Marge on the Lam Written by Bill Canterbury Directed by Mark Kirkland =============================================================================== Production code: 1F03 Original airdate in N.A.: 5-Nov-93 Capsule revision J, 21-Jul-96 =============================================================================== > Title sequence =============================================================================== Blackboard :- None due to shortened intro. Lisa's Solo:- None due to shortened intro. Couch :- The family run towards the couch and crash through the backdrop which is painted to look like the living room. Their outlines are left in the backdrop. =============================================================================== > Did you notice... =============================================================================== ... the pledges received total $0,000,023.58? ... Homer sports a "No Fat Chicks" T-shirt? ... Otto wears his walkman inside the dance club? ... Brockman incorrectly calls the last book of the bible "Revelations" instead of "Revelation"? Tony Hill: ... Homer calls Marge "Marjorie"? ... there are Military Police present when Homer is getting injected? Ricardo Lafaurie: ... when everyone run through the wall in the couch, everyone's hair made holes too (even Homer's)? ... Homer doesn't ask Lenny or Carl for change? ... Burns has a heart-shaped carpet and was playing girlie music? ... the animation when Bart says "We don't need a babysitter" was obviously recycled from an earlier season? ... Otto recognizes Marge right off? ... Ruth keeps a _loaded_ gun on her person? ... Chief Wiggum drinks gas? (Assuming that's what moonshine is.) ... the freak Homer imagines has the pearls on its antennae and the hair as a beard? ... the hairs on Hutz's chest? ... everyone leaves Seething Sisters when the police siren was heard? ... Hutz carries a knife on him? ... Hutz passes himself off as a doctor? =============================================================================== > Voice credits =============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Barney, Willy, Quimby) - Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, woman at truck stop, Kearney) - Yeardly Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Edward, Pope, Carl, rescue worker, redneck, Moe, man with antique cans, Wiggum, cook, truck stop owner) - Harry Shearer (story reader at telethon, army doctor, Lenny, Burns, Smithers, rescue worker, Flanders, Otto, dispatcher, Kent Brockman) - Special Guest Voice - George Fenneman (Narrator) - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz) - Pamela Reed (Ruth, waitress at truck stop) - Also Starring - Pamela Hayden (punk woman, woman at truck stop) - Maggie Roswell (woman drinking coffee, woman getting legs shaved, woman at truck stop) - Russi Taylor (librarian, woman at truck stop) =============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references =============================================================================== + Garrison Keillor, "A Prairie Home Companion" - man reading at telethon + Edward the Confessor - "Edward the Penitent", the award-winning show + Crystal Pepsi - "Crystal Buzz Cola" "The Muppet Show" {ar} - Burns and Smithers in the opera box + "Thelma and Louise" - blue convertible - much of plot + Ted Kennedy/William Kennedy Smith - Quimby partying with his nephews + "Cheers" - Homer: "...you gotta go where everybody knows your name." + Hollywood - "SPRINGFIELD" letters on hill + "Dragnet" - sentences of characters read at end - music at beginning of credits - badge behind credits =============================================================================== > Previous episode references =============================================================================== - [7F06] Milhouse: "Let's get outta here!" (cf. Lenny in 1F03) {th} - [7F10] Marge's brain {rl} - [7F11], [8F16], [8F23] Unreturned Flanders stuff {rl} - [8F08], [9F19] The big "SPRINGFIELD" sign a la "HOLLYWOOD" appears {jt} - [8F11] "Stick it to the man!" {rl} - [9F04] Technical Difficulties, with same song {rl} - [9F06] Mrs. Ruth Powers is Laura's mother {rl} - [9F07] The whipping sound is made {rl} - [9F10] Homer: "Like a giant billboard that says 'No fat chicks'?" (cf. T-shirt in 1F03) {jt} - [9F20] "Bartina" (cf. "Homina" in 1F03) - [1F04] Space alien's strangled "Doh-ho-ho" sound (same as Edward the Penitent's) =============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun =============================================================================== - Sign outside gymnasium: Springfield High School Tonight: Professional Ballet Tomorrow: Closed to fix gas leak - Names of clubs, etc.: - Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop - Shot Kickers ("o" burned out) - The Hate Box - The Seething Sisters - Magazines at the Kwik-E-Mart: {rc} - "Modern