Bart the Genius                                           Written by John Vitti
                                                    Directed by David Silverman
===============================================================================
7G02 Revision: B Date: 99/10/3 By: Andrew A. Gill Original: Raymond Chen
===============================================================================
> TV Guide Synopsis
===============================================================================
Bart is moved to a school for gifted children after he switches
aptitude tests with another boy, who is assigned to vocational studies
in dishwashing.

===============================================================================
> Title sequence
===============================================================================
Blackboard :- `I will not waste chalk'.
              `I will not w' at cutoff.

Driveway   :- Homer opens his mouth but no sound comes out
              when the car closes in on him.

Couch:     :- Bart pops upwards out of frame, and doesn't come down.
              During the shot of the TV set, Bart falls past.  (*thud*)

===============================================================================
> Didja notice ...
===============================================================================
    ... Maggie's blocks were E-M-C-2?  @{cs}  Apparently, it is Maggie who
        is the genius in the family.
    ... in Bart's numerical nightmare, the handle on the pull-cord for the
        window shade was... the number eight?
    ... Bart sat on a ergonomic chair at the ELCfGC? {cjb}
    ... Martin and his parents at the opera?

===============================================================================
> Reviews
===============================================================================

Yours Truly {rjc}:  Another classic.

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> Movie References
===============================================================================

===============================================================================
> Freeze Frame Fun
===============================================================================
>> The Scrabble (tm) board
>>> Marge's turn

     B OF
    +E N
     THE        Marge places an `H' on the `+'.
      A
    FAT

>>> Homer's and Lisa's turns

        !
        +O
         N      Homer places a `D' on the `+', spelling `DO'.
        BE
        E MY    Lisa places an `I' on the '!', spelling `ID'.
        THE
         A
       FAT

>> The game room
   Picture of Homer screaming

>> Skinner's disciplinary filing cabinet
   Cr - Dl
   Em - Kl
   Ty - Cz
   Simpson, Bart
   Zs - Ds

>> The Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children
>>> library
    Plato
    Puskin
    Life of Leonardo
    Crime and Punishment
    Wana by Emile Zola
    Shakespeare I - XV
    Dante's Inferno
    Babylonian Myths
    Design of Computers
    Moby Dick
    Paradise Lost
    Iliad by Homer
    Odyssey by Homer
    Radioactive Man (used as a prop in a film about illiteracy)
    Candide
    Astrophysics
    Balzac

>>> Lunchroom
    A likeness of a young Marge eats her sushi with chopsticks.
        I can't make out her lunchbox.
    ``Anatoly Karpov'' lunchbox (Sidney's)
    ``Krusty'' lunchbox (Bart's)

>> CARMEN
   Today only
   IN RUSSIAN
   Conductor - Boris Csupowski [NB]

>> Dr. Pryor's office
   Pictures of Einstein and Bart.

===============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
===============================================================================
>> Maggie fall count
   1  As Lisa looks up `id'

>> Chris Baird {cjb}:  Some of the animators expressions were pretty wild,
   for instance:

  - Maggie turns into a multi-armed creature when she knocks down her blocks.
  - Lisa's face when she grabs the dictionary.
  - Mrs. Krabappel grows an extra two pairs of eyeballs when she tells
    Bart to face the window.
  - Marge crosses her eyes when trying to think of the word `nurturing'.

>>Score for Kwyjibo:

  k-5
  w-4
  y-4
  j-8
  i-1
  b-3
+ o-1
-----
   26
+   8 (It's impossible to get a triple word score without getting a double
----- letter score on the j.)
   34
*   3 (triple word score)
-----
  102
+  50 (using up all of his letters)
-----
  152 (that's a lot of points!)

(Thanks to Evan Berofsky for a description of Scrabble (tm) mechanics, and
pointing this error out to me.)

>> Osmium Hydroxide plus Rubidic acid...

Bart may not know what happens when you mix acids and bases, but do you?
Recently, Haynes Lee claimed that you get salt water, and not an explosion.
Other people responded with varied points of how this high school chem
experiment works.  Yes, you will get -a- salt, dissolved in water.  If you
aren't careful, you'll get an exothermal reaction, meaning that it will
blow up in your face.  To get an entire classroom to fill, however, you'd
need either much denser reagents than what Bart had, or a lot more of them.

>> Calculus for Dummies

The calculation of the derivative was correct, if nonstandard.  Placing dr
with the variables is not standard practice, and serves no real purpose unless
you're going to turn around and integrate it--in which case, why did they
differentiate it?  Expressing r^2 as rr is also something that is completely
pointless.  Oh, and if these kids are gifted enough to find the joke so fast,
why are they dumb enough to still find it funny?

