Bart Sells His Soul                                     Written by Greg Daniels
                                                      Directed by Wesley Archer
===============================================================================
Production code: 3F02                        Original airdate in N.A.: 8-Oct-95
                                                  Capsule revision D, 22-Feb-97
===============================================================================
> Title sequence
===============================================================================
Blackboard :- I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
              I am not a lean mean spitting machi/ at cutoff.

Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro.

Couch      :- The Simpsons drive around the living room in little white
              cars, a la Shriners, each sporting a red fez.  They all
              pull into a line in front of the TV set and honk their
              horns twice.  {jcw}

===============================================================================
> Did you notice...
===============================================================================
John C. Winn:
    ... the title of the sheet music is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida", not "In
        the Garden of Eden"?
    ... when Bart says, "There's no such thing as a soul", his voice has
        an echo which makes it sound as though he's preaching?
    ... Bart's soul is on First Church of Springfield stationery?
    ... Bart sniffs the $5 bill before putting it in his pocket?
    ... Bart uses tweezers to remove the Dino Sponge from the package?

Don Del Grande:
    ... Miss Hoover's lipstick in church is a very light shade?
    ... Reverend Lovejoy's change separator makes four piles, none of
        which look like pennies?
    ... Dr. Hibbert has two sons, unlike Dr. Huxtable from "The Cosby
        Show" who has one?
    ... Maggie sucking on a paper umbrella?
    ... Moe's deep fryer is from the USS Missouri, "C" Deck Mess?
    ... Snowball II coughs up a live bug?
    ... Bart has blue pyjamas on in his dream instead of his usual green
        ones?
    ... Patty and Selma leaving Moe's at the end?

Doug Yovanovich:
    ... in church, the guy behind Homer appears to be drunk?
    ... Apu calls "Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex" only after
        the _second_ time Bart splats his face on the window pane?
    ... Ned calls Rod's birthday his "big ten-oh"?
    ... Sherri and Terri's birthday is the same day as Rod's?
    ... Moe twitches as he forces himself to smile?
    ... Homer's car is always the only one parked on the street in front
        of Moe's?

Aaron Varhola:
    ... Lisa eyeing Bart during grace every time she says "soul"?
    ... Lisa's finger twiddle when she mentions she has secret piggy
        banks?

Nate Patrin:
    ... Bart's cat-eye pupils when he runs away from Wiggum?
    ... Milhouse's grandmother sounds like June Foray?

Dominik Halas:
    ... Homer and Lisa's disheveled hair in church?
    ... Apu's "Welcome" mat is backwards, so it reads "Welcome" when
        you're leaving?
    ... Itchy drops a 1989 penny?
    ... the bench and the plant outside Uncle Moe's?
    ... the Million-Dollar Birthday Fries have four American flags and a
        green dollar sign in them?
    ... Bart disappears into the fog?
    ... one of the pogs shows Alf shaving?
    ... the street number of the comic book store is 507?
    ... the McBain poster in the comic book store?

Bob Yantosca:
    ... Mrs. Feesh is an excellent organist?
    ... Mrs. Van Houten lets Milhouse play in the mud?
    ... Chief Wiggum sees nothing wrong with bringing Ralph on patrol
        with him?
    ... Chief Wiggum is a lousy counsellor?
    ... the familial resemblance between Milhouse and his grandma?
    ... Milhouse actually likes Alf?
    ... the Red Sox pennant banner on the comic store wall?

Ricardo Lafaurie:
    ... it takes Rev. Lovejoy a rather long time to figure out that the
        hymn was replaced?
    ... when Bart recites Rev. Lovejoy's talk of hell, his eyes look
        like he's reading something?
    ... Bart says "chum", then after a long hum, pops his lips out,
        making it "chump"?
    ... Moe wears a small wig in Uncle Moe's?
    ... the amount of dust on Moe's mirror?
    ... the music from I&S was the same as in "Spay Anything" in 9F22?
    ... the souvenirs in I&S land around Scratchy in a heart formation?
    ... hearts continue to pour forth from Scratchy after his eye gets
        impaled?
    ... Lisa and Bart don't bother to help Homer get unstuck?
    ... one of the little girls in Uncle Moe's looked similar to
        Samantha Stanky from 8F22?
    ... Milhouse has trouble laughing maniacally?
    ... the people in the Uncle Moe's commercial eat the top of the wine
        glass and the side of the tray?
    ... in Bart's dream, someone says "My soul is my best friend" and
        another says "A soul is like a toy that never breaks"?  (This
        was not captioned.)
    ... Milhouse had his soul and Bart's rowing in Bart's dream?
    ... Chief Wiggum and Ralph are at Uncle Moe's, but not Mrs. Wiggum?
    ... Chief Wiggum goes to Uncle Moe's in uniform?
    ... Lisa doesn't stop smiling after Bart throws a dinner roll at her
        head?
    ... the coloring suddenly grows darker when Bart gets into the
        police car?
    ... Milhouse and his family sleep with their glasses on?
    ... the grandmother seems to be Mr. Van Houten's mother?
    ... SLH and Snowball II sleep with Bart at the end?
    ... the dank doesn't return to Moe's at the end?

Jose Lafaurie:
    ... after Moe dips the tray in the deep fryer, the candle wax melts?

Dave Hall:
    ... the US flag on the little cars in the couch scene?
    ... Marge and Captain McAllister still have their hats on in Church?
    ... one of Homer's hair strands is unfurled?
    ... everyone's hair is a little missy and the men loosen their ties?
    ... Sherri and Terri look like their mother?
    ... Milhouse wears a red bow tie?
    ... the "heavenly" light above the pipe organ?
    ... Bart writes holding his pen in a fist?
    ... Bart was inside the house of God when he sold his soul to
        Milhouse?
    ... the Hibbert family don't wear seat belts?
    ... Moe seems to be missing a tooth in some scenes?
    ... Carl drinking at Moe's?
    ... Bart sold his soul essentially for Dino Sponges?
    ... Bart's face imprint on the Kwik-E-Mart door?
    ... Jimbo is right-handed?
    ... Homer wants to eat a Buffalo?
    ... Moe's deep fryer is almost as big as his bar?
    ... the other animals in the Itchy & Scratchy clip?
    ... Milhouse lives in a bungalow?
    ... Milhouse's house has bay windows?
    ... Milhouse's yard has weeds?
    ... Milhouse was rubbing Bart's soul into the mud?
    ... having Bart's soul warps Milhouse's character?
    ... the deep fryer guy wears rubber gloves in Moe's commercial?
    ... Marge rubs Bart's spiky hair?
    ... Bart is barefoot in his dream?
    ... Martin holding hands with his soul?
    ... Martin and his soul wearing sailor suits?
    ... Moe calls Bart, Lisa and Maggie, cute little minors?
    ... Moe has a player piano?
    ... all the meals comes with little flags on them?
    ... Maggie knows what saying grace is?
    ... Barney sitting at the bar?
    ... Sherry and Terri's mother holding a cocktail drink?
    ... Patty and Selma wearing hats?
    ... the boy draws Moe with three fingers per hand?
    ... Barney leaves Moe too?
    ... Chief Wiggum doesn't wear his seat beat?
    ... Chief Wiggum wears his badge on the correct side of his chest?
    ... Chief Wiggum hoists his pants up?
    ... Bart's clothing is a bit crumpled?
    ... Milhouse's parents sleep with their slippers on?
    ... one of the Van Houtens snores?
    ... Grandma Van Houten doesn't lock her apartment door?
    ... the Van Houtens have tiny dots for eyes?
    ... Milhouse's pyjamas has pockets?
    ... the Scratchy doll in Bart's bookcase?
    ... Bart kisses Lisa on the cheek?
    ... Bart uses both hands to eat his soul?

