: It's a very common student athlete breeze major. I'm sure people who seriously take it find something of value in it though. "Fit N Feisty": It seems to me, that general studies/American studies, and undeclared are more popular majors among college athletes than communications. Although it depends on the college involved, communications/liberal arts may be the equivalent of general/American studies. Recreation/leisure studies is another popular "jock" major. I suspect the writers picked communications to poke fun at themselves, because several of them were probably majored in communications in college. Ryan (or maybe Amy; it was a shared account) Kearns: If you watch college football, when they profile the players, note how many Communications majors there are. Sarah Culp thinks this may not be such a worthless major, after all: Wouldn't this actually make him a good candidate for a sports-broadcasting position? >> Block that kick! Lubchenko's final kick was impossible, according to Jerry P.: When playing ping pong, I've been told not to throw my paddle at the ball because it would never hit the ball over the net due to physics. Also, it can damage the paddle. Anyway, I doubt the flying foot would work either. Seth Miller: I'm not going to argue the real possibility of ... well ... of the flying foot thing ever happening, but the throwing the paddle thing assumes you are throwing it laterally because you can't reach to the sides. If you throw the paddle TOWARDS the net, you could conceivably hit the ball over with the flying paddle, and if you get your angles right you could even do it without the paddle also going sailing over the net. Of course, this is explicitly illegal even if you are skillful/lucky enough to pull it off, the point would be your opponents. Actually, the more analogous but feasible sports occurrence would be a baseball player taking a mighty swing, hitting a dribbler, but having his body twirl around, losing control of the bat, and having the bat fly through the infield and knock the ball forward. Of course, since the foot CAUGHT UP with the ball (ok now I am arguing the real possibility of the flying foot thing ever happening), he would have pretty much had to have slung his foot off AFTER kicking the ball with it, and almost definitely AFTER the follow through. >> By the book Everyone who saw this episode knows Springfield won the game (even if it was physically impossible). Everyone is wrong, says Don Del Grande: As a sports PA announcer who's been known to pull one too many items out of the rulebook, a quick look at the NCAA football rulebook (which is used in all college football in the USA ... as well as pretty much all football in Texas) says that Springfield U. actually LOST the game: Rule 8-3-4-1-a: "A field goal shall be scored for the kicking team if a drop kick or place kick passes over the crossbar between the uprights ... before it touches a player of the kicking team or the ground." (This is to prevent someone from tapping the ball over the crossbar.) When it touched the kicker's detached foot, the first kick ended, and since the second kick was when the ball was in the air, it became a punt. "But the official said it was good!" There's more than one official out there; besides, a call can be changed if it was based on an incorrect application of the rules. (Rule 11-2-1-b says "The referee is the sole authority for the score, and his decisions upon rules and other matters pertaining to the game are final.) "So all Fat Tony has to do is, er, 'talk' the referee into counting that last field goal and they win after all!" You've got a point there ... Frederic Briere suggest a possible counter-argument: I think one could argue that the foot is not a player in and of itself, and therefore the rule does not apply ... >> Going overboard with continuity Michael K. Neylon says you can do this: Last night's episode "Faith Off" had several references to past episodes, which in of itself is not bad, as continuity is not "wrecked". But a large number of these were forced and in our face; specifically the Nerds from "Homer Goes to College", Lisa's vegan-ism from "Lisa the Vegetarian", Fat Tony, and a few others. It wasn't that they were referenced, but to the