Little Big Mom                                        Written by Carolyn Omine
                                                     Directed by Mark Kirkland
==============================================================================
Production code: BABF04                   Original Airdate on FOX: 18-May-1999
Capsule revision A (30-Apr-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [If you use these summaries to determine if you found the right capsule,
   here's a TV Guide-like synopsis:  Lisa is left to be the mother of the
   house when Marge is injured on a ski trip.  Alas, Homer and Bart prove to
   be more than her match.  Elwood Edwards guest-voices.  -- Ed.]

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:     I WILL NOT CREATE ART / FROM DUNG

Couch:          The Simpsons are now a family of crash test dummies.  They
                find their place on the couch, which is thrust forward into
                the television.  The couch is then reeled slowly back to its
                original position.  Homer's neck is apparently weakened by the
                trauma, and his head rolls off his shoulders.

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... the rating of TV-14-V?  [{bjr} notes, "That's been the most restrictive
       rating the show has received in some time" -- Ed.]
   ... Poochie has arisen from the dead?
   ... before he hits on Marge, Disco Stu tries to make time with Mrs.
       Krabappel?
   ... Lisa imitates both Burns' catchword and his mannerisms?  [{cd} adds,
       "which is funny because Burns had leprosy once (in 3F10)."  Also, see
       "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

Wilson Banswell:
   ... this was the first episode in a while that has an I&S in it?

Nathan DeHoff:
   ... Lisa still has her computer?

Don Del Grande:
   ... Itchy let three of the Scratchy clones live?
   ... Mr. Sakamoto's accent sounded like a Japanese/Mexican cross?
   ... Lucy left out the names Carter (from "Here's Lucy") and Barker (from
       1986's "Life With Lucy") when she mentioned her character names?

Cal Dogma:
   ... the picture of Scratchy about to be cut in two by a laser ala
       Goldfinger (also spoofed in 3F23)?
   ... the bazooka in Itchy's closet alongside predominantly medieval weapons?
   ... that Bart knows of the cloning debate?  [See "Comments" section for
       more? -- Ed.]
   ... Flanders is still in good shape (must still power walk)?
   ... that Homer, once again, exhibits homo-erotic attractions?

Curtis Gibby:
   ... the Toon Times says "Itchy News" and costs 10˘
   ... the Goodwill truck driver started in second gear?  (unless his truck
       has reverse in the first position, then first gear right below it)
   ... it's 5 p.m. when the clock falls on Marge?
   ... Disco Stu and Mr. Sakamoto both refer to themselves in the third
       person?
   ... there really is a leper colony in Molokai, Hawaii?  (One of my friends
       comes from the town, and he vouched for it.)  [See "Comments" section
       for more -- Ed.]

Joe Green:
   ... Homer apparently took ski lessons offscreen?
   ... Disco Stu drinks brandy?
   ... the ranger is even more concerned with animal rights than Lisa is?
   ... Springfield Presbyterian looks like every other hospital in town?
   ... Ned and Maude broke up once?

Tony Hill:
   ... the house has an old-fashioned lock?
   ... Plan B is for Homer, rather than the kids, to escape through the dog
       door?
   ... the flash cube in the junk box was for a 126 camera?
   ... a mountain goat as OFF ascends on the chair lift?
   ... even the female deer (d'oh!) charges Lisa?
   ... Homer rates hospitals in this order: Jewish, Protestant, Catholic,
       public?
   ... Springfield has at least four hospitals?
   ... Homer and Bart are the only lepers in the colony?

Darrel Jones:
   ... Homer apparently likes Bread?
   ... the ranger who saves Lisa is also the one helping Marge find her kids
       in [4F10]?

Joe Klemm:
   ... in the couch gag, dummy Maggie's pacifier resembles the crash test
       dummy symbol?
   ... the bags under Lisa's eyes when she calls Marge?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Poochie has long black hair like David Silverman?
   ... Marge has a hairy leg just like Patty and Selma?  [shudder]
   ... the is the first y2k (2000) copyrighted episode?

Cole Mamakin:
   ... Bart can recognize Steven Tyler or at least that Aerosmith performed
       the song "Sweet Emotion"?  (Maybe he met them when they played Moe's)
       [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]
   ... how incredibly talented Snowball II is?  He can balance on ball on dry
       land and now water!
   ... Dolph is anywhere w/out Kearny and Jimbo?
   ... Bart should be at least moderately good at snowboarding since he's a
       good skateboarder?
   ... did they dub in Marge's "who's Disco Stu" line from "Two Bad Neighbors"
       'cos to me, it sounds EXACTLY alike ...

Damian Penny:
   ... the ski resort is called "Mt. Embolism"?

Evan Ross:
   ... the Goodwill truck is empty except for OFF's junk?
   ... Marge gets her hair massaged in the hospital?
   ... Maggie is hardly seen in this ep.?

Leo Tokarski:
   ... Bart didn't seem to think he would get the electric needles?

Jeremy Vitrano:
   ... Homer's head falls off in the couch gag?
   ... this was not the lodge's first clock accident?
   ... Disco Stu and Mr. Sakamoto utter the same line: "... wants you to be
       comfortable while he does his thing")?
   ... Snowball II balancing on a ball in the water?
   ... the cops had been called on Homer for disturbing the peace?
   ... Flanders was wearing oven mitts?
   ... Flanders' bandage had smiley faces on it?
   ... Homer doesn't pick up the money after the cab speeds away?
   ... Marge and Lisa were wearing leis?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Itchy, Homer, Disco Stu, Medic 2)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Todd Flanders)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Truck driver, Ranger, Mr. Sakamoto, Snake 1, Snake 2, Moe,
        Taxi Driver, Director)
   - Harry Shearer (Scratchy, Ski-lift operator, Ned Flanders, Ski instructor,
        Otto, Medic 1, Hibbert, Fred [?])

- Special Guest Voices
   - Elwood Edwards (Virtual Doctor  {jr})
   - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel)

- Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Rod Flanders)
   - Tress MacNeille (Dolph, Nurse, Lucy)
   - Marcia Mitzman-Gaven (Maude Flanders)
   - Karl Wiedergott (Rick)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "Little Big Man" (movie)
      - title a spoof [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

   + "Sensations" art exhibit  {wb}
      - Bart's chalkboard punishment refers to making art of dung; the exhibit
        had a controversial painting featuring elephant dung  [See "Comments"
        section for more -- Ed.]

   + "The Tears of a Clown" (song)
      - title parodied by Itchy & Scratchy as "Tears of a Clone"

   + the 1996 cloning of Dolly, the sheep, in Scotland  {al}
      - he newspaper article Itchy reads  [See "Comments" section for more --
        Ed.]

   + "Goldfinger" (movie)  {pm}
      - like James Bond, Scratchy strapped to table and threatened with a
        laser

   - "Multiplicity" (movie)  {cd}
      - rapid fire, unscientifically possible cloning

   - "Toy Story" (movie)  {bcs}
      - the way Homer retrieves the junk is very similar to a scene from this
        movie

   ~ "Simpsons" comics  {bcs}
      - Homer miraculously retrieves junk

   ~ "Rocko's Modern Life" (TV show)  {bcs}
      - the way the ski lift goes through the clouds is similar to an episode
        of this show

   + "Puss in Boots" (story)  {bjr}
      - Ned addresses Homer as, "Schuss-in-boots"

   + "ABC Wide World of Sports" (TV series)  {dp}
      - Homer's fall from the ski lift is similar to the famous "Agony of
        Defeat" opening sequence from this program

   + "Disco Lady" by Johnnie Taylor (song)  {dp}
      - Disco Stu sings variations on this 1976 hit

   + "Sweet Emotion" (song)  {dj}
      - "Sweet Emotions" cereal inspired by this 1975 Aerosmith song

   + "I Love Lucy" (TV series)
      - Homer and Bart watch the show downstairs while Lisa tries to sleep
      - the "Itchy & Scratchy" episode is similar to a famous "Lucy" episode
        where Lucy has to keep up with a fast conveyor belt of candy ["Titled
        'Job Switching' and first broadcast on 15 September 1952," writes
        David Brunt -- Ed.]  {dp}
      - Lucy's ghost returns to tell Lisa how to get revenge on Bart and Homer
        {dp}
      - her character on this show is Lucy MacGilicuddy Ricardo  {ddg}

   + "The Lucy Show" (TV series)  {ddg}
      - Ball's character on this show is Lucy Carmichael

   - Quaker Oats (brand of oatmeal)  {ddg}
      - Lisa makes the leprosy sores from "Good Old Oats", which is in a
        suspiciously similar box

   + "SimCity" (computer game)
      - the evident inspiration for SimSandwich  [See "Comments" section for
        more -- Ed.]

