Lenny Hall

Fanscript

ACT ONE:

INT.  MAYOR QUIMBY'S OFFICE - DAY

MAYOR QUIMBY and several SUITED MEN sit around a large
table.  They have folders in front of them filled with facts and 
figures.  Two MEN wearing ear pieces stand on-guard on either
side of the mayor.  


                                SUITED MAN
                According to my figures, sir, we have
                
                not fully exhausted our annual funds.

                If we do not spend these remaining 

                fourteen million by the end of the

                month, we will receive less money 
                
                next year from the state.


                                MAYOR QUIMBY
                Can't you just write me a check?


The men around the table CHUCKLE.  Quimby's face remains 
serious.
One of ear-pieced men WHISPERS something into Quimby's ear.


                                MAYOR QUIMBY
                It has been brought to my attention
               
                that your laughter was a way of 

                ridiculing my suggestion.  If that 

                is the case, I propose we let the 

                townspeople decide.



INT. TOWN HALL - EVENING

Mayor Quimby stands behind the podium.  
The TOWNSPEOPLE sit attentively.  

                                MAYOR QUIMBY
                Does anybody have any suggestions?


The suggestions are INTERCUT with the images they pertain to:

DR. HIBBERT rises from his chair and offers a suggestion.
                                
                                DR. HIBBERT
                Why don't we use the money to restore
              
                the statue of Jebadiah Springfield...
      


EXT.  JEBADIAH'S STATUE'S SIGHT - DAY

The statue is covered in rust, lime deposit, and white spots.
                                        
                                DR. HIBBERT (VO)
                        (cont'd) 
                ...or at least relocate the pigeon sanctuary.


A wide shot reveals a sanctuary equipped with a large tree whose 
branches extend over the statue.  Several pigeons are perched 
on the branches.  
A large white dropping SPLATTERS on the statue's head.

INT.  TOWN HALL - EVENING

PRINCIPAL SKINNER rises from his chair and takes the floor.


                                PRINCIPAL SKINNER
                How about we buy new computers for
              
                the school?

INT.  SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY

MARTIN hunches over a small screen connected to a mammoth 
sized machine. 
He pushes the cursor buttons controlling the paddle in his game 
of Pong.  The ball slowly bounces off the paddle towards the 
top of the screen.  The screen then goes blank.  Martin gets up 
from his chair and walks around to the back of the machine.


                                MARTIN
                Mrs. Kraboppel, the vacuum tube is
                
                out again.

INT.  TOWN HALL - EVENING

The townspeople are not impressed with this idea.  HOMER 
SIMPSON bolts out of his chair to share his thoughts.

                                HOMER
                I know! We can build a monorail.


The people BOO and HISS.

                                HOMER
                        (beat)
                 or a recreation center.

The people's attitudes quickly change.  A big smile comes across 
Mayor Quimby's face.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD RECREATION CENTER - MONTHS LATER

A bus arrives.  It is full of senior citizens from the Springfield 
Retirement Home.  Slowly, they exit the bus and join up with 
the rest of the townspeople gathered outside the newly 
constructed building.  A large banner reading  "Grand Opening" 
hangs above the main entrance.  Mayor Quimby stands by the 
door holding a large pair of scissors.
        
                                MAYOR QUIMBY
                Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the
                
                new state of the art Springfield Recreation 

                Center.


The people CHEER.
                
                                MAYOR QUIMBY
                        (cont'd)
                Inside you will find racquetball courts,

                tennis courts, indoor basketball and track,
                
                exercise rooms, a café, and an Olympic

                size swimming pool equipped with a 
                
                urine discoloration device.

 
The townspeople continue to CHEER as Mayor Quimby cuts 
the ribbon.                                                                             


The SIMPSON FAMILY, along with the rest of the crowd, 
enters the center. 

INT.  REC. CENTER - DAY

The townspeople are in awe by the building.  

The Simpson family walks by an exercise room.  Inside are 
several stationary bicycles and treadmills.  They all face a wall 
with several televisions all showing different programs.  
Homer's jaw drops.


