Lisa's First Word                                        Written by Jeff Martin
                                                      Directed by Mark Kirkland
===============================================================================
Production code: 9F08                        Original airdate in N.A.: 3-Dec-92
                                                  Capsule revision C, 21-Jul-96
===============================================================================
> Title sequence
===============================================================================
Blackboard :- Teacher is not a leper.
              Teacher is not a le/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- Present, but exact notes unknown.

Couch      :- The family run on and do a chorus line.  They're joined by
              a line of Rockette-type women.  As the camera pulls back,
              the back wall of the living room is lifted up to reveal
              elephants doing handstands on one front leg, magicians
              pulling rabbits out of hats, and other assorted circus
              performers.  The music throughout sounds as though it's
              from a circus.

===============================================================================
> Did you notice...
===============================================================================
    ... Homer singing Cyndi Lauper?
    ... the clown bed is actually pretty well-constructed compared to
        other things Homer has made?
    ... Homer actually remembers that Walter Mondale won Minnesota?

Juha Terho:
    ... Bart's fantasy sibling looks like the baby on cover of Fretful
        Mother's?
    ... Lisa's facial expression after Homer and Abe hug?
    ... Sideshow Bob on the Krusty the Klown Show?
    ... the empty burger boxes surrounding Homer?
    ... the rattling noise the beads in Hibbert's hair makes?
    ... Bart still rubbing his arm from the vaccination?
    ... Marge's hips seem to sprout after Lisa was born?
    ... we hear all three kids' first words?
    ... Homer doesn't have any problems with Lisa's name as he does with
        Bart?

Dave Hall:
    ... SLH jumping through the hoop or the guys pulling "rabbits" out
        of hats in the couch scene?
    ... Marge didn't always wear her "family heirloom" necklace in 1983?
    ... baby Bart dives into Homer's belly, head first?
    ... the similar eating habits between Homer and baby Bart?
    ... baby Bart keeps a TV remote in his crib and knows how to use it?
    ... Homer has a "Playboy Bunny" key chain?
    ... in baby Bart's "baby brother/sister" fantasy, Marge appears as
        she is now with the exception of having shorter hair?
    ... the sound Bart's fantasy brother/sister makes as Bart wipes the
        spilt milk?
    ... the crack climbing up the wall from Abe's picture?
    ... Patty wears a red dress with blue necklace & earrings while
        Selma wears the opposite?
    ... Bart stops wearing diapers after the kitchen table discussion?
    ... the doggy door at the kitty house?
    ... the neat, clean, unspoiled shrubs & lawn at the kitty house?
    ... the shorter trees surrounding the Simpson house in 1983?
    ... Homer loses seven "cookie" rounds to Maggie?
    ... Maggie shoves the entire cookie into her mouth, and later burps?
    ... Maggie has teeth?
    ... Homer doesn't release his hold on Bart's neck during Ned &
        Todd's greeting?
    ... Homer doesn't use Ned's first name when Ned states his friends
        use it?
    ... the number of Krusty burger containers surrounding Homer as the
        family watches the Olympics?
    ... Krusty's sandwich is merely "meat flavored", as opposed to made
        of meat?
    ... Ned and his kids wave good-bye to Homer & Marge, but not Bart?
    ... Todd & Rod wear Sheik hats while Bart wears a turban?
    ... Ned's mother is senile?
    ... someone buys red roses for Marge?
    ... Homer reference to his butt being yellow?
    ... baby Lisa is a thumb sucker?
    ... how big Homer made Bart's "clown" bed?
    ... baby Lisa appears to be wearing the same necklace as she does
        now?