   + America Online (online service)
      - Virtual Doctor sounds like the guy who says, "You've got mail!"  [See
        "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]
      - His "Goodbye" is the same, too  {th}

   + "Night of the Living Dead" (movie)  {cd}
      - Homer and Bart reach through the mail slot, calling out, "brains!"

   - "Ben Hur" (movie)  {hl}
      - religious-themed movie Maude saw behind Ned's back

   + Hawaiian marriage law
      - "gay guys getting married" is a tourist attraction, evidently    [See
        -- you guessed it -- "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- When Reindeer Attack  {hl}
   - [3F03] Maggie nearly eaten by herd of goats and llamas at petting zoo.
   - [3F07] Reindeer growl and rear at the kids.
   - [4F11] Homer rammed multiple times by herd of reindeer.

- Marge leaves, house falls apart  {dp}
   - [7F20] Homer and Marge go to the church retreat, and Bart has a big party
   - [8F14] Marge goes to Rancho Relaxo, and Homer ends up losing Maggie
   - [9F20] Marge ends up in jail for shoplifting
   - [1F03] Marge goes joyriding with Ruth Powers, and Lionel Hutz ends up
            babysitting
   - [3F01] Marge and Homer go off to some relaxing spa, leave Abe to baby-
            sit, and the kids get taken away  {ja}
   - [4F06] Marge and Lisa go to clean the oil off the baby seals
   - [4F13] Both Marge and Homer leave ... Lisa baby-sits for Bart and he runs
            amuck  {kf}

- [7F16] Marco Polo is played  {dj}
- [8F08] Aerosmith is seen  {dj}
- [8F16] Flanders appears without his mustache  {th}
- [9F07] Molokai island and its leper colony referenced  {pb}
- [9F19] "My skin!  My beautiful skin!" cf. face  {th}
- [1F14] Homer runs after a moving vehicle  {jg2}
- [1F15] Snowball II rides a ball  {th}
- [3F02] Someone answer the door while wearing a decontamination suit  {jg2}
- [3F03] Lisa's vegetarianism  {dj}
- [3F03] Lisa being mobbed by the "friendly cute" deer was reminiscent of the
         scene where Maggie was mobbed in the petting zoo  {kh}
- [3F09] Marge asks the question, "Who's Disco Stu?"
- [4F10] the forest ranger is the same ranger from "Mt. Useful"  {dp}
- [4F10] Marge rides a ski lift  {jg2}
- [4F11] A Simpson is attacked by deer  {jg2}
- [4F12], [AABF01] Poochie appears  ["Obviously, a legally binding contract
         means nothing to Krusty," writes {bjr} -- Ed.]  {jg2}
- [AABF01] Last Itchy & Scratchy segment  {dj}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Various ways Itchy kills Scratchy  {cg}

    - Pistol
    - Machine Gun
    - Chain Saw
    - Mace
    - Curved sword
    - Anvil
    - Killing Machine

- Sign at the ski resort  {bjr}

     MOUNT
    EMBOLISM

- Ski trail signs  {bjr}

    * THE
    * WIDOWMAKER  >

    *
    * SPINEBUSTER >

    * COLOSTOMIZER >
    *

- Cereal box  {bjr}

    [ GF ]
    [logo]
    SWEET EMOTIONS
    CEREAL
           [Steven]
           [Tyler ]

    "Sweet Emotions" printed on a wavy line

- Leper colony welcome sign  {bjr}

          MOLOKAI
        LEPER COLONY

     WELCOME LEPEROUS
    KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS

- Counter on the electric needle hut  {bjr}

      NOW
    NEEDLING

     +-+-+
     |0|1|
     +-+-+

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
+  Poochie appears, even though he is "killed off" on [4F12].  {dj}

=  The living room is farther from the front door in the first scene than
   usual.  {th}

+  I see the Simpson's house's doors open outward now. That's how Marge was
   able to "wedge" them closed, preventing Homer and the kids from following
   her outside.  {aw}

*  Why oh why did Homer run through the pet door first when he is so big and
   fat?  {hl}

*  After Homer jumped out of the truck, he rolled *away* from the vehicle
   (towards Marge) after jumping out of the truck.  Simple physics would
   dictate his roll in the direction of his motion relative to the stationary
   pavement.  {cb}

*  Chair lifts aren't engineered to carry people down.  [{bcs} adds, " a
   friend of mine was in a body cast for months because she didn't get off the
   lift in time." -- Ed.]  {th}

*  Since deer are plant-eaters, they don't have the teeth that are shown when
   they threatened Lisa.  {jk}

=  Flanders at first is too tall in his ski suit.  {th}

+  For a guy who was so afraid of homosexuals Homer had a tough time
   forgetting about Ned and his snowsuit.  {cm}

*  If Homer fell off the ski jump and landed right by the chair lift ... then
   where would he end up if he went off the jump?

+  The clock hits Marge's left leg, yet she grabbed her right leg, and her
   right leg was the one in the cast.  {jv}

+  Dr. Hibbert wasn't at the normal hospital.  {wb}

*  How could a bone from someone's leg end up in their brain?  {jg2}

*  An IV tube doesn't have enough pressure to squirt.  {th}

*  Lisa didn't go to school with Bart.  ({nd} writes, "Okay, so this wasn't
   really a goof, since it was meant as part of the joke, but I for one think
   it might have been even funnier if, after her 'my boys' comment, she had a
   moment of realization, and started running after the bus" -- Ed.)

=  How did the water in the house disappear?  {ddg}

*  Why would Lisa use green poster paint to fake leprosy?  Wouldn't brown or
   red be more realistic?  {lt}

*  Why would the Flanders' front door have a peephole when the door is ringed
   by windows?  {th}

*  Moe knows OFF's phone number?  Shouldn't he then be able to figure out who
   keeps pranking him?  {er}

+  Marge loses her cane when she first enters the house.  {er}

*  The taxi driver managed to make his tires squeal on a dirt road.  {bjr}

   Marge did not have her cane in Hawaii?  {jv}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Arup Baral:  Though this wasn't nearly as funny as those of seasons past, it
   stands out against the incredibly bad episodes so far this season.  The
   plot was pretty recycled, and the electric needle thing was a bit
   grotesque, but the episode did have its fair share of laughs.  Hope this is
   the stepping stone out of the pit of bad episodes that began this season.
   Poor episode overall, but the laughs kept coming  (B)

Rich Bunnell:  This one started out really excellently -- the new writers
   certainly know how to start a show, and the Goodwill stuff was hilarious
   (along with what has got to be the funniest Itchy & Scratchy they've ever
   thrown at us) -- but the problem is that they don't know how to take the
   plot anywhere plausible.  A hilarious plot was running along, then they had
   to shove in that crap about going to an island leper colony.  Why can't
   they write a single structurally-sound episode anymore?  And with the way
   Maude's voice is sounding now that Maggie Roswell is gone, I'm glad they're
   killing her off soon.  (C+)

Nathan DeHoff:  This was a decent episode.  It had plenty of amusing moments,
   but few downright hilarious ones.  It seemed to be a fairly random mix of
   ideas (although they fit together better than some other recent episodes),
   but most of them were pretty funny.  The leper thing kind of came out of
   nowhere, but could you really think of a better way to have worked that
   into a Simpsons plot?  (I guess they didn't have to use it at all, but it
   was fairly well-done.)  Some of it didn't make much sense, though (Why did
   Lucy's ghost come to help Lisa?), and there may have been a bit too much
   slapstick.  (B-)

Don Del Grande:  This had all the makings of a "Lisa and Marge manage to undo
   yet another mess Bart and Homer got themselves into" episode, or maybe a
   "Lisa tells them they don't have leprosy before they really do something
   stupid like get themselves infected for real", but instead it followed one
   twist with another and something other than a "definitive happy ending".
   (A-)

