Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grand- Written by Jonathan Collier
  son in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"   Directed by Jeffrey Lynch
=======================================================================
Production Code: 3F19               Original Airdate in N.A.: 28-Apr-96
					  Capsule revision C, 10-Jun-96
=======================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis {sp}
=======================================================================

    Bart finds his Grampa's war stories farfetched, until Mr. Burns
    tries to kill the elder Simpson to seize a treasure the two found
    during the Big One as members of "Flying Hellfish" battalion.
    Voices: Nancy Cartwright, Harry Shearer, Dan Castellaneta.

=======================================================================
> Opening Sequence
=======================================================================

>> COUCH SCENE

      OFF runs to the couch and Homer notices a stopplug; interested,
      he pulls it, and sucks the entire room into the resulting hole.

	(Recycled from 3F07.)

=======================================================================
> Did you notice...
=======================================================================
   ... Lisa thinks Mr. Burns is Santa?

Ricardo A. Lafaurie Jr.:
   ... in the couch scene, the floor is orange instead of blue?

Dale Abersold:
   ... Milhouse's grandfather has an (unseen) new wife?  (Does she
       have thick glasses and blue hair?  Inquiring minds want to
       know)
   ... Abe pronounces Milhouse's Grandfather's last name "Van Hooten"
       (Is Abe Canadian?)
   ... Lisa considers Goldie Hawn elderly?
   ... Monty Burns makes quite a convincing Marge Simpson?
   ... the school of Blinkys swimming past Bart?
   ... the lifejackets that sank to the bottom?
   ... the Eurotrash music playing in the German's car?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... the map in the classroom had only 48 states?
   ... when Grampa knocks on the door, Homer is playing with a Chinese
       finger puzzle?
   ... the floor of the lake or ocean Bart was exploring is littered
       with life preservers and life jackets?  (Think about it...)
   ... Springfield's class of '79 sunk a Fotomat?

Don Del Grande:
   ... Nelson's grandfather looks like he could be Chief Wiggum's
       father?
   ... the map behind Mrs. Krabappel's desk has some adjacent states
       with the same color?
   ... there's something brown on Lisa's plate at dinner, but it's not
       a pork chop, which Bart, Marge, and Homer are eating?
   ... Homer associates Medic Alert bracelets with being old, yet most
       of the things that are on those bracelets aren't things that are
       necessarily "achieved" with age?
   ... Mr. Burns sends a message via "Faxtroller"?
   ... Burns' Rolodex cards include Mesmerists (hypnotists), Dowsers
       (people who find water with divining rods), Luddites, Alienists,
       Zororastrians [sic], Alphabetizers, and Asassins?
   ... Burns is a Private First Class, while Abe is a Master Sergeant?
   ... Homer is stuck in a "Chinese finger trap"?
   ... there are only nine members of the Flying Hellfish squad?
   ... Burns never bothers to find out who buried the treasure, since
       that person would know where it is?
   ... the graveyard with the Hellfish memorial is not the one where
       Walt Whitman is buried, since they are both the highest
       tombstones in their respective graveyards?
   ... the paintings' owner's car has license plate AJ 72695 and a "D"
       oval sticker (used in Europe to denote the car is from Germany
       (Deutscheland)), but the sticker is not white with black letter?
   ... there's a house in Germany in 1945 that has paintings in it that
       weren't taken by the government?  (And the paintings supposedly
       belonged to whoever lived there as opposed to being taken from
       France in 1940?)
   ... Maggie eats by herself with a spoon again?

Jason Hancock:
   ... Nelson's grandfather is a judge?
   ... Grampa's alarm clock is set for 2:00 am?
   ... Grampa actually looks forward to seeing his family?
   ... the assassin wears a pillow underneath his shirt while imitating
       Homer, in order to make him look fat?
   ... Burns had brown hair in 1944?
   ... Bart and Grampa both say "D'oh!"
   ... the sunken Fotomat?  (see below)

Mark Richey:
   ... Skinner was outside the school door?
   ... the alarm clock's hands shake?
   ... Burns knows the number of quite a few assassins?
   ... Abe and Bart let out a sigh of relief right before Burns kicks
       Bart?

Dominik Halas:
   ... Grampa refers to Springfield Elementary as a schoolhouse?
   ... Grampa apparently made up his story in 9F18 about spending the war
       as a cabaret girl?  [He said so, duhh --ed]
   ... the double entendre in Grampa's "J. Edgar Hoover probe" remark?
   ... the model UFO in Bart's room, and his UFO calendar? (cf. 2F07)
   ... Bart has knot-tying skills?  (probably from his days as a Junior
       Camper.)
   ... Bart doesn't want to breathe from the mouthpiece that's been in
       Grampa's mouth?

Rick Senger:
   ... Milhouse's grandfather recently remarried?
   ... Milhouse's grandfather doesn't wear a wedding ring?
   ... Grampa walks around with a wooden oatmeal spoon?
   ... when Grampa crosses his legs, they crack?
   ... Grampa wears red polka-dotted boxers?
   ... Smithers wears a name tag in Burns' office?
   ... Fernando Vidal's hacienda looks remarkably similar to the Fat
       Man's mansion in the Cayman's from 3F12?
   ... Burns looks good in a dress?
   ... Grampa has a horseradish "Jones"?
   ... Monty Burns had scraggly red hair as a youth?
   ... Grampa had an admirable build in his army days?
   ... Flanders has a 30 foot yacht?
   ... Bart knows how to scuba-dive?
   ... Bart knows how to light a flare?
   ... although Grampa and Bart surface much faster than is
       recommended, they apparently suffer no ill-effects (the Bends,
       for instance)?
   ... Homer and Marge barely appear in this episode, and Maggie is
       almost invisible?