Tony Hill:
    ... Moe's Tavern has neighbors again?  (c.f. 2F16, 2F20)
    ... Uncle Moe wears an armband?
    ... the Space Needle includes the 10th story which they added about
        ten years ago?
    ... the comic book store opens just after sunrise?

Jussi Pakkanen:
    ... Ralph has a Super Soaker?
    ... the street cleaner is a lot like groundskeeper Willy?

===============================================================================
> Voice credits
===============================================================================
- Starring
    - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Barney, Krusty, derelict)
    - Julie Kavner (Marge)
    - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Ralph, Hibbert's younger boy, Rod, Todd,
      Nelson, child with sore teef)
    - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
    - Hank Azaria (Hibbert's older boy, Moe, Carl, Apu, waiter, potato
      bug guy with helmet off, Snake, Wiggum, Mr. Van Houten, comic
      store owner)
    - Harry Shearer (Lovejoy, Hibbert, announcer in Moe's ad, potato bug
      guy with helmet on)
- Also Starring
    - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Dolph, Jimbo)
    - Tress MacNeille (Milhouse's grandmother)
    - Maggie Roswell (Mrs. Van Houten, Maude)
    - Russi Taylor (Hibbert's daughter, Sherri, Terri, Martin)

===============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
===============================================================================

  + L. Ron Hubbard {jcw}
    - the reverend reads the name as "I.  Ron Butterfly" (see below)
    Stephen King's "The Stand" {jp}
    - Milhouse, startled by a raven, is reminiscent of Flagg traveling
      in the shape of a crow
  + the Spaghetti Factory restaurants
    - Hibbert's son refers to "The Spaghetti Laboratory"
  + the Texas Schoolbook Depository (from which Oswald allegedly shot
    JFK)
    - Hibbert refers to the "Texas Cheesecake Depository"
    the US government's cheese surplus warehouses {hl}
    - in the early 80s, the government used to keep surplus cheese in
      warehouses, hence "cheese depository"
  + Bennigan's and Fuddrucker's, two US restaurant chains {jcw}
    - the authors of Moe's book
  + "Wild Palms" {jp}
    - Bart's line "Everything about me must go"
  + "Sleepless in Seattle" {bw}
    - Itchy & Scratchy title "Skinless in Seattle"
  + T. G. I. Friday restaurants {av}
    - red-and-white-striped awnings are a trademark of theirs
    - around Christmas 1992, they offered the "Ho Ho Homer platter", a
      plate of fried foods
  + "Alice" {ddg}
    - the episode where Mel offers a free meal if he doesn't smile, just
      like Moe does
    Ren and Stimpy {ddg}
    - "Billy the Beef Tallow Boy" deep-fries a number of inedible
      objects which people then eat
  + "Citizen Kane" {dh2}
    - the sled on Moe's wall with "Rosebud" on it
  + "The Wizard of Oz" {by}
    - the shining castle in Bart's dream looks like Emerald city
    "St. Elsewhere" {ddg}
    - Bart rows with one oar: in an episode where Dr. Fiscus (Howie
      Mandel's character) had been shot, he thought he was in hell where
      the late Dr. White was condemned to rowing in circles with one oar
  + the Jack Benny show {jgb}
    - Milhouse says "Yeees?" exactly like Frank Nelson used to
  + "Star Wars" {bw}
    - the potato bug fumigator guy sounds a lot like Darth Vader
    "Annie" {th}
    - Bart running to Milhouse's grandma's similar to scene where
      orphans make their way from 1 5th Ave. to 995 5th Ave.
    - both chases seem to be in New York City (subway, brownstone
      buildings, streeing numbered into the 200s)
  + Jerry Seinfeld's SO Shoshanna
    - Snake's date has the same name and looks the same
  + "Cheers" {np}
    - the wooden Indian by the door of Uncle Moe's
  + Judy Blume's "Are You There, God?  It's Me, Margaret" {ddg}
    - Bart says this with "Bart Simpson" at the end

===============================================================================
> Previous episode references
===============================================================================
- [7G03] Sherri & Terri's mother is seen {av}
- [7F03] Bart using prayer as a last refuge {av}
- [7F11] Homer wants food _now_, not seconds from now {ddg}
- [7F12] Marge says "Tres bien" {av}
- [7F24] "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" is played by Bill and Marty {av}
- [7F24], [7F75] Michael Jackson is referred to
- [8F04] Maggie praying {av}
- [8F08] Moe changes the theme of his bar and turns a profit for a short
  while {dy}
- [8F16] Todd Flanders picks up bad language from others {av}
- [9F21] Barney: "I like it!"  {rl}
- [1F21] the comic book dealer has a Mary Worth-related item in his
  store {dy}

===============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
===============================================================================
- Sign outside church: {jcw}
     First Church
    of Springfield
   
       NO SHOES
       NO SHIRT
     NO SALVATION
   
- Some of the congregation members: {jcw}
    - Bart, Sherri, Terri (and their mom?), Principal Skinner, Skinner's
      mother, Dr. Hibbert, Marge, Homer, Lunch Lady Doris, Groundskeeper
      Willy, Grampa (sitting apart from the family), Nelson, Wendell,
      Kent Brockman, Ms.  Krabappel, Lisa, Milhouse, Mr. and Mrs. Van
      Houten, Ralph, Chief Wiggum and his wife, Jasper, Hans Moleman,
      Miss Hoover, Richard way in the back {rl}
- Children in Lovejoy's office: {jcw}
    - Lisa, Bart, Ralph, Nelson, Lewis, Richard, Milhouse, Rod, Todd,
      Martin
- Bart's soul: {dh}
   First Church of Springfield -:-
   -----------------------------:-
   
            B A R T
   
        S I M P S O N 'S
   
            S O U L
    
- Dino Sponge package: {rl}
   DinoSponges
            ________
     --__  / Dampen \
   |O / / /  me for  \
   | < < <  DINOSAUR >
   |  \_\ \ TERROR! /
   |   |   ---------
   