>> Ol' Mem-sahib Bart

According to my trusty OED, a mem-sahib is:

	A European married Lady; also, one who behaves like a European woman.

I'd be a bit more impressed had the sentence actually made sense.

===============================================================================
> Animation goofs
===============================================================================
The Scrabble (tm) board keeps changing.

Chris Colby (colby@bu-bio.bu.edu):  After the kids have tricked Bart of
his lunch they chat privately.  During that brief conversation, the voices
are switched.

Stephen D. Livingston notes that Staphylococcus is not a virus. It is a genus
of bacteria.  He adds: ``Granted, the long-shot explaination may be that
they're discussing a bacteriophage virus that preys specifically on Staph
bacteria,'' but that's not likely.

Alexandre Charest: The intermediate results of the derivative is missing the
r.  It's ``3^2 dr / 3'' instead of the correct ``3 r^2 dr /3''.

Homer couldn't spell oxidize, anyway.  You have to build off of what's already
there.

===============================================================================
> Quotes and scene summary
===============================================================================
% Maggie places an `E' block atop a teetering pile.  She admires her work,
% then in a flurry of arms, knocks them all down.  A Scrabble (tm) tile
% falls to the floor, and Lisa picks it up.  Pull back to reveal that the
% rest of the family are playing the classic word game.  Bart waits
% impatiently for Marge to maker her move, and she does:  She places an `H'
% on the board to spell `HE'.  Now it's Homer's turn.  He grumbles, ``How
% can anyone make a word out of these lousy letters!''  Homer's rack contains
% the letters O-X-I-D-I-Z-E.  He decides to play the `D' to spell `DO'.
% Lisa places an `I' above the `D'...

Lisa:  `Id', triple-word score!
Homer: No abbreviations.
Lisa;  Not I.D., Dad, `id'.  It's a word!
Bart:  As in ``This game is stoop-id''.
-- Playing Scrabble (tm), ``Bart the Genius''

% Lisa reminds Bart that he's supposed to be building his vocabulary for
% tomorrow's aptitude test.  Marge suggests they check the dictionary, and
% Homer is surprised that they have one.  It's currently being used to
% prop up the couch.  Lisa looks up the word and confirms her score.
% Now it's Bart's turn.

Bart:  Here we go.  Kwyjibo.   [places his tiles] K-W-Y-J-I-B-O.
       Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points
       for using all my letters.  Game's over.  I'm outta here. [gets up]
Homer: [grabs Bart with his left hand, holding a banana in his right]
       Wait a minute, you little cheater!
       You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is.
Bart:  Kwyjibo.  Uh... a big, dumb, balding North American ape.  With no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape! [leaps for Bart]
Bart:  [making his escape]  Uh oh.  Kwyjibo on the loose!
-- Playing Scrabble (tm), ``Bart the Genius''

% Springfield Elementary School, before the morning bell.  Kids on the
% playground, doing standard things.  Playing marbles.  Skipping rope.
% Playing some combination of kickball and dodgeball.  Spraying graffiti.
% Spraying graffiti?  Oh, it's Bart, completing a ``I am a weiner [sic]''
% of Principal Skinner.
%
% Martin squeals on Bart.  Milhouse warns Bart, who quickly discards his
% can of spraypaint.

Pr.Sk:  Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.
Martin: And a sloppy speller, too.
        The preferred spelling of `wiener' is W-I-E-N-E-R,
        although E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant.
Pr.Sk:  Good point.
-- Either way, he's still a weiner.  ``Bart the Genius''

% Skinner orders the kids to show their hands, and Bart is literally caught
% red-handed.  Skinner schedules a chat with Bart.  The usual time and place.
% (Skinner's office, after school.)
%
% The bell rings, and the kids file in.  Martin asks Bart not to hold a
% grudge; he was merely protecting school property.  Bart responds, ``Eat
% my shorts.''  Ms. Krabappel hands out the IQ tests.

Now I don't want you to worry, class.  These test will have no effect on your
grade.  They merely determine your future social status and financial success.
[looks at Bart]  If any.
-- Ms. Krabappel administers an IQ test, ``Bart the Genius''

% Martin reminds Ms. Krabappel that Bart is supposed to turn his desk towards
% the window so he can't cheat.

Remember to visualize the complex problem.
And relaaaaax.  The test will start... [looks around calmly]  [yells] Now!
-- Ms. Krabappel administers an IQ test, ``Bart the Genius''

% Pencils hit paper.

