You Only Move Twice                               Written by John Swartzwelder
                                                     Directed by Mike Anderson
==============================================================================
Production code: 3F23                      Original airdate in U.S.:  3-Nov-96
Capsule revision C, 14-Jun-97            Original airdate in Canada:  2-Nov-96
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis  {am}
==============================================================================
   In the eight season opener, Homer's new job moves the Simpsons to an
   idyllic planned community.  But his new, easygoing boss (voice of
   Albert Brooks) has some trouble with the government"

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard :- I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten.
              I did not learn everything I need to know in kinde/ at
              cutoff.

Lisa's solo:- Transcribed by Alan J Rosenthal, amended by Raymond Chen.
                         .                 . .     .
                      b  b   b b             b     -
                 1..887./3__87878_ 1..8888/5_3868_/3.    (in 4/4)

                  Recycled from 8F04.

               [The last occurrence of Lisa's solo was in 3F31, although
               we _saw_ it last in 2F32, more than 18 months ago.]

Couch      :- Everybody descends via parachute to the couch, except
              Homer, who lands on the floor with an unopened chute on
              his back

==============================================================================
> Did you notice...
==============================================================================
    ... the Cypress Creek Video features a bunch of hot air balloons and
        the main one has the Globex logo on it?
    ... the remedial class students all sound and look like Ralph
        Wiggum?
    ... Lisa was never shown in school?  [see comments]
    ... a general at the end looks like Norman Schwarzkopf?
    ... Homer kicks aside a grenade?
    ... the Springfield Shopper now costs 35 cents?

Dale G. Abersold:
    ... it sounds like Nancy Cartwright provides Maggie's noises on the 
        swing?
    ... the Cypress Creek Milhouse has shorter shorts and hair than the
        Springfield Milhouse?
    ... it looks like OFF moved to Cypress Creek in the spring (was this
        episode originally planned to air last season)?

Frederic Briere:
    ... Cypress Creek Elementary has a first aid kit in every class?
    ... during musical chair, the teacher says everybody's a winner,
        even though Bart is still standing?

James R. Curry:
    ... after Hank tells Homer that he didn't even give him his coat,
        the coat reappears back on Hank, the wrong way around?

Jennifer Dougall:
    ... when the Simpsons left Springfield, someone was glaringly
        missing at Springfield Elementary:  Willy!

Don Del Grande:
    ... when the parachutes open in the couch opening, Lisa and Bart
        open their mouths, and Maggie closes her eyes?
    ... in the couch opening, Maggie lands on an armrest?
    ... the Globex limousine has no license plate?
    ... Smithers is offered insurance for his "life partner"?
    ... Homer has more seniority than Lenny and Carl?
    ... when they leave their house, Maggie is asleep, but when the
        people start saying goodbye, she's awake?
    ... Homer appears to be the only one who drives to work at Globex?
    ... one of Homer's employees has a mug shaped like a nuclear cooling
        tower on his monitor?

Dominik Halas:
    ... Pedro the bee guy works for Channel 6 in this episode?
    ... Homer's hair (both the top hairs and the M's at the back) ripple
        in the wind when he sticks his head out of the car window?
    ... the wind chimes in the kitchen are creating the "sparkling"
        sound?

Jason Hancock:
    ... Homer has worked at SNPP for ten years?
    ... the anchor shop is right next to the Android's Dungeon?
    ... OFF's new house has an electronic thermostat?
    ... the fourth-grade classroom has a slickboard (which is white and
        written on with markers instead of chalk)?
    ... Otto has a girlfriend named Crystal?

Tony Hill:
    ... Smithers is rejecting coverage for his "life partner"?
    ... there are no covers on the speakers?
    ... there are at least five coffee outlets in the remade Cypress
        Creek?
    ... no one is wearing seatbelts en route to Cypress Creek?
    ... the solar panels on the new house?
    ... Homer abandons his dollar?
    ... Homer pulls a Homer?  (kicking the grenade aside)

Pamela S. Klemm:
    ... there is a gas station near the Springfield city border?
    ... one of the bad student's names was Dot?
        [an Animaniacs character voiced by Tress MacNeille]

Lawrence Lam:
    ... when Maggie's struggling for the off button you get to hear her
        voice again?
    ... the school is full of Springfield look-alikes just like the
        Shelbyville lookalikes?
    ... the Jerseys in the Sports Shop are #9 and #33?
    ... even though this is the perfect place and everything, the
        vending machine still won't take Homer's Bills?

Haynes Lee:
    ... TV Guide lists this show as the "Season Premiere"?
    ... Homer is the most senior SNPP worker after Smithers?
    ... middle geek has toy mobile on top of his computer?
    ... OFF returns to a lawn of uncut grass and a pile of newspapers?

Adam Manterys:
    ... Bart graffitis with a crayon on the back of the front car seats
        for no apparent reason?
    ... the sun and cloud shot when OFF returns to Springfield is
        similar to opening sequence?

Luis R. Merino:
    ... that there are 10 people in the fun run?
    ... there is a fireplace in Hank Scorpio's office?

David Ney:
    ... the lady in the limo looks a lot like Linda McCartney?
    ... Marge didn't correct Homer about his lifelong dream?
    ... the bicyclists in the Cypress Creek video?
    ... all of the stores pictured in the Cypress Creek video were
        coffee shops?
    ... Prof. Frink was drinking a Squishee?
    ... Dr. Hibbert's patient waved?
    ... Scorpio runs without his shoes?
    ... the sexual reference in the sugar/cream thing?  [see comments]

Damian Penny:
    ... when Otto looks at the house, the remains of the chimney haven't
        been cleaned up?
    ... a girl in the new school looks like Allison from "Lisa's Rival"?
    ... Broncos #7 (Elway) gets hit in the head with the ball?
    ... Albert Brooks is credited as "A. Brooks"?

Mark Aaron Richey:
    ... the pink clouds in the couch gag?
    ... Lisa rubbing her arm after Bart shoves her aside?
    ... the chimney lying on the ground outside?
    ... the gas station right outside of town?
    ... the security alarm on the new house's wall?
    ... the sport memorabilia shop is called "The Spend Zone"?
    ... Homer scratches his butt while Scorpio talks to the council?
    ... the man on fire that runs past during the battle?

Benjamin J. Robinson:
    ... they deliberately muffed the "split sentence" gag?
        (When Scorpio's assistant announced Homer's candidacy for the
        job, the dialogue went from "His name is," to Homer shouting
        "Marge!" Normally, the transition would require Homer to shout
        his =own= name.)
    ... Lisa is foolish enough to touch a wild animal?  (Kids!  Don't
        try that at home!)
    ... a Lombardi Super Bowl trophy next to Landry's hat?
    ... Homer idly scratches his butt while Scorpio delivers his threat
        to the UN?

Liam J. Scanlan:
    ... Maggie lands on the arm of the couch in the couch gag?
    ... Smithers, Otto, Flanders and Apu are the only Springfieldians
        that have more than one line?
    ... Flanders doesn't think about his camcorder, which is the most
        expensive thing Homer has ever burrowed?
    ... Nelson is the only Springfieldian that dosen't say goodbye?
    ... not only does Springfield and Shelbyville have a Milhouse, but
        Cypress Creek does too? (Unconfirmed name)
    ... Hank trusts Homer? (Homer isn't the kind of guy you can trust)
    ... we have no idea how Lisa's doing in school?