Frederic Briere:
   ... Abe puts his teeth in a water glass?

Veronica Marquez:
   ... Ned's beatnik father started out as a commander?

=======================================================================
> Cast
=======================================================================

>> Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Abe, Homer, Fernando Vidal, Arnie)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Todd, Rod)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Grandpa Van Houten, Grandpa Muntz, Izzy Wiggum, Ox,
     Etch, Baron von Wortzenberger)
   - Harry Shearer (Rev. Lovejoy, Burns, Smithers, Sheldon Skinner,
     Ned, agents)

>> Also Starring
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
   - Tress MacNeille (the nurse)
   - Maggie Roswell (Maude)
   - Russi Taylor (Martin)

>> Special Guest Voice
   - Marcia Wallace (Ms. Krabappel)

=======================================================================
> Movie, Music, and other References
=======================================================================
	
+ "Day of the Jackal" {hl}
    - Sniper's bullet narrowly misses President Charles De Gaulle when
      he turns his head (cf. Abe)
+ "The Wizard of Oz" {jh} 
    - scene with Grampa in bed similar to scene where Dorothy wakes up
      from her dream
  "Flying Leathernecks" {hl}
    - John Wayne Marine movie
  "The Eagle Has Landed" {hl} 
    - Fighting Germans at castle
  "Kelly's Heroes" {hl}
    - GI's steal Nazi gold.
  "Dirty Dozen: The Next Mission" (made for TV) {hl}
    - Allied soldiers foil plot to assassinate Hitler!
+ "They Saved Hitler's Brain" {bjr}
    - Abe must have had foreknowledge of this 50's B-grade science
      fiction flick when he drew a bead on the German dictator
+ "Raiders of the Lost Ark" {jl}
    - the light in the hellfish's eye pointing to exactly where to dig
+ "The Deep" {hl}
    - Scuba diving for treasure while evil men try to steal it.
~ "The Abyss" {jl}
    - Shots of the deep similar
+ "Black Widow" {jl} {vm}
    - Abe saves a drowning Bart by offering him his oxygen mouthpiece,
      which Bart refuses a few times (Abe=Theresa Russell, Bart=Debra
      Winger)
+ "Mind Control" by D.J. Keoki {mp}
    - music in the baron's car
    - "a really cool New York D.J. who spins `trance' techno"

=======================================================================
> Freeze Frame Fun
=======================================================================

>> Names on the Hellfish List {ddg} {jl}

	Sheldon Skinner
	Arnie Gumble
	Asa Phelps
	Iggy Wiggum
	Milton "Ox" Haas
	Etch Westgrin
	Griff McDonald
	Abe Simpson
	Montgomery Burns

>> Stuff underwater (when they look for the paintings) {jm}, {vm}

     A school of the famous three eyed fishes
     Life preservers
     Sunken Fotomat with "Class of '78 Rules" graffitoed on it
     Man stuck in a kayak, only his skeleton remains

>> Technical Credits (if you care) {vm}

    Overseas Animation: Akom (N.J. Kim) {ddg}
    Assistant Director: Mark Ervin
    Animation Timers: Chris Loudon, Nichole Graham, Michael Polcino,
      Brian Sheesley, Gary McCarver
    Storyboard: John Rice, Jeffrey Lynch, Celia Kendrick
    Character Design Supervisor: Scott Alberts
    Character Design: Dale Hendrickson, Joseph Wack, Mark Howard, Matt
      Groening, Sam Simon
    Background Design Supervisor: Lance Wilder
    Background Design: John Krause, Maria Marrioti-Wilder, Edgar
      Duncan

=======================================================================
> Previous Episode References
=======================================================================
- [MG44] Bart dives underwater
- [7G03], [7F01], [2F15] Three-eyed fish are seen
- [7G05] Bart the General {hl}
- [7G09], [2F22] RVs are seen {vm}
- [7F17] Grampa attends a funeral {jh}
- [7F21] Someone holds grenade too long {hl}
- [9F03] Homer wants to put Grampa in a home after he already did so
  {jh}
- [9F03] Grampa loses his teeth {vm}
- [9F05] Burns and Child Labor {vm}
- [9F12], [3F17] Nelson's family is seen or referred to {vm}
- [9F18] Abe's WW2 experiences
- [9F21] Bart: "Consarn it!" {vm}
- [1F01] A hole is made in the Simpsons house {vm} {fb}
- [1F01] Mr. Burns breaks into the Simpson house {jh}
- [1F03] The closing theme is recycled from this {vm}
- [1F12] Abe: "Consarn it!" {vm}
- [1F16] Someone impersonates OFF {jh}
- [1F18] Someone uses the word terlet {dh2}
- [1F18] Ned's father is referenced {vm}
- [1F21], [2F16], [2F18] Burns points a gun at Bart {vm} {ddg} {fb}
- [2F02] Grenade missing pin {hl}
- [2F09] Abe saves Mr. Burns' life which is how he became a Stonecutter
  {jl}
- [2F13] The U.S. State Department shows up {jh}
- [2F32] A funeral in the rain with very few people there {ddg}
- [3F02] One of Milhouse's grandparents is seen {jh}
- [3F13] Sniper's bullet narrowly misses Lisa when her head suddenly
  turns {hl}
- [3F16] Grampa and another old man get into a fistfight {jh}

=======================================================================
> Animation, Continuity, and other Goofs
=======================================================================

- The voices of Abe, Homer, and Ms. Krabappel seemed "off" during the 
  first act.  {dga}

= In the first shot of Grampa Van Houten, the classroom's alphabet
  display says "Fe" instead of "Ee."  {jh}

= When Nelson's grandfather was speaking, Nelson was in the second row,
  but when he sat down, they both were in the front.  {mar}