Bart: [reading a test question]
      The 7:30am express train travelling at 60 miles an hour leaves Santa Fe
      bound for Phoenix, [chews on his pencil] 520 miles away.
Ms.K: Shhh!  [points to her head]  Visualize it, Bart!
Bart: [visualizing in black-and-white]  At the same time, the local train
      travelling 30 miles an hour and carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix
      bound for Santa Fe.  It is eight cars long and always carries the
      same number of passengers in each car.  [Bart counts five passengers on
      the train car (the number hovering over each passenger's head)
      and visualizes 40 / 8 = 5.  The train travels through a numerical
      landscape.]
      An hour later, a number of passengers equal to half the number of
      minutes past the hour get off, and three times as many plus six
      get on.  [Bart and his equation are trampled by the passengers.]
      At the second stop, half the passengers plus two get off, but twice
      as many get on as got on at the first stop.  [Trampled again.
      Bart spits out a number.]
Train conductor:  Ticket, please.
Bart: I don't have a ticket!
Train conductor:  Come with me, boy.
      [drags Bart off.  Numbers circle Bart's head]
      We've got a stowaway, sir.
Bart: I'll pay!  How much?
      [the train engineer is... Martin!  Shoveling numbers into the engine.]
Martin: Twice the fare from Tuscon to Flagstaff minus two thirds of the fare
      Albuquerque to El Paso!  Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
-- Math is Hell, ``Bart the Genius''

% The two trains crash into each other, throwing Bart into the air...
%
% ... and onto his back on the classroom floor.  Ms. Krabappel tells Bart
% to stop distracting the others, but Martin isn't distracted.  In fact,
% he's finished.  Ms. Krabappel lets Martin go outside and read under a
% tree.
%
% Bart returns to his seat and exchanges faces with Martin through the
% window.

What are you looking at, Bart!  Are those naughty dogs back again?
-- Ms. Krabappel catches Bart staring out the window, ``Bart the Genius''

% While Ms. Krabappel looks outside, Bart grabs Martin's test, changes
% the name to `Bart Simpson' and replaces it.  He then writes `Martin
% Prince' on his own sheet and fills in the dots randomly.
%
% Marge and Homer walk through the schoolyard.  Marge maintains that Bart
% is merely a sheep that has strayed from the fold and needs to be hugged
% extra hard.  Homer answers, ``That's exactly the kind of crapola that's
% lousing him up!''  Homer is impressed by Bart's graffito.
%
% Marge and Homer reach the principal's office.

Pr.Sk: I caught your son defacing school property this morning.
       We estimate the damage is $75, and frankly, we think it's terribly
       unfair that other taxpayers should foot the bill.
Homer: Yeah, it's a crummy system, but what are you going to do?
Marge: [whispers to Homer]
Homer: Oh no.  He can't mean that.  [to Principal Skinner]
       My wife thinks you want  to pay for it.
Pr.Sk: That  the idea.
Homer: Oh.
-- ``Bart the Genius''

% While Homer writes out a check, Principal Skinner shows them a
% sloppily-scrawled absence note which reads ``Please excuse Bart.
% He was sick.  Homer Simpson.''  But he changes his assessment of
% the note as a forgery when he sees Homer's handwriting on the check...
%
% In comes Dr. J. Loren Pryor, district psychiatrist...

What do  need a psychiatrist for?  We know our kid is nuts.
-- Homer, ``Bart the Genius''

% Dr. Pryor informs all that Bart is, believe it or not, a genius.

Dr.J:  The child is not supposed to know his own IQ, of course, but
       as you can see, it's beyond the range of any doubt.
       [hands Homer a slip of paper]
Homer: Nine hundred and twelve!!?!?
Dr.J:  Uh, no.  You have it upside-down.  It's two hundred and sixteen.
Homer: [disappointed] Oh.
-- ``Bart the Genius''

Dr.J: [measuring Bart's head with calipers]
      Tell me, Bart, are you ever bored in school?
Bart: Oh, you bet.
Dr.J: Mm hm.  Do you ever feel a little frustrated?
Bart: All the time, sir.
Dr.J: Uh huh.  And do you ever dream of leaving class to pursue your own
      intellectual development on an independent basis?
Bart: Oh, like you're reading my mind, man.
-- Great minds think alike, ``Bart the Genius''

% Dr. Pryor explains that when a genius is forced to slow down to that of
% a `normal' person, he tends to lash out (indicates Bart's disciplinary
% folder).