Dennis C. DeMars:
    ... when Maggie burps her pupils diverge and her lips flutter?
    ... Springfield 1983 looks like Brooklyn in the 1930's, complete
        with kids from the 1930's?
    ... Bart reverses his direction of spin on the clothesline?
    ... Bart-imagined baby looks cutely repulsive?
    ... Homer talks about making love to Marge twice a day, then about
        having Bart sleep in their bed for the next nineteen years?
    ... the car at Stinking Fish Realty has its front fender bashed in?
    ... the realty agent holds his nose with a handkerchief near the
        rendering plant?
    ... Homer licks his chops after imagining hog fat?
    ... Marge holds her nose after seeing the rendering plant?
    ... the grease stains on the walls at Grampa's house?
    ... Krusty is addressed as "K.C.", "Mr. K", and "Big K"?
    ... the TV announcers have jackets for channel 6
    ... the cities Jericho and Jerusalem in "Good Samaritan"?
    ... the Korean gymnast is number 171?
    ... the Swedish boxer has long blond hair?
    ... Lisa gets pearls in her second scene?
    ... little bitty locks of hair on the blanket after Bart cuts Lisa's
        hair?

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... the Spout Medley is made up of "I'm a Little Teapot" and "The
        Itsy Bitsy Spider"?
    ... the Bart-imagined baby looks quite similar to the baby Marge saw
        in the party in 7G04?
    ... Homer recalled "The Lucy Show" and not "I Love Lucy"?
    ... Ned Flanders' shirt says "I <heart> Webster"?
    ... "leper" on the blackboard is mentioned later in the episode?
    ... Bart has a Happy Little Elves doll?!  (Recall "The elves, the
        elves!")
    ... Bart calls Lisa "Lis" after she says her first word?

===============================================================================
> Voice credits
===============================================================================
- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Abe, scary clown, Krusty)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty, Selma)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Todd, Rod)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (realty agent, men at rendering plant, Krusty's yes
      man, Howard Cosell)
    - Harry Shearer (McAllister, Ned Flanders, Keith Jackson, Dr.
      Hibbert)
- Special Guest Voice
    - Elizabeth Taylor (Maggie [believe it or not - ed])
- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden (stickball kid, woman bearing boycott news for
      Krusty, Grandma Flanders)

===============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
===============================================================================

  + "The Wizard of Oz" {jt}
    - Bart saying "Go, my pretties!"
  + "Tennessee Tuxedo" {ah}
    - always says "Phineas J. Whoopie, you're a genius!" after Mr.
      Whoopie helps him with a new scheme (cf. "Homer J. Simpson, you're
      a genius!")
  + "Faster, Pussycat!  Kill, Kill!"  {rl}
    - probably the more coherent reference in Bart's line "Fly, my
      pretties!  Kill, kill!"
  + "Chariots of Fire" (Vangelis)
    - music in I&S Cartoon
    - slow motion shots of Scratchy running the marathon
  + Keith Jackson {dcd}
    - Olympic announcer is supposed to be him
  + Sylvester the Cat {jt}
    - "Sufferin' Succotash" is said

===============================================================================
> Previous episode references
===============================================================================
- [7G04] The "college fund" is referenced {rl}
- [7F13], [8F08] Drederick Tatum appears {rl}
- [8F10] Flashback opened with signs of the times from that period {rl}
- [8F15] "Forgery!  So he didn't have leprosy."  (cf. blackboard gag)
  {rl}
- [9F03] Homer admires "Where's the Beef?"  {rl}

===============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
===============================================================================
- Couch sequence: {dcd}
    - Two jugglers, each doing three balls, one set yellow, one set pink
    - Two elephants each balance on one front leg, then switch to other
      front leg
    - Woman trapeze artist goes from right trapeze to left, then back to
      right, then a second woman appears on the left
    - Two rabbits pulled by two magicians look dead
    - Two fire breathers emit huge flames
    - SLH's trick is incredibly lame -- he walks through the ring
    - Eight leggy showgirls with feathers jut out their bosoms at the
      end
    - Everyone ends with a fluorish
- Fretful Mother Magazine: {dcd}
    - Inside: Why baby can't read
    - (mother examines the baby with a magnifying glass)
- Video games: {jt}
    - Mumblypeg
    - Stickball
    - Kick the Can
- Final scene of I&S cartoon:
       Good Luck
     To Our Athletes
          From
    Itchy & Scratchy,
    Official Animated
   Cat And Mouse Team
         Of The
     1984 Olympics
   