extent that it seemed the writers were asking us "Hey, remember these stories? Well, we'll remind you! Again and again!" This "in your face" approach to make sure that we "get" the joke failed on many grounds in this particular episode, but I've been seeing this trend for the other episodes of this season as well. I point to how seasons 4-7 handled continuity -- save for certain episodes (Any SSB one, for example), the continuity was a subtle addition -- things that were picked up by the DYN sections of the capsules. One good example is Selma's last name, which after every marriage has gotten longer, but the old marriages are never explicitly stated. Continuity is a good thing, but there's right and wrong ways to include this. Good examples exist in the Simpsons as well as King of the Hill and Futurama. Subtlety in humor works much better than full assault. Eric Sansoni: I always call them gratuitous past episode references, something they throw in as a "hey, remember this" as opposed to something that relates to the story. E.g., discussing Sideshow Bob's past deeds in his eps relates to the story, but Lisa mentioning her vegetarianism all the time does not. They were never treated as jokes per se, but more as in- jokes, that fans would get but others would never notice. Now you have fans saying, these references are not FUNNY in and of themselves, and everyone else just scratching their heads in confusion. Chris Palm notes: Fat Tony is a recurring character. It's not unexpected for him to show up every once in a while. A single white male adds: I'm not sure how Fat Tony's appearance is wrecking continuity. He has appeared in several episodes. He is a recurring character, just like the Sea Captain and the Bumblebee guy, except with better lines. Surely they don't wreck the continuity for you. And Lisa's vegetarianism is a way of life from now on, just like Homer is still safety inspector since way back early in the first season when he got promoted. >> Miscellaneous, Etc. The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is: Bless My Zinger Brad Corsello notes that "A&M" stands for, "Agricultural and Mechanical." Now you know. Curtis Gibby contributes the next two items: I guess it was inevitable that they put a psychiatrist joke in as the couch scene. John 2:11 reads, "This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Falilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him." Tony Hill: "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" written for the movie "Dirty Dancing" by Frank Previte, Jon DiNicola, and Donald Markowitz, was the Oscar-winning best song of 1987. Andrew Levine: When Lisa said she didn't believe, was she talking about God, or the faith-healing charlatanry? Food for thought. [My money's on the latter -- Ed.] ============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary {bjr} ============================================================================== % Homer sorts through the family's mail -- mostly bills, as usual. % Today's mailbag contains a surprise, though. Homer: [reading envelope] Springfield Anniversary homecoming! Finally, a chance to relive my golden college years. [opens letter] Lisa: Dad, you only took one course. Homer: [fondly] Remember my love affair with Ali McGraw? She used to call me, "Preppie." Then she died. Marge: [reading letter] Oooh, there's a homecoming parade, a cocktail party -- Homer: And the big game between Springfield U. and Springfield A&M. I hate Springfield U. so much! Lisa: You went to Springfield U. You hate A&M. Homer: So much. -- School ties, "Faith Off" % Homer and Marge arrive at the Springfield University campus. He % finds his old dorm room, looking much as it did when he was a % student there, and starts to make out with Marge. Suddenly, the % couple is interrupted by his old nerdy roommates. (It seems that % Homer has forgotten the customary necktie-on-the-doorknob indicating % he has a girl in the room.) Like Homer, the nerds have graduated % and found jobs in the real world. One of them works on a secret % cyborg project. Another fellow invented something sure to be in % demand: A program that downloads porn from the internet a million % times faster than normal. Homer is