Rick Senger:
    ... Smithers is wearing too short "flood water" pants on the street?
    ... Otto is wearing frilly culotte socks in the Simpsons' house?
    ... besides the other items borrowed in earlier episodes, Homer has
        Ned's downstairs bathtub?
    ... Homer has never heard of Mike Milken?
    ... Bart doesn't know cursive, multiplication tables or long
        division?
    ... Yeardley Smith doesn't sneeze very convincingly?
    ... when the Simpsons return to their Springfield house, their grass
        is about a foot high?
    ... although the Broncos have one of the best records in the league
        this year, Homer acts as though they are terrible and they
        appear to drop every pass?

==============================================================================
> Voice credits
==============================================================================
   [Once again, many wild guesses. Contact me if you know better. --ed]

- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Burns' lawyer, Barney, Bumblebee Man,
         Krusty, Sideshow Mel, Mayor Quimby, Bont)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Gordy, Dot, Warren)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Announcer #1, Apu, Prof. Frink, Moe, Comic Book Guy,
         Nick Riviera, Snake, Chief Wiggum, Chalmers, Worker #1, cool
         kid, UN man #2, Globex guard)
    - Harry Shearer (Smithers, Man on video, Announcer #2, Otto, Ned,
         Rev. Lovejoy, Burns, Captain McAllister, Dr. Hibbert, Seymour
         Skinner, Worker #2, Regular teacher, UN man #1, Telegram man)

- Special Guest Voice
    - A. [Albert] Brooks  (Hank Scorpio)

- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden  (Globex woman, woman in video, Milhouse, Milhouse's
         double, Hank's secretary)
    - Tress MacNeille  (Agnes Skinner, Remedial class teacher, countdown
         P.A.)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten", best-seller
     by Robert Fulghum
      - blackboard gag

   + Any James Bond Movie
      - Mr. "Bont" look similar to Bond
      - shootout in villain's cavernous hideaway, with henchmen running
        along catwalks along the walls  {dp}
      - Hank Scorpio: the villains in James Bond films usually have odd
        names (Dr. No, Goldfinger, Blofeld...)  {mar}
     "Dr. No" (1962)
      - a flamethrower was also used in this movie  {mk}
   + "You Only Live Twice" (1967)
      - title
      - Scorpio's doomsday gun room looks just like the rocket room at
        the end of this movie
      - final fight scene with troops dropping in through the roof
   + "Goldfinger"
      - Bond/Bont chained to a table with a laser nearing his groin
      - "Do you expect me to talk?" // "No, I expect you to die!"
      - in the movie, Bond gets Goldfinger to stop; here, Bont uses a
        quarter {rl}
      - closing song is a takeoff from this movie's theme song
   + "Goldeneye"
      - the principal female villain kills an opponent by squeezing his
        neck between her legs, just like Xenia Onnatop

   + "Hooray For Hollywood", 1937 song from the movie "Hollywood
     Showcase"
      - Smithers' song at the beginning of the episode.

   + "My Fair Lady" {dga}
      - Smithers steps out of his house much like Henry Higgins does

   + "The Money Pit"  {ljs}
      - house falling apart
      - someone falls through the top floor

   + "A Tale of Two Cities" from Charles Dickens
      - "A Tale of One City" video

     "The Firm"
      - a new job that's just _too_ good  {dga}
      - the scene in which they first drive up to the house is a
        reference to this movie  {tb}

     "The Stepford Wives"
      - similar plot about moving to a too-perfect town  {dp}
      - Marge drinking the wine  {ddg}

   ~ McDonald's commercial
      - Maggie in her Swing-A-Majig reminds one of this commercial  {bs}
      - follow-up of this commercial had the swing stop, and the baby
        reaching a switch to resume it  {dtm}

     "The Jetsons"  {dp}
      - the moving sidewalks in the exercise room

     "Rhoda"  {msr}
      - the "fall in my arms and I'll catch you" gag, and the phone
        rings right when the person falls

     "Dr. Strangelove" {dga}
      - a "Doomsday Device"

   + "The Pink Panther Strikes Again" (Inspector Clouseau movie)  {hl}
      - Clouseau's boss goes mad and threatens to destroy the world with
        a ray gun he has commandeered

   + "59th Street Bridge" song by Simon and Garfunkel  {rs}
      - Scorpio blows up this bridge

     "In Living Color"  {eh}
      - A sketch called "Snack and Shack Cafe" had a waitress that got
        condiments from her shirt.

   + "Barney and Friends"
      - "I Like Me, I Like Me" is similar to Barney the Dinosaur's
        infamous "I Love You, You Love Me" song

   ~ "Police Academy"  {hl}
      - Leslie Easterbrook's character subdues men by squeezing their
        heads between her thighs

     "Command & Conquer" computer game  {ak}
      - closing scenes with the marines fighting Scorpio's troopers
      - Scorpio flame-throwing people and throwing grenades

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Homer's Boyhood/Lifelong Dreams  {dh}
   - [8F19] manage a beautiful country singer / eat the world's biggest
            hoagie
   - [9F05] living in the woods and keeping a journal of his thoughts
   - [9F10] be a monorail conductor / run out on a baseball field during
            a game
   - [1F08] be a blackjack dealer / appear on "The Gong Show"
   - [2F10] work in a bowling alley
   - [3F05] gain weight so he can work at home
   - [3F23] own the Dallas Cowboys

- Internet References  {jh}
   - [1F02] The nerds who stay with OFF read a Star Trek newsgroup.
   - [2F06] "The nerds on the Internet are not geeks."
   - [2F10] Homer: "The information superhighway showed the average
            person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek."
   - [2F17] Comic Book Guy logs onto alt.nerd.obsessive newsgroup.
   - [2F21] Lenny brings a "Girls of the Internet" deck of cards to play
            poker with.
   - [3F23] Cypress Creek Elementary has a webpage.

- Previous James Bond References  {dga}
   - [7G08] Goldfinger laser scene when removing Bart's tattoo  {hl}
   - [8F04] Homer saves the plant with 007 seconds left  {sv}
   - [9F03] Bart (as Blofeld) melts James Bond in the microwave
   - [9F14] Bart pets Lisa's hamster just like Blofeld  {ljs}
   - [9F22] The "laser between the legs" scene done by Itchy & Scratchy
   - [2F10] The couch gag copies the beginning of James Bond movies
   - [3F18] A picture of Sean Connery as 007, signed by Roger Moore
   - [3F31] Outtake from [1F08] featuring James Bond in the casino

- Albert Brooks previous appearances:  {eh}
   - [7G09] Cowboy Bob, RV salesman
   - [7G11] Jacques, professional bowler
   - [1F05] Brad Goodman, McGonigle (?)

