(Lurleen on Me)                                        Written by Matt Groening
                                                      Directed by Mark Kirkland
===============================================================================
[$Id: 8f19 1.1 92/03/27 07:53:30 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $]
===============================================================================
> Title sequence
===============================================================================
Blackboard :- `I will not conduct my own / fire drills'.
              `I will not conduct m' at cutoff.

Lisa's solo:- Traditional, but on a bari sax.

Driveway   :- Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past.
              Homer says `Wooh!' when the car closes in on him.

Couch      :- The cushions are missing.
              Recycled from [8f07].

===============================================================================
> Didja notice...
===============================================================================
        Special Guest Voice
            Beverly D'Angelo (Lurleen Lumpkin)

    Until Brian Howard gives us the real title (or somebody calls Gracie
    and asks them) I've made up a title.

    ... Julie Kavner voiced the nurse?

===============================================================================
> Reviews
===============================================================================

Yours Truly {rjc}:  Funny in places, but not satisfying, and too much singing.

===============================================================================
> Movie (and other) References
===============================================================================
  + Hee Haw
        - Ya-Hoo!

===============================================================================
> Freeze Frame Fun
===============================================================================
More FFF will appear once Ron Carter {rc} or Dave Hall {dh} post their report.

>> Homer's long drive
   Flaming Pete's steak house (burnt down)
   a skunk
   Fertilizer plant
   County Dump
   Surfur mine
   Open Sewers, Next 40 Miles


>> The trailer park
    [14] days without a tornado.
    Later, the signs reads  [2] days without a tornado.

===============================================================================
> Animation and continuity goofs
===============================================================================

===============================================================================
> Unaired clips
===============================================================================
In the trailer for this episode, Bart and Lisa are in the recording studio.
Lisa remarks, ``I never thought I'd see another woman in Dad's life.''
Bart responds, ``What are you talking about?  There's Betty Crocker, Sarah
Lee, Aunt Jemimah...''

===============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
===============================================================================
>> References
>>> Previous episodes
    [8f15] The man who held up the Kwik-E-Mart

>> Lurleen's songs
   Your Wife Doesn't Understand You, But I Do
   I'm Basting a Turkey With My Tears
   Don't Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It
   I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth
   Bagged Me a Homer
   Bunk With Me Tonight
   Stand By Your Manager

>> And, for the attentive, I buried a Remington Steele reference in the
   capsule.

===============================================================================
> Quotes and scene summary
===============================================================================
% The family wander through the Googolplex Cinema parking lot, trying to find
% a parking space.  Every spot they find is stolen from them just before they
% reach it.  Homer finds a space labelled ``Compacts only''.  He reasons,
% ``Marge, that's just a suggested car size.''  Homer squeezes the car into
% the space (scratching the cars on either side in the process).  ``How am
% I doing on the right?''  Lisa responds, ``Well, we're getting a lot of
% sparks over here, Dad.''  Homer `succeeds' in parking the car.  ``Okay,
% everyone out the window.''
%
% Unable to find a movie to suit everyone, Marge suggests the kids see one
% movie while she and Homer watch something else.  Bart and Lisa dash off.
% Homer wants to see ``Look Who's Oinking'', but it's sold out, so he has
% to settle for ``The Stockholm Affair'', a highbrow political movie.
%
% Homer does every single annoying thing a person has ever done in a movie
% theater.  Meanwhile, Lisa covers her eyes while Bart thoroughly enjoys
% a gory scene from the latest Space Mutant movie.

Bart: If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.
Lisa: [covering her eyes] Please tell me when the scary part's over.
Bart: [pause]  It's over.
Lisa: [uncovers her eyes]
      [the movie theater is bathed in red as we hear blood spurting]
      Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
-- Watching `Space Mutant IV', ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Homer continues being incredibly annoying, including giving away the
% ending.  The other viewers throw their food at him, and Marge bawls
% him out.
%
% On the car ride home, Marge tries to apologize, but Homer is still mad.
% Bart uses a magic marker (drawing directly on Homer's head) to illustrate.
%
% Marge, Bart and Lisa stand by the car.  Homer is still behind the wheel.
% ``I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again.''  He speeds
% off.  Then comes back, hands over Maggie, and speeds off again.  Lisa
% remarks, ``I guess that executive stress ball we gave him isn't working.''
%
% Homer drives along the highway.  Billboard:  ``Flaming Pete's [picture
% of a steak] 75 miles.''  Homer continues.  The next billboard reads the
% same, but this time only ``30 miles''.  Another billboard, reading
% ``Next exit.''  Homer reaches the next exit.  Flaming Pete's has burnt down.
%
% Homer continues his long drive, trying to hold his breath as he goes past
% various smelly things.  He reaches ``The Beer -n- Brawl'' tavern.