                                HOMER
                Look, Marge.  They've got twelve 
                
                televisions!


Homer mounts one of the bicycles.  He puts on the built in
headphones.  He pushes a button and draws his attention to 
one of the television screens.  He pushes another button and 
moves on to the next screen.  He continues to rapidly turn 
back and forth between the different screens.


                                MARGE
                Don't you want check out the rest

                of this place?


                                HOMER
                Can't talk.  Exercising.


INT.  REC. CENTER - RACQUETBALL COURTS - DAY

CARL stands alone enclosed within the glass walls of a racquetball
court.   He checks his watch.


                                CARL
                I wonder what's taking Lenny
                
                so long.



INT.  REC. CENTER - TENNIS COURTS - DAY

LENNY enters the vacant tennis courts wearing an outfit that would
easily qualify him for Wimbledon.  He is wearing white shorts, 
a white shirt, and a white headband and wristbands.

Lenny looks around and sees no one.
 
                                LENNY
                I guess Carl is running late.


Lenny looks over to the other side of the court.  He sees an automatic
ball machine.  He walks over to it and turns it on.  He runs across 
to the other side of the net and positions himself.  


A ball shoots out.  Lenny stands motionless as the ball WHIZZES 
by him.  The next ball shoots out. He takes a huge swing, completely
missing the ball.  Another ball shoots out and he knocks it straight 
up into the air.


                                LENNY
                Aww, nuts!
        
Lenny continues to disperse the balls in every direction except for
the court in front of him.


                                WOMAN (OS)
                Try loosening your stance a little.


LENNY turns to see who's talking to him.  A ball hits him in the head,
knocking him on the floor.

The WOMAN rushes over to help him up.


                                WOMAN
                Oh, my gosh.  Are you alright?


                                LENNY
                Yeah, I think so.


                                WOMAN
                I'm sorry.  I was just trying to 
                
                help you out there.  


                        (jokingly)
                You've got terrible form.


                                LENNY
                Thanks.  This is my first time.


                        
                                WOMAN
                Well then, you're in luck.  I'm
                
                a tennis instructor.  My name is 

                Diane.                          


                                LENNY
                I'm Lenny.


                                DIANE
                Let me give you some pointers.


Diane walks up behind Lenny.  She puts her arm around his waist 
and guides his swing.  She puts her hand directly over his to show 
him how to grip the racquet.  She offers a few other pointers.


                                DIANE
                There.  I think you're ready for a 
                
        `       little one-on-one now.

                                                                        
INT.  REC. CENTER - DAY

GRAMPA SIMPSON and the other seniors from the retirement home 
tour the facilities.  They enter the "As Seen on TV" room. 

INT.  REC. CENTER - "AS SEEN ON TV" ROOM - DAY

Inside are all sorts of space-aged exercise equipment.  The room is 
filled with Cardiogliders, Soloflex, Abrollers, and Thighmasters.   

JASPER makes his way to a lateral pulldown machine.  He sits down 
and adjusts the weight setting.  He grips the bar and pulls it towards
his chest.  As he retracts his arms back up, the pull of the weights 
causes him to begin rising.  The weights pull him all the way up.  
He now hangs high in the air gripping the bar.


                                JASPER
                Ahh, little help.


Grampa climbs onto a NordicTrac.  He fastens his feet to the ski-like 
platform.  He grabs on to the two ropes.  His limbs begin to move 
independently with no sort of coordination.

After a few seconds, Grampa is out of breath.  He climbs off of the
machine but his left foot is lodged in the fastener.  As he turns to get 
off, his left hip pops out of its socket.

Grampa falls on the floor.

Two EMPLOYEES run to his side and help him to his feet.


                                GRAMPA
                That's okay.  That one is always

                popping out.


Grampa opens his stance and uses his arm to pop the hip back in its place.

An ELDERLY WOMAN sits on the opposite side of the room with
a Thighmaster between her legs.  She strains to bring her legs together.
Her legs begin to shake.  Suddenly, the Thighmaster shoots out from 
between her legs.