- [MG03] The old fall/jump-in-my-arms-but-I-drop-you gag
- [7G02], [9F18] Bart is placed in a more advanced class  {jh}
- [7G04] Marge drinks alcohol
- [7G11] Albert Brooks mentions bowling
- [7F05] Homer leave state for a better job  {hl}
- [7F05], [9F22] The Simpsons move
- [7F07] Homer claims the Cowboys are his favorite team  {dp}
- [7F20] The "fall backwards into someone's arms" trust exercise appears
- [8F01] Bart calls a room (cf. a bed)
- [8F09] Homer tries to feed tattered dollar bill into vending machine
- [8F21] Otto lives in OFF's house
- [9F05] OFF's house is falling apart
- [9F08], [1F03] Ned's TV tray and power sander Homer borrowed
- [9F11] Lisa reads a Cypress Creek (cf. Duff Gardens) pamphlet
- [9F22] Denver Broncos referenced (cf. Homer's dream to be John Elway
         in 9F22)  {jh}
- [1F04] Bart (cf. Burns) nearly says the "B" word before being cut off
         {jh}
- [1F06] A kid named Warren appears  {ljs}
- [1F07] Bart can't read a teacher's handwriting  {jh}
- [1F17] Loose sugar  {hl}
- [1F20] Homer makes an anti-French reference  {dga}
- [2F02] Bart is demoted to a lower grade level
- [2F08] Marge's obsession with housekeeping chores
- [2F11] "Cursive writing does not mean what I think it is"
- [2F11] A bridge gets blown up  {dn}
- [2F14] There's a mortgage on the house  {mss}
- [2F15] Lisa wandering in the woods
- [2F22] Another Milhouse appears
- [3F07] Tom Landry is seen
- [3F14] Homer's proud of his motivational skills  {hl}
- [3F17] Marge gets bored to death
- [3F18] All Springfieldians join in for one scene
- [4F02] Death ray machine appeared  {hl}

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Things in the Lil' Lugger trailer:
   - the traditional TV with the ugly antenna
   - books
   - plant
   - lamp on leg
   - bicycle  (the old model with reflector attached to fender)
   - Ned's downstairs bathtub
   - rug
   - table lamp
   - Ned's power sander
   - barbecue  (although it only looks like a barbecue under one angle)


- Leaving Springfield sign:

            LEAVING           (simple enough!)
          SPRINGFIELD


- Cypress Creek sign:  (on a nice-looking wooden sign)

        [landscape]
        Welcome  To
       C Y P R E S S
         C R E E K


- In Homer's office:

         "THERE'S NO ME IN TEAM"
      [silhouette of people rowing]


- School sign:  (again on wood)

           CYPRESS CREEK
         ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
      http://www.studynet.edu


- Bart's cursive sentence:

      Quentin and Tammy
      went to the zoo
           on Sunday.


- Hank's office door:

      HANK SCORPIO
        PRESIDENT
       Come on in


- Newspaper headline:  {jh}

	Springfield Shopper
      =======================
      DAILY NEWS          35c
      =======================
           SUPERVILLAIN
	 SEIZES EAST COAST


- Overseas Animation: Akom, N.J. Kim {ddg}

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
+ Smithers switches houses, yet again.  {rl}

+ The Bush/Ford mansion across the street in 3F09 (that reappeared in
  3F18 and 3F20) is not there anymore.  {mss}

+ The chimney is on the wrong side of the house.  {lrm}

+ We've never seen Ned's downstairs bathtub.  {sb}

- The animation of the car (with the trailer) is jerky.  {ddg}

+ Captain McAllister has never had a store next to the Android's
  Dungeon.  {dh}

+ There is supposed to be a parking lot in front of Springfield
  Elementary.  {dh}

+ In Bart's Comet the only way out of Springfield was through the Bridge
  but the Simpsons didn't use a Bridge to leave Springfield.  {ll}

* There's no possible way Maggie could have avoided being thrown out of
  the Swing-A-Majig the way it was working.  {ddg}

= The hall with the moving sidewalk is not the hall that is seen through
  the glass doors where Homer's staff is working.  {mar}

- When Scorpio leaves Homer's station after someone stole his lunch, he
  turns blue behind the glass door, but everything else stays in regular
  color.  {dk}

c Bart nearly says the "B" word, but the closed-captions have him trying
  to say the "S" word.  {jh}

+ Bart has done division before. See 8F22.  {ljs}

= The A on the blackboard is thick with no hole at first, then it has a
  hole in it.  {eh}

* There's no such thing as a northern reticulated chipmunk.  {dh}

= OFF was passing a flower shop, then suddenly they were in front of
  "The Spend Zone".  {mar}

* "The Spend Zone" has what looks like a Vince Lombardi (Super Bowl)
  Trophy, but they're silver, not gold-colored.  {ddg}

+ Lisa lives with two pets that never affect her; but in Cypress Creek
  she seems to have extremely sensitive allergies.  {sb}

+ Lisa wasn't allergic to anything at Kamp Krusty.  {ddg}

+ Bart complains about being in remedial courses, but in 7G05, he says
  that Nelson Muntz is "in all the same remedial classes I am".  {rl}

+ Bart objected strongly to being moved back in school, but in 2F04 he
  seemed to be quite enjoying kindergarten.  {sb}

= When Homer enters the laser room 3 doors open. When Homer passes
  through the doors, you only hear one set of doors shut?  {ll}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold: In many ways, this was what I like to see in Simpsons
   episodes: a well-developed plot with plenty of gags.  On the other
   hand, this ep seemed to be listless; Albert Brooks has done far
   better in the past.  Still, it started off well with a long opening
   sequence (the first Lisa sax solo in ages!), and a great final act.
   (B)

Jennifer M. Blaske: As the show went off, and they started singing that
   Scorpio Song, I suddenly said, "Oh! That was supposed to be a James
   Bond thing, huh?"  Hopefully that is forgiveable since I've never
   actually seen a James Bond movie. It also explains why I wasn't crazy
   about this ep, while some of you loved it. Mainly, I felt they could
   have developed the subplots with the other family members a little
   better. I particularly didn't understand why Lisa was never in
   school. I give it a B-, with the understanding that a Bond fan would
   probably give it at least a B+.

Don Del Grande: this is definitely not up to the typical Swartzwelder
   standard; the story doesn't go anywhere.  It would have been a
   B-minus had it not been for the turn from the obvious "Homer saves
   the East Coast" ending.  (B)

Dominik Halas: Quite a good episode.  This was one of the more
   interesting examples of the "take OFF out of Springfield and place
   them in an unusual situation" type of episode.  The characterization
   was generally spot-on; nothing seemed out of place.  Scorpio was a
   well-written and enjoyable character;  Homer's indifferent reaction
   to Scorpio's evil plot was hilarious.  (A-)

Jason Hancock: I really didn't care too much for this episode.  Maggie's
   adventure in the Swing-a-Majig gave me the hardest laughs in this
   episode, and there were a few smaller laughs here and there.  But the
   main plot began way too soon for me, with Homer getting the job right
   off the bat, and there was a little too much violence at the end. (C)

Patrick Hayden: My God!  That was easily the funniest episode since
   "Sideshow Bob Roberts!"  It just didn't let up.  [...]  Sure, it
   seemed really far-fetched, and could have been a good Halloween
   episode in some respects, but I was ROTFL so much a hardly cared.
   And, it had a good ending, one that really fit in with the irreverant
   attitude of the rest of the show.  The Denver Bronco's! HA! Anyway,
   this episode deserves an A, and gives me a lot more hope for the new
   season.  You can't beat John Swartzwelder for a great Simpsons
   episode, at least not unless you're Jon Vitti.  Anyway, go Scorpio!