- On Mrs. Krabappel's map, the Great Lakes are all different colors.
  {jh}

* Rev. Lovejoy enters his car from the passenger side.  {dh2}

+ According to Old Money (7F17), the Simpsons visit Abe every Sunday.
  {vm}

= Holes were (briefly) blasted in Grampa.  {mar}

+ The nurse has a different voice than in other episodes.  {vm}

* The shotgun sounded like a single, but it was double barreled.  {mar}

+ Grampa never had to stay in Bart's room during previous stays.  {mar}

+ The Simpsons never had a dumpster before.  {vm}

+ Bart's bed is usually against the wall adjacent to Lisa's room.
  {vm}

+ We've never seen that Hellfish tattoo on Grampa before.  {jh}

+ Monty Burns should be considerably older than Abe Simpson.  {dga}

+ Assuming Burns is 104, he would have been 52 in 1944, far to old to
  be a private in the army.  {mar}

+ Burns had already lost almost all of his hair by the 1920's.  (cf.
  7F02)  {dh2}

* Grampa calls Arnie Gumble a "private fifth class", but there are
  only three classes of private.  {ddg}

* It takes more than one person to run a tank.  {ddg}

c When Abe talks about the closing days of the war, CC indicates
  "gunfire", yet none can be heard.  {fb}

* Grampa threatens to refer Burns to "Commander Flanders", yet
  Commander is a Navy rank.  {ddg}

* How did Burns know Grampa was hiding out in OFF's house?  {jh}

= When Bart shows Grampa the keys he got from Burns, they look
  different from the keys Burns and Grampa show each other at the
  funeral.  {ddg}

* If Homer was awake, wouldn't he have heard the commotion in Bart's
  room?  {mar}

= There wasn't a fence around the Hellfish graves during Asa's funeral.
  {dh2}

* Turning all nine keys on the headstone the second time produces a
  completely differerent result than it did the first time (ie, from
  opening the stone to the stone projecting a light beacon).  {rs}

+ Springfield's cemetery isn't on a cliff.  {dh2}

= When Bart first sees the chest, he's not carrying the rope.  {mar}

- Burns clearly has more hair than usual in the last act.  {rs}

= One of Burns's hands disappears off the gun.  {mar}

* If the box was sealed with Bart in it, how did water get in (from the
  bottom of the box, no less) without water ever getting in and ruining
  the paintings before?  {ddg}

= When Grampa opened the box's lid, the lock was not on the latch, yet
  when Burns kicked the box (with Bart in it) back into the water, the
  lock was on it.  {ddg}

= Grampa's slippers appear and disappear from the waterskiing scene on.
  {mar}

+ There were more than three pictures.  {mar}

* How would the State Department officials know to arrive on the beach
  at exactly that time?  {dh2}

* The sun rises rather quickly at the end of the episode.  {fb}

=======================================================================
> Comments and other observations
=======================================================================

>> OED Non-References

Once again, Haynes Lee clears up some obscure words:

    Tontine: "An annuity shared by subscribers of a loan, the shares
	      increasing as subscribers die until the last survivor
	      gets all.  Named after Lorenzo Tonti of Naples,
	      originator of tontines in France."

    Zororastrian: "A dualistic religion founded in 6th century B.C.
		   Persia."

>> Parade of Stars

Some famous people mentioned (but not actually parodied) in this
episode, courtesy of Benjamin J. Robinson:

Jacques Cousteau:  "Famed undersea explorer, marine environmentalist,
     and inventor of SCUBA gear.  He's easily on the north side of
     seventy, but he's still going strong."

Goldie Hawn:  "Comic actress.  She got her start on 'Laugh In', and
     parlayed this into a reasonably successful movie career.  I think
     she's around fifty."  Jason Hancock elaborates: "According to the
     1996 World Almanac, Goldie Hawn was born on November 21, 1945,
     which makes her 50 years old.  I doubt you'll find many people who
     would consider 50 "old," especially compared to Grampa."

Marion Barry:  "Mayor of Washington D.C., who makes Quimby look like an
     elder statesman.  He was busted for using crack cocaine.  Ever the
     trooper, Mr. Barry bounced back and ACTUALLY GOT RE-ELECTED mayor
     of D.C."  Dale Abersold adds, "Where else but in America, and
     possibly Austria, could a man with such a checkered past be
     elected to high office?"

J. Edgar Hoover:  "Head of the FBI from the 1930's until his death in
     the mid-1970's.  Among other things he was accused (post-mortem)
     of being a transvestite and a homosexual."

Del Monte:  "Okay, this isn't actually a person; it's a brand name of
     canned fruits and vegetables.  I didn't have a better place to put
     this information."

>> I'm not getting older, I'm getting wetter

Benjamin Robinson rambles, "Burns thinks Abe looks foolish water-skiing
    behind his boat, and chides him to `act his age.'  Little does
    Burns know that Abe _is_ acting his age.  Somewhere in Florida
    there is a man in his seventies -- alas, I forget his name -- who
    not only water-skis, but does so barefoot.  He wears a distinctive
    all-yellow wetsuit, and has taken his act all over the country."

>> Kraftwerk

Benjamin Robinson says, "Kraftwerk was (is?) a West German [now in one
    piece --ed] synth-pop band from the 80's.  I don't remember their
    being big in the U.S., but they supposedly inspired other Europop
    bands like Depeche Mode.  Trivia bit of the day: remember "Cuckoo's
    Egg," about a group of German system crackers?  Kraftwerk was the
    favorite band of one of their members."