The Thighmaster flies across the room.  It CRASHES against Grampa's
right hip.  

Grampa falls to the ground once again.
                                                                        
INT.  REC. CENTER - MEDICAL ROOM - DAY

Homer, Marge, Bart, and Lisa surround Grampa who's lying on a
hospital bed.  A sign in the background reads "Cash Only."

Bart picks up Grampa's chart from the foot of the bed.
He scribbles some stuff on it.

                                BART
                Hey, Lis, I signed Grampa up for an 

                enema.


                                LISA
                Barium?


                                BART
                Shouldn't we wait till he's dead? 


Lisa SLAPS her forehead.

DR. NICK RIVIERA enters the room.


                                DR. RIVIERA
                Hi, everybody.


                                SIMPSONS
                Hi, Dr. Nick.


                                DR. RIVIERA
                Well, Mr. Simpson, our test results

                showed two things.  One, you have 

                dislocated your hip.  You will need

                to get a cast and stay off your feet

                for at least two weeks.  And two, 

                you're senile.

                                HOMER
                And how!

                                GRAMPA
                Well, at least my hip's alright. 

Dr. Riviera pulls Homer and Marge off to the side.

                                DR. RIVIERA
                I recommend that he stay with you 

                until he can get on his feet again.

                He's gonna require a lot of attention

                these next couple of weeks.


                                HOMER 
                Marge won't mind looking after him.

                Will you Marge?


Marge gets a worried look on her face.  She looks around the room
hesitating to answer.


                                MARGE
                Well, you know, I already have 

                enough things...


                                HOMER
                Okay.  Done and done.
                
INT.  REC. CENTER - TENNIS COURTS - DAY

Lenny and Diane stand over a bench by the sidelines.  They are 
drying the sweat from their faces with pair of towels.

                                DIANE
                I must admit, you showed dramatic

                improvement.  Except the way you 

                stumbled every time I said the word 
                
                love.


Lenny turns red.


                                LENNY
                I didn't know that's how you kept

                score.  I thought you were coming

                on to me.


                                DIANE
                You're so cute.  C'mon let's go 

                get a drink.


INT.  REC. CENTER - RACQUETBALL COURTS - DAY

Carl continues to wait.  Two MEN KNOCK on the door and enter
the court.


                                MAN
                Sorry, buddy.  Your time is up.


Carl walks away with his head down.

INT.  REC. CENTER - CAFÉ - DAY

Diane and Lenny sit at the café.  An empty plate and a large health
shake sit in front of Lenny.  In front of Diane is a half-eaten bagel.

Diane takes anther bite of her bagel.

                                DIANE
                The food here is terrible.


                                LENNY 
                Yeah, and such small portions.


                                DIANE
                I was wondering, how would you like

                to have dinner with me tonight.  
                
                                LENNY
                Ahh, dinner


                                DIANE
                Yeah, you can come over to my place

                and I'll cook us up a delicious lobster

                dinner.  You didn't have other plans,

                did you?


                                LENNY 
                Well I...


Lenny remembers an earlier conversation he had with Carl:
                                                                                
INT.  SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - DAY

                                CARL
                I got us front row seats for the 

                monster truck rally.

An image of a large monster truck appears.  It leaps off a ramp 
and lands on some cars.  The oversized tires DISSOLVE into 
Diane's big blue eyes.

INT.  REC CENTER - CAFÉ - DAY

                                LENNY
                        (cont'd)
                Ahh, yeah that sounds good.
                                
                                DIANE 
                             Great, how about 8 o'clock.  My place.



END OF ACT ONE


ACT TWO:

INT.  CARL'S APARTMENT - EVENING

Carl is on the telephone.  In one hand he holds a pair of tickets.  
The phone RINGS.  An ANSWERING MACHINE picks up.

                                ANSWERING MACHINE
                        (Lenny doing a Rod Sterling imitation)
                You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in 

                a world without time, where sound 

                collides with color and shadows 

                explode.  You see a sign post ahead.  