Yuri Dieujuste:  An interesting plot where Lisa "steps up" as the role of
   caretaker of the family.  A The episode was well written and executed in a
   slightly realistic manner.  I'll admit that the episode wasn't perfect
   (e.g. scene in which Homer and Bart fight with interferon).  Plus the I&S
   cartoon was a nice to see even though it was not up to the higher standards
   of older I&S shorts.  (B)

Curtis Gibby:  I loved this episode.  I watched it first by myself, and had a
   few good chuckles.  I watched it again with some friends, and we were
   rolling! ("Yay!  Imagination Christmas!" and "You've got leprosy!" and
   Marco Polo and a million other things)  It seemed more like a ton of jokes
   strung together than an actual story, but I didn't really mind.  I think
   that Act I was the best, with good characterization and great humor.  The
   most unfunny and most confusing scene was when Lucille Ball visited Lisa,
   followed closely by the Lisa/Moe telephone conversation.  (A-)

Joe Green:  Pretty much an average episode, IMHO.  It could have been far
   worse, though, showing that OFF has been making a comeback in terms of
   writing during Season 11.  (B)

Tony Hill:  This was a funny and unpredictable episode, even if it didn't stay
   with the same plot from start to finish.  The two separate medical subplots
   were funny, and it was grand irony the way Marge broke her leg at the ski
   resort.  Altogether I'd give "Big Little Mom" an  (A-)

Carl Johnson:  I've said this about several episodes, but my opinions usually
   change on them. But this was by far the worst episode in the history of The
   Simpsons.  I don't think any other program will be able to top this one.
   Lisa's irresponsibility is glaring, and the story focuses too much on
   stupid and tasteless jokes, making it very unlikable.  I, on the other
   hand, have many a good point, and got a raw deal by watching the entire
   thing.  I actually feel sorry for myself, instead of Lisa.  My father was
   sleeping through "The Simpson's"  funeral, and cracked an appropriate joke
   after it.  ("You wasted 30 minutes of my time, Carl. And I want them
   back!")  And I LAUGHED at it.  This is perhaps the single most tasteless,
   cruel, cold-blooded moment in OFF's history.  The Marge-hospital-massage
   subplot was pointless and unfunny, as well.  Let's hope this one is played
   few times in syndication, and buried as a "Lost Episode." [Did you ask
   Ondre for permission to use that? -- Ed.]  (D-)

Darrel Jones:  Eeh, another week, another episode.  Average.  Plenty of great
   gags (especially "Sweet Emotions" and the appearance of Lucy's ghost), but
   the ending was a little unsettling.  (B-)

Andrew Levine:  This episode starts off very nicely, with what may be -- dare
   I say it? -- the best I & S short ever.  The plot is quite coherent and
   believable, although some of the tangents -- the vicious deer, the
   acupressurist -- are distracting and unfunny.  The whole "Bart and Homer
   make life hell for Lisa" concept was driven too far into the ground without
   anything really creative, and too many jokes seem obvious and no-brainer.
   Still, "Little Big Mom" is ultimately greater than the sum of its parts.
   (B-)

Ondre Lombard:  For the most part, I enjoyed this episode.  It was a silly
   domestic romp that I could really relate to, and in which no one was really
   offensive in any particular way.  (The worst jokes for Homer for a change
   were him needing someone to dress him, and that stupid nonsense with the
   chore-choosing hat.) My hugest complaint is that the leprosy thing gets out
   of hand, and causes the episode to veer off course into the land of
   outrageousness.  I imagine there might've been a more down to Earth, less
   pointless way to resolve the situation at home.  Anyway, Season Eleven is
   shaping up to be not as irritating as I might've first expected.  (B)

Michael Nusair:  Overall, I liked tonight's episode.  It's definitely been a
   while since the last Itchy & Scratchy, so I thought it was a good way to
   start off the show (but didn't Poochie die on the way back to his home
   planet?). The whole skiing bit was pretty good too, especially Homer's
   reaction to Flanders' outfit.  "Stupid sexy Flanders!"  It was also nice to
   see Disco Stu, but, he sounded a little different to me.  [...]  Also, I
   liked Homer and Bart's interaction when they were standing at the door in
   the morning, about to leave.  Overall, I'd say tonight's episode certainly
   wasn't a classic, however it was definitely funny and entertaining.
   Probably one of the better episodes this season.  (B)

Chris Palm:  After watching this, I immediately thought "My Sister, My Sitter,
   Part 2".  Lisa has to take care of family members by herself, she gets
   really pissed off by them, and ends up doing something really stupid.  And
   no, this doesn't mean this episode was bad at all.  One of the best this
   season, in fact.  The return of Itchy & Scratchy, Disco Stu, minimal
   wackiness, the hilarious scene at Ned's house, a plot that flows smoothly,
   and everyone being pretty much in character land this one at an  (A-)

Damian Penny:  This is the third -- or is it fourth? -- episode in which Marge
   leaves the household, leaving the rest of the family to (unsuccessfully)
   take care of the housework for a while.  I couldn't help thinking they've
   gone to this well a bit too often.  Still, this one had enough funny scenes
   -- especially Homer's reaction to Flanders' ski outfit -- to make it
   worthwhile.  In any case, any episode with this much Disco Stu can't be all
   bad.  (B)

Evan Ross:  The first act was extremely well written.  I can't remember the
   last ep. in which almost _every_ joke made me laugh out loud, even though
   the sudden ski-trip was weird.  This is how a Simpsons ep. should be!  No
   more of "Homer's New Wacky Job", but a full ensemble show.  Even though, I
   still don't find Marge funny, and certain jokes nearly crossed-over into
   "My Sister, My Sitter."  (B)

Eric Sansoni:  Here is yet another forgettable episode no better than a
   derivative, unimaginative fanscript.  Most disappointing is how the plot
   descends into a collection of non sequiturs, with none of the logic needed
   to keep us interested or make us laugh.  The overdone slapstick skiing
   scenes and brain-dead characterizations of Homer and Bart bring the show
   one step closer to a children's cartoon.  Well-done Marge characterization
   and one wonderfully funny Lisa moment ("Excellent") aren't enough to redeem
   the uninspired, dull storyline.  The use of the absurd Lucille Ball
   appearance as a device for Lisa's character motivation, more than anything
   else here, shows the desperation and lack of discipline of the writing
   staff.  (C)

Leo Tokarski:  Little Big Mom proves to me that the writers can still find new
   things to mock in the warped mirror of our lives that is The Simpsons.  The
   ski trip was certainly overplayed in the ads, though, but the "Imagination
   Christmas" more than made up for it.  Overall, one of the best episodes
   I've seen in a while.  (A-)

Jeremy Vitrano:  This episode started off very strong with a hilarious and
   long overdue Itchy and Scratchy episode, and the skiing scenes in the first
   act was very funny as well (Otto teaching the boys to snowboard, for
   instance). But it got weaker from there.  The whole leprosy bit felt a
   little weird, and didn't they ever visit Marge in the hospital again?
   Having Disco Stu speak twice in one season was a pleasure though--he's
   great! And Ned was pretty funny too (stupid sexy Flanders!).  (B-)

Yours Truly:  I don't think Carolyn Omine and friends set out to make another
   "My Sister, My Sitter," and the truth of it is that they didn't.  Instead,
   the writers don't focus as tightly on Lisa as they did in the earlier
   episode, and play things mainly for laughs.  The episode starts and
   finishes well -- I liked the new "Itchy & Scratchy" short and the scene
   where Homer and Bart try to get help from Flanders -- but the middle sagged
   a bit.  Overall, a fine and gutsy debut from writer Omine.  (B+)

AVERAGE GRADE:  B- (2.76)   Std Dev.: 0.9093   (27 reviews computed)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Musical References

Don Del Grande:  Flanders' doorbell plays "Bringing in the Sheaves."  (In a
   past episode, it was "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God")


Tony Hill:  "Aloha Oe"


>> "Little Big Man"

Cal Dogma summarizes the movie:  This episode gets its title from the movie
   "Little Big Man."  This is a 1970's film starring Dustin Hoffman.  It
   follows the life of a man who is adopted by Native Americans at a young
   age, leaves, becomes a gunslinger, then ends up as an aide to General
   Custer, who ends up slaughtered by the same Native Americans that raised
   Mr. Hoffman.