- Moe's book: {rl}
         Y O U R
     G I M M I C K Y
   R E S T A U R A N T
   
   -------- by -------
   
         Bennigan
           and
        Fuddrucker
   
- Stenciled on the deep fryer: {jcw}
   USS MISSOURI
   C DECK MESS
   
- Crazy crap on Uncle Moe's walls: {dh2}
    - knight's armor
    - jukebox
    - traffic light
    - cattle horns
    - alligator head wearing sunglasses and a hat
    - mounted fish
    - deer head
    - yield sign
    - old gas pump
    - lisence plates (see below)
    - player piano
    - railway crossing sign
    - a sled (with "Rosebud" written on it, no less)
    - old radio
    - animal-shaped planters
    - barber pole
    - barrel
    - flour sack
    - blue coat of arms with a red fleur de lis
    - metronome
    - trumpet
    - wooden Indian
    - football
    - lamp
    - merge sign
    - trowel
    - cash register
    - telescope
    - crystal ball
    - wagon wheel
    - lots of plants
- License plates on Moe's walls: {av}
    - Above the Flanders' table:
        - Massachusetts 050-768
        - Massachusetts 051-868
        - New Hampshire 100-767 (changes to 100-761 later in scene)
        - Massachusetts 418-(obscured by Maude Flanders' hair)
    - Above the kitchen:
        - [unknown state] 03454
        - [unknown state] 855301 (changes to 85535E in the Sherri &
          Terri scene)
        - [unknown state] 05768 (changes to PT1695 in the Sherri & Terri
          scene)
    - Above the table where the black couple sitting next to the
      Simpsons sit:
        - 051-868; 100-767
    - Above Snake and Shoshanna's table:
        - Virginia TEW-1
- Uncle Moe's specials: {dh2}
    - Ranchy Wingy Thingys
    - ?ritos
    - ?-style ?-dog

===============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
===============================================================================
The words to the hymn are written as "In-a-gadda-da-vida", but the
congregation sings "In the Garden of Eden".  (see below) {ddg}

How did everyone know where to come in?  How did everyone know how to
read music well enough to sing along properly?  {np}

The congregation sure become sweaty quickly.  {rl}

Jasper's beard isn't colored in.  {br}

The shot of everyone holding candles is sloppily-drawn, particularly
Mrs. Krabappel.

Ralph is standing with two people who don't look like his parents in
church.  {dy}

When Lovejoy has the kids in his office, it's 8am: that's one early
church service they must have had.  {br}

When Milhouse snitches on Bart, Martin's hair is gray.  {rl}

Some of the organ pipe cleaners disappear after Moe hands them to the
boys.  {dh}

Lovejoy slams the door to his office, but when he's counting the
collection money, the door is open.  {jcw}

Lovejoy's tie changes colors.  {dh}

Bart does so believe in souls: {rl}

    - MG22: Bart states that his pagan soul yearns to roam free
    - 7F13: Bart doesn't fear hell
    - 7F13: Bart defers to Lisa's soul-saving quest
    - 1F11: Bart yearns to cast away "the shackles of the soul-crushing
      hellhole that is Springfield Elementary"
    - 1F17: Bart welcomes Lisa to "the nether regions of the soul"

The characters looked different, most particularly Moe (whose tooth
isn't usually missing).  {ddg}

Moe _did_ used to serve food (e.g., 7G01 and 7G08).  {dh}

Why would Homer bring Maggie to Moe's, except for the gag?  {ddg}

Marge inquires about the steakfish at Moe's, yet she's allergic to
seafood in 9F06.  {pl}

Lisa is smart enough not to fall for the "present in the driveway"
thing.  {ddg}

The sewer grate in front of the driveway is aligned so that bikes, etc.,
can get their wheels stuck in them.  {ddg}

The sewer grate has never been there before.  {dh}

The driveway looks dry after the spraying.  {dh}

Bart's hose disappears in some scenes.  {dh}

Bart and Lisa's position on the driveway changes.  {dh}

A penny thrown from the Seattle Space Needle would _not_ bury itself in
the concrete.  See the alt.urban.legends FAQ.  {hl}

More space needles land around Scratchy than are dropped by Itchy.
{dh2}

Itchy's shoes vanish.  {dh}

The Navy would absolutely, positively never deliver anything someone
purchased from it as surplus.  {th}

Uncle Moe's restaurant isn't actually a family restaurant since alcohol
is served on the premises.  {th}

The fence to Milhouse's yard grows a gate.  {dh}

Milhouse's location changes in his back yard.  {dh}

Some plastic soldiers don't move even though Millhouse runs over them
with a tank.  {jp}

When Marge tucks Bart in, his room switches designs, from a light switch
and a mirror, to no light switch and a bulletin board.  {rl}

When Marge tucks Bart in, the door to Bart's room becomes a closet.
{rl}

In the first shot, you can't see anything through Bart's window, but in
another shot you can see a tree.  {rl}

The boats don't create waves in some scenes.  {jp}

Bart's dream-ending scream is nonstandard: his tongue is missing.  {rd}

Bart has his hands clinching his bed sheets, but some scenes show his
arms under the covers.  {dh}

The stripes of the tent on either side of the Milhouse's door change
from blue on both sides to pink on both sides to pink on the left and
blue on the right.  {dh2}

The menus disappear from Moe's hand.  {dh}

Rod is celebrating his tenth birthday, according to Ned, but isn't Todd
the same age as Bart, which would make him ten too?  {ddg}

How did Moe know Rod would order those fries?  {dh}

When Bart runs out of Uncle Moe's, Homer's sidehairs are not in their
typical "M" shape.  {rl}

Bart's Spaghetti and Moe Balls disappears in one shot.  {rl}

After Ralph shoots Moe with the water gun, a woman behind Moe turns her
head away from the camera, but in the next shot, she still looks at the
camera.  {rl}

Ralph's water gun disappears.  {dh}

Why isn't Sherri & Terri's father at the party?  {ddg}

Moe's sparklers disappear after his dance for Sherri.  {rl}

Bart's bike differs from that in 2F11.  {dh2}

The street cleaner disappears in a subway station; why would a city with
a subway station also want a monorail in 9F10?  {ddg}

Ralph already knows Bart.  See episodes 8F13, 8F24, 9F13, 1F05, 1F22,
2F04, 2F05, and 2F07.  {dh}

In the establishing shot of the comic book store, the open/closed-plaque
is on the inside of the door.  When the comic book guy turns it over, it
is on the outside.  {jp}

When Bart bangs his head, the X on the Red Sox pennant flag behind him
disappears.  {ddg}

It's raining when Bart walks home, yet he's not wet when he arrives.
{rl}

When Martin says "It's like punting down the Thames!", his lips don't
move.  Plus, the captioning doesn't include the line, which makes me
believe it was added afterward.

===============================================================================
> Reviews
===============================================================================
Mark Richey: I was pleasantly surprised how good this episode was.  It
    was sweet and touching and quite funny.  The characterization of
    Bart and Lisa was excellent.  If the show can remain as good as it
    has been the past two weeks, I think many of the complaints about
    the quality will die down.  Grade: A.

Dave Kathman: I thought this episode was fantastic --- the best since
    "Lisa's Wedding", in my opinion.  It was funny, and touching, and
    just plain unique; it would have been right at home in the third or
    fourth season.  Biggest laugh for me: "Ow!  My freakin' ears!"

Marilyn Castro: This was one of the stupidest episodes I've seen.  It
    was corny and predictable and it had the humor of Erkle's show.  I
    don't know what the hell is wrong with the writers of the show, but
    I think the good ones have been replaced with nephews and beer
    buddies of the show's producers.

Coleman Baker: Tonight's episode, while not the best, was a solid, funny
    one.  What impressed me most about this one is that the writers
    finally created another show with two running storylines -- like the
    great "Lisa's Substitute".  I think this helps the timing of the
    show and the storylines seem to have fewer lulls in them.