Bride" - "Jet" with Bleeding Gums Murphy on the cover - Garrett Morris' birthday notice inside - Sign on highway: Entering Badlands High Speed Chases Use Diamond Lane - Lionel Hutz tossed into the fire: {ddg} - dollar bills - a pair of socks - a dress shirt - When Brockman goes off the air: {rc} - "Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By" - Brockman in straight jacket w/ cuckoo coming from forehead - Badge behind credits: {rc} - Badge number 318 - Logo is police HQ with flanking nuclear cooling towers =============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs =============================================================================== In Homer's vision of Maggie's wedding, how did Homer manage to get the coat of his suit on if he couldn't get his arms free to stick them in the sleeves? {ddg} "Are you holding onto the can?" doesn't explain why Homer was stuck in the candy machine, as he should have been able to just pull the candy out. {ddg} After Ruth and Marge shoot the cans, there are four cans seen in front of the fence; certainly the cans would have been knocked behind the fence when shot (and where's the fifth can?). {ddg} Marge's hair is shorter than usual in the "date behind the Springfield sign" scene; in "The Way We Was", when she put her hair up for the first time, it was pretty much as tall as it is "today". Each of the three handfulls of stuff Lionel Hutz tosses into the fire contain the same things. Where did Wiggum and Homer get the eggs? When Ruth and Marge are heading for the State Line, they head back in the direction from which they just came (otherwise, how did they pass Homer and Wiggum facing the opposite direction?); also, how did all of those police cars end up between Marge and the state line two miles away? (Of course, this assumes the sign "STATE LINE 2 MILES" refers to an actual state border and not just some place called "State Line" located in the middle of the state. Besides, I was told once that if the police are in pursuit, they can legally make an arrest anywhere in the country.) {ddg} The police car doesn't start falling until it is well over the chasm and has stopped forward motion. {ddg} The front door keeps changing places: {ag} - Ruth comes over to borrow the sander, and the front door has a window in it (with 2 bars), and the hinges are on the RIGHT side. - In the next appearance of the front door, there's no window, and the hinges are on the left side. - In the next appearance, there's no window, and the hinges are on the right side again. =============================================================================== > Reviews =============================================================================== Peter Stein: All in all, this ep. was OK. Not as good as "Rosebud," but tons better than "Homer Goes To College." Highlights IMHO were the SH T KICKERS bar, the truth behind Homer's hair loss (plus giddiness and loss of equilibrium!), Chief Wiggum losing Marge and Ruth in the Badlands, and the Seething Sisters Bar. Andrew Ross: I think I see the pattern emerging for this season. They take one major cultural reference each week and try to make an episode around it. So far, we've had the Beatles, Cape Fear, 70s college party movies, Citizen Kane, and now Thelma and Louise. Not that there's necessarily anything *wrong* with this, but anyone who hasn't seen a particular movie may end up scratching his [or her - ed] head throughout the episode. This one was neither magnificent nor bad, but just generically *good*. Ron Carter: I am probably one of the few people in the world that has not seen "Thelma and Louise" and I still liked this episode. Not all that many solid ref jokes, but still funny. The Homer not letting go of the pop can was a little too predictable, but loved the running "Sunshine, Lollipops..." gag. Some continuity loss makes it a B+. Joey Berner: A strange one! I liked it, there were some good gags (but nothing that really had me rolling) The first and second acts were a lot stronger than the third. They seemed to run out of steam, and said, "Hey, let's just mock the movie for the rest of this!" And if you didn't see the movie, how funny was this one to you? (I did see it) I guess my grade for this one would probably be a "B". Carl Frank: Never saw the movie (but knew the premise), and still thought that 1F03 was very good. Highlights were the Public TV/Garrison Keillor reference in the beginning -- which had me wondering why all TV was not this funny -- the Quimby/Ted Kennedy line; the "Sister's" bar (and the kid who spoiled it); and the very end -- "oh. . .this must have have been pizza." [...] Rating: B+/A-. Jeff Briskin: The writing was flat, the story uninspiring, the pacing glacial, the jokes stale. The whole thing seemed totally forced, predictable, "UnSimpsonesque." I never thought there could be such a thing as a