appreciative. % % Later that night, everyone attends a mixer. Homer tries to mingle % with one of the guests. Homer: Yep. So, because of me, all the dorms now have security phones. Lady: Ugh. [walks off] [the sound of a fork clinking on a glass is heard. Attention in the room turns to a distinguished gentleman, the dean, standing at a dais] Dean: And now let's give a warm alumni welcome -- you know, clapping -- to Springfield U's all-American kicker, Anton Lubchenko. [applause as Lubchenko steps up to the podium] Lubchenko: In Old Country, growing up in filth, Lubchenko dreams to play U.S.A. football. On my father's deathbed, he made me promise -- [Dean clears throat and makes "wind it up" gesture] Long story short: Go Springfield U! Dean: Yes, thank you Anton. Now folks, a seven and five football season doesn't come cheap, and this is a fund-raiser. Homer: [in terror] Ah! Dean: Seal the exits. -- "Faith Off" % The doors close and lock, and the Dean walks through the room with a % sack. The alumni "donate" watches, jewelry, and other valuables. % When Homer balks, "Professor Rocko" and "Chancellor Knuckles" % relieve him of his excess money, until there is enough money to fund % the school's glee club. Homer: I'm beginning to think this alumni party was just a ruse to get our money. Benjamin: That Dean is going to get an indignant e-mail. Doug: You should do it with bold, red letters. Gary: My computer has 512 shades of red. Homer: Have you nerds forgotten everything I taught you? This calls for a prank. I need ... [thinks] a bucket. -- Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, "Faith Off" % Under the cover of darkness, the nerds watch as Homer liberally % applies super glue to the inside of a bucket. Homer: [giggles evilly] Oh, this is going to be so great. [scene cuts to a security room, where two guards watch Homer on a security monitor] Guard 1: I think I know that guy -- he ran over the Dean five years ago. Punch up that picture. [second guard displays a photo of Homer, about to swallow a goldfish, on the monitor] All right, now age the picture five years. [the photo grows a long beard. The fish rots down to its skeleton] That's him! Good work. Now, let's see who's having sex in the library. [second guard switches to the library, but all they see is static] Guard 2: Ah, they scrambled it. -- "Faith Off" % Back at the Dean's house, Homer goes to set the glue-filled bucket % up so it will fall on the Dean when he opens the door. He gets a % taste of his own medicine when *another* glue-filled bucket falls % onto him. The boys from Kappa Gamma Tau fraternity ("Last in % grades, first in pranks") claims responsibility and runs away. The % Dean walks calmly out of his house and bids good evening to Homer % and the nerds, as though finding a man with a bucket glued to his % head was a common occurrence at Springfield U. Homer charges the % Dean but, unable to see, finds a statue instead. % % Next morning, the family tries to pry the bucket off Homer's noggin. Bart: [tries to pull the bucket off, but fails] Sorry Dad, it just won't budge. Marge: I tried greasing the bucket with bacon fat, but your father kept eating it. Homer: Couldn't you try a non-delicious fat? [breaks down] Oh, there's no such thing! -- "Faith Off" % Dr. Hibbert holds out little hope for a recovery since, beneath the % bucket, Homer is "more glue than man." He suggests that Homer, like % other victims of comedy traumas, can lead a rich, full life. To % prove his point, he pulls open a curtain to reveal three "truamedy" % victims. One man drinks a glass of water, but the liquid squirts % out of him like a sieve. Another man with a dog clamped to the seat % of his pants walks on a treadmill. A third man stands nonchalantly, % reading a book while impaled on a swordfish. He waves to Dr. % Hibbert. Homer wants to see the men, but the bucket prevents him % from doing so. % % At home, Bart and Homer try to fix that problem. He directs Bart to % carefully drill two eyeholes in the helmet. % % With two holes successfully drilled, Homer takes his family out for % a drive. It's kind of hard to drive when you can only see through % two small holes in a bucket, so Homer eventually drives through a % cornfield and into a