Pr.Sk: I think we should re-test him.
Dr.J:  No, I think we should move him to another school.
Pr.Sk: Even better!
-- ``Bart the Genius''

% Dr. Pryor suggests that Bart enroll in a school for the gifted, where there
% are no rules, no homework, nothing to stifle intellectual creativity.
% Bart's eyes open wide and he eagerly accepts.

Homer: My son, a genius!?  How does it happen?
Dr.J:  Well, genius, like intelligence, is usually the result of heredity
       and environment.
Homer: [stares blankly]
Dr.J:  Although in some cases, it's a total mystery.
-- ``Bart the Genius''

% [End of Act One.  Time: 8:04]
%
% At the breakfast table, Bart squirms as Marge combs down his hair.  Once
% she's gone, he musses it back up.  Homer suggests Bart wear a tie (since
% all boy geniuses wear ties), but Bart refuses to let it stifle his
% creativity.

Marge: It's a big day for you.  Why don't you eat something a little more
       nutritious.
Homer: Nonsense, Marge.  Frosty Krusty Flakes is what got him where he
       is today!  [looks at the box]  It must be one of these chemicals
       here that makes him so smart...  Lisa?
Lisa:  [looks up from her granola]
Homer: Maybe you should try some of this.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: I'm just saying, why not have  geniuses in the family?
       Sort of a spare, in case Bart's brain blows up.
-- First day of genius school, ``Bart the Genius''

% Lisa tells Bart, despite the testing, she still insists he's a dimwit.
% Bart replies, `` dimwit is on easy street.''
%
% On the drive to the Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children, Bart
% tells Homer to take the scenic route.  They finally arrive, and Bart
% discovers that all the boys are wearing neckties.

Bart:  Oh no, ties!
Homer: Don't worry, son, you can have mine.
       Here, let me show you how to put on a tie.
       [takes off his clip-on]
       The hook goes over the top, and these things go in there.
-- ``Bart the Genius''

% Homer kisses Bart.

Now go on, boy, and pay attention.  Because if you do, someday, you may
achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations:
You may outsmart someone!
-- Homer drops Bart off at the Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children,
   ``Bart the Genius''

% Homer shoves Bart into the classroom, where Ms. Mellon [pron. /mel-LON/]
% introduces him around.  They have only one rule:  Make your own rules.
% ``If you feel sleepy, take a nap.  If you get bored, feel free to take
% out a book and start reading.''  Bart sifts through the shelf and discovers
% a Radioactive Man comic.  Ms. Mellon tosses it into the trash, but Bart
% fishes it back out.
%
% Bart is introduced to his classmates.  Ethan speaks in palindromes.
% (``O Memsahib, Bart.  Rabbi has memo.'')  Sidney speaks in backwards
% phonetics.  (``Trabing norm doog!'')  Bart reacts appropriately.
% And Cecile, who is performing a virus experiment on hamsters.
% (``I wouldn't get too attached, Bart.  We're dissecting him next week.'')
%
% Class begins.  Ms. Mellon invites everyone to greet Bart (and they do,
% in assorted foreign languages).  They continue yesterday's discussion on
% the existence of free will, and Ian's contribution sparks Ms. Mellon to
% ask the class for examples of paradoxes.  Hands go up, save one.

Ms.M: Bart, what other paradoxes affect our lives?
Bart: [looks around nervously; all stare at him]
      Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
-- ``Bart the Genius''

% Lunchtime.  Bart is swindled out of his lunch by the other students.
%
% [End of Act Two.  Time: 12:36]
%
% Bart sits on his bed sipping a soda and reading a Radioactive Man comic.
% Homer comes in and offers to celebrate Bart's first day at genius school
% with a round of frosty chocolate milkshakes.  Marge and Lisa pop by.

Marge: Bart, I feel so bad for going so many years without... mmm...
       mmm... What's that word where you encourage something to grow?
Bart+Homer: [stare blankly and hum ``I dunno'']
Lisa:  [brightly] Nurturing.
Marge: ... nurturing your brilliant brain.
-- ``Bart the Genius''

Marge: I got tickets to the opera tonight.  Hurry up, get dressed,
       it starts at eight.
Bart:  [whining] Oh, Mom, not tonight...
Homer: Come on, Bart.  Your mother's only trying to help, so go ahead
       and enjoy the show.
Marge: Homer, you're going, too.
Homer: But I'm not a genius!  Why should  suffer!?
-- ``Bart the Genius''

% Marge bought an expensive box.  Bart tells Lisa to keep an eye out for
% the guy selling peanuts.  The overture begins...