- Toys in Bart's room: {dcd}
    - Dinosaur
    - Basketball
    - Piggy Bank
    - Space Mutants doll
    - Rolling duck with a stick
    - Another dinosaur
    - Happy Little Elves figure
    - Sword
    - Teddy bear
    - Rolling popping balls with a stick
    - Baseball glove
    - Scratchy doll
    - Radio

===============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
===============================================================================
The I&S title is missing the closing quotation mark.  {jt}

The baby bottle disappears from Marge's hand.  {dh}

Marge produces the magazine as if by magic.  {dh}

When Bart imitates Ed McMahon his mouth doesn't move.  {dcd}

A bathroom light switch appears as if by magic.  {dh}

Patty pulls the dollar out of thin air.  {dh}

The realty agent stands at the doorway, to Marge's right, but appears to
have come from a different direction when he runs to block the bloody
message from Marge's view.  {dh}

There's no means of getting on or off that houseboat.  {dh}

The glass of milk changes location on Abe's kitchen table.  {dh}

Homer, apparently, only learns of reverse psychology in 8F07 ("Cosby's
First Law of Intergenerational Perversity"), yet he knows about it in
1984.  {jt}

As Homer works in the garage, Bart's treehouse is visible.  {dh} [this
is because of recycled animation from 8F13 -- ed]

Krusty is illiterate in 7G12, which takes place in 1990; how is it he
can read in 1984?  {jt}

Homer's Krusty Burger containers disappear when Marge makes the
announcement.  {dh}

Bart, Todd, and Rod appear to be playing in the living room, but turning
his head, Bart appears to be looking out a second floor window.  {dh}

The blanket used to wrap Lisa changes color.  {dh}

Patty doesn't wear lipstick until she's about to kiss Lisa.  {dh}

Homer's soft-drink vanishes during Krusty's announcement about spitting
into every 50th burger.  {dh}

The wall plug changes corners during Bart's corner punishment.  {dh}

Baby Lisa stands a few steps into Bart's bedroom, yet when Bart leaves,
she's at the other end of the room.  And most of Bart's stuff seems to
have disappeared.  {dh}

Homer leaves the front room to put Maggie to sleep, but his exit isn't
towards the stairs.  {dh}

In 7G05, both Bart and Lisa are there when Abe is put in a home.  {dh}

In 8F06, Lisa's first word was "Da Da".  {dh}

===============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
===============================================================================
>> The couch scene

Juha Terho writes, "Matt Groening has stated that he wanted this couch
    sequence to be the best of all.  I didn't like it, perhaps because
    it was too long and poorly animated.  Anyway, MG seems to like it so
    much, that the couch sequence was recycled in three other episodes,
    9F13, 9F16 and 9F22.  (No other couch gag has been used for more
    than thrice.)"

>> "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"

Ricardo Lafaurie recognizes this as a token hit song of the 1980's (from
    1983) "by the omni-haircolored Cyndi Lauper.  She followed this with
    a few more hits from her album `She's So Unusual', but Lauper is
    indeed a figure of the '80s."

>> "Where's the Beef?"

Ricardo Lafaurie says, "Popularized by the Wendy's commercial, Walter
    Mondale, a Presidential nominee, posed this question to Gary Hart
    looking for some meat in Hart's campaign.  This boosted Mondale to a
    nomination (but he didn't win)."  The Wendy's commercial features an
    old woman (played by Clara Peller) on a boat yelling into a phone,
    "Where's the beef?!", implying that other hamburger chains' burgers
    don't have substantial amounts of meat in them.  It did well for
    Wendy's, the commercial did.

>> Maggie's first word?  Hardly!

Ricardo Lafaurie summarizes, "Some say that Maggie has spoken on `The
    Simpsons' before, but it can easily be rebuked.  Maggie's `It's your
    fault I can't talk!' in `Bart vs. Thanksgiving' was a figment of
    Bart's imagination.  `Moe' in `Flaming Moe's' was a hallucination.
    And Maggie `talking' in `Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?' was
    thanks to Herb Powell's baby translator (which probably was
    successful for a few weeks and then flopped, apparently.)
    
