Treehouse of Horror VIII            Written by Mike Scully, David S. Cohen and
                                                                 Ned Goldreyer
                                                     Directed by Mark Kirkland
==============================================================================
Production Code: 5F02                       Original Airdate on FOX: 26-Oct-97
Capsule Revision B (21-May-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [If you use these summaries to determine if you found the right capsule,
   here's a TV Guide-like synopsis:  Another three tales of horror. This year,
   Homer is the survivor of a six megaton blast and finds himself stuck in a
   town of mutants. Bart's DNA mixes with that of a housefly causing them to
   trade heads. And finally, we learn the story of the first ever Halloween,
   ala Simpson.]

==============================================================================
> Title Sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard:    None

Couch Gag:     Everybody sits on the couch, then metal helmets fall on their
               heads and they're shackled in place before being electrocuted.
               {ddg}

==============================================================================
> Didja Notice...
==============================================================================
   ... the puddle of oil on the Simpsons' driveway?
   ... the hippo on the news is actually wearing a police hat?
   ... Homer's so called "bomb shelter" has the words "USA #1" written
       on it in untidy handwriting?
   ... Herman was conveiniently holding his hand out during the blast?
   ... most trees are bare due to the blast, but one still has fresh green
       leaves?
   ... foots, knees and arms etc. not attatched to their skeletons on the
       road?
   ... there weren't actually any bees despite Homer's comment on the movie he
       watches at the theater?
   ... how untidily Homer's letters were placed on the church's sermon board?
   ... how quickly the freaks must have formed their group? And found
       eachother after the blast?
   ... even the chalk-faced goons <guitar> was pale?
   ... the freaks don't blink?
   ... Lenny looks like Krusty on some of the shots in the car chase?
   ... even Mr. Burns was touched by the Simpsons' embrace?
   ... a large tower with a satellite dish and some other instruments behind
       Professor Frink's house during the garage sale?
   ... the pulsating brain-in-a-jar at Professor Frink's sale?
   ... how quickly Homer must have began drinking the cat ear medicine?
   ... the classic mousehole on OFF's sitting room's wall by the floor?
   ... Santa's Little Helper's side starts running along just after mutating
       with Snowball II, and Snowball II looks like she doesn't want to be
       pulled?
   ... the double-tailed animal rests on the rug by the TV?
   ... how conveinient is that there is an axe in the sitting room?
   ... Lisa covers her eyes when Bart starts dropping his pants?
   ... at the clifftop, Eddie looks oddly similar to Mr. Burns?
   ... after Marge says she made the townspeople's shirts itchy, the blue
       haired lawyer stood by Lenny scratches his shirt?
   ... Patty and Selma the witches have warts on their noses?
   ... the witches stopped cackling as soon as they touch the ground outside
       the Flanders home?
   ... Ralph is dressed as a gopher the following Halloween?

Donni Saphire-Bernstein:
   ... Ned apparently DOES have a sex drive? :)
   ... Marge didn't have one of those witch hats, like her sisters?
   ... the skullcaps the mayor and his deputies were wearing?
   ... there was apparently no residual radiation from the neutron bomb?
       (despite public claims, I believe there would be at least some.)

Andrew Gill:
   ... Sideshow Mel is Matthias?
   ... the brain in the jar?

Don Del Grande:
   ... this episode is rated PG-V?
   ... Homer's "bomb shelter" box has its "THIS END UP" side pointing down?
   ... Lisa, who thinks stealing cable is a ticket to eternal damnation,
       wants to steal a Ferrari?
   ... Professor Frink has one of those three-post "optical illusion" things?
   ... this is the second year Yeardley Smith's credit was not a play on
       her name?  (Last year she was "The Reaper")
   ... Harry Shearer doesn't have a Halloween-style credit?
   ... this is the first time Alf Clausen's credit didn't say "Music
       Decomposed By"?

Tony Hill:
   ... this ep was apparently done before the TV subratings were introduced?
       (e.g.  TV PG-V)
   ... the Hibbert mutant is slightly darker than the others?
   ... Marge's hair appears as she becomes a witch?  And it's black?

Joe Klemm:
   ... the smiley spooky credit?
   ... the rest consisted of Maggie, SLH, Snowball II, and the TV?
   ... Lisa was in the bathroom when Homer hit her via the transporter?
   ... Homer grabbing a beer when Lisa and Fly-Head Bart were fighting?
   ... Yeardley Smith's spooky credit is Your Mom?

Haynes Lee:
   ... censor censoring episode 5F02? (well, d'uh!)
   ... actual Fox rating is TV PGV?
   ... actual Global rating is PG?
   ... "intel inside" on neutron missile?
   ... Lifer magazine with Matt Groening on the cover?
   ... Frink's motorcycle in garage sale?
   ... Snake in the stockade?
   ... this is the first episode where Patty and Selma never smoked??!!
   ... Marge, Patty & Selma biting the heads off the gingerbread men?

Magmagirl (magmagirl@aol.com):
   ... in "Homega Man", when Homer was mourning his family, little Bart and
       little Lisa both struck hits with their bats, while little Marge
       struck out?
   ... Maggie was included in "all the rest" with Santa's Little Helper,
       Snowball II, and the TV set?

Chadderack (chadderack@aol.com):
   ... Herman (as a skeleton) loses his other arm when Homer puts the empty
       can in his hand?

David Ney:
   ... the Simpsons script that the FOX censor is holding looks exactly    
       like a real Simpsons script? (Mmmmmm... realistic... --hw)
   ... the stoplight still works after a neutron bomb explosion?
   ... Lisa was on the toilet when Homer accidentality punched her in the    
       face?
   ... the basketball courts on the roof of the building in the schoolyard?
   ... even as a fly, Bart is a prankster?
   ... the man sitting to the left of Quimby in the courthouse is the    
       generic lawyer who is almost always opposite Lionel Hutz?
   ... Ned actually resents Maude for not committing "wanton acts of
       carnality"?
   ... OFF's house in the olden days had the same doorknocker?
   ... in this episode James L. Brooks' name is 'Chains Hell Brooks",
       instead of the traditional "James Hell Brooks"?

Werner Peeters:
   ... this episode featured four Rigelians, and we actually get to see
       Rigel IV for the first time?
   ... although a nuclear war is pending, Homer seems to be Herman's only
       customer?
   ... the first man of whom Homer crushes the skull is Kirk Van Houten?
   ... there were actually no corpses in church, which means that nobody
       was worshipping, even when everybody was aware that a neutron bomb
       was about to fall (e.g. newspaper)?
   ... this episode is the first this season actually having "old-fashioned
       style" end credits (Groening-font)?

Damian Penny:
   ... the Fox censor sounds like Smithers?

Phil J. Reed:
   ... the FOX Censor works in a very drab room?
   ... underneath of his jacket, the FOX Censor is dressed like Hans
       Moleman?
   ... the *ding* song made when the Roman numeral "VIII" appears on the
       screen is the same as when the Censor is being stabbed?
   ... Marge's hair conducts electricity?
   ... the French would nuke America if just one town made them angry?
   ... bomb shelters are considered military antiques?
   ... the cannon icon over the door in the French headquarters?
   ... how quickly Quimby can dash to a window?
   ... the green tint to the sky after the bomb blast?
   ... the corpse of the pimple-faced teen at the movies?
   ... Sideshow Mel's broken bone?
   ... mutant Flanders still wears his glasses?
   ... the Simpson family has three shot guns?
   ... the mutants don't die when they are shot?
   ... Bart can't pronounce Einstein?
   ... Homer doesn't quite understand exactly what matter is?
   ... the Simpsons have a yellow plunger?
   ... Lisa was going to the bathroom despite the large transporter's
       obvious presence?
   ... the people of Sprynge-fielde have the same names of those in
       Springfield?
   ... Mayor Quimby has two main parts in this episode?
   ... Lionel Hutz and the blue-haired lawyer in Sprynge-fielde?
   ... Lisa is accused of being a witch _three_ times?

Mark Aaron Richey:
   ... Marge says "...chopping off her head" as the credit for Ron "The 
       One-Headed Man Hause appears?
   ... the cans of steak and beans in the bomb shelter?
   ... the multi-ringed planet above Rigel-4?
   ... the aliens on Rigel-4 don't have helmets?
   ... one of the alien makes the crazy sign with his (her?) tentacle?
   ... the comic book store guy is eating a hot dog?
   ... Marge wiffs?
   ... the expression on Bart's face when Homer makes it home?
   ... Lisa flinches when she fires?
   ... Maggie is clinging to Marge when they stare at the mutants' bodies?
   ... Homer sounds like Dick Vitale when he transports to the top of the 
       stairs?
   ... Lisa is apparently at the toilet when Homer punches her (it's a good 
       thing he didn't go through his plan)?
   ... in his fantasy, Bart flies to Springfield Elementary?
   ... Homer grabs a beer through the transporter while Lisa and FlyBoy are 
       fighting?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... if you go by the p-codes, then the ninth season (5F) started about as
       late as the eighth season (4F)?  (Also, both openers were Halloween
       specials)
   ... the episode was rated TV-PG-V, which means the censors (the real ones)
       didn't also assign an "S" for Homer's nudity?
   ... Homer must've bopped Lisa while she was on the commode?
   ... fly-head Bart rubs his arms together in the same way houseflies rub
       their forelegs?
   ... Moe had an inn in Sprynge-Fielde?
   ... Snake was in the stocks?
   ... Edna is an adulteress (see references)?

Greg Schneider:
   ... Edgar Winter's is, in fact, a mutant?

Benjamin Shyovitz:
   ... Homer doesn't even realize that his butt is on fire?
   ... apparantly, Homer can't tell the difference between Duff and SBII's
       ear medicine?
   ... the 1st witches are Ms. Hoover, Luanne Van Houten, and Agnes Skinner?
   ... In past episodes, Moe has a crush on Marge, yet here he accuses her
       of being a witch?
   ... Rev. Lovejoy calls Flanders "Nedwin", but Maude calls him "Ned" or
       "Neddy"?

Mike Smith:
   ... it's the first TOH since TOH I that Harry Shearer didn't use a
       nickname?
   ... that Yeardley Smith didn't billed with an nickname as such for the
       second TOH in the row (she was billed as "Your Mom")?

Adam Welsh:
   ... the picture on the script cover is quite old?
   ... the censor laughs before disaproving something?
   ... the rating in the corner gets progressively higher as it stabs the
       censor?
   ... Marge thinks the french still behead people?
   ... this is the earliest appearence of Kang and Kodos ever?
   ... Kodos is an ensign? (after 8 years no less)
   ... dead bodies only scare Homer when they're in coffins?
   ... "Easy-Bake Coven" is the first Simpsons' story to take place in 
       history? (didn't "King Homer" in TOH IV? -- hw)
   ... the city in 1649 is spelled "Sprynge-Fielde"?
   ... Nearly every woman in Sprynge-Fielde is named Goodie?
   ... Marge belches? (highly uncharacteristic)
   ... In 1650, everything seems modernized? (save for the houses)
   ... Homer is dressed as a belly dancer?