>> Grandson of Car Watch

Benjamin Robinson, aka the Groenig mechanic, notes "The car the young
    German Baron drives is a Mercedes SL series.  I could not make out
    the exact model number.  Notice the oval license plate slapped on
    the car's back; in Germany, these are temporary plates used for
    cars destined for export.

    "Also, Burns is using a more modern-looking limousine than his
    usual Rolls Royce-ish looking number.  This proves what was
    previously implied -- Burns has a fleet of automobiles."

>> We need more DeLoreans to run 'em over

Jason Hancock says, "Before there were one-hour photo processing labs
    in drug stores and supermarkets, Fotomat drive-up booths were THE
    places to get your film developed.  In the late 1970s, Fotomats
    were in the parking lots of almost every shopping mall in America.
    There may still be a few of them around somewhere, but for the most
    part they've disappeared.  Apparently Springfield's Fotomats were
    either dumped into the water or converted into "Tacomat"
    restaurants (cf. 3F12, "Bart the Fink")."

>> Sitting on Helmets

According to Mike Branom, "the boys in the 1st of the 9th Air Cav (Air
    Mobile) sat on their helmets so they wouldn't get their balls blown
    off. Upon hearing this news, Chef thought it to be a good idea and
    followed suit."  A similar thing happened in "Full Metal Jacket".

>> I'll have a liberty meat, hold the mayo

The fact is that, during World War I, people were so fervent with
    feelings of hatred and distrust towards the Germans that they
    stopped using German words that were imported into the English
    language.  Examples include: "liberty sausage" instead of
    "frankfurter" or "weiner"; "liberty meat" instead of "hamburger";
    and "liberty cabbage" instead of "sauerkraut".

=======================================================================
> Reviews
=======================================================================

Dale Abersold - Another goofy caper plot, saved by sight gags,
    flashbacks, and the German at the end (a wonderful stereotype).
    Not quite up to the (high) standard of the rest of the season, but
    not chopped liver, either.  Grade: B-.

Chris Courtois - To paraphrase Lisa, "...Curse of the Fighting
    Hellfish" was a rather lifeless outing. The premise had promise,
    but nothing was done with it. It looks like the writers spent more
    effort on that long title than on the actual episode. "The
    Simpsons" is special because it subverts traditional sitcom/mass
    entertainment conventions.  This episode was maddeningly
    predictable. A few chuckles here and there (the Marion Berry jab,
    the foiled Hitler assassination) but not much else. The sappy
    ending didn't improve things any. Even after ignoring all the
    continuity errors, characterization lapses, and plot holes (the
    infamous "it's-just-a-cartoon" defense), this one only rates a C-.

Don Del Grande - Another "somewhere in the middle episode" - a few good
    laughs, but nothing to get excited over, especially for a story
    without a subplot.

Dominik Halas - Although I did find myself laughing several times, all
    in all this episode just didn't click.  The flashbacks aren't as
    funny as they once were; they're getting tedious and contradictory.
    The ending seemed especially contrived, as if the writers realized
    they needed an ending that returned everything back to normal, and
    tacked this one on at the last minute.  Grade:  C-.

Jason Hancock - Ehhh... kind of a mixed bag here.  I liked the
    Grandparents' Day scene at the beginning and the war flashbacks
    were good.  But Mr. Burns and Grampa were both _completely_ out of
    character for much of the episode (especially the third act), and
    the fight scenes were just plain dumb.  Grade:  C.

Patrick Hayden - This epsiode just didn't do anything for me.  I
    laughed a couple times, and smiled at a few others, but I really
    can't say that I liked it.  Again, no subplot to speak of, or any
    good character development.  Also, the voices and animation seemed
    wrong, especially compared to "Team Homer" which came on right
    after.  All, in all, I can only give it a C+, and only because I
    thought Grandpa putting a clock in his mouth was pretty funny.

Haynes Lee - As "Lisa's Wedding" showed Springfield in the near future,
    this episode shows Springfield in its recent past. It was nice to
    see all the men's fathers, and Mr. Skinner to boot.  Grade: A+

John Murray - Overall only an average episode, severally lacking some
    of things that make the Simpsons great (funny lines?).  This
    episode only had a few laughs, but the lines that made me laugh
    were pretty good (Marion Barry).  Also, something we have some
    more of lately is seeing other much different sides of characters,
    we see Grandpa in a some what "normal" state for a good part of
    this episode.  Grade: C+

Mark Richey - Sadly, the funniest thing about this episode is the
    title.  Grampa went from senile idiot to lean mean fighting machine
    too quickly.  Yeah, I know it was part of the joke, but it still
    didn't make much sense.  Burns was both too healthy and too evil.
    The WWII scenes were pretty amusing, but the entire third act was
    silly.  Grade: C

Benjamin J. Robinson - Like "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds (2F18)," this
    was a foray into the action-adventure genre.  And, like "Two Dozen
    and One Greyhounds," this one was too much like a kiddie action-
    adventure movie.  Some funny moments, but this episode would have
    worked better as a dramatic movie than as an episode of "The
    Simpsons."  (C+)

Rick Senger - Another change of pace, and despite some complaints from
    others, I enjoyed it.  Grampa's war memories were fascinating and
    effectively presented; the "List of Adrian Messenger" satire was
    well-done, too.  Big Laffs: Burns as Marge and Smithers as Bart,
    Grampa scuba-diving, Burns' cherry picker entrance, and "Fun boys;
    get a rooom!"  Nothing insightful, but as harmless fun goes, this
    one was pleasant enough. B.