                This is no ordinary telephone answering 

                devise...You've reached the Twilight

                Phone. 
                        (Lenny hums along to the Twilight
                         Zone theme)

BEEP.

Carl hangs up the phone.

EXT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - EVENING

Lenny stands in the doorway wearing a plaid polyester suit.
He holds a bouquet of flowers behind his back.

Diane opens the door wearing an apron with food stains all over.


                                DIANE
                Hi, come on in.



INT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - EVENING


                                LENNY
                Here these are for you.

                He hands her the flowers.


                                DIANE
                That's so sweet.

She gives him a kiss on the cheek.


                                DIANE
                I'm having some trouble with our 

                dinner.


INT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN

A large pot with boiling water rests on top of the stove.  
A couple of live lobsters are crawling around on the floor.  

Lenny and Diane walk into the kitchen.


                                DIANE
                Oh gosh, they got out.          

She quickly puts the flowers into a vase and chases the lobsters.  
Lenny begins to help out.  He traps one in the corner.  He bends 
over to pick it up and it clamps on to his nose.


                                LENNY
                Get it off!  Get it off!

As he speaks with the lobster pinching his nose, his nasally 
congested voice becomes rough and manly.

Diane pulls the lobster off his nose and tosses it into the pot.


INT.  MOE'S TAVERN - NIGHT

Homer and the other bar flies sit around the bar.  
Carl walks in and sits on the stool next to Homer.  


                                CARL
                Hey, Homer.

Moe walks over and hands Carl a beer.                           

                                HOMER
                Hi Carl.  How was the truck show?


                                CARL
                It was okay.  Hey, have you seen 

                Lenny around?

Homer sits rubbing his neck.      
                                                                      
                                HOMER
                I saw him earlier at the recreation

                center.  Did you know that place has

                twelve TV's?

                                CARL
                You saw him at the rec center?


                                HOMER
                Yeah, I saw him leaving with a 

                beautiful girl.  


                        (teasingly)
                Looks like you've got some 

                competition.   


INT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Lenny and Diane sit on a couch drinking some wine.  The walls are 
decorated with pictures of Diane with famous tennis players.

Lenny's and Diane's thoughts appear in the form of 
SUBTITLES as they converse:
                        
                                LENNY
                Dinner was great.


Subtitle: Damn my nose hurts.

                                DIANE
                Thanks.

Subtitle: I wonder if he knows his fly is open.
                
                                LENNY
                So you've met all these people.


Subtitle:  Should I tell her about my encounter with Tina Youthers?


                                DIANE
                Yeah, I used to train most of them.


Subtitle: He's gonna think I'm too good for him.


                                LENNY
                Me and Carl met Tina Youthers once.


Subtitle: I wonder what she looks like naked.


                                DIANE
                I used to love Family Ties.


Subtitle: Why does he keep bringing up this Carl character?
I hope he's not gay.


Lenny and Diane stare into each other's eyes.  After an eternal 
silence, the two get closer together.  Their lips meet and they 
share a passionate kiss.

Suddenly, Lenny's eyes open widely.

Subtitle: Whoa!  My fly's undone.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - DAWN

Grampa lays on the couch wearing some of Homer's pajamas.
He begins RINGING a bell.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - HOMER AND MARGE'S BEDROOM - DAWN

The ringing wakes MARGE up.  


                                MARGE
                (ANNOYED MURMUR)

HOMER remains sound asleep.  Drool stains decorate his pillow.  


                                HOMER
                        (in his sleep)
                ...because their horns don't work.  

Hee, hee, hee.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAWN

Grampa continues to RING the bell.

                                GRAMPA
                Hello?


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - HOMER AND MARGE'S BEDROOM - DAWN

Marge covers her head with a pillow.  The bell continues to RING.  
Marge reluctantly gets out of bed.  She puts on some slippers and 
walks downstairs.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAWN

                                MARGE
                Grampa, it's five-thirty in the
 
                morning.  What do you want?

                                GRAMPA
                I'm hungry.