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, French president, Sideshow Mel, Mayor Quimby)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty, Selma)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders, Ralph Wiggum)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Kang, Comic Book Guy, Professor Frink, Moe, Chief Wiggum)
   - Harry Shearer (Fox censor, Kent Brockman, Herman, Principal Skinner, Ned
        Flanders, Reverend Lovejoy, Lenny, Captain McAllistar)

- Special Guest Voice
   - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabapple)
   - Maggie Roswell (Maude Flanders)
   - Tress MacNeille (Agnes Skinner)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "The Omega Man" (movie)
      - "The Homega Man" spoofs the movie's title {bjr}
      - sketch title "The Homega Man" {jc}
      - the premise (the last man on earth must battle hideous mutants) comes
        from the movie, of course {bjr}
      - both here and in the movie, it turns out that there are a few other
        survivors {bjr}
      - (Point of trivia:  In "The Omega Man," Rosalind Cash plays a character
        named, "Lisa.") {bjr}
      - Charleton Heston watching movie in abandoned theatre {hl}
      - the mutants {hl}
      - ubiquitous bodies {ag}
      - Homer's insanity {ag}
      - scars on the freaks {ag}
      - Homer with his shirt off like Heston in movie {ag}
      - rampant killing {ag}
      - Homer steals (well, he talks about it) a Ferrari.  In the movie,
        Heston steals a Mustang (both have a horse logo...) {ag}

   + "I Am Legend" (novel by Richard Matheson)
      - "The Homega Man" is inspired by the novel, in which a survivor of a
        holocaust discovers that most other survivors were horribly mutated,
        and have all the symptoms of vampirism {sw}

        (S. Wilson also notes, "There are two movie versions, with a third
        planned. `The Last Man on Earth' starring Vincent Price, `The Omega
        Man' starring Charlton Heston `I Am Legend' starring Arnold
        Schwarzenegger.")

        [However, the Arnold Schwarzenegger version shows no signs of
        progress and has since been elimated from the Internet Movie Database.
        Last I heard, the movie was cancelled when the makers found out the
        budget would be over $100 million. --hmw]

   + "Far Side" (comic strip)
      - Page-a-day-calander in bomb shelter {aw}

   + "Operation DESERT STORM"
      - Watching the missile hit the Comic Book Guy in the face from the
        seeker head's point of view {jc}

   + "Terminator 2: Judgement Day" (movie)
      - Another country blows a city in the United States up, and the result
        is a wasteland of skeletons {dn}

   + "Jerry Maguire" (movie)
      - "Show Me the Mummy" is a takeoff of the famous phrase "Show Me the
        Money" in this movie {dn}

   + "The Far Side"
      - many people had the same reaction that Homer did to Gary Larson's
        enigmatic cartoons {bjr}

   + French nuclear testing
      - France uses its nuclear weapons {dp}

   + Intel advertising campaign
      - the French missile had an "Intel Inside" label, indicating its
        guidance system was based on the x86 architecture
        (Boy, those MMX extensions must really be a plus for national defense.
        By the way, what do you suppose our missiles use -- Power PC?  Digital
        Alpha?) {bjr}

   + "Day of the Dead" (movie)
      - dead bodies laying on the road and sidewalk

   + "Gilligan's Island"
      - the "all the rest" bit was from their theme song {mg}

   + "Zombiethon" (movie)
      - Homer sits among the dead in the theatre

   + Spade/Farley movies
      - nothing takes the edge off of nuclear holocaust like a movie by these
        two "Saturday Night Live" alumni {bjr}
        (For the record, David Spade is the smarter, thinner one, and Chris 
        Farley is the dumber, fatter one)

   + "Tommy Boy" (movie, slapstick)
      - Homer watches this movie in the cinema {ds}

   + "Return of the Jedi" (movie)
      - Freak Mr. Burns -- Notice the black hood, white pale face, and the
        line, "Now you will die," Close to, "And now young Jedi, you will
        die" {nl}

   + "Return of the Living Dead Part Two" (movie)
      - zombies pressing against car windows
        Note: this probably has ocurred in many other zombie movies.

   + "The Fly" (movie)
      - Bart's DNA gets merged with a fly's {jc}
      - the fly-head Bart and Bart-head fly come from the 1958 version of
        this movie {bjr}
      - so does the scene where Bart appears to be trapped by the spider {bjr}
      - the transporter looked as though it was transported from the 1986
        remake {bjr}
      - the notion of merging DNA also comes from the remake {bjr}

   + "Spy Vs. Spy" (Mad Magazine strip)
      - "Fly vs. Fly" spoofs the title of this long-running "Mad" magazine
        feature {bjr}
      - it's also lettered in the same font {bjr}

   + "Floyd the Droid" (80s video game)
      - Floyd the Droid at Professor Frink's yard sale {nt}

   + "Planetfall" (Infocom video game)
      - Floyd was a rather ANNOYING robot that followed you from room to room
        saying silly things, occasionally playing with a ball, looking sad if
        you sent him away, and was the solution to at least one of the puzzles

   + "Stationfall" (Infocom video game)
      - Floyd was in the "Planetfall" sequel, "Stationfall" as well {jlp}

   + "Mad Magazine" (magazine)
      - the object Lisa picked up at Frink's garage sale is a famous optical
        illusion illustration -- it can't exist in "normal" space {bjr}

        (Alan Michelson adds, "That optical illusion was a POIUYT, and it was
        also from "MAD" magazine." -- hw)

        (David Sewell notes, "There's a Web page with a picture of Alfred E.
        Neumann holding one and some history of the figure at
        http://www.klab.caltech.edu/~seckel/trident.html" -- hw)

   + Mood shirts
      - Mood shirts changed color with body temperature. Spinoff of mood
        rings in the 1970s (referenced with Professor Frink's mood pants --hmw)
        {hl}

   + "Lost in Space" (movie)
      - Floyd the Robot looks similar to Robby the Robot {bjr}

   + "Maniac Mansion" (TV series)
      - Bart mutates into a fly {aw}

   + Tasmanian Devel (cartoon character)
      - Fly-head Bart's sounds {jk}

   + "Clueless" (movie)
      - Homer's story about what Lenny said is like the dialogue of this film
        {pjr}

   + Easy-Bake Oven (kid's oven)
      - Child's toy lends its name to "Easy-Bake Coven" {bjr}

   + "Hocus Pocus" (movie)
      - Third story, much of plot similar {aw}

   + "The Crucible"
      - Plot of "Easy-Bake Coven" {jk}

   + "MacBeth" (play)
      - More Eye of Newt {jk}
      - three witches {ag}

   + "Hansel and Gratel" (classic story)
      - The eating of children, gingerbread {hl}

   + "Roadrunner" (cartoon)
      - the view of the cliff is similar {pjr}

   + The Salem witchburnings
      - Patty and Selma are burned at the stake {hl}

        (Ken Wunderlich says, "In the case of the Salem witch trials, 28
        `witches' were hung and one was crushed to death with a heavy stone.
        None were burned.")

   + "The Scarlet Letter"
      - Mrs. Krabappel wears a scarlet "A" {ddg}

   + "Bewitched" (TV Series)
      - In the series, witch Endora disapproves of her daughter Samantha's
        marriage to the mortal Darrin Stephens and often intentionally mangles
        his name. (e.g., "Derwood," "Darwin," etc.)  {ol}

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Zombie References:
   - [MG14] Bart says the funeral will be just like a zombie movie, only real
   - [MG32] Homer and Marge think they've turned the kids into zombies
   - [7F24] Homer is zombie-like in Bart's dream
   - [8F02] Homer doesn't want any zombie turkeys
   - [9F04] Many zombies in this episode
   - [1F21] Luigi calls Jacqueline Bouvier a zombie
   - [2F01] The robots attack like zombies
   - [2F03] OFF are zombies in the couch gag
   - [4F06] Milhouse's theory on the disappearance of the parents is that
            zombies are trying to create a race of super zombies
   - [4F17] The town become zombie-like, brainwashed
   - [AABF02] A song by The Zombies is heard while Homer makes juice
   - [AABF04] The old folks act like zombies around the car
   - [AABF22] Bart imitates a teen by walking around like a zombie

- [7G04] OFF gets electrified {bjr}
- [7F04], [2F03] Homer chases family member wielding an axe {aw}
- [7F17],[8F04],[3f21] Frankenstein played {hl}
- [7F21], [3F08] an atomic blast
- [8F02] Homer ignores a salesman's warning {aw}
- [9F04] gratuitous references to zombies in THOHIII {hl}
- [9F04] Bart turning into a fly very much like Lisa turning into a snail
- [9F14] Bart: "Help me!" {aw}
- [1F02] Being in charge of the bee is referenced {dn}
- [1F09] Herman shows Homer something in the backyard of the Military Antiques
         store {dn}
- [2F03] Patty and Selma are witches (and put on a pyre, in the opening
         credits) {wp}
- [2F04] Lisa brings up "Judge not, lest ye be judged" {jc}
- [2F08] Homer and Lisa try to out-sarcasm one another {bjr}
- [2F32] Bart is mischevious butterfly {hl}
- [3F20], [4F15] Think of the children {hl}
- [3G01] NBC and CBS are mentioned in the same sentence {pjr}
- [3G01] "Sure, Kang, I'm writing it all down," similar to Wiggum's invisible
         typewriter {pjr}
- [3G02] Homer putting the syllable "ma" in the middle of a word {pjr}
- [4F03] Homer says "Still got it," in reference to a punch. Probably referring
         to his boxing career {pjr}
- [4F11] Simpsons producers Josh Weintstien and Bill Oakley said that "Homer's
         Phobia" had the most problems with the Fox network censors {hl}
- [4F16] An animal becomes a police officer {dn}
- [4F17], [4F23] "Reign of Terror" {dn}
- [4F19] Lenny smashed against a window {dn}
- [4F22] Homer tries to take a whiz in mailbox {hl}
- [4F22] Spy Vs. Spy referenced (seen in the Mad Magazine office)

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- The episode script cover the censor reads {aw}
              ____________________
             /                    \
             |     The Simpsons   |
             |   {Picture of OFF} |
             |                    |
             |                    |
             |        5F02        |
             |                    |
             \                    /
              """"""""""


- Ratings in Corner {aw}
 _____    _____    _____    _____    _____    _____
| T V |  | T V |  | T V |  | T V |  | T V |  | T V |
|  G  |  | P G |  | 1 4 |  | M A |  | 2 1 |  | 666 |
 """""    """""    """""    """""    """""    """""


- At Herman's bomb shelter lot {bjr}

         +--------------+
         | BOMB SHELTER |
         |   BLOWOUT!   |
         +--------------+


- Stuff in the Withstandinator
   - a bunkbed
   - a ladder
   - cans of steak
   - a radio
   - a medical kit
   - a torch
   - blankets
   - a medical book
   - bottles of water
   - a wooden box of some sort
   - a Gary Larsons calendar


- The mutants {bs}
   - Dr. Hibbert
   - Lenny
   - Moe
   - Mr. Burns
   - Principal Skinner
   - Sideshow Mel
   - Ned Flanders
   - Carl
   - Groundskeeper Willie
   - Chief Wiggum

- Church sign {jp}

+-----------------+
| TODAY'S SERMON: |
|  HOMER ROCKS!   |
+-----------------+


- Springfield Shopper headline {aw}

  -------------------------------
  | NEUTRON BOMB HEADED          |
  |  FOR SPRINGFIELD!            |
  |          Hippo Promoted      |
  |           to Detective       |
  |           {Picture of Hippo} |
  -------------------------------


- Sign on the van near the chalk-faced goons

            +----------------+
            | JOHNNY & EDGAR |
            |  WINTER TOUR   |
            +----------------+


- Sign at start of "Easy-Bake Coven" {aw}

    +------------------------------+
    |                              |
    |       Y N G E - F I E        |
    |   P R                 L D    |
    | S                         E  |
    |                              |
    | First Toil, Then the Grave!  |
    |                              |
    +------------------------------+


- At the witch burning {mar}
   - Skinner
   - Mel
   - Moe
   - Ned
   - Rev. Lovejoy
   - Maude
   - Helen
   - Lenny
   - Homer
   - Marge
   - Bart
   - Lisa
   - Maggie
   - Quimby
   - Wiggum
   - Lou
   - Eddie
   - Nelson
   - Luann Van Houten
   - Agnes Skinner
   - Miss Hoover (the last three getting burned)