worthless 'Simpsons' episode, but last night's, IMHO, was the first, and hopefully, the last. Tony Hill: This was a very funny episode, especially the Wiggum lines. The only problem seems to be that it's very fractured, lacking a strong subplot. Even though it's a Marge & Homer episode, Bart and Lisa each get in their share of funny lines. I give it a solid B. Yours truly: I liked it. A little contrived in parts: Lionel Hutz the babysitter, Homer meeting Wiggum near the sign. Loved Bart calling Homer "Homina" and Homer speaking in a falsetto afterwards. Fade to white when Wiggum drives over the cliff was great, too (straight from Thelma and Louise). I give the episode a B rating. =============================================================================== > Comments and other observations =============================================================================== >> The Garrison Keillor spoof Warren Anderson observes, "The caricature was done quite well, with a couple of exceptions. The most notable is that he does not read his monologues for his show (at least when I've seen him). He seems to make a point of doing them impromptu, although he obviously has them well thought-out in his head. In fact, his standard monologue position seems to be sitting on a stool, hunched over facing the ground, with his eyes tightly shut. The dress was exactly right--black pants, suspenders, bow tie. However, the few times I've seen him, he was wearing a red bow tie and red socks. I can't believe they missed this! The imitation of the delivery and voice were excellent. They even got his audible exhaling into the microphone!" >> The skeletal arm holding the Fresca can Tony Hill says that this was "one of OFF's few brand-name refs. Does this mean that Buzz Cola is a Coke product? [...] Fresca was discontinued about 15 years ago and has not yet been re-introduced nationally, providing corroboration for the plant workers' legend. (It was always a blue can in the old days too.) >> "I'm under the sun...now!" Charles Don Hall notes, "Wiggum did a very good job of pinpointing his position. Assume that he said "Now!" in the second that the sun passed overhead. Since the Earth's circumference is about 20,000 miles, and there are 80,000 seconds in a day, knowing the second allows the police dispatcher to calculate his latitude to within about 1/4 mile. The Sun's apparent north-south motion is even slower, so his longitude could be calculated to even greater precision." >> Music in this episode Some of the music in this episode included: - "Entry of the Gladiators" by Julus Fucik at the circus [so that's what it's called! Thanks, Isaac J. Prastein - ed] - "Waltz of the Flowers" as Homer looked at the ballet magazine - "Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet" at the ballet - Lesley Gore's "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows" - Guns and Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" - "Dragnet" theme at the end >> More gender-benders Andrew Ross notes of this episode, "Plenty of gender-benders for homersexuals: he thinks a makeover would be fun; wants to have his own girl's night out; he wants to hold Chief Wiggum (who wants to hold him back; is this going to be the next Burns/Smithers running gag?) And speaking of Wiggum, what do you suppose was his mishap with the nonfemale inflatable doll? Not to mention Smithers' desire for a little mincing at the ballet...aren't they kinda overdoing this gag?" Let us not forget Patty dismissing ballet as "girls' stuff." =============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary =============================================================================== % [Syndication cuts are marked in curly braces "{}" and are courtesy of % Ricardo Lafaurie and Frederic Briere.] % % The Simpsons watch a telethon. Man: [quietly] Well, sir, it has been an uneventful week in Badger Falls...where the women are robust, the men are pink-cheeked, and the children are pink-cheeked and robust. [Audience laughs loudly] Homer: What the hell's so funny? Man: At the Apple Biscuit cafe, where the smiles are free, don't you know, Sven Inqvist studied the menu, and finally he ordered the same thing he has every day. [Audience laughs and applauds] Bart: Maybe it's the TV. Homer: Stupid TV. [Hits it] Be more funny! -- TV: object of aggression, "Marge on the Lam" % The man reading the story passes control over to Troy McClure, % reasoning that he can't keep up his pace forever. Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such telethons as "Out With Gout '88" and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House." Folks, do you realize without your support, public television can't afford to bring you such award-winning shows as "Edward the Penitent"? [Cut to clip] Edward: [kissing the papal ring] I'm really, really, _really_ sorry -- Pope: I'm afraid "sorry" doesn't cut it with this pope! -- Eleven "Tony"-winning shows, "Marge on the Lam" % A phone on a table near Troy begins to ring. Troy: What the hell -- Oh! We got a call. Homer: Ha ha! Some idiot actually called in. Troy: Hello? What's your name? Marge: Marge Simpson. Homer: Aah! -- My wife's an idiot!, "Marge on the Lam" % Marge generously pledges thirty dollars, then thanks Troy before % hanging up. Marge, it's public TV! They never have anything good. Where are the Geraldos? Where are the Ewbankses-es? -- Homer objects to Marge pledging money, "Marge on the Lam" % But Marge stands by her decision. Marge: [of public TV] They need our support! Besides, they gave me two tickets to the ballet. Homer: [jubilant] Ballet? Woo-hoo! Marge: [incredulous] You like ballet? Homer: Marjorie, _please_. I enjoy _all_ the meats of our cultural stew. -- Particularly the snouts and entrails, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer imagines himself at the "ballet": he sits in the front row at % the circus watching a bear with a hat driving a cart around the ring % while Homer sings along with the calliope. He continues to sing while % Marge watches him with a worried look. % % Just then, the doorbell rings. Marge opens the door to discover Ruth % Powers, the next door neighbor. Ruth wants to borrow a power-sander, % but when Marge refers the question to Homer, he dismisses it: "Nope!" % Yet his feet are resting on one as it chews into the carpet. When % Marge points this out, Homer acquiesces, but warns, "Remember: it's % mine," even though it has a sign on it saying "Property of Ned % Flanders." % % In the kitchen, Marge shows Homer a magazine with pictures of ballet % dancers in it. Homer: _That's_ what ballet is? [whining] Oh -- Marge: You promised! You can't back out like when you volunteered for that Army experiment to avoid dinner at my sisters'. [Flashback] Doctor: Mr. Simpson, you _do_ realize this may result in hair loss, giddiness, and the loss of equilibrium? Homer: Yeah, yeah, just give me the serum. [Doctor injects him] [Back to the present] Homer: Heh heh, it was worth it. [Homer falls out of his chair] [giddily] Tee hee hee! Hee hee hee hee -- -- A tangled web, "Marge on the Lam" % At the Power Plant, Homer walks alongside Carl and Lenny. Carl: Hey Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home? Homer: [sneering] I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet. Lenny: Heh. You're gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh? -- People unclear on the concept, "Marge on the Lam" % They walk past a vending machine advertising Crystal Buzz Cola. % "Mmm," Homer says, "invisible cola." When he turns out his pockets, % he finds no change, so he decides it's time to stick it to the man. % As he reaches up the slot, Carl warns him that someone lost an arm % doing the same thing, but Homer passes it off as an old wives' tale. % Inside the machine, we see the skeletal remains of another arm with % the hand still clutching a Fresca can. [Homer reaches inside a pop machine, grunting] Homer: Just...a little more...argh...got it! [realizing] Aah! I'm stuck. Help me! Carl: He's done for! Lenny: Let's get out of here! [They run off screaming] Homer: [dragging the machine behind him] Must...get to ballet... promised...Marge! -- A man with a mission, "Marge on the Lam" % But Homer can only drag the machine so far. Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap! -- Homer with his arm stuck in a vending machine, "Marge on the Lam" % The plant is deserted, and Homer settles down, dejected. Fortunately, % he has chosen a spot next to a candy vending machine to rest. "Mmm, % candy..." % % Marge sits on the couch, dressed up, waiting for Homer to get home. % The phone rings, and when she answers it, Homer pleads, "Marge, this % may be hard to believe, but I'm trapped inside two vending % machines..." Marge doesn't believe it, and hangs up. She offers the % tickets to Patty and Selma, but the ballet is dismissed with a snort % as "girls' stuff". % % The doorbell rings, and it's Ruth again. She returns the sander. Thanks, Marge. When my husband left, he took all our power tools along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind. -- Ruth Powers on divorce, "Marge on the Lam" % Marge offers one of the tickets to Ruth, and she accepts. So the two % drive off to the gymnasium to watch the ballet. At center-court, a % man and a woman dance. Ruth: Vayachipa's loins ought to be outlawed. Marge: [snickers] Burns: Bah! Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing! Smithers: A little mincing would be nice... -- At the ballet, "Marge on the Lam" % The man throws the woman into the air, and the audience gasps. But % she catches onto the rim of the basket and shatters the backboard -- % all slowly and gracefully, of course. The buzzer sounds to end the % production, and the audience applauds politely. Marge: Well, thank you for a lovely time. Ruth: You're not going home already, are you? Marge: Well, it's almost 9:30. -- Lights out by 10:00, "Marge on the Lam" % {Meanwhile, Homer, still slumped between the vending machines, laments % his predicament. Rescue workers have tied the area off with yellow % "Police Line" tape. "I'm gonna have these things on my arms forever," % he moans, imagining himself at Maggie's wedding as the father of the % bride on stage, tossing free candy and sodas to everyone from the % vending machines still attached to his shoulders. "Mmm, convenient."} % % It's come down to brass tacks for the rescue workers. Man: Homer, this...this is never easy to say. I'm going to have to saw your arms off. [brandishes a buzzsaw] Homer: [plaintive] They'll grow back, right? Man: Oh, er, yeah. Homer: Whew! -- He failed anatomy, I guess, "Marge on the Lam" % Just as the man is about to being cutting, another man asks Homer if % he's just holding on to the can. "Your point being?" queries Homer. % In the next shot, he slinks away from the plant and the derisive % laughter of the rescue workers, his arms free at last. % % Ruth and Marge sit in the "Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop" sipping coffee. Ruth: [sighs] I envy you and Homer. Marge: Thank you. [realizing] Why? Ruth: If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep, and drink beer. Marge: Your point being? -- "Marge on the Lam" Ruth: [about her ex-husband] To top it off, he's been stiffing me on child support for the last four months. Marge: Hmm. Well, you _were_ unlucky. But there _are_ a lot of good men out there. Barney: Hey! [to waiter] Can I throw up in your bathroom? I'll buy somethin' -- -- "Marge on the Lam" % When Marge arrives home, Homer tries to explain what happened. Homer: Marge, I know you didn't believe me about the vending machines. That's why I had the firemen write me a note. Marge: [reads] "Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumberyard burned down." Homer: D'oh! [sadly] Lumber has a million uses. -- Even worse, "Marge on the Lam" Marge: I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night. Homer: Marge, that's twice. I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman. Marge: Homer, please. You know it's hard for me to make friends. {[Flashback to Marge and three women drinking coffee in the living room]} Woman: {Heh heh. Oh, Marge, we should do this every Thursday. [Homer walks in wearing a "No Fat Chicks" T-shirt and Hawaiian shorts]} Homer: {Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk. Oh, look! It's doing it again.} -- Respect thy wife, "Marge on the Lam" Homer: Marge, you can't go out on Saturday! That's our special night. Marge: What's so special about it? Homer: What's so -- [sarcastic] Oh, I don't know. A little show called "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman"? -- Starring Vanna White, "Marge on the Lam" % When Saturday night arrives, Homer watches Marge putting on lipstick. Homer: Where are you going? Marge: I don't know. Homer: When will you be home? Marge: I'm not sure. Homer: Where are you going? Marge: You already asked me that. -- The long-term effects of TV-watching, "Marge on the Lam" % A horn honks outside the house, and Marge kisses Homer goodbye % instructing him not to wait up. Homer walks to the front door and % brings the kids with him. Homer: How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children? Lisa: Have a blast, Mom. Bart: Rock the Casbah! Homer: [sneering at Bart] "Man's best friend," indeed. -- "Marge on the Lam" % Marge is surprised to see Ruth sitting in a blue convertible. She % gets in. Marge: You look...nice. Ruth: Tonight has nothing to do with "nice". Tonight's all about -- [She puts in a tape: "Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows" --] Oh, sorry Marge. Wrong tape. ["Welcome to the jungle! We got fun and games..."] -- The jungle that is...Springfield, "Marge on the Lam" % She slams the gas pedal down, and Marge's frightened scream trails off % into the night just ahead of a cloud of dust. % % [End of Act One. Time: 8:12] % % Homer still can't get over Marge's leaving. Homer: I can't believe your mother went out to have fun without me. Bart: Don't worry. You'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, [slyly] Homina. Homer: [falsetto] Oh, that would be delightful -- [realizing] Quiet, boy! -- "Marge on the Lam" Homer: There's nothing to feel ashamed of here. Women have a right to a night out, right, Lisa? Lisa: Sure, dad. [makes a whipping sound] -- Ball and chain, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer decides to forget the whole thing. Homer: That's it! I'm calling my buddies. Marge is not the only one who can have a girls' night out. [dials the phone] Lenny: Oh, no can do, Homer. I'm watching the