Christine Tiplady: A quite unintriguing premise.  Sorry, I don't believe
    in a soul either.  No good laughs.  Much too predictable.  "I sold
    it to someone last night, someone very interested in a little boy's
    soul.  Can't tell you who."  Hmm, I wonder!

Don Del Grande: Grade: B-Plus - a little bit funnier than the first two
    episodes, even if the animation was a little off and each of the
    three scenes ended rather flatly (especially that first scene; the
    music corresponded to Bart's expression and just didn't mix with the
    Homer/SLH joke behind them).

Aaron Varhola: Freakin' great!  A very good balance between humor and
    heartfelt emotion; the parodies of chain restaurants were accurate
    and hilarious, and we got to see that Bart's soul is his mischievous
    spirit.  Lisa was characterized _very_ well; caring, sweet, and
    intelligent, but a bit devious.  A/A+.

Doug Yovanovich: I quite liked this episode.  We got to see more of the
    supporting characters like Moe, the comic book store guy, Milhouse.
    There wasn't much plot to speak of, but the characterizations were
    excellent and the humor was classic.  On the whole, this episode was
    well-written.  Grade: B.

Greg Lam: A-.  Surprisingly good, especially the ending and dream
    sequences.  While predictable, the ending was much better than in
    the similar "Round Springfield", emotional without being maudlin.
    Good enough so I didn't regret missing an amazing ending to the
    Baseball playoff game.

Nate Patrin: This episode kicked hairy yellow butt, right from the In-A-
    Gadda-Da-Vida bit to the Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag bit (I've been
    to restaurants like that and they frighten me) all the way to the
    predictable-but-nice-anyway ending.  I give it 9.0 out of 10.

Dominik Halas: For an episode with such an inherently strange theme, it
    was well done.  I enjoyed seeing some actual character development
    for Bart, and, like last week, there weren't any pointless
    references or lame jokes that had nothing to do with the plot.
    However, it didn't seem like an exceptional episode.  Grade: B+.

Brandon Kremer: With the fantastic characterization and a good storyline
    that didn't seem _too_ outrageous (a la Bart vs Australia), not to
    mention some great writing, I'd have to give this one a 9.5/10.

Bob Yantosca: Grade: A-.  Another great religion episode!  I guess Bart
    didn't learn anything from the time when Homer sold his soul to
    Flanders...At times the episode felt kinda flat but the gags were
    great.

Benjamin Robinson: Good premise, funny joke-writing, a peek at Lisa's
    devious side, and a warm ending make this a fine episode.  Even the
    "Itchy & Scratchy" short was better than usual.  I also liked the
    semi-creepy "Twilight Zone" feel that permeated the first act.  I'll
    give it an A.

Ricardo Lafaurie: An all-time great for me, ranks above "Duffless".
    Yeah, there were some scenes that wound out (the "hymn" and Homer
    trying to get Moe's attention) but some of the stuff was _classic_.
    I also liked the way Sherri and Terri said "We're twins," and the
    Uncle Moe commercial was priceless.  My grade: A.

Jose Lafaurie: A laugh-a-thon from start to finish, especially the "In-A
    Gadda-Da-Vita" and Moe's commercial.  Classic!  Did you notice how
    the announcer sounded all down home and stupid in the commercial?
    Milhouse's Ayatollah line had me ROTFL, and the "raving derelict"
    was freaked.  (A+)

Tony Hill: This was fairly decent, considering the sentimental ending.
    Bart's struggle was actually rather heroic.  The best line was
    Bart's pleading, "you traded my soul for POGS?!"  I thought about
    that line while driving immediately after the ep and laughed so
    much, I nearly had to pull over.  Grade A.

Yours truly: Another fair episode with good characterization and a
    number of decent jokes.  I enjoyed the whole restaurant parody (I've
    had lots of stupid "Happy Birthday"s sung to me and friends over the
    years), but the episode didn't really grab me.  Grade: B.

===============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
===============================================================================
>> In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

A few notes on this song:

    - The song was written and recorded by Iron Butterfly in 1968.
    - It really is 17 minutes long, and includes long bass guitar and
      drum solos.
    - Ricardo Lafaurie says that "according to my reports, in one
      concert, in the middle of the song the guitarists left to get a
      bite to eat and left the drummer alone, then when they returned,
      the song was still playing.  Then the drummer left, i.e. ad
      nauseum.  As you can see, an incredibly long song."
    - Aaron Varhola writes, "It's known as a `bathroom song' because of
      its length.  DJs play it whenever they need to go, so there isn't
      any dead air while nature calls."
    - The official story is that the song was originally called "In the
      Garden of Eden", but when it was recorded, the lead singer was so
      whacked out (alcohol? drugs?) that it came out garbled.
    - Randy Wawrzyniak-Fry supplies the lyrics as:
   
          In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey
          Don't you know that I'm lovin' you
          In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby
          Don't you know that I'll always be true
   
          Oh, won't you come with me
          And take my hand
          Oh, won't you come with me
          And walk this land
          Please take my hand
          In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey
          [etc.]
   
    - Jon Johnson says, "Despite the fact that the album seems like a
      big joke these days, I've heard that it was the biggest seller in
      Atlantic Records' history up until the time Led Zeppelin came
      along.  And, even counting Led Zep, it's still one of the biggest-
      selling albums Atlantic ever stuck their name on.  It's actually a
      pretty fun album if you're in the proper frame of mind."
    - Lovejoy reading the name as "I.  Ron Butterfly" is probably a
      reference to L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the Church of
      Scientology, of which Nancy Cartwright is a fairly high-profile
      member.
    - The sheet music Bart hands out is written in E minor (one sharp),
      but the organist plays it in D minor (one flat).  This isn't
      really an error, though: sheet music for hymns doesn't have to
      correspond perfectly to the instrumental music.

>> Bennigans and Fuddruckers

Tony Hill notes, "Bennigans and Fuddruckers are restaurant chains.
    However, only Fuddrucker's is a family restaurant.  Bennigans, which
    serves alcohol, was owned by Pillsbury.  Pillsbury was forced to
    sell Bennigans after being acquired by Grand Metropolitan, since
    companies which manufacture alcohol are not allowed to sell it to
    consumers."

>> The Simpsons at Moe's

Aaron Varhola lists the previous episodes where Homer's family have come
    to Moe's.

    - 7F10: Marge comes in to to get Homer back after he thought she
      cost him the $500,000 settlement from Mr. Burns hitting Bart with
      his car.
    - 8F04: Lisa goes there to interview Homer for the school paper.
      (Moe serves her a beer and gives Homer her chocolate milk.)
    - 8F09: Bart goes there to pick up Homer and ends up performing for
      Moe and harassing Mr. Burns.
    - 9F19: Bart and Lisa attend the party after the Krusty Komeback
      Special at Moe's.
    - 2F15: Adult Bart goes to Moe's with Homer and Hugh Parkfield.

>> Alf

Ricardo Lafaurie reminds us, "`Alf' was a real loser show back in the
    '80s featuring an alien guy who had a thing for eating cats that
    crash-landed on Earth and lives with an earth family.  It spawned a
    cartoon show, games, and other such merchandise, but, as the way of
    all '80s fads, died out.  (Hopefully, OFF will never die.)"