Yours Truly - On one side, this episode showed Grampa's non-"old coot"
    side that was only shown before on "Bart the General", it had some
    good jokes (Marion Berry) and the plot was well-written.  On the
    down side, Burns became out of character towards the end, many
    jokes fell flat, and the maudlin sentiment was about as obvious as
    one of the better episodes of "Blossom".  Grade: C

AVERAGE GRADE: C/C+ (2.41)

=======================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary {fb}
=======================================================================
% In occasion of Springfield Elementary's Grandparents' Day, "A Low-
% Cost Outing For Seniors", every child has brought one of his
% grandparents to school. Of course, Bart is stuck with Abe, who has
% found a new habit in spitting on the floor.

 Abe: [spits]
Bart: Grampa! I don't mind when you spit at home, but I have to work
      with these people.
 Abe: Oh, jabberjack. Schoolhouse don't put up spittoons, I ain't
      responsible. [spits]
-- A serious lack in our educational system,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

All right, seniors, we'd all love to share in your wisdom, experience,
yadda yadda yadda.
-- Mrs. Krabappel shows her deepest interest,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

     Mrs.K: Let's start with Milhouse's grandfather.
Van Houten: Uh, how many of you have a house?
             [children raise their hands]
Van Houten: All right, now how many of you drove your house to school
            today?
             [children raise their hands again, then wake up]
  Children: Huh?
Van Houten: Well, I did. [chuckles] No, I'm not Superman; I just own an
            RV. Me and the new wife travel the country searching for
            adventure. Last fall, we won a chili cook-off in Beaumont,
            Texas.
  Children: Wow!
-- More excitement than any videogame,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% "You're living in a fool's paradise, Van Houten," Abe criticizes.
% "If you fell down in the shower, that thing would be your tomb."
% But Bart turns Abe's attention back to spitting.

 Muntz: [chuckles] No, I'm not Superman; I'm a judge. Why, just this
        morning I sentenced my 46th man to death. Oh... no, 47th.
Nelson: Wow, 47! I love you Grandpa.
-- I reached him, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% But Abe just can't shut up...

Yeah... well, I may not have a fancy black bathrobe and a hammer like
Snooty, but I do have slippers and an oatmeal spoon. Look!
-- Abe vs. Judge Muntz, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Mrs. Krabappel invites Abe to come up front and "give someone else a
% chance to interrupt" over Bart's protests.  "About time, knothead,"
% Abe grumbles.
%
% The storyteller comes in front of the class, and urges everybody to
% shut up.

   Abe: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety"
        'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that
        rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles...
         [children laughing]
Martin: "Dickety"? Highly dubious!
   Abe: What're you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your
        problem!
         [children laughing]
   Abe: Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss
        how I invented the terlet.
 Mrs.K: "Terlet"? Hah!
         [children laughing]
   Abe: Stop your snickerin'! I spent three years on that terlet!
-- Well, duh, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% But it's no use; he's just making a fool of himself and Bart. At
% home, comes supper time, Bart complains about it to the family.

 Bart: And then, he claimed he was the one who turned cats and dogs
       against each other. Why is he always making up those crazy
       stories?
Homer: Maybe it's time we put Grampa in a home.
 Lisa: You already put him in a home.
 Bart: Maybe it's time we put him in one where he can't get out.
-- What about cryogenics?, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

 Lisa: Old people deserve our respect. Look at Jacques Cousteau and
       Goldie Hawn; you wouldn't shut them away like second-class
       citizens.
Homer: Pftt... second class? What about social security, bus discounts,
       Medic-Alert jewelry, Gold Bond powder, pants all the way up to
       your armpits, and all those other senior perks? Oh, if you ask
       me, old folks have it pretty sweet.
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% But at Springfield's Retirement Castle, life doesn't always hold that
% much excitement, as Abe has nothing else to do but read his mail,
% which is nothing else than a bunch of flyers.

"Consider burial at... Sea World!"
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Eh, this junk was hardly worth getting up for. Maybe if I go back to
sleep for a few days some <good> mail will build up.
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% As Abe ponders this option, he notices an envelope. The letter is
% from the Fighting Hellfish, and says only one thing: "Asa Phelps has
% died."  This comes as shocking news to Abe: "The 7th Hellfish is
% dead?! That means the fortune's almost mine..."
%
% At Asa's funeral ceremony, Abe is the only one present, until
% Montgomery Burns shows up. During Reverend Lovejoy's lecture, he
% pulls a string from his coat, revealing a key tied at the end. Abe
% nods, and pulls a long string from his own coat; after a while, he
% reaches the very end, where a similar key is tied. Burns nods in
% agreement.

Asa Phelps spent his entire life in Springfield, except for four years'
service in WWII and one high school day-trip. He worked at the United
Strut and Bracing Works as a molder's boy, until he was replaced by a
Molder-Matic, and died.
-- Eulogy of Asa Phelps as spoken by Reverend Timothy Lovejoy,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% After Lovejoy drives away, Abe and Burns walk to a monument bearing a
% statue of the Hellfish. On the front is a door with nine keyholes, of
% which seven already have a key inserted in. Without a word, Abe and
% Burns insert their own key and unlock the door, which holds a metal
% box. "Would you do the honors?" asks Burns. Abe thus opens the box
% and takes out a piece of paper, on which nine names are written.
% After he has crossed out Asa Phelps, only his name and Burns' remain.

Burns: There, Simpson: seven gone. As soon as you're in your pressboard
       coffin, I'll be the sole survivor and the treasure will be mine.
  Abe: Over my dead body, it will!
-- Unclear on the concept, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Burns: Oh, Simpson, can't you go five seconds without humiliating
       yourself?
        [Abe's pants go down with a "boing"]
  Abe: How long was that?
-- About three seconds, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Burns notes, "Your clownish behavior notwithstanding, we have made a
% gentlemen's agreement, and sworn on our lives to honor it."  Then, in
% the car, he asks Smithers to have him killed. As Smithers drives away,
% Abe's pants go down with a boinging sound again.
%
% [End of Act One.  Time: 4'57"]
%
% At his office, Burns goes through his Rolodex.