    But on `The Tracey Ullman Show' shorts, Maggie talked consisently,
    from the very beginning!  (She says `Goo' ni', da'' in `Good Night')
    Another time she talked was in `Making Faces' (`Check this out'),
    and she often babbled too (e.g.  `House of Cards': `Dooey shooey
    gaven mush').  But then again, Homer didn't have an apparent job,
    and Marge didn't have a name.  So let's call the whole thing off."

>> Recycled animation

The shots of Homer sawing and hammering are lifted directly from 8F13,
    "Homer at the Bat".

===============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary (with help from Raymond Chen and Ricardo Lafaurie)
===============================================================================
% [Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
% Frederic Briere.]
%
% The family are trying to get Maggie to speak.

 Marge: [Holding bottle] Maggie, can you say ba-ba?  Can you say mama?
  Bart: Can you say get bent?
 Marge: Bart!
  Bart: Mister Rogers says it all the time!
 Marge: He does not.
 Homer: Maggie, can you say daddy?  Daddy?
 Marge: Kitty.  Kitty.
  Lisa: Be-bop.  Be-bop.
  Bart: Shove it.  Shove it.
Maggie: [burp]
 Homer: Did you hear that?  She said "burlap"!
-- Too much chicken for Liz, "Lisa's First Word"

        Marge: Oh Maggie, when are you going to talk?
         Lisa: Well, don't push her.  Remember, it is better to remain
               silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and
               remove all doubt.
Homer's brain: What does that mean?  Better say something or they'll
               think you're stupid.
        Homer: Takes one to know one.
Homer's brain: Swish!
-- Homer, non sequitur master, "Lisa's First Word"

Marge: According to Fretful Mother Magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk at
       age one, we should consider a corrective tongue extender.
-- And then she can be the world's youngest Gene Simmons, "Lisa's First
    Word"

% Bart wants to know what his first word was.  We flash back to Bart
% coming into the parents' bedroom at the wrong time and baby Bart
% exclaiming, "Ay, caramba!"  In the present, Marge finishes lamely, "I
% don't remember..."

    Marge: The story of Lisa's first word is very cute.
Bart+Lisa: Tell it, Mom!  Tell it, Mom!  Tell it!
    Homer: Yeah.  Tell it, Mom!
-- Homer, caught up in the moment, "Lisa's First Word"

% Marge begins, "This story begins in the unforgettable spring of 1983.
% Ms.  Pacman struck a blow for women's rights and a young Joe Piscopo
% taught us how to laugh."  Flashback to the turbulent 80's in East
% Springfield.  We see some boys go to play stick ball -- the video
% game.  Marge and Bart are waiting for Homer to come home from work.
% Marge chats about M*A*S*H with the neighbors.  (Homer, Marge and Bart
% live in an apartment.)
%
% Enter Homer, singing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want To Have Fun".

 Bart: Homer!
Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.  Homer's what grownups call me.  Call me
       daddy.
 Bart: Homer.
Homer: Daddy.
 Bart: Homer.
Homer: [increasingly irate] Daddy.
 Bart: Da...da...da...
Homer: Yes?
 Bart: D'omer!  Hah, hah, hah...
Homer: Why you little...[chokes Bart]
-- Homer practices tongue extension on Bart, "Lisa's First Word"

% A montage follows.  Bart leaps on a sleeping Homer.  They eat
% spaghetti together.  Bart horrifies the parents by hanging (naked)
% from a clothesline over a 40-feet drop to the street.  He swings
% around and around, enjoying himself immensely -- so much so that he
% continues swinging for many hours, well into the evening, as the
% parents watch from the window.
%
% Marge tells young Bart a bedtime story.

Marge: Then the prince and the princess...[yawn] got married and lived
       happily ever after.
 Bart: Then what happened?
Marge: Uh...they had thirty sons and thirty daughters.
 Bart: What were their names?
Marge: Hmm...Dennis...Brad...Mavis...Brad...[asleep]
-- They must have been Catholic, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart decides to flip on Johnny Carson; he laughs and imitates Ed
% McMahon well: "Hi-oo!"
%
% The next day, Homer plays with his son.