game. [Shaves a woman's legs] Woman: Shave up, not down, you idiot! Burns: Ooh, sounds delish! Let me just toss some jeans on and -- wait a minute! Who is this? Flanders: Howdily-doodily-do! [Homer hangs up] Hello? Y'ello! Hellodily-odily! -- Maybe some other night, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer hasn't given up yet. Homer: Fine. I can have a great time all by myself. Lisa: Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter. Homer: Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation. Bart: You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter! Homer: [suspicious] Wait a second... [Pulls a paper from his pocket: "Always do the opposite of what Bart says"] Hmm...you kids _do_ need a babysitter! Bart: Blast that infernal card! [to Homer] _Don't_ give that card to me. Homer: Here you g -- [pulls back] No! -- Just before Homer leaves, "Marge on the Lam" % The doorbell rings, and Homer answers it. Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour. Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. Hutz: Three. Homer: Two. Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. Homer: Done! Hutz: [proudly] Still got it. -- "Marge on the Lam" % Marge and Ruth head off to a bar called "Shot Kickers", where, % predictably, the "o" is burned out. Inside, Marge joins in a country % line dance. {The first shot inside the bar is shortened by a second % in syndication.} Willy rides the mechanical bull. After the dance, % Marge is approached by a largish man. Cowboy: Hey, baby! Feel like gettin' lucky? Marge: I _am_ lucky. I have a husband and three wonderful children. Thank you very much. Cowboy: {[threatening] Listen, baby, I _always_ get what I want.} Marge: {[indignant] I said no!} Cowboy: {Oh, did you? Oh, I completely misunderstood. Please accept our apologies.} -- A true redneck gentleman, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer has decided to head to Moe's. Homer: Sometimes, you gotta go where everybody knows your name. [walks into Moe's] Hey guys! [No one answers; the fan squeaks] Moe, get the darts. I want to play. Moe: No. We're phasing out the games; people drink less when they're having fun. -- Cause and effect, "Marge on the Lam" % {At the Simpson house, Bart and Lisa watch "LA Law" with Lionel Hutz.} {Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a belt. [wistfully] That's Hollywood for ya.} -- Lionel Hutz on "LA Law", "Marge on the Lam" % {The next stop for the ladies is an underground club, "The Hate Box". % The clientele seems to be mostly punk rockers and weirdos. Inside, a % punk woman with a purple mohawk asks Marge, "Don't you think your % hair's a bit much?" Otto greets Marge as well.} Otto: {Hey, Mrs. Simpson! You should try one of these "Smart Drinks." [laughs and drinks it] Ooh, wow...I've wasted my life!} -- Otto, realization dawning, "Marge on the Lam" % {Diamond Joe Quimby is also at the club -- with no shirt on, and paint % blotches on his body.} Quimby: {Would you, er, like to dance?} Marge: {Mayor Quimby! What are you doing here!} Quimby: {I'm, er, here with my nephews.} -- Remind you of anyone?, "Marge on the Lam" % {Homer is in the Kwik-E-Mart, and he notices a "Jet" magazine. He's % delighted to discover it's Garrett Morris' birthday, but Apu kicks him % out, curtly informing him, "This is not a library." At the library, % the librarian does the same thing, informing him, "This is not a Kwik- % E-Mart".} % % Meanwhile, the two women have stopped the car in a field. Marge: What was it you wanted to show me? Ruth: This. [pulls a gun] Marge: [gasps] You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you? -- No, for meat, "Marge on the Lam" % Ruth tells her to relax. "I'd never turn a gun on a human being. My % husband, on the other hand --" She pulls the trigger a few times, % aiming for (and hitting) a set of old cans perched on a fence. She % offers the gun to Marge, who refuses at first, but then takes it and % fires it, hitting one of the remaining cans. "I hit it! I hit i!" % she exclaims, but a man appears, mourning, "My cans! My precious % antique cans!" % % Ruth suggests they turn in, but Marge insists, "It's only midnight. % Come on! I know a place." They go to a hill where the word % "SPRINGFIELD" is spelled in giant letters. They gaze down at the % lights of the city below. Marge: Beautiful, huh? Homer and I used to come up here on dates. [Flashback to said date, where Homer brandishes a thick stick] Homer, stop that! It's just a weather station. Homer: Come on, Marge! It's fun to smash things. [hits it] Heh heh, I smashed it good! [laughs some more] [to Marge] You got real purty hair... -- A hopeless romantic, "Marge on the Lam" % Ruth confesses, "Of all the places we've been tonight, I think I like % this one the best," and Marge concurs. Ruth: [pointing] Look, you can see our houses. Marge: Hmm. There's an awful lot of black smoke coming from my chimney. Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers? Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez! -- Lawyers can change legal names easily, "Marge on the Lam" Marge: Maybe we should call it a night. Ruth: OK. I _should_ get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on. -- The one with bacon on the beach?, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer happens by as the two drive off, and he sighs, "Ah: young love." Homer: The old make-out place. Hey, a new weather station! I'll bash it good! [sighs] Oh, it's just no fun without Marge. Wiggum: Ah, there's nothing like moonshine from your own still. [notices Homer] Oh, Simpson! [tosses the moonshine] What are you doing here? Homer: [bitter] My wife is having a girls' night out. Wiggum: Aw, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman, though, because one time I...heh. -- Another story not suitable for children, "Marge on the Lam" % Wiggum offers Homer a ride home. On the road, Wiggum pulls slowly up % behind a blue convertible. "Hmph. Their left taillight's a little % smaller than their right one. I better pull 'em over," he says, % turning on the siren and the flashing lights. % % In the blue convertible, Marge sees the police car and says, "I think % they want us to stop." But Ruth is unwilling because the convertible % is stolen. So she guns it, speeding ahead of the pursuing cop. % "Looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned car chase," grins % Wiggum, putting in a tape and singing along. "Sunshine, lollipops and % rainbows: everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're % together. Brighter than a lucky penny; when you're near the % rainclouds disappear and I feel fine..." Homer joins in the singing. % % [End of Act Two. Time: 14:25] % % Wiggum is still in hot pursuit. Marge: Ruth, is there something you want to tell me? Ruth: Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support? Marge: Uh huh. Ruth: Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car. Marge: Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the police? Ruth: Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had. -- Small consolation, "Marge on the Lam" Wiggum: We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair. Homer: A lot of blue hair? Hee hee -- what a freak! -- A freak that _you_ found her, "Marge on the Lam" % But Homer figures it out... Homer: ...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet. Wiggum: That's _exactly_ how Dillinger got started. Homer: [interested] Really? -- You learn something new every day, "Marge on the Lam" % Marge tries to make Ruth see reason. Marge: I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give yourself up. Ruth: Marge, it's a matter of principle. I just can't let that deadbeat win again. You're with me, aren'tcha? Marge: [thinking] I should say something reassuring and noncommittal. [spoken] Hmm. -- Reassuring..._and_ noncommittal, "Marge on the Lam" % Ruth wants to be reasonable. Ruth: Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this. Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out. Marge: Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose. These are professional lawmen, and -- [Ruth turns the car's lights off] Wiggum: Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car! [slams on the brakes] There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know. Homer: [timid] Hold me. Wiggum: [conciliatory] Only if you hold me. -- You first, "Marge on the Lam" % A coyote howls, and the two men hold one another, quivering. % % Ruth lets Marge off at a truck stop, "The Seething Sisters". Marge: [uncertain] Well, goodbye. Ruth: I'm...sorry about all this. But you gotta admit, we _did_ have some fun. Marge: Yeah...everything before the high-speed chase was just lovely. -- "Marge on the Lam" % Ruth assures her, "You're a good friend, Marge," as Marge enters the % building. Once inside, Marge is about to dial a cab, but she % overhears some women talking. Woman 1: [to Woman 2] This cross-country flight from the law would be hell if we didn't stick together. Woman 2: Hey: friends _stick_ together. Woman 3: [to Woman 4] It's amazing how through all this adversity, we managed to stick together. Woman 4: If there's _one thing_ decent folk do, it's stick together. Waitress: I hate it when the waffles stick together. Cook: Stickin' together is what good waffles do. -- Philsophy in a truck stop, "Marge on the Lam" % Ruth is getting the car gassed up, but before she can leave, Marge % rejoins her. "Marge! What are you doing?" Marge begins to explain % how she considers Ruth a friend, "and an important part of friendship % is --" But before she can say "sticking together", Ruth speeds away % with her as the sirens grow louder. % % (The siren is actually Kearney on a bicycle with