- People in costumes {mar}
   - Ralph as a gopher
   - Sherri & Terri as angels
   - Nelson as the Devil
   - Lisa as a Native Indian
   - Homer as (I Dream of) Jeannie
   - Ned as a shepard
   - Rod and Todd as sheep
   - Bart as a pirate
   - Wiggum as an aristocrat
   - Moe as Robin Hood
   - Skinner as a jester


- This year's credits {ddg}

   - It's a yearly tradition to alter names in the episode's credits to
     sound more spooky than they actually are. Here are this year's many
     changes, noted by Don Del Grande.
     (commas indicate line breaks)

     Opening credits:
     Created by BAT GROENING
     Developed by CHAINS HELL BROOKS, BAT GROENING, SAM "SAYONARA" SIMON

     Beginning of the first story:
     Co-Executive Producer GEORGE MEYER
     Co-Executive Producer DAVID ;^( COHEN
     Co-Executive Producer THE DEVIL IN RICH APPEL
     Producer DAMN GREANEY
     Producer RON "THE ONE-HEADED MAN" HAUGE
     Producer DON "OF THE DEAD" NICK CARY
     Co-Producers BRIAN SPINE-CHILLER SCULLY, GHOULIE HACKER
     Consulting Producer JAUNCIDED JACE RICHDALE
     Consulting Producer IAN MAXTONE-BOO!
     Consulting Producer DECADENT DAVID MIRKIN
     Consulting Producers THE LATE BILL OAKLEY &
                          THE ESTATE OF JOSH WEINSTEIN
     Consultant SCARY JOHN SWARTZWELDER
     Supervising Director JURASSIC JIM REARDON
     Produced by THE NOTORIOUS A.B.V.
     Produced by J. MONKEYSHINES MENDEL, BONE TO PICK PIETILA
     Produced by REALLY UNRULY RICHARD RAYNIS
     Produced by RICHARD "I WISH I WAS DEAD" SAKAI, LA FEMME SIRKOTA
     Ghostwritten by MIKE SCULLY, DAVID S. COHEN, NED GOLDREYER
     Directed by MAD DOG KIRKLAND

     End of the third story:
     Executive Producer MIKE "AGENT" SCULLY
     Executive Producers CHAINS HELL BROOKS, BAT GROENING,
                         SAM "SAYONARA" SIMON

     Closing Credits:
     Starring DAMNED CAST-IN-HELL-DEAD-AAAH!, GHOULIE KAVNER,
              NOCTURNAL NANCY FRIGHTWRIGHT, YOUR MOM, HACK AZARIA,
          and HARRY SHEARER
     Special Guest Voice MACABRE WALLACE
     Also Starring HATCHET HEAD HAYDEN, TERRIFYING TRESS MACNEILLE,
                   MAGGIE "AREA 51" ROSWELL
     Executive Consultant BRAD "NEVERMORE" BIRD
     Animation Executive Producer PHREAKY PHIL ROMAN
     Animation Producers LOUISE "LUGOSI" ARIES, NORBID MIKE WOLF
     Executive Story Editor NEEDFUL THINGS GOLDREYER
     Story Editors WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE O'BRIEN?,
                   THE THING THAT WOULDN'T DOYLE
     Staff Writer MATT "DEATH OF A" SELMAN
     Associate Producer ALISON "MY REIGN OF TERROR IS OVER" ELLIOTT
     Theme by DANNY ELFBLOOD
     Music by SHEER TERROR CLAUSEN
     Casting by BONE TO PICK PIETILA
     Editors SHELDON BRANDON BRIDGE, DIABLO DON BARROZO,
             LYCANTHROPIC LEE HARTING
     Animation Production Manager for Gracie Films JOEL "PUFFY" KUWAHARA
     Post Production Supervisor DOMI "BLACKULA" BRO
     Post Production Coordinator ALEXANDER "SHOW ME THE MUMMY" DUKE
     Dialogue Sound Editors BOBBY "THE SCARY MOOK" MACKSTON,
                            TERRIBLE TERRY GREENE, NORMAN "BATES" MACLEOD
     Music Maligner LEPEROUS LEDESMA
     Sound Effects Editor TRAVIS THE TREPHINATOR POWERS
     Re-Recording Mixers R. DANGEROUS SMITH, BILL FRANKENFRESH
     Creative Consultant BAT GROENING
     Executive Creative Consultant CHAINS HELL BROOKS

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= After TV-MA, the rating TV-21 appeared, but there's no such rating.
  (There's no TV-666, either, but I think everybody figured that one out.)
  {ddg}

* A neutron bomb wouldn't burn all the flash from your skeleton in a fraction
  of a second. It would just kill all life (*just* all life? --hmw). {wp}

= Homer stops three cars behind the traffic light, but magically moves up to
  second place when he gets out to yell. {bjr}

= The late Mr. Van Houten's car has a conventional trunk in some shots, but
  is a hatchback in others. {bjr}

= The skeletons on the road weren't there before Homer noticed them.

* If everybody's dead, then who's operating the camera at the cinema? Homer
  doesn't seem smart enough to me to do so. {wp}

= Homer's pants suddenly appear back on him. {pjr}

= Freak-Mel wasn't carrying a flaming-torch before, but is when he yells at
  Homer about the volume of his voice.

= The positioning of the mutants changes during the scene in the church at
  different camera angles.

* Since Ned has a bomb shelter (2F11), he shouldn't have become a freak.
  (The bomb shelter was destroyed by the meteor, remember? --hw) {aw}

* A 6 megaton blast would wipe out a lot more stuff then what was salvaged.
  (eg. the movie theatre) {aw}

* With all good will, lead paint in a house wouldn't stop a neutron bomb
  from killing everyone inside. {wp}

* In "The Cartridge Family" Marge won't allow Homer to have even handgun in
  the house, and she goes as far as spending the night in a hotel with the
  kids for their safety. But then she allows them to use _shotguns_?
  (Of course, we can excuse this due to the lack of continuity in the
  Halloween episodes... but writers, you won't be so lucky next time!)

* It looks very un-Marge-like to wield a gun and use it, let alone to have
  her children wield one (but this is a Halloween special. --hmw). {wp}

= The money bag diappears when it goes through the matter transporter. {pjr}

= There was no mist when SLH & SBII went through the matter transporter, but
  there was when Bart & the fly went through. {bs}

= The animal butts walk back into the transporter, but don't get transported.
  {mar}

= It's dark outside and inside when Bart mutates the animals and himself, but
  when the rest of the family enters the room, it appears to be morning or
  daytime outside.

= When Bart the fly is flying around freak-Bart's face trying to lure him
  back to the matter transporter, freak-Bart isn't sat next to Marge, but on
  the next camera angle he is.

* If all that was different about fly-Bart and freak-Bart was each of their
  heads having swapped bodies, freak-Bart shouldn't have been able to stick
  to Lisa's bedroom ceiling.

= The microwave is placed next to the doorway that lead to the TV room, and
  usually, the microwave door swings left. but, when Lisa about to send the
  Fly/Bart back to the transformer, the microwave is placed next to the fridge
  and the door swings right (It's because of the transformer is on the right
  of the fridge, and she have to use the door button to knock the Fly/Bart
  into it)! {ms}

= When Lisa opens the microwave door that hits freak-Bart, sending him
  stumbling back into the matter transporter, the matter transporter unit is
  further away from the refridgerator than it was before.

* Scientists now believe that the compound eyes of an insect each see a 
  part of a total scene, rather than multiple copies of the scene.  (The 
  result looks like a low-res computer image.)  Of course, we'd have had 
  to give up that impressive point-of-view shot... {bjr}

= In the beginning of Easy-Bake Coven, Ms. Hoover was on the left of
  Skinner's mom and Milhouse's Mom was on her right, but in a later shot, Ms.
  Hoover is on the right and Milhouse's mom was on the left. {jk}

= When Marge the witch and her sisters raid the Flandereses, each of them is
  carrying a bag.....Marge's bag disappears inside their house but reappears
  outside. {mr}

= The number of gingerbread children increases between the time Maude picks
  up the plate and the time she gives them to the witches. {mar}

* The actual test for finding a witch was to throw the accused in water. (not
  off a cliff) {aw}

* I hesitate to bring this up, but Carl and Lou were involved with town
  functions (in Easy-Bake Coven), and African Americans were viewed as slaves
  by the puritans, who were never invited to town functions. {dn}

= When they are all chasing Lisa, Wiggum is no longer a gopher. {pjr}

= Since pirates didn't appear until the eighteenth century, Bart shouldn't
  have been dressed like one. {aw}

* Burning at the steak was never a punishment for witchcraft in the USA. {ddg}

= Louanne Van Houten was burned at the stake, but could be seen in the crowd
  at Halloween a year later. {mar}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold:  Worthy of being compared to past great Treehouses of
   Horror.  "The Homega Man" was strong, "Fly vs. Fly" was adequate if
   anonymous, but "Easy-Bake Coven" was a gem.  An encouraging sign: If 5F01
   and succeeding episodes live up to this potential, then we can safely put
   the 4F23 ugliness behind us forever.


Donni Saphire-Bernstein:
 ["The Homega Man"] Wow. This is what the Treehouses of Horror should be all
   about. Funny, absurd, stream-of thought...the Simpsons, but in a much
   wackier vein than usual. Homer dancing naked in a church, "It better not be
   those zombies," the moose...just plain perfection. It flowed so fluidly 
   that even when you weren't laughing, your attention never wavered. And the 
   Comic Book Store guy, too! What more could you ask for?  (A+)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] It was way too gross in my opinion. Frankly, I can do without
   Bart with a fly's head- or Bart teasing an extremely scary-looking spider.
   Still, it was quite funny. Marge & Homer cheerfully ignoring their
   flyheaded son trying to murder Lisa, Homer punching her through the 
   transporter... and of course, the whole Frink's garage sale scene was gold.
   Due to gratuitous nastiness...  (B)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] Last came the weakest and dumbest plot. Marge as a witch?
   It was way too hard to believe. The whole plot beyond where they pushed her
   off the cliff was raw and undeveloped, kind of as if someone pitched the
   story and they wrote it down verbatim, without changing any of the
   half-baked ideas. It, too, was funny; but I'm sure they could've spent half
   an hour and come up with a much tighter, more understandable plot.  (B-)

 [Overall] (B)


Ben Collins:  This ties with THoH V (2F03; Season 6) as my favorite Halloween
   special ever. It manages to be extremely funny and, yes, scary.

 ["The Homega Man"] The premise of Homer alone in Springfield makes for much
   hilarity (especially the nude church scene), the mutant scenes are
   thought-provoking and somewhat scary, and the end is touching and very
   funny. A return to such sensitivity is a good sign, especially for a THoH
   episode.  (A-)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] Definitely the strongest of all the stories. This one
   really does its job: beautifully done, with Bart's panoramic camera angles;
   nonstop laughs (the stair, bathroom and beer scenes) and a little bit
   scary, too.  (A)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] There are many missed opportunities, and the plot
   pacing is a little slow (first aired work by Ned Goldreyer), but it is
   still thoroughly entertaining and very funny ("The Bible says a lot of
   things").  (B)

 [Overall] I haven't had such a good time watching The Simpsons since
   "Homer's Phobia." If this level of quality can be kept up through the 5F 
   cycle (decent gags along with that human element), we could have a season
   rivaling the third. Go Mike Scully!  (A)


Chris Courtois:  This years "Treehouse of Horror" was a welcome return to
   form after last year's disappointing outing. All 3 segments were solid,
   and the introduction waswitty (a hell of a lot better than Homer setting
   his arm on fire!) and timely. I enjoyed this one enough to give out my
   first A's since "Summer of 4 foot 2". The parodies were hilarious, but
   mananged to work as stories apart from their source material - something
   that has been sadly lacking in references in recent seasons (in a typical
   post-Season 4 reference, the joke *is* that it's a reference).