>> Seven Deadly Sins?

Dan Hoey noticed the following occurrences of the seven deadly sins in
    this episode:

    - Gluttony: Homer's brain saying, "Silence, fool!  It can be ours!"
    - Greed: Moe's comment about family restaurants being where the
      money is
    - Sloth: Bart and Milhouse not working too hard at cleaning the
      organ
    - Lust: Homer to Marge: "Remember when we used to make out to this
      hymn?"
    - Pride: Bart being too proud to believe he has a soul
    - Envy: Lisa wishing she had five bucks
    - Wrath: Moe losing it at the little girl's sodie

===============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
===============================================================================
% [Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of
% Frederic Briere.]
%
% It's another suburban Sunday morning as the faithful file into the
% most holy First Church of Springfield.

    Bart: Hymns, here!  I got hymns, here.  Get 'em while they're holy.
          Fresh from God's brain to your mouth.  Heh heh heh.
 Lovejoy: And now, please rise for our opening hymn, uh..."In the Garden
          of Eden," by I. Ron Butterfly.
           [Mrs. Feesh starts playing]
Everyone: In the garden of Eden, honey,
          Don't you know that I lo-ove yo-ou?
          In the garden of Eden, baby,
          Don't you know that I'll always be tru-ue?
           [Bart chuckles]
   Homer: [quietly] Hey Marge, remember when we used to make out to this
          hymn?
           [they both chuckle]
-- Nothing like sinning to a hymn, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% A longish organ solo takes place, Mrs. Feesh gradually getting
% sweatier and more disheveled.  "Oh won't you come with me/and take my
% hand?" everyone sings.  The Rev. takes a closer look at the words and
% observes, "Wait a minute.  This looks like rock and/or roll."  Someone
% throws a beach ball at him and it bounces off his head.  Seventeen
% minutes later, Mrs. Feesh plays an arpeggio while various members of
% the audience (er, congregation) hold lit candles above them.  She
% plays the final five notes and collapses onto the organ.
%
% Lovejoy is not amused.  He assembles all the kids in his office to
% extract a confession.

 Lovejoy: I know one of you is responsible for this.  So repeat after
          me: If I withhold the truth, may I go straight to Hell where I
          will eat nought but burning hot coals and drink naught but
          burning hot cola --
           [all the kids recite in unison]
   Ralph: [scared] ...where fiery demons will punch me in the back,
    Bart: [bored] ...where my soul will be chopped into confetti and be
          strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers,
Milhouse: ...where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds.
           [a crow outside looks right at him an squawks]
          Bart did it!  That Bart right there!
    Bart: [angry] Milhouse!
 Lovejoy: Milhouse, you did the right thing.  Bart, come with me for
          punishment.  [goes back for Milhouse] You too, snitchy.
-- Lovejoy the inquisitor, "Bart Sells His Soul"

 Lovejoy: [holding cleaning brushes] I want you to clean every one of
          these organ pipes that you have befouled with your popular
          music.
           [hands the brushes out, walks off]
           [Bart and Milhouse start cleaning; a door slams]
    Bart: You shank!  How could you tell on me?
Milhouse: Well I don't want hungry birds pecking my soul forever.
    Bart: Soul?  Come on, Milhouse, there is no such thing as a soul.
          It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the
          bogeyman, or Michael Jackson.
Milhouse: But every religion says there's a soul, Bart.  Why would they
          lie?  What would they have to gain?
           [Lovejoy, in his office, works a change sorting machine]
 Lovejoy: I don't hear scrubbing!
-- Only innumerable fiduciary rewards, "Bart Sells His Soul"

    Bart: Well, if your soul is real, where is it?
Milhouse: [motions to his chest] It's kind of in here.  And when you
          sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape.  Saying "God bless
          you" crams it back in!  [gestures up his nose] And when you
          die, it squirms out and flies away.
    Bart: Uh huh.  What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the
          ocean?
Milhouse: Oh, it can swim.  It's even got wheels in case you die in the
          desert and it has to drive to the cemetery.
    Bart: [sighs] Oh, how can someone with glasses that thick be so
          stupid?  Listen: you don't have a soul, I don't have a soul,
          there's no such thing as a soul!
Milhouse: [smug] Fine.  If you're so sure about that, why don't you sell
          your soul to me?
    Bart: [pause] How much you got?
Milhouse: Five bucks.
    Bart: Deal.
           [writes "Bart Simpson's Soul" on a piece of paper]
          There you go: one soul.
Milhouse: [sly] Pleasure doing business with you.
    Bart: Any time, chum...p.
-- The transaction thickens, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Dr. Hibbert and his family drive around looking for a place to go out
% for dinner.

Hibbert: All right, where would you kids like to eat tonight?
  Kid 1: The Spaghetti Laboratory!
  Kid 2: Face Stuffers!
  Kid 3: Professor P. J. Cornucopia's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great
         American Steakery!
Hibbert: [chuckles] Well, what about this place?  [stops the car]
         "Moe's".
          [inside, the usual crowd sit around at the bar]
          [Hibbert opens the door]
 Barney: Aah!  Natural light!  Get it off me...get it off me!
Hibbert: Oh, I'm sorry: I thought this was a family restaurant.
    Moe: Oh, it is...it is.  Just uh, uh, pull them stools up to the
         pool table.
  Kid 2: Daddy, this place smells like tinkle.
Hibbert: Mm hmm.  I think we'll just go to the Texas Cheesecake
         Depository.
-- Where you'll be served by a guy called Lee, "Bart Sells His Soul"

  Moe: Oh, everybody is going to family restaurants these days, tsk.
       Seems nobody wants to hang out in a dank pit no more.
 Carl: You ain't thinking of getting rid of the dank, are you, Moe?
  Moe: Ehh, maybe I am.
 Carl: Oh, but Moe: the dank.  The dank!
  Moe: [dreamy] Yeah, family restaurants.  That's where the big bucks
       are.  [rubs grime off the mirror] I could turn this joint into a
       place where you wouldn't be ashamed to bring your family, huh?
Homer: I'm not ashamed.  [puts Maggie on the bar]
        [she sucks on a drink umbrella]
  Moe: Hey, put a coaster under that.
-- The genesis of an idea, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart gets ready to play a prank on Lisa.  He opens a packet of those
% little rubber/foam dinosaurs that you spray with water to make them
% expand, puts one in the middle of the driveway, and hops around the
% side of the house where the hose is.

