If Itchy & Scratchy did Monty Python

• Itchy plays the "Bells of St. Mary" on Scratchy with each body part tuned to fixed pitch scream.

• Scratchy comes up to the Bridge of Death and Itchy asks him what is his favorite color.

• Itchy tells Scratchy the world's funniest joke.

• A suicide bag-pipe Itchy comes up to Scratchy.

• Itchy slaps Scratchy with a large fish/rubber chicken.

• Itchy grinds Scratchy into processed meat for spam sketch.

• Itchy subjects Scratchy to the rack, fluffy pillows, and the comfy chair.

• To demonstrate self-defense, Itchy asks Scratchy to attack him with a banana and then shoots him.

• Itchy feeds a rotund Scratchy until he explodes. {al}

• Itchy chops off all of Scratchy's limbs in sword fight. {al}

• Itchy crucifies Scratchy. {awl}

• Itchy beats Scratchy (as Mary, Queen of Scots) to death. {al}

• Itchy removes Scratchy's liver. {al}

• A topless Itchy chases Scratchy off a cliff. {al}

• Itchy strangles Scratchy (as John Denver). }al}

• Itchy covers Scratchy in chocolate and markets him as 'Crunchy Cat'. {11}

• Itchy invites Scratchy to dinner, serves salmon mousse.

• Itchy puts on suspenders and a bra, mistakes Scratchy for mighty Scots Pine. {11}

• Scratchy goes 'voom' if you shove 4000 volts through him.

• Itchy confuses Scratchy to death. {11}

• Itchy hits Scratchy with fish, knocks him into vat of acid

• Driving a car, Itchy crushed by giant Scratchy. {11}

• Itchy and 2 other mice come in dressed as The Spanish Inquisition, and proceed to bore Scratchy to death by telling him how they plan on killing him, etc. {mk}

• Itchy (dressed as medieval knight) beats Scratchy with chicken. {km}

• Itchy brings Scratchy's corpse in a bag to an undertaker. Tells undertaker he wants to eat Scratchy. Outraged Simpsons fans invade set and stop sketch.

• Principal Skinner interrupts sketch because it's too silly. Itchy and Scratchy cuts off his head.

• Scratchy on a cross county bike tour. Itchy trips his bike in various places.

• Itchy throws Scratchy out of a zeppelin.

• Scratchy joins a covert group of cats who dress up as mice. Itchy comes in dressed as the farmer's wife and chops off their heads with a carving knife.

• Itchy sells Scratchy a foreign phrase book full of ethnic slurs.

• Itchy sells Scratchy a box of chocolates containing the flavors 'crunchy frog', 'anthrax ripple', and 'spring surprise'.

• Itchy while lighting match, farts in Scratchy's general direction.

• Man pulling cart saying "bring out your dead".
  Itchy drags out Scratchy.
  Scratchy says "I'm not dead yet".
  Itchy finishes him off with an axe.

• A bleeding Scratchy sings about his corpsucles.

• Itchy and Scratchy demonstrate the act of homicide before a class of schoolboys.

• Scratchy is the Black Knight, gets dismembered.

Contributors:
{11} some compuserve dude
{al} Adam W. Long
{km} Kieran Murphy
{mk} mainiak920