In case anyone was wondering about the real-life figures behind the title,
   Evan Ross explains:  Crazy Horse was a Lakota tribesman who led his men in
   numerous raids against the U.S. Army in the 1850's.  Indian prophecy stated
   that he could never be shot by a U.S. bullet.  That was true; he was
   finally turned in to the U.S. Army by a Lakota traitor, Little Big Man.


>> I WILL NOT CREATE ART FROM DUNG

Tom Restivo explains the story behind Bart's blackboard gag:  This was
   inspired by "Sensation" art exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum of Art.  The
   tour included, among other things, Chris Ofili's painting, "The Holy Virgin
   Mary," featuring the Virgin Mary decorated with elephant dung.  Rather than
   ignore it as bad art, a Catholic watchdog group protested the exhibition.
   Mayor Guliani tried to cut public funding for the Museum in retaliation,
   but the courts reinstated the funding in the name of the 1st Amendment.
   The show ended up a runaway success.

   The show closed the same day this episode premiered.


Benjamin Robinson adds:  Ofili decided to augment his painting, done in the
   style of tribal art, with elephant dung and cutouts of naked butts from
   porn magazines.  [...] Curiously, people complained almost exclusively
   about the dung, but not the butts -- perhaps they were okay with this?


Meanwhile, Benjy Shyovitz notes:  This reminded me of an item I once saw in a
   catalog called "poo pets", sculptures of animals made of cow dung.


>> "Tears of a Clone"

No need to cry over this, says Cal Dogma:  Bart's comments are indicative of
   society.  Few people understand cloning, and therefore fear it.  I,
   personally, do not fear it.  Clones already happen all the time naturally.
   Identical twins are clones of each other.  Ever hear of miraculous
   conceptions?  That's natural cloning too. People fear it because they think
   it'll erode individuality.  But that's not true.  The genes do not make a
   person.  It only sets up biological limits.  Genes, contrary to popular
   belief, cannot make you smart, or a dedicated athlete, or a good worker,
   nor can they determine your interests and hobbies.  Those are all things a
   person has to develop from learning, trial and error, and just plain
   growing up!  Cloning is not a technology to be feared, and has numerous
   beneficial byproducts to us as a species.


Daniel McConnell rebuts:  That's not a universally accepted idea.  various
   twins studies actually contradict you.


Haynes Lee points out other roadblocks:  Last week, a science study hit a wall
   in the theory of cloning.  Four eggs from the same sheep were used in an
   attempt to make four perfect clones of that sheep. But all four lambs
   looked different and had different temperaments.  It's suspected that the
   donor egg material from the host mother also contributed to the DNA makeup.
   Thus the only perfect clones are still Mother Nature's identical twins.


>> Homer Sez: Increase your wordiness

Curtis Gibby provides us with definitions from <http://m-w.com/>:  Colostomy:
   surgical formation of an artificial anus

   Embolus:  an abnormal particle (as an air bubble) circulating in the blood


>> "Hey, look!  It's the drummer from Bread!"

Aerin Caputo:  My favorite line from last nights show was "look there's the
   drummer for bread", the ruse Bart uses to keep him off the ski lift.  This
   is doubly ironic, because I don't think they had a drummer.  Bread were a
   bunch of hippies in the early 1970s with long hair and beards, and they
   scored great commercial success with hits such as "make it with you" and
   "guitar man."  The members of bread probably all smoked a lot of pot, and
   are credited for getting many a young man laid in the 70s.  Considered many
   a pioneer in crappy soft rock, their legacy is heard over the PA systems in
   many fine retail establishments. Although their beards are gray, and share
   fewer than 10 brain cells between them, Bread tours alongside nationally
   recognized acts such as Starland Vocal Band and Three Dog Night on the
   Indian Casino circuit.


Darrel Jones:  Actually, according to "Joel Whitburn's Top Pop Singles 1955-
   1996" (an excellent musical info resource, BTW), the members of Bread were
   David Gates (vocals, guitar, keyboards), James Griffin (guitar), Robb Royer
   (guitar), and Jim Gordon (drums).  The drummer Bart was talking about was
   probably Jim Botts, who replaced Gordon after the group's first album.


Dean Humphries notes that Botts technically wasn't a replacement drummer,
   since Gordon was a temporary figure from the beginning:  Actually, Jim
   Gordon is one of the all-time great studio drummers, it would be impossible
   to post even a small list of his accomplishments. Just say that he played
   drums on about a few thousand hit records from the sixties to the present.
   I'm sure that he was strictly the drummer for that album and never played
   with them outside the studio.  This was one of the few times where Gordon
   played a session (which for him this album was) that he agreed to take part
   in a group photo.


>> And the best hospital is ...

Yuri Dieujuste:  The writers comment on the level of care in hospitals is
   somewhat true. Hospitals run by the Catholic Church are usually for
   emergency care and the poor.  Hospitals associated with the Presbyterian
   church (or an other Protestant denomination) offer more expensive care (and
   sometimes better care) than Catholic hospitals and offer family planning
   services that Catholic hospitals cannot provide.  Above them are the Jewish
   hospitals which offer the latest medical techniques and the highest costs
   for service.


Cal Dogma:  I forgot to add that there has been a bit of controversy lately
   because religious health organizations have been buying up the health care
   market.  That may be the reason all the hospitals mentioned were of
   religious affiliation.


>> You've heard the song, now eat the cereal!

Cole Mamakin:  "Sweet Emotion" is of course a song by Aerosmith, written by
   Steven Tyler and Tom Hamilton.  It was off the album "Toys in The Attic"
   can be found in pretty much any compilation album Aerosmith did, as long as
   it was released by Columbia, with the exception to a live version found on
   "A Little South of Sanity" which was released in October of 98 by Geffen.
   The song is basically about Joe Perry's wife Elyssa and Steven's feelings
   towards her.  Which weren't good. But I'm surprised Bart could recognize
   Aerosmith.


>> From the makers of "Virtual Doctor"

Nathan DeHoff:  "SimCity" was a popular computer game that involved running a
   virtual city.  It spawned numerous sequels, including "SimEarth,"
   "SimFarm," and "SimAnt."  Maybe "SimSandwich" isn't too far off.
   ["turtle25" says, "'Sim Earth' and company aren't really sequels because
   they work on different ideas (SimCity 2000 and 3000 would be sequels)." --
   Ed.]

   There are seven "Dragon Quest" games in Japan, made for the FamiCom, Super
   FamiCom, and PlayStation.  These are fairly standard fantasy role-playing
   games.  The first four were brought to the American Nintendo Entertainment
   System, and called "Dragon Warrior."  [Andrew Ryan Chang notes, "I thought
   the seventh (first one for the PSX) wasn't available yet in Japan." -- Ed.]

   I believe that "SimCity" was made by Maxis, and "Dragon Quest" by Enix, so
   that still leaves open the question of who developed "Virtual Doctor."


François Ferland adds:  DragonQuest is an old RPG Nintendo game created by
   Enix that came out around 1985. [...] I don't think the writers were
   thinking about it when they put this in the intro of the virtual doctor
   ("... from the makers of SimSandwich and DragonQuest"), they probably just
   wanted to invent a D&D-style name.


>> You've got [insert your own joke here]!

If you think you've heard the Virtual Doctor's voice before, you're right.
   Justin Redd writes:  It seems no one knows who Elwood Wdwards portrayed
   [this episode].  When one glances at the information given by the Internet
   Movid Database, we take note that the only other role he's taken is on
   "You've Got Mail" as the "You Got Mail" electronic voice for AOL.

   After watching the episode over again, there's that scene where Lisa
   diagnoses Homer and Bart on a Virtual Doctor Computer Program.  It's my
   guess that Elwood Edwards played the voice of the Virtual Doctor, as the
   "You've got leprosy" sounds a lot like his "old work."