Homer: Got your nose!  Heh heh heh.
 Bart: Got your wallet!  [flushes down toilet]
-- Precocious, ain't he, "Lisa's First Word"

% Homer then orders him never to do that again, but Bart just beeps
% Homer's nose.  Enter Marge.

Marge: There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is
       now!
Homer: We're going to start doing it in the morning?!
-- Slow on the uptake, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bzzzt.  She's awaiting another baby.  Homer's keys are flushed down
% the but Marge doesn't seem to care.  "Hear that, Bart?  You're going
% to have a little brother or sister to play with!"  Bart imagines the
% possibilities.
%
% Marge is becoming as big as a house, so they talk about their future.

Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house.
Homer: No, we won't.  I've got it all figured out.  The baby can have
       Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine back in '76.  Then he joined that cult.  I
       think her name is Mother Shabubu now.
-- Recipe for a pervert, "Lisa's First Word"

% Marge continues, "That afternoon, we left Bart with my sisters and
% went house-hunting."  The Gruesome Twosome are entertained by Bart's
% medley singing of "I'm a Little Teapot" and "Itsy-Bitsy Spider".
% "Love that `Spout' medley," one of them sighs.
%
% Homer and Marge visit Stinking Fish Realty.  But they have problems
% finding a proper house -- or the proper neighborhood.  The first one
% is too violent.  The second house is located next to a rendering
% plant.  ("Mmm...hog fat").  {The third one is Captain McAllister's
% houseboat, where the good Captain's sales pitch is interrupted while
% he wrestles a Great White.}  And the fourth is full of cats.

Marge: Once we get the cats out of the way, it won't be too bad
Agent: Actually, according to the will, the cats own the house.  You'd
       be their tenants!
-- "Lisa's First Word"

Lisa: I wish we lived in the kitty house.
Bart: I could've trained them to be my unholy army of the night.  Go, my
      pretties!  Kill!  Kill!
-- The Wicked Bart of the West, "Lisa's First Word"

% "We were about to give up, but then we found the house that was
% perfect"...on Evergreen Terrace.  In Homer's mind's eye, he visualizes
% adding a TV and couch to the living room and grins.  But he needs to
% be able to afford the place first, so he heads off to see his father.

Homer: Dad, I have a problem.
  Abe: Why did you come to me?  I don't know nothin'.  I used to get by
       on my looks.  Now they're gone...withered away like an old piece
       of fruit...[cries]
Homer: Are you done?
-- Homer, sympathy king, "Lisa's First Word"

% Not yet, Abe's not.  He continues until Homer interrupts him.

 Homer: I need $15,000 to buy a home.
Grampa: Oh, well.  All I own is this house that I built with my own two
        hands.
 Homer: You didn't build this house.  You won it on a crooked 50's game
        show.
Grampa: I ratted on everybody and got off scott free!  Hah-hah!  [They
        exchange high-fives]
-- The $15,000 Question, "Lisa's First Word"

Grampa: All right, son, I'll sell this dump and write you a check.
 Homer: Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my
        family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us.
Grampa: Thank you!
  Bart: [in the present] So how long before you shipped Grampa off to
        the old-folks home?
 Homer: About three weeks.
         [everyone laughs]
-- "Lisa's First Word"

% [End of Act One.  Time: 8:14]
%
% Homer tries to bargain with Maggie: a cookie for a word.  Maggie
% distracts him and grabs the cookie.  "D'oh!  Okay, you win round 7."

 Lisa: When do we get to my first word?
Homer: Your what what?
 Lisa: [indignant] My first words!
Homer: Nah, you don't want to hear that story.  I know.  I'll tell you
       about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney.
       It was another one of my harebrained schemes.
 Lisa: Dad!
Homer: Wait a minute.  That was the Lucy show.
-- TV that gives so much, "Lisa's First Word"

% Homer presumes Lisa isn't interested in stuff like that and begins to
% tell a story how he was locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney, then
% realizes he's confused real life with Lucy Show.