a siren strapped to % his head. The owner reprimands him for driving away all the business, % but Kearney is unmindful: "See you tomorrow, loser.") % % Homer and Wiggum are making breakfast on the cop car's engine. Wiggum: Mmm, engine-block eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty. [Marge and Ruth whiz by] Homer: That's them! Wiggum: Quiet! I can't hear the eggs. -- Wiggum the epicure, "Marge on the Lam" % Back at home, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are asleep. Bart is the first to % awaken. Bart: Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet. Lisa: Don't worry, Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us. [taps him] Hutz: [wakes up, clears his throat] Don't touch my stuff! [holds a knife] Hey, this isn't the YMCA... -- Survival of the fittest, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer and Wiggum have finished breakfast and are back on the road. Wiggum: Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women. Dispatch: All right, your current location? Wiggum: Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt...oh, geez, trees, shrubs...er, I'm directly under the earth's sun...now! -- No need for GPS satellites, "Marge on the Lam" % Bart and Lisa are watching TV, but their program is interrupted for a % special bulletin. Kent Brockman appears on the screen. Kent: We've just received word of a high-speed desert chase. The suspects have been identified as Ruth Powers and Marge Simpson of Springfield. Bart: Cool! Lisa: I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors. Bart: Ehh, shut your yap. -- Bart Simpson, Male Oppressor, "Marge on the Lam" % Brockman continues. At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. [Pause] It's in "Revelations", people! -- Kent Brockman thumps the bible, "Marge on the Lam" % Suddenly Brockman is cut off, and a still shot of Brockman with the % words, "Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By", appears on the % screen. % % Ruth and Marge, meanwhile, are only two miles from the state line. % Ruth is convinced they're going to make it, but a whole lot of police % cars appear, driving rapidly over the hill in front of them. "My God! % That must every policeman in Springfield," Marge opines. Ruth: I give up. A single mother can't win in a man's world. Marge: Ruth, that's a lot of hooey. It's not over 'till it's over. [Grabs the steering wheel, making the car veer off the road] I'm sorry, I should have asked first. -- Always considerate, "Marge on the Lam" % Ruth is inspired by Marge's courage: "We really are going to make it % now!" But Wiggum and Homer realize something. Wiggum: Oh, no! They're headed right for the Grand Chasm! Homer: Oh my God! They're going to drive right into it just to teach us men a lesson. And it's all my fault! -- A heavy burden, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer grabs a bullhorn and leans out the window of the speeding police % car. Homer: [into bullhorn] Marge, Marge! Marge: Homer? Homer: Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I'm sorry -- oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point. Marge: [to Ruth] You're right: I _am_ lucky to have him. -- Stand by your man, "Marge on the Lam" % Homer begs Marge not to drive into the chasm. "Chasm?!" Ruth and % Marge cry together. Ruth slams on the brakes, halting the car just % before it tumbles over the precipice. Homer and Wiggum, on the other % hand, aren't able to stop in time. Fortunately, the nose of the car % lands vertically in a big pile of garbage. Wiggum: Hah! And to think those idiot environmentalists were protesting this landfill! Homer: It's solid waste...I could kiss you! [kisses it] Ew... [kisses it] Ooh... [kisses it] Argh! [kisses it] Ooh...I think _this_ was pizza. -- With bile topping, perhaps, "Marge on the Lam" % A narrator explains the fate of the main characters. Narrator: Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sanchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was paid eight dollars for his thirty-two hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay fifty cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing. Homer: Woo-hoo! -- The fates of the principal characters, "Marge on the Lam" % [End of Act Three. Time: 21:07] % % The closing credits appear over a police badge, and the theme music is % march-like, with a rhythmic bass line and lots of trumpets. =============================================================================== > Contributors =============================================================================== {ag} Andy Gough {ddg} Don Del Grande {th} Tony Hill {rl} Ricardo Lafaurie {ar} Andrew Ross =============================================================================== This episode summary is Copyright 1996 by James A. Cherry. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)