Tony Hill: This episode doesn't have too much going for it.  On the plus
   side, we got another stab at Disney and the longest opening in recent
   memory.  But the shoving and phone gags were too predictible, and
   Scorpio simply wasn't credible.  There was too much plastic reality
   left at the end. Unless Homer's owning the Denver Broncos and the
   east coast being seized by a madman are to be part of the show.  (C-)

Ryan Johnson: It's nice to see the full opening again!  I was suprised
   to see that some of the violence seemed to be in bad taste (closeup
   of Bond getting shot), unlike the more cartoony feel of most of the
   death and destruction that we have seen before.  All in all I thought
   this was a bit too outlandish, but at least this action adventure
   episode wasn't as bad as the flying hellfish.  (C+)

Pamela S. Klemm: Now, this is how you should start off the new season.
   The scene where Homer quits his dream job had me ROTFL and having
   Tress (don't you hate it when you forget last names) as Bart's new
   teacher was great, esspecially since I am a big fan of Kids WB.  (A+)

Andrew Krupowicz: This was one of the greatest episodes in recent
   memory. It balanced out everyone's little stories while centering on
   Homer. Homer's blind obedience was at times silly, but overall the
   whole episode was another spectacle. I'm also glad that the long
   intros have returned!  (A+)

Ricardo Lafaurie: A rather silly romp.  Albert Brooks did a pretty good
   job playing the pleasantly evil Hank Scorpio, but everything seemed
   twisted.  A lot like "The Boy Who Knew Too Much", but not as
   farfetched.  Still, pretty damn farfetched.  (C+)

David Ney: This was a very strange episode.  It almost seemed like a
   halloween episode, what with the drastic changes to the series, and
   nothing getting resolved at the end.  A very different format for a
   Simpsons episode. There were a few good gags, but overall it was just
   kind of odd.  I give it a (C+)

Damian Penny: One of the more forgettable episodes I've seen; this one
   just wasn't as well written as I've come to expect.  The only big
   laughs come from Bart's remedial class and a climax that parodies
   just about every 007 movie ever made.  Worst of all was Homer's new
   boss, who was just plain annoying.  (C)

Mark Aaron Richey: A very entertaining episode.  Only Homer could find
   himself working for a James Bond supervillian and not even notice it.
   I also feel a lot of sympathy with Lisa, since I'm allergic to just
   about every type of plant life, too.  A terrific parody of James Bond
   and too good to be true corporations.  Plus, Homer finally had a
   lifelong dream that made sense!  (B+)

Matt Rose: Pretty good. Just like last week, I like the plot but there
   weren't as many jokes as I'd like. Still, it worked for me.  I was
   disappointed we didn't get to see Lisa in class. I enjoyed seeing
   the whole town involved in the good-bye. I also liked the end of it
   with the Denver Broncos. Add a half a grade for bringing back the
   full opening theme...  (B+)

Rick Senger: A middling episode greatly improved by Albert Brooks' peppy
   performance as the frenetically friendly yet psychopathic Hank
   Scorpio.  Scorpio is the first refreshing new character in over a
   year; unique, humorous and well-thought-out.  The pieces were there
   for a great 'sode, and there were some good lines, including the bit
   about all the wood being enough to supply the sawdust for a day's
   worth of vomit at Disneyland and Homer's unique managerial skills.
   However, Marge basically disappeared once they arrived other than her
   two drinks (which was a good idea, but not developed).  Similarly,
   Bart's insertion in the slow class was a good idea which just didn't
   quite get the proper Simpsons examination. Still, I can't deny I
   laughed in spots and Albert Brooks was great.  (B+)

Marge Starbrod-Simpson: Definatly better than the Halloween special.
   It's nice to see the chalkboard back, and the couch gag was great!
   However, for some reason this episode went a little too fast for me,
   and some of it was far-fetched. Nonetheless, this episode gets an A-.

Yours Truly: Now, that's more like it. Although the story didn't work
   well with the rest of the family, Homer was at his best in this
   episode. Unlike many times before, he wasn't portrayed as a stupid
   boob or unaware genius, but simply as a man who loves his job. For
   once, he was good as what he was doing, but was willing to sacrifice
   it all for the good of his family. One might say this is a lot like
   2F10, but it worked then and it works now.
      Not much to say on the whole "Bond" plot, as I never actually sat
   down and watched a whole movie from this series. I must say, however,
   that despite how annoying Scorpio was, he looked a lot like the new
   generation of bosses (or whatever they prefer to be called) who are
   equally annoying.
      One point the writers should pay attention to, though, is
   meta-humor and recurring jokes. If you overuse those, they quickly
   move from hilarious to plain annoying. I think Marge's "*What*
   lifelong dream?" shows that they are aware of this and are willing to
   move on. One lifelong dream a year is well enough.
      In other departments, the long series of "bye bye" feeled somewhat
   forced; it would've fit better as a season finale than a premiere...
   And the final battle *was* a bit too eerie for the show. On the other
   hand, the ending was just perfect: sharp and witty, like 3F16.
      In short? Some bumps along the way, but a step towards great
   comedy where The Simpsons belong.  (B)


AVERAGE GRADE: B (3.01)

NIELSEN RATING:  8.5  (ranked 51st out of 116)  {ol}

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> The name's Brooks. Albert Brooks.

Dale G. Abersold: Guest voice Albert Brooks is a multitalented actor,
   writer, and director, who has previously guested as Jacques, Cowboy
   Bob, and Brad Goodman.  He's made films such as "Modern Romance,"
   "Lost in America," and the forthcoming "Mom."  He's also acted for
   Simpsons honcho James L. Brooks in the films "Broadcast News" and
   "I'll Do Anything."  And his real name is Albert Einstein.  Honest.

Mark Aaron Richey: Some completely unwanted and unneeded stuff on Albert
   Brooks: His real name is Albert Einstein (gee, I wonder why he
   changed it).  His brother, Bob Einstein, plays "Super Dave" Osborne.
   He played Julie Kavner's love interest in James L. Brooks's "I'll Do
   Anything" (possibly the single movie with the most OFF connections of
   all time.  Too bad it sucked). His new movie, "Mother", with Debbie
   Reynolds, opens in December.


>> For Your Eyes Only

Mark Aaron Richey: Mr. Bont looks and sounds exactly like Sean Connery's
   James Bond, the best and most well known fictional secret agent.  He
   started his long career in the Ian Fleming novel "Casino Royale".  In
   1962, British producer Albert Broccoli had the bright idea of
   bringing the super spy to the big screen.  He hired a little known
   Scottish actor named Sean Connery to play the lead, in an adaption of
   Fleming's "Dr. No".  Since then, there's been 17 "official" Bond
   films (including last fall's smash, "GoldenEye"), as well as an
   "unofficial" film (1983's "Never Say Never Again", in which Connery
   returned to the role of Bond for the first time since 1971), and a
   big-budgeted, all star spoof (1967's "Casino Royale", with David
   Niven, Peter Sellers, and Woody Allen).

Mario Lucero: Agent James Bond is played by David Niven.  (Although many
   others are referred to as James Bond.)  Woody Allen is *a* Bond, but
   not James.


>> Football Follies

Mark Aaron Richey: Despite Bart and Lisa's laughter, Homer's latest
   lifelong dream is actually a logical one.  Who hasn't dreamed of
   owning The Greatest Sports Franchise Ever (OK, that may be an
   exaggeration, but they are The Greatest Football Team Ever).  The
   Cowboys were founded in 1960, along with the AFL's Dallas Texans (who
   are now the Kansas City Chiefs).  Tom Landry (see below) was the
   coach.  The 'Boys first campaign wasn't very successful, going 0-10-1
   their first season. However, they soon improved vastly, arriving in
   their first championship game in 1966 (losing to Green Bay).  They
   made their first Super Bowl in early 1971 (exactly six years before
   my birth), and won their first championship in 1972.  So far, they've
   won five out of the seven Super Bowls they've been too, including
   three of the last four.  They currently play in Irving, a suburb of
   The Greatest City In The World (and only a half hour drive from
   Plano, The Greatest Suburb In The World), in lovely Texas Stadium. To
   make a long story short, they are, quite simply, The Best Team In The
   History Of The NFL (yes, I'm a Cowboys fan).