Bart: Oh, Lisa!  There's a little present for you lying in the driveway!
Lisa: [running out] Oh, really?
       [Bart imagines spraying the dinosaur with the hose]
       [it grows to an immense size and starts chewing on Lisa]
Lisa: Waah!  No!  It's dripping funny-smelling water all over me.
       [Bart laughs evilly]
       [he sprays the dinosaur, which expands a little and goes down the
      sewer grating]
-- Fantasy vs. reality, "Bart Sells His Soul"

Bart: [sighs] I wasted five bucks on these.
Lisa: Where'd you get five bucks?  I want five bucks.
Bart: Aw, I sold my soul to Milhouse?
Lisa: [incredulous] What?  How could you _do_ that?  Your soul is the
      most valuable part of you.
Bart: You believe in that junk?
Lisa: Well, whether or not the soul is physically real, Bart, it's the
      symbol of everything fine inside us.
Bart: [tsking sadly] Poor, gullible Lisa.  I'll keep my crappy sponges,
      thanks.
Lisa: Bart, your soul is the only part of you that lasts forever.  For
      five dollars, Milhouse could own you for a zillion years!
Bart: Well, if you think he got such a good deal, I'll sell you my
      conscience for $4.50.
       [Lisa starts to walk off]
      I'll throw in my sense of decency too.  It's a Bart sales event!
      Everything about me must go!
-- Great selection and rock-bottom prices, but where is the soul?, "Bart
    Sells His Soul"

% Bart walks up to his room.  SLH and Snowball II lie on his bed.

Bart: Hey, boy.  How are you doing?
       [SLH growls at him]
      Man, what's gotten into you?
       [Snowball II hisses and meows at him]
      Jeez, you're pretty uppity for someone who eats bugs all day.
       [the cat coughs up a bug]
-- The first signs of soullessness, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart goes off to the Kwik-E-Mart.

          [Bart runs into the Kwik-E-Mart door]
    Bart: [face scrunched against the glass] Stupid automatic door!
           [Rod and Todd walk up; the door opens]
Together: Thank you, door!
           [Bart runs in behind them]
           [Jimbo blows on the ice cream glass and writes "BITE ME"]
   Dolph: Hah!  Some ice cream guy's going to see that, and it'll blow
          his mind.
    Bart: Let me try.
           [breathes on the glass, but no condensation forms]
   Jimbo: Way to breathe, no-breath.
           [Bart runs into the Kwik-E-Mart door on the way out]
    Bart: This is getting weird.
     Apu: [into microphone] Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex.
          Sanjay to the entrance with the Windex.
-- Cleanup in aisle four, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Moe reads "Your Gimmicky Restaurant" by Bennigan and Fuddrucker for
% some new ideas.  The whole bar is covered in sheets, including Barney.

   Moe: So, come on: I need a name that says friendly, all-American
        cooking.
 Homer: How about, "Chairman Moe's Magic Wok"?
Barney: I like it!
   Moe: Mmm, nah.  I want something that says people can have a nice
        relaxing time.
 Homer: [pounds fist] I got it!  "Madman Moe's Pressure Cooker"!
Barney: I like it!
   Moe: Hey!  How about, "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag"?
Barney: I hate it.
         [outside, a truck horn honks]
   Moe: Oh, boy!  The deep fryer's here.  Heh heh, I got it used from
        the navy.  You can flash-fry a buffalo in forty seconds.
 Homer: Forty seconds?  But I want it now!
-- Brainstorming, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart and Lisa watch Itchy and Scratchy in "Skinless in Seattle."  An
% amorous Scratchy heads to the Space Needle on the advice of his love
% with a bouquet of flowers.  He arrives at its base, stands on a large
% red X, and emotes love.  Little hearts fly up in the air and burst
% near Itchy, who stands atop the tower.  Choosing to ignore a sign that
% cautions about throwing pennies from the tower, he removes a penny
% from his penny loafer and tosses it over the edge.  It starts moving
% so fast that Abe's hair flies back.  It melts a hole right next to
% Scratchy.
%
% Undaunted, Itchy runs over to a souvenir stand and grabs all the
% miniature Space Needles and drops them point first over the edge.
% They land in a heart shape around Scratchy, who emotes some more love.
% Fuming, Itchy saws the whole top half of the Space Needle off.  Its
% shadow looms large above Scratchy, who looks up just as the point
% skewers him in the eye.  He runs around screaming, emoting love, with
% the whole upper half of the space tower suspended above him.
%
% Lisa laughs, but Bart sits there silently.

 Bart: I know that's funny, but I'm just not laughing.  [taps head]
 Lisa: Hmm.  Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul."
 Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
 Lisa: I think we should do a test.
        [puts Bart's skateboard in the middle of the hall]
Homer: [walking along singing] Oh, doo doo doo.  Oh, I'm just walk --
       aah!
        [slips on the skateboard, gets stuck between the stair railing
       supports]
       D'oh!  Ow!  Ow.  [flounders]
 Lisa: [chuckling] Well?
 Bart: [worried] Nope.  I don't feel a thing!
 Lisa: That's creepy, Bart.  I think you really _did_ lose your soul.
Homer: [to SLH] Good boy.
        [he bites Homer's butt]
       Ow!  Ow!  Who's doing that?
 Lisa: Hmm?
 Bart: Nothing...
Homer: Help me -- ow!  Why isn't anybody -- ow!
-- The day the music died, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% [End of Act One.  Time: 8:48]
%
% Bart heads over to Milhouse's place and rings the doorbell.

    Bart: Hi, is Milhouse home?
 Mrs. VH: He's playing in the dirt with his army men -- oh, and a white
          piece of paper, I believe.
           [Bart gasps, runs to the back of the house]
Milhouse: Cover me, Sarge!  I'm going after Bart's soul!
           [makes machine gun noises]
           [in an accent] If the Ayatollah can't have it, no one can.
           [drives a tank over the piece of paper]
    Bart: [stammers] Uh, you know, Milhouse --
Milhouse: [smug] Yeees?
    Bart: Bet you're getting tired of that soul, huh?
Milhouse: Nooo.
    Bart: Suppose someone wanted to...buy it from you.
Milhouse: Oh.  You want to buy it back, Bart?  Sure, no problem.
          [merciless] Fifty bucks.
    Bart: What?!
Milhouse: Who's stupid now, huh?  [laughs maniacally]
-- Takes one to know one?, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Homer watches a commercial on TV which features ragtime music and Moe
% watching a happy family eating a meal.

      Moe: If you like good food, good fun, and a whole lot of...crazy
           crap on the walls, then come on down to Uncle Moe's Family
           Feedbag.
Announcer: At Moe's, we serve good old-fashioned home cooking deep fried
           to perfection.
            [Moe submerges a whole tray covered with food, utensils,
           etc., in the deep fryer]
            [he takes the fried tray to a couple, who break off pieces
           and give him the thumbs-up]
      Moe: Now that's Moe like it!  So bring the whole family.  Mom,
           Dad, kids -- er, no old people.  They're not covered by our
           insurance.
           It's fun!  And remember our guarantee: if I'm not smiling
           when your check comes, your meal's on me.{  Uncle Moe's!}
           {[smiles right into the camera]}
  Singers: {Come to Uncle Moe's for family fun,
           it's good, good, good, good, good good-good!}
    Homer: Mmm.  Sounds good.
-- Moe gets into shameless promotions, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Marge gives Bart a hug as she tucks him in.