>> Oh, Tressie, you got some 'splainin' to do

Joe Klemm:  This isn't the first time Tress McNeille has done her version of
   Lucille Ball. That honor goes to the "Weird Al" Yankovic song "Ricky".  A
   parody of Toni Basil's Mickey, the song is a tribute to the classic "I Love
   Lucy" series, with Al as Ricky and Tress doing Lucy.  The song appears in
   Al's self titled album, and the music video is featured in the Weird Al
   Video Collection, which is available on VHS and DVD.


>> Unclean!  Unclean!

Cal Dogma:  [Leprosy] is a neurological disease.  It was once thought to be
   caused by filthy conditions, and was believed to be transmittable.  That
   accounted for why Lepers were confined to special "colonies."  The disease
   is actually genetic, and unfortunately incurable.  It does not cause green
   sores though.  It causes breakdown of muscular tissue, which can lead to
   numbness, and therefore infected sores, but not green patches.


Benjamin Robinson:  Victims of the disease would be shunned by society, partly
   out of repulsion and partly to prevent the rest of the village or tribe
   from being infected.  For most of history, Hansen's disease [the modern
   name for "leprosy"] has been a big deal.  It even shaped religion:  The Old
   Testament has long sections devoted diagnosing and isolating sufferers, and
   Jesus' willingness to reach out to lepers was held up as an example of the
   ultimate in righteousness.

   Victims of Hansen's disease, as you might imagine, held a low place in
   society.  That, and the inherent risk of contracting the disease, made
   helping them a saintly thing to do.  Religious groups would found leper
   colonies in remote areas, dedicated to lending comfort and dignity to these
   people.  One such institution, the Molokai Leper Colony, still exists
   today.  Advances in treatment and prevention have made Hansen's disease
   extremely rare, at least in Western society. Memories of such people are
   starting to fade, and today "leper" is more often used as a figurative term
   meaning, "outcast."  Today, the closest analog to Hansen's disease, in
   terms of the reaction it gets from people, might be AIDS.


Tony Hill adds about the Molokai colony:  In fact, a separate county was
   created to house the colony.  Kalawao County is still the smallest county
   in area in the U.S., although it no longer has a government.


Haynes Lee:  Leprosy takes at least six months to develop which is not in the
   time frame of the episode.  [Of course, Homer and Bart probably don't know
   that -- Ed.]  Homer and Bart are more likely to catch something nasty like
   hepatitis from filthy living conditions


Paul Berglund explains Marge's "horrible cream soda" comment:  Hansen's is, or
   at any rate used to be, a soda/fruit juice brand.  I remember it from when
   I lived in California.  I don't recall having seen it in the east.


>> Ex-cel-ent

Lisa's "excellent" is part of a long tradition, states Nathan DeHoff:  I think
   this is the first time Lisa has ever done that.  Other characters who have
   used Burns's "Excellent" (some of them even before Burns used it, I
   believe) are Adil in "The Crepes of Wrath," and both Bart and Homer in
   "Principal Charming."


>> Housework sucks

Tyson Russell:  For those of you who recorded tonight's episode, take a look
   at the approx. 5 sec shot of Lisa vacuum.  Being a former Kirby salesman
   like so many others out there, I noticed that the Simpsons vacuum look
   strikingly similar to a Kirby (model G5).  If that was the intent of the
   writers/animators I say GOOD WORK.  If this is true it just goes to show
   how insightful most of the writers are and how they translate that to their
   joke writing.  Another note, those vacuums run for about 2400$ Canadian
   (1800 $ American) so if the Simpsons own one that is another demonstration
   of the fluid Simpsons wealth.  One day they own a top of the line vacuum,
   the next they are shopping at Outlet Malls.  [Probably because they spent
   all their money on vacuums -- Ed.]  This makes me wonder how much Homer
   makes as a nuclear (pronounced noo-clee-er) safety technician because it
   sounds like you'd make a lot of money with that profession but it's portray
   as low paying on the Simpsons.


>> Wedding Bells

Cal Dogma:  What racial integration was to the 50's and 60's, gay marriage
   will be to the 90's and 00's.  It is a travesty of human decency that only
   two states (Hawaii being one) will legally recognize them.  In California
   there is a ballot initiative (that I'm actively working against) that will
   explicitly outlaw them, and prevent gay marriages from out of state from
   being recognized.  [This initiative has since passed -- Ed.]  Anyone that
   says marriage is "holy" union needs to learn about human social evolution.
   Marriage was never about religion, and that we use that as an excuse to
   prevent a certain group of people from marrying is just horrible!  Well, we
   can rule out Vermont being a place Springfield resides (that being the
   other state that observes gay marriage).


Darrel Jones responds:  Sorry to burst your bubble, but Hawaii won't recognize
   them either.  An anti-gay-marriage initiative was added to the state
   constitution in 1998, and the state supreme court recently ruled the
   initiative valid and part of the state law.  Hawaii won't recognize gay
   marriage any more than any of the about 30 other states that have passed
   anti-gay-marriage laws.


>> Miscellaneous, Etc.

The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is:  Lisa's Last Stand


Tony Hill:  Bread was a soft-rock group popular from about 1970-77, so it's
   curious that Bart knows anything about it.  [{nd} responds, "Homer probably
   lectured him about Bread, along with Grand Funk Railroad."]


Tony Hill:  Lucy's character was Lucy MacGillicuddy Ricardo in "I Love Lucy,"
   Lucy Carmichael in "The Lucy Show," Lucy Carter in "Here's Lucy," and Lucy
   Barker in the short-lived "Life with Lucy."


Haynes Lee:  Interferon was once considered a wonder drug in the 1980s but
   never lived up to medical studies.  [Actually, I think it's still valuable
   in treating certain cancers.  It's just not the broad cure-all people hoped
   it would be -- Ed.]


Benjy Shyovitz:  Candy in a cell phone actually exists.  It's little pieces of
   candy inside a plastic cell phone


==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary  {bjr}
==============================================================================
% Scratchy, Springfield's favorite animated feline, is no more.  Other 
% characters from the I&S universe, including Poochie, file past his 
% coffin to pay their last respects.  Itchy takes the demise of his 
% nemesis especially hard, paging through a scrapbook of all the good 
% (good from Itchy's point of view, at any rate) times the two had 
% shared.
%
% Itchy sheds a tear, but then notices a newspaper headline.  
% Scientists have successfully cloned a sheep.  Suddenly, Itchy gets 
% an idea.  If a sheep can be cloned from a DNA sample, why not a cat?  
% Getting some of Scratchy's blood from a cleaver, Itchy builds a 
% cloning machine.  With the blood sample, the machine is soon 
% cranking out new Scratchies.  Itchy dispatches several of them in a 
% variety of gruesome ways, but isn't able to keep pace with the 
% machine.  Inspiration strikes again, and Itchy builds a killing 
% machine.  Placed directly in front of the cloning machine, the new 
% Scratchies are fed directly into it, where they meet their end.  
% Blood from the killing machine splashes onto Itchy's wall, forming 
% the words, "The End.
%
% Everyone in the family is enjoying the cartoon, except for Marge.  
% She's skulking around the corner, trying to avoid the attention of 
% the others.

Marge:	[to herself] Okay, here goes ... [walks quietly toward the 
	door, carrying a large box]
	[the rest of the family continues to look at the 
	television]
Bart:	Cloning is a troubling issue.
Homer:	I like the ones where the mouse kills the cat.
Lisa:	[not looking away from the TV] What's in the box, Mom?
Marge:	This box?  Oh, nothing.
Bart:	Are you sure?  You sound nervous.
Marge:	Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic 
	turmoil you read about in the -- [hurriedly opens the 
	door]
Homer:	Get her!  She's doing something!
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Marge rushes outside with the box and wedges the front door closed
% from the outside.  The family looks out the window and is horrified
% to see a Goodwill truck.  Marge is going to give their precious,
% precious attic junk away!
%
% With the exits sealed, Homer goes to plan B -- crawling through the
% doggie door.  Unfortunately, he's too big to fit, so the kids help
% force him through.  Finally, the wood framing gives way, and Homer
% makes it through, wearing the doggie door for a belt.
%
% The truck driver pulls away, but Homer catches up to the truck and
% retrieves the box.  He jumps out, and rolls back down the street,
% trying heroically to keep the box upright and off the pavement as he
% goes.
%
% Back home, the Simpsons gather around the hard-won box.