Homer: Okay, where were we?
 Bart: Mom was preggers and Dad threw all our money down a sink hole.
Homer: Ah yes.
-- Homer narrates the story of Bart's childhood, "Lisa's First Word"

% "I remember the day we moved in."  Homer has trouble with carrying
% Marge over the threshold, then with Bart, who is not pleased with
% their new home.  Bart gets strangled after another Daddy vs. Homer
% argument.  Just then, at the door, Ned and Todd Flanders arrive to
% welcome their new neighbors, singing.  "We welcome you to the
% neighborhood, sing fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la..."

  Ned: Buenos Dias, neighboritos!  The handle is Flanders, but my
       friends call me Ned.
Homer: [sullen] Hi, Flanders.
-- Setting the tone for years to come, "Lisa's First Word"

% Todd hugs Bart enthusiastically, asking him for friendship, and when
% Bart pushes him off, Todd giggles, "You're funny."

  Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.
Homer: I could use a TV tray.
  Ned: Well, gee...
Homer: What?
  Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...
Homer: You said "anything".
  Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.
Homer: [in the present] And that little while is now eight years and
       counting.  Heh, heh, heh.
-- "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart has entered the terrible two's.  He bangs a spoon on a pan while
% wearing a pot on his head.

 Bart: I am so great!  I am so great!  Everybody loves me, I am so
       great!
Marge: Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.  Could you please be quiet?
 Bart: Quiet!  Quiet!  Quiet!  Quiet!  Quiet!  Quie --
Marge: Bart, get out!
-- Those terrible two's, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart goes to watch an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon ("100 Yard Gash") with
% Homer.

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but
       somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
-- Back when Homer wasn't in a bind, "Lisa's First Word"

% Scratchy lines up for the Olympic sprint, but Itchy nails his tail to
% the ground.  Scratchy runs out of his skin and wins the race.  After
% I&S, Krusty appears, promoting his Official Meat-Flavored Sandwich of
% the 1984 Olympics.  He also pulls a prank on Sideshow Bob.

 Bart: Krusty funny!
Homer: Duh.
-- Homer watches TV with Little Bart, "Lisa's First Word"

% Krusty continues his promotion -- just scrape off the name of the
% event from your game card that comes with the sandwich and if America
% wins a gold medal, you win a free burger!  -- then takes a bite of a
% sandwich.  "Mmm!"  End of commercial.

    Krusty: Blech!  [spits the burger out] Oh, I almost swallowed some
            of the juice.
             [drinks from his flask] Uhh, I'll be tasting that for
            weeks.
Accountant: Great spot, K. C.
    Krusty: Put a sock in it, preppy.  How much are these free burgers
            gonna cost me?
Accountant: Not to worry, Mr. K. We've rigged the cards: they're all in
            events that Communists never lose.
    Krusty: I like, I like.
     Woman: This just came over the wires, Big K.
    Krusty: [reads] Uh-huh.  Soviet boycott.  U.S. unopposed in most
            events.  How does this affect our giveaway?
Accountant: Let's see.  [calculates] You personally stand to lose $44
            million.
-- As long as he never bets against the Globetrotters, "Lisa's First
    Word"

% Bart refuses to give up his crib to the new baby, even after much
% pulling and reverse psychology from Homer, so Homer builds him a new
% bed -- a clown bed.  "Homer J. Simpson, you're a genius."  Only the
% clown is grotesque and frightening looking.  Homer reassures Bart
% he'll be able to laugh himself to sleep, but Bart imagines the clown
% intoning with barely-suppressed evil glee, "If you should die before
% you wake..."

Bart: Can't sleep, clown'll eat me...Can't sleep, clown'll eat me...
-- Bart laughs himself to sleep, "Lisa's First Word"

% The family watch the Olympics.

Announcer: And we're seconds away from the 100-meter butterfly.  While
           the East German, heh heh, "women", are shaving their backs
           three thousand miles away, the Americans are heavy favorites.
-- The 1984 Olympics butterfly competition, "Lisa's First Word"

% Homer's stomach grumbles.  "Patience, my pet."  The butterfly begins,
% but half of the contestants are about to drown because they come from
% countries that don't have swimming pools.  The other announcer
% comments sarcastically, "Boo hoo, you're breaking my heart!"