Toreador, oh, don't spit on the floor.
Please use the cuspador.
That's what it's for.
-- Bart at the opera, ``Bart the Genius''

Marge: Bart, stop fooling around!
       Homer, stop encouraging him.
Homer: Don't stifle the boy, Marge.  We're  to encourage him.
-- At the opera, ``Bart the Genius''

% The opera continues.  Homer and Bart get bored and make snoring noises.

Homer: Who's the lard-butt?
Lisa:  He's the bullfighter.
Bart:  No way the bull's going to miss a target that big!
-- At the opera, ``Bart the Genius''

% Homer and Bart make flatulent noises.  Marge just covers her face.
%
% Homer grows impatient, but Bart reminds him, ``It ain't over 'til the
% fat lady sings.''  Homer asks, ``Is that one fat enough for you, son?''
% Homer stands up.  ``Let's go get a burger.''
%
% Back at school...

Ms.M: So y = r^3/3.  And if you determine the rate of change in this
      curve correctly, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Class: [chuckles]
Ms.M: Don't you get it, Bart?  Derivative dy = 3 r^2 / 3, or r^2 dr,
      or r dr r.  Har-de-har-har, get it?
Bart: [not amused]  Oh, yeah.  [forced laugh]
-- Making math fun, ``Bart the Genius''

% Bart trudges home and walks past his graffito, now roped off and
% tagged, ``The Principal.  By Bart Simpson.  IQ 216.''  Bart tries
% to join his friends, but they don't want anything to do with him.
%
% Bart glumly eats dinner.  Marge calls to Bart and Homer, ``Come on, you
% two.  Don't forget the film festival!''  She and Lisa leave.  Homer
% apologizes, ``Sorry, Bart.  Your mother bought us tickets for a student
% movie by some Swedish meatball.''  Bart tries to confess, but Homer
% suggests they play catch, which they do into the night.  ``So what was
% it you wanted to tell me, son?''  ``Uh, nuthin' Pop.''
%
% Chemistry class.  Ms. Mellon is unable to find a lab partner for Bart,
% who is busy mixing and matching.  She asks what he's doing, and Bart
% explains that ``it's really top secret, man.''  Ms. Mellon asks, ``But
% you  know what happens when you mix acids and cases, right?''
% Bart responds, ``Of course I do.''  He mixes.
%
% Cut to exterior of the ELCfGC.  The entire top floor becomes filled with
% green goo.  Back inside, everyone is coated in goo.  Bart: ``Sorry.''
% Cecile's hamster escapes.
%
% Bart is called into Dr. Pryor's office (still covered in green).  The
% good doctor wants to know what the matter is.

It doesn't take a Bart Simpson to figure out that something's wrong.
-- Dr. J. Loren Pryor, ``Bart the Genius''

% He asks what he can do, and Bart wants to return to his old class.
% Undercover.  ``I could pretend to be a regular, dumb kid.''  He
% can then study them to ``see what makes them tick''.  Dr. Pryor
% leaves to discuss the matter with Principal Skinner, and asks Bart
% to write up his proposal.  Bart tries to write a proposal, but fails,
% so he instead writes his confession.
%
% Dr. Pryor returns and reads the proposal.  ``You know, you misspelled
% `confession'.''
%
% Bart returns home (still coated in green) and explains that he had a
% little accident in chemistry class.  Homer takes Bart outside to wash
% it off with turpentine.

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors
before he invented the light bulb.
-- Homer, ``Bart the Genius''

% Bart confesses, but adds that ``the past few weeks have been great.''
% He tenderly lists the things the two have done together and concludes,
% ``I love you, Dad.  And I think if something can bring us that close,
% it can't possibly be bad.''
%
% Pause.
%
% ``Why you little!!!!!!!''
%
% Bart makes his escape (naked) through the house (``I think Bart's stupid
% again, Mom,'' remarks Lisa) and locks himself in his room.  Homer pounds
% the door as Bart hops onto his bed, grabs a soda, and reads a comic book.
% Homer tries to sweet-talk Bart out, but Bart catches on.  ``You think
% I'm dumb enough to fall for that?  I'm insulted.''  After a ``D'oh!'',
% Homer resumes his pounding, with even more force than before.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:38]
==============================================================================
Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Updated 1999 Andrew A.
Gill.  Unattributed discrepancies between this and the previous revisions 
are mine.  Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission.
Do as you ought'er, and add acid to water. (The quotes themselves, of
course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles
remain the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for
the compilation.)

Scrabble (tm) is a registered trademark of Selchow and Righter.