 [Intro] (A)

 ["The Homega Man"] The first part, with Homer running amuck in deserted
   Springfield, a la Charlton Heston, was great. It bogged down in the
   last part, when it turned into a retread of "Dial Z for Zombie",
   although the last scene with Marge and the shotguns redeemed it. (A-)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] The best of the three. The idea of Professor Frink
   holding a yard sale was inspired, as were Homer's various (and inevitably
   mundane) uses for the teleporter. I nearly bust a gut when Homer moved
   one pod into the bathroom.  (A)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] Pretty good spoof of witch-hunts and mass hysteria.
   Loved Krabapple's scarlet letter. The origin of trick-or-treat was
   classic ("they're boneless!").  (A-)

 [Overall] Only a flat, what-the-hell-was-that ending dropped this one
   down to...  (A-)


Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
 ["The Homega Man"] It was, IMHO, the best of the three.  It provided many
   laughs, and that's what really matters in the Halloween episodes. I don't
   really have any specific comments on this one.  (A)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] It started out well.  I loved Homer's assessment of the
   machine (Two bucks...and it only transports matter...), and the multitude 
   of uses that Homer found for it.  The family's reaction to the Bart-fly 
   was pretty funny, too, but the ending was quite disturbing, even for a 
   Halloween episode.  (B-)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] Probably the weakest of the three, but it had its
   moments (like the caramel cod and Edna's scarlet letter).  Witch hunts
   are parodied so frequently, and I might have preferred seeing something a
   little more original, but I did laugh.  (C+)

 [Overall] Overall, I think the episode deserves a... (B)


Tony Hill: As usual, it was another hilarious Hallowe'en episode.  The
   matter transporter sketch was the best.  We should be glad Homer only
   *punched* Lisa.  Imagine what could have happened if Marge hadn't stopped
   him...  (A-)


Jukka Keskiaho: I think it was very disappointing episode. I was expecting a
   lot more. Only good thing was a start which was a very funny.


Joe Klemm:  From the opening bit where the ratings kill the censor, this is a
   way better Halloween episode than last year. Liked how the family has guns
   in the Homega Man, the ending of Fly vs. Fly, and Bart's butt joke and
   Ralph's line about the witches in Easy-Bake Coven. It was also great to see
   Tress get involved this year. However, I did want to see Homer pee via the
   transporter.  (A-)


Mike (thisthat@mindspring.com):  Treehouse of Horror VIII... the anticipated
   annual Simpson event was not to shabby... especially 'Fly vs Fly'... the
   best installment since last year's 'The Thing and I' (which was also seen
   tonight on FOX).  As usual... with all THOH's, the events do not correspond
   with continuity... time and space... and all those other annoying things
   that hold back the creativity of animation.  (B-)


Haynes Lee: The first two segments were very weak with a good finale. The
   censor scene will be a classic.  (C-)


Ondre Lombard:
 [The opening] An INCREDIBLE improvement upon last year's opening, which is
   the second instance of an episode giving reference to Simpsons production
   codes. The "Fox Censor" routine has to be the easiest Fox rip Simpsons has
   ever done since Fox doesn't really seem to have censors.  (I'm being
   facetious of course.)  (A-)

 ["The Homega Man"] This one had a very looney beginning, which is rather
   forgettable.  In fact, the whole "tale" was forgettable.  It had some good
   jokes though: the gratuitous use of "Le," "Intel Inside," Homer and the
   Green Light, Homer's breakdown after the bombing of everyone, the "Homer
   Rocks" sermon, Homer dancing naked, and the end when Marge fakes out the
   mutants.  (C+)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] Prof. Frink's garage sale was funny, and a lot of the
   routines with Homer's frivolous uses for the transporter were hilarious.
   A solid, humorous skit.  Highlights: the sounds the Fly-Bart made.
   Lowlights: The ending, which wasn't that funny, and might've been better
   if it were a bit more twisted.  (B-)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] This was more like a humorous documentary on the
   origin of Hallowe'en, and the history of the witch superstition.  It
   picks up when Marge reveals that she's a witch and meets with her sisters
   Patty and Selma. Highlight: The entire sequence with the Bouvier witches
   and the Flanderses. Lowlights: Much of the ending.  (C+)

 [Overall] It was quite funny, but didn't pack the punch of the older
   Treehouse of Horror stories.  Fortunately there seemed to be an effort to
   make it somewhat scary unlike last year's.  It seems the THoH series has
   been haunted by age.  The opening was wonderful though.  (B-)


David Ney: Oh my God!  What a hilarious episode!  The FOX censor scene was
   absolutely brilliant.  I was ROTFL.  I haven't laughed that hard since 
   Gentle Ben!  I loved all 3 of the stories, and I especially loved 
   Frink's garage sale!  I would have bought those psychedelic pants in a 
   second!  This episode lives up to Treehouse of Horror status.  (A+)


Werner Peeters:
 ["The Homega Man"] Quite nice, yet sometimes a little grim. Naked Homer
   in the church was classic though!  (B)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] Somehow it reminded me a lot of Homer's timetrip (THOH5)
   and Dial Z for Zombies (THOH3); somebody starts experimenting with powers
   beyond their control, and a lot of mayhem is caused because of that. This
   segment withstood the comparism with the older THOH-showings.  (B+)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] Simpsons making a time trip, why not? Patty and Selma
   were convincing witches, and linking the witchcraft persecutions with Ned
   and Lovejoy was a nice typecasting.  (B) -- because the ending was a bit
   too mellow.

 [Overall] (B)


Damian Penny: I thought this was one of the weaker Halloween episodes.  The
   opening scene, with the Fox censor, was hands down the high point, and
   there of course there were some other good moments (Ralph's line, Mayor
   Quimby saying "I stand by all my ethnic slurs") but this one just wasn't as
   clever as prior Halloween shows.  (B-)


Phil J. Reed:
 ["The Homega Man"] Superb! Grand!  One of my all time favorite Halloween
   segments now, second only to "Time and Punishment." Everything was perfect.
   And Homer's line, "Oh, Spade, why did you put Farley in charge of the bees?"
   had me laughing so hard I thought I was going to die.  During the
   commercials it would pop into my head, and I'd laugh all over again! (A+)

 ["Fly vs. Fly"] Eh, it was okay.  (C)  Would be a D, if not for Frink's
   garage sale.  (I loved those pants!)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] Pretty good.  They managed to fit a lot into a short
   period of time.  Homer was out of character at the end, but other than
   that, no complaints.

 [Overall] I can't remember laughing so much in one night. Three great
   episodes back to back to back!  The Censor opening was _by far_ the best
   yet, but my favorite THoH is still V.  Unless, of course, "The Springfield
   Files" is now classified as a Halloween episode.  Then it takes the cake
   without a doubt. (B)


Mark Aaron Richey:
 [Opening] (A-)

 ["The Homega Man"] A bit rushed (the only one of the three that feels that
   way), but very funny, nevertheless.  Only Homer would react to being the
   last person alive by taking in a David Spade/Chris Farley movie and
   dancing naked in church.  As I said, the mutant attack was a little too
   quick (maybe a little less setup), but had an appropiately gory ending.
   (B+)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] Bart's wrongheaded attempt to turn into SuperFly instead
   made him a SuperFreak (don't you just love my 70's refs?) in a
   suprisingly sharp parody of "The Fly".  One good moment was when Bart
   realized that Homer and Marge couldn't hear him, and there was a
   genuinely creepy moment when Bart and Lisa realized that the FlyBoy was
   on the ceiling.  Some great stuff at Prof. Frink's garage sale and a
   good Halloween twist to the usual Homer-chases-Bart scene.  The fate of
   SLH and Snowball II was also very humorous.  (A-)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] Natually, Springfield (I mean Sprynge-Fielde) would be
   spending 1649 burning the entire female population at the stake in an
   effort to figure out which witch was which.  Not so predictably was that
   Marge would turn out to be the only real witch in town (of course, she
   is the sister of Patty and Selma-their witchhood came as a big
   surprise).  Unfortunally, the episode veered a little bit out of control
   when it was revealed that Marge was an evil witch, witch...er, which was
   out of character (it was a Halloween episode, but still...) and I'd have
   rather seen Marge attempting to fit in Sprynge-Fielde or try to be her
   old mothering self than originate trick-or-treating.  Still, it was very
   clever and highly enjoyable.  (B+)

 [Overall] While this "Treehouse" isn't one of the best ones, it's still
   chock full of laughs and great black humor in the great Simpsons Halloween 
   tradition.  (B+)


Benjamin Robinson: While TOH VIII didn't quite reach the heights of III or VI,
   it was a decent entry in one of the most unique holiday series on TV today.  
   "Fly vs. Fly" was the best episode; it lacked any jarring shifts in 
   tone and had an abundance of good gags.  The endings for "The Homega 
   Man" and "Easy-Bake Coven" clashed with the shorts' beginnings, but 
   each short had something to recommend it.  (B)


Matt Rose:
 ["The Homega Man"] Very good - put Homer in a universe all by himself and
   see what happens. Homer managed to be his usual bumbling stupid self
   without it being forced and overdone - some cute jokes (like the Intel
   slam) and an ending which isn't what you expected to happen (consistent
   with previous ToH's).  (B+)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] The best of the three for me, partly because of the
   appearance of my favorite secondary character (Professor John Frink) but
   also for the plot. Bart was his evil self, Lisa was the one to save
   everything, and what Homer did with his matter-transferring device was
   very funny. And again the humor wasn't shoved in my face.  (Grade: A-)
 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] The weakest for me but still decent - seeing an Evil
   Marge was somewhat refreshing.  (B-)

   [Overall] Nothing like a good Halloween Special to follow a classic the
   week previous... I hope that this is a sign of what's in store for the
   5F series because this one to me was fairly strong. Overall, about in the
   middle of the ToH series and funnier than last year.  (B+)


David Vance:  Absolutely perfect. My new favorite Halloween special, maybe
   second only to #4. Homega Man was great. I was happy that there wasn't a
   sappy ending. (A) Fly vs. Fly is now my favorite Halloween short. Frink's
   first appearance of the season was funny and Homer's activities with the
   transporter were hilarious. (A+) Easy-Bake Coven was also very funny.
   Patty and Selma as witches was the best part. (A)


Adam Welsh:
 ["The Homega Man"] Very well done and writen. I laughed at Homer trying to
   remember his lost loves. Homer and Lisa trying to get the last word was
   also funny. Best of all was the ending which had me ROTFL!  (A+)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] Not as good as "The Homega Man", but a good effort,
   nonetheless. The ending, however, has been done before (2F03) though it
   wasn't an ending then. Still, all the fly humor was well done. (B-)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] A very good story about how Halloween was invented,
   (very funny at times, too). It still could have been better though. (C+)

 [Overall] The best episode of the season so far is also the best Halloween
   episode to date!  (B)


Yours truly:
 [Opening] One of the funniest openings of any Treehouse of Horror episode
   ever. (A)

 ["The Homega Man"] The best one of all, for myself. A truly great and
   hilarious plot idea which is carried out very well. The idea of Homer
   dancing naked in the church is the kind of thing you could expect to see
   in earlier seasons, and that's always a good thing. I laughed out loud
   many a time during this skit. Well done.  (B+)

 ["Fly Vs. Fly"] Another great plot. Frink's garage sale is classic, as are
   many other instances in the episode (Bart's animal creations, teasing the
   spider). Not as funny as "The Homega Man," but not bad.  (B)

 ["Easy-Bake Coven"] For some reason I always like third skit the least, and
   this year has been the same. Some of the funniest jokes in the episode, but
   the story is too weak. Still a pleasure to watch.  (B-)

 [Overall] This year's Halloween special has proved that the Simpsons have
   still got it, or at least when they're given this yearly chance to take
   wild stabs at continuity and do some outlandish things. Very good,
   overall.  (B+)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> The Ratings System For Dummies

Mark Aaron Richey:  TV ratings-Introduced in January, the TV ratings were born
   amid concerns of the increase in sex and violence on TV (not just on NBC
   and CBS).  Based on the movie ratings, they were divided into two sections
   -- children's programming, which got either a TV-Y, or TV-Y7 for shows
   aimed at older kids, and regular programming, which was divided into four
   categories.  TV-G was for general audiences.  TV-PG was for shows deemed to
   need parental guidance.  TV-14 was for shows deemed inappropriate for
   pre-teens and younger; and TV-MA was for shows that only adults should see
   (despite the fact that most TV-14 programs would be rated PG in movie
   theaters, and even many non-premium TV-MA programs would be hard pressed to
   get a PG-13.