Marge: Homer, I think the baby is coming.
Homer: Wow.  A baby and a free burger.  Could this be the best day of my
       life?
   TV: Next up, an hour-long episode of "Mama's Family".
Homer: Yess!
-- The day he skips church is eight years away, "Lisa's First Word"

% Ned, Todd and Rod are with Bart saying bye to Homer and Marge, who
% leave for the hospital.

     Ned: We'll take good care of your boy, Simpson.  Enjoy the miracle
          of creation!
   Homer: Shut up, Flanders.  [drives off]
     Ned: So, what d'you kids wanna play?
Rod+Todd: "Good Samaritan!"
-- Gotta start 'em young, "Lisa's First Word"

% At the Flanders' home...

Todd: I get to clothe the leper.
 Rod: Lucky!
 Ned: Supper time, boys!
Todd: Oh boy: liver!
 Rod: Iron helps us play.
-- "Good Samaritan" and dinner at the Flanderses, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart says he wants back home, but changes his mind after seeing his
% scary bed through the window.
%
% Bed-time.  Todd and Rod sing religious songs ("I've got some joy, joy,
% joy, joy down in my heart.  (Where?)  Down in my heart to stay!  And
% if the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack.  (Ouch!)  Sit on a
% tack.  (Ouch!)"), so Bart decides to sneak away.  On the way, he
% happens to run into a very old Grandma Flanders, who scares him.
% ("Hello, Joe!  Can you help me with my psalms?")
%
% After Lisa's birth, Homer gives Lisa the good news: he's already
% started her college fund at Lincoln Savings & Loan.  Marge reads
% Fretful Mother Magazine.

Marge: According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her [Lisa].
Homer: Well, Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt.
-- Mmm...hairy yellow, "Lisa's First Word"

% Back at home, Bart is puzzled.  He imagines talking heads flying
% around him ("From now on the baby sleeps in the crib", "Iron helps us
% play", Evil Clown laughter, and "Hello, Joe!").  Homer interrupts
% Bart's hallucinations by asking him to come and see Little Lisa.
% Marge sits in a rocking chair, holding Lisa, with light streaming
% through the curtains.  Lisa wakes up, yawning.  The scene is adorable.
% "Well, Bart, what do you think of Little Lisa?"  Marge asks
% expectantly.  "I hate you," spits Bart.
%
% [End of Act Two.  Time: 15:33]

Marge: I saved this newspaper from the day Lisa was born.
 Lisa: "Mondale to Hart: [confused] Where's the beef?"
 Bart: "Where's the beef?"  What the hell that's supposed to mean?
Homer: Heh heh heh heh heh.  "Where's the beef"...No wonder he won
       Minnesota.
-- Homer, savvy politico, "Lisa's First Word"

% Marge continues her story.  "Everyone agreed that Lisa was a beautiful
% baby."  Back to the flashbacks.  Patty and Selma, smoking, have come
% to see Lisa.

Patty: Isn't that cute.  She's coughing.
-- Wait 'til she spits up, "Lisa's First Word"

% Selma gives Lisa a kiss -- a close-up of her face makes most of us
% puke.  Bart tries to gain attention by singing Allouette, but isn't
% noted.  "You still here?"

Patty: The older they get, the cuter they ain't.
-- The universal truth as told by a Bouvier spinster, "Lisa's First
    Word"

% The Gruesome Twosome concentrate on Lisa.  "Hey, the baby just spit
% up!" notes Selma cheerfully.
%
% Homer follows the last day of the 24th Olympiad, brought to you by
% Krusty Burger _tm_.  Krusty appears, smoking and crying.  "You people
% are pigs!  I, personally, am going to spit in every fiftieth burger!"
% Homer doesn't worry.  "I like those odds."
%
% An announcer comes onscreen.