ditch. He exonerates the bucket from blame. % % The family gets out of the car. It seems that Homer has unwittingly % shepherded his flock to an old-fashioned revival meeting. Brother % Faith's revival, to be exact. Announcer: [as upbeat music plays in the background] ... for the healing love of Brother Faith! Faith: Oh, Good Lord! [audience cheers] Oh, I feel it in my belly now, Springfield. Unh! Can you feel the power? Audience: Yes! Faith: Do you want to be saved? Audience: Yes! Faith: Now correct me if I'm incorrect, but was I told it's untrue that people in Springfield have no faith? Was I not misinformed? [miscellaneous mumbling sounds from the audience] The answer I'm looking for is, "yes." Audience: Yes! Faith: [singing] Now let's hear it, For the Holy Spirit. No need to fear it, Just revere it. He works in Heaven, That's a 24-7. That's right. Check the Bible! Yeah. John 2:11. Jump back! Feel it! Feel it! Whoo! Bart: Wow, he dances better than Jesus himself! -- Nothing like that good old-time religion, "Faith Off" % A line of people waits to be healed by Brother Faith. Faith: What ails you, my son? Cletus: I done sprained my elby-bone, so it goes in the oppositty direction. Faith: The power of faith compels you -- Heal! [lays a hand on Cletus' forehead, and yanks his arm back in the right direction] Take that, Satan! Bart: It was a miracle, and it was gross! Cool! -- "Faith Off" % It's Krusty's turn next. Faith: What affliction be-plagues you, my friend? Krusty: [whispers hoarsely] Faith: Come again? Mel: He paralyzed his vocal cords cramming too many "k" sounds into a punchline. Faith: Oh, mercy, well I'm not sure there's anything I can do for-- [suddenly grabs Krusty by the throat] Feel the power! [strangles him a bit] Release this clown! Krusty: Have you gone completely ferkakta? Hey! I got my comedy "k's" back. King Kong, cold-cock, Kato Kaelin. Hey, you Gentiles are all right! [kisses Faith in gratitude] Bart: Wow, is there anything he can't do? -- "Faith Off" % Homer implores Brother Faith to cure him. Homer: Cure me! Cure me! Faith: Brother, I sense that you are feeling trapped and desperate. Homer: Yeah! And I got a bucket on my head. [Faith tries to pull it off, but no luck] Faith: Oh, my, Satan really jammed that thing on good. I'm going to need a holy helper. Someone who believes. [looks at Lisa] Lisa: No. Faith: Okay, movin' on. I need someone with the power. [sees Bart] This golden-haired little boy. Son, lay hands upon your father's burdensome bucket. [Bart does so] Now proclaim: "I have the power." Bart: [weakly] I have the power. Faith: No, say it like you mean it, boy. I ... have ... the power! Bart: [like he means it] I have the power! [lifts the bucket off Homer's head. The crowd gasps] Homer: I see the light! It burns. [covers his eyes] Faith: Hallelujah! Behold, this child has ... the power! [the crowd cheers] -- Miracles happen, "Faith Off" % Homer points out that he had hair before, but then notices them in % the bucket. He puts the hairs back on his head and tries to smooth % them out. % % [End of Act One. Time: 7:41] % % The revival has wound down, and Brother Faith puts up his snakes in % their cages for the night. Bart walks backstage to ask him a % question. Bart: Excuse me, Brother Faith? I've gotta know -- how did you *really* get the bucket off my Dad's head? Faith: Well, I didn't, son. You did. God gave you the power. Bart: Really? Huh. I would think that He would want to limit my power. Faith: [laughs] Oh, yes, Lord. When I was your age, I was a hellraiser, too. [holds up Bart's slingshot] My slingshot was my cross. But I saw the light, and changed my wicked ways. Bart: I think I'll go for the life of sin, followed by a presto- change-o deathbed repentance. Faith: Wow, that's a good angle. [contemplates for a second] But that's not God's angle. Why not spend your life helping people instead. Then you're also covered in case of sudden death. Bart: Full coverage? Hmmm. -- Pragmatic faith, "Faith Off" % Bart relates his tale of faith and redemption to the masses. Bart: ... then I said, "I have the power," and the bucket came off. [kids murmur appreciation] Ralph: Can you heal me? I can't breathe good and it makes me sleepy. Bart: I'll give it a