Let's see... Mesmerists, Dowsers, Luddites, Alienists, Zoroastrians,
Alphabetizers... A-ha! Assassins...
-- Monty Burns' Rolodex, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Smithers wonders if assassinating Abe is really necessary due to his
% old age, but Burns can't risk to lose the Hellfish bonanza to Abe, so
% he needs the world's most devious assassin: Fernando Vidal.
%
% At his mansion, Vidal answers the phone.

Vidal: Hola?
Burns: Fernando, it's M.B.
Vidal: Ah, Marion Barry. Is it time for another shipment already?
-- Old friends die hard, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% "No, it's Montgomery Burns!" Vidal puts up plan A: while Abe is
% asleep, he pours some drops of poison in his water glass, which
% holds his denture. Then, he simply advances the alarm clock to Abe's
% wake-up time. In his slumber, Abe throws away the glass with his
% teeth and sticks a clock in his mouth.

        [Abe's poison teeth lie on the floor as he runs with a clock
         in his mouth]
Vidal: Ah, he's more clever than he looks...
-- Or sound, or our best testing indicates,
     "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Then it's up to plan B...

   Nurse: Abraham Simpson, your family is here to visit you.
     Abe: Hot diggity, my family's come to visit me!
           [runs down the hall]
          Wait a minute... My family never comes to vi... Whoa!
           [a knife flies at his head]
   Vidal: [disguised as Homer] D'oh! Not again!
   Burns: [disguised as Marge] I can't take much more of your blundering
          numskullery.
Smithers: [disguised as Bart] I'll be in the car, dudes.
-- Just like the real thing, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Vidal: There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and
       precise as a well-played game of chess.
        [bursts into Retirement Castle with a machine gun and shoots
         away]
-- Versus Lloyd Christmas, maybe, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Vidal blows everything to bits but Abe and Jasper.

Was that me or was that you?
-- Jasper after someone shoots a gun,
     "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

  Abe: Nurse! Someone's trying to kill me!
Nurse: Okay, we'll do something about that right away. Let's start by
       doubling your medication.
-- That will help a bit, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

        [Vidal comes in, shoots everywhere]
Nurse: [loads shotgun]
       [shoots] Our residents
       [shoots] are trying
       [shoots] to nap!
       [shoots]
-- Should've phoned ahead, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Fearing for his safety, Abe rushes to his son's home.

  Abe: [pounding on the door] Let me in! Someone's trying to kill me!
       Sweet merciful McGillicuddy, you gotta open the door!
Homer: Who is it?
Marge: It's Grampa. And it sounds like he's gotten into the horseradish
       again.
-- Mmm... horseradish, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Lying on the couch, Abe utters this anecdote of his.

  Abe: And then, a knife flew at my head. And [points to Homer] you
       were there, and [points to Homer] <you> were there...
Lisa: Uh, Grampa, maybe I should moisten your washcloth.
 Abe: It's plenty moist!
-- Perhaps medication <was> the answer,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Since Abe can't give away the reason for Burns' will to kill him,
% nobody believes his story. Nevertheless, they are willing to let him
% stay.

Marge: Where are we going to put him?
Homer: Bart's room.
 Lisa: Bart's room.
Marge: Bart's room.
 Bart: Dumpster.
-- I'll go with the family, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% From his room, Bart sighs and looks at the dumpster as his grandfather
% unpacks.

 Abe: Sorry to crowd you boy, but I'll let you in on a secret. Burns is
      after me 'cause he wants the Hellfish bonanza.
Bart: Look, if you're gonna stay in my room, could you at least stop
      making up gibberish?
 Abe: Gibberish, eh? Then, what's <this>?
       [lifts his sleeve, revealing a tattoo]
Bart: Wrinkly gibberish?
-- He's got an answer for everything,
     "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

I got this in the second World War II...
-- Abe shows off his Hellfish tattoo,
     "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Flashback to 1944, at the Ardennes.

Back then, I was known as Sgt. Simpson, and I commanded the Flying
Hellfish, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the
third-fightingest battalion in the army.
-- Abe starts his story, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Abe introduces Bart via flashback to the Flying Hellfish; Iggy Wiggum
% who left a grenade without a pin in a knapsack; Sheldon Skinner,
% with a "Shoot me" sign on the back; Private Fifth Class Arnie Gumble
% who burps in a tank; and Griff, Asa, Ox, and Etch. But every unit has
% a troublemaker; in the case of the Hellfish, it was a cocky little
% private named Montgomery Burns.
%
% In this flashback, Burns is carried unconscious on a litter, until he
% wakes up.

Duh, hey! You said you was dead!
-- Ox carries Burns out on a litter, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Bart: Mm-hmm. You bossed around the richest, most powerful guy in town.
      How come you were a sergeant and he was only a private?
 Abe: Well... he got busted down for obstructing a probe from J. Edgar
      Hoover. We got stuck with him.
-- That's an onion in the ointment, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Among Sergeant Simpson's accomplishments is the time he almost shot
% the Furher...

Heh heh heh. Now they'll never save your brain, Hitler.
-- Sergeant Simpson about to change history,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Of course, something stood in the way: a tennis ball, to be precise,
% thrown by nobody else than Monty Burns. "Little help?" he asks,
% holding a racket. Soon he has other things to care about, as Germans
% start shooting at the squad. One grenade lands right next to Burns,
% and Simpson saves the day by sitting on it with his helmet.