Jason Hancock: The Denver Broncos are one of three NFL teams with the
   dubious distinction of having lost four Super Bowls (the Buffalo
   Bills and Minnesota Vikings are the other two).  For the record, they
   lost in Super Bowls XII (to the Dallas Cowboys), XXI (to the New York
   Giants), XXII (to the Washington Redskins), and XXIV (to the San
   Francisco 49ers).

Benjamin J. Robinson: Tom Landry is a former coach of the Dallas
   Cowboys; the hat that Homer bought is one of his trademarks. Coaching
   the Cowboys to the elite ranks of pro football would be another of
   his trademarks.

   Of course, it's silly for Homer to think that he could own the Dallas
   Cowboys.  That's almost as unlikely as the owner being a power-crazed
   egomaniac who would give a Super Bowl-winning coach the boot over a
   personality conflict.

Robert Vasquez: What's with the Denver Broncos gags? In "Lisa the
   Greek," they get blown out by the Patriots; in "Cape Feare," they get
   blown out by the 49ers. And now this! Why couldn't Homer have gotten
   stuck with a team NOBODY cares about, like the Seattle Seahawks?

Benjamin J. Robinson: Homer ought to have been pretty happy to receive
   ownership of the Denver Broncos.  As of this writing, the team has a
   7-1 record, and looks like a reasonable playoff contender.  Perhaps
   the writers should have played it safe, and given Homer the Tampa Bay
   Buccaneers.


>> Cypress Creek? Why, it's just next Springfield; you can't miss it!

Benjamin J. Robinson: Usually, when someone refers to a "corporate
   town," they're talking about a city where there is one dominant
   employer.  The Disney Corporation changed that definition when they
   announced the founding of Celebration, a planned community near
   Kissimmee, Florida.  Realizing a long-held dream of Walt Disney,
   Celebration is a planned community similar to Cypress Creek, but with
   fewer mountains.  Like the fictional Cypress Creek, Celebration
   features a small-town feel, upscale housing, and a state-of-the-art
   school.  Celebration's first residents have just started to move in;
   only time will tell if the real city will run as smoothly as its
   television counterpart.

Orion Suydam: On the way to Cypress Creek, the Simpsons drove through
   Redwood forests, typical landscape of the Pacific Northwest.  They
   ended up in a town that could be a suburb of Seattle. Anyone who's
   been to Seattle know how easy it is to get coffee. How many coffee
   shops were in Cypress? 5?  Then, as you said, you have the whole laid
   back corporate atmosphere that Microsoft is known for.  But, you
   could take it a step further.  Hank Scorpio, I'm guessing, was a self
   made millionaire struggling for money and power, much like Bill
   Gates. Microsoft as well as Globex, are in big trouble with the
   government (anti-competitive business practices) and haven't you ever
   heard someone suggest in jest that Microsoft is trying to take over
   the world?

Jason L. Smith: Redwood trees are certainly not "everywhere" in the
   Pacific Northwest, and there are none near Seattle. Living, native
   Redwoods can only be found in the coastal regions of extreme
   California and extreme southern Oregon. Also, the "lifestyle"
   attitude stereotype depicted in the episode is more like that of
   Northern California than the Seattle area.

Ryan Johnson: I live about 2 blocks away from Bill Gates house, and
   about 20 miles from the Microsoft campus, and Microsoft doesn't seem
   to have that large of an influence.  I live in a suburb of Seattle
   called Medina which is pretty much where all of the yuppies live. You
   can walk a pretty short distance to get to the homes of the microsoft
   execs, which are *huge* (great place to take your kids
   trick-or-treating I might add).  They look like something out of a
   Lexus commercial.  Anyway, except for about a stretch of half a mile
   on the waterfront, Microsoft really doesn't create that much of an
   impact on the job market in seattle.  Boeing is one of the larger
   businesses here, and if they went out of business it would have a
   huge impact on the city, while we would just see more geeks wandering
   the streets if Microsoft went out of business.  As for everything
   turning into a coffee house, that was a much larger craze a few years
   ago.  Now the coffee culture is still around, or maybe I've just
   gotten used to it.  Can you get an expresso at your gas station or is
   that unique to seattle?(no I'm *not* kidding, the BP down the street
   does this)


>> Aw, just like in those Apple infomercials...

Mark Aaron Richey: This is a joke on the ever-increasing reach of the
   Internet (which, of course, you are on right now).  Just about every
   university, as well as an ever growing number of public and private
   schools, have web sites (my old school district's web site is at
   http://www.pisd.edu if anybody cares).


>> "Heh heh heh, I can see why _this_ is so popular!"

Mark Aaron Richey: "I like me" is sung to the tune of "This Old Man"
   (This Old Man/he played one/he played knick-knack on my thumb...).
   However, the tune is probably more familiar to everyone as the tune
   of "I Love You", the evil theme song of the evil purple dinosaur,
   Barney (even if he was created by two women from Allen, TX, which is
   just north of my suburb of Plano).


>> Lisa? Skipping School?

Benjamin J. Robinson: A number of eagle-eyed viewers noticed that Lisa
   seems to be skipping school.  That is, scenes of Bart in remedial
   class are intercut with scenes of Lisa in the woods, which gives the
   impression that both events are happening at the same time. This was
   probably an honest error on the part of the writers.  Even so, it's
   possible to explain the error away quite neatly.

   Some school districts have adopted "year-round schooling."  Students
   under this plan go to school the same number of days as students
   under a traditional schedule, but their vacation time is spread out
   in two or three-week chunks throughout the year.  Some of the
   year-round schools split up their classes and stagger vacations
   between groups; while group "A" is in school, group "B" is on
   holiday, and vice versa.

   Cypress Creek, then, is a year-round school.  When the Simpsons moved
   in, the second grade happened to be on vacation, while the fourth was
   in class.  Lisa, therefore, had a perfectly good reason to be out in
   the forest -- her class was "rotated out" on vacation!  Had the
   episode taken place sometime else in the year, Lisa might have been
   in class (not the same one as Bart, hopefully) and Bart would be out
   terrorizing the folks in Cypress Creek.

   Or you could still just say the writers messed up.  It's your call.

   [If you look carefully, on the first shot of Lisa's venturing in the
   woods, you can see the school bus in front of OFF's house. I guess
   she's taking a walk after her day of school; note that she's still
   carrying her backpack. --ed]


>> The Art of Writing Illegibly

Benjamin J. Robinson: In all fairness to Bart, I should note that my
   class didn't officially learn cursive writing until the third or
   fourth grade.  (It certainly wasn't much earlier than that -- I
   ticked off my second grade teacher by trying to learn cursive writing
   on my own.)  So, Bart really isn't as far behind in his studies as
   the Cypress Creek faculty thinks he is.


>> I've had all I can stands and I can't stands no more!

Mark Aaron Richey: Popeye was the very strong sailor star of a long
   running series of cartoons. The basic plot went something like this.
   Popeye would be doing something with Olive Oyl, his girlfriend.
   Bluto/Brutis would arrive, beat up Popeye, and kidnap Oyl.  Popeye
   would eat a can of spinach, instantly get very strong, and beat up
   Bluto/Brutis.  Oyl would swoon in ecstasy.  Popeye would laugh.


>> You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello...