Homer:	That was scary.  We came this close to losing our spare 
	Christmas tree stand.  [to Marge] You monster!
Bart:	Look, there's the box for my Pitch Back.  If I still had 
	it, I could put it in here.
Marge:	[sighs] We'll never get rid of this useless junk.
Homer:	Useless?  This flash cube has two flashes left.
Marge:	You guys never use any of this stuff.  Look at these -- 
	[holds up a pair of skis] -- you bought them after the 
	Nagano Olympics, and never skied once.  If you would stop 
	being so impulsive, maybe --
Homer:	Hey, let's go skiing right now!
Bart +
 Lisa:	Yay!  Let's go!  Etc.!
Marge:	[resigned] Ooooh.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% So, off they go to Mt. Embolism.  The Simpsons stand in the chair
% lift area.  The lift manager instructs them to keep their eyes on
% the continuously-moving chairs.  Bart plays a little joke on his
% father by pointing off in the distance and shouting, "Look, Dad,
% it's the drummer from Bread!"  When Homer tries to spot him, the
% chair knocks him down.  A second chair swoops by and hooks Homer's
% ski.  He begins the journey up the mountain by hanging precariously
% by one foot from the chair.  A snow-throwing machine covers him in
% fine powder, while an exhaust blast from a snow truck thaws him off.
%
% Marge isn't having a much easier time of it.  Fearful of the height,
% she's relieved to find that the lift is approaching the top of the
% mountain.  Alas, she was really approaching a false peak -- the lift
% continues up the mountain to the *real* top somewhere above the
% cloud line.  Bart "helpfully" tries to rock the chair to soothe
% Marge.
%
% At the top of the mountain ...

Lisa:	[getting off the chair] See, Mom?  You conquered your 
	fears and now you're ready to --
	[camera pans to show Marge riding the lift back down the 
	mountain]
Marge:	I'm sorry!
-- Perhaps next time, "Little Big Mom"

% Standing in front of a sign listing the names of ski trails, Homer
% looks for one posing a suitable challenge.

Homer:		Hmmm, "The Widowmaker?"  Oh, that one's for the 
		ladies.  "Spinebuster?"  Boring!  Ooh, 
		"Colostomizer."
		[a man in downhill ski outfit and a full-face helmet 
		skis up to Homer, startling him]
		Don't hurt me!  Here's my wallet!
		[the man lifts his helmet visor -- it's Ned 
		Flanders]
Ned:		Hi-diddily-ho, schuss-in-boots.
Homer:		[gasps] Flanders!?  That's suit's a little 
		revealing, isn't it?
Ned:		Well, it allows for maximum mobility.  Feels like 
		I'm wearing nothing at all.  [wiggles butt at Homer]
Homer:		[covering face with his hands] Quit it!  Must wash 
		eyes!
		[begins to drift down the slope, backward]
		Uh-oh.
		[turns around and picks up speed]
		Okay, don't panic.  Remember what the instructor 
		said.
		[a thought bubble forms, with the instructor inside 
		it]
Instructor:	If you get in trouble, all you need to do is --
		[the image of Flanders pushes aside the instructor]
Ned:		Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all ... nothing at 
		all ... nothing at all.
Homer:		Oh, stupid sexy Flanders.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Homer's legs splay further apart, so he's skiing down the mountain 
% spread-eagled.  He thinks this is the worst pain ever.  That is,
% until he reaches the moguls.  The little mounds bash him repeatedly
% in the family jewels.  He skis off the path and down the ski jump,
% where he falls off the side and face first into the snow.  At the
% bottom, Homer saves face by nonchalantly hopping aboard the ski
% lift.
%
% Elsewhere on the mountain, Lisa struggles with cross-country skiing.

Lisa:	[panting for breath] So hard ... but so rewarding.  
	Downhill skiers missing fun -- oh, who am I kidding?
	[Lisa sees a family of deer frolicking in the snow]
	Wow, what a perfect scene!  This was so worth it.
	[the deer look at Lisa] Don't worry, little friends.  I 
	won't hurt you.  [the deer growl menacingly]
	Eep.  [the deer give chase]
	Help!  [runs away; trips and falls down.  As the deer come 
	in for the kill, a park ranger shows up on a snowmobile]
Ranger:	Leave those deer alone!
Lisa:	But, they were trying to eat me!
Ranger:	Heh!  Those deer?  [the deer have returned to their 
	peaceable foraging]
Lisa:	But they --
Ranger:	Come on, I'll drop you off at the lodge.
	[Lisa climbs aboard the snowmobile, and the two drive off.  
	Lisa looks back at the deer, and the growl at her]
-- Why is this girl an environmentalist?  "Little Big Mom"

% Bart goes to snowboarders' class.

Dolph:	Whoa!  Phat five-forty!
Nelson:	I'm gettin' aggro on this kicker!
Bart:	Stomp that jiggle revert!  [?]
Otto:	Excellent!  [camera pulls back to reveal that the boys are 
	just standing around]  Your lingo is progressing nicely.
Bart:	Can I go to the bathroom?
Otto:	Uh, uh -- say it in snowboard.
Bart:	Um, I've got to blast a dookie?
Otto:	Dook on!
-- Radical, "Little Big Mom"

% Even though Marge is ensconced in the ski lodge, she faces hazards 
% of her own.

Stu:	[to self] Snow fox at five o'clock.  [singing to self, as 
	he walks to Marge] Movin' in, show that I'm, Disco Lady.  
	[to Marge] Is this seat taken?
Marge:	Uh, I think that's an armrest.
Stu:	[sitting down] So, do you party?
Marge:	You mean like a hats and noisemakers kind of party?
Stu:	Sure, baby, whatever your trip is.  Disco Stu wants you to 
	be comfortable while he does his thing.
Marge:	Who's Disco Stu?
Bart +
 Lisa:	Hey, Mom!  [they run up to her]
Marge:	Hi, pumpkins.
Stu:	Kids?  [singing to self] Back away, not today, Disco Lady.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Homer joins Marge and the kids.

Lisa:	[to Marge] Have you been here all day?
Homer:	You missed all the fun.
Marge:	Skiing fanny-first into a crevasse isn't my idea of fun.  
	The only risk I'm taking is running out of marshmallows.  
	[laughs.  A heavy clock falls from the wall onto her leg]
	Ow!
Homer:	Somebody get a doctor!
-- At least she has plenty of marshmallows, "Little Big Mom"

% Two men rush up and bemoan yet another clock accident.  They mount
% the clock precariously back on the wall, and sidle off.
%
% Soon, Marge is loaded aboard an ambulance.  The sign on the front
% reads, "DOWNTOWN GENERAL"

Homer:	[to ambulance driver] I want my wife to get the best 
	treatment money can buy!
	[driver changes sign to, "BETH ISRAEL"]
	Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Don't go nuts.
	[driver changes sign to, "ST. MARY'S"]
	Eh, better than that.
	[driver changes sign to, "SPRINGFIELD PRESBYTERIAN"]
	Perfect.
	[the ambulance speeds off]
Stu:	Yeesh, I can't believe she went home with those guys.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% [End of Act One.  Time:  7:27]
%
% At Springfield Presbyterian, Dr. Hibbert pronounces his diagnosis.