Boom! Boom, it went! Boom! Just like that! They took a photo of my
keister for Stars and Stripes. At least they told me it was for Stars
and Stripes.
-- Abraham J. Simpson, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Back to the closing days of the war, as the Hellfish had just flushed
% some Germans out of an abandoned castle, Burns holds a painting, and
% carts it away.  Sgt. Simpson threatens to report Burns to Commander
% Flanders.

   Sgt.: Just leave [the paintings], Burnsie.
  Burns: Leave them for whom, the Germans, the folks who shoot at us all
         day? Let's just take them. We'll all be rich, rich as Nazis.
-- Wow, Nazis, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
   
   Etch: Think of what a guy could get himself with that kind of
         scratch!
Skinner: Yeah, I could buy chicken dinners three times a day!
 Wiggum: I could buy a brand-new studebaker, one with a fan on the
         dashboard!
 Gumble: I could pay my way into high- [belches] society!
   Sgt.: Well, I don't feel right about it, but I could use a nest egg
         for retirement. I'd hate to wind up in one of them old folks
         homes...
-- WWII paintings are found, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Burns: Then it's agreed. Of course, we can't sell the paintings now,
       we'd be caught. How many of you are familiar with the concept of
       a "tontine"?
        [all stare at him, until Ox raises his hand]
Burns: All right, Ox. Why don't you take us through it?
   Ox: Duh, essentially, we all enter into a contract whereby the last
       surviving participant becomes the sole possessor of all them
       purty pictures.
Burns: Well put, Oxford.
-- His name comes with a dual meaning,
    "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% "Now remember, you can't _all_ sign with an X."

 Abe: So, we sealed up the paintings knowing only one of us would ever
      look upon them again. Ox was the first to go; he got a hernia
      carrying the crate out of the castle. Five more men died in the
      Veteran's Day float disaster of '79. Now, with Asa gone, it's down
      to me and Burns.
Bart: Great story Grampa, could've used a vampire though. 'Night.
-- Some captivated audience, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Abe mourns over the fact that his own grandson doesn't believe him,
% until a loud buzzing is heard as someone is sawing the outside wall.
% Next thing Bart and Abe know, Burns rides a crane inside the room.

  Abe: [yells] Don't kill me!
Burns: I've tried to meet you halfway on this, Simpson, but you had to
       be little Johnny Live-a-lot. Now, give me your key to the
       Hellfish bonanza.
 Bart: Oh, wow! There really <is> a treasure! Whatever you do, don't
       give him the key, Grampa.
  Abe: Here's the key.
 Bart: Aw... figures.
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% But Bart has something up his sleeve, as he gets on the crane...

 Bart: Hey, Mr. Burns! Can I go with you to get the treasure? I won't
       eat much and I don't know the difference between right and
       wrong.
Burns: Oh, you're a good boy, but the child labor people have been
       watching me like a hawk.
-- Even though they crashed on my property,
     "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Burns: Well, I'm off to get paintings; as they say, time is "Monets".
       As you were, Sergeant. [laughs]
        [pushes the wrong button on his crane, and ends up through
         another wall]
Burns: Oh, terribly sorry. Back to sleep, little girl.
 Lisa: Santa?
-- Or was it Maggie now, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Burns finally manages to get out of the house.

 Abe: Ah, I guess Burns is finally gonna be rich.
Bart: Not without the keys, he isn't! [shows Abe the two keys]
       [long pause]
 Abe: Hey, you got the keys!
-- Delayed reaction, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Bart: Now we can get the treasure!
 Abe: Oh, what's the use. Burns would still find some way to take it
      from me.
Bart: I can't believe you, Grampa. The sergeant in that story you told
      would never be scared of a dork like Burns. You gotta get that
      treasure, you gotta do it for Ox, and Asa, and Griff, and
      Burnsie... Well, not so much Burnsie.
-- What about the children?, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

 Abe: You really think I can do it?
Bart: [unconvincing] Uh, yes...
-- I'm so glad you believe in me, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% So, they both rush out of Bart's room, and bump into Homer who was up
% for a snack.

Homer: Where are you two going at this hour?
 Bart: On a treasure hunt.
Homer: Oh! Can I come?
  Abe: Only if you're ready to stare danger in the face, put your
       manhood to the ultimate test, and take...
Homer: Pass.
-- I'll miss Sherrif Lobo, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% [End of Act Two.  Time: 14'07"]
%
% In order to get the treasure, Bart and Abe head for the Hellfish
% monument in Springfield's cemetery.

Bart: Hey, Grampa, do you think that dead bodies get up and walk around
      at night?
 Abe: If they're anything like me, they have to get up twice.
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% But before he digs up the treasure, Abe stops before the graves of
% the seven living-impaired Hellfish.  "Fellas, it's me, Sarge.  At
% ease."

I know I'm bending the rules tonight, but I also know none of you wants
that skunk Burns to take our treasure. And I want you to know that when
I die, you're all welcome to visit me in rich men's heaven.
-- Grampa, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Abe inserts the two remaining keys, and unlocks each of the nine
% locks on the door. The monument rumbles, and out of the Hellfish's
% eye comes a beam of light which slowly progresses towards the
% treasure's location. When this location is revealed to be at sea,
% Bart and Abe can't help shouting out a "D'oh!" in unison.

         Abe: Boy, you borrow us some diving equipment while I borrow
              this boat.
               [starts sawing the anchor]
         Ned: [on the boat] Well, howdy-doodily, stranger! Couldn't
              help but notice you're stealing my boat.
         Abe: I'll bring it back.
         Ned: You ever operated a powerboat?
         Abe: No.
         Ned: Know anything about water safety?
         Abe: No!
         Ned: What do you need it for?
         Abe: It's a secret.
         Ned: Hoo-hoo, sounds spine-tingling-dingling! Just promise
              you'll have a good time.
               [hands him the keys]
         Ned: Maude, boys, come on up! We're gonna have a little camp
              out in the dingy!
Maude & Kids: Yay!
-- Stealing ain't like it used to be anymore,
      "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% At large, Bart puts on the diving equipment.