whirl. Devil ... begone [slaps Ralph] Ralph: Ow! [two coins fall out of his nose] My milk money! [milk spills from his nose] And my milk. Kids: Ew. Milhouse: You did it, Bart. Nelson: He really does have the power. [to the kids] Go forth and spread the word. [nobody moves] [shakes his fist] Spread it! [everyone goes forth quickly] -- Go forth, or he'll smite your ass, "Faith Off" % Lisa is still skeptical. Lisa: Bart, I hope you don't believe your own hype. Bart: Number of miracles performed by Bart: Two. Number of miracles performed by Lisa: Zero. Lisa: How can you believe all this mumbo-jumbo? The bucket came off Dad's head because the bright lights heated it, causing the metal to expand. Bart: Heat makes metal expand. Now who's talking mumbo-jumbo? -- "Faith Off" % In the kitchen, Homer struggles to come up with a good idea for his % homecoming float, but all he could think of was to create a flip- % book cartoon of Moe dancing the hula. Lisa suggests he try % something school-related, and Homer draws Superman fighting % Godzilla. % % That Sunday, Reverend Lovejoy delivers one of his powerfully boring % sermons. Lovejoy: In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul instructed them to send ten copies to the Thessalonians and the Ephesians. But the Ephesians broke the chain, and were punished by the ... Bart: I've got two words for this sermon: [makes snoring noises] Lovejoy: Am I boring you, Bart? Bart: Well, to be honest, yes. Lovejoy: Hey, I'm doing the best with the material I have. Bart: But church can be fun! [parishioners laugh] No, really, it can be a crazy party, with clouds and lasers and miracles. Homer: And chili fries! Bart: A real preacher knows how to bring the Bible alive, through music, and dancing, and Tae-Bo! [jumps into the aisle and begins Tae-Bo-ing] [parishioners cheer] Mel: He's kicking it old-school! Lovejoy: [to himself] Never give them an opening. -- "Faith Off" % But it's too late for second-guessing now; Bart is on a roll. His % friends appropriate an exterminator's house tent to use as a site % for Bart's revival. (Bart, in his infinite wisdom, instructs his % friends to air the tent out first.) % % Homer's float is taking shape in the driveway, thanks to Flanders' % flowers. Ned doesn't mind the loss of the flowers so much as the % fact that Homer salted the earth so nothing would grow there again. % % Bart's revival gets underway. Milhouse steps onstage to address the % sizeable crowd. Milhouse: Okay, Springfield! How many of you are in horrible pain? [crowd cheers] Then put your souls together for Brother Bart! [Bart skateboards in the tent and does a flip on to the stage. He catches the board as it falls from the air] Bart: [holding up skateboard] Satan, eat my shorts! [crowd cheers again] [singing] I was a sinner, a real bad kid. What thou shalt not, I shalt did. Neighbor's cat I tried to neuter, Took a whiz on the school's computer. Sherri + Terri: He took a whiz, oh, yes he did. Bart: But now I changed, you can't deny. Come on up, and testify. Sherri + Terri: Testify, testify, come on up and testify! Abe: My hip's misbehavin'. [Bart knocks his cane away] Hey! Sherri + Terri: Testify! Patty: Got a nicotine cravin'. [Bart slaps away the cigarettes] Sherri + Terri: Testify! Frink: Got a cramp in my glavin. [Bart kicks Frink's rump] Oy! Bart: Testify! All: Testify! Testify! [Bart dramatically holds up two lit Roman candles, one in each hand. The flames shoot off to his sides] -- "Faith Off" % The camera pans to Bart's old church, where Lovejoy faces pews that % are almost empty. Lovejoy: Perhaps it's time to fight razzle with dazzle. [produces a guitar, and tries to play it, inducing wicked feedback] Mi -- Michael row, row, rooow the boat ... Todd: Is he killing that guitar, Daddy? Ned: Yes, son. -- Hey! Thou shalt not kill, "Faith Off" % Back at the revival, Bart's rousing song continues. Milhouse: My glasses make me look like a geek! Bart: [takes them off and tosses them aside] Now you'll get the girls you seek! Sherri + Terri: We'll see you at Makeout Creek! Crowd: Bart's the boy of the hour, He's got the power. So raise your voice and don't be shy, Testi -- testi -- Crowd + Bart: Tes ... ti ... fy! Crowd: Testify, testify, come on