                                MARGE
                        (ANNOYED MURMUR)

                                GRAMPA
                I want an ice-cream sundae.

                                MARGE
                It's too early for a sundae.

                                GRAMPA
                Make sure to use plenty of whipped

                cream.


MARGE makes her way to the kitchen.  

                                GRAMPA
                        (loudly)
                Don't forget the hot fudge and nuts. 


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - HOMER'S BEDROOM - DAWN

                                HOMER
                        (asleep)
                MMM...fudge nuts.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Marge returns from a kitchen carrying a tray.  She sets the 
tray in front of Grampa.

Grampa examines the tray.  It contains eggs, a bowl of cereal, 
and a glass of orange juice.
                
                                GRAMPA
                Hey!
                        (pause)
                Where's my toast?


INT.  SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - DAY

Homer and a group of CO-WORKERS gather around Lenny 
who's sharing the gossip about his conquest the night before.

Carl walks by the crowd but doesn't stop.  Lenny notices him 
walking by and catches up to him.

                                LENNY
                Hey Carl, I met this beautiful woman

                yesterday.  She invited me to her...


                                CARL
                Oh, yeah.  Did you take a ride in 

                her truck?

                                LENNY

                No, she drives a Volkswagen.  Anyway,

                we went back to her place and...


                                CARL
                Really?  Did you show her your 

                monster?

Lenny has a confused look on his face.


                                LENNY
                What are you talking about?


                                CARL
                Did she rally your, ahh...


Carl is at a loss of words.


                                CARL
                        (cont'd)
                We were supposed to go the monster

                truck rally last night.  I waited 

                all night.


                                LENNY
                I'm sorry, Carl, but this girl is 

                wonderful.  I thought you of all 

                people would be happy for me. 


                                CARL
                        (beat)
                You're right.  Congratulations.

                So, are you going to see her again?


                                LENNY
                Yeah, we're going out again tonight.


                                CARL
                Tonight?  Tonight's our bowling night.


                                LENNY
                I don't think I'm gonna make it tonight,

                but I'll meet up with you tomorrow.


                                HOMER (OS)
                C'mon Lenny, finish the story.


Lenny looks back at the group of workers.  They are all waiting 
for him to get back and finish his gossip.

Lenny walks back towards the group.  Carl walks in the opposite
direction.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Grampa sits on the couch.  His casted leg is elevated on a footrest.  
Grampa picks up his bell and begins RINGING it.

Marge vacuums the hallway.  She hears the bell in the background 
and turns the vacuum to a higher setting.  

Grampa rings the bell louder.

Marge cringes her teeth and walks into the living room.

                                MARGE
                What is it now, Grampa?

                                GRAMPA
                It's time for my bath.

Grampa gets a big grin on his face.  Marge gives a look of disgust.  


EXT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Lenny's car pulls up into the driveway.

MONTAGE:

A.) EXT.  BEACH - SUNSET

Lenny and Diane walk along the grassy beachfront.

B.)  INT.  MOE'S TAVERN - NIGHT

Carl plays a game of air hockey alone.  He shoots the puck in a 
straight line into the opposite goal.  He walks to the other side, 
picks up the puck from goal, and repeats the process.

C.)  INT.  BOOKSTORE - DAY

Lenny and Diane browse around and purchase some books.

D.) INT.  SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - DAY

Carl eats his lunch.  The cafeteria is full, except for an empty 
seat next to Carl.
 
E.) EXT.  MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT

Lenny and Diane walk out of the movie theatre holding hands.  
The marquee outside reads "The Sorrow and The Pity."

F.)  EXT.  SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR P.P. - DAY

Several workers play around in a jungle gym.  Carl sits on 
a seesaw.  Carl is on the ground as there is no one on the other
side.  The work whistle BLOWS.  The men stop their shenanigans 
and reluctantly walk back inside.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - DAY

Bart fastens a football helmet to his head.  He sits on Grampa's 
wheelchair.  The wheelchair rests on the edge of the staircase.  

Bart rolls back to get some momentum.