Don Del Grande lists Springfield's farewells to OFF:

[as they come out of the driveway]  Ned Flanders: Bye-Diddly-Eye
                                   Burns' Lawyer: So Long
[in front of the church]        Reverend Lovejoy: God Bless You
[Kwik-E-Mart]                    Professor Frink: See Ya, N'hey
                                             Apu: Goodbye
[Moe's]                                   Barney: Bye Bye, Homer
                                             Moe: Take Care
[Channel 6]                        Bumblebee Man: Adios
                                          Krusty: So Long
                                    Sideshow Mel: Fare Thee Well
[Anchor Shoppe & Android Dungeon]
                             Captain MacAllister: Arr, Bon Voyage
                                  Comic Book Guy: Toodle-Ooh
[city hall]                         Mayor Quimby: Uh, So Long
[SNPP]                                  Smithers: Bye Bye
                                           Burns: Ta Ta
[hospital's emergency]              Nick Riviera: Bye, Everybody
                                     Dr. Hibbert: Bye Bye
[police station]                           Snake: Sayonara, Dude
                                    Chief Wiggum: So Long
[Springfield Elementary]                Children: Bye Bye
                                Skinner's Mother: Bye Bye, Now
                                        Milhouse: Bye
                                            Otto: See Ya
                               Principal Skinner: Bye
                         Superintendent Chalmers: Bye Bye
                                          Nelson: Ha-Ha


>> Scorpio's Lyrics

Nate Grey provides us with the lyrics of the Goldfinger song parody:

Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!

It was funny but a bunch of naked dancing girls would have made it
perfect.  [after all, McBain did much better in 7F16 --ed]


>> Those Immortal Threads

   - Where is Springfield?

Tony Hill: Obviously not on the east coast, according to Scorpio's
   telegram.  Also, Homer said that Cypress Creek is "upstate,"
   suggesting it's in a state with vertical rather than horizontal
   orientation (Indiana or Mississippi, for example, rather than North
   Carolina or Massachusetts) and that Springfield is in the southern
   part of the state.

   - Is Smithers Gay?

Haynes Lee: Smithers refuses a lucrative job offer from an attractive
   woman in a stretch limousine. His reply was that he is "spoken for"
   despite of her offering extended healthcare benefits for his "life
   partner".


>> Loose Ends

Haynes Lee: A well-endowed waitress serves coffee and asks the customers
   if they want any sugar. "Yes" they say so she sticks her hand into
   her blouse and takes out some sugar packets. She puts her hand into
   her blouse again and asks if they want any milk. "No no!" as the
   customers vigorously shake their heads.

Mark Aaron Richey: Secretariat was the 1973 Triple Crown winner, and one
   of the greatest race horses of all time.  He died in 1989, but it's
   extremely unlikely that he is now a baseball.

James R. Curry: I can quite honestly say that this is the first episode
   for ages that seems to have escaped the evil scissors of the SKY
   editing crew.

==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
% It's a beautiful day in Springfield, and Waylon Smithers comes out of
% his house.

[to the tune of "Hooray for Hollywood"]
I work for Monty Burns,
Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh Monty Burns.
-- What keeps Waylon Smithers alive, "You Only Move Twice"

% As he merrily hums on his walk to work, a limousine slows down to his
% pace and a woman offers him a ride -- which he kindly refuses.
% Nonetheless, she explains to him that Globex Corporation would be
% interested in hiring him, offering an impressive salary plus health
% benefit for him and his "life partner". Smithers gets annoyed.

What's wrong with this country? Can't a man walk down the street without
being offered a job?
-- Smithers' view of America, "You Only Move Twice"

% With Smithers out of question, Globex chooses the next most senior
% employee, which happens to be... Homer. He explains the whole deal to
% Marge, but the job requires them to move to Cypress Creek.

Marge: You took a new job in a strange town without discussing it with
       your family?
Homer: Of course not. I wouldn't do that!  [pause]  Why not?
Marge: We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and family and library
       cards... Bart's lawyer is here.
-- All the essential commodities, "You Only Move Twice"

Homer: But, Marge, this is a chance for me to fulfil my lifelong dream.
Marge: *What* lifelong dream?
-- Just pick one from the list, "You Only Move Twice"

Homer: Promise not to laugh? I always wanted to own the Dallas Cowboys.
        [Bart and Lisa laugh]
 Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad. I just find that very cute.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% But Marge isn't happy at all with the idea of leaving her town.

Marge: I've dug myself into a happy little rut here and I'm not about to
       hoist myself out of it.
Homer: Just bring the rut with ya, Honey.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% Homer doesn't give up, and loads a promotional video in the VCR.

   TV: "Cypress Creek: The Tale of One City".
Homer: Uh, let's watch something else.
Marge: Homer, you're trying to talk us into moving to this place.
Homer: Oh, yeah, that's right. Let's watch this.
-- The power of conviction, "You Only Move Twice"

% The promotional video is as crappy as you could imagine, picturing an
% ugly suburb, plagued with criminality, which turns into the perfect
% community; parking meters become trees, abandoned warehouses become
% coffee shops, and a bum becomes a mailbox.

Announcer #1: Cypress Creek: where dreams come true.
Announcer #2: [quickly] Your dreams may vary from those of Globex
              Corporation, its subsidiaries and shareholders.
-- A fair warning, "You Only Move Twice"

Homer: Well, what do you think of me and Cypress Creek now, Marge?
Marge: It does seem nicer than Springfield.
 Lisa: Yeah, did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking
       each other down? I've never been to a place like that before.
 Bart: [shoves her aside]  Me neither.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% Since Cypress Creek looks like a nice town, the job would pay more,
% and the house is falling apart (vouched by the chimney crumbling),
% Marge agrees to move. That is, as soon as they can sell the house...

Oh, wow! Windows!
-- Otto takes a look at the house, "You Only Move Twice"

% The next visitor is Apu:

  Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like
       to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange
       your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an
       unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels!  [runs off]
Homer: Thank you. Come again.
-- Getting things off his chest, "You Only Move Twice"

% But despite the number of visitors, no one is interested in buying
% this crumbling house. Proving their point, Bart nearly falls through
% the roof, and Marge has to push him up with a broom.

      Marge: Even if we sell the house, we still don't come close to
             paying off the mortgage.
              [pause]
Homer+Marge: [getting a flash] Hey...
              [Homer nails an "Abandoned" sign to the door]
-- The answer to all your mortgage problems, "You Only Move Twice"

% Homer and Marge make the final preparations for their moving.

  Ned: Uh, huh-huh... Homer, ah... About those things you borrowed from
       me over the years, you know, the TV trays, the power sander, the
       downstairs bathtub... You gonna be... needing those things in
       Cypress Creek?
Homer: Yes.
  Ned: Oh. Uh...
Homer: [reciting] Okily dokily...
  Ned: Okily dokily!
-- 8 years of Ned-handling, "You Only Move Twice"

% And off they go, greeted by everybody in Springfield.

Homer: I'm gonna miss Springfield. This town's been awfully good to us.
 Bart: No, it hasn't, Dad. That's why we're leaving.
Homer: Oh, yeah.  [pokes his head out the window]  So long, Stinktown!
-- And thus it ends, "You Only Move Twice"

% [End of Act One. Time: 4:46]
%
% OFF drives through the woods around Cypress Creek.

It says here, one of these giant redwood trees can provide enough
sawdust to cover an entire day's worth of vomit at Disneyland.
-- Lisa reads the Cypress Creek brochure, "You Only Move Twice"

% After much "ooh"s, "ah"s and "oh"s, they finally reach their
% destination: 15201 Maple Systems Road. This house is bigger than they
% never could've imagined -- or afforded; the living room itself, which
% Bart calls immediately, could easily hold the whole 1st floor of their
% previous house.
%
% They are quickly greeted by Hank Scorpio, Globex's president.