Man 1:  Hey you, let's fight.
Man 2:  Them's fightin' words!
-- Say what you mean, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Homer tries to order a Duff, but they only serve Fudd.

Okay, Fudd me.
-- Homer orders a beer, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% The musical performer is Yodelin' Zeke.
%
% The next act is Lurleen, their waitress.  Though the bar denizens react
% poorly to the fact that drink service will stop.  Lurleen sings a song
% she just wrote, which describes Homer's current state down to the last
% detail.  Well, almost.  The song concludes, ``Your wife don't understand
% you, but I do.''
%
% After her song, Homer approaches Lurleen.  ``Your song touched me in a way
% I've never felt before.  And which way to the can?''
%
% [End of Act One]

Lurleen: So what's your name, stranger?
Homer:   Homer J. Simpson.
Lurleen: My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.
Homer:   That's a pretty name.
Lurleen: Oh, you think so?
Homer:   Maybe.  I'm not sure.  I forgot it.
-- Persistence of memory, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Homer arrives home the next morning, singing.  Homer's diction has taken
% distinctly country/western turn.  Homer sings at work, carelessly pulling
% levers back and forth.  Power cuts in and out all across town.

        [in the operating room, the power flickers]
Nurse:  Doctor, you weren't supposed to remove his gall bladder.
Doctor: Put it back!  Put it back!
-- It was like that when I got here!  ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Lenny scoffs at Homer's singing to his bowling ball, until he learns
% that Homer's bowling a 280.  Lenny gives it a shot.
%
% Homer tries to order a Fudd at Moe's Tavern, but Moe says that he thought
% it was pulled off the market ``after all those hillbillies went blind.''
% Homer says he got some at another bar, and Moe is shocked that Homer
% went to another bar.
%
% Homer drives to Lurleen's mobile home in Spittle County.

Lurleen, I can't get your song out of my mind.
I haven't felt this way since Funky Town!
-- Homer, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Homer asks for a copy, but Lurleen says they're all in her head.
% So Homer insists they ``crack open [her] head and scoop out those
% songs.''  He takes her to Lucky's Records, where Lurleen records
% her song on a CD (for 25 cents).  The clerk (Wade) says his brother
% owns a radio station in Weevilville, and Homer grants permission to
% let them play the song.
%
% The song is played on KUDD 570 AM.  The effects of the song are profound.

Moe:    [listening to a song on the radio]  For the next half hour,
        beer is on the house.
Barney: [bursts out of the men's room]  What'd you say, Moe?
        [pull back to see that the bar is otherwise empty]
Moe:    Nuthin'.
-- Trees falling in the forest, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

Krusty: [slapping Sideshow Mel]  I thought I told you to stay away from
        my sister!!
        [a song comes on the radio]
        [softens]  Oh, here's 50 bucks.  Take her to the Copa.
-- Calms the savage breast, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% The music even quells a riot at the prison.
%
% The family listen at home.

I can feel her sweet country soul in every digitally-encoded bit.
-- Lisa, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

Country music sucks.  All it does is take precious air space away from
shock DJ's, whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.
-- Bart the Critic, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

Marge: Who is this woman?
Homer: Well, right now, she's an out-of-work cocktail waitress,
       but she's going to be a country music superstar like...
       uh... that jerk in the cowboy hat... and that dead lady.
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Marge expresses her disapproval.

Marge, you make it sound so seamy.
All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on
some outfits.
-- Homer tries to reassure Marge, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% This fails to reassure her.  Homer answers the phone.  It's Lurleen.
% ``Uh, I think I can come over.  Lemme ask my wife.''  Marge yells
% ``Mmmmmmmm'' as loud as humanly possible.  Homer replies, ``It's a
% date.''  Homer visits Lurleen, who is immensely grateful.

Lurleen: Homer, no man has ever been this nice to me without... you know...
         wantin' sum'in' in return.
Homer:   Well, now, I was going to ask you for a glass of water, but now
         I feel kinda guilty about it.
-- Ask and you shall receive, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

Lurleen: [chuckles] Oh Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.
Homer:   Hey!  [thinks on it]  You  say sugar, right?
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

Lurleen: Homer, I want you to be my manager.
Homer:   Really?!  Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.
Lurleen: That's okay.
Homer:   I make a lot of stupid decisions.
Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.
Homer:   I did bad in school.
Lurleen: I didn't even go.
Homer:   My personal hygeine has been described as...
-- Is that a fair recital of my deficiencies?  ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Lurleen takes Homer to the Coruplent Cowboy, a clothing store.