                                BART
                Excuse me while I kiss the sky.


He pushes the wheels with all his strength.  Bart rolls down the hall.
The wheelchair leaps off onto the stairs.  

Bart rides down the stairs at a tremendous speed.  He hits the last 
step and the wheelchair flips over.  Bart flies through the air.  
He lands on a set of strategically placed couch cushions.

Marge rushes into the room.

Bart tries to pick up the wheelchair before Marge notices.


                                MARGE
                Bart!  That wheelchair is not a toy.

                This is not what I meant when I told

                you to keep your grandfather company.

                Marge drags Bart into the living room.


INT.  SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Marge sits Bart on the couch next to Grampa.  


                                MARGE
                Now you sit in case Grampa needs

                anything.


Bart sits with his arms crossed, cursing under his breath.  


                                GRAMPA
                I've got an idea.


INT.  MOE'S TAVERN - DAY

MOE dispenses drinks to the regular bar flies.  The telephone RINGS.  
Moe walks over to answer it.

CROSSCUT between Simpson house and Moe's Tavern during
the phone conversation.


                                MOE
                Moe's Tavern.


                                BART
                        (disguising his voice)
                May I speak with Craven Moorehead?


                                MOE
                Hold on.


Moe holds the phone down as he relays the message to the barflies.


                                MOE
                Craven Moorehead.  Hey, is anyone 

                here Craven Moorehead?


The barflies all LAUGH.


                                BARNEY
                We sure are.


Moe realizes he's been had again.


                                MOE
                Listen, when I get a hold of you,
                
                I'm gonna take this hickory stick 

                and shove it...


Bart and Grampa have the phone receiver between the two of them.
They are both LAUGHING hysterically.

Marge is standing in complete disbelief.


                                MARGE
                GRAMPA!


Bart looks up at Marge who is standing directly over them.  
She has an evil look on her face.  His laughter quickly ceases 
as he hangs up the telephone.


                                MARGE 
                Bart, go to your room.


Bart runs out of the room.


                                MARGE
                If you're going to be a guest in my 

                home, I would appreciate it if you

                didn't teach my children profanity.


                                GRAMPA


                I was just having some fun with 

                the boy.  I feel so useless around

                here.  At least in the retirement 

                home, everyone feels useless.  It's

                what keeps us together.


Marge exits the room angrily.


INT.  RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Lenny and Diane are in the middle of dinner.  Lenny's appearance
is much sharper.  His hair is perfectly combed.  He wears a black 
designer suit.

Lenny takes a bite from his fork.  He picks up the napkin from 
his lap and wipes his mouth.  He has a huge smile on his face.


                                LENNY
                This has been the best week and 
                
                a half of my life.  


Diane has a serious look on her face.  The servings on her plate 
remain untouched.  She uses her fork to play around with the food.  


                                DIANE
                Listen, Lenny.  I got offered a new 

                job.  I'm gonna be Andre Agassi's

                new personal trainer.


                                LENNY
                Wow, that's great.


                                DIANE
                Not entirely.  The job is in 

                California.  I leave in two days.



END OF ACT TWO



ACT THREE:

                 
INT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - DAY


Most of Diane's belongings are packed away in boxes.  


INT.  DIANE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

Lenny sits on Diane's bed.  Diane folds some of her clothes and
places them into some luggage.  Led Zeppelin's "Going to California"
plays on the radio.  Diane walks over and turns the radio off.


                                DIANE
                I guess it's true what they say.


All good things must come to an end.
                                
                                LENNY
                Why?


                                DIANE
                Why?  Because everything has a 

                beginning, middle, and end.



                                LENNY 
                What about circles?


                                DIANE
                Oh, they suck.


Diane smiles faintly, but Lenny remains somber.


                                LENNY
                Why do you have to take this job?

                With your qualifications, you could

                easily find a job here.


                                DIANE
                Right, because Springfield is such a 

                tennis Mecca.  This job is very 

                important to me, I had to take it. 

                Let's not ruin our last day together 

                by arguing.  Okay?


                                LENNY
                Okay.



