The Simpsons Archive's Simpsons Syndication Cuts Guide Season Nine (1997-1998) "Syndication... is there anything they can't do?" Version 2.25 - 07 Apr 2001 Last updated 07 Jul 2008 Maintained by Matt Garvey Guide created by Frederic Briere Contributions from Chad Lehman and Tim Reardon [===========================[Season Nine Summary]===========================] Story cut episodes: All except 3G02, 5F13, 5F17. Compressed episodes: All episodes were compressed. Added content: 5F02. Changed content: 4F23. [not really, see below - mg] Story time cut: 14:57 (14 min 57 sec) Total time gained: 29:10 (29 min 10 sec) ==[ 4F22 ]======================= The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson === CUTS: 46 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 20:00 / 21:21 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:04> (0:14) 6:24 / 6:38 Homer: I oughtta punch you in the nose! But, I have to pick up my kids at school! [Mumbling, he rolls away on the scooter] Lousy, stupid, <0:02> % B-ah! Dumb... Outside the Simpson house at night. Move on garage... ~~ Lisa: Dad, you can't judge a place you've never been to. Bart: Yeah. That's what people do in Russia. <0:02> % Homer: [exasperated] Ugh... [long pause] It's time I told you about a chapter of my life I hoped would be closed forever... ~~~~~ ACT II <0:40> (0:51) 7:14 / 8:05 Lisa: I just think we should've paid the extra $1.50, and gotten a bus with restrooms. % Homer: [yawns and stretches; he touches his legs, worried] Marge... % I can't feel my legs. [upset; begins hitting them] I can't % feel my LEGS! % Marge: Homer! [pointing] Homer, those legs belong to the man behind % you. <0:16> % % Very Tall Man [3F18] stands up, and towers over Homer, ominously. % % Homer: [giggles; waves nervously] Hi. % % Lisa looks away, then looks out the window. Lisa: [gasps] We're here! ~~ Homer: They expect me to sit here from 9 to 5? That's... how many hours? [looking at watch] 10, 11, denominator... % Aw, where's Lisa when you need her? % % Cut to subway tunnel, full of colorful grafitti. A train rounds the % bend. Inside, pan by several overhead advertisements--to Marge, who % hangs on to a passenger handle. Lisa holds her hand. <0:16> % % Lisa: Here's a better idea. You give me YOUR address, and I'll % write to _you_. % Man: [scratching himself] Uh, okay, uh--just send it to "Jesus... % uh, care of the Pentagon." Marge: I'm so glad we took the subway... ~~ Homer makes it to the top of the second tower, and proceeds to relieve himself in the restroom... Homer: [off-screen] OH, OH-- <0:08> % OOH--hhh! Oh, oh, oh ho ho ho ho! Oh... [takes a breath; on screen] OH, yes. Oh-- [looks out window] ~~~~~ ACT III <0:02> (0:16) 6:22 / 6:38 Bart: Excuse me. Is this "MAD Magazine?" Gruff Woman: [sarcastic] No. It's "Mademoiselle." We're buying our sign on the installment plan. <0:02> % Bart: [courtesy laugh] Uh, seriously though-- um, my name is Bart Simpson. ==[ 4F23 ]================================= The Principal and the Pauper === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 77 seconds 20:05 / 21:22 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:09> (0:18) 4:55 / 5:13 Miss Hoover: And for the tribute, I need a volunteer to present an oral report on Principal Skinner's life. Ralph: [raises his hand] <0:06> % Miss Hoover? Which one is "oral?" % Miss Hoover: Out of your mouth, Ralph... [sigh] Volunteers? [Lisa raises her hand] Thank you, Lisa. ~~ Agnes: Tonight, we're going for a drive. <0:01> % Skinner: Um... what's so special about tonight? ~~ Skinner: [worried] Mother! Sgt. Skinner: She's _my_ mother... <0:02> % [continues walking up aisle; people murmur] Chalmers: Will someone remove that crazy man, please? ~~~~~ ACT II <0:08> (0:21) 8:39 / 9:00 Chalmers: So what's _your_ story, Seymour? If that IS your real name... <0:03> % Skinner/Tamzarian: Well, obviously it isn't... My real name is Armen Tamzarian. ~~ Skinner/Tamzarian: Oh... of course, if I'd have known there was a war going on I... probably would have apologized. Two explosions are shown, lighting up silhouettes of soldiers. <0:05> % Two more explosions. Silhouettes of soldiers change. A black haired sargeant turns around to fire back at the enemy, as "Tamzarian" combs his hair. + The last of the four "explosion" silhouettes is used twice in + syndication, where the black haired sargeant holds his weapon over + his shoulder. So, not only did they cut a piece out; they cut out + three of four sequences, reusing one twice. ! Oh, actually that's not true at all. I'm leaving the rest as it was ! originally written, but in syndication the first and fourth are ! used, so it's actually a straight cut. [-mg] ~~~~~ ACT III <0:26> (0:38) 6:31 / 7:09 % First scene of the act: Kent Brockman does a report. % % Brockman: [giggles] Now, to recap our top story in its entirety... % The adaptable citizens of Springfield have opened their <0:15> % hearts to Principal Seymour Skinner, who-- % [graphic of original Skinner is shown] Not _that_ one... % [slide is replaced with Sgt. Skinner's upside down photo. % Brockman crumples his copy, and throws it over his % shoulder] Idiots! Crowd cheers Sgt. Skinner, in town square. ~~ Lisa: A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet. Bart: Not if you called them "stench blossoms." % Homer: Or, crapweeds. <0:07> % Marge: I'd sure hate to get a dozen crapweeds for Valentine's % Day. I'd rather have candy. % Homer: Not if they were called "scumdrops." Chalmers: Your new principal would like to say a few words. ~~ Grampa: Hello, beautiful. Agnes: In your dreams! Grampa: We'll see about that! [snores] <0:04> % [talking in sleep] Hello, beautiful. [snores] % % Agnes looks at Marge. ==[ 3G02 ]=================================================== Lisa's Sax === CUTS: 0 seconds GAINED: 27 seconds 19:58 / 20:25 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:02) 5:53 / 5:55 * Compression starts with Bart's kindergarten class singing "Bingo." ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:10) 5:13 / 5:23 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:15) 8:52 / 9:07 ==[ 5F02 ]===================================== Treehouse of Horror VIII === CUTS: 49 seconds GAINED: 74 seconds 19:28 / 20:42 Original special opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:37> (0:48) 6:15 / 7:03 The French rocket is launched into space. % The rocket does a zoom-by, past Kang & Kodos' spaceship--nearly % colliding with it. % % Kodos: What the hell was that? % Kang: Calling home planet... this is ensign Kang reporting a % cigar-shaped object moving at tremendous speed! % <0:15> % Home Planet: Pan by a very alien looking landscape w/thin red % atmosphere, showing a triple-ringed sister planet, craggy mountains, % and a large satellite transmitter connected to a control booth. Two % slightly more mature looking aliens listen. % % Leader: [mocking] Sure, Kang. I'm writing it all down. [snickers] % % The other does the "cuckoo" or "they're crazy" signal-thing with its % tentacle, like a finger circling an ear. The rocket leaves a vapor trail as it descends over N. America. Then, it zooms over Springfield's skyline. ~~ Homer: I'm the last man alive. And I can do everything I've always wanted! [echoes] % Homer runs into a movie theater, over and past several disintegrated % skeletons. Inside, seated among several dead corpses, he munches % popcorn while watching a Chris Farley/David Spade film. After a % large handful, he steals a dead person's drink, and slurps it. % % On screen, Spade and Farley run in circles trying to escape some % angry bees. They scream and moan, doing their trademark schtick. % <0:22> % Homer: [educated; gentle] Oh, Spade. Why did you put Farley in % charge of the bees? % % At this point, Homer props his feet up on the chair in front of him. % % Homer: [to corpse sitting in front of him] Hey, buddy... down in % front! % % With a grunt, he kicks the corpse's skull off. Giggling, he % continues watching the movie. Outside the church, the marquee says "Today's Sermon: Homer Rocks!" ! Cuts leave Kang & Kodos--perennial Hallowe'en visitors--out of the ! episode completely. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:09) 6:59 / 7:08 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:12> (0:17) 6:14 / 6:31 Lisa: If they're really witches, wy don't they use their powers to escape? Homer: [suspicious] That sounds like witch-talk to me, Lisa. Lisa: [quickly] Nevermind! % Flanders: Well, that's 75 witches we've processed. That oughtta show <0:09> % God whose side we're on, eh, Pastor? % Lovejoy: Yes Nedwin, but we have many more strumpets to incinerate. Move camera on church... ~~ Moe: Oh, I've heard enough! Burn 'er! The townspeople clamor loudly. <0:03> % Three seconds of clamoring are cut. Quimby: People! Let us not turn into an angry mob! + When Marge's hair turns into bats and the people flee, Homer says + "They're in my hair!" twice in the synd version. ==[ 5F01 ]========================================= The Cartridge Family === CUTS: 21 seconds GAINED: 55 seconds 20:00 / 20:55 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:08> (0:15) 4:56 / 5:11 The referee blows the whistle. There are two kicks, then a shot of the crowd. Three more kicks, <0:08> % and a crowd shot. Three kicks. The center has it, and kicks it once. Crowd shot. The police stop cheering. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:13> (0:29) 9:01 / 9:30 Lisa: [exhausted] Dad, its 3 a.m. Can't you mutter in your own room? Homer: Marge kicked me out. Lisa: [weary] Oh, % all right. [covers head with pillow] Go ahead. <0:12> % Homer: [muttering] Pushy kids, think they can tell me what to do in % my house... I tell you, parents these days, they don't know % how to rear children... Homer: Oh, how am I supposed to last five days without shooting something? ~~ Moe: Well, it could have been a real ugly situation. But, I managed to shoot him in the spine. NRA Members: [cheer] <0:01> % A second of cheering is cut. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:11) 6:03 / 6:14 ==[ 5F03 ]==================================================== Bart Star === CUTS: 46 seconds GAINED: 82 seconds 19:55 / 21:17 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:12> (0:28) 8:20 / 8:48 Firestone: Do you have a question for Sandy Koufax? Homer: Yes. Mr. Koufax. Don't you think Flanders is a big jerk? [phone disconnects] Y'hello? Y'hello? % Homer leans over and dials the phone again. % <0:09> % Homer: Yeah. Homer again. I think we got cut off. [Firestone % gives the "cut the throat" signal. Phone disconnects again] % Y'hello? [dials again] Nelson: 5F03, hut! ~~ After the team scores to go up 34-0 on Victory City, Homer taunts coach Ned from the stands. Homer: Flan--ders! Flan--ders! Ned turns around. % Ned: What? <0:03> % Homer: [Pauses; then, to his face] Flan--ders! Ned: [annoyed] What?! What is it?! ~~~~~ ACT II <0:10> (0:16) 5:07 / 5:23 Homer: Quit running, son. I just wanna give you a big hug. Bart's Brain: It's gotta be a trick. Run like the wind. [he does] Homer: [chasing him] I believe in you. HUG ME! Bart throws a folding lawn chair, a table, a plastic chair and a bamboo lantern which hits Homer's head. Homer: D'Oh! % Will you hug me? [Bart throws a Big Wheel in <0:06> % his way] Hug me! [Grunting, Bart jumps over a lawn chair] ~~ Nelson: Listen here, daddy's boy. You cost us one more game, and you're dead. [throws Bart in the mud] % Bart picks his head out of the mud. <0:04> % % Ralph: You're going to heaven! ~~~~~ ACT III <0:24> (0:38) 6:28 / 7:06 Beginning of act... Overhead shot of the house, move to backyard. % Bart throws a football toward the tire, but it only travels a few <0:02> % feet and drops. He then throws one into the tree. ~~ Bart: I quit! Homer: What? Well I got news for you mister! You can't quit, you're cut! ... You too, Milhouse. Milhouse: All right! [pulls off his jockstrap and slams it] <0:02> % Establishing shot of the Simpson house, at night. Simpsons eat dinner. Homer glares at Bart. Bart stares at his food, then glares at Homer. Profile shot of family. Marge nervously looks back and forth. % Marge: [brightly] So, like I said. I've never had a tick burrow <0:12> % in so deep. Little guy's just got a mind of his own. % Lisa: [annoyed] Mom, please. We're eating. % Marge: Well, at least I'm making conversation. Bart: May I be excused, Mom? ~~ Homer: Well, Bart. Looks like it's just you and... oh... [sits down and pours Gatorade on himself] Establishing shot: Kwik-E-Mart. % Dramatic video game music, as Bart plays "Cat Fight." Two female % characters, outside a Shoes store. % % Brunette player: [robot like] I'll... scratch... you... <0:08> % Blonde player: [pulling Brunette's hair] The hair! The hair! % Brunette player: [slapping her] Slut! % Blonde player: [slapping her back] Loser! % Brunette player: [kicking and slapping] Skank! Skank! [as Blonde % bites her arm] Skank! Depressed, Homer