Announcer: In a moment, we'll look at the courageous Korean gymnast, Kim
           Huyang, who made a perfect dismount and which was later
           revealed to be...a broken leg!
   Huyang: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghh!
Announcer: [cheerfully] Ho ho ho ho hoo.  Ouch!
-- Watching sports, "Lisa's First Word"

% Homer watches boxing, in which Drederick Tatum has beaten a "supine
% Swede" (says Howard Cosell).  Homer dances around the room like Tatum
% when he realizes he has won a burger.
%
% {At a Krusty Burger, Homer, Wiggum and many others are receiving their
% free burgers.  "Carl Lewis, I could kiss you" comments Wiggum.}  Homer
% chants "USA!  USA!  USA!" and the crowds join in with him.
%
% Hibbert performs a little eye test on Lisa, who has a perfect vision.

Hibbert: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.  She has the relexes of a young Mary
         Lou Retton.  Have a wowwipop.  [gives Lisa one]
   Bart: Can _I_ have a lollipop?
Hibbert: Oh Bart, I'm afraid that was the last one.  But I've got
         something even better for you: a rubella innoculation!
          [holds up a giant needle]
-- Ten-braided Hibbert and his medicine, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart rubs his arm back at the house.

 Bart: I wanna hold the baby.  I wanna hold the baby.
Marge: I'm sorry, Bart, you're too little.
Homer: Here, Bart, you can hold my beer.
-- "Lisa's First Word"

% Lisa is put to bed.  Bart, who has sneaked into the room, brandishes
% some scissors.  Some time later, Marge comes in.  "Lisa, it's time for
% your feeding...aah!"  Bart has cut all of Lisa's hair off -- only
% stubble remains.  "Who's cuter now?"  Bart is sent to the corner.
%
% When Lisa's hair has grown back, Bart sticks stamps on Lisa and puts
% her in the mail box.  Later, he's back in the corner because the
% "Stupid mailman squealed on me..."
%
% Ned Flanders pays a visit, returning Lisa that Bart had stuck through
% the Flanders' doggy door.  Ned's attempt to get back his TV tray
% fails.  Homer orders Bart over to the corner, but then realizes he's
% already there.
%
% Bart prepares to run away from home.  Lisa is puzzled.  Bart explains
% that it was still fun when it was just Homer, Marge and him.

Bart: You wrecked everything.  I'm leaving.  Goodbye.
Lisa: Bart.
Bart: [amazed] What did you say?  Say it again!
Lisa: Bart.
Bart: Sufferin' Succotash!  You can talk!
Lisa: Goo.
-- Lisa's first word, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart takes her downstairs to Homer and Marge.  Lisa demonstrates her
% newfound skill.  "Bart Bart Bart Bart Bart Bart."  "I was her first
% word!"  Lisa can also say "Mommy", so Bart tries to get her to say the
% name of the actor on the "Knight Rider" cover of TV guide.

Bart: Can you say David Hasselhoff?
Lisa: Davah Hassa-hoff.
-- Lisa learns to talk, "Lisa's First Word"

Homer: Can you say Daddy?
 Lisa: Homer.
Homer: No, sweetie.  Daddy.
 Lisa: [pause] Homer.
Homer: D'oh!
-- Like son, like daughter?, "Lisa's First Word"

% Bart and Lisa laugh, and hug.  Back to the present.

 Bart: I was sitting there!
 Lisa: I don't see your name on it!
 Bart: It's right there!
Marge: Bart, don't write on the rug.
-- Lisa wasn't looking hard enough, "Lisa's First Word"

% Homer takes Maggie and heads upstairs.

 Homer: The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back.
         [tucks Maggie in] I hope you never say a word.
         [shuts the door]
Maggie: [taking her pacifier out] Daddy.
-- Maggie's first word, "Lisa's First Word"

% ...and then she falls asleep.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:26]
===============================================================================
> Contributors
===============================================================================
   {dcd} Dennis C. DeMars
   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {ah}  Alan Hamilton
   {jt}  Juha Terho
===============================================================================
This episode summary was edited by James A. Cherry and is Copyright 1996
by Juha Terho.  Not to be redistributed in a public forum without
permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of
The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the
original authors.)