INT.  SPRINGFIELD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY


Grampa RINGS his bell.


Marge's patience is wearing thin.  She walks into the living room. 


                                MARGE
                What is it this time Grampa?


                                GRAMPA
                I need a bath.


                                MARGE
                You already had your bath.


                                GRAMPA
                Yeah, but I accidentally used one of
                
                Maggie's diapers.  There just wasn't
        
                enough surface area.
                


Marge shivers at the thought.


Bart and Lisa run in.  


                                BART
                Mom, we need you to take us down

                to the recreation center.


                                LISA
                Yeah, we're gonna go swimming.


                                MARGE
                I can't today kids.  I've got to

                take care of Grampa and I still have

                to cook dinner.  And I don't want 

                you guys to swim unsupervised.


                                BART & LISA
                But, mom.


                                LISA
                Why doesn't Grampa go with us?  He 

                hasn't been out of the house in a 

                while.


                                MARGE
                Twelve days to be exact.


                        
EXT.  REC. CENTER - POOL - DAY


Grampa lays out in the sun on a pool chair.  Bart, Lisa, and 
their schoolmates play around in the water.  


BARNEY is also at the pool.  He looks out of place amongst
all the kids.  He wears red Speedo's and floaties.  He climbs a 
tall ladder leading to a diving platform twenty feet in the air.  
As he approaches the front of the platform, his massive body 
eclipses the sun.


The kids stop their activities and look up towards the sky.


                                KIDS
                Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!


Barney jumps off the platform and tucks his legs into his chest.


                                BARNEY
                CANNONBAAALLL (burp)


Barney hits the water causing a huge tidal wave.  The kids are
carried by a wave, which slams them all against the pool wall.  


The kids begin to MOAN as they rub their bruises.  A sea of red 
begins to form around RALPH WIGGUM.  The other kids see 
this and quickly make their way out of the pool.


                                KIDS
                Ewww.  That's gross.
 
A ring of red water surrounds RALPH, who now floats alone in 
his duck shaped inner tube.     


                                RALPH
                I think I broke it. 


                
INT.  MARGE'S CAR - LATER IN THE DAY


Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Grampa sit silently as the car maneuvers 
its way through traffic.  Marge is very upset.


                                MARGE
                        (to Grampa)
                I can't believe you.  I've been 

                serving your every need for the 

                past twelve days.  I ask you to 

                do one thing and you can't even 

                do that.  Look at all the bruises 

                they have on their bodies.


                                GRAMPA
                That wasn't my fault.  It was that

                drunk, cannonball, tsunami...


                                MARGE
                No excuses Grampa.  I think it's 

                time to go back to the retirement 

                home.


EXT.  SPRINGFIELD SCENIC DRIVE - SUNSET

Diane's Volkswagen Bettle is parked on a mountain.  The view 
overlooks the entire city.

Lenny and Diane silently watch the sun go down.


                                DIANE
                Why don't you show me where you 

                grew up?
                                
                                LENNY
                Okay.


Lenny turns the key, but the car hesitates to start.  He flips the 
key back, then attempts once more.  The car doesn't start.  

Lenny gets out of the car and walks to the front.  He raises the 
trunk door in the front of the car.


                                LENNY
                Well, here's the problem.  You're
        
                missing that engine thingy.


Diane GIGGLES.  She steps out of the car.


                                DIANE
                It's such a beautiful night.  Why

                don't we just walk?



EXT.  SPRINGFIELD AMUSEMENT PARK - NIGHT
  
Lenny and Diane approach the parking lot to a run-down 
amusement park.  

An old beat-up house in need of some paint, rests underneath 
a worn-out rollercoaster.


                                LENNY
                This is where I grew up.  I never 

                got much sleep, but I was real 

                popular, cuz all the kids always

                wanted to come over to my house

                after school.  See, me and Carl dug

                a hole in the back yard so we 

                could sneak into the amusement

                park.  I wonder if it's still there.