Now this is made from a space-age fabric specially designed for Elvis.
Sweat actually cleans this suit!
-- Clerk at the Corpulent Cowboy, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Slightly past midnight, Marge sleeps alone in bed.  Homer finally arrives
% home, clad in traditional gaudy Western attire.  Marge is furious and
% asks him if he's having an affair.  Homer denies it, but admits under
% interrogation that Lurleen did kiss him a couple of times.  Marge forbids
% Homer to become her manager.

Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of
       managing a beautiful country singer!
Marge: Your boyhood dream is to eat the world's biggest hoagie!
       And you did it at the county fair last year, remember!?
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Marge holds up a picture to illustrate.  Homer says that, whether she
% likes it or not, he's going to make Lurleen a star.  Marge snaps back,
% ``Fine.  See if I care.''  Homer leaves.
%
% [End of Act Two]
%
% Homer hands over a huge wad of cash to the man at the recording studio.

Marge: Homer, how much did you just give that man!?
Homer: Calm down, Marge, it's just our life savings.  I'm not going into hock
       for this.
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Lurleen kisses ``Colonel Homer'' greeting, but her reception from Marge is
% decidedly less pleasant.

Marge: Hm...  I thought you said she was overweight.
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie.  One to lie and one to listen.
-- Tangoing optional, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% The recording session is under way, as Bart and Maggie entertain themselves
% with the equipment.  Lisa plays her sax as Lurleen sings about a baseball
% metaphor for love titled ``Bagged Me a Homer''.  But the recording has to
% stop because they're getting a grinding noise on the track.  Marge
% gnashes her teeth loudly.
%
% Lurleen becomes a hit, and the kids help with the production.  Bart slips
% the records into the sleeve, Lisa stamps the jacket, and a heavily
% lipsticked Maggie kisses it.  (Leaving lip-prints on the album cover.)

Homer:   Guess what, Lurleen.  I got you a gig on TV!
Lurleen: [squeals with delight]  Oh, Homer!  You're as smart as you
         are handsome!
Homer:   [angry] Hey!  [softens]  Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% The TV show wants her to sing two sings, and Homer suggests she sing a new
% song.  She privately sings for him a song she just wrote ``that could really
% heat things up''.  It's titled, ``Bunk with Me Tonight.''  Homer misses
% the not-so-subtle intent.  Lurleen sings it again, a bit more pointedly,
% and it finally sinks in.  Homer makes his escape.
%
% Marge is on the phone with her sister.

Marge: All our money's tied up in this woman.  If she fails, we're broke.
       If she succeeds, I have no husband.  I don't know what to root for.
Patty: You don't?
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Preparing for Lurleen's television debut, Homer struggles with his
% string-tie.  Marge notes that while Homer and Lurleen were out judging
% a greased pig contest, Maggie cut her first tooth.  But Homer isn't
% listening.  She calls in the kids, who are adorably dressed in their
% Sunday best.  ``You've got a wonderful family, Homer.  Please don't
% forget it when you walk out that door tonight.''  Homer leaves.

Much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit.
-- Bart on Homer, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% The television show in question is ``Ya-Hoo!'', a spoof of ``Hee-Haw''.
% While Lurleen sings ``Bagged Me a Homer'', Homer is approached by a
% well-dressed gentleman.

I'm from Rebel Yell Records, a division of the Tokasagi Corporation.
-- ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% Homer refuses to sell Lurleen's contract.
%
% In Lurleen's dressing room, Homer asks if there's anything she needs.
% Lurleen bolts the door shut and kisses him.  Homer stops.  ``My whole
% romantic life is flashing before my eyes!''  And it does.  It involves
% lots of slapping.  Then came Marge.  Homer tells Lurleen that his goal
% was to share her voice with other people, and he's done it.  ``I'd better
% get out of here before I lose my family.''  He leaves, then pokes his
% head back in the door.  ``Just so I don't wonder.  You would've gone all
% the way with me, wouldn't you?''  She nods.
%
% Homer approaches the agent.

Now before we negotiate, I have to tell you I'm desperate to unload Lurleen,
and I'll take any offer.
-- Homer Simpson, Master Bargainer, ``(Lurleen on Me)''

% He sells the contract for $50.
%
% At Homer, Marge sits in bed (naked) watching the incredibly feeble
% ``Ya-Hoo!'' program.  Homer arrives home.  ``Is there any room in the
% bed for a gad-durned fool?''  ``Always has been.''  While Lurleen sings
% ``Stand By Your Manager'', Homer undresses (but keeps the hat) and gets
% into bed.  Her song concludes, ``I hope that Marge knows just how lucky
% she is.''  Marge says, ``I do'', and the two kiss.  Homer tosses his hat
% onto the camera.
%
% [End of Act Three]
===============================================================================
Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the
compilation.)