Marge: Hmm.  Bart, what's wrong?  There's something a little off about
       your hug.
 Bart: Mom, I need to tell you something.  I kind of --
Marge: [interrupts] Let me guess.  A mother can always tell.
        [hugs him a bit]
       Hmm.  It's not fear of nuclear war.
        [hugs him more]
       It's not swim-test anxiety.  It almost feels like you're missing
       something...something important.
 Bart: [eager] Like I don't have a soul?
Marge: [chuckles] Aw, honey, you're not a monster.
-- If only she knew, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart falls asleep and begins dreaming.  In his dream, he walks alone a
% long a path.  All around him, kids are accompanied by translucent blue
% versions of themselves.  Richard's soul and the girl with green
% glasses' soul push their real bodies on swings.  "My soul's my best
% friend," says one child.  "My soul's like a toy that never breaks,"
% says another.  Lewis and his soul, and another girl and her soul, ride
% tandem bikes.  Jimbo rides his soul's shoulders into Dolph on _his_
% soul's shoulders, laughing and cajoling.  Sherri and Terri's souls
% turn a skipping rope as the quartet chant, "Bart sold his soul, and
% that's just swell/Now he's going straight to/Hello operator, give me
% number nine..." Ralph seesaws with his soul.  Nelson walks up and
% asks, "No soul, huh?  Don't worry, I'm still behind you."  He pushes
% Bart, who trips backward over Nelson's soul squatting on all fours
% behind him.  The two point and laugh, "Ha ha!"
%
% Martin, in a sailor suit, runs hand-in-hand with his soul down to the
% edge of a lake where some rowboats are parked.  "Ahoy there, friends!
% Everybody find a first mate," he calls.  His soul claps gleefully.
% "Oh!  I choose Martin."  Everyone and their souls grab an oar in a
% boat and row off toward a glowing green castle on an island.  Bart
% jumps in and starts rowing a bit by himself, only to watch unhappily
% as his soul and Milhouse's soul ferrying Milhouse off to the island.
% Bart, meanwhile, can only go in circles.  "Wait!  Wait for me," he
% calls to no avail.  Sherri and her soul (and Terri and her soul) row
% by chanting, "Bart, it's time to end this dream/And don't forget the
% standard scream."  He doesn't.
%
% Homer takes his family off to Moe's new restaurant.

Marge: [looking at the walls] An alligator with sunglasses?  Hah!  Now
       I've seen everything.
  Moe: Hiya, folks.  Welcome to Uncle Moe's.  [to the kids] Aw, look at
       the cute little minors.
Homer: Wow, that's Moe -- the guy from the ad!
  Moe: Right this way, Homer.
Homer: [gasps] He knows my name!
Marge: Street signs?  Indoors?  Ha ha, whatever!
-- Striking originality, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Flanders and his family are seated elsewhere.

   Ned: Rod, you order anything you want for your big ten-oh.
   Rod: Million dollar birthday fries!
Waiter: [gleeful] Uh oh!
         [a flashing light and siren go off]
 Maude: [reading] "Moe gets so excited when you order his million dollar
        birthday fries, he just has to celebrate.
         [Moe jumps out with sparklers and fries on his head in a
        basket]
   Moe: Here you go!  Here I am!
        Uncle Moe -- thank you, ma'am!
        This'll be a treat:
        Uncle Moe!  Here I am, while you eat!
         [leans down; Rod tries a couple of fries]
   Moe: Please take the fries off my head, kid.  The basket is extremely
        hot.
-- The agony of hot cooking oil, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Moe personally waits on Homer's table.

 Lisa: How are the southwestern pizza fingers?
  Moe: They're, um...[reads] "awesomely outrageous".
Marge: Oh, these look good: guilt-free steakfish filets.
  Moe: Nah, nah, let me level with you, Marge: that's just our name for
       bottom-feeding suction eel.  You don't want that.
Marge: Oh...
  Moe: Why don't you try...Moe's hobo chicken chili.  I start with the
       best part -- the neck -- and then I add secret hobo spices.
Marge: Ooh.  Tres bien.
  Moe: Yeah.
        [Ralph squirts Moe with a squirt gun and laughs]
       Hey, what the hell are you doing, you little freak?
        [Ralph starts bawling]
  Moe: [apologetic] Ooh, sorry, kid, sorry.  I'm not used to the
       laughter of children.  It cuts through me like a dentist drill.
       But no, no, that was funny, that was funny taking away my dignity
       like that, ha ha ha.
-- Moe, always appreciative of a good joke, "Bart Sells His Soul"

         Lisa: I would like to say grace.  Ahem.
               Lord, have mercy on my soul...and Mom's soul...and Dad's
               soul...and Maggie's soul...and let every _soul_ in
               Christendom --
                [Bart throws a fry at Lisa]
        Marge: Bart!
         Bart: I can't _take_ this any more.  I want my soul, and I want
               it now!  [runs out]
        Homer: Bart, you didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe balls!
Homer's brain: Silence, you fool.  It can be ours!
        Homer: [eating] Run, boy!  Run!  Run for your life, boy!
-- Truly, an evil scheme, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% [End of Act Two.  Time: 14:06]
%
% Bart pounds his fist on Milhouse's door.

 Bart: Milhouse...Milhouse!  You win.  I want this nightmare to end!
        [a space-suited figure answers the door]
Robot: Leave this place.  You are in great danger.
 Bart: [fearful] Where's Milhouse?
Robot: The one you call Milhouse is gone.
        [takes helmet off]
  Man: He went to his grandma's place while we're spraying for potato
       bugs.
        [camera pulls back to show house covered by a tent]
 Bart: Oh.  When Milhouse left, did you notice if he was carrying a
       piece of paper?
  Man: Oh, yeah.  You don't forget a thing like that.
-- An eye for detail, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% At Moe's, the million-dollar birthday fries siren goes off again.  Moe
% sighs heavily, uses the Lord's name in vain, and goes into his spiel.

     Moe: [sighs] Here you go!  Here I am!
          Uncle Moe -- thank you, ma'am!
          This'll be a treat:
          Uncle Moe!  Here I am, while you eat!
  Sherri: Yay!  Now do it for Terri.
     Moe: What, it's your birthday too?
Together: We're twins.
     Moe: [sighs] Here you go, here I am.  Eat your fries, eat them.
           [puts them on the table and leaves]
     Kid: Here's you.  [gives Moe a drawing] [PH]
     Moe: [looking at it] Aw, jeez.  And you got the stink lines, and
          everything.
           [gives Snake his bill]
   Snake: Ho, dude: you did _not_ smile.  We eat for free.  Come on,
          Shoshanna, let's roll.
     Moe: But I sang you the potato stuffings.  Come on!  I sang you the
          potato stuffings.
  Krusty: Look at the vein on that guy's forehead.  He's gonna blow!
-- Just like Krakatoa, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Moe's left eyelid flickers involuntarily, dangerously.