Lenny and Diane walk towards the house.  They make their 
way into the back yard.  Lenny notices that the hole is in fact, 
still there.  He crawls under.  Diane follows.  Lenny helps 
Diane to her feet on the other side. 

Lenny and Diane walk hand in hand across the amusement park.  
They walk by a Tilt-a-Whirl.


                                LENNY
                I remember the first time me and 

                Carl ever drank beer, we snuck inside

                the park and rode the Tilt-a-Whirl.

                We were spinning so fast that when

                we threw up, the vomit just kinda 

                hovered for a while, then smacked

                us on our faces.


Lenny looks over at Diane who now has a look of horror on 
her face.

The two continue to walk.  The walk through the gates of the 
Ferris-wheel.  They sit on the seat closest to the ground and 
quietly stare at the sky.
 
Diane falls asleep in Lenny's arms.


The sun comes up from behind them.


INT.  SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT - MORNING

Lenny and Diane stand in front of the boarding gate.  


                                DIANE
                I'm really going to miss you.

                Thanks for making these past 

                two weeks so wonderful.


She gives him a long embrace and a kiss.


                                DIANE
                I'll call you as soon as I get

               settled.


Diane makes her way down the corridor onto the plane. 


                                DIANE
                Goodbye, Lenny.


                                LENNY
                Goodbye, Diane.
        
Lenny stands and watches her board the plane.  He moves 
toward the window.  He watches the plane take off.  He 
continues to stand there long after the departure.

   
INT.  SPRINGFIELD RETIREMENT HOME - DAY

A group of four SENIOR CITIZENS sit around a table.  
One reads aloud from a book entitled, "MENSA for Dummies."


                                ELDERLY WOMAN
                A freight train leaves Omaha at 

                4:00 PM traveling at 30 miles per

                hour.  A passenger train leaves 1

                hour later, traveling at 50 miles

                per hour.  At what time will the 

                passenger train overtake the freight

                train?


                                SENIOR #1
                Thirty-seven.


                                SENIOR #2
                Nebraska.


                                GRAMPA (OS)
                Six-thirty.


Grampa stands in the doorway on crutches carrying a duffel bag.

The ELDERLY WOMAN flips the pages to the back of the book. 
Her eyes widen.


                                ELDERLY WOMAN
                How did you know that?


                                GRAMPA
                I subtracted thirty-seven from Nebraska.


The elderly group is very happy to see Grampa.  The people go 
up to Grampa to welcome him back.  A large smile grows over 
Grampa's face.



INT.  LENNY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


Lenny is watching Conan O'Brien on TV.  Conan is in the 
middle of his Date Morphing segment.


                                CONAN
                        (on TV)
                Another famous couple who's dating

                is Andre Agassi and Brook Shields.

                Now let's see what their child would

                look like if they were to have kids.


A split screen shows a picture of Andre on one half and Brook 
on the other.  The two images are combined together to form a 
new image, a picture of Chewbacca.

Lenny turns off his television.  He gets up and leaves his apartment.  


INT.  MOE'S TAVERN - NIGHT

Lenny sits on a stool, drinking his sorrow away.  

Carl enters the bar.  He sees Lenny and sits on the opposite side 
of the bar.

Carl sees that Lenny looks devastated.  
                                
                                CARL
                        (to Moe)
                Hey Moe, what's up with Lenny?


                                MOE
                His girl moved to California.


Moe approaches Lenny from behind the bar.  He hands Lenny 
a beer.


                                MOE
                This one's from the gentleman at the

                end of the bar.  


Lenny looks up and sees his buddy at the end of the bar.

Carl walks over and sits next to Lenny.

Lenny's depressed state is already beginning to change.


                                CARL
                You alright there, buddy?


                                LENNY
                Yeah, I'm okay. 
        
A long silence.


                                CARL
                So tell me about this girl.


Lenny's depression becomes non-existent.


                                LENNY
                I met her at the rec center.


                                CARL
                Yeah?


                                LENNY
                Yeah.  She invited me over and

                we cooked some lobsters.  One of 

                them grabbed on to my nose...



                                THE END