Hibbert:	Well, as you can see, you have a compound fracture.  
		The leg must remain motionless, otherwise, a hunk of 
		bone could zoom right to her brain.  [chuckles]
Marge:		I can't be in the hospital.  Tomorrow's laundry day.  
		And I've got to de-meat Lisa's bologna.
Homer:		We'll be fine, honey.  The main thing is for you to 
		get better.
Bart:		And don't worry, all the laundry and dirty dishes 
		will be there when you get back.
Lisa:		No, they won't.  We'll all pitch in on the 
		housework.  Right, guys?  Guys?
		[the guys aren't listening; they're busy squirting 
		each other with a blue liquid from IV bottles]
Marge:		Sweetie, it's nice that you want to take charge 
		around the house, but don't be a hero.  Just make 
		sure your father eats all his meals over a tarp -- 
		but not the good tarp.  I want you to get married on 
		that some day.
Lisa:		Oh, Mom, I've seen what you do around the house, and 
		I can handle it.  Maybe I can even make things more 
		efficient.
Marge:		Oh, really?  Well, knock yourself out.  Just don't 
		expect any miracles from those two.
		[Bart and Homer continue fighting each other.  Dr. 
		Hibbert walks back into the room]
Hibbert:	Good Lord!  You're wasting thousands of dollars' 
		worth of Interferon!
Homer:		And you're interfere-on with our good time!  
		[squirts Hibbert in the mouth]
Hibbert:	[spits the liquid out] Well, I'll be!  That cured my 
		canker sores.
-- So it wasn't such a waste after all, "Little Big Mom"

% The next day, Homer shows up for breakfast in his underwear. 
% Apparently, one of Marge's little daily tasks is to dress her
% husband.  Later, Lisa tries to enlist her family to help out with
% the chores.

Lisa:	Okay, now we're going to draw jobs from the chore hat.  
	[holds up a hat with several slips of paper inside]
Homer:	[rooting around in the hat] Come on, bikini inspector.  
	[takes and reads a slip] Scrub toilet?  Okay, that was 
	practice.  [reads another slip] Practice.  [reads another 
	slip] Practice.  [reads another slip] Okay, here we go.  
	Feed fish.
Bart:	I'll supervise.
Lisa:	You know, the reason for the hat --
Homer:	Oh, it's a great hat.  No one's questioning the hat.
Lisa:	Will you at least do the dishes?
Homer:	Lisa, I'll do the dishes when I pick it out of the chore 
	hat, and it's not a practice.  [takes another slip] See, 
	there it is.  But that was a practice.  The system works.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Homer (or maybe Bart, who was supervising) devises a clever way to
% kill two birds with one stone.  He dumps a load of dirty dishes in
% the aquarium, and cajoles the fish to eat the leftover food off the
% plates.

	[a bus horn sounds]
Lisa:	Oh!  You're going to be late.
	[Homer and Bart wait by the door.  Lisa hands them each a 
	lunch bag]
	Here are your lunches, and no trading your fruit for 
	firecrackers.
Homer:	Oh, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets.
Lisa:	You stay away from Lenny.  And where's your sweater, Bart?
Bart:	It unraveled on a nail.
Homer:	That's not true -- he left it on the bus.
Bart:	You're dead, squealer!
Homer:	Aaah!  [the two run out of the house] Lisa, help!
Lisa:	Oh, those boys of mine.
-- Little sister knows best, "Little Big Mom"

% At the hospital, a nurse orders Marge to stop trying to clean the
% windows.  If Marge wants something, she should push the call button,
% which turns up her morphine drip.  Mr. Sakamoto, the accupressurist, 
% shows up to massage Marge's foot.  He wants her to relax while he
% "does his thing."  She relaxes, in a big way.
%
% Lisa sets up the dining room for an elegant meal.  The effort seems
% lost on the rest of the family, though.  Homer growls when Lisa
% tries to take a plate back to re-melt the cheese.  Lisa makes a
% quick trip to the kitchen to fetch slivered almonds for the green
% beans.  When she returns just seconds later, she finds an empty
% dining room, and nothing but dirty dishes on the table.  The family
% has reconvened in the living room, in front of the TV.  Lisa tries
% to carry on a little conversation, but has no luck.
%
% She doesn't have much luck cajoling Bart to do the dishes, either.

Lisa:	Bart, you were supposed to scour the pans.
Bart:	They need to soak.
Lisa:	You said that four days ago.  Look, they're rusted 
	through.  [holds a pan up, and looks through a huge hole 
	in the bottom.  The point of view shifts so we look 
	through the other side of the pan at Bart]
Bart:	[mock mysterious] It's an illusion.
Lisa:	No it's not!
Homer:	[walks in carrying groceries] I've got groceries.
	[puts bags down on the dining room table]
Lisa:	[taking things out of the bags] Maple soda?  A cell phone 
	full of candy?  Astronaut bread?
Homer:	It's the bread of astronauts.
Bart:	[looking at a box of "Sweet Emotions" cereal] I didn't 
	know Aerosmith made a cereal.
Lisa:	Dad, I gave you a list.
Homer:	Oh, yeah.  [reads list and laughs] You were way off.
Lisa:	[growls in frustration]
Homer:	[on candy-cell phone] Hello, Lollipop Island?  There's a 
	little girl here who had too many sour balls.
Lisa:	[grows and stalks off]
Homer:	Anyway, where were we?  Hello?  Hello?  They hung up.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Lisa calls Marge at the hospital.  Things are going great for Marge,
% who is getting her hair massaged by Sakamoto.  On the home front,
% the house is flooded in a couple feet of water.  Homer and Bart take
% advantage by playing "Marco Polo," but Lisa doesn't mention any of
% this to her mother.  Marge is in no hurry to get back home, and just
% as Lisa is about to ask for some help, she is cut off.
%
% That night, Homer and Bart watch "I Love Lucy."  Loudly.

Rick:	[on TV] Lucy!  [slapping noise]
Lucy:	Waaah.
Fred:	You hit her pretty hard there, Rick.
	[Homer and Bart laugh.  Upstairs, Lisa is desperately 
	trying to sleep]
Lisa:	[yells downstairs] Will you guys turn that thing down?
Homer:	Sweetie, if we didn't turn it down for the cops, what 
	chance do you have?
	[slapping noise from TV]
Lucy:	[on TV] Waaah.
Homer:	[laughs] He hit her again!
	[Lisa tries pulling her mattress to the door to block out 
	the noise.  Suddenly, a ghostly Lucy Ball appears]
Lucy:	Losing your marbles, huh, kid?
Lisa:	Lucy?
Lucy:	Lucy McGillicudy Ricardo Carmichael.  [coughs] And I think 
	there's some more.
Lisa:	What are you doing here?
Lucy:	I came from Heaven to help you get revenge on these bums.  
	Is there an ash tray around here?
Lisa:	[empties a pencil holder and gives it to Lucy]Will this 
	do?
Lucy:	[takes it] Thanks, doll.  Now, we need a scheme to teach 
	those slobs a lesson.
Lisa:	[giggles] You mean like when you hid inside the conga drum 
	to scare Ricky?
Lucy:	Hey!  Stay away from the drums -- that's my bit.  I got 
	it!  Here's what you do.  Wait until they fall asleep, 
	then you sneak into their rooms, and make sure they're 
	fast asleep because ... [her voice degenerates into a 
	buzzy whisper]
-- Creative problem solving, "Little Big Mom"

% Lisa puts Lucy's master plan into action.  She sneaks into the 
% living room, where her victims lie waiting, and mixes green poster
% paint with oatmeal with a brush.  With a devilish grin, she creeps
% closer ...
%
% The next morning, the boys' screams awaken Lisa.

Bart:		[offscreen] My skin!  My beautiful skin!
Lisa:		[giggles]
Homer:		[offscreen] Lisa, help!  [the boys burst into Lisa's 
		bedroom.  All their visible skin is covered with 
		green splotches] Oh, what's wrong with us?
Lisa:		Oh, I don't like the looks of this.
Homer:		You don't?  'Cause that's what I said.  Tell her, 
		Bart.
Bart:		Shut up, shut up!
Lisa:		Maybe I ought to check with the doctor.
		[Lisa, Bart, and Homer gather around Lisa's 
		computer.  She starts a program that displays a 
		medical logo -- the one with two snakes wrapped 
		around a staff]
Snake 1:	Welcome to "Virtual Doctor."
Snake 2:	From the makers of "Dragon Quest," and 
		"SimSandwich."
Snakes 1 + 2:	Enter symptoms now.
Lisa:		Let's see.  [types on keyboard] Crusty sores?
Homer:		Yes.
Lisa:		Horrible wailing?
Homer:		Yes, yes!
Lisa:		Any exposure to unsanitary conditions?
Bart:		Duh!  We're pigs.
Lisa:		[finishes typing] Okay.  And ... diagnose.  [pushes 
		a key]
Virtual Doc:	You've got:  leprosy.
Homer +
 Bart:		Leprosy?!  Aaah!  [point at one another] Unclean!
Bart:		Unclean!
Homer:		Unclean!  Help us virtual Doc!  Look at me -- I'm on 
		my knees.
Virtual Doc:	Goodbye.  [leaves the virtual office]
		[Homer and Bart whimper]
Lisa:		[to herself, Burns-like] Excellent.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% [End of Act Two.  Time:  15:06]
%
% Lisa's (or is that Lucy's?) plan is working like a charm.  Now, she
% must exploit the boys' fears.