Child: Unky Moe?
  Moe: [trying hard for control] Whaaat...is it, sweetheart?
Child: My sodie is too cold.  My teef hurt!
  Moe: [mock sympathy] Oh, your "teef" hurt, huh?  Your "teef" hurt?
       Well that's too freaking bad!  You hear me?  I'll tell you where
       you can put your freaking sodie too!
        [everyone gasps]
        [Maude covers Todd's ears]
 Todd: Ow, my freaking ears!
Maude: [gasps] Oh, let's go, dear.
  Ned: Well, I expect that type of language at Denny's, but not here!
        [everyone leaves en masse]
  Moe: Aw, come on, folks.  Wait, please come back!  Please, I got a new
       offer: whenever Uncle Moe threatens you, you get a free steak...
       fish.
-- No one takes the, er, bait, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Moe sighs heavily as his last customer walks out the door and slams
% it.
%
% Bart stops on his bike to look at a map.  "OK, OK.  Milhouse's
% grandmother lives on 257th St., and I'm on 3rd."  He jumps out the way
% just in time as a large street cleaner rolls over his bike.
% Miraculously, the bike gets spit out shining like new.  "Well,
% finally!  A little luck," grins Bart, hopping on and starting to
% pedal.  Two strokes later, the thing collapses around him.  The street
% cleaner driver laughs at Bart, all the way down the stairs of the 3rd
% St. subway station, right to the crash at the bottom.  Bart starts the
% long jog.
%
% At 181st and King, a derelict wanders around talking incomprehensibly
% fast.  Chief Wiggum pulls up in a squad car with Ralph riding shotgun.

Wiggum: Son, you wait here while Daddy tries to talk some sense into
        this raving derelict.
         [the man raves as Wiggum walks up]
Wiggum: [motioning] Slow down, slow down.
         [the man raves some more, something about "Albert Hitchcock
        stole every idea I ever had"]
        {_Who's_ been stealing your thoughts?}
        {[the man raves some more, something about "The Olde Curiosity
        Shoppe" and "John Gielgud"]}
         [Bart opens the squad car door]
  Bart: Hello, Ralph.
 Ralph: Aah!  Um, hi, Bart.  I know you from school.
  Bart: Yes.  A simple proposition, Ralph: how would you like to make a
        dollar?
 Ralph: Uh...I don't know.
  Bart: All you have to do is sign a paper that says I can have your
        soul.  [desperate] I need a soul, Ralph -- any soul.  Yours!
         [Ralph starts bawling]
Wiggum: [shining a flashlight] Hey, what's going on over there?
         [Bart hisses; he runs off into the mist and vanishes]
-- A vampire in Springfield, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% The regular crowd sits in Moe's once again.  The restaurant is in the
% final stages of being taken apart by some other guys.

   Moe: Go on, take it all.  Get it all out of here.
Barney: You know, Moe, you might want to keep the fire extinguishers.
   Moe: Nah.  Too many bad memories.
Barney: {Well, look at the bright side, Moe: you still got us.}
   Moe: {Yeah.  Yeah, you know, that -- that actually makes me feel a
        little better.}
 Homer: {Why?  That was the problem in the first place: you were going
        broke because we were your only customers.  Wasn't that the
        problem in the first place?  That you were going broke?  Moe?
        Moe?  Hey, Moe.  Oh!  You're thinking about all the money you
        blew, aren't you.  [Moe nods] What was it?  Fifty, sixty
        thousand dollars?
        Moe, look: maybe it would help if you went over all the mistakes
        you made from the beginning.  Moe?}
   Moe: {[exasperated] What?!}
 Homer: {Let me get a pen.}
-- Kwyjibo brain slowness alert, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% At Milhouse's grandmother's place, the parents sleep on a double sofa
% bed and Milhouse on a fold-out cot.  Bart knocks on the door.

 Grandma: A caller at this hour?  [to Mr. VH] You dial 9-1, then when I
          say so, dial 1 again.  [opens the door] [TM]
    Bart: [sees Milhouse, sighs with relief] Milhouse, please.
Milhouse: Bart, I can't play now.  It's 2:00 a.m.
    Bart: Milhouse, I've _got_ to have my soul back.  I'll do anything
          you want.
Milhouse: Uh...well...
  Mr. VH: Uh, Milhouse, give him back his soul!  I've got work tomorrow.
Milhouse: I'm really sorry...I kind of traded your soul to the guy at
          the comic book store.  But look!  I got some cool pogs: [shows
          them] Alf pogs!  Remember Alf?  He's back...in pog form.
    Bart: [incredulous] You traded my soul for pogs?!
           [runs out screaming]
 Grandma: Close that door!  You're letting the heat out.
  Mr. VH: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
-- "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart decides to sleep in from of the comic book guy's store that
% night.  In the morning, the owner arrives.

Owner: If you are waiting for the Hi & Lois signing, it has been moved
       to the Springfield Coliseum.
 Bart: Please, you have something of mine on a little piece of paper.
Owner: Oh, so you're Bart Simpson, eh?  Well, since my breakfast burrito
       is congealing rapidly, I will be blunt: you're too late.  I sold
       your soul last night.
        [Bart looks worried]
       Yes, yes: I found a buyer right away for _that_ item.
 Bart: Who?
Owner: I am not at liberty to divulge the party, but they were most
       interested in having possession of Little Boy's soul.
        [Bart bangs his head]
       Um, excuse me: no banging your head on the display case, please.
       It contains a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a
       friend to commit suicide.  Thank you.  [eats burrito]
-- Too bad that friend wasn't Rex Morgan M.D., "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart walks home in the rain, dejected.  He enters his room and gets on
% his knees.

Bart: [plaintive] Are you there, God?  It's me, Bart Simpson.  I know I
      never paid too much attention in church, but I could really use
      some of that good stuff now.  I'm...afraid.  I'm afraid some
      weirdo's got my soul and I don't know what they're doing to it!  I
      just want it back.  Please?  [starts to cry] I hope you can hear
      this.
       [his soul floats down from above]
       [he grabs it and hugs it, and sees Lisa standing there]
      Lisa?  _You_ bought this?
Lisa: With the change in my piggy bank.
Bart: There's no change in your piggy bank.
Lisa: Not in any of the ones _you_ know about.
Bart: Oh, Lis, thank you.  [kisses her]
Lisa: Happy to do it.  But you know, Bart, some philosophers believe
      that nobody is born with a soul -- that you have to earn one [Bart
      eats the piece of paper] through suffering and thought and prayer,
      like you did last night.
Bart: Uh huh.  [swallows]
-- Word to the wise, "Bart Sells His Soul"

% Bart sleeps with a little smile on his face that night, the family
% pets curled up on his bed with him.  In his dream, he and his soul row
% toward the green castle on the island.  He hears Martin nearby, "Hah!
% It's like punting on the Thames.  Stroke!  Stroke!"  He and his soul
% glance slyly at one another, then steer their boat into Martin's.
% Martin's soul gets knocked over the side.  Bart and his soul laugh and
% continue on their way, chuckling.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 21:14]
===============================================================================
> Contributors
===============================================================================
   {jgb} Jim Bennie
   {ddg} Don Del Grande
   {rd}  Rick Diamant
   {dh2} Dominik Halas
   {dh}  Dave Hall
   {th}  Tony Hill
   {rl}  Ricardo Lafaurie
   {hl}  Haynes Lee
   {pl}  Pete Leftwich
   {jp}  Jussi Pakkanen
   {np}  Nate Patrin
   {br}  Bob Roberds
   {av}  Aaron Varhola
   {bw}  Bill Walko
   {jcw} John C. Winn
   {by}  Bob Yantosca
   {dy}  Doug Yovanovich
===============================================================================
This episode summary is Copyright 1997 by James A. Cherry.  Not to be
redistributed in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes
themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the
reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors.  I'm
just taking credit for the compilation.)