 Abe: Now, remember the plan, boy. If you run out of air, tug on the
      rope...
Bart: 64 times, no more, no less. Got it.
 Abe: No no! <63> times if you're out of air; <64> is if you found the
      treasure!
-- It's all by the numbers, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Bart: Hey, Grampa, do you thing I could've been a Flying Hellfish?
 Abe: You're a gutsy daredevil with a give-em-hell attitude and a
      fourth-grade education. You could've made sergeant.
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Bart jumps off the boat and starts looking for the treasure, which
% turns up quickly. He ties the crate to the rope, and starts the
% pulling...

Abe: 61... 62... 63... Oh no! 63! He's out of air! I've sent my only
     grandson to a watery gra... 64! He's found the treasure! I'm rich!
-- A wide range of emotions, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% They bring the crate on board, and it is indeed filled with valuable
% and well-preserved paintings. As they browse through the lot, the
% Hellfish light fades away. Bart lights a flare, revealing the shadow
% of Montgomery Burns. Of course, he came to grab the treasure, which
% insults Bart.

 Bart: You coward! You're an embarrassment to the name Hellfish.
Burns: Oh, am I? [aims his gun at Bart]
  Abe: No! Look, take the art if you want, just don't hurt the boy.
Burns: Hmm... I'd rather do both.
        [kicks Bart in the crate, which tilts over and falls in the
         sea]
Burns: So long, Sarge. See you at the reunion in November.
-- A one-man party, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Abe picks up the breathing equipment, throws his denture away, puts
% on the mouthpiece, and jumps. As the crate is filling with water, he
% manages to open the door and get Bart out of it. They struggle a bit
% when Bart refuses to put on the mouthpiece which had just been in
% his grandfather's mouth a moment ago, but he finally gives in.
%
% Once they reach the boat, they can rest in safety --and Abe can put
% back his denture.

Bart: I'm sorry I cost you your fortune, Grampa.
 Abe: Oh, the fortune doesn't matter, boy; the important thing is
      you're safe. Now let's get that fortune!
-- One-track mind, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% So they engage in pursuit of Burns' boat.

Smithers: They're gaining on us, sir. We'll have to jettison something.
           [Burns stares at him]
          It's been an honor to serve you, sir. [jumps off]
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% But Abe won't allow Burns to just get away with it. He takes the
% grapple and fires at Burns' boat, then uses the grapple as a rod for
% water-skiing. Burns finds his acrobatics quite humorous, but changes
% his mind when Abe manages to climb the rope up to his boat and jumps
% over him. The two of them are still fighting when the boat hits the
% shore, propelling them on the beach.

Burns: Don't kill me...
  Abe: I ain't gonna kill ya, that'd be cowardly; Monty Burns cowardly.
       I just want to watch you squirm.
Burns: Yes sir. [squirms] Is this to your liking?
-- That's a good boy, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

Now, Burnsie, there's one thing we don't stand for in the Hellfish, and
that's trying to kill your commanding officer.
-- The fundamental rule of any squad, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% Therefore, Burns is dismissed from both the Hellfish and the tontine,
% leaving Abe as the possessor of the paintings. Having just landed,
% Bart is congratulating his grandfather, but is interrupted by the US
% State Department, which has been helping the German government search
% for this stolen art for 50 years. To avoid an international incident,
% they'll be returning it to the descendant of its rightful owner, who
% just happens to be driving a brand-new Mercedes.

Agent: Baron von Wortzenberger, on behalf of the American people, I
       apologize for...
Baron: Ja ja ja, mach schnell mit der art things, huh? I must get back
       to Dancecentrum in Struttgart in time to see Kraftwerk.
        [the agent is storing the paintings in the trunk]
Baron: Hey, und dummkopf! Watch out for the CD-changer in my trunk, eh?
       Idiot.
        [hops in the car, turns on the radio and drives away]
  Abe: I guess he deserves it more than I do.
-- "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

  Abe: Well, at least I got to show you I wasn't always a pathetic old
       kook...
 Bart: You never were, Grampa.
  Abe: Oh... I'd hug ya, but I know you'd just get embarrassed.
 Bart: I won't get embarrassed; I don't care who knows I love my
       Grampa.
        [both hug]
Baron: Hey, fun boys, get a room!
-- A baron could hold sway, "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"

% [End of Act Three.  Time: 21'30"]
%
% The closing theme is taken from Marge on the Lam [1F03].

=======================================================================
> Contributions
=======================================================================

{dga} - Dale Abersold 
 {fb} - Frederic Briere
{ddg} - Don Del Grande 
{dh2} - Dominik Halas
 {jh} - Jason Hancock
 {hl} - Haynes Lee
 {jl} - Jose Lafaurie
 {vm} - Veronica Marquez
 {jm} - John Murray
 {sp} - Serge Polishchuk
 {mp} - Melissa Prange
{mar} - Mark Richey
{bjr} - Benjamin J. Robinson 
 {rs} - Rick Senger

=======================================================================
> Legal crud
=======================================================================
The above compilation of observations, quote summaries, statistics, and
other miscellaneous information copyright 1996 Chips-Fey Productions.
Not to be used in a public forum without explicit permission from the
author (Ricardo A. Lafaurie Jr.) or his brother Jose Lafaurie.

Any quoted material above remains property of the original authors;
mainly, quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The
Simpsons, and copyright to Twentieth Century Fox.  The compilation is
copyright to Frederic Briere.  So don't sue.

"Da da da, da da da, da da da da da da" Homer sings "Summer Samba"