[MG16] The Perfect Crime

The Perfect Crime                                      Written by Matt Groening
[$Id: mg16 1.1 92/03/12 08:06:15 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $]
> Didja notice...
    Voice credits:
        NANCY CARTWRIGHT as Bart

    Animators were Wesley Archer, Bill Kopp, and David Silverman.

    The credits list the casting director as BONNIE PIETILA rather

    ... Maggie has four eyelashes on each eyelid in this short?
        (She has only three per eyelid in the half-hour show.)
    ... the mouse hole in the hallway?  There was a mouse in front
        of it, which scurries into the hole.

> Freeze Frame Fun
>> Watch Bart's reaction when Marge catches him swiping cookies in Act Two.

> Assorted comments and observations
Brian Howard {bh} gives the timing for this short as 1:41, whereas the
syndication package contains only 1:38 of animation.

> Quotes and scene summary
% B = Bart, M = Marge, H = Homer
% Bart and Maggie sit at what appears to be an island in the kitchen.
% Marge (wearing oven mitts) carries a cookie sheet of freshly-baked
% chocolate-chip cookies.

M: Fresh chocolate-chip cookies.

% Bart reaches out towards the tray, but Marge puts it down on the table.
% She raises her finger in warning.

M: Don't touch those yet.  They're very, very hot.

% Marge leaves.  Bart clasps his hands dastardly.

B: Aha!  No one's around.  The perfect crime.

% Bart reaches for a cookie.  As his hand touches the tray, we hear a
% sizzling sound, and Bart's hand turns red.

B: Yow!

% Bart holds up his hand, which throbs in pain.
% [End of Act One.  Time: 0:16]
% Same set-up as before.  The cookies are on the table.
% During Marge's lecture, the kids' eyes glance between her and the cookies.

M: I hope I can trust you two not to eat those yummy chocolate-chip cookies.

% She leaves.

B: Go on, Maggie.  Take a cookie.

% Maggie closes her eyes as she shakes her head `no'.

B: Aw, come on, man.  Don't be a chicken.

% Maggie shakes her head.

B: Well, if you won't commit the perfect crime, I will.

% Just as Bart reaches for a cookie, Marge pokes her head in the door.
% Bart screams and tosses the cookie in the air in surprise.
% Up up up.  Down down down.  Into Maggie's mouth.  (*gulp*)
% She then replaces her pacifier with a smile.  Bart glowers at
% Maggie, then looks skyward trying to appear innocent.
% Marge is next to the counter.

M: Very good, Maggie.  You prevented Bart from making a mess.

% [End of Act Two.  Time: 0:42]
% One mo' time.

M: I mean it.  Don't even think about touching those scrumptious cookies.

% Marge leaves.

B: [to Maggie] Who's she gonna believe, huh?

% Bart proceeds to shovel cookies into his mouth.  Maggie watches each
% cookie go in.

B: You?  Or me?

% Another cookie.

B: You can't defend yourself.  You can't even talk.
   I'll blame it all on you.

% Another cookie.

B: The perfect crime!

% Marge opens the door.

M: Bart!

% Bart points an accusing finger at Maggie.  As he talks, cookie crumbs
% spew out of his mouth.

B: It was her, man.  I swear it!

% Marge has reached the counter.

M: [disappointed]  Oh, Bart...

% Bart hangs his head in shame.
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 1:09]
% Close-up on Homer, his head tilted back, his eyes closed, and his
% nose enjoying the aroma of freshly-baked cookies.

H: Do I smell cookies?

% We pull back to see Maggie and Marge at their usual places.  Bart is
% missing.  So are all the cookies.

M: [gasp!]
H: Where's the cookies?
M: They're all gone.  The whole batch!
H: [menacingly] Somebody ate those cookies...
M: Did you eat the cookies, Maggie?

% Maggie shakes her head and points vigorously off stage right.

H: I think she's trying to tell us something...

% Maggie pushes her hair up and turns her face into a likeness of Bart.

M: Go on, Maggie.

% As Maggie gets out of her chair, she loses her balance and falls. (*thud*)
% Homer talks as if he's addressing a dog.

H: Go on, Maggie, go, go!

% Maggie walks down the hallway, pointing vigorously as she walks.
% She follows a trail of crumbs... into Bart's room.  Marge and
% Homer follow.  Bart is on his back, groaning, his belly swollen
% from his cookie-fest.  He raises his head.

B: [in pain] There is no perfect crime.

% Bart lowers his head and continues groaning.
% Maggie removes her pacifier (*pop*), produces a cookie, and puts
% it into her mouth.  (*munch*)  (*gulp*)  (*smile*)
% [End of Act Four.  Time: 1:38]
Shorts summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
remain the property of The Tracey Ullman Show, and the reproduced articles
remain the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the

Conversion by Howard Jones (ha.jones@ic.ac.uk)