Bart:	Why would God punish a kid?  I mean, an American kid?
Lisa:	Now guys, leprosy thrives in filthy conditions.  So your 
	only chance is to clean up the house.  I'll get you a 
	couple of mops.  [leaves]
Homer:	Mops?  The cure sounds worse than the disease.
Bart:	At Sunday school, they said the lepers were cured by some 
	bearded dude.
Homer:	Jesus?
Bart:	Yeah, that sounds right.
Homer:	Oh, I think were on the outs with Him.  But I know someone 
	who's even holier than Jesus.
-- John Lennon?  "Little Big Mom"

% Guess who that is ...

	[Ned Flanders' doorbell rings.  He answers]
Ned:	Hi diddily-ho, I [notices "leprous" Homer and Bart] Aah!  
	[slams door]
	[camera cuts to a shot through Ned's peephole.  Homer and 
	Bart, distorted through the fisheye lens, moan and claw at 
	the door]
	Maude!  Come quick!  The Simpsons are covered with 
	cooties!  [Maude walks to the door]
Homer:	Help us!
Bart:	We're diseased.
Maude:	Oh, no -- that's leprosy.  Remember those scary lepers in 
	"Ben Hur?"
Ned:	You saw "Ben Hur" without me?
Maude:	We were broken up then.
Ned:	Well, that's no --
	[Homer and Bart's arms reach through the mail slot.  Ned 
	and Maude scream]
Homer +
 Bart:	[zombie-like] Brains ... brains ...
Homer:	[cheerful] Use your brains to help us.  [zombie-like 
	again] Your delicious brains.
-- Night of the living stupid, "Little Big Mom"

% Ned wonders for a second what the Christian course of action would
% be, and then takes pity on Homer and Bart.  Wearing a makeshift
% "biohazard suit," Ned slowly opens the door.  Homer shows his
% gratitude by kissing a highly reluctant Ned.  Bart, hungry, runs
% into the kitchen, sees a gelatin mold, and plucks the fruit out of
% it with his bare hands.  Homer tells Bart to leave some for Rod and
% Todd, and offers a bit of the leftover gelatin to the boys.  Maude
% rushes in with a vacuum and sucks up the contaminated gelatin.  As a
% final caution, she tosses a match in the vacuum canister to
% incinerate the biohazardous material.
%
% Ned soon realizes he's in over his head.

Ned:	Uh, listen Homer, we'd love to help you, but we're not 
	really set up for lepers.
Homer:	So you're shunning us?
Ned:	No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  We're just thinking we can 
	send you to a better place.  You know, a place where they 
	really can take care of you.
Homer:	Oh thank you, good sir?  [kissed Ned]
	[Maude runs up with the vacuum cleaner, and vacuums the 
	moustache clean off Ned's face]
Ned:	Agh!  Ooh, that smarts.  [to Rod and Todd] Boys, get the 
	alcohol-free alcohol.
-- "Little Big Mom"

% At the hospital, it's time for Marge's cast to come off.  Hibbert is
% amazed at how much Marge's leg hair as grown in the week the cast
% was in place, and orders a thousand cc's of leg wax.
%
% With Homer and Bart off to parts unknown, Lisa is left to shoulder
% all the housework.

Lisa:	Lousy no-good lepers, making me do everything myself.
	[the phone rings; Lisa answers]
Moe:	Hey, uh, is Homer there?
Lisa:	No, he isn't.  I don't know where he is.
Moe:	I'm a little worried.  He usually stops in for an eye-
	opener on the way to work.
Lisa:	He told us he'd been going to the gym!
Moe:	[laughs nervously] Wow.  Anyway, you don't think he could 
	be at another bar, do you?  Because I couldn't take that.  
	I, I just couldn't, I [breaks down and cries] Don't hang 
	up on me.
	[Lisa hangs up on him]
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Marge comes home, and Lisa has to confess what she has done.  Marge
% isn't worried though; she figures Homer and Bart didn't go far.
%
% Smash cut to Marge and Lisa standing on the Flanders' doorstep. 
% Flanders is at the door, a big adhesive bandage conspicuously parked
% where his moustache used to be.

Marge:	Molokai?
Lisa:	You mean Hawaii?
Ned:	Mmm-hmm.  That's the one.  They've got a top-notch leper 
	colony there, so we shipped them right off.  Ooh, cost us 
	a bundle, too.  [to Rod and Todd] I guess we'll have an 
	imagination Christmas this year.
Rod +
 Todd:	Yay!  Imagination Christmas!
Todd:	I got a pogo stick.  [pantomimes using one]
Rod:	I got a hula hoop.  [pantomimes using one]
	[Marge and Lisa stare silently at one another.  Marge 
	makes the "crazy" gesture]
-- "Little Big Mom"

% Homer and Bart arrive at Molokai, and are entranced by the resort-
like atmosphere.

We'll take the cure, bag a few lobsters, then watch some gay guys get 
married.
-- Homer Simpson, "vacationing" at a leper colony, "Little Big Mom"

% The colony director welcomes Homer and Bart.  Bart asks if he can
% get a room with a view, and the director assures them they'll have a
% great view ... from the electric needle room.
%
% At the needle hut, Bart sits on a bench and enjoys the tranquil
% beauty of Hawaii.  The peaceful scene is marred only by Homer's
% painful screams as he undergoes the leprosy treatment.  A sign
% behind Bart reads, "Now needling: 01."  Hearing his father's cries,
% Bart says to himself that he's glad it's not him.  Then he looks at
% his own ticket, which reads, "02."
%
% Later, the pair sun themselves on the beach.  They turn over,
% revealing the bloody bandages that have been applied at their back. 
% Marge, Lisa, and Maggie, accompanied by the colony director, walk up
% to the pair.

Director:	Here they are.
Marge:		Oh, thank God you're all right.
Lisa:		Dad, Bart!  I played a horrible trick on you, and 
		I'm really sorry.  You don't have leprosy -- it's 
		just oatmeal.
Bart:		Yeah, we know.
Homer:		I figured it out after I ate one of my chest sores.
Marge:		Then let's get out of here.
Bart:		No way.  We scored a free Hawaiian vacation.
Homer:		This place is a blast.  All we have to do is endure 
		two hours of blinding pain, then it's nothing but 
		shopping and surfing.
Bart:		Tonight, we're going to put our fake sores back on, 
		then jump into Club Med and scare the normals.
Marge:		Well, it all sounds lovely, but --
Homer:		Come on, loosen up!  This is paradise!
-- Paradise found, "Little Big Mom"

% Marge and Lisa shrug, and sit on some beach chairs next to Bart and
% Homer.  An announcement over the loudspeaker directs Homer to report
% to the dermabrasion hut.  He goes, and we hear him belt out a
% version of "Aloha Oe" punctured by his screams.
%
% A Hawaiian theme plays as we fade to black.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time:  20:14]

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{al}  Andrew Levine
{aw}  Andrew Whyte
{bcs} Benjy Shyovitz
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{cb}  Chris Black
{cd}  Cal Dogma
{cg}  Curtis Gibby
{cm}  Cole Mamakin
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{dp}  Damian Penny
{er}  Evan Ross
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{ja}  James Allen
{jg2} Joe Green
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{jr}  Justin Redd
{jv}  Jeremy Vitrano
{kf}  Kap Fulton
{kh}  K. Hideky
{lt}  Leo Tokarski
{nd}  Nathan DeHoff
{pb}  Paul Berglund
{pm}  Paul Melnyk
{th}  Tony Hill
{wb}  Wilson Banswell

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson.  It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com).  All quoted material and episode summaries
remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox.  All
other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors.  The
Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2000 Benjamin Robinson.  This
capsule has been brought to you by Mt. Embolism Ski Resort.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie,
Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are
today.