Homer: Wow, my boss.
 Hank: Don't call me that word. I don't like things that elevate me
       about the other people. I'm just like you. Oh, sure, I come later
       in the day, I get paid a lot more and I take longer vacations,
       but I don't like the word "boss".
-- Though I like its income, "You Only Move Twice"

 Hank: Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your
       closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do
       I! [throws them out]  Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say
       good-bye to a shoe?
Homer: [chuckles]  Yeah, it's fun!
-- "You Only Move Twice"

Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep
       expecting to get the bum's rush.
 Hank: We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they
       wouldn't rush; they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.
-- The spirit of Cypress Creek, "You Only Move Twice"

% After a few words, Hank rushed back to the fun run he was into,
% looking forward to see Homer at work -- although he doesn't like to
% call it "work".
%
% The next day, everybody meets with his/her new life in Cypress Creek.

Marge: Okay, the oven is cleaning itself, the autovac's on dirt patrol,
       and Maggie's enjoying her Swing-A-Majig.
        [said Maggie tries desperately to reach the "off" switch]
       I can't believe it. I've done all my housework, and it's only
       9:30.  [looses her smile]
       Well, better go upstairs and make sure the beds are still made.
-- Some tough competition, "You Only Move Twice"

% At work, Homer gets acquainted with his new environment, especially
% his boss.

 Hank: You will notice, my new best friend, that we are pretty casual
       around here.
Homer: Yes, sir. I will notice that. Very casual, Mr. Scorpion.
-- Preaching by the example, "You Only Move Twice"

% Mr. "Scorpion" urges Homer to call him Hank, and proceeds to initiate
% him to the local atmosphere.

 Hank: Would you mind hanging my coat up on the wall, please?
Homer: Mm-hmm.  [taking his coat]  Hmm, uh, let's see...
        [the floor is one big room, with windows all around]
       Um, uh, well, uh...
 Hank: [laughs]  Relax, Homer. At Globex, we don't believe in walls.
       Matter of fact, I didn't even give you my coat.
Homer: Mmm?  [his hands are indeed empty]
        [Hank is now wearing his coat]
       Wow.
-- Better than Houdini and Copperfield put together,
      "You Only Move Twice"

% While they exercise a little on a treadmill, Hank tells Homer that
% Globex was his lifelong dream. They next step on a moving sidewalk,
% and Homer confides his own lifelong dream. Hank understands: "They
% laughed at me the first time I wore jeans with a sport coat."
%
% They step in Homer's workstation, where three people busily working on
% computers welcome them.

These gentlemen here will be your eyes and your ears, and should the
need arise, they'll fill in for any other part of your body.
-- Which one's the beer belly?, "You Only Move Twice"

 Hank: Your job will be to manage and motivate them. Give 'em the
       benefit of your years of experience.
Homer: Don't worry, that won't take long.
-- About two minutes and a half, "You Only Move Twice"

 Hank: The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I
       want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and I'll catch
       you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?
Homer: Right.
 Hank: Three... Two...  [phone rings]  One second...
        [Hank answers the phone and Homer falls to the ground]
       Oh, my God, the guy's on the floor.
       Uh, that was a phone call; don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% The phone call was carrying bad news: somebody ate part of Hank's
% lunch. He must leave to investigate the matter.

 Hank: I'm gonna leave everything to you. We're on a tight schedule. You
       keep them motivated.  [he leaves]
        [his staff is busily working]
Homer: [to staff]  Are you guys working?
Man 1: Yes, sir, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Could you, um... work any harder than this?
Man 2: Sure thing, boss.
        [they do]
Homer: Hey, call me Homer.
-- You too can learn my secrets to successful mananagement,
      "You Only Move Twice"

% The other half of the family, namely the kids, step in for their first
% day at Cypress Creek Elementary. Bart manages to fit in pretty well,
% by doing some armpit noises.

Kid 1: You got a fresh sound. It'll play well at this school.
Kid 2: [looking a lot like Milhouse]  Hey, Bart, do you have a best
       friend yet? 'Cause I've been looking for someone to boss me
       around.
-- That's hard to find around here, "You Only Move Twice"

% Unfortunately for Bart, things get bad once the grammar course starts,
% as cursive writing is giving problems to him.

Teacher: So, you never learned cursive?
   Bart: Um, well, I know hell and damn and bit...
-- Saved by the bleep, "You Only Move Twice"

% It seems Bart is years behind of schedule, so he's transferred to a
% "more remedial environment", ie. the leg-up program.
%
% At home, the situation isn't that bright either when Marge find out
% that automatic sprinklers are watering the flowers. In fact,
% everything is just perfect, which leaves her with nothing else to do
% than to sip a glass of wine.
%
% Back to school, Bart meets with his new classmates.

  Bart: So, what are you in for?
 Gordy: [slowly and strangely sounding]  I moved here from Canada, and
        they think I'm slow, eh?
   Dot: I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up I was in here.
Warren: I start fires.
-- Dead Leg-Up Society, "You Only Move Twice"

Teacher: Okay. Now, everyone take out your safety pencil and a circle of
         paper. This week, I hope we can finish our work on the letter
         "A".
   Bart: Let me get this straight. We're behind the rest of our class
         and we're going to catch up to them by going slower than they
         are?  [making "crazy" gesture]  Cuckoo.
   Kids: [imitating him]  Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
Teacher: Stop it! Stop it! Warren! Melvin! Gary! Dot! Gordy!
-- My new menagerie, "You Only Move Twice"

   Bart: Listen lady, I'm s'pose to be in the fourth grade.
Teacher: Seems to me that someone's got a case of the "s'pose'das".
   Bart: [moans]
          [Warren pats him on the back thrice, but on the fourth time,
          he just smacks him]
Teacher: Warren!
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% Up to this point, the only Simpson who seems to be enjoying herself is
% Lisa, as she gazes upon the beauties of the neighborhood woods.

Lisa: [to a nearby chipmunk]  Hello, Mr. Chipmunk. You're a northern
      reticulated chipmunk. Yes, you are.  [pokes its nose]  You are so
      reticulated.
      [to an owl]  Hi, Mrs. Owl. You're out kind of early.
      [walks off merrily]  La-la-la, la-la...
       [as soon as she's out, the owl grabs the chipmunk]
-- Better than Time Life, "You Only Move Twice"

% After a day of good and bad events for everyone, the whole family
% takes a walk in Cypress Creek Promenade.

Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up two percent, and it's all because of
_my_ motivational techniques. Like, donuts. And a possibility of more
donuts to come.
-- Homer's second secret to successful management, "You Only Move Twice"

% Bart's attention is brought by The Spend Zone, a shop full of sports
% collectible.

Wow, a baseball made out of Secretariat!
-- Bart gazes upon the Spend Zone, "You Only Move Twice"

Homer: [gasps]  Tom Landry's hat, and it's autographed. "To Berman's Dry
       Cleaning. Best wishes, Tom Landry."
 Bart: Why don't you buy it?
Homer: I can't buy that. Only management-type guys with big salaries
       like me can afford things like that.
       [gasps]  Guys like me! I'm a guy like me!
-- He's getting it, "You Only Move Twice"

% At work, Homer's wearing his Tom Landry hat and coaching his team, but
% they're quite exhausted from the work he's asking from them. From
% experience, Homer knows that fatigue requires only one solution:
% hammocks. He goes straight to his "boss".

 Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
 Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that?
       Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut,
       that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
 Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got
       Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
 Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact,
       they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on
       third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
 Hank: That's right.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% Hank's secretary tells him they're ready for the linkup.