up and testify! [cut to a shot outside the tent. Bart wipes his forehead with a handkerchief. Milhouse walks up] Milhouse: Thank you Bart for fixing my vision. Now I see with total precision. Bart: Song's over, Milhouse, but you're welcome. -- Testify! "Faith Off" % Milhouse's precise vision leads him to the middle of the street, % where he tries to get a dog to come over to him. Unfortunately, the % "dog" turns out to be a van. Milhouse is immediately flattened. % Bart rushes over to help his friend, and Milhouse croaks out, "Bury % me at Makeout Creek" before falling into unconsciousness. % % [End of Act Two. Time: 13:27] % % Bart visits his friend at the hospital. Milhouse's only evident % injury is a cast on his left arm. Bart: This is my fault. I'm so sorry. Milhouse: That's okay. You can just heal me again, right? Bart: Well, I don't think I can. Milhouse: Please? This cast is real itchy, and I tried to scratch and the fork got stuck in there and I think there was some food on the fork. [camera focuses on a line of ants marching into the cast] Bart: Ew. Okay, I'll see what I can do. [lays hands on the cast] Heal ... heal! [Milhouse's heart monitor flatlines, and Bart gasps] Milhouse: [calmly] Oh, it always does that. Here -- [thumps his chest, and the monitor resumes its normal beeping pattern] Bart: Milhouse, I can't help you. I am no healer. [leaves] Milhouse: Could you tell my Mom I'm here? -- "Faith Off" % The local news hypes up the big game. Brockman: Big game fever is reaching a fever pitch as the fevered rivalry between Springfield U. and Springfield A&M spreads like wildfever. [looks offstage] This is writing? Intern: I'm sorry Uncle Kent; I lost my thesaurus. Brockman: [mutters] "My thesaurus" ... you'll lose more than that. [normal voice] In preparation for the big game, Springfield Stadium has caught additional seating capacity fever. [wads up the paper from which he's reading in frustration] Rrrgh! -- Bad news-writing fever, "Faith Off" % In Moe's tavern, Homer taunts Lenny and Carl, who are A&M alumni. % Lenny tries a comeback, but its effectiveness is questionable. % % Finally, it's game day. Whoa, Nellie, we have ourselves a barn-burner here today! Welcome to the 117th dust-up between the Snortin' Swine of Springfield A&M and the Springfield University Nittany Tide. Ho, ho, doctor, break out the hickory switch! -- Game Announcer, "Faith Off" % Not one to be bound by tradition, Homer has taken the tailgate % barbecue from it usual spot in the parking lot and moved it to the % stands themselves. Homer: Okay, who needs another lamb rack? Lisa? [offers her some meat] Ham hock? Tri-tip? Lisa: Do you have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered? Homer: Well, I think the veal might've died of loneliness. -- Cautious optimism, "Faith Off" % Springfield U's star player gets ready to kick off. Well, hang on to your hoop skirts, folks, because Anton Lubchenko is going to be kicking higher than a mule on payday. [Lubchenko kicks the ball. It is a long, high punt] Oh, land o'lakes! Take that, ozone layer! -- Game Announcer, "Faith Off" % A&M's kick returner catches the ball, but it hits him with such % force that he's buried in the end zone. Several SU players pile on. % Homer leaps from out of nowhere and lands on top of the pile. % % Lubchenko kicks a field goal for the first score of the game. Marge: Wow, he should have his foot insured by Lloyd's of London. Homer: [drunkenly] Oh, you just know what everyone should do, don't you, Marge? -- As it turns out, yeah, she does, "Faith Off" % The sound of the referee's starter pistol signals the beginning of % halftime. (The score is now SU, 18, and A&M, 7.) Homer suddenly % remembers he has to drive his float. The crowd obligingly passes % him down to the field. % % Bart and Lisa wait in a concession line somewhere in the stadium. % Lisa, apparently not convinced the veal died of loneliness, is % convinced she can get some tabouli there. Captain McAllister sees % Bart, and asks if the can heal his depression. Bart tells him that % he can't help him. As the Captain retreats, Bart confides to Lisa % that he thought the McAllister "had it all." % % On the field, halftime floats and singers create a tribute to % halftime itself. As the floats leave, the players retake the field. % Suddenly, Homer drives onto the field with his float, "A Salute to % Hazing." The crowd boos this interloper, distracting Homer just % long enough to plow into Anton Lubchenko. The crowd gasps in % horror. Lisa looks downcast and sympathetic. "Dad has the worst % luck when he's drinking." % % Dr. Hibbert quickly is on the scene. When he touches Lubchenko's % leg, the man screams in pain. Things look grim. Homer looks on % from the sideline. Homer: Oh, I only wanted to show my school spirit. [Fat Tony walks up, and grabs Homer] Tony: I wagered a large sum on the performance of that scholar athlete. [produces an icepick with a laser sight, and points it menacingly at Homer] Homer: No, wait! I got a kid who's a miracle worker! He'll heal him up real good! Tony: Well he'd better, or else. Homer: Or else what? [Tony holds up his weapon] Oh, right, the icepick. -- "Faith Off" % Homer, "encouraged" by the sight of Fat Tony on the stadium's jumbo- % vision, begs Bart to work his healing magic on the injured player. % Bart agrees to try. % % In the locker room, Dr. Hibbert gives Lubchenko his diagnosis. % Homer and Bart watch. Hibbert: Son, I'm afraid that leg is hanging by a thread. Lubchenko: Lubchenko must return to game! Hibbert: [chuckles] Your playing days are over, my friend. But, you can always fall back on your degree in ... [reads chart] communications!? Oh, dear Lord! Lubchenko: I know! Is phony major. Lubchenko learn nothing. Nothing! [cries] -- Should've majored in recreational management, "Faith Off" % Bart asks God's help, not just for his sake, but for his father's. % Then he lays his hands on Lubchenko's leg and commands him to heal. % % Back on the field, the score is Springfield U, 18, and Springfield % A&M, 20. Announcer: Oh, doctor, with SU behind and seconds left, my supply of homespun sayings is lower than a doodlebug in Aunt Tilly's root cellar. So we'll -- [Lubchenko hobbles back onto the field] Oh, jumpin' crawdaddies! Is that Lubchenko coming back on the field? [crowd cheers, and the camera cuts to Marge and Lisa] Lisa: Bart did it. And they're going to try for a field goal. Marge: Field goal, hmm? [counts on her fingers] Nineteen ... twenty ... twenty-one [gasps] That would win the game! -- Marge Simpson, football tactician, "Faith Off" % Springfield U. lines up, and with everybody -- the fans, Homer, % Bart, and Fat Tony -- watching, kicks the ball. At first, looks % good, but it some becomes obvious the ball will fall short of the % goal post. Suddenly, Lubchenko's foot kicks the ball again. The % good news is that this extra boost gets the ball through the % uprights for the needed field goal. The bad news is that the foot % is no longer attached to Lubchenko's body. % % Everyone is exultant, except Lubchenko when he realizes that half % his leg is missing. In victory, Fat Tony tosses his icepick in the % air, and then remembers that what goes up must come down. % Meanwhile, on the field, SU fans pick up Lubchenko's leg as a % victory souvenir. Homer: Poor guy -- he lost his leg. Hibbert: Oh, no, no. The fans will whoop it up with that leg tonight -- you know, drink beer out of it and so on -- but, uh, it'll turn up in the morning, and I'll sew it back on. Marge: Will that really work? Hibbert: Well, I assume so -- as long as I have Bart's healing powers. Bart: Why won't anybody listen to me? I don't have any special powers. I am not a healer! Hibbert: Fine. More money for me. -- The Hibbert-cratic oath, "Faith Off" % [End of Act Three. Time: 20:08] ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {aa} Angela Anuszewski {al} Andrew Levine {ba} Brian Ashbaugh {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {cg} Curtis Gibby {cj} Carl Johnson {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {ds} David Sibley {er} Evan Ross {hl} Haynes Lee {jc} Jeff Cross {jg2} Joe Green {jk} Joe Klemm {jp} Jerry P. {mm} Michael Morbius {mr} Matt Rose {nb} Nate Birch {reg} Richard E. Green {rk} Ray Kassinger {th} Tony Hill {th2} Tiffany Harding {tpl} T. P. Liang ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by Springfield University. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.