   The new ratings, which were implemented reluctantly by the broadcast and
   cable networks, were immediately controversial.  Networks and TV 
   producers thought the new ratings would lead to censorship, while 
   activist groups thought the ratings didn't convey enough information 
   about the show's contents.  They also thought that the networks 
   shouldn't be ratings the programs themselves (like an outside board 
   could watch and rate every single episode of every single show on the 
   air).

   Unfortunately, the activist groups won, and at the beginning of this 
   month, the system became more confusing.  Last summer, Congress talked 
   three of the four major networks and the cable networks into adding more 
   letters--V, S, D, and L--to the already needless ratings even more 
   confusing (NBC is the lone holdout).



>> NBC-style sex, and CBS-style violence

Mark Aaron Richey:  NBC-sytle sex-Many of NBC's sitcoms, including their two
   most popular-"Friends" and "Seinfeld"-are, to say the least, rather risque.  
   In fact, it's a rare Thursday night (or Monday night, or Tuesday night, 
   CBS-style violence-While NBC features massive bedhopping, CBS shows seem 
   to have lots and lots of action violence.  The biggest culprit is 
   "Walker, Texas Ranger", since Walker, Texas Ranger's solution to just 
   about every crime is to beat the perps to a bloody pulp (even though the 
   show is filmed in my hometown of Dallas, and I occasionally will 
   reconize some landmark or another on the rare occasions I feel like 
   killing brain cells, on Wednesday night, or Sunday night) when at least one
   character on one show doesn't get lucky, and then describes it in a double
   entrende fest.


>> The Omega Man

Mark Aaron Richey:  1971 sci-fi thriller starring Charlton Heston as a
   scientist who escapes a plague (the result of a nuclear holocaust) and
   has to battle hooded ghouls in an effort to save the human race.  It
   wasn't well received.  It was the second film based on a novel by
   Richard Matheson called "I Am Legend" (the first was a 1964 Vincent
   Price movie called "The Last Man on Earth).  A third version, finally
   titled "I Am Legend" and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming out
   next summer. (not anymore --hw)


>> I don't get it.

Mark Aaron Richey:  Gary Larson Cartoonist who created "The Far Side", a truly
   weird (but very funny) strip that abounded with cows, insects, mumu-wearing
   old women, and other assorted gags.  Many of Larson's gags sailed right
   over the head of the average reader, and some of them sailed over the head
   of just about everybody.


>> Intel Inside

Mark Aaron Richey:  The world's leading maker of computer chips.  In fact,
   it's more than likely that the computer you are reading this on right
   now is powered by an Intel chip.


>> David Spade and Chris Farley

Mark Aaron Richey:  Spade & Farley-Comic duo (one fat and stupid, one thin
   and sarcastic) who rose to fame on "Saturday Night Live" before being
   teamed in the hit 1995 movie "Tommy Boy".  That proved to be such a
   success that they reappeared together in the 1996 film "Black Sheep".
   That one didn't go over quite as well.  Both of their movies were road
   films, which had a continuous pattern of Farley doing something stupid,
   Spade would make a sarcastic, than Farley would do something stupid again.
   Critics were not amused.


>> The Mutant's Car

Mark Aaron Richey:  I may be wrong, but it looks reminiscent of the of the 
   car from the mid-70's Hanna-Barbara cartoon "The Groovy Ghoulees".


>> Spy Vs. Spy

A section that appears in every issue of "Mad Magazine" about two spies who
   both look identical, except where one of the spies is black,
   the other is white (clothes, at least). They're constantly fighting
   eachother, much like Itchy and Scratchy, with various weapons and traps.
   The segment "Fly Vs. Fly" used the correct font on the title.


>> The Fly

Mark Aaron Richey:  1958 sci-fi thriller about a scientist whose experiment
   goes horribly awry, resulting in him being turned into a fly.  The "Help 
   me!"'s came from that film's climax.  Unlike Bart, the fly did not 
   escape.  It was gorily remade in 1986 with Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis.


>> Superfly

Mark Aaron Richey:  1972 blaxploitation film about a Harlem drug dealer who
   is going for one last score before retiring.


>> Easy-Bake Oven

Mark Aaron Richey:  Real working oven designed for little girls in the early 
   60's.  These things weren't dangerous, since they gave off almost no 
   heat, but they did actually cook cookies.  Made by Kenner.  I'm not sure 
   if they still make them today, but I think they do.


>> The Salem Witch Trials

Mark Aaron Richey:  In early 1692, two girls began acting very strange in
   Salem, Mass.  Doctors concluded that they were under the influence of
   witches.  The girls accused three women in town of placing them under a
   spell.  Two of the women denied it, but one, the family slave of one of
   the girls confessed, and "revealed" a conspiracy of witches in Salem.
   That began a year-long hysteria in the town. By the end of the year,
   twenty men and women had been hanged as witches. The girls weren't the
   only ones hurling accusations.  Respected townspeople came forward and
   "confessed" that they had witnessed witchcraft.  Over the next nine
   months, many innocent people were tried and found guilty with no real
   evidence.  Finally, in October, the royal governor put a stop to the
   madness, and the executions were stopped. Arthur Miller based his 1952
   play "The Crucible" on the trials, but "Easy-Bake Coven" is really not
   a parody of the play or the movie released last November.


>> Bewitched

Mark Aaron Richey:  60's sitcom about a mortal named Darrin married to a
   witch named Sam.  Sam's family hates the match, and can never remember
   his named, usually calling him Durwood.


>> Spooky names!

Benjamin Robinson:  A Halloween tradition on "The Simpsons" is to give all the
   major staff members spooky nicknames.  This year was no different, and I've 
   decided to list the references to movies and the like that I could find.

   - Ron "The One-Headed Man" Hauge:  Reference to the one-armed man of "The
     Fugitive" Fame
   - Don "of the Dead" Nick Carey:  "Dawn of the Dead"
   - Jurassic Jim Reardon:  "Jurassic Park"
   - The Notorious A. B. V.:  rap act the Notorious B. I. G.
   - Brad "Nevermore" Bird:  ... quoth the raven (from Edgar Poe's "The
     Raven," of course)
   - Needful Things Goldreyer:  "Needful Things"
   - What Ever Happened to Baby Jane O'Brien:  "Whatever Happened to Baby
     Jane?"
   - The Thing that Wouldn't Doyle:  I'm not sure, but I think there was a
     movie called, "The Thing that Wouldn't Die"
   - Matt "Death of a" Selman:  Death of a Selman
   - Joel "Puffy" Kuwahara:  reference to rap artist Puff Daddy
   - Domi "Blackula" Bro:  "Blackula"
   - Alexander "Show me the money" Duke:  overworked catchphrase from "Jerry
     McGuire"
   - Norman "Bates" MacLeod:  After the psycho from "Psycho," Norman Bates


>> Neutron Bombs

Jeff Cross: A neutron bomb is a special type of nuclear weapon designed to
   eliminate the bad guys without destroying the surrounding area or
   equipment.  It accomplishes this by not including the outer uranium
   shell, which would collect the neutrons from the first fission
   detonation in a standard nuke and create the expected shockwave and
   blast.  The only lethal aspect of this weapon is the radiation, which
   lasts only a couple of days.


>> Why Spade Put Farley In Charge Of The Bees

Jeff Cross: "Saturday Night Live" survivors David Spade and Chris Farley
   have become something like Abbot and Costello with their last two movies
   "Tommy Boy" and "Black Sheep;" in both these films, Farley plays a
   fat, well-meaning goofball and Spade a sarcastic weasel.  The only
   major difference between these two films is that "Tommy Boy" has them
   as executives at a Sandusky, Ohio car parts factory, and "Black Sheep"
   has them working on the gubernatorial campaign for Farley's brother.


>> Kill the people, keep the castles

Benjamin Robinson:  During the cold war, the people living in Europe couldn't
   help but notice that, with America to the West and the Soviets to the East, 
   they stood to be right in the crossfire should hostilities break out.  
   In particular, they were concerned with intermediate-range weapons, 
   which were intended to destroy enemy troops in Europe, along with any 
   European citizens unfortunate enough to be in the neighborhood.  One 
   of the complaints was that, in the event of a nuclear war, famous 
   landmarks that stood for hundreds of years would be annihilated.  
   Using their Yankee ingenuity, the Americans came up with an ideal 
   solution.  No, they didn't pledge to dismantle their intermediate-
   range missiles -- don't be such a fool.  The solution was the neutron 
   bomb.  When detonated, this bomb would unleash massive doses of 
   radiation, killing soldiers (and civilians, and household pets, and 
   wildlife) while leaving most buildings in good shape.  (Well, if your 
   definition of "good shape" allows for heavy irradiation.)  This is how 
   the French missile managed to zap nearly everyone in town, while 
   leaving the town itself standing.

   One can only imagine how relieved the citizens of France, Germany, 
   England, et al, were when they received the news of this considerate 
   new weapon.


>> And number one on the mutant countdown ...

Benjamin Robinson: Johnny and Edgar Winters are blues/rock guitarists who
   are, I believe, albino.  Fittingly, given their appearance in a
   Halloween special, Edgar Winters recorded an instrumental song called,
   "Frankenstein."  Not familiar with it?  Cue up your tape of
   "Homerpalooza (3F21)" and go to Homer's '70's flashback.  The song
   playing while Homer tries to check out the Third (second, isn't it? --hw)
   Basemobile is "Frankenstein."


>> Just for fun!

Russell Christiansen lists things OFF could have done in the empty town.

   01. Steal all the beer available.
   02. Bowl free games at the Bowlarama.
   03. Go to Bob's RV Round-Up and snatch the Ultimate Behemoth (and the
       rest of the RVs) since Bob was presumed dead in nuclear explosion,
       probably after the Ferarris.
   04. Maybe Bart could mow the lawn better with a sit-down lawn mower.
   05. Rob a bank.
   06. Take over at SNPP.
   07. Hey, Bart can play Bonestorm now.
   08. Lisa could have a one-girl band now. (Rob the music store) And play
       the blues in the band. (Dead Largo)
   09. On the other hand, Krusty is dead.
   10. Bart could rampage around the school wrecking everything.
   11. And, Bart might be able to steal comics at the comic book store.
       (Since that guy IS dead! Maybe he can get another copy of Radioactive
       Man #1 if he's lucky.)
   12. Homer could steal the Flanders' satellite dish and unlock all 230
       channels.
   13. Anyone hungry for Mr. Burns' money? (He can get that million that he
       couldn't get! AND MORE!)
   14. Hey, Bart can shoplift freely now.
   15. If Springfield WAS where that chocolate factory was, Bart could go
       there and run it himself!!!
   16. Get more Spinemelter 2000's.
   17. Squishies anyone?

Greg Schneider continues:

   18. Lisa could have taken every Malibu Stacey accessory from the nearest
       mall.
   19. Bart could have gotten in some demolition practice by destroying every
       building in downtown Springfield with a wrecking ball.
   20. Marge could have not only thought about items she'd like to purchase,
       but actually gone to the store and gotten them.
   21. And Homer can FINALLY plop down on the couch and get in some quality
       time watching T.V.  Mmmmmmmmm, T.V.