 Hank: Uh, Homer, one second. I gotta take care of this. Very important.
       Be right back.
Homer: Fine.
        [Hank's map of the world reveals a giant viewscreen, on which
        appears the UN staff]
 Hank: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday
       Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you'll face the
       consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this.
       [activates a remote]
        [an explosion occurs near the UN building]
Man 1: Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge!
Man 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
Man 1: We can't take that chance.
Man 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance.
 Hank: Collapsed on its own? You, sh... You have 72 hours. See ya.
       [to Homer]  Back to the hammocks, my friend. You know, there's a
       little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about
       that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you.  [laughs]
       I'm just kidding.
Homer: Oh.
 Hank: You know who invented the hammock, Homer?
Homer: No.
 Hank: That's something for you to do. Find that out.
-- Hammocks and world domination, "You Only Move Twice"

% [End of Act Two. Time: 14:41]
%
% Homer's wandering around in the complex, in search of sugar. One guard
% directs him to a security door, which leads to what seems the inside
% of a mountain. The huge room is filled with machinery, control panels
% and such. Hank is inside, and tells Homer he hopes to see the nuclear
% generator up and running by tomorrow.

 Hank: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country: Italy or
       France?
Homer: France.
 Hank: [chuckles]  Nobody ever says Italy.  [sets the coordinates of a
       giant laser gun]
-- Casual discussion, "You Only Move Twice"

Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here?
 Hank: Sugar? Sure.  [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls
       of sugar]  There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some
       cream?
Homer: Uh... I... no.
-- That's the right answer, "You Only Move Twice"

% Homer might be at ease with his new job, but the other members of the
% family are not as comfortable. Marge still has nothing else to do than
% take another sip of wine. And Bart's stuck in playing musical chair,
% leg-up version: 12 chairs for 7 people, and a silly Barney-like "I
% like me" song playing on a vinyl record.

   Kids: [singing to the tune]
         I like me
         I like me
         I'm as good as I can be
         With a smile and a wave and a happy melody
         I'm as good as...  [slowing as they see the teacher reaching
         for the record player]  I...  [slowly taking places]
Teacher: Hooray! Everyone's a winner!
   Bart: [groans]
-- And that's how we help them catch up, "You Only Move Twice"

% Even Lisa's life at Cypress Creek is going down, as she proves to be
% allergic to almost every plant there is in the nearby forest.
%
% Back to work, while Homer attends to great preoccupations (ie. trying
% to get the snack machine into taking his dollar bill), Scorpio is
% taking care of a good friend of his, a la Goldfinger.

Hank: Ingenious, isn't it, Mr. Bont?
Bont: Scorpio, you're totally mad.
Hank: Heh, I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk.
Bont: So, do you expect me to talk?
Hank: I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap
      funeral.  [leaves]  You're gonna die, now.
-- Not unless my contract says so, "You Only Move Twice"

% But Bont has an ace up his sleave (doesn't he always?), and uses a
% quarter to deflect the laser to his chains. A shot of sleeping gas
% towards the guards, and he's off to the exit.

 Hank: Stop him! He's supposed to die!
        [Homer jumps on Bont who was running past him]
       Nice work, Homer! Am I proud of you.
Homer: [shy] Well...
 Hank: When you go home tonight, there's gonna be another story on your
       house.  [they both walk off]  Thank you.
        [guards shoot Bont off-screen]
-- Just doing my job, "You Only Move Twice"

% That night at home, Homer tries to recite his day at work, but all
% other members of the family look much depressed.

 Lisa: I'b allergic to everythig here. By nose is so stuffed ub, I
       can't eben taste Mob's delicious boiled celery.
Marge: I've been so bored since we moved here, I found myself drinking a
       glass of wine every day. I know doctors say you should drink a
       glass and a half but I just can't drink that much.
Homer: Well, the Simpson men are doing fine, right Bart? You haven't
       even gotten in trouble at school.
 Bart: I _can't_ get in trouble at school, they put me in the remedial
       class. I'm surrounded by arsonists and kids with mittens pinned
       to their jackets all year 'round.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% This said, they all ask to move back to Springfield, but Homer is
% reluctant.

We've got it great, here. And for the first time in my life, I'm
actually good at my job. My team is way ahead of the weather machine and
germ warfare divisions.
-- Homer, "You Only Move Twice"

% Marge leaves the decision to Homer, saying they'll go where he goes.
%
% The next morning, it's with a sad face that Homer walks up to his
% boss, who's busily repelling army troops in order to launch his
% "Doomsday Device" in time.

Homer: Say, what's going on?
 Hank: I'm having a little trouble with the government.
Homer: Oh, those jerks always walking over the small businessman. Don't
       get me started about the government.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% Homer tells him his family wants to move back.

 Hank: Let them go. You'll stay here with me, we'll go bowling.
        [a burning man runs by]
       What's bothering them?
        [troops are shooting at each other]
Homer: Nothing big. It's just a lot of little things.
 Hank: Well, you can't argue with the little things. It's the little
       things that make up life.  [throws a grenade]
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% Hank advises him to do what's best for his family. Homer thanks him
% for everything he's done.

 P.A.: T minus 14 seconds.
 Hank: If you need anything, you call me.
Homer: All right. What's the number?
 Hank: I've never had to call my own company. Someone will tell you
       upstairs. But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill
       somebody, it would help a lot.
       [goes off to use a flamethrower on the troops]
-- Anything for you, "You Only Move Twice"

% So, they're back to their normal town and their normal house, with a
% pile of newspapers waiting for them. The most recent one talks about
% Scorpio's conquest of the East coast.
%
% On the living room's floor is Otto and a couple of beer cans.

Let me just get my girlfriend, and I'll go. Hey, Crystal, wake up!
-- Otto leaves OFF's house, "You Only Move Twice"

% The doorbell rings; it's a telegram for Homer.

Homer: [reading] "Project Arcturus couldn't have succeeded without you.
       This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's
       not the Dallas Cowboys, but it's a start. Drop me a line if
       you're on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio."
        [a whole football team is on his lawn]
       [disappointed] Aw, the Denver Broncos!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
        [a player tries to catch the ball, but falls]
Homer: Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well, explain to me why it isn't.
        [another player tries to catch, but hits the ball with his head]
Homer: [sighs]  You just don't understand football, Marge.
-- "You Only Move Twice"

% [End of Act Three. Time: 20:53]
%
% Credits roll on "Scorpio".

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ak}  Andrew Krupowicz
{am}  Andy Mancini
{bs}  Bill Shaw
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dga} Dale G. Abersold
{dh}  Dave Hall
{dh2} Dominik Halas
{dk}  Diego Kontarovsky
{dn}  David Ney
{dp}  Damian Penny
{dtm} Douglas T. Massey
{eh}  Eric Hartman
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{jh}  Jason Hancock
{ljs} Liam J. Scanlan
{ll}  Lawrence Lam
{lrm} Luis R. Merino
{mar} Mark Aaron Richey
{mk}  Matthew Kurth
{msr} Matt Rose
{mss} Marge Starbrod-Simpson
{rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
{rs}  Rick Senger
{sb}  Stephane Bonneville
{sv}  Srdjan Vukovic
{tb}  Ted Brekken
==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
This episode capsule is Copyright 1996 Frederic Briere. It is not to be
redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current
maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). Any quoted material, episode summaries and
over-merchandising of the show remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of
Twentieth Century Fox. Do not inhale.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, and
all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.