walks into the Kwik-E-Mart. ! One of the funniest scenes cut. What's new? ;) ==[ 5F04 ]============================= The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons === CUTS: 53 seconds GAINED: 82 seconds 20:06 / 21:28 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:07> (0:15) 8:40 / 8:55 * Compression starts when Apu opens the letter from his mother. ~~ Apu enters the Simpsons' house with his mother. Apu motions Marge to follow his lead, Homer smiles as Marge groans. % Marge: [shaking Apu's hand; ad-libbing] H-how was your day... % sweetheart? % <0:07> % As they smile nervously, Homer stands between Apu and Marge and hugs % each of them. % % Homer: Can ya feel the love? ~~~~~ ACT II <0:17> (0:27) 5:11 / 5:38 Apu's Mom: I cannot believe you did not tell me I had two grandchildren. Maggie enters. % Moe, who's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, places a sign on the outside % door of the bar that reads "On Vacation-Back Monday" Homer walks up % as he finishes. % <0:17> % Homer: [worried] But you _can't_ leave. We're scamming an old lady % at my house, and I need a place to hide out. % Moe: Neh, sorry Homer. I've been planning this vacation for years. % [proud] I'm finally gonna see Easter Island. % Homer: Oh, right. With the giant heads. % Moe: [confused] Eh--with the _what_ now? Establish Springfield retirement castle. Grampa is napping. ! Moe's "Easter Island" T-Shirt, shown later, is left unexplained. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:29> (0:40) 6:15 / 6:55 Homer tells Apu he has only 7 hours of freedom left. Apu: Oh. % [singing sadly] Well, I'm hot blooded. Check it and see. % I got a fever of 103. % Homer: Come on. You shouldn't be spending your last hours of % bachelorhood in a dump like this. You should be living like % there's no tomorrow. And I know just the place. % % Cut to hot tub. A naked Homer lowers himself into a bubbling <0:29> % jacuzzi, as Apu stares into space. % % Homer: [relaxed] Ah... is this the life, or what? % % Reveal Jasper in the other side of the tub, with his finger on a % switch. % % Jasper: You want me to turn on the bubbles? Establish Springfield Airport. ==[ 5F05 ]============================================= Lisa the Skeptic === CUTS: 18 seconds GAINED: 48 seconds 20:12 / 21:00 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:04> (0:11) 6:00 / 6:11 The three bullies are in prison-like "detention" jumpsuits. Jimbo: [sings while digging] Gonna dig me a hole... Kearney/Dolph: [singing] Gonna dig me a hole... Jimbo: [singing] Gonna put a nerd in it... Kearney/Dolph: [singing] Gonna put a nerd in it... <0:04> % Jimbo: [singing] Gonna take a firecracker... % Kearney/Dolph: [singing] Gonna take a firecracker... Lisa: This is so exciting! I can't wait to see what we find. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:11> (0:23) 8:00 / 8:23 Lisa rides her bike to the museum entrance, and walks up the steps. % She walks through a large domed room, where a giant blue whale hangs % from the ceiling. % <0:11> % Lisa: Wow. So lifelike. % % After she leaves, the whale comes to life. Two workers descend on % swings--one sprays it with water, another feeds it a bucket of % fish... which it hungrily eats and gulps. Move on the door of Stephen Jay Gould, PhD. ! I can only imagine this scene was selected to be cut, since educated ! persons know that blue whales eat plankton, and aren't carniverous ! per se. Of course, in a satirical world such as The Simpsons, these ! things happen. =| ~~~~~ ACT III <0:03> (0:14) 6:12 / 6:26 Judge Snyder: Religion must stay 500 yards from science... at all times. <0:03> % The townspeople make their way toward angel, and arrive at the top of the hill. Lenny: Wow! ! The transition music fades in, after the three second cut. ! This episode runs long in syndication, leading me to guess that ! they're skittish about cutting so-called "Lisa Episodes". Of course, ! they cut the full opening, which gave them at least 30 more seconds. ==[ 5F06 ]================================================= Realty Bites === CUTS: 42 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 19:59 / 21:20 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:14) 7:24 / 7:38 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:11) 6:30 / 6:41 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:42> (0:56) 6:05 / 7:01 Gil: Uh, I brought this wall from home % Li'l Bandit approaches. Highway. Snake tip-toes backward across the % road, stringing a spool of Acme piano wire between two trees. A car % can be heard approaching. He pulls the wire tight, and ties it to % the other tree. % % Snake: [chuckling] Huh ho! Okay! Baldy-boy hits wire, head comes % off, Li'l Bandit rolls to gentle a stop. Everybody wins! % [twangs wire] % % Homer approaches in Li'l Bandit, standing on the seat, eyes shut % with his head sticking out way above the car. % <0:42> % Homer: Man, the air feels good on my neck! [dramatic music; piano % wire glistens] % % Snake watches, smiling evilly. % % Homer: Oooh! Gumball! [in the nick of time, Homer ducks under the % piano wire, and grabs the candy--driving away] % Snake: [depressed] Oh. Why do I even bother? % % Kirk Van Houten approaches in another convertible. He inexplicably % holds his submarine sandwich way above his head. % % Kirk: I told that idiot to slice my sandwich. [the wire amputates % his arm, which flies off] Ow! Flanders loads his U-Break-It rental truck with boxes. ! In the last scene, Kirk Van Houten stands in the unemployment line ! behind Marge with his arm in a sling (of course, unexplained). ! There's a feeling that this scene was cut, after the multitude ! complaints about Kirk's arm. I may be in the minority, but I found ! it an extremely funny sequence, insomuch that without this scene, ! the whole episode would grade lower for me. This was pure extremism ! and satire, and lately there is a shortage of that in the Simpsons. ==[ 5F07 ]================================= Miracle on Evergreen Terrace === CUTS: 45 seconds GAINED: 87 seconds 19:59 / 21:26 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:11> (0:25) 6:55 / 7:20 After Homer puts the cash in the drawer, and runs off giggling. Establish the Simpson House. It's snowing. % Inside, SLH lies by a fire in the fireplace. Stockings hang. Pan <0:05> % across room, to the TV--which shows an identical fire. Bart, Lisa % and Maggie watch. Marge calls, and they turn their heads. Marge: Hey, kids! I made your favorite cookies! ! Marge's first few words overlap Bart, Lisa, and Maggie turning ! their heads. In synd, the line overlaps the house shot. ~~ As Lisa's yellow sweater disappears down into the melting plastic, <0:06> % we hear Maggie's little cow toy, moaning, gurgling, and drowning. Marge: Homer! Homer, I think I heard a noise! Homer: [cow-like gurgle] ! Okay. They messed up here, for sure. The noise Marge hears is ! definitely the cow-toy--so why didn't they cut the bit where Maggie ! plays with it? This cut makes Homer's gurgling meaningless. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:19) 9:04 / 9:23 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:34> (0:43) 4:00 / 4:43 A pineapple breaks a front window pane, someone reels it back, and it breaks another. Marge: [embarrassed growl] % At the Krusty Burger, the family drives up in Marge's car. The car % is covered in rotten fruit and threats like "I keeel you". They walk % in, and the lines are huge. % % Homer: Oh no, look at the line! % Moe: [noticing them] Oh, there they are. % Wiggum: Oh, look at the swindlers. % % People start leaving. % % Skinner: It's the Simpsons. <0:34> % Moe: Aw, them stinkin'... % Ned: Well, there goes Christmas dinner. % Edna K.: Hah! [the restaurant's empty] % Homer: [impressed] Ah, head of the line. A family could get used % to being shunned. Huh? Huh? % % Behind the counter, bitter teenagers spit in shakes and hamburgers. % The family watches, alarmed. % % Teen: [noticing them] Hey look, Shawn. It's that family everybody % hates. % Shawn: What-ever. [they continue spitting] Establish Springfield Elementary. ==[ 5F24 ]===================================== All Singing, All Dancing === CUTS: 59 seconds GAINED: 82 seconds 20:03 / 21:25 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:52> (0:53) 8:40 / 9:33 The clip from [9F21]. The B-Sharps sing "Baby on Board" from Moe's rooftop. A limo drives up. George Harrison: It's been done [rolls up window; limo drives off] The man scammed by the newspaper boy chases him down the sidewalk. % Lou: Pretty, huh Chief? % Chief Wiggum: It sure is, Lou. It sure is. [tapping his baton] % Get the tear gas. <0:18> % % Back to roof top as the B-Sharps continue. % % B-Sharps: [singing] --each trip's a trip to paradise. With my % baby on board! [applause; fade to black] Fade in: [4F06] clip. Eddie walks into the camera, carrying a shutter from the mansion. ~~ The [4F06] clip plays: Dolph, Jimbo, & Kearney: [singing] We just heard this place existed... % Showgirls: [strutting out to Helen & Maude; singing] % We're the highlights in your hairdo, % Apu: [producing statue] The extra arms on Vishnu % Showgirls: [now in kickline, passing Barney] so don't % take the-- % % Barney's jack in the box SPRINGS. Chalmers, Ned, Carl, Lionel Hutz, % Kirk, Lenny, & Dr. Hibbert sing--waving their hands overhead. <0:34> % % Men: We won't take the-- % Sideshow Mel: [slide whistle] % Homer/Bart/Belle/Girls: [dancing, singing] Yes, let's keep the-- % Moe: [smashes two garbage can lids] % All: [singing] In Springfield! % % Krusty PIES himself in the face, Willie turns and his sledgehammer % HITS Lenny, Chief Wiggum & CBG BUMP bellies, Burns HONKS an aooga % horn on an antique car, Cap'n McCallister REELS his fishing rod, and % Barney BELCHES... pull back from TV... as Barney fades... Bart: [singing] Mom was right, your singing's a sin... ~~ * Compression starts after Bart says singing and dancing is more of a * "Milhouse thing." ! I wonder why they started so near the end of they act--they managed ! to save one whole second (!) ~~~~~ ACT II <0:07> (0:18) 5:29 / 5:47 The "Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart" clip from [1F10]: Homer: ...And we've all found happiness, every one of us. % Homer dusts his hands, picks up the remote, and turns on the TV set. % Apu can be heard sobbing off-screen. The family looks around, <0:07> % confused. % % Homer: Hey, what's that sound? Apu sits on the roof, with the moon in the background. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:11) 5:54 / 6:05 ==[ 5F08 ]=================================================== Bart Carny === CUTS: 42.5 seconds GAINED: 78 seconds 20:03 / 21:21 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:23> (0:35) 6:12 / 6:47 Bart and Lisa finish riding the Screamatorium--an extremely boring haunted house ride. Eyes narrowed, they stare at the operator. Operator: Sorry... % Kids play Shoot the Clown, firing water pistols into clown mouths as % Homer and Bart walk by. % % Operator: And they're off! There they go! Looks like number 1 is % gonna... No! Number 2 is... % <0:16> % Krusty leans against the booth. A stream of water hits him in the % mouth. % % Krusty: Bleah! [confused] Why does this always happen when I stand % HERE? What is it about this exact spot? [gurgles] It's % happening again! Homer and Bart walk through the carnival, past an obese woman carrying cotton candy. ~~ Bart: [driving car] Outta my way! I'm Hitler! % Impervo the Painless, the freak from 3F21, stands by a booth % hammering a nail into his nostril as people watch. The car rolls by, <0:06> % crushing his foot. % % Impervo: [falls and grabs his foot] Oh, oh! MAN, that hurts. Oh, I % can't stand it! The car heads for Moe in the Psychic predictions booth ~~ Nelson: You wrecked Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you? H'yah! [punches Bart] Bart: [grunts in pain] <0:01> % A close up of Bart's worried face. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:19> (0:29) 6:33 / 7:02 The scene opens with Bart and a crowd of people standing around the wreck. Colonel Tex approaches, pushing people out of the way. He reaches out his hand and grabs Bart's shoulder. % Tex: Why, you just damaged the main attraction of my carnival! % % A camel walks by. Overhearing Tex, he stops. % % Camel: Hey, I thought _I_ was your main attraction! % Tex: [nervously fidgeting with his tie] Ah--heh! Oh, you are, <0:14> % Humphrey! You are! % % Bart begins to tip-toe away. % % Camel: Hey, he's getting away! % Tex: [grabs Bart] Not so fast, partner! You owe me some money. ~~ Tex: You gonna get drunk, and start a lot of trouble? Homer: Sure. Anything you want. <0:01> % Tex: [reluctant] Humph. All right. ~~ Tex: And you're going to work like you've never worked before! [leaves] Bart/Homer: Woo hoo! [high five] <0:04> % Lisa: [enters] We just saw the most amazing camel. % Marge: [impressed] It was wearing a hat! Dawn breaks over the ferris wheel. ! Eh, makes sense. Cut the first camel part, cut both of them. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:00.5> (0:14) 7:18 / 7:32 Homer: [teasing shark] You call yourself the king of the jungle! The shark hits the bottom of the boat, <0:00.5> % and once again, very quickly. ==[ 5F23 ]============================================== The Joy of Sect === CUTS: 46 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 19:52 / 21:13 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:10> (0:18) 6:34 / 6:52 We're in the Circle of Judgement... Guy: You're a fat idiot! Barney: Yeah! Lose some weight! % Otto: Hey man, you the fat--moron type! % % They all judge him, "ineffectuous", "overweight", "fat", etc. Homer <0:10> % takes it well. % % Homer: [chuckling} H-well, yeah, I guess I could lose a few pounds. % And, I can be kinda thick sometimes. [laughs to himself] Skinner: You've failed at everything you've ever tried! ~~~~~ ACT II <0:36> (0:53) 8:00 / 8:53 Burns: We're getting screwed. There must be something we can do about this... Wait! [softly] Yes, I think I know just the thing. [laughs and laughs] % After a while, fade back in as Burns sits there--still having done % nothing. % % Smithers: Uh... Sir? You have to tell me what your plan is or... or % nothing will happen. % Burns: [coming to life] Oh yes, of course... the plan. You see me % as a god, right Smithers? % Smithers: Absolutely, sir. % Burns: You'd kneel before me... % Smithers: [getting excited} Boy... _would_ I! <0:31> % Burns: Yes... --uh, then, I'll form my own religion. [takes % pencil, and draws a symbol] ...with its own symbol. % [showing Smithers] We'll use this special K... [the % Kellogg's symbol] % Smithers: I believe that's already a breakfast cereal, sir. % Burns: And people worship it? % Smithers: In a way... % Burns: All right then... [drawing] uh, how about this? [shows him % Mickey Mouse ears] % Smithers: [delicately} Uh... Why don't you leave the symbol to me, % sir... Spotlights on cooling towers with the Christmas Tree/B symbol. ! The ridiculous Christmas Tree symbol loses all meaning with this ! cut ~~ After Burns falls off the balcony... Smithers: Uh... we'll--try this tomorrow. % Crowd starts to leave. <0:05> % % Lenny: [to Charlie] Uh, he's all right. [raising cereal box] But, % he's no bowl of Special K! [kisses box] Marge: This is ridiculous. We're already married. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:10) 5:18 / 5:28 ==[ 5F11 ]====================================================== Das Bus === CUTS: 42 seconds GAINED: 80 seconds 20:03 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:16> (0:27) 5:34 / 6:01 Marge: You can stay up late tonight, but tomorrow, everyone's going to bed at 5:00. Homer: Woo hoo! % Shot of family excitedly watching TV & eating popcorn. % Melt to: Later. Wearily, they continue to watch. <0:09> % % Lisa: [weary] Aw, those poor badgers are soaked. % Homer: Quiet. God looks like he has something important to say. God: Go forth, Noah. And remember... ~~ Marge: [gasps; looking at watch] Oh, my goodness. That was a long movie. It's time for school; let's go, lets go! [kids wearily walk through kitchen] % Homer: [into phone; gleefully smiling] Uh... can't make it in <0:07> % today, Mr. Smithers. I have smallpox! ... [bitterly] Well, % it wasn't wiped out in house! Establishing shot of Springfield Elementary School. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:25> (0:38) 7:20 / 7:58 <0:05> % Start of act. Seagulls fly by; several seconds of calm sea and % clouds cut. Bus full of screaming kids hits water. ~~ Marge: How about... CompuGlobalHyperMega.net? Homer: Fine. It's not important... % What REALLY matters is my title. [relaxes back on his hands] % I think I'll make myself... vice president. [getting idea] <0:20> % No, wait! JUNIOR vice president! [phone rings; answers] % CompuGlobalHyperMega.net... Junior vice president Homer % Simpson, speaking. How may I direct your call? [listens; % pouting, he gives phone to Marge] It's Patty. Establishing shot of island. ! Outraged! Outraged I am that they cut the Junior VP line. That was ! possibly the funniest line from all of Season 9, and it's gone. ! Why couldn't they cut Otto getting rescued by the Chinese fishermen ! instead? It had no more bearing on the plot. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:01> (0:15) 7:09 / 7:24 Comic Book Guy: Oh, hurry up. I'm a busy man... [slurps soda] <0:01> % One second of slurping is cut. ==[ 5F10 ]==================================The Last Temptation of Krust === CUTS: 47 seconds GAINED: 85 seconds 19:51 / 21:16 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:18> (0:33) 6:22 / 6:55 Man: Excuse me, sir. Do you like to laugh? Hibbert: Well, only if something tickles me JUST right. [laughs] <0:04> % [four seconds of laughter cut] ~~ Krusty sits in a steambox, talking on the phone as Mel holds it. Krusty: What's my cut? ... NOTHING?... I make more than that taking a schvitz! % Pull back to reveal kids, and a birthday party gathrered around the % box. Mel holds a balloon up to Krusty's lips, and he fills it. Mel <0:10> % makes a balloon animal, and gives it to a little boy. % % Krusty: [half hearted] Hey hey, happy birthday. A hah... [to Mel] % Now, get him out of here. Leno: [raising eyebrow] He seems reluctant. ~~ Krusty: Hey HEY! [flaps dickey twice] <0:01> % [then, quickly four more times] Aso, aso! ~~ Janeane: Did you get a load of Korpsy the Klown? <0:01> % Bruce: Pbbt! That guy cheapens our whole profession! ~~ Stage Manager: Five minutes, Krusty. Krusty: Oh, I ain't going back out there. Stage Manager: No! Five minutes to get your stuff, and get out. [walks away] Krusty: [groans] <0:03> % [mumbles, falls off chair onto the floor] ~~~~~ ACT II <0:29> (0:41) 7:16 / 7:57 Krusty vomits in the Stanley Cup. Establish Simpsons house. % Marge and Lisa watch a Mexican telenovela on TV. Two people dance. % % Ra�l: No quiero que hazar, por juesto. Te amo. % Marge: What did he say, Lisa? What did he say? % Lisa: He said there's no shame in their forbidden love. <0:26> % Marge: [intrigued] Oooh! Diego's not going to like _that_. % % They dance more dramatically. % % Mujer: Oh, Ra�l! [giggles] Ll�veme all�, bajo de la bolla de bailar! % Lisa: [bored, as Marge looks] Take me here, under the disco ball. % Marge: [intrigued growl] Bart slides down the bannister. ! I'm guessing they should have used _BOLA_ de bailar, not "bolla." ! "Bola" is the word that means "ball." Also, Ra�l's first line ! doesn't exactly translate as Lisa said. "Hazar" isn't a word, ! unless he's saying "asar," which means to barbecue(!) "I don't ! want to barbecue in jest. I love you" Hmmm... Maybe just say ! "No hay verg�enza en nuestro amor secreto." ~~ Krusty: These comics today... [bitter] "Ooo, look at me. I can't set my VCR. I can't open a bag of airline peanuts. I'm a freakin' moron!" The crowd laughs. % At home, the family watches the rant on TV. <0:03> % % Homer: [laughing] Krusty's gone nuts. Krusty: Then, these lady comics... ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:11) 6:13 / 6:24 ==[ 5F12 ]=========================================== Dumbbell Indemnity === CUTS: 41 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 19:56 / 21:17 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:06> (0:19) 7:37 / 7:56 Moe: All right, don't eat nothin' for the next three days, cuz I'm takin' you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat! Ren�e: [giggles] Well... when you put it _that_ way... My name's Ren�e. Moe: [too excited to shake] Uh, who cares! You're going out with me! % [laughing, he picks up a stray cat. It looks bothered] <0:06> % She's going out with me, cat! [kisses it] % Homer: [off-screen; annoyed] Stop kissing that cat, and get in the % car! Montage: Holding hands, crossing bridge in a park. [To "I'm a Believer"] ~~~~~ ACT II <0:14> (0:24) 4:53 / 5:17 Homer tosses Snake out of Moe's car, and floors it in reverse. <0:04> % Homer: [laughing, to himself while driving] Ha ha ha ha ha! He % thought he was gonna steal--[thinks about it] D'Oh! Full moon in the sky. ! This explanation by Homer, I feel, is needed. If only Homer had let ! Snake steal the car, he wouldn't have had to do it himself. ~~ Homer: Heh he heh he heh! That's what you get for not "Hailing to the Chimp!" Establish the police boat, in the water. <0:03> % Pan past a string combo, several officers dancing with their dates. Edna and Seymour dance by the camera, and we see Renee and Moe--who looks at his watch nervously. ~~ The car hits the water, with Homer inside. % He moans nervously, as the car starts to sink, but then resurfaces. <0:07> % He sighs in relief, finding himself safe. Sure enough, the car % starts to sink again. Underwater in the car, Homer screams as the car sinks--and hits bottom. He tries to drive away, but drives off a cliff. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:21> (0:38) 7:26 / 8:04 Homer's mug shot is taken. % The photostudio is revealed. Another shot is taken. % % Photographer: [effeminate British accent] Brilliant! Brilliant! % Okay, let's do another... but this time, try to <0:10> % look... scarier. Kinda like... [purring] "Rrrrow!" % [claws his hand like a homosexual] % Homer: [half-hearted] Urrr. Rroar. Rrr. % Photographer: [snapping closeups] Gorgeous! Gorgeous, baby! That's % it, that's it. Homer's hand is inked, then fingerprinted. ~~ Homer: You just go home, and don't worry your pretty blue head about it. Moe will take care of everything. % Bart: Well Dad, in the meantime, here's a carton of smokes you can % use to buy stuff. % Homer: Aw thanks, boy. I'll give you two packs for that candy bar. <0:11> % Bart: Three. % Homer: [angry] Why you little--! [reaches through bars, and % strangles him] % Bart: [choking] Guard! Guard! Establish jail. Homer snores on a bench. ==[ 4F24 ]============================================ Lisa, the Simpson === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 79 seconds 20:08 / 21:27 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:10) 5:34 / 5:44 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:24> (0:36) 6:56 / 7:32 Chief Wiggum: You're lucky he's still alive! This freezer is an attractive nuisance! [distraught] Just look at all that ice cream. It's damned near irresistible. <0:05> % Dr. Nick: Well, we better leave him in there. Moving him now % could kill him, and tire us out. Nelson: Check it out! A freezer geezer! ~~ During "When Buildings Collapse," the old printer's house goes down. Homer: Yes! % [laughs] <0:03> % Bart: Woo hoo! [laughs] % % Next, the "Leaning Tower of Pizza," a Pisa look-alike, comes down. Homer: Yeah! Ha ha! [high fives Bart] ~~ Apu: Behold, the can of mystery! Crowd: Whoa! Apu: [dramatic] The label vanished many years ago! What strange wonders lie inside? Treasure? Dog food? % Otto: [laughing] Ho whoa! Some things man is not meant to know. % % Move to a sign: % ------------------------ % | The | % | O F F E N S I V E | % | Baseball Cap | <0:16> % | | % | Do you dare read it? | % ------------------------ % % The cap is on a motorized wheel, which slowly turns around. % Rod & Todd: [reading as it turns] Show... me.. your... t-- % [Ned covers their eyes] Hey! % Ned: [nervous] It says "Show me your tie." It's cute. Come % on, let's go... Grampa: Me and Frostillicus go back a long way... ~~~~~ ACT III <0:19> (0:33) 7:38 / 8:11 % First scene is cut. Shot of stairs, pan to the dining room. % % Marge: [calling] Lisa! Come on! Your tomato soup is getting % a skin on top. % Homer: [annoyed] Fine. She doesn't get her skin! [peels it <0:19> % off, and eats it] % Bart: [irritated] Lisa insulted us, Mom. She thinks she is % so great. [pounding table with spoon] I'll dance on % her grave. % Marge: Bart! % Bart: [innocently] What? Oh. [takes napkin; tucks it into % shirt] Napkin. Right. Lisa's Brain: [as she writes] Dear Log... ==[ 5F13 ]============================================ This Little Wiggy === CUTS: 0 seconds GAINED: 24 seconds 20:03 / 20:27 No blackboard, no solo, *modified original couch * In the full version, before spray painting the family on the couch, Bart peeks around the TV set to see if the coast is clear. ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:00) 6:18 / 6:18 ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:15) 8:39 / 8:54 * Compression starts at the beginning of the 2nd act. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:09) 5:06 / 5:15 ==[ 3G04 ]================================================= Simpson Tide === CUTS: 44 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 19:48 / 21:09 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:08> (0:20) 6:14 / 6:34 Homer gets his hair cut for basic training. Homer: [distraught] Ow, I'm a freak! % "Anchors Aweigh" is heard, as the drill sargeant inspects the % barracks. Homer pastes a Greta Garbo-like pinup of Marge on the % wall. Barney posts a similar pinup, but the woman looks more like <0:08> % Homer with makeup. % % Homer: What the--? % Barney: [pleased; looking at Homer] Oh! Sunrise is seen over the base. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:22> (0:37) 8:05 / 8:42 Ralph: [disdainful] That is _so_ 1991. % At the school playground, Bart and Milhouse play on the monkey bars. % % Skinner: Young man, the school dress code specifically forbids the % wearing of earrings--unless... you're of gypsy extraction. <0:22> % Milhouse: [thinking] Uh... I'm a gypsy. % Skinner: [smug chuckle] Oh, really? Prove it. % Milhouse: Uh... I vant to suck your blood! % Skinner: Nuh uh. That's a vampire... [reading dress code] but, % uh... they're also covered. Carry on. [walks away] To a dramatic military drum march, Homer puts on his uniform. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:14> (0:24) 5:29 / 5:53 Grampa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star! <0:02> % Grampa blinks twice. ~~ Skinner: ...therefore, space in the fallout shelter will be reserved for Lisa Simpson, Martin Prince, our championship kickball team, and Sherri, but not Terri. [Terri gets up and walks off stage] Nelson: Haw haw! <0:01> % She proceeds down the steps. ~~ Moe: [dreaming of his cat] Oh, Mr. Snookums. Oh, I wuv you so... [to camera] What're you looking at!? % Apu imagines a cigarette machine. Larry kicks it and shakes it. % % Larry: Hey, this stupid machine took my money! [leaves] <0:11> % % Apu walks over, looks around, and then kisses it. % % Apu: [to machine] Don't ever change. Homer imagines his family. ==[ 5F14 ]=================================== The Trouble with Trillions === CUTS: 18 seconds GAINED: 56 seconds 19:58 / 20:54 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:08> (0:20) 5:14 / 5:34 Homer desperately wraps his tax envelope with tape, then runs out. % We hear the car peel out of the driveway. Marge takes the painting % of the sailboat she made for Homer, and hangs it back on the wall % above the couch. <0:08> % % Marge: [sigh; to herself] Oh, you really had a lot of talent, kid. % % Close up of Bart & Lisa on the floor. They look at each other. The post office clock begins to strike midnight. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:02> (0:18) 9:18 / 9:36 Apu and Manjula sit in the photo booth. Apu: [off-screen] Cheese. Film: Good morning, Agent Johnson. <0:01> % The film you are about to see i-- Establish Burns Manor. ~~ <0:01> % As Homer escapes (end of act), one second of footsteps is cut. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:08> (0:18) 5:26 / 5:44 Smithers: Wait! We're now over international waters! Homer: Woo hoo! We can gamble! [throws dice] Yes! % The FBI's fighter jet turns around. % <0:08> % Johnson: Aw, nuts. % Agent 2: They'll be back. They'll miss American TV. % % Johnson gets an extremely worried look on his face. Burns: Any of these islands would make a fine new country. ==[ 5F15 ]=============================================== Girlie Edition === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 20:10 / 21:31 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:15) 7:09 / 7:24 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:35> (0:47) 7:53 / 8:40 Homer: Mojo, Marge. Marge, Mojo. He can do anything you show him. % Watch... [picks up telephone] Simpson residence... [hangs up; <0:08> % turns] % Mojo: [picks up the phone, and yammers into it] % Marge: [sigh] Why didn't you tell me you were bringing home a filthy monkey? ~~ Brockman: Well, she's not the boss of me... come in. The door shuts. % We're looking down a long corridor. On either side % sit shelves of statuettes. % % Brockman: Let's take the.. trophy route to the den. % <0:11> % They pass several identical awards, looking like Emmys and Silver % Mics. % % Brockman: Twelve Newsies, seven Iron Mikes, four Golden Coifs. % [taking it down] This is the most prestigious award Del % Monte gives. Do you want to hear my award winning secret? ~~ Burns: Smithers... [sniffling] do you think, maybe, my power plant killed those ducks? Smithers: There's... no "maybe" about it, sir. Burns: [sniffling] Excellent. % Marge sits on the couch arm, while Homer and Mojo eat pizza. % % Homer: [emotionally touched] Marge, can I get a duck? % Marge: You already have a monkey! <0:10> % Homer: [still sad] Can _he_ get a duck? % Marge: No! % % Mojo throws his pizza, and starts screaming and jumping around. He % stomps the pizza box, then grabs it--flailing it around. Marge % winces in disgust. On screen, Bart shakes his head. ~~ Lisa: The old Union Pacific doesn't come by here much, anymore... Sure enough, here comes a train. Lisa stares as it approaches, then the camera as it passes. <0:05> % Then she looks back at it, becoming % concerned. Finally, she lowers her head in defeat. ! This cut may have improved the timing, and made the scene funnier. ~~ <0:01> % One second of the crazy cat woman, chasing Lisa the second time, is % cut. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:08> (0:19) 5:08 / 5:27 Mojo struggles to do his happy dance, running into the wall. % He moans, while leaning on the wall. <0:03> % % Homer: ...and, so on. Irritated, Marge growls. ~~ Covering for Lisa, Nelson sits in the chair, making armpit flatulence. <0:05> % He turns to camera two, and keeps making the noises. ! This cut degrades the joke somewhat. Instead of the observational ! humor about the meaningless, constant turns news reporters make to ! face a different camera, all that's left is a fart joke. ==[ 5F09 ]========================================== Trash of the Titans === CUTS: 43 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 20:01 / 21:22 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <0:31> (0:43) 7:03 / 7:46 Homer: [upset] They didn't have Lord Huggington? Marge: It's the same basic bear, Homey. Homer: [disappointed] I guess. [sets bear down on coffee table, turns it around, and faces the other way] % Bart: [pulling pumpkin out of box, annoyed] What the hell is this? % [it has a pair of lips painted over the mouth] % Marge: It's a "kisses-make-me-boogie-o'lantern." [readying camera] <0:14> % Kiss it, and make it boogie. % Homer: [threatening] Kiss it! % Bart: [bored] Uh. Maybe later. [throws it to the floor. SLH licks % it, and music starts to play] % Homer: [dancing] Oh ho ho! Oh, yeah! Marge: Well, we'd better start our Love Day cleanup. ! Marge's line "Well, we'd better start our Love Day cleanup" is ! spoken over the image of Homer on the couch. Finally, a welcome cut ! to a fairly uninspired (and boring) scene. ~~ Todd: [standing on diaper hill] Look, Daddy! I'm the King of the mountain! Ned: Todd! Get off of there! % Marge pulls raw strips of "Farmer Dan's bacon" out of the package, % as Bart & Lisa pose like sprinters at the door. % <0:14> % Marge: [nervous] 3... 