>> Oh, it's a POIUYT!

Joe Klemm: The iten Lisa picks up in Fly vs Fly is the POIUYT. It is a weird
   optical illusion that is popular in Mad Magazine. The object's name is
   six typewriter letters backwards starting with P.


>> Edna K's Scarlet A

Joe Klemm: The Scarlet A is big during the seventeenth century. The A is
   worn by people who commited adultery to people that they are not married
   to. The letter was the inspiration of the Nathan Hawthorne book, the
   Scarlet Letter, which was later ruined by Demi Moore.

Adam Welsh: Mrs. K has a red letter A on her dress in "Easy-Bake Coven".
   This is, without a doubt, a take on the 1995 movie "The Scarlett Letter"
   starring Demi Moore. The principal behind this picture was that Moore's
   character had committed adultery. In the seventeenth century (which is
   when the movie took place), adultery was a very serious crime, and
   consiquently, Moore was sentenced to wear the Scarlett Letter "A" for the
   rest of her life. The movie, BTW, was a major box-office bomb! I thought
   it was displayed better in this story.

Jason (st951215@pip.cc.brandeis.edu): Problem was, if Krabapple had a
   Scarlett Letter there is NO WAY she would have been allowed at that
   meeting!

Michelle (ufqtipper@aol.com): If you think about it, it's appropriate;
   she's a Mrs. Krabappel, and has been going with Skinner for a season.
   In the book, Hester was not condemned to death because her husband
   wasn't there and there was no proof that he was alive; Krabappel's
   husband left her. 


>> Oh, goody

Benjamin Robinson: In colonial times, "goody" was short for "goodwife," a
   term similar to today's "Mrs."  The term survives today in "Little Goody
   Two-Shoes," which was the title of a children's story of the time.


>> Where is Springfield?

Haynes Lee: Missile headed towards Ontario, Canada. There is a Springfield
   in Ontario near route 401 (which explains Springfield's low voter
   turnout in American elections).


>> Bats in the hair!
Haynes Lee: An old wives tale about bats getting entangled in womens' hair.
   Of course, Homer does not have any.


>> And I would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for these meddling
   writers!

Matt Rose: Perhaps the appearance of the "Intel Inside" logo on France's
   nuclear missile was an inside slam at Bill Gates' supposed "world
   domination" plans (in terms of software).


>> Everybody's a critic...

Benjamin Robinson: ... it's just that some of us get paid for it. Orlando
   Sentinel television critic Hal Boedeker surveyed some of the upcoming
   week's faire and had to say about tonight's episode.

   "Simpsons" on target

   In its ninth season, "The Simpsons" shows no signs of fatigue or 
   flatness.

   The animated series opens its Halloween show tonight with pithy, on-
   target jabs against TV's new content ratings.  (The new episode airs 
   at 8, locally on WOFL-Channel 35, after two "Simpsons" repeats.)

   The series also provides priceless takeoffs on "The Omega Man" (Homer 
   Survives a nuclear bomb), "The Fly" (Bart merges with one), and "The 
   Crucible" (Marge is accused of being a witch).

   The last one, a hilarious history of our scariest holiday, will 
   probably be TV's finest Halloween treat this week.


- Musical References {hl}:
   - Johnny Edgar Winter Band (known for hit rock instrumental Frankenstein).
   - War (the original version, not the Bruce Springsteen hack job)


- Explenation of references {mar}

   - Devil in Rich Appel-"The Devil In Miss Jones", an early 70's porno.

   - Don "of the the Dead" Nick Carry-"Dawn of the Dead" classic 1978 horror
     film from George Romero about flesh eating zombies attacking four people 
     barricaded in a shopping mall.

   - "La Femme" Sinkota-"La Femme Nikita"-1991 French action film about a 
     former drug addict turned government assassin.  Remade as "Point of No 
     Return" in 1993 and later turned into a USA series.

   - Mike "Agent" Scully-Agent Dana Scully, played by Gillian Anderson, is 
     one of the characters on the Fox hit "The X-Files" (Anderson, of course, 
     played Agent Scully in [3G01] "The Springfield Files").

   - Maggie "Area 51" Roswell-Area 51 is supposedly the secret army base in 
     Nevada where the bodies of the aliens that crashed in Roswell, NM in 
     1947 were supposedly taken.  Seen in 1996's "Independence Day".

   - Brad "Nervermore" Bird-"Quoth the raven 'Nevermore'".  Line from Edgar 
     Allen Poe's poem "The Raven", as heard in [7F04] "Treehouse of Horror".

   - Lolee "Lugosi" Aries-Bela Lugosi, star of Dracula (a role he was 
     typecast in for the rest of his career).

   - Needful Things Goldreyer-"Needful Things", 1991 Stephen King novel (and 
     1993 movie) about a mysterious store that opens up in a small Maine town 
     that has everything any town person would want-but for a price.

   - Whatever Happened to Baby Jane O'Brien-"What Ever Happened to Baby 
     Jane", 1962 black comedy/horror about two sisters, one a former child 
     star, the other now in a wheelchair, who loath each other.  Approately 
     enough, stars Bette Davis and Joan Crawford also loathed each other in 
     real life.  Remade as a TV movie in 1991.

   - The Thing That Wouldn't Doyle-"The Thing That Wouldn't Die", a cheap 
     1958 horror movie.

   - Matt "Death of a" Selman-"Death of a Salesman", possibly America's 
     greatest play, about a salesman who discovers that his whole life has 
     been worthless.  Written by Arthur Miller.

   - Domi "Blackula" Dro-"Blackula", an early 70's blaxploiation horror film.

   - Alexander "Show Me the Mummy" Duke-a variation on "Show Me the Money", 
     which quickly became last winter's catchphrase of choice after being 
     shouted out loudly several times by Tom Cruise and Cuba Gooding, Jr. in 
     the hit "Jerry Maguire".

   - Norman "Bates" MacLeod-Norman Bates (played by Anthony Perkins) was a 
     nice young man who ran a run-down motel in the middle of nowhere and had 
     an unusual relationship with his mother in Alfred Hitchcock's 1962 
     classic "Psycho".


- An article submitted by Benjamin Robinson:

   "'Simpsons,' not Series, won young viewers"

   (From wire reports)

   For anyone under the age of 35, The October Classic apparently does 
   not refer to the World Series anymore: It refers to the Halloween 
   episode of "The Simpsons" (8 p.m. Sundays).

   In a development that underscores the problem that major league 
   baseball has created for itself in attracting young fans, the seventh 
   game of the World Series on Oct. 26, which otherwise attracted 
   enormous ratings as a television event, was not the event of choice at 
   8 p.m. for adults between the ages of 18 and 34 and teenagers.

   In those categories, and even in a separate category consisting of 
   just men aged 18 to 34, the "Treehouse of Horror VIII" episode of "The 
   Simpsons" beat the game in the ratings.

   Indeed, aside from the seventh game, "The Simpsons" episode beat every 
   other World Series game last week among all viewers under 49.

==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
% The episode opens with a Fox censor looking through an episode script of
% The Simpsons, episode 5F02 (this episode).

No (crosses out line). No (crosses out line). Nnnno (crosses out line). Hahaha
hya hya, hah hah nnnnoo (crosses out line). Mmmmm, I think we can do without
the crack-pipe. (notices "you") Oh, hi! As the Fox censor it's my job to
protect <you>, from reality.
-- The Fox Censor, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

And thanks to my prudent editing, tonight's Simpsons Halloween special has
been rated TV-G! (TV-G rating appears in the top left of the screen) This
means there will be no raunchy NBC-style sex, or senseless CBS-style violence.
-- Fox's censor, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

So sit back and enjoy a night of worry free-- (as he is talking, a hand
holding a knife appears from the MPAA rating box, and stabs him in the back)
Ow! Aaaahh! What the fudge? (as the hand stabs, the MPAA rating changes from
TV-G, TV PG, TV 14, TV MA, TV 21, TV 666, each time a stab happens) Oh, for
Pete's sake!! Jiminy Christmas! Aaaaaahhhhh!! (he collapses on the table and
blood pours down the front, with spaces reading the episode's title) Darn it...
-- Fox's censor, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

[end opening sequence]

"The Homega Man"

% Our favorite family are sat in the TV room watching the latest news. Kent
% Brockman's report takes place.

Kent Brockman: And that's how an heroic hippo became a deputy.
        Homer: [annoyed] Stupid hippo.
Kent Brockman: This just in, tensions continue to mount between Springfield
               and France over Mayor Quimby's now famous frog's legs joke!
               The French president has threatened swift and massive
               retaliation if he doesn't recieve an immediate apology.
        Homer: [annoyed] Stupid frog.
-- Stupid everything, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Kent Brockman: We now go live to Springfield's city hall for Mayor Quimby's
               response.
 Mayor Quimby: I stand by my ethnic slur!  Do your worst, you filthy,
               pretencious savages!
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Marge: Homer, you know how unpredictable the French are. One minute they're
       kissing a woman's hand, the next, they're chopping off her head!
       What if they start a war?
Homer: Relax, I built a bomb shelter!
       (camera reveals an opening-faced-down cardboard box, complete with a
       sun umbrella and the words "USA #1" written scruffily on the side,
       stood in the back garden.)
-- Thank God for that! "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

 Lisa: That's not going to protect us from anything!
Homer: Fine, then don't use it.
 Lisa: I won't.
Homer: Good.
 Lisa: I know it's good.
Homer: So do I.
 Lisa: I'm happy for you.
Homer: You should be.
-- It runs in the family, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Later, Homer is checking out some bomb shelters situated behind Herman's
% military antiques store.

Herman: Now, this baby is called "the Withstandinator." It can take a six
        megaton blast. No more, no less.
 Homer: (excited) Oooh!
-- Mmmmm... precise... "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer checks out the inside. It's not very roomy, but there are enough
% material possessions to keep him entertained. At least for the duration
% of a bombing. Blankets, steak, a radio, and a Gary Larson calendar.

I don't get it. (turns page) I don't get it. (turns page) I don't get it.
(turns page) I don't get it. (turns page) I... don't get it.
-- Homer looking through a Gary Larson calendar, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Meanwhile in France, a group of suited goons are sat around a long table.

We will show the stupid Americans who le clutzy frog, eh?
(his associates laugh, their necks inflating as they do so like that of
frogs)
-- Stupid frog, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% He pushes a button. As a result, the Eiffel Tower splits in two in opposite
% directions, and a shuttle emerges from the ground, taking to the skies.
% It whizzes by Kudos and Kang's flying saucer. So close, in fact, that the
% Rigellions have to swerve away from it to avoid impact.

   Kudos: What the hell was that?
    Kang: (speaking into microphone) Calling home planet! This is Kang
          reporting a cigar shaped object moving at tremendous speed!
Superior: (on distant planet in control room) Surrrre, Kang, I'm writing it
          all down. (him and his fellow superior laugh amongst themselves)
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% The missile flies around Springfield. Mayor Quimby pops his head out his
% window -- "I bet I'll get blamed for this."
% Meanwhile, the Comic Book Guy is walking along the sidewalk eating a
% hotdog and reading an issue of "Aquaman".

(Dramatic) But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from
two different worlds! (the missile closes in on him) Oohh, I've wasted my
life...
-- Comic Book Guy, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% The missile detonates, sending a huge mushroom cloud enveloping Springfield.
% After the explosion, Homer exits the bomb shelter he was in, eating a canned
% food of some sort with a spoon.

You call that prime rib? Euchh. (Homer puts the can on Herman's dead, skeleton
hand. His only hand left, in fact. His arm gives way to the weight and falls
the floor.)
-- Homer, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer drives around in the oddly skied Springfield. He comes to a small
% traffic jam. Impatiently, he honks his horn.

It's green, moron! Earth to stupid guy. Hello?! (he gets out and strolls to
the car in the front of the queue) Maybe a little friendly punching will
move your tail! (he punches the unskinned skull of Kirk Van Houten, which
crumbles under his fist and drops to the ground) Still got it! (claps the
dust from his hands)
-- Homer, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer looks around, noticing the many dead people laying on the ground, in
% cars, everywhere. He notices a dead newspaper boy holding out today's copy
% with news on the cover regarding the blast. He realises what's happened.

Everything's gone!! (tearful) Little Bart (image of Bart swinging a baseball
bat, crack of the ball sounds)... Little Lisa (same image, replacing the word
"Bart" with "Lisa")... Little Marge (Marge swings, but we hear the air
swoosh as she misses the ball)... and the rest! (image of the TV, the pets,
and Maggie.)
-- Homer realising he's lost everything, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Oh, I've lost everything, I can't go on! (comes to his senses) No. No, no!!
I can't just wallow in sadness! It's time to laugh again! (laughs girlishly)
I'm the last man alive, and I can do everything I've always wanted!!
-- Homer, taking things too well, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer sits in the theatre among the deceased, watching a Chris Farley/David
% Spade movie. Spade and Farley run around in circles. We can hear bees, and
% the slapstick pair gasping and shrieking.

Oh, Spade... why did you put Farley in charge of the bees?
-- Homer, watching "Tommy Boy," "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Hey, buddy, down in front! (kicks a head which falls off) Heh heh heh heh.
-- Homer at the theater among the dead, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Next in Homer's good times, he leads the church sermon "Homer Rocks".
% He dances about naked in the church, a stereo playing loudly, and singing
% along all the way. But he is rudely interrupted by a group of mutants
% resembling past citizens of Springfield wearing black cloaks, who switch
% off his stereo.

Hey, what happened to the tune? (sees Mob) Aaaah! Hey, what the hell's going
on? Where'd you get those cloaks?
-- Homer seeing a group of mutants, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

(loud voice) Silence!  (normal voice) You're talking too loud.
-- Mutant Sideshow Mel, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Not all of us died in the blast, Homer. Some of us were merely horribly
mutated! (laughs)
-- Mutant Hibbert, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Homer: (gasp) You're mutants?
  Moe: Uh, we don't like the word `mutant,' Homer. We prefer `freaks.' Or
       `monsters.'
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Skinner: We're creating a perfect race, in which the mistakes of the past will
         be eliminated.
  Burns: And now... you must die.
         (the freaks close in on Homer, moaning. Homer grabs a candle pole
         complete with three lit candles)
  Homer: You want me, come and get me!
    Moe: Get him!
  Homer: D'oh!
-- In the church, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

(Homer runs away from the hideous freaks into a parked black car outside.)
Ahhh!! A.. a coffin!
(the freaks climb onto the car from all sides)
-- Homer, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer starts up the car, and accelerates, sending the freaks flying from
% the car.  Elsewhere, two pale musicians are stood in the street, talking.
% Homer approaches in the car.

Die, you chalk-faced goons!
(drives into them. They are thrown into the air over the car.)
-- Homer escaping from the freaks, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% The freaks also have obtained a car of their own. A bizarre-looking race
% car. They're all piled up in there, on the sides, on the top.

Come on! We just wanna eat your skin!
-- Freak-Lenny, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer rams into their car, and then speeds up, and eventually reaches his
% house, slamming the brakes in the garden. He rushes into the house and
% slams the door behind him, gasping for air after this frightening
% experience.

Safe at last...
(the doorbell rings)
That better not be the mutants.
(opens the door to see the mutants)
Aaaaaahhh!!
-- Homer, after narrowly escaping some mutants, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Marge appears from behind Homer.

   Marge: Homie, is that you?
          (the kids appear)
   Homer: Marge, kids, you're alive!
    Lisa: All the layers of paint in this house made the perfect bomb shelter!
   Homer: Awww, come here!
          (the family embrace)
  Freaks: Awwwww...
  Wiggum: Kinda brings a tear to your eye-socket.
          (he pokes his eye, which pops out)
 Hibbert: Hmmmm. Through the midst of all the killing and skin-eating, somehow
          we forgot the looovvve.
     Moe: Yeah, ain't that always the way, you get nuts with the skin-eating.
Flanders: You know, I don't see any reason why freaks and norms can't get
          along!
  Freaks: (all mutter in agreeing tones)
Flanders: We can all work together to build a Utopian society, free of
          violence, hate, and prejudice!
   Marge: That sounds beautiful, Ned. And let me just say my family and I
          share your vision for a better-- NOW!
          (Marge and the kids draw shotguns, and blast the freaks a couple of
          feet back, leaving them in a pile.)
          Hm, friends with mutants. Rrright!
   Homer: Now that's the Marge I married.  So! Who wants to steal some
          Farraris?
          (all cheer, agreeing with Homer)
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

[end of act one]


"Fly Vs. Fly"

% It's a sunny day, and our favorite family are browsing through odd items
% at Professor Frink's garage sale. There are many tables in the garden,
% each with wonders of the world.  Lisa picks up a Poiuyt, the optical
% illusion often featured in Mad Magazine.

Wow, look at all these gadgets... if I were a nerd, I'd be in heaven!
-- Lisa at Professor Prink's garage sale, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Professor Frink: Good morning, ma'am. (looks at watch) Good afternoon, sir.
                 It passed noon while I was speaking so that was techinically
                 accurate.
          Homer: (to Marge, almost whispering) He's crazy.
-- Technical talk, "Treehouse of Horror"

% Bart picks up a pair of plasticy pants which are rapidly changing color,
% or colors as it were. He asks Frink how much they are, Frink asking how
% much Bart's got.  As they speak, a robot with wheels attempts to escape the
% garage sale by placing a sign with the word "sold" on it onto his case.
% Professor Frink pulls him back.  Meanwhile, Homer is checking out what
% looks like some sort of booth. He walks into it whistling, only to be
% zapped into a duplicate of the booth, only elsewhere in the garden.

          Homer: (comes out of other side of matter transporter) Hmmm!
Professor Frink: I take it from that little impressed noise that you are
                 interested in purchasing that matter transporter, sir.
          Homer: (not fond of the price, hearable in voice) Ummmmmmm... two
                 bucks... it only transports matter... ummm... well, ah...
                 I'll give you thirty-five cents.
Professor Frink: Sold! But I must warn you, this device carries a
                 frighteningly high risk of catastrophic--
          Homer: (annoyed) I said I'll take it!
-- Wise choice, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

This mountain of stairs used to make bedtime a grueling chore, but not
anymore, baby! (walks through matter transporter unit one, emerges from
matter transporter unit two, at the top of the stairs. Homer doesn't
realise, but his pants are on fire.) Heh heh heh heh heh. Good night, losers!
-- Homer, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Man, how'd I ever live without this thing? (puts arm into matter transporter
unit one, arm comes out of matter transporter unit two which is in the kitchen
by the refridgerator. He reaches inside hoping to pull out a can of Duff, but
actually grabs a can of cat ear medicine.) Euuuuaagh.. blewww.. ohhh.. oh, man
that's good.
-- Homer, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer finds other uses for the matter transporter, such as making it easier
% to go to the bathroom. He positions one of the matter transporter units and
% takes down his fly, but Marge stops him before he can actually use this
% method. He groans in disappointment.

 Bart: Hey, dad, can I use the transporter sometimes? Please, I swear I'll be
       careful!
Homer: Sorry, but this is a highly sophisti-ma-cated doo-wacky. If you don't
       use it responsibly, KA-BLAM-O! (Homer outstretches his arms to add
       emphasis. One of them goes into the matter transporter.)
 Lisa: (in another room of the house) Ow, somebody just punched me in the
       face!
Homer: It was your mother!
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% It's night time, and Bart sneaks to a unit of the matter transporter. He
% pushes the cat and dog into the unit at the same time. Lots of smoke comes
% from the unit, and we hear a buzzer indicated some kind of error on the
% matter transporter's half. The animals also bark and meow. From the smoke,
% a new form of animal emerges -- a dog-like body, but with both Santa's
% Little Helper and Snowball II's heads.

(looks at new animal, a dog-like body with Santa's Little Helper's head, and
Snowball II's head where his butt should be) Cooool, twice the pet and none of
the mess! (Out comes another creature, with two tails and no heads.) Ohhh,
ohhhh... you can be Lisa's.
-- Bart, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% An annoying fly buzzes around in the room, giving Bart an idea. He imagines
% what he'd look like if he went into the transporter with the fly -- his body
% but wings that can fly, and fly-features. He then fantasises flying above
% the town and to Springfield Elementary school. "Look, in the sky! It's
% Superfly!"

Oh, I'd be stupid <not> to do this!
-- Bart with his idea of turning into a fly-boy, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Bart catches the fly, and enters the unit. We again see the smoke, and hear
% the buzzing sound. Out comes Bart the fly! But his original idea didn't
% quite happen, and he has the tiny body of a fly, only with his own head and
% a much higher voice.  Marge begins coming to the room, wondering what's
% with all the mist. Bart the fly attempts to escape by flying out the open
% window, but continuously flies into the glass without will of his own.
% The family enter the room, and Homer questions whether Bart has forgotten
% their little kablamo talk. Out of the unit comes a creature -- Bart's
% usual body, but with a huge fly's head. The family scream, and Marge grabs
% a broom and starts knocking the new creature on the head with the brush end.

 Lisa: Mom, stop! (checks paper printed from the of matter transporter.)
       According to this, Bart mixed up his DNA with a fly's. I think that's
       Bart!
       (the creature growls, making funny noises.)
Homer: I think she's right. The pants are a dead-giveaway.
-- I, mutant, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Oh well, he may be a freak, but he's still my son. I'm sure we'll grow to
accept him in time. (the clock ticks for a little, and within the hour, our
favorite family - including freak-Bart - are sat around the breakfast table
eating.)
-- Marge, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Homer tells a joke about something Lenny said, leaving the family in
% laughter. Freak-Bart slurps on a plate of syrup. When he finishes the syrup,
% he bangs it on the tabletop wanting more. Marge gives the fly what he
% wants.  Lisa explains there's one thing she doesn't understand.

 Lisa: There's one thing I still don't understand. When Bart went through the
       transporter, what happened to his head?
Homer: Oh, it'll turn up somewhere.
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Elsewhere, Bart the fly is apparently stuck on a spider's web, and is
% for help. The spider - giant compared to fly-Bart - climbs his web over to
% fly-Bart. Fly-Bart flies from the web, and slaps this spider about, and
% flies away. The spider shakes his legs in anger at fly-Bart.

% Back at the Simpsons home, freak-Bart and Homer are sat on the couch
% watching TV. Freak-Bart is slurping on a bag of sugar. Homer attempts to
% take the sugar for himself, but gives in and lets freak-Bart keep it when
% it becomes obvious this freak isn't going to share.
% Fly-Bart is buzzing around in the room, and sees the imposter. Fly-Bart
% flies around his parents' faces, shouting he's the real Bart, but of
% course, they can't here a word. As fly-Bart buzzes around Marge's face, she
% shoos it away. Bart avoids Marge's attacking hand, and buzzes around
% freak-Bart's face, trying to bribe him back to the matter transporter by
% talking about the garbage he could be eating in no time. Instead, freak-Bart
% chases after fly-Bart, trying to kill it. Fly-Bart flies out the window,
% avoiding hitting the glass this time, and into the outside. Freak-Bart
% slams shut the window, and Homer comes over and gives him a fatherly kiss.
% Slime strings from Homer's mouth as he moves away.

% That night, Lisa is in her room sat at her desk, her work lit by lamp.
% Fly-Bart lands on the lampshade, and his shadow appears enlarged on the
% light's beam on the wall. We can see fly-Bart's mouth moving, trying to
% talk, but we hear no sound. Lisa realises, and tells Bart to fly into her
% saxaphone so she can get an amplified sound. 

Fly-Bart: Help me, Lis! That giant fly stole my body and now he's trying to
          kill me!
    Lisa: Oh no, and I let him borrow my toothbrush!  Well, that hideous
          creep doesn't scare me.
          (some slime drips from the ceiling. Lisa looks up and sees
          freak-Bart up there, sending Lisa running out the room screaming.)
-- Not scared, eh? "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

 Lisa: (running away from freak-Bart) Mom, dad, help! He's trying to kill me!
Homer: Nobody likes a tattle-tale, honey.
Marge: (disappointed) They're like this every rainy day.
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

(Freak-Bart grabs Lisa) Get my filthy hands off my sister!
-- Fly-Bart, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Freak-Bart grabs fly-Bart and begins to consume him.

No, don't eat me! You don't know where I've been!
-- Fly-Bart, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Freak-Bart puts fly-Bart into his slimy mouth anyway. Lisa scolds freak-Bart
% and pushes the microwave open/close button. The door swings open, hitting
% freak-Bart in the face and sending him staggering back into the matter
% transporter. Bart comes out, back to normal!

Homer: Well, we were lucky this time. But it's all too clear that some things
       in this universe aren't meant to be trifled with.
       (grabs an axe)
Marge: Homer, what are you doing?
Homer: Something I should have done a long time ago. (to Bart, angry) I'll
       teach you to mess with my machine!!
 Bart: Aaaaaaaaaahh! (runs away, Homer follows)
Homer: I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me thirty-five cents!! You're just
       making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!
-- I think we've all learned a lesson today... "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

[end of act two]


"Easy-Bake Coven"

% It's the 1600s, Sprynge-Fielde and there seems to be a town gathering. Mayor
% Quimby charges some woman - who look eerily familiar - with the crime of
% witchcraft.

You are all hereby found guilty with the crime of witchcraft. I sentence you
hags to be burned at the stake until you are deemed fit to re-enter society!
-- Quimby of 1649, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Wiggum tells the boys to fire up the stake -- they do so. Nelson laughs.

  Agnes: (burning on stake) See you in hell, Seymour!
Seymour: (cheerful) Goodbye, mother!
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

 1649 Lisa: If they're really witches, why don't they use their powers to
            escape?
1649 Homer: That sounds like witch-talk to me, Lisa.
 1649 Lisa: Never mind!
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

1649 Flanders: Well, that's 75 witches we've processed. That oughtta show God
               whose side we're on, eh, Pastor?
 1649 Lovejoy: Yes, Nedwin, but we have many more strumpets to incinerate.
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% In the church...

1649 Lovejoy: Ladies and gentlemen, there is still a witch among us.
 1649 Quimby: Let us open the floor to, uh, wild accusations.
  1649 Homer: Woo-hoo! I accuse Goodie Flanders!
              (noises from the attendance)
1649 Skinner: I accuse Goodie Badwife.
 1649 Wiggum: Uh, we killed her on Sunday.
    1649 Mel: Well, there must be someone we can accuse.
   1649 Bart: Lisa Simpson!
   1649 Lisa: Bart, quit it!
   1649 Bart: She put a spell on me! (brainwashed) Must.. drop.. pantaloons.
              (starts dropping pants. Marge grabs him before he can.)
  1649 Marge: Hmmmm! Let's come to our senses everyone! This witch-hunt is
              turning into a circus!
    1649 Moe: She's the witch!
              (attendance agrees)
1649 Skinner: I was just about to accuse her.
-- At the court, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

    1649 Marge: This is crazy! I'm not a witch!
1649 Krabapple: Ha! Then how come your laundry is always <much> whiter than
                mine? (holds up grey laundry)
-- That's because she uses Faz, now with bleach! "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

    Everyone: Burn her!!
 1649 Quimby: Everyone, let us not turn into an angry mob!
              (immediate silence)
              Goodie-Simpson is entitled to due process!
              (cut to clifftop)
 1649 Wiggum: OK, here's how the process works. You sit on the broom and we
              shove you off the cliff.
  1649 Marge: What?!
 1649 Wiggum: Well, hear me out, if you're innocent, you will fall to an
              honorable Christian death. If you are, however, the bride of
              Satan, you will surely fly your broom to safety. At that point
              you will report back here for torture and beheading.
1649 Skinner: Tough, but fair.
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

  1648 Lisa: Stop! Doesn't the Bible say `Judge not lest ye be judged'?
              (crowd in mutters amongst themselves)
1649 Wiggum: The bible says a lot of things, shove her!
-- At the clifftop, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Marge is pushed off the cliff, leaving her family screaming. Marge also
% screams as she falls to her apparent doom. Reverend Lovejoy explains that
% they have performed the Lord's work and sent a good women into his-- but
% a green-skinned, black haired Marge flies from the cliff bottom back to the
% top. The crowd gasps as Marge cackles.

(Marge the witch cackles evily on her broomstick. Homer says, nervously) OK,
now, let's not jump to conclusions, everyone...
-- Homer, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

Well, I'll be a son of a witch!
-- Bart, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

 1649 Marge: That's right, I'm a witch! I'm the one who whithered your
             livestock, soured your sheep's milk, and made your shirt itchy!
 1649 Lenny: Hey, you destroyed my turnip crop!
 1649 Marge: No, that was gophers.
1649 Wiggum: Impossible, we burned all the gophers!
 1649 Marge: Not all of them!
             (she turns Wiggum into a large, human sized gopher with a
             military helmet on his head. "Ow ow ow ow!!")
-- Marge the witch, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% In revenge for pushing her off the cliff, Marge the witch turns Eddie and
% Lou into a snowman (Eddie) and a pink-clothed.. person (Lou).

Lou (Snowman): Alright, everyone, nothing to see here.
Eddie (fairy): Yeah, show's over, alright? Move along.
-- Come on, gather round! "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

1649 Marge: As for the rest of you...
            (her hair pulsates, and bursts open, sending a swarm of bats
            flying after the townspeople.)
1649 Homer: (running away) Aah! Aah! They're in my hair, they're in my hair!!
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% In a cave somewhere, Patty and Selma, the witches, are cooking over a
% couldren.

1649 Patty: (tastes) This needs more eye-of-newt.
1649 Selma: You always want more eye-of-newt. If it were up to you, the brew
            would be nothing but newt-eyes.
-- In the ol' cave, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Marge the witch flies in.

Well, look who it is! If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cat!
-- Witch Patty/Selma (which one... who knows!) "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

1649 Marge: What a day... they found out I was a witch so I had to leave my
            family!
1649 Selma: (glad) Really... so you finally left Derwood.
1649 Marge: His name is Homer.
-- ... Oh. "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Meanwhile in the Flanders home, Goodie-Flanders is looking up at the cave
% where the witches reside, worried about the not-to-distant future.

1649 Maude: Oh, Neddy... look at them up there, plotting our doom! They
            could force us to commit ronten acts of cronality! (sex. --hw)
  1649 Ned: (laughs disappointedly) Pf, yeah, that'll be the day.
1649 Maude: What's that, Ned?
  1649 Ned: Uh, we shouldn't fear the witches, Maude! We're already
            thirty-five, we've both gone way past our life-expectancy.
-- At the Flanders home, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Maude adds that there are tales of witches coming to normal folks' houses
% and eating their children! As it happens, the witches have been watching
% over the Flanders' conversation all the while through their couldren. One
% of Marge's sisters considers this a good idea!

Mmmmmm, eat their children!  Jeez... we were just gonna swipe their shoes! But
a good idea is a good idea.
-- Marge's witch sister, Patty/Selma, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% The witches take to the skies on their brooms, cackling until the touch the
% ground outside the Flanders house, where they stop cackling immediately.
% The witches knock on the door, and converse with the Flanders from outside,
% and explain their plan of eating the children.

(the witches knock on the door)
  1649 Ned: Who is it?
   Witches: Witches!
1649 Maude: Um, whaddya want?
1649 Marge: We're here to eat your kids.
  1649 Ned: (voice indicates he has a plan) OK, come on in... (opens door) and
            look at this!! (holds up crucifix)
1649 Patty: Oh, puh-lease. (pushes past)
-- Damn legends, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

1649 Patty: Now, make with the kids.
            (the 1649 versions of Rod and Todd walk into the sacks, and the
            witches close up the tops.)
  1649 Rod: (from inside sack) Don't blame yourself, daddy.
 1649 Todd: (from inside sack) You did everything you could!
-- They suuuurrre did, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% Ned tells Maude to do something, as they witches walk away outside. Maude
% hurries, and offers them some gingerbread men on a plate. The witches stop
% as Ned mentions them being boneless. They return to the doorway and taste
% these gingerbread men, and obviously find them more tasty than a child could
% ever be! They drop the sacks with the kids inside and scoff down gingerbread
% men.

% Later on, the witches leave the Wiggum home, and Ralph waves them off from
% the doorway.

 1649 Ralph: Bye, witches, thanks for not eating me!
1649 Wiggum: (still a gopher, pops head round) Yeah, you hags are alright!
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% The witches compare their treats from a night's work. They decide scaring
% people into giving them treats is fun, and that they should do it every
% year. They fly away on their brooms, cackling.

% The camera pans to Captain McAllistar, who is sat on a rock smoking his
% pipe. He closes a book.

Yarrr. And that's the story of the very first caramel cod. I mean..
halloween. And it wasn't long before this yearly custom became an annual
tradition.
-- Captain McAllistar, "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

% One year later, the people of Sprynge-Fielde are wandering around the
% streets, dressed in costumes, comparing treats, and trick-or-treating.
% Homer throws eggs at a door, and one egg at a window, smashing the glass.

1649 Homer: Come on, give us some candy! Don't pretend you're not home.
 1649 Lisa: Dad, that's <our> house!
            (the townspeople laugh at Homer.)
1649 Homer: She's a witch!!
            (the townspeople shout things like "get her!" and chase her
            into the distance. Homer looks pleased with his work.)
-- "Treehouse of Horror VIII"

[end of act three]

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ag}  Andrew "Aaaaaaaaaaggggghhhh!!!" Gill
{aw}  Adam "AXE" Welsh
{bjr} Benjamin "Blair Witch" Robinson
{bs}  Benjamin "Bloodline" Shyovitz
(ddg) Don Del "Dawn of the Dead" Grande
{dn}  David "The Dark Half" Ney
{dp}  Damian "Damien" Penny
{ds}  David "Die!" Schnitzer
{hl}  Haynes "Hellraiser" Lee
{jc}  Jeff "Judge Death" Cross
{jk}  Joe "Jingle All The Way" Klemm
{jlp} Jeniffer L. "Petrified" Piatek
{jp}  "Heeeeeeeerrrrresss Jouni!" Paakkinen
{mar} Mark Aaron "Ram's Blood" Richey
{mg}  "Liquid hot mag-ma" Magmagirl
{mr}  Matt "Maximum Overdrive" Rose
{ms}  Mike "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Smith
{nl}  Noah "Nightmare on Elm Street" Levine
{nt}  Nicholas "Noooooooo!!!" Tolstoshev
{ol}  Ondre "The Langoliers" Lombard
{sw}  "Screaming" S. Wilson
{wp}  Werner "Wah ha ha haa!" Peeters

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F02] capsule copyright 2000, Hari Michael Wierny, and The Simpsons Archive.
(The quotes remain the property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the
property of their respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the
compilation.) Not to be redistributed in public forum without the permission
of the author. Quotes and scene summary transcribed by yours truly.

Sincere thanks go to Benjamin Robinson, who helped me make this capsule the
best it could be, and Frederic Briere, without whom's valuable help, this
capsule would have never been as complete.

Another barrier broken. This is the first capsule to surpass 100 KB in size.