2... 1... [the door opens; she throws the % bacon into the trash pile, where rats grab it. Pointing out % door] Go! Go! Go! [they do] % Homer: [entering doorway; calm] So... The rats seem happy. % [close up of rats fighting over bacon] The Simpsons eat dinner. ~~ Patterson: Nobody wants to hear the non-sensical ravings of a loudmouth malcontent. Homer: [indignant gasp] Well! We'll see about _that_! % After a beat, Homer grabs the parrot cage and shakes it again. <0:03> % % Patterson: [grabbing cage] Hey! Homer enters a room with Jimmy the Scumbag, Patty, Selma, and Freddy Quimby standing in line. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:11) 6:12 / 6:23 ~~~~~ ACT III <0:12> (0:27) 6:46 / 7:13 Patterson: If I hadn't already packed my letter opener, I'd give you such a stabbing. <0:02> % Homer: [giggling; making "time out" signal] Whoa, whoa, whoa % Ray. Are we going to let politics get in the way of our friendship? ~~ Lisa: You know, Dad. There's a lesson in all this. Many cities have problems with garbage disposal, and it's time we realized you can't just-- Homer: Wait! Shut up! I just thought of something. [he runs out and slams the door] <0:03> % Bart, Marge, and Lisa look at each other as we hear the car peel out % of the driveway. ~~ Ned: Dear Lord, please take Mr. Bunny up to heaven. The ground erupts; a dead bunny pops out of the grave. Todd, Rod & Ned scream. % The ground shakes under an outhouse, then garbage erupts <0:07> % underneath--toppling it. Cletus opens the door. % % Cletus: [calling] Hey Brandine? I think I done busted my stink bone. A dog sniffs a hydrant, and it explodes with garbage. ==[ 5F16 ]============================================= King of the Hill === CUTS: 49 seconds GAINED: 81 seconds 20:02 / 21:23 Original short opening ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:06) 4:47 / 4:53 ~~~~~ ACT II <0:44> (0:53) 5:50 / 6:43 Lying in bed, Homer pushes his stomach down to look at the clock. 1:00 AM. He sits up in bed, and looks over at Marge. % He gets up, and softly tiptoes out of the room. He sits on the front % porch, tying his shoes. SLH sits beside him. He puts on a headband. % % Homer: [to dog] Okay, boy. I want you to keep this exercise thing % under your hat. That way, I won't be embarrassed if I fail. % <0:19> % SLH barks, as Snowball II walks up. Homer notices her. % % Homer: [upset] Oh, great. Now the cat knows! [shuts door] Okay. Here % we go. % % Determined, Homer trots out toward the street. Homer jogs out the front path, panting heavily. Soon, Homer notices he's only managed to jog to the Flanders' mailbox before collapsing. Homer: [looks up; distraught] Oh! [he falls again] % Growling the whole time, SLH manages to drag Homer by his sweater % hood back into the living room. He props Homer up against a chair. % Homer sees Bart's photograph on the coffee table. % % Homer: [sucks in his gut; proud] Look, son. Daddy got in shape! % % Unable to hold it, he breathes out--his belly knocks the picture off <0:25> % the table. % % Homer: [disappointed] Oh. [determined] I've got to keep trying... % or, I could just move that picture... [determined] No! The % picture looked good where it was! [to SLH] Boy, drag me back % outside. % % SLH obliges, dragging him by the pant cuff. Wide eyed and panting, Homer jogs down the sidewalk. ~~~~~ ACT III <0:05> (0:22) 9:25 / 9:47 Seeing the Sherpas hitchiking back to Nepal, Marge growls worriedly. % Homer climbs the mountain, gasping heavily. <0:05> % % Homer: [winded] Uh.... eight... [he stops to take a breath, then % continues] A shot from above Homer, as he climbs. ! The audio in the synd version doesn't match the original. In the ! synd version, part of the audio of Homer's little break (three ! breaths) is used over the long profile shot of Homer climbing. So, ! video of Homer's break was lost--and the audio that matched the long ! climbing shot was lost, as well. ! Not exactly sure what Homer was counting in the original, either. ==[ 5F17 ]================================================ Lost Our Lisa === CUTS: 0 seconds GAINED: 29 seconds 19:56 / 20:25 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <----> (0:03) 7:17 / 7:20 * Compression starts when Lisa boards the bus. ~~~~~ ACT II <----> (0:12) 6:47 / 6:59 ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:14) 5:52 / 6:06 ==[ 5F18 ]========================================= Natural Born Kissers === CUTS: 17 seconds GAINED: 57 seconds 19:59 / 20:56 No blackboard, no solo, original couch ~~~~~ ACT I <0:04> (0:20) 7:17 / 7:37 The car gets stuck... Homer: I'll get us out of this honey. [determined] It's just going to take a whole lot of flooring. [he does] The car just sinks. Homer looks out the window over his shoulder and floors it again. No use. Homer: Hmmm.... % He floors it again. % <0:03> % Marge: [annoyed] Homer! % % As they sink, Homer finally seems concerned. Grampa: And that's why, today, bananas are called "yellow fatty beans." Questions? ~~ <0:01> % One second at end of act cut. ~~~~~ ACT II <0:13> (0:27) 7:17 / 7:44 Bart imagines pirates burying treasure. Sissy Pirate: Uh, captain? Captain? I know we usually bury the treasure, but what if, this time, we use it to buy things? You know... eh... things we like. Captain shoots him. He looks at his other men, who then furiously dig in the sand. % Captain: Ahhr! We'll dig up the treasure in seven yarr. I've % drawn a map on this cracker, which Polly will hold for <0:11> % safe keepin'. % % A parrot on his shoulder takes the cracker. Close up; the bird looks % around nervously, side to side. Bart: So you see, there's treasure everywhere. ! Kind of a tired point, but obviously the bird eats the cracker-- ! destroying the map; thereby leaving Bart the treasure to dig up. ~~ Maude putts the ball into the windmill. Homer: [off-screen; ticklish] Wooo hoo hoo! <0:02> % Rod and Todd walk into the frame, and watch. Flanders: Hmmm. That's odd. [scratching head] It didn't come out the rear end. ~~~~~ ACT III <----> (0:10) 5:25